v. crushed fragments of memory.
SAKURA'S DINNER CONSISTED of a thin, watery bone broth and stale wheat bread slathered with apricot jelly. It was one of her least favorite meals and lacked any kind of nourishment to keep her energy levels high. It was a deliberate move on Orochimaru's part—to keep them weak and just barely able to survive transformations on the full moon. In most cases she had seen, the broken bones never mended quite right and muscles tore in places that were difficult to heal, if at all. In some others, they were stuck permanently until the next moon, and Orochimaru had no place for failures in his ranks; particularly ones who couldn't shift out of their wolf form like he demanded of them.
Ino sat across from her, oblivious to her thought process, spooning up the broth with a makeshift scoop of bread. Hers was dotted with more nuts and grains than Sakura's, and she seemed to relish the taste despite it being so bland, devouring her portion in a matter of minutes while Sakura was still taking tentative sips to try and stomach it. Their little plastic table had no room for Sai, or any of their other acquaintances for that matter, so it was just her, and Ino, eating their dinner in companionable silence. Besides the faint sounds of slurping and murmured chatter, there was nothing to earn the attention of the entire room, and so they were safe to talk—for now.
"You need to be more careful, Ino." Sakura watched her friend slowly lower her bread back into the bowl, as if deliberately debating whether or not to acknowledge her. A deeper part of her wanted to flash fangs and get her attention that way, but the more human side dragged it back and smothered it before it became more than an impulse. She added, quietly,"You're not being discreet. Even Kakashi noticed…"
"The most observant person in the entire group? Color me surprised, forehead." The blonde dropped the bread entirely and focused her pale blue eyes on her. "No one else noticed, so drop it, okay?"
Sakura pressed her lips together tightly. "None that you know of. You know I'm only concerned because I'm your friend, right? If you get caught…"
"I know." Ino sobered, if only momentarily. Their combined memories of past moon hunts flashed to the surface; a graphic scene of blood gore, and blood stained mouths and hands and tears. It never got any easier to witness, and it never was an easy pill to swallow to guess who would be next. "I know, I just… He makes me happy, and you're…"
"—not. I get it." She took a deep swig of her water. It tasted faintly of the minerals and antibiotics that Kabuto manually enhanced their stores with. 'To keep you all up to date with your vitamins and health requirements,' he had said, but his smile had been sharper than a knife's edge. The water tasted like dirt. "I'm just dragging you down with my own issues, aren't I?"
Kakashi's earlier words floated around in her head still, the sting not quite as painful but enough to where there was an ever present ache in her chest. She wanted to talk to Ino about it, she did, but guilt at confronting her about Sai and dread at the thought of even having a conversation about it kept her from doing so. Tears threatened to prick at her eyes and she blinked rapidly to clear them, but Ino had saw, and of course, in typical Ino fashion, took it the wrong way.
"That's not what I meant, Sakura, and you know it." She reached over and took her shoulder, the distance between them small enough to cross with only her forearm. She shook her gently, creases forming between her eyebrows. "And… anyway—since when does Kakashi voice his concerns about other people?"
She should have known she would back her into that corner. She'd made a mistake in mentioning it; she had hoped it would convey the seriousness of the situation (that if Kakashi had noticed, someone else had definitely noticed) but all her friend could focus on was that she had spoken to Kakashi, and he had been vocal about his concerns to her, not Ino herself, as it was her issue. It was also one of the most graceful deflects she'd ever seen, and Ino was not a graceful person in most cases.
"That's not important." Sakura took another spoonful of the broth before declaring herself finished, pushing the bowl and bread aside and swigging the rest of the dirt flavored water. The plastic cup protested as she squeezed it in her fist, each crinkle and pop drawing her attention only for a moment. "What is important is your safety, Ino. It only takes one word and you're done."
Because they both knew Sai was the better wolf in every aspect—Ino was a Pureblood, and he was Lupus Medium. He would win even if he had a choice.
"... Fine." She exhaled harshly and took Sakura's soup for her own, pouring it into her bowl and adding the bread to her half eaten slice. She left the bowl and plate for her to throw away, shoving it back to her side and topping it off with her crushed cup. "I'll be more careful, if it makes you feel any better."
It was a bald faced lie, and it didn't make Sakura feel better, but she smiled anyway at the false reassurance and stood from her chair. "It does. I'm going to turn in for the night. Are you on patrol again?"
"No, I don't think so." Ino watched her as she gathered her trash, carefully tucking the napkins in her bowl so they wouldn't blow away. "I'll have to ask Yamato, he's in charge of the shift changes this week."
Dread crawled through Sakura's stomach like a living, tangible being. If Kakashi was bad, Yamato was worse—he was a practical slave to Orochimaru, following his every order like it was handed down from God. He was not unfriendly, but he was not friendly, either, and straddled the line between the two to where she was always uncomfortable when she was around him. Usually, Kakashi was around when he was ever in close quarters with her, so that eased some of her discomfort, but Yamato's dead-eyed stare would have her nerves shot faster than Kakashi's accidental touches ever could. But she also knew, from rumors floating around on the Uchiha-Hyuuga grapevine, that Yamato's obedience was circumstantial, and that he, more often than not, was complacent in deciding whether he wanted to do it or not.
He was a contradiction, and Sakura despised contradictions.
"Right. Let me know before you head out, then." Ino grumbled a reply over her broth, but her mouth was too full to make out a proper response. Sakura took it as an affirmative and threw her trash away in a small metal bin in the corner of the room, carefully avoiding Sasuke's table and rerouting herself to the back entrance. It was closer to the girl's dorms and she wouldn't have to walk through the forest again and deal with the beggar's lice and sand spurs in her shorts and shirt again. She'd spent so long plucking them off one night that she was effectively awake for more than three hours, and only had a few hours to sleep.
She was aware that the door stayed open longer than it should have as she exited, only shutting when she was ten or so feet down the gravel pathway and halfway to the dorm building. Footsteps echoed behind her, quiet but deliberate in letting her know they were there, and quickly devolved into the rapid patter of paws. She didn't even have to look to know it was Kakashi loping up beside her, long strands of white fur brushing against her shoulders and hair.
"You should be at dinner," Sakura said flatly, ignoring the way he inched closer to her so her hand brushed against his leg. He was too tall for her to push away, and too bulky to physically take down and force into submission; his head hovered over hers by a foot or so easily, and he could crush her with those massive paws if he wanted. She wasn't even sure why he had followed her to begin with, knowing people would notice their combined absence—but like he had said, she recalled bitterly, no one would ever think he would associate with someone like her. "Not associating with a lycan like me."
His answering huff was quiet, but clearly displayed his regret. She ignored it.
"Why are you even here?" She demanded, her voice hushed to not draw the patrol's attention but loud enough that he could hear it with his sensitive ears. His ears swiveled forward at her tone, lowering his head inquisitively. "You barely even tolerate my presence as it is, much less offer me a civil word in public—and now you're seeking me out deliberately? What the hell is wrong with you?"
He growled and shook his head, all the confusion and frustration with himself that he could properly show. He was avoiding speaking to her outright by staying in wolf form, knowing full well she would give him the heat of her anger and hurt and was keen on not being at the brunt of it. All of her previous rage boiled to the surface in a red haze.
"You know what? Go to hell, Kakashi." She whirled on her heel and began walking again, trying hard to ignore that he was following her, but at a few paces behind. "I'm so tired of this—this bond, whatever it is. You can seem to ignore it, but I'm dealing with the pain and side effects while you're clearly fine, so—"
When she turned around, intent on pointing her finger in his muzzle, she was surprised to find that he was gone, not even a single hair to indicate he had ever been there in the first place.
It was enough of an indicator of what he really felt.
Sakura stiffened her shoulders, held in her words and tears, and walked in tense silence back to her room.