Okay you guys...

TRIGGER WARNING: THIS STORY CONTAINS SELF HARM SELF HATE AND SUICIDE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Killua had not been left alone for even a second after Hisoka had found him cutting. All the attention the young hunter was recieving had only succeeded in making him feel worse. Hisoka had only left his side to shower and get clean clothes from his room. Gon made Killua shower with him, being too afraid to leave him even for that long.

Killua just couldn't take it. It has been four months since he tore his own brothers head off. His family continued their search for Illumi, checking in occasionally to ask if Killua had heard anything yet, so he continued to lie to them.

Gon had left to buy food, and Killua sat on his bed alone, Hisoka had went to get a change of clothes. Killua knew he didn't have much time before one of them returned, but he sat on the bed staring at his transfigured claws…. The other two had made sure to remove anything he could hurt himself with from the room, but they couldn't take his claws. Killua had tried to numb the pain with sex, but Gon had shot him down every time insisting they needed to help him heal first. So now here he sat, alone for the first time in months, feeling nothing but a deadening coldness gripping his entire body. Killua thought about Gon, and how much he loved him, and how much he wished he could stop hurting him. Then his thoughts drifted to Hisoka, and the surprising level of concern the fickle magician has shown him. No matter how hard he tried to focus on only the good things, he kept finding himself replaying the feeling of his brothers blood on his body, the way his hand felt so warm slicing through his neck…

Killua had made up his mind, and no amount of love or patience from anyone was going to change it now. He couldn't live like this. Slowly Killua placed one claw to his wrist, slicing deep from his palm down to his bicep making sure to hit the vein, he repeated the action on his other arm. Thinking to himself it would be harder for them to save him if he has more wounds, they wouldn't be able to stop him, as he moved his claws to his throat hesitating for only a moment as the bedroom door pushed open. Killua looked up covered in his own blood to meet the horrified look in gons eyes as he slid his claws into his throat.

Gon stood frozen in fear as he watched Killua's blood rushing from the holes in Killua's neck pouring bright red against the pale boys bare chest. Gon stood still unable to run to Killua no matter how much he wished he was able to, tears were streaming down his face, blood curling screams tore from his throat much like the blood that came from Killua's, insuperable.

Hisoka exited the elevator onto their floor hearing screaming coming from the same direction he was headed, but it didn't sound like Gon or Killua. So he continued slowly down the hall until he came to the corner and found Gon standing in the doorway. Hisoka turned to look into the room seeing Killua's blood pump from his body twice and then still as he fell to the pillow, the sound of Gon screaming faded out and suddenly everything was silent. He pushed past Gon rushing to Killua's side, Hisoka turned back to see the expression of a scream still on gons face but he heard no sound.

Hisoka remained on the bed trying to push the blood back into Killua, he knew this was an irrational reaction, but he had to try something. Gon was still standing in the doorway screaming when the paramedics had arrived. Hisoka didn't notice until they tried to move him from the bed, throwing the first paramedic into the wall and placing a card to the throat of the second before he realized they were hear to help.

'Why can't I hear anything' Hisoka thought to himself as he apologized and backed out of the room to take a seat along the wall near Gon. As soon as he sat down, Gon stood moving away from him.

"Where were you?" Gon questioned, his voice almost a growl. "You were supposed to stay with him until I got back"

Hisoka finally realized he could hear "I went to grab clothes from my room." Hisoka deadpanned. Knowing where this was going. Gon was choosing to blame him for Killua's suicide. There was nothing he could say now that would make this right. Killua took his own life, and Gon would hate Hisoka forever.

"YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HERE!" Gon screamed losing control, he ran to Hisoka landing punch after punch into Hisoka's face and chest, all the while Hisoka never moved, allowing Gon to take his anger out on him. Hoping more than anything he wouldn't have to lose everything he had all at once. Perhaps this was all punishment for what he did to his mother. Once Gon had exhausted himself he fell to the ground kneeling before Hisoka, he kept his eyes on the ground.

"Leave." Gon demanded.

"No. I won't." Hisoka responded.

"Leave now," Gon said a little louder now. "I don't want you here anymore, how could I ever look at you again after this. Leave or kill me, but I won't stay with you another second."

"Gon" Hisoka said placing his finger under gons chin to make him look up. "Do you really think it will be that easy to leave me?"

"I don't care if it's easy or not, leave or I'll kill myself next." Gon said hoping Hisoka would just give up for once.

Hisoka moved to stand, and then he crouched down in front of gons face "I will never love another Gon. There will be no one else for me, and I promise you, there will be no one else for you neither. I will make sure of it. If you leave me now, you'll have to kill me… or I will come after everyone you love." Hisoka whispered to Gon before he stood and walked back to the elevator.

'No,' he thought to himself as he stood in the elevator. "Gon will not throw me aside so easily, I'll make him hunt me down."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I can't believe Killua did that while making eye contact with Gon… I'm so sorry for doing this you guys…

Food for thought… poor Hisoka isn't even given a chance to grieve for the loss of anyone…

Sorry this chapter was so short but I have to ease my way through this.

Please leave feedback. Tell me what you thought, what you want and where you hope this goes.

Please please please