I awoke the next morning just as light was breaking over the horizon. Sleep had been the best I'd had in weeks, a combination of the bed and the potion Solas had suggested. I thanked the Maker that sleep had been dreamless and I had not entered the Fade.
Stretching out on the mattress, I rubbed the sleep from my eyes before turning towards Cullen's bed. I had waited for some time to see if he would return, but as time passed I figured he'd be more embarrassed to find me still awake. I'd guessed he'd gone off to brood, a habit of his, and I couldn't blame him. While he'd received what I'd told him far better than I had predicted, I knew he'd have to think through it all at some point.
I found the bed empty, the sheets unmoved and his tunic still neatly folded on the end of the bed. Confused and a little worried, I quickly dressed and strode out of the cabin, his tunic tucked into a pocket within my cloak. The man only had one tunic with him and his armor had still been in the cabin. Cullen would not wander around the farmlands half-naked for both dignity's sake and pride for his position of Commander. I was unsure where to look first, but something in my gut said to return to where he and I had run into each other last night.
Trying my best to look calm and unhurried as I passed by the soldiers on patrol, I made my way up the steep hill I'd climbed in the dark. Praying to Andraste that I was going the right way, I froze when I heard him grunt. I ducked behind some rocks to hide, worried he'd be embarrassed if I walked up on whatever he was doing.
I peeked out from the rocks, the light of dawn making his form clear. He was in the middle of training alone: sweat dripping down his face and arms, his hair soaked with it as I looked him over to make sure he was alright. His sword and shield sat against a tree nearby as he was parallel to the ground, back rigid, arms bent as he pushed himself up and back down. He let out another exhale as he pushed back up, his face fierce as he focused.
I could only look in awe as I watched his muscled body work, the defined lines all along his arms contracting and the muscles of his back powerful as he moved. He then proceeded to move through several more exercises, taking up his sword and shield at one point. He moved so fluidly with them, it was like a dance as he weaved his sword through the air or moved his shield to block an imaginary opponent. He finished with them, crouching to sheath his sword and prop his shield against the tree once more.
Finishing, he stood, sweat rolling down the front of him as gravity pulled the drops down his chest. I looked away, my cheeks burning. I heard him gulp down air before he began stretching, cooling down from his exercise. Once finished, he turned away from me, but not to grab his gear. Instead he headed further away from the farms towards the sound of a babbling creek.
Seizing my chance, I came out from behind my cover and went after him. The creek sat at the foot of a small hill, its source a waterfall up to the left. It was beautiful up here, the hills, the water, the trees dressed in beautiful greens. I itched for parchment and chalk to draw it all with, but what little the Inquisition had could not be wasted on frivolous drawing, so I did not bother asking for any when a desire to draw had hit me previously. I heard a splash in the water and ripped my attention away from the beauty around me back to the man in front of me. I itched to draw him too as I glanced over his powerful body again. He still had not noticed my presence as he was now splashing water on his skin.
"Andraste preserve me," he mumbled before splashing more water on his face. He scrubbed his face with his hands before sighing deeply. He stayed hunched over the water for a few moments, as if looking at his reflection in the water. He dipped his hands in the stream again, gulping some down before he ran some through his hair. Abruptly, he stood, rubbing that spot on the back of his neck as he turned before I could hide away again.
"Maker's breath!" he spoke, alarm crossing his face, "Is something wrong?"
The sunlight danced off the droplets of water on his skin, his hair wild, and his face creased with worry. My words died in my throat and I had to bite my lip to keep from blurting that he was beautiful. Then I noticed the shadows under his eyes and realized he must not have slept at all last night and I pushed the thought away. I cleared my throat and dug out his tunic from within my cloak. "You never came back for this, I figured the Commander wouldn't want to be half-naked as he attended to his duties," I tried to joke as I held it out to him.
Mischief glittered in his eyes, "You don't seem too bothered by it."
My mouth fell open at his boldness and disobediently my eyes fell to his bare chest. I snapped them back up to find a smug smirk on his face. The nerve. "Listen here -" but my threat died in my throat as he stepped closer to me.
"Yes?" he quirked a brow, his smirk deepening, "I'm listening."
I let out a huff before throwing his tunic at him and charging off. I heard him laugh, which caused me to bristle. I turned back to find him pulling his tunic over his head, that smirk still firmly in place as he quickly caught up to me. Like a child, I continued walking without looking at him even as he easily kept pace with me. Curse these short elven legs. I could feel Cullen staring at me, baiting me into saying something. I clenched my jaw to keep myself from speaking.
"I'm sorry, Meira, that was rude of me," he apologized, "but, I figured it wasn't bothering you since you've been watching me for the last half hour."
I looked at him then, my mouth agape and shock on my face. He gave me a wicked smile. My cheeks went scarlet before I abruptly stopped and hid behind my hands. He knew! Andraste preserve me, he knew I was watching him. I wanted to find the closest hole and die in it. I heard Cullen laugh again before I felt him standing in front of me. A hand grabbed my wrist and gently tugged, but I wouldn't budge.
"Meira, you weren't exactly quiet on your approach," he teased, "and when you didn't show yourself, I thought you'd left, but then you were there. I hope you found my training...entertaining."
"Sweet Maker!" I hollered, winning a hearty laugh from him. "I'll get you back, Rutherford," I ground my teeth as I lowered my hands.
His eyebrows lifted in response, "Will you now? Want to try out your training on me?" He gestured to his sword and shield. "Since Asaala isn't here to train you individually, I should assess how you're coming along."
"You just want a chance to show off even more," I growled, conjuring an ice blade and shield with ease.
"I am simply trying to fulfill my role as commander in training a recruit," he denied as he readied his own weapons, "If I best them because they're too distracted, the fault lies at their feet."
"Pretentious knave," I bared my teeth. He barked a laugh and I realized he was riling me up for this fight. It had been his goal all along, goading me into anger to channel into a spar with him. My mana sang with the emotion. So be it, Commander.
I snarled as I rushed him. To my credit, he didn't immediately defeat me, but it didn't take long. I was still unsure how to use blade and shield against an intelligent adversary, so far only green recruits and demons being my opponents. With the recruits, I'd used a shield too heavy and a sword too unbalanced. With my magical weapons, I'd destroyed a creature that was essentially mindless in its attack.
These weapons were perfectly attuned to me, but the Commander being my first partner to try them with did not help me discern how much of a difference they would make. He was trying to gauge what knowledge I did have before he disarmed me, his sword point at my throat. I glared daggers at him as I took in quick breaths.
"I will be sure to make time for us to practice while we're here, since my responsibilities are slightly less for now. I know you're mad, but truly you did well," he offered as he lowered his sword.
"Are you sure you didn't just go easy on me, Commander?" I scowled.
"I swear I did not," he gave me an impish grin, clearly lying.
"You're a dreadful liar," I deadpanned. He grinned widely as he sheathed his sword and strapped his shield to his back. He looked up to the sky before looking back to me.
"Dennet was to show us the horses this morning, would you join me?" he offered, "Once finished, we should head back to the Crossroads. I want to ask Corporal Vale if he can suggest a group of locals to become the permanent guard here at the farmland. On our way we can scout out the spots Bron suggested to place the watchtowers."
"Cullen," I spoke as we started our descent, "I can't ride a horse."
...
With me hobbled to the farmland, Cullen and a few others had returned to the Crossroads. The next day, a recruit had arrived with a letter addressed to me from the Commander. Wanting to keep me up to date, Cullen informed me that he had sent word to Leliana of the situation at the farmland and that she had assured that there was nothing pressing for him to attend to in Haven.
Cullen had requested that a contingent of soldiers be sent to the farm to help root out the rogue templars and mages to make travel between the farmland and the Crossroads easier. They'd had a skirmish, but no casualties on our side. Rylen had sent a list of suggestions and Cullen had selected who he wanted. I suggested he add a couple mages to station at the farms as both healers and to aid in helping the crops to grow should colder weather become an issue. To my surprise, he agreed.
Elaina and Bron had agreed to provide the Inquisition with food in exchange for protection, but I had stipulated that a portion of the Inquisition's crops and livestock go to the refugees at the Crossroads until they could get on their feet. Bron had asked Cullen to spread word that paid work would be available at the farm for the refugees that were interested and able. Cullen had offered for me to ride with him on his horse, but I had refused instead stating that I would stay behind and help get the fields ready for planting.
The bandits had done too much damage to the fields for them to simply be replanted. New rows had to be plowed, so I helped as Elaina led a huge workhorse while Bron controlled the plow. I followed behind and threw seed into the rows they made. The other farmers were doing the same in their own fields.
I wiped the sweat from my brow, most of my armor long discarded. My feet and back ached, but I didn't complain as we now had the promise of food, mounts and a way to help the refugees. All that was left to do was end the threats surrounding these people.
I looked toward the main road for the hundredth time looking for Cullen. They were due back today and relief flooded through me as I spied his golden hair emerging from the trees. He looked completely at ease atop his horse, leading the others. Dennet had offered a few extra horses to help move people about. A few of the horses had no rider, instead pulling carts behind them laden with lumber, stones, and people. A smile spreading on my face, I returned to my task.
...
A few days later, I stretched my arms overhead as Elaina, Bron and I prepared to take a short break. I looked to the hill directly overlooking the farmlands where Cullen and the others were building on if the towers. I could make out Cullen's golden head; he was helping the soldiers dig trenches for the foundation stones.
We'd gone to the logging site the scouts had found nearest the farmland to get lumber to build a defensive wall around the farms and to add second stories to the towers. The farmland had plenty of stone to use for the watchtower walls.
After we finished our projects here, we'd have enough timber to send to Haven once we had the horses and carts to do so. Cullen wanted to begin construction on fortifications for Haven once we returned. I smiled to myself, a weight lifting off my shoulders as so many things had fallen into place through our visit here. All that was left was to deal with the rogue mages and templars and end the bandit threat.
"Meira, would you mind taking up some food to Commander Cullen and the others?" Elaina asked after we'd finished a quick meal of leftover food. She'd loaded one of the horses Dennet had gifted us with sacks and water skeins. She was leading it towards me. A beautiful creature of power and muscle, I could admire it despite my unease. It towered above me as intelligent eyes studied me. It's tail swished as it ended its assessment of me and I felt my heart flicker in panic.
"I don't know how to ride," I whispered.
"That's alright, dear, just take the reins and lead her. We'll save riding for another time," she smiled her understanding.
"She won't just take off?" I eyed the creature suspiciously.
"So long as your firm, stand on the left between her shoulder and head, you'll be fine," she assured, "Hold the reins with your right hand, the extra in your left. Don't wrap 'em around or if she does take off, you'll be going with her - or at least your hand will," she chuckled the last part.
"That doesn't make me feel better," I groaned.
"You've gotta learn sometime," Elaina shrugged and thrust the reins at me.
I gulped, but placed them as instructed, Elaina nodding her head. I sighed and began to walk. The horse didn't move.
"You have to signal her to move," Elaina said, fighting a smile.
"How do I do that?" I growled, embarrassed.
"Click your tongue," she instructed.
I stood next to the horse, clicked my tongue and started walking. This time it moved. Elaina laughed before going back to the field. I sighed and continued walking alongside the horse up the path to the construction site.
"On three," Cullen's voice called as the horse and I crested the hill. I found him and the others lifting a large, cut stone. To my dismay, all the men were shirtless. I felt my entire body go red and quickly averted my eyes.
"One...two...three!" Cullen shouted.
I looked back, despite my discomfort, to watch as they all simultaneously lowered the stone into the awaiting trench. Recruits hurried forward to shovel in mortar, a few entering the trench to trowel it into place.
"Good job, men," Cullen praised, "And it seems lunch has arrived."
Cullen looked towards me and I looked at him. My eyes dropped to his bare torso, remembering this morning before quickly looking away. I turned to the horse and started undoing the ties to the sacks and skeins. Turning back, I found myself surrounded by half-naked men, my face started burning as hot as the sun.
"Men, have some decorum. There is a lady present," Cullen yelled good-naturedly, pulling his own tunic over his head.
"She's one of us Commander. Needs to get used to roughing it with the soldiers, clothed or naked," one of the men hollered, causing the others to chortle.
I ground my teeth at their teasing and insinuation before I opened my mouth, "One of you she may be, but she's also your resident healer. I'd recommend not getting on her bad side." The men hurried their apologies, noticing my clear discomfort before grabbing their tunics. Cullen approached, adjusting his shirt into to place. He smirked mischievously as I met his eyes.
"What?" I chided, my eyes daggers.
"Nothing, nothing," he put his hands up defensively, "just didn't think that - as our resident healer - you'd be uncomfortable with half-naked men," he teased.
"Acting as healer, they're usually gushing blood too much for me to notice that they're naked," I bit back.
"Still, it's not very...professional," he grinned broadly.
"Maker's breath, shut it!" I growled, my face going even redder.
Cullen laughed heartily as he helped undo the rest of the bags. He took the ones in my hands from me and shouldered them before working his way over to the others. He set the sacks and skeins down.
"How's it coming?" I nodded to the watchtower as I came to his side.
"It's coming along nicely," he spoke enthusiastically as he began passing food out to the others as they lined up, "They'll work well, with enough room to store rations and bunk a few soldiers. I'm hoping to have them all built within two weeks."
"And after that?" I probed.
"We'll return to Haven," he stated.
"What about the bandits? The mages and templars?" I protested as I poured water into tankards before pressing them into the recruits' hands.
"Getting to Dennet was our pressing issue," he reminded, "The mages and templars must be dealt with as they are making travel between here and the Crossroads impossible. We'll have to wait for the additional soldiers to arrive, however, as Rylen wanted to assure that there are no gaps in the defenses in Haven. He said to expect them by the end of the week. We'll return to Haven after, and assess how to address the bandits. Perhaps Leliana will have more information by then so we can make informed decisions. For now, the refugees and the farmers will have a little breathing room."
"Did Leliana mention how Bethany is doing? What about Minaeve?" I questioned.
"She said Bethany's load has lightened considerably," he had a small smile on his face, "She's been able to teach the Chantry sisters how to treat wounds that don't need magical intervention. Now Bethany is able to focus only on the most dire of cases. Minaeve has no shortage of subjects to study according to Leliana."
"I'm sure Minaeve is enjoying herself then. I need to give Bethany a break when we return," I sighed as I sat the last water skein down.
"Perhaps we need to find more mages to help with healing? You can't be the only two and you have more responsibilities that leave Bethany on her own," Cullen stated as he took out food for himself. There was bread, salted meat, cheese wedges and apples. He held an apple out to me.
"Thank you," I smiled as I plucked the fruit from his hand, "I agree, but who do you have in mind?"
"I'm not sure," Cullen shrugged dejectedly before sitting.
"Perhaps we need to look outside mages to apothecaries and alchemists?" I offered, joining him.
"Perhaps, we'll address it when we get back," he replied, "Maybe Bethany will have some input."
We sat in silence as he ate and the horse grazed. I munched on my apple as I studied the farmlands below, my eyes drifting to the cabin we would call home for the next few weeks. Things had eased between us since that first night in the cabin. We'd fallen into a friendly banter with each other upon his return when we weren't being professional. Neither of us had broached personal subjects again, however.
"Why were you never taught to ride a horse?" Cullen asked.
"We didn't ride them in the clan and I never learned to ride a halla. The Circle didn't think it important as we would never have need of it," I laughed without humor.
"Well, we'll have to remedy that," he smirked after swallowing a bite, "There is something freeing about horseback riding."
"How did you learn to ride?" I arched a brow.
"My father taught me before I left for training," he reminisced, "We were farmers; farming crops and raising druffalo, much the same as here. Father used our horse not only to plow, but to move the druffalo from one pasture to another. He was planning on purchasing another horse in order for me to help herd the druffalo, but then the knight-captain visited. My parents graciously allowed me to pursue a career as a templar. As a templar, we'd need to be able to ride if we ever had errands to run over long distances or to track down - that is, it was necessary."
"Track down apostates?" I finished for him.
Cullen's face darkened, but he nodded.
"What is it like? Killing those you know?" I probed, taking the opportunity to question him as he seemed willing to be open.
"Thankfully, I didn't have to do it too often, but the times I did - it was difficult. Less so, because they had usually become an abomination by the time we'd reached them," he spoke the last part with bitterness.
"If you could change things, what would you do?" I asked, studying his profile.
"Well, I think the Circles are important, as are templars," he voiced, "However, I think templars need to have the opportunity to leave - to work and live outside the Circle. To leave the Order if they wish. Templars can leave the Circle and patrol outside the Circle, but only for Circle or Chantry related business. Templars are just as tied to the Circle as mages." His answer was vague, but before I could question him further he asked, "What about you?"
"I suppose I would want the same, but I don't know enough about templar life to be able to have valuable input," I replied, sheepishly.
"Perhaps that will change, if your sister chooses to seek out the templars for help with the Breach," he wondered aloud, rolling his apple between his hands.
"I wouldn't count on that," I shook my head before throwing my apple core into some nearby weeds.
"Why not?" He knew it was obvious in his irritated voice, but was hoping I could offer more insight as to why she didn't want to approach the templars.
"She - and the clan in general - are not enthusiastic of templars," I replied, memories of the Keeper telling me why I had to be sent away resurfacing.
"Did something happen?" he asked, his brow furrowing with concern at the look on my face.
"There's a reason my sister and I were the first mages born in our clan after many years," I began, "It is the same reason I was outcasted."
"What happened?" he asked, his apple forgotten.
"We had several mages in our clan when the Keeper was young," I imparted, "They practiced peacefully, using it to better the clan. Over time, however, their power began attracting...spirits."
"Spirits or demons?" he questioned, though his voice was not judgmental.
"Spirits," I confirmed, "Unfortunately, they didn't remain spirits. The mages differed on wether to communicate with them or ignore them. One of the mages began communicating with them in secret and eventually pulled a few others in. They hoped to discover more about Elven history. As their desire for knowledge grew - as the leader's pride grew at knowing more than other clans - the spirits began shifting. No longer were they spirits, but more; and they in turn began to want. In so doing, they began to promise knowledge about the elves, about magic, about anything in exchange for what they wanted."
"So, they became demons," he deduced, a frown pulling on his mouth.
"Yes," I nodded, "When it happened - when they all were twisted - the clan was camped close to a human settlement. They were working on trading with them. The leader and a few of his followers had succumbed to possession. Unable to fight the demons, they attacked the village, slaughetering many - men, women, children - before templars arrived. It was a brutal fight, but in the end the templars won. In their anger, they turned their swords on our clan. Many escaped, having left the possessed to their fate when the attack began, but many were lost. One of them was our grandfather. Our grandmother was pregnant with our father at the time. My father always hated the templars for taking his father before he'd ever known him."
"I am sorry," he met my eyes.
"Thank you," I smiled sadly, "Though the clan knew it was in the wrong - thus the changes - they still held a grudge for the templars taking their 'justice' too far."
"It should not have happened," he nodded his assent.
We went back to silence, Cullen offering his apple to the mare who'd worked her way to us. He leaned back on his hands before sprawling his legs in front of him. I looked towards the sun and realized some time had passed.
"I need to get back to Elaina," I stood, brushing the dirt from my pants.
Cullen stood too and nodded. He collected the sacks and water skeins, and began strapping them back onto the horse. A look flitted across his face when he finished.
"What?" I asked, arching a brow.
"Does that mean your father wouldn't approve of me?" he mused aloud.
"Well, technically, you're not a templar anymore, right? Besides, it's not like you're ever going to meet him," I chuckled.
"Your sister didn't tell you?" he asked as his lips twitched.
"Tell me what?" I turned to him as a look of horror crossed my face.
"She's asked them to come to Haven," he stated as he was still fighting a smile.
"WHAT?" I practically shouted, causing the horse's ears to flicker.
"I'm sorry, I thought you knew," he chuckled.
"Why would they come here?" I grumbled.
"Between your sister's tie to the Breach, trouble in their homeland and you, they feel they must," he crossed his arms over his chest.
"Me? What do they care about me?" I questioned aloud, disbelief lacing my voice.
"Ellana said your mother, father and other siblings wanted to see you," he smiled, gently.
"Other siblings?" I gasped.
"She didn't tell you that either?" His brow furrowed as his smile faltered and he rubbed the back of his neck.
"Apparently, she hasn't told me much of anything," I growled, bitterly.
"Perhaps you didn't allow her to?" he questioned, softly.
"It is not my job to cultivate a relationship with her," I bit out, "She and the rest of them turned their backs on me."
"As I've said, it does not do to be without family," he voiced, though I felt he was talking to himself as much as to me.
"When was the last time you spoke with your family?" I retorted, regretting it as soon as the words were out at the hurt that flashed across his face, "Besides, family doesn't have to be blood."
"True, but you have the luxury of -" he began before a recruit interrupted us.
"Commander," the soldier saluted, he was one of the new recruits from among Vale's men.
"Yes, Jim?" Cullen turned, his tone a little short.
"Ser, we should return to work, the mortar is beginning to harden," the recruit offered.
"Aye, recruit," Cullen nodded.
"I'll see you later for patrol?" I asked as I took up the horse's reins.
"Yes," he nodded, "We'll continue our conversation then."
I led the horse back down the path, trying to process the fact that I would soon see my family.
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