"And you two didn't at least kiss? By the Maker, Meira!" Minaeve cried as her hands slapped her pillow. I had told them some of what had happened between Cullen and I; mostly our flirtatious exchanges, sharing the cabin and the more lighthearted things. Nothing about what Cullen had confessed to me.
"I wanted to, but..." I paused, searching for the right words but failing so I gave Cullen's reasoning. "Well, he's the Commander and, technically, I am a recruit under him. It wouldn't be appropriate."
"Andraste's frilly smallclothes," Minaeve grumbled, "That is the poorest excuse I have ever heard. You were in a cabin alone. You were on the road back alone. You were in an inn with one bed alone. I may not be the most experienced in love and physical intimacy, but that sounds like some choice setups to me! You could've at least confessed how you felt about him."
"Go easy on them, Minaeve," Bethany chided, "I think their slow pace and demureness is adorable. We could use some innocence right now."
"True enough," Minaeve conceded, "But really, Meira! Not even a kiss?"
"I - we - he," my face was burning and I buried it into my pillow. "I-I kissed him on the cheek and he kissed me back...on the cheek," I mumbled.
"There's no need to rush anything," Bethany encouraged, a gentle hand on my back coaxing me out of the pillow, "It will happen when the Maker intends and will be just as you both need."
"I don't know how the Commander's needhasn't taken over," Minaeve mumbled, "The man must have a supernatural amount of self-control." Minaeve seemed to ponder this, "That may actually be a good thing. A reallygood thing for you, Meira. If the things I've read about s-"
"Maker's breath, shut it!" I cried, my face positively scarlet. Thoughts of Cullen and I being intimate came unbidden. I quickly shoved them away. "I - I'm not ready for thatyet. Even though I wantedto kiss him, I still don't know if I'm ready."
I took a deep breath and confessed to both of them why. I didn't give gruesome details of what Alrik had done, but enough that they would understand. "I don't even know how to be physically intimate. Well, I mean I know the...mechanics of it - maybe I should explain it more as I'm not sure how heis supposed to be physically intimate with me. All I've ever experienced is abuse: forced and violent."
My voice got thick at the last statement, so I took a moment to collect myself. Minaeve and Bethany wore empathetic faces as I continued, "Cullen is...unsure of himself. I'm unsure of myself for that matter. I liked whenever he'd be close to me, I initiated most of it; I even enjoyed the sensation of him atop me - accidentally," I glared at Minaeve's wiggling eyebrows, "Even though I think I shouldn't have because...of Alrik. I just...I trust Cullen. He was and is my dearest friend. I don't know if he feels more than that for me. I hope he does, but I still wouldn't want to rush into a romantic relationship. I'm honestly not sure I'm ready for one and even more unsure of how I would react to...anything more than chaste kisses on the cheek. I may be overthinking things, but for now I'm comfortable with the slow pace. I also understand his desire to be above reproach in the eyes of the soldiers."
"We're here for you," Bethany stated, "You can come to us any time you need an ear to listen."
"Absolutely," Minaeve nodded, "And know that though I may push and joke, I would never want you doing anything that makes you uncomfortable. We care about you and just want to see you happy."
I smiled fondly at both of them, tears filling my eyes.
...
The next morning, I awoke early for the meeting with Josephine and Leliana. Minaeve was gone already, but Bethany was still getting dressed.
"Good morning," I murmured.
"Good morning," she chuckled before her smiled faltered, "What is it?"
"I know you were in the Gallows while Cullen was Knight-Captain and later while he was Knight-Commander," I began, "What was he like, during that time? He...holds a lot of blame and regret."
Bethany's face turned serious,"Whatever he says about himself will be far harsher than the truth. He has placed the blame solely at his own feet for everything that happened in that Maker forsaken city. Is he to blame for some of it? Absolutely, he was Knight-Captain. The thing he seems to forget is that he was promoted to the position almost instantaneously upon his transfer - that is not only unheard of, but it was a burden I don't think he was ready to bear. Meredith knew that, I have no doubt."
"That's not answering my question, Bethany," I probed.
"Cullen...took care of his charges - mages and templars," she sighed, "He was cold and formal, but he didlook after the mages. As much as he could anyway. Meredith made sure he was absent a lot of the time. When he was gone, the other templars were far bolder in their actions against us. Not all of them - there were templars that shared Cullen's mentality of protecting both us and the outside.
"Meredith's harsh treatment encouraged harsher treatment by those with less power than she. What abuses Cullen did witness, he put a stop to with a fervor; as did the others who followed him. There were abuses he did allow, but not - Andraste, give me strength," Bethany closed her eyes as she searched for the words, "The darkness that festered in that Circle did not leave Cullen untouched - and he already had darkness shrouding him. He did try to be an example to the templars subordinate to him by doing his best to do right by us. When he brought me to the Gallows, he looked after me.
"He saw me placed in a position teaching the fledglings. He checked on me and the other mages placed in his charge regularly, and saw us as comfortable as he could. He didn't stop the templars from locking us up or intimidating us - so long as they didn't cross the line of physical abuse. He didn't agree a lot of the time when Meredith performed the Rite, but he didn't stop her either.
"Meredith, at least in the beginning, was not entirely unreasonable though. She and Orsino tried to work things out. They wanted the people protected and the mages looked after, but what they believed that should look like differed so greatly it was next to impossible for them to compromise; yet they did, early on. As the years went on, Meredith grew harsher - more paranoid, more prejudice. We began to live in fear. That's when Cullen started to change - he'd look into our eyes and I would see the light of concern flicker in his," Bethany looked at me.
"Did you know - about Alrik that is?" I asked, "Did anyone know?"
Bethany blanched and blinked, "Meira, I had no idea what Alrik was doing and the fact that I didn't makes me sick. He was...revolting, but I could never put my finger on why. He acted with the utmost decorum when around us and Meredith or Cullen were present. When they weren't, he talk about freeing mages from their sin, wanting Tranquility to be more common that it was already. It was…creepy - I don't know how else to put it and I didn't think much of it beyond that. Neither Meredith or Cullen agreed with him.
"Once he was dead, a weight lifted off a lot of the mages' and templars' shoulders - though no one understood why, until Cullen found you and the evidence of Alrik's experiments. The few templars that were left, Cullen took to task. He wanted to know who did know, who allowed it to happen and why no one ever came to him. Those that were left, had no idea. I had never seen Cullen so...upset.
"Marian told me after you left that Anders knew Alrik was abusing the Rite, but he had no idea how perversely he was abusing it; Anders thought Alrik was just wanting to make all mages Tranquil, not making them Tranquil just so they'd be compliant to his abuses. Marian speculated that all the templars that knew of the extent he was abusing mages, died with him when she and Anders broke into the Gallows."
I nodded, but said nothing.
"Meira," Bethany murmured and I met her eyes, "There are evil people in every walk of life. I had been terrified of the templars prior to going to the Circle. Living as an apostate, constantly on the run - I assumed the worst of them. The stories of Meredith and the Gallows did not help. Then Cullen took me to the Circle, Meredith put me through the Harrowing and I lived amongst them. They were doing their jobs and most of them understood what that meant.
"As things got more and more strenuous, it separated the good from the bad. The bad became worse and the good were given the choice to act or join. They chose to act. It was later than it should have been, but still - when it mattered most - they protected us. Cullen called for Meredith to stand down and challenged her when she didn't alongside Marian. Once she was gone and the city in chaos, Cullen rallied the loyal templars and served the community - all of the community. When Cassandra came, he left the Order to do something better and asked me to come along. He's wanting another chance and-"
"Bethany," I smiled, "I just wanted to hear what he was like from another perspective. I know what I see in him and what he has told me has not lessened my feelings for him."
"I'm sorry, I was rambling wasn't I?" she chuckled, "I was just trying to find the right words and I probably failed miserably. I wasn't lying when I said I love him like a brother, I do. I have seen him change so much because he wanted to and he...cares, deeply even though he hides it. It is endearing," Bethany smiled.
"Careful or I'll think you've fallen for him too," I flashed a wicked grin.
"Hardly," Bethany rolled her eyes, "While I love him like a brother, he's not my type."
"And what is your type?"
"Not broody templars," she teased.
...
I was exiting the cabin when I saw Cullen in full armor striding through the village gates. He had a few rolls of parchment in his arms, a clipboard and a mug of something hot in his hands. He seemed to be having trouble balancing everything as he had to slow his pace every few steps and adjust. I giggled before calling out to him, "Good morning, Commander!"
He startled before his eyes found mine. He gave a small smile, his eyes softening as I approached, "Good morning, Meira. Did you sleep well?"
"Not a wink," I joked, "I missed Minaeve and Bethany. We had too much fun catching up - it reminded me of days in the apprentice dorms." I blushed a little as I recalled our conversation, the man in question now before me.
He chuckled, "They care very much about you. I'm glad."
"As am I." I looked at the contents of his arms, "Can I carry something for you?"
"You - you don't need to do that," he blushed.
"I know I don't need to, but you look like you could use an extra hand," I chuckled before taking the rolls of parchment from him, doing my best to not jostle the mug he held. "What are you drinking?" I asked as I nodded towards his mug.
"Tea," he grimaced, "It's dreadful, but I needed something to help clear my head. I didn't get much sleep last night either."
"What do you like, if not tea?" I quirked a brow.
"Coffee," he said longingly, "Kirkwall had it and I miss it terribly. They imported it from Antiva, I think. Black - no cream or sugar - bold, smooth and heady. It was one of the few things I enjoyed while I was there."
"I can tell," I smiled at him.
We made our way to the Chantry, chatting in low tones all the along the way. Quartermaster Threnn nodded her head in my direction as we passed after saluting Cullen. We walked to the back of the Chantry, Cullen holding the door open for me to walk through. A large table sat in the middle of the room with a giant map of Southern Thedas spread across it. Leliana and Josephine were not in the room yet, but I doubted they'd be long.
"Were you able to write a report?" Cullen asked after he'd set his things down. He sipped his tea, groaned and then chugged it down. I noticed as he tried to conceal a shudder.
I chuckled before answering his question. "Yes, I finished it. Do I need to give it to you?"
"You can," he nodded, "It's mostly so we can pay you appropriately for your time."
"Pay me?" I quirked a brow, astonished.
"Yes, Meira," he smiled, "You have been working hard and rightly deserve a reward for it. When the money comes, that is."
"I'm happy to report that some has," Josephine announced as she and Leliana strode into the room. Josephine smiled warmly at me which I returned. Leliana gave a nod. "With your efforts in the Hinterlands and the Herald's efforts in Val Royeaux, we've had a few sizable donations. Enough that we can start paying small wages. It's not much, but it's a start."
"A cause is what unites an army," Cullen stated, "but coin is what keeps them."
"Indeed, Commander," Leliana nodded, "Let's get started shall we?"
Cullen and I recounted all that had taken place while we were away at the farms. Leliana listened quietly, while Josephine penned down important names and occurrences. Once finished, they looked over the reports we had written and they all thanked me for my efforts. Josephine produced a small coin pouch and handed it to me.
"Your payment," Cullen smiled.
I picked up the coin bag as if it were a priceless item, before opening it to peer at the contents. My mouth fell open, "Thank you."
They all chuckled.
"The other matter we wanted to discuss with both of you present is the fledgling mages that have been brought to Haven," Leliana stated.
"We have them settled in one of the empty cabins, but room is tight and we're unsure how to handle young mages who are not in full control of their magic," Josephine added. "We thought that you, Commander, as an ex-templar and you, Mistress Lavellan, as a former Enchanter would be best suited for seeing to the matter. We wish to care for them since no one else is, but we're unsure how best to go about protecting them and ourselves."
Cullen and I glanced at each other. "We need to assign a templar or two to look after them," Cullen began, "but they also need someone who can continue training them in their education - both magical and standard. I am sure they are frightened, so I suggest they be given a distraction through education."
"I agree," I nodded, "The children may be in less control of their magic, but the right teacher can help them understand how to avoid accidents. However, to ensure accidents do not get out of hand, placing a couple of templars with them would be wise. I suggest that these templars be at a distance, however, as we do not know what these children have seen."
"Fair enough," Cullen inclined his head, "I will be sure to assign a couple of the younger templars, who have not been hardened by this war. Any recommendations for a teacher?"
"Bethany comes to mind first, but she has her hands full," I mused, "Who are the other mages present in Haven?"
Leliana handed me a clipboard, "Here are few names that were readily suggested by the mages we have here."
I glanced over the list. "Thank you. I will speak with each before giving you my recommendation." I looked to Cullen, "Would you want to speak to them with me?"
He gave me a look of surprise, but nodded, "I would, if you'd like me to be present. We can schedule times for interviews."
...
Over the next weeks after our arrival back in Haven, life became far busier. Cullen and I saw to the fledgling mages first, making it a top priority. We selected a mage named Sarah, who was kind, patient and gentle with the children. She was very well educated and had seen to the curricula for the children in her own Circle.
Cullen invited me to help select the templars that would be assigned. We chose templars named Lysette and Keran to be their guardians. They were instructed to keep their distance, but to observe.
Sarah was instructed to give them daily updates as to their progress, which they were to pass on to Cullen and I. The children seemed to flourish under Sarah's care, the distraction of education working to keep their minds off of things. Cullen and I would check in on them when we could.
I resumed training with the recruits who had vastly improved in our absence, my skills growing sharper and sharper. Cullen implemented defensive close-quarters and leveraging techniques into our exercises which made for fun wrestling tournaments. Cullen didn't approve outwardly, but he didn't put a stop to them either.
I trained with Bethany, who was taking Asaala's place until she returned, my magic becoming stronger as well. Per Cullen's request, Bethany was to teach me techniques for implementing a staff as a weapon.
He'd given her movement flows to show me that caused the staff to act like a blunt weapon that could incapacitate an enemy that got too close, but the moves also helped magic to flow more smoothly than simply pointing and casting. It was exhausting, swinging a heavy stick around and I quickly developed calluses from the wood. Bethany showed me how to wrap the grip with leather to give my hands some cushion.
With all the busyness, I was able to observe the others from afar, my recent epiphany as to my hypocrisy causing me to see everything and everyone in a new light. As I observed, I realized everyone was suffering. The faithful had suffered a blow to their faith, with nearly everyone having lost someone in the blast. Leliana had been hit hard by the Divine's death, often praying in her tent across from the Chantry. Cullen was struggling with something other than what he had revealed to me, but what, I wasn't certain, as he was doing his best to hide it.
Everyone was hurting, everyone was scared, but in Haven the people of the Inquisition came together. The village worked together in everything and tackled Cullen's requested fortifications with a passion. People smiled and laughed with each other as they worked. There was hope here and a unity that was sorely needed.
When I wasn't training, I helped Minaeve - our knowledge of demons expanding even further. I would draw what she needed and help her work through her theories. The Tranquil I'd saved from the rogue templars began to apprentice directly under Minaeve, and she quickly learned all we'd discovered and our techniques.
I'd assist Bethany in teaching the Sisters and Mother Giselle more about healing wounds that didn't need magic. I even assisted Flissa, the barmaid at the tavern, in cooking. There was plenty to help Flissa with as the recruits had been successful in their hunting exercise.
Ellana and the others returned to the Hinterlands after three weeks at the Storm Coast. They were on their way to meet with Fiona in Redcliffe. Ellana had sent word that they'd been unsuccessful in discovering more about where the Grey Wardens were, but had recruited the Bull's Chargers and a group called the Blades of Hessarian.
The Chargers arrived in Haven ahead of Ellana with Asaala in tow. The Iron Bull, the qunari leader of the Chargers, drew quite a lot of attention. Not just because of his massive size, but he had a very disarming personality. He could read you like a book, yet make you feel at ease about it. Rumors spread that he had numerous visitors to his tent late in the night soon after his arrival. I was able to observe him training at one point and found him skilled in both combat and leadership.
The rest of the Chargers, while appearing rag-tag, were professionals. I found the group endearing, despite their endeavors not to be. Asaala and Bull hit it off famously, raucously laughing in the tavern at night as they slammed back ales together.
A few days later, Cullen informed me that Ellana's return would be set back. Rifts like those that had appeared along the mountain, had opened up all over the Hinterlands; she would see them closed before her meeting with Fiona. Solas speculated that the rifts had opened because the Breach was not truly sealed and guessed the Inquisition would hear word of rifts appearing all over Thedas the longer the Breach remained opened.
Ellana and the others returned a week later, having sent word ahead that the situation in Redcliffe was "dire." The mages were now indentured to a Tevinter magister who'd thrown Arl Teagan out on the street. Strange rifts had appeared that affected time around them outside of Redcliffe. She and the advisors were locked within the war room for hours upon her return. I was placing some reports on Josephine's desk when I overheard their voices.
"We don't have the manpower to take the castle! Either we find another way in or give up this nonsense and go get the templars!" Cullen growled.
"Redcliffe is in the hands of a magister. This cannot be allowed to stand," Cassandra sounded despondent.
"The letter from Alexius asked for the Herald of Andraste by name. It's an obvious trap," Josephine warned.
"We can't waste time arguing amongst ourselves, we have to come to an agreement," Ellana's exhausted voice pushed.
"A Tevinter magister controls Redcliffe, invites us to the castle to talk and some of us want to do nothing?" Leliana snapped.
"Not this again," Josephine sighed.
"Redcliffe Castle is one of the most defensible fortresses in Ferelden. It has repelled thousandsof assualts," Cullen argued, "If you go in there, you'll die, and we'll lose the only means we have of closing these rifts. I won'tallow it!" He seemed to be talking to Ellana. I knew it wasn't his intention to sound as though he valued her Mark more than her actual life, but I hurt for her regardless.
"And if we don't even tryto meet Alexius, we lose the mages and leave a hostile foreign power on our doorstep," Leliana chided.
"Even if we could assault the keep, it would be for naught," Josephine retorted, "An 'Orlesian' Inquisition's army marching into Ferelden would provoke a war. Our hands are tied."
"The Magister -" Cassandra began.
"Hasoutplayed us," Cullen finished.
"The Magister's son, Felix, told me Alexius is part of a cult that's obsessed with me," Ellana laughed without humor, "I doubt they'll graciously receive our apologies and go about their business."
"They will remain a threat, and a powerful one, unless we act," Leliana warned.
"We cannot accept defeat now, there must be a solution," Cassandra stated, "What about the Arl? Surely he would help get his castle back?"
"After he was displaced, Arl Teagan rode straight to Denerim to petition the Crown for help," Josephine explained, "I doubt he'll want our assistance once the Fereldan army lays siege to his castle."
"What about the Templars? They must help us close the Breach. The Order was foundedto fight magic," Cullen argued again.
"We must first convince the Lord Seeker to bring the Templars out of exile," Leliana reasoned.
"We've received word from a knight-recruit: they gather at Therinfal Redoubt," Cullen informed the group.
"It's been vacant for decades. Why go there?" Cassandra questioned.
"We must approach the Lord Seeker again to get anywhere; we can ask him then," Josephine dismissed Cassandra's question.
"I am notgoing," Ellana seethed, "Besides the Lord Seeker made it clear he isn't interested in dealing with anyone 'unimportant'."
"Then we must change how he sees us, no?" Leliana cooed.
"If it's status the Lord Seeker wants, the Inquisition will approach him after allying with the noblest houses in Orlais," Josephine offered.
"They'll come with us to Therinfal and demand the templars help close the Breach," Leliana explained.
"You believe that will work?" Cullen asked, his voice skeptical.
"Even the Lord Seeker would find it difficult to ignore so many nobles on his doorstep," Cassandra chuckled.
"Yes, especially if led by the Herald of Andraste," Leliana agreed.
"For the sake of argument, why do you think we should?" Ellana sighed.
"We fear if we don't, this Venatori could pose a significant problem without them," Leliana explained, "But I would prefer to free the mages from the clutches of a magister."
"Explain why you think having the Herald at the Redoubt would work?" Ellana questioned.
"Rumors you were saved from the Fade by Andraste have grown legion among the templars," Leliana explained.
"We've done our part to encourage them," Josephine added.
"A Herald with a few companions may be dismissed, easily set aside," Leliana continued, "That same Herald returning with noble support will be reconsidered, as will the power of the Inquisition."
"Isn't there the slightest chance the Lord Seeker would see my arrival as a threat?" Ellana probed.
"Before I would have said he was a man of reason, now I could not say," Cassandra answered honestly.
"With respect," Cullen began, "after his appearance in Val Royeaux, hangwhat the Lord Seeker thinks!"
"We do not need the Lord Seeker," Leliana agreed, "we need his templars - with or without his approval."
"Is there no alternative way to get to the mages?" Ellana asked.
There was a pause in the conversation. I heard footfalls out in the main hall, shouts in the distance and headed for the door.
"Wait!" Leliana's voice broke the silence, "There is a secret passage into the castle, an escape route for the family. The Hero and I used it during the Blight to end the siege on Redcliffe castle. It's too narrow for our troops, but we could send agents through."
"Too risky," Cullen disagreed, "those agents would be discovered long before they would reach the magister."
"That's why we need a distraction? Perhaps the envoy Alexius wants so badly?" Leliana proposed.
"While they're focused on Lavellan, we break the magister's defenses," Cullen strategized, "It could work, but it's a hugerisk."
I watched as an elegantly dressed man swung the war room's door open, a recruit on his heels. "Fortunately, you'll have help," the man declared, his voice rich and smooth.
"This man says he has information about the magister and his methods, Commander," the recruit stated.
"Your spies will never get past Alexius's magic without myhelp," the man explained, "So if you're going, I'm coming along."
"The plan puts you in the most danger," Cullen warned Ellana, "We can't, in good conscience, order you to do this. We can still go after the templars if you'd rather not play the bait. It's up to you."
The discussion paused again.
"I can't decide yet," Ellana admitted, "I need to think it over. I do not trust templars, but I see your point in possibly needing them to fight this cult. If only we could have both sides join us, as I am beginning to believe both may be necessary."
"Think on it, Herald," Cullen acquiesced, "This isn't a choice to be taken lightly."
Ellana left the room, the elegantly dressed man following her. They spoke in hushed tones, but paused when Ellana saw me. I looked her over briefly and my heart twisted. She looked exhausted and thin. Her eyes were bloodshot and red-rimmed as if she'd been crying.
"There's two of you?" the man laughed incredulously as he looked at my face. He was pretty, there was no other word for it. His swarthy skin, glossy hair and impeccable mustache that graced his full mouth. He had noble features and a graceful air about him, but his dark eyes held the promise of the best kind of trouble.
"This is my twin sister, Meira," Ellana introduced me, "Meira, this is Dorian Pavus."
The advisors exited the war room and spoke quietly amongst each other in the hall. Their eyes flicked to Ellana and Dorian.
"A pleasure," Dorian dipped his head. "If not for your hair - as lovely as it is - and lack of vallaslin - as well as they suit you, Herald - you'd be indistinguishable from each other." Leliana's eyes focused on Dorian as he spoke those words. "Well, I should return to Redcliffe," Dorian bowed, "I need to keep watch of Alexius and be there for Felix's communications. Do let me know what you decide."
Dorian worked his way to the Chantry door, but was stopped by Cullen. The two men spoke briefly before Cullen gestured for Dorian to exit before him. I guessed Cullen would be asking the man about Alexis in order to gain more strategic knowledge about the mysterious magister.
Ellana turned to me, "What do you think I should do? Approach the mages or the templars for help?"
I had no clearer answer for her. Both had merits and drawbacks. Both seemed necessary for the task ahead and the Breach seemed too large for any one force to handle. The mages needed help being freed from the magister, but the templars were more trusted by the people of Thedas.
As the advisors had said, they would also be very useful in facing this Venatori. Yet, the mages were in danger - by their own doing - and could become a hostile force if the magister so elected. I explained all this, which only seemed to confuse Ellana's choice further. With that, she gave a slight nod, her eyes staring nothing and I watched as she dejectedly walked out of the Chantry's doors.
...
With Ellana's return, I determined to draw closer to her. She's been scarce since our conversation in the Chantry. I knew she was struggling, so I made my way to her cabin one afternoon. I found her there, painting a halla on a wall. "Do you mind if I come in?"
Her eyes met mine: they were hollow. "If you want."
I approached her and sank down on the ground next to her. "Ellana, I am - I'm sorry about how I've treated you. I know we have our differences, but...you are my sister. Can we - can we try again?"
Her head turned slowly to me, her eyes wide. She said nothing, only stared at me. As I watched, her eyes brimmed with tears which quickly flooded down her cheeks. "I would like that," she whispered. "I am sorry to, Meira. I hadn't seen you in nearly two decades and the first thing I said to you was something about vallaslin. How - how cruel. How disgustingly cruel of me, Meira. Can you forgive me?"
"I already have, Ellana," I whispered. With that, we began to remove the wedge. She told me of Ma and Da, of our siblings, of clan life. I listened as she told me about the goods they had traded with the humans in the area where they settled. Once more at ease, she even told me about a few of the males who caught her eye. There were tears in her eyes as she told me that the others that had come with her to the Conclave and died had been her closest friends.
I, in turn, told her of my life; I told her almost everything. I hadn't intended to, but once I began it was as if the floodgates in my heart had been opened. She laughed and wept with me. Held me close as I sobbed.
Bit by bit, our bond that had once been so strong started to resurface. The only thing I held back were my feelings for Cullen as I did not think she would approve. I told her of my recent epiphany, confessing the hypocrisy I had been practicing. How I seemed more scarred by Alrik than I had even realized. Then how Cullen pointing out my bloodlust had made me realize how far from the female I wanted to be I had veered. It was during this confession, she'd grabbed my hand and forced me to look at her.
"Meira, no one could expect you to come out of that without scars, without pain, without wrath," she murmured, "For him to even suggest otherwise is - is nonsensical. Yet, I see how it pains you and know it is not who you want to be. Perhaps we could find a way to help you better cope?"
"I don't think he was suggesting I can't have those feelings, but rather concern as to how I expressed them," I corrected, "As for coping, Solas says I possess the talents of a dreamer mage - perhaps I need to enter my own mind to see if there is more damage?"
Ellana gasped, "A dreamer, truly?"
"I asked him if there was a way to be sure, he said he would think on it. Could this be a way to test his theory?" I wondered aloud.
"I think it entirely plausible," Solas's smooth voice murmured from the doorway.
I jumped, turning to find him leaning against the doorframe, his eyes fixated on Ellana for a moment before flicking to me. He smirked at both of us and straightened. "Forgive me, I didn't mean to intrude," he apologized, "I think delving into your troubled memories and even trying to discover if there are more hidden away would help you to better cope, but I fear that the opposite could also occur."
"Opposite?" I quirked a brow.
"Your mind could be broken," he warned, "And this time in way that is not fixable."
"How? I've already lived through the dark times, remembered them again and have been processing them for weeks," I questioned.
"If you're concerned there are hidden memories, I would fear what they could do to you," Solas explained.
"Even so, I'd like to try," I stated.
"I understand," he dipped his chin, "Let me think on it and research how I could best protect you before we take on that endeavor."
"What did you need, Solas?" Ellana asked. I detected a note of flirtatiousness in her voice and watched as her gaze traveled over the elven male. He was handsome, lithe and tall for an elf. Ellana had told me about a few conversations they'd had and I could tell by the way she talked about Solas that she was attracted to him.
"I've come to offer a proposition to you both. Well not me, but I'm the messenger," his lips curled as his stormy eyes shone with mischief. "We could address both the mages and templars."
"How?" Ellana and I asked in unison.
He looked pointedly at Ellana, "Youcan be in two places at once."
At that moment it clicked for both of us and we smiled broadly at each other. "Show me the Mark," I asked her.
She removed the glove from her left hand and splayed out her fingers. At first, the scarred skin was just that. I could see the now healed wound looked almost more like a brand; the flesh raised and angry with no distinguishable pattern in the rounded lines.
Ellana made a noise in her throat and then the Mark sparked to life. The raised flesh glowing that sickly green and the light dancing like emerald colored flames. I summoned flames in my hand, willing them to reshape and change color until they resembled Ellana's Mark and the glow it emitted.
"We can wear gloves to cover the wound so no one ever sees it. The rifts close with or without one on," Ellana offered, "Also, I won't tattoo the vallaslin on your face as you do not believe in Mythal, but I could use paint?"
I hadn't thought about the vallaslin. "Are you sure that's alright, Ellana? I do not want to offend you."
"It will not offend me as you are taking my place when you wear them. You are representing me and thus what I believe. I would only take offense if you claimed to be me, but refused the vallaslin," she explained, "Also, we're doing this for the people of Thedas. The Breach must be closed, but we are foreseeing future threats if we don't recruit both the mages and templars. I think Mythal will understand. However, I must ask: will it bother you? I know you don't believe in the Creators, but beyond that you were...abandoned by us. Do you want to represent us with the vallaslin on your face?"
"It is as you said, I am representing you, not the clan and doing this for the sake of Thedas," I murmured, "Whatever else it may mean to me, closing the Breach must take precedence." At that, Ellana retrieved the small pot of paint she'd been using to paint the halla. Dipping the brush into the contents, she began to skillfully paint the vallaslin of Mythal on my face. Conveniently, it hid the brand on my forehead.
"I seem to have found the culprit," Solas murmured, "You could have just asked for the paint, Herald."
"I apologize, Solas," Ellana blushed, "I was seeking your advice, but you were absent. I found the paint and...borrowed it."
"Very well," a small smile pulled on his lips.
"What about our hair?" I asked as Ellana finished my face.
She studied my hair and felt her own. Mine was loose, soft curls; hers thick, twisted locks. "I'm not sure," she admitted.
"I think Ican help with that," the lilting voice of Leliana spoke as she and Josephine entered the cabin.
Solas slipped out the door after approving our progress so far.
"Surely, you didn't come just to help us with our hair problem," Ellana joked. In the time since her return, she had opened up to all in Haven. She seemed to grow in warmth and care for the people here as they revered, respected and protected her. Not just because she was their Herald, but because she genuinely seemed to want to help, despite having power and responsibilities thrusted upon her that she never wanted.
It had made me soften towards her even more as I watched her hardness to these people I held dear fade away. She laughed with them now and had become even more open than I was. I could tell they adored her.
"No, it was to let you know an invitation arrived for you," Josephine stated, handing Ellana a fancy looking parchment.
She opened it and quickly scanned its contents, "Who is First Enchanter Vivienne?"
"The woman who is leading the 'loyal' mages," Leliana answered, obvious skepticism in her voice.
"She wishes me to attend her salon - whatever that is - in Orlais," Ellana read. "It is being held in two weeks' time."
"A salon is a type of social gathering," I explained to Ellana before turning to Leliana and Josephine, "Who is holding salons at a time like this?" I asked, incredulously.
"Orlesians," Josephine and Leliana said in unison.
"What about the mages and templars?" Ellana questioned.
"They can wait for a little longer," Leliana waved her hand, "We are still working on securing noble support to address the templars. There's still things to be assessed and decided before we send you to either group, though they are making things difficult."
"How so?" I probed.
"We don't want to anger them by any agents being caught," Leliana explained, "but none can get close enough to see what's really going on. It's concerning."
"When do we leave?" Ellana asked.
"Tomorrow," Josephine announced, "Though, I cannot come with you."
"I will be coming with you," Leliana said, "I have some things to see to in Orlais any way."
"Looking forward to it," Ellana smiled.