Eventually the time came where Cullen took Bethany to the Gallows. Hawke was enraged, as her father had been an apostate - and Bethany had been as well - without any issues. Hawke's mother was devastated as another of her children was taken from her.
A few years passed, and it seemed camaraderie between Cullen and Hawke returned and grew. Hawke would often come to him for updates and just to talk about things going on in Kirkwall. Cullen always seemed cordial with her, which compared to everyone else was practically him seeing her as a close friend.
The qunari became a concern among the people of Kirkwall, which in turn became a concern for Hawke and the templars. They discussed this soon after Hawke had restored her mother's family name: Amell. I would have to ask Solana if there was any relation. I read over the conversation that followed.
"Hawke!" Ser Cullen greeted warmly as he raised a hand. There was an actual hint of a smile on the Knight-Captain's face as Hawke approached him. "The new scion of the Amell family - congratulations." The young templar's usually sullen face softened. "Anyway, what can I do for you?"
"Is there anything I can help the templars with?" Hawke offered, her tone flirtatious, but the templar seemed oblivious.
"Oh, you're kind to offer, but after what happened with Tahrone three years ago, the Knight-Commander has closed ranks," Ser Cullen replied. His face turned worrisome, "Our own men undergo weekly questioning and she's eliminated all work with outsiders. It's hard to keep recruitment up to maintain our numbers."
"I keep hearing about the Knight-Commander. When do I get to meet her?" Hawke probed, her voice impatient.
"I'm afraid she's become more reclusive since you came to Kirkwall, Hawke," Ser Cullen's brow knitted in concern. "These last three years, especially, she's been very suspicious of outside influences. I almost wonder if something happened..." he voiced aloud.
"Everyone seems concerned about the qunari," Hawke stated. "What's the templar stance?"
"They are heathens," Ser Cullen hissed. "They will stop at nothing less than the eradication of the Chantry. But we can't know the immediate goals of the qunari in Kirkwall. Should it come to open conflict, we are the largest army in the city. We will be the ones to lead its defense."
Time moved forward a little more as Hawke seemed to find herself in the middle of every issue within Kirkwall. Anders came to Hawke in need of help. He wanted to break into the Gallows to find evidence against...Alrik. Anders knew about Alrik's proposed 'Tranquil Solution' - a plan to turn all mages Tranquil. Anders wanted the evidence to take to Grand Cleric Elthina so that maybe she could do something about Alrik to put a stop to his use of the Rite. There was no indication that Anders knew the depths of Alrik's depravity.
They broke into the Gallows and found Alrik confronting a mage named Ella. Anders became enraged and let Justice take over before he slaughtered all the templars and nearly killed Ella. So that's what happened- Alrik left me to go after Ella, but faced Justice; both literally and figuratively. How close had they been to me?
The evidence of Alrik's plan to turn all mages Tranquil was found and Hawke went to Cullen to confront him about it. Then I had to stop and reread a passage a few times to make sure I was reading it correctly, my stomach threatening to fall to the floor.
"Your Ser Alrik was working on a plan to turn all mages Tranquil," Hawke quirked a manicured brow at the Knight-Captain, her tone accusatory. Ser Cullen's smallest of smiles he reserved for Hawke faltered at her words, his jaw clenching.
"I will not ask how you came by the personal affects of a man recently murdered within our own walls," he sighed in that weary way of his as he crossed his arms over his breastplate. "It's true there has been some discussion of the idea, but as you can see, it's gone no further than that. The Harrowing has served us well enough for centuries. It will be up to mages themselves wether they push us to more stringent methods." He said the last phrase with a hint of a threat in his voice.
"It sounds like you support this," Hawke pushed - her tone light, but words firm.
"The tranquil ritual was created as a mercy so mages need not be killed out of hand for a threat they might pose," Ser Cullen explained. "There is an argument to be made for applying it more widely, but many mages have made it clear that the ritual is no better than death. They want no controls on them at all." The Knight-Captain's mouth hardened in irritation.
As time went on, Hawke killed the Arishok - the qunari leader - after he'd murdered the Viscount and was named the Champion of Kirkwall for her efforts. The qunari threat was ended, but Kirkwall kept building in pressure as Meredith pushed the templars to put a tighter hold on the mages. This caused word to begin spreading that Meredith was unfit for the role of Knight-Commander.
As Kirkwall descended further and further into darkness, Hawke and Cullen spoke whenever he'd be in the courtyard of the Gallows and she had business there - now able to approach Meredith directly if needed. The two were friendly, despite being at odds about their views on mages.
Accusations were being hurled at the Guard-Captain Aveline, one of Hawke's dearest friends. Cullen brought attention to the matter by sending Hawke a letter. Marian and Aveline made their way to the Gallows to discuss the situation with him. Cullen believed in Aveline's innocence, but warned that the goal was to eliminate Aveline's position.
Someone was after limiting the roles of authority within Kirkwall by any means necessary. Cullen did not agree, but understood that if Aveline continued to have such accusations thrown at her, the simplest fix would be to eliminate her role. The situation was taken care of by Hawke and her companions, thwarting the scheme.
Things eventually came to a head in regards to Meredith's unfitness for Knight-Commander. A letter was sent to Hawke requesting aid. Hawke pursued the issue, having to fight her way through mages and templars to get to the truth of the matter. Keran, the boy she'd saved earlier, warned that someone close to her had been taken. He directed her to the Wounded Coast.
Upon arrival at the place Keran mentioned, a man named Raleigh Samson confronted Hawke about sticking her nose in all of Kirkwall's business. A former templar discharged by Meredith for passing notes between a mage and his sweetheart, he'd turned to begging in the streets and helping to smuggle mages out of Kirkwall for coin. Samson made it clear he wanted to be reinstated as a templar, despite his desire to depose Meredith from her position - though he admitted that she may have been right about mages before abandoning the apostates he'd been assisting because they'd turned to blood magic.
Hawke came upon the scene, finding Bethany unconscious in the middle of a ring of mages and templars. Ser Thrask, a kind templar she'd assisted years before was the head of the rebellious templars. A mage named Grace - who'd been the companion of a blood mage some time before - led the apostates.
Thrask was willing to be reasonable, to work with Hawke, but the mage Grace became unhinged - shouting for blood. Grace slaughtered Thrask at his protests and turned on Hawke. She and her companions ended the apostate threat, sparing the life of a mage who had defied the maleficar. The boy released Bethany from her spell in time for Samson to bring Cullen to the scene.
Cullen questioned Hawke's involvement, the boy mage vouching for her actions. Cullen was cold to the boy, ordering him to go before Meredith for questioning. Hawke intervened and convinced Cullen to vouch for the mage to be treated gently despite his doubts. Cullen agreed that despite the mages' actions, some might still be saved.
Hawke went to check on the situation a little while later. Cullen assured her that Meredith had gone easy on the mages and templars that had worked with Thrask. Her leniency being confinement and sedation for the mages and no pay for the templars. This prompted Hawke to question Cullen about the spreading rumors concerning Meredith.
"Everyone says the Knight-Commander's gone crazy," Hawke's tone teasing as she questioned her old templar friend. "Are you still behind her?"
The Knight-Captain's face soured, but he obliged the question, "The people ask too much of her. She needs a spine of iron to survive her position." Ser Cullen's brow furrowed as he continued, "I have seen madness before: I saw Uldred's eyes when there was nothing human left in them. The Knight-Commander...she is not there, yet." His tawny eyes turned steely, "But I do not have to ask where the rumors come from."
"If it comes to war with the mages," Hawke pushed, guessing at the young templar's line of thought, "who's side do you think the Grand Cleric will take?"
"She is bound by faith and duty to support the templars; we have dominance over mages by divine right," Ser Cullen stated, adamantly. "But it is cruel how she leads them on - letting them think they might have a chance at rebellion."
"We'll see what comes," Hawke smiled, gently. "I pray to the Maker we can avoid further bloodshed. Andraste knows I've seen enough. I just wanted to see how an old friend is doing in this difficult time?"
The weary Knight-Captain gave Hawke the smallest of smiles that did not reach his eyes. "After what happened in Ferelden, I told myself I would never again question the purpose of the Order. But it grows harder each day to tell wether I'm serving the templars or only the Knight-Commander." His shoulders slumped as doubt edged its way into his voice. "It may be that they are no longer one in the same." Worry crossed his features, "I fear Ser Alrik's plan may seem a mercy compared to what is to come." His face turned serious again as he met Hawke's eyes, "I hope the Order can count on your support, Champion."
It is man who has twisted the tenet and sown fear. The boy I knew had been so thoroughly broken that he'd given in - mind and soul - to the Order he had questioned at one time. Life had been open with possibilities when he first stepped into the Order. He'd believed in protecting and serving, but believed things could be better than they were.
Then he'd seen firsthand all he'd been taught to believe in his training at the hands of Uldred and his acolytes. No matter how he'd questioned or wanted to believe differently before - to see what he'd been told, been warned of, been instructed to believe come to fruition; to have all his friends die in front of him; to have been mentally assaulted, physically abused by the people he'd vowed to protect; the boy I knew had broken completely. Only to be patched up in the worst possible way at the hands of Meredith and Kirkwall.
Yet, beneath it all he had doubt. He didn't speak it outright, but his actions spoke for him. Cullen had reinstated Keran, despite what had to have been his worst fears coming to light in blood mages possessing recruits. He spared mages on nothing more than Hawke's word. Vouched for leniency for them and the templars to the Knight-Commander whenever Hawke asked him. Suspected that Hawke was behind Alrik's death, but never pursued the matter. Cullen knew Hawke had apostates working with her and yet never arrested them or Hawke. He even voiced his doubts about Meredith to Hawke on occasion, but he still hadn't completely turned against her.
"Cullen," I whispered, my heart twanging with pain. What I allowed my hatred and fear to convince me was right. Tears stung my eyes as I pondered the words Varric had written. How vilely had his trauma - his fear - twisted him? His very soul? He'd sacrificed his humanity for the sake of duty.
He was eager to serve the Order and had vowed not to question it because when he had before, horrific things happened. How much farther had Meredith pushed that corruption that he would even consider the thoughts of Alrik, who wanted to make every mage Tranquil? I had to remind myself that he did not know the full extent of Alrik's depravity until later. The thought that he was so afraid of mages and magic, so willing to be obedient to the Order he'd once questioned, that he'd be accepting of widespread tranquility..."Oh, Cullen. What did you let them do to you?"
Then the Chantry exploded; the breaking point finally came and the nightmare Cullen described broke loose. Hawke made her way to the Gallows. The scene Varric wrote was brutal.
Orsino, the First Enchanter, tried to curb the death by asking Meredith to jail the remaining mages instead of killing them all. Hawke tried to intervene, to make them compromise, but Meredith would hear none of it - wanting to sate the people of Kirkwall's perceived want for blood. Before her attack commenced, she did allow the mages time to prepare for her assault. As the assault began, a few mages begged Hawke for their lives, Meredith stormed in and said the Circle was beyond saving.
Ser Cullen turned to his superior, "Knight-Commander, surely the Right of Annulment requires something more-,"
"-It requires my word, Cullen. Do as I've commanded," Meredith barked at him.
The mages continued to beg for their lives. Hawke demanded to hear what the Knight-Captain had to say. "I - the Right has always been a last resort, when every mage involved was beyond salvation. The situation was far more dire in the Fereldan Circle, yet many mages were saved. We could still do as much here," he offered Meredith.
"Objection noted, Captain," Meredith retorted, venomously, her lip curling at the young templar's questioning of her leadership.
"Is there a way to tell if they're blood mages?" Hawke asked Meredith.
"There is not," she replied, her blue eyes icy.
"But they haven't resorted to it - even to save their own lives - perhaps if we watch them carefully?" Ser Cullen interjected.
"And if they hope to escape by playing innocent? Will you accept that responsibility, Cullen?" Meredith snarled as she rounded on him.
The Knight-Captain didn't hesitate in his response, his tired eyes clearing as if coming out of a haze as he met his superior's burning gaze. "Yes, I believe that's what being a templar is about."
"And I say we are here to protect the people," Meredith argued, "We must be judges, jailers and even executioners." She turned her back to her Knight-Captain.
"We're here to prevent a crisis, not raze everything in our path," Hawke's brow knit, her usually calm voice holding an edge.
"Listen to the Champion," Cullen instructed the other templars as he and the others left Meredith to take the mages that had surrendered someplace safe.
Meredith kept pushing, making her way further into the Gallows. Hawke set her people to protect the mages, to Orsino's relief. He raged at the templars' actions, urging the mages left to leave Kirkwall and spread word of what was happening. He called upon them to encourage their fellow mages to rise up against the Templar Order - for these injustices were the last straw.
Hawke gave a rallying speech, saying that it was time to take a stand, before the templars smashed through the doors. By Varric's description it was a bloodbath. Orsino's will broke in the aftermath - giving into blood magic - he became a grotesque monster without thought as he began killing everything in his path. Hawke had to end his life to defend her own. With nearly all the mages dead, Hawke tracked down Meredith.
"And here we are Champion, at long last," Meredith issued a near feral growl.
"You'll pay for what you've done here," Hawke challenged, her sapphire eyes full of rage and fire.
"I will be rewarded for what I've done here! In this world and the next!" Meredith roared, "I have done nothing, but perform my duty." Ser Cullen turned his head to his superior at those words. "What happens to you now is entirely your own doing. In defending the mages, you have chosen to share their fate."
"Knight-Commander," Ser Cullen interrupted. His eyes were hard as he looked his superior in the face, "I thought we intended to arrest the Champion."
"You will do as I command, Cullen," Meredith spat.
"No!" Cullen vehemently refused. "I defended you when Thrask started whispering you were mad, but this is too far."
"I will not allow insubordination!" Meredith shouted, drawing her sword on Ser Cullen. "We must stay true to our path!"
"Andraste's dimpled butt cheeks," I said in alarm as I realized Meredith's sword was embedded with the same red lyrium that had driven Bartrand insane.
"You recognize it, do you not?" Meredith asked, an oiliness entering her voice as she pet the sword, "Your lyrium, taken from the Deep Roads. The dwarf charged a great deal for his prize."
"The idol poisoned Bartrand's mind in the end," Hawke said sadly.
"He was weak!" Meredith spat, "Whereas I am not." Meredith turned to the templars as she screeched, "All of you, I want her dead!"
"Enough!" Knight-Captain Cullen shouted, "This is not what the Order stands for! Knight-Commander, step down! I relieve you of your command!"
Meredith snapped, her eyes going wild, "My own Knight-Captain falls prey to the influence of blood magic. You all have! You're all weak!" Meredith swung her sword sporadically at her men. "Allowing the mages to control your minds, to turn you against me!" She turned back to Hawke, her sword raised, "But I don't need any of you! I will protect this city myself!"
Cullen stepped between them, drawing his own sword, "You'll have to go through me."
"Traitor," she seethed at him before glaring at Hawke. "I'll have both your heads!"
"She's lost it, just like Bartrand," I murmured to Hawke.
Meredith attacked, the red lyrium giving her abilities beyond that of a normal human. I now understood Cullen and Varric's fear of the red lyrium. Cullen and Hawke fought together, alongside the other templars and Hawke's people. A few templars died at Meredith's hand, but the lyrium slowly worked its way into her body. When it finally consumed her, she cried to the Maker for help, before turning into a statue of red lyrium. Cullen and the others saluted Hawke.
I understood Solana's concern and even anger. I felt hurt and anger at the words he'd spoken, but knew what he had suffered. Though not an excuse for his actions, I could understand how he'd come to the place he had. I'd allowed myself to go there, so I could hardly stand in judgment.
All I could do was talk to him about it when I returned as it was vital to the battalion's success that he no longer held the extreme end of these views. He seemed to have grown and let go even in the span of his time at Kirkwall; more so since he'd left and joined the Inquisition. Not that I didn't understand his anger and distrust over what had happened with Uldred, but surely he could see that not every mage is willing to give into evil? If he still believed that, then what did he think of me? What were his true feelings towards me? If I became possessed, would he put me down without hesitation? Would he even be able to love me if that were constantly in the back of his mind?
The same went for the battalion. Would he trust the mages selected to defend the people we both cared about or would he fear we'd turn into blood mages? The fact that he'd been the one to request the battalion told me enough. However, the only way I would know for certain would be by asking him about his past; not judging him guilty without giving him a chance to defend himself.
As I was worrying over these thoughts, Ellana and Leliana returned. Exhausted, splattered with blood. Ellana had a bewildered look on her face. "What happened?" I asked.
"I think we just recruited someone who is a little crazy," Ellana blew out a breath.
Leliana laughed, "Crazy, but not stupid. Her place within the network of Red Jennies will be an asset. Plus, we could use a bit of color in the Inquisition."
"Color?" Ellana questioned, exasperatedly. "She's the whole friggin' rainbow."
I had no idea what they were talking about, but Ellana's expression made me laugh heartily. She explained what had happened, that an elf named Sera was the 'Jenny' from the letter, how she'd stolen the pants of the guards that came to attack them and how she talked absolute nonsense that Leliana somehow had understood.
Ellana and Leliana bathed in turn, Ellana going right to sleep after she'd slipped into bed. Leliana noticed Varric's book opened to the last few pages.
"You read it all already?" she asked, a brow quirked.
"Varric is a good writer, plus I wanted to know what Solana was talking about," I nodded.
"Don't believe everything Varric wrote," she warned. "It's entirely one-sided."
"I know that. I understand why Cullen felt the way he did after what happened at Kinloch Hold. However, if there's even a hint of truth to the extremism Varric paints him as having, I need to know. I need to know if he still holds those views. This battalion will never succeed if there is; an alliance with the mages will never succeed. He cannot blame us as a whole because of the actions of a few; he cannot distrust us all because we have the potential to be corrupted."
"True enough," she conceded, "but talk to him about it - get his side - before you attack him."
"I would never attack him," I murmured.
She looked me over, "You still love him, then?"
"Still? How did -"
"Solana told me about you two," she shrugged. "Plus, it's obvious to the trained eye."
"You're in love with a templar?" Ellana shot out of bed.
"I-I," I stammered.
"By the Creators, I should have known!" She smacked herself in the forehead, "It's so obvious now!"
"Ellana -," I started to explain.
"-No," she growled, "You can't be with one of them. What are you thinking?"
I threw my covers off and charged her. "Don't you dare tell me who I can and can't be with," my eyes blazing. "I love you my sister, but he-he means more to me than you could ever know."
"Why?" she implored. "What relationship could you've possibly had with your jailer?"
"He was kind, friendly, and he treated me - along with other mages - as an equal compared to the other templars in the tower," I began to explain. "He delivered books to me that he thought I would like, sought out my company and looked after me. He was in awe of my magic instead of afraid. I could talk to him freely, and I often did." I smiled wistfully before my face fell. "Then the Blight happened. Uldred and his followers did horrible things to all of us until the Hero saved the tower. Cullen was broken after that." I wouldn't reveal to them any details of what had happened to Cullen, but met Ellana's eyes to beg her to understand. "He left for Kirkwall. I followed a few years after, but...Alrik captured me to perform sadistic experiments for his own ends." I rolled up my sleeves to display some of my scars. Ellana's eyes widened in horror; I had not shown them to her when we'd talked about Alrik before. "Cullen rescued me as he was making his way through the Gallows to save any remaining mages from abominations after the Chantry had exploded. He and Bethany tried to nurse me back to health, but I was broken. They wanted to ease the trauma inflicted on me. Cullen sanctioned having a dreamer reshape my memories. I reacted poorly, drawing the attention of a demon and I had to be made Tranquil instead. He sent me back to Ferelden and I eventually wound up among the Inquisition. He has been instrumental in my having a place here. He has confessed that he's made mistakes and has admitted his regret to me. He walked away from the Order. He is trying to help all peoples through the Inquisition."
Ellana studied my face before sighing. "For your sake, I will try not to hold his prior grievances against him."
"That's all I can ask," I gave her a soft smile. "I'm sorry for snapping at you." My eyes flicked to Leliana, who's face was unreadable, but she gave me a slight nod.
Ellana waved her hand, accepting my apology and we returned to our beds.
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