Ellana stayed late into the night as we spoke about the males. As she spoke about Solas, I couldn't help but smile as a sparkle came into her eyes. I had not seen that kind of joy in her since she'd woken up from the explosion. Our reconciliation had brought her happiness, peace and comfort, but her affection for Solas was a source of unexpected excitement for her. She voiced her frustrations with him as he seemed to judge the Dalish as foolish for trying to cling to a dying culture, but refused to voice his thoughts on how they could do better. In her retelling of his exploits, I realized how he'd known about the potion he'd suggested I take and knew so much about dreamer mages: he himself was a dreamer. He travelled the Fade, befriended spirits and peered at the history of the world through their eyes. It was fascinating to listen to, even secondhand. I was unsure if Ellana had put the pieces together, but I decided I would ask the male about it at the first opportunity. I hope too that I could discuss his thoughts on the Fade with him as it seemed he shared many of the same views as I did.

"When did you first realize you were attracted to Solas?" I asked her. "I mean physically? You told me what first drew you to him."

An impish grin flashed across her face. "That's easy," she chuckled. "I caught him doing his morning exercises while we were on the road. He was...hypnotizing to observe. He's lithe and tallfor an elf male. Every movement was purposeful and graceful; the way he casts magic is just the same even though he uses storm magic. Lightning - so unpredictable, yet he wields it with such control." She sat silent for a moment. "He's paradoxical - restrained, yet passionate; intellectual, yet humorous; conducts himself with such propriety and yet there's an...untamed quality to him. Add in his handsome features, stormy eyes, and smooth as silk voice...I couldn't help, but swoon."

I laughed at her self-deprecating smirk, "He is certainly mysterious."

"What made you attracted to Cullen?" she asked, curious. "What would be your favorite feature of his?"

I giggled like a girl and blushed. "We were allowed outside once a week for exercise and fresh air. Often, our outdoor time slots intersected with the templars' training schedules. They had to rotate and schedule training throughout the day to ensure there was a good balance of those patrolling and those training. The first time we happened to be out at the same time, was a month and a half after he'd arrived. We had yet to speak to one another, but I'd caught him looking at me a few times. He'd always blush when I caught him, the tips of his ears scarlet. I'd been sitting with Solana and Jowan, they were arguing about some magical theory while I read a book.

"Cullen and a few of the other templars he was good friends with - Wilhelm, Beval, Farris and Annlise - were training. He was just...so full of life. He smiled easily, laughed in a way where you couldn't help but join and he was so warm - with everyone. They teased and riled each other up as they trained together. Cullen and the boys ended up wrestling like a group of brothers. I could hear it all, but I was enjoying my book. Until, I happened to look up and saw him. He was down to only his pants and boots as it was hot out that day for Ferelden and their training had been rigorous prior to them cooling down and goofing off. He had this huge grin on his face as Wilhelm and Beval tried to take him down. He was...very well built and their wrestling showed it off. Then his eyes caught mine and I...smiled like an imbecile. I couldn't help it, his smile was...infectious.Then it got impossibly bigger as his eyes stayed locked on mine. That is until Farris joined in and took out Cullen's legs. They all laughed heartily as Annlise sighed and rolled her eyes while muttering 'boys'."

"Solana nudged my shoulder and said, 'You better wipe that drool off your chin, Neria.' I blushed through my whole body at her teasing. 'While I can't like him on principle because he's a templar, the Maker sure did favor him with beauty', she had sighed while she looked at him appreciatively. I denied it and said I'd been looking at something else to which she quickly rolled her eyes. I returned to my book, but couldn't stop myself from sneaking a peek a Cullen every now and again. His smile turned smug and I knew he saw me looking at him. Eventually, I excused myself and hurried inside before I did something even more foolish. I haven't seen that carefree, boyish grin on him within the Inquisition...I hope, someday, he can find the boy he was again."

"He does seem far more serious and guarded now," Ellana nodded. "Yet, I will admit I can see some of the boy you paint in the man he is now."

"As can I," I smiled, sadly. "He's there...he's just buried underneath a lot of pain. Don't misunderstand me, though, I love the man he's become; I just pray that Andraste brings him happiness."

"When did you first know you loved Cullen?" Ellana asked. "I mean, when did you fall in love with him?"

"Solana will be mad she missed such conversation," I sighed with a smile. "I hope you get to know her and become a friend to her. We may argue because we don't agree on everything, but she is a fiercely loyal friend with a kind heart that is unrivaled."

"She does seem to care very much about you," Ellana murmured, her eyes growing sad. "As if she became what I should have been to you."

I took Ellana's hand and met her - our - jade eyes. "No one could ever replace you. No one ever did." She smiled sadly at that. I fought a smirk before saying, "Except maybe Cullen." She barked a laugh to which I smiled broadly.

"You're wicked, sister," Ellana groaned. "Now stop avoiding my question."

"I'm not avoiding it," I blushed. "I don't know if there was a single point where it happened, to be honest. I think everything just culminated over time and when he was gone...I realized the hole he left behind."

"I don't believe that," Ellana's eyes narrowed. "I don't doubt your feelings grew and shifted over time, but there had to be something or some moment that made you realize you wantedthis man; that made him so valuable to you that you pursued him to Kirkwall."

"You make me sound deviant. I'd wanted to follow him to Kirkwall to try and be a friend to him; to make him see that not all mages were like those who'd rebelled at Kinloch Hold." I took a moment to think and look back on our time in the tower. It came to me, the memory a little fuzzy, but I remembered.

"I remember," I murmured, a warmth filling my chest. "I was…missing home. Missing you and Ma and Da. Missing what might have been. I'd snuck out of my room - we all knew of a path the templars didn't seem to check or know about - the path led up to the observatory balcony. It's where we studied the weather for practical magic application along with the constellations, planets and phases of the moons. It was also where we went to be alone or secret affairs would take place. That morning it had been empty though, I guess it was early enough most were asleep."

"I was leaning on the balcony rail that overlooked Lake Calenhad, my gaze towards home. I could almost imagine seeing it; imagine you looking towards me. I heard the scrape of metal on stone and nearly jumped out of my skin. I fell against the rail. It was Cullen, he'd been on patrol."

"Neria?" he asked, his eyes wide in surprise.

I had one hand over my heart as it beat wildly in my chest, the other on the rail behind me to keep me steady. "Ser Cullen?"

"Wh-what are you doing up here?" he questioned, his eyes searching the rest of the balcony. "You-you should be in your room."

"I-I," I stammered, "I needed some air." I straightened and curled an errant spiral over my ear.

His wariness faded and concern took its place. "There...there are tears on your cheeks."

I turned my back to him and quickly wiped the tears from my eyes. Solana's voice ringing in my head: Never let them see you cry - it gives them power.Once my face was dry, I hugged my arms around myself. "I'm fine. You can escort me back to my room, if you must." Cullen was silent a moment and I turned to look at him over my shoulder.

"As long as I am here, I see no harm in letting you stay," Cullen shrugged. "Unless you were thinking about jumping." He wasn't joking when he said the last line. It had been years since someone had taken that route to escape, but I had no doubt that all the templars would've known about the dark history.

"I can't say I haven't thought about it before, if I'm going to be honest," I admitted, my raw emotions loosening my tongue. "What would that accomplish, though? Besides pain for those I love?"

Cullen looked at me a moment. "Have you…actually considered jumping?"

I turned to face him. "I have." I crossed my arms over my chest. "It was…some time ago, but I did think about it."

"Are the lives of the mages here...that miserable? Is yours?" he asked. His tone was not angry or mocking, but genuinely concerned.

I met his eyes. "Do you truly wish to know?"

He made a few steps towards me. "I do," his voice low.

"Why?"

"As I said before," he murmured, "I do not want you - want mages - to feel imprisoned or afraid. I want to know what can be done to make things better."

I huffed a breath, ignoring the fluttering in my chest at his nearness. His golden curls fluttered in the chilly wind blowing off the lake. The light from the torches made the gold in his eyes dance. His face was kind, his gaze gentle as he awaited my answer with genuine interest. Thoughts of him had been plaguing me since that night he'd helped me in the rectory. I could hardly focus on anything without thinking of his boyish smile or the warmth of his hand as I'd briefly held it that first time we'd talked in the library. I found myself watching him more and more, catching his honey eyes gazing at me more often than not. He'd show up unexpectedly, ask how I was doing or offer assistance to me and I'd stammer like a fool while my heart jumped into my throat. He looked after all the mages, but he sought my company out in particular. We'd talk about all manner of things and the more I got to know him, the more I wanted to know. The more I longed for his companionship. "I do not understand you."

His lips twitched. "Is that not the problem? Mages and templars not understanding each other?"

"No templar before has had an issue with it," I murmured. "They happily keep their distance. They wouldn't care one bit if I threw myself off the balcony. How are you different?"

"I want to protect people - all people," he crossed his arms over his chest. "To protect means you should care about what you are protecting. It is not very caring to be cold and ignore those in my charge. No one's life should be so miserable they believe the only escape is death. If my duties as a templar are part of the reason why any of the mages feel that way, I must see it changed."

"You won't let this go, will you?" I quirked a brow as I leaned against the balcony wall.

"No," his voice as resolute as his stance.

"Let me explain it this way," I began, "I was taken into the Circle as a child. I have not known anything or anywhere else outside of these stone walls and the outdoor space we're allowed to use no more than once a week since. I cannot leave, I cannot go outside. I cannot know anything beyond this tower except what I can learn in books, see in the stars and view from this balcony. I do not get to decide what I wear, I do not get to decide what course my life will take beyond the select few choices I can make and I am forbidden from love."

I turned my back to him as tears burned in my eyes again. I had longed for - and envied - the freedoms Ellana would be experiencing. Free to live, free to love, free to be whom she wanted. Her life wouldn't be without hardships, but at least she could choose her own path. He came and stood next to me, before bending to lean on the balcony rail. We both stared out at the lake below, the shades of dawn beginning to be brushed across the sky. I sighed deeply, "I do love the Circle. It is my home, as much as a place I have no control over can be my home. I am safe, so long as the templars stationed here do not use their power to abuse. The ones here currently are good men and women, but that has not always been the case. I have earned an excellent education during my time. I've made friends who have become my family. Those few templars I can talk to, I respect and even admire. I can make certain decisions for myself and could eventually create a life I enjoy, but I am still trapped here."

"You are not trapped," he murmured. "Mages are able to leave, but only senior mages and first enchanters. You just need to be patient and work towards one of those titles. Since both Irving and Greagoir care for you, I do not see that being difficult for you to accomplish."

"Why does it take a title to be able to leave?" I questioned.

"It shows you are trusted and can maintain control," he voiced. "Why, however, you are not allowed to be outside more than once a week, I do not know. To prevent escape, I suppose."

"The only escape is the lake," I scoffed. "It takes at least a day's swim from any direction. What mage would have the physical strength for that kind of feat?"

Cullen chuckled, "That is true. You all arerather weak."

I turned to him, a smirk pulling on my face. "And why do you think that is, Ser Templar?"

Cullen turned slightly pink. "I see your point." A thought crossed his features. "Well, what do you say, Neria?"

A look of bewilderment colored my face. "What do I say to what?"

He straightened and I mimicked his movement. He was in my space now, I could smell mint on his breath. "A bet - or deal, if you prefer. If you become First Enchanter, I will become Knight-Commander. Together, we'll do all we can to make this tower an example for others to follow." He removed his glove and held out his hand.

I eyed his hand with a brow raised. "Why me?"

A smirk pulled his full mouth. "Solana despises templars and Wynne is…as old as Irving. The rest are too political or set in their ways."

My lips twitched. "Scraping the bottom of the barrel with me then, Ser Cullen?"

He leaned forward a little and I had to lift my chin to meet his eyes. "Hardly." His voice was so husky, my breath caught to which his smirk deepened. He leaned back, "If I were to become Knight-Commander, you - you would be my choice for First Enchanter. You see what is wrong without wanting to throw out the whole system. You care deeply for all in the tower - mage and templar. Your devotion to the Maker rivals even us templars. You work hard, stay out of trouble, give kindness freely. You do not deny your hardships, but you do not wield them like a sword against us. In my mind, you are what every mage should be and I could think of no better example for other mages to follow."

My face burned at his appraisal of me. "I-I am hardly worthy of such praise."

"You are, Neria." He smiled at me.

I cleared my throat and leaned on the rail of the balcony once more. Cullen began to say something else, but as he did, the stone of the balcony groaned and cracked. As it gave way, I went with the crumbling wall. The world froze and rushed simultaneously as I went into a backwards free fall. It was abruptly cut short as I was wrenched forwards at the wrist. Stumbling, I slammed against something hard as I let out a gasp of pain as my chest bent. As I had stopped, I grabbed the falling debris with magic and it hurtled forward as I fell.

"Maker's breath," Cullen's panicked voice sounded as the stones fell around us. "Are you alright?"

I blinked a few times and my eyes met his breastplate, my arm aching from where he'd grabbed me. His hand still held my wrist while his other plated arm was crushing me against him. I coughed and he loosened his grip, but didn't release me. He looked me over and gingerly lifted my arm. I winced. "Are you injured?"

I met his eyes, so full of concern and worry. Everything I'd been thinking and feeling about him came crashing together, his prior words cementing them into place. I didn't care if we couldn't truly be together. I would do whatever it took to be at his side as long as I could - even if all he could ever give me was friendship. "Deal."

He blinked, his face utterly confused. "What?"

"Well, I was trying to get out of making a deal with you," I sighed. "But then you saved me, so now I suppose I owe you. It is a deal, Ser Cullen."

It took a moment for his face to calm as his thoughts put my words together. His concern passed into an amused chuckle, "I knew you would reconsider."

I laughed and then winced at my aching ribs. "Maybe not grab me quite so hard next time?"

"Are you planning on falling off another balcony soon?" he asked.

"Only if you're around to catch me."

He barked a laugh before scooping me into his arms. "Always," he whispered so softly, I doubted he wanted me to hear. He seemed to not realize that I could hear things humans could not. I hid my face behind my hair as I smiled, a blush creeping into my cheeks. "And, Neria?"

"Hmm?" I hummed, not trusting myself to speak.

"Please, call me Cullen," he said, softly.

I met his eyes then, "Thank you for saving me…Cullen."

He went a little pink, but nodded. "I apologize if I injured you. Allow me to see you safely to the infirmary." I nodded and he carried me. Lowering me to a cot in the infirmary, he saw that I was being looked after before going to inform Greagoir of the crumbled balcony railing.

As I finished telling Ellana all of this, her lips pulled into a gentle smile. "What?" I asked.

"You truly do love him, don't you?" she murmured.

I blushed. "I do."

"I am sorry that your lives took the turns they did," Ellana said with sincerity. "Neither of you deserved what came."

I looked away. "Just pray that if now is the time, we make the most of it."

"If it were me," Ellana chuckled, "I'd marry the man at the first opportunity. Ten years is long enough of a wait and you've gone through more than enough together."

I laughed heartily. "Oh, Maker. I hardly know what to say to that...or what to think. Yes, we've known each other a long time and been through a lot, but as friends. Doesn't there need to be more time spent...romantically before we'd marry?" I snorted. "I sound like a girl taken away with her fantasies. Besides, I am still a mage."

"You're no longer bound to the Circle or the Order, who's going to stop you? Ma and Da didn't even wait a year," Ellana offered. "They knew they were each other's from the beginning."

My smile faltered at the mention of them. "What was…What was life like in the clan?" I asked, unsure if I wanted to know the answer.

Ellana's eyes met mine, guilt in their light as her smile fell. "My responsibilities as First did limit my options, but…I was far more free than you." A sadness flickered over her face as she pulled off her glove and looked at the Mark. "However, this…thing is changing that. I…I can't run away - no matter how much I wanted to when I first woke up."

I placed a hand on her arm. "Tell me."

Tears shimmered in her eyes. "I miss the wild. The trees, the grass, the sounds of the clan, the halla, the Keeper. I miss our hunters, the debates around the fire, our community. Children laughing. I woke up to find some magical enigma killing me. I was labeled a murderer, hated, doubted and distrusted. All the while dealing with the death of my friends, the question of the clan's safety and the doubt I would live through this." She closed her eyes briefly. "Then I closed the rifts and they began to...worship me as some messenger of their deity they worship. Whom I do not believe in. No one ever asked me what I thought about it or how I was feeling. I don't even remember what happened in that temple. I was never given a moment's peace; yet, I was more than willing to help as I knew all of Thedas was in danger." Ellana met my gaze. "Then you…" she took my hands. "You were there. Branded, scarred…changed, yet still the same. I was so afraid, so grieved and so angry I lashed out at you because I felt you'd erased us - erased me- from your life. They told me you'd been using a different name and no one knew you'd been born Dalish. I…I thought you were ashamed of me. I lashed out and you lashed back." Her gaze lowered as shame colored her features. "Could I blame you? Why wouldn't you hate me after…after what we didto you?"

We were silent for a moment. I wrapped her in my arms. "I never hated you, da'len. I resented you, even envied you, but I never hated you."

She hugged me. "Sometimes…sometimes I think Solas is right about the Dalish. Perhaps that's why I get so upset, because deep down, I know he's right."

"I will not lie to you," I began, "there is much I think they need to change, but I understand what they're trying to do."

She was quiet for a time, but stayed in my arms. I felt her pull away as she spoke. "I should let you sleep. You've got to be exhausted."

"I am," I chuckled. "We can speak more tomorrow."

She stood and walked to the door. A hand on the knob, she turned back. The white-blonde wig spilling around her face like spun moonlight, the jade of her eyes shining in the torches, her face solemn. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," I murmured.

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