It's almost Fall.

September Nineteenth, Thirty-Two Forty

I mark that Wednesday on the calendar with an X, it's the seventeenth one.

The day's finally arrived

To think how fast all the previous ones went by.

There's never enough time, is there?

Despite how much I've planned, it doesn't feel like it, like this is the day, or rather the night.

But it is

Turning away from the calendar and to my nightstand, I come to grips with how much remains.

I wonder what they'll turn this room into

My lungs fill with cool, refreshing air and then swiftly expel it.

It's a good night, to be with friends, to be with family, to have fun, to do anything

Anything other than what I'm about to do.

Leave

Bringing the tablet up, I see that the last transfer of assets has been seen to. Right on schedule. Just as I wanted.

According to plan

I swipe on the screen and see images of where I'm going.

At least for now

"Hehehe..."

What would you two think about this? I'm not sure what he would,

He never really grew up there, and his father was always close with Max

But I know what she would.

I'm going to be helping those fighting your family

Shutting my eyes and softly shaking my head, I banish the thought.

It doesn't matter

I swipe a few more times and come to an image of who I'll have to get into contact with. That grey fox with his brilliant blue uniform and antiquated bicorne.

"A bit ridiculous, but then again, I love that sorta thing."

The Marshal certainly has a flair for the dramatic

I place the tablet into my hammerspace as I do a onceover of my soon-to-be former room. The nightstand stands out.

So many pictures

I walk up and go through them all.

I'll love you all, forever

That's why I have to do this, why I have to hurt you; because if I don't hurt you now,

I'll kill you all, eventually

I don't know what would spark it, what would cause it, how I'd find the strength, or the savagery, to do it, but then again, I didn't know any of that for the first family.

Hell, I didn't even know I could do that

But I did it nonetheless. The first time, I could chalk it up to ignorance, childish naïveté, and them being bad people. But now?

I know, and you're all amazing

This complex equation, this complex thing that is me, is largely the same now as it was back then. Really, only one thing has changed.

I understand it now

And so, it's up to me, all of it, to make sure I take the best option.

So I'm leaving, I'm hurting you all, without a goodbye even

Because I love you. And I know that loving can only lead to one thing:

Breaking you

I set down your picture. I'm happy I got be there one last time with you on that special day.

Your birthday

Your auburn hair and blue eyes beam with happiness back at me, through time and space, thanks to this picture.

And I'm leaving it, just like I'm leaving every picture

Looking at all these pictures has got me thinking about something incredible. Both incredibly sad, and incredibly fortunate.

None of you have pictures with me

Oh, of course, there are the group photos, the news clippings, so and so forth. But a personal picture? In a hug? Goofing around? Just living life? No.

Not one

I'm sad that none of us ever thought to do so. But I'm happy, too.

It's one less thing to remind you of me

And right now, there's far too many of those as it is. I don't want to do this. But I must, nonetheless.

I'm stupid

I knew this day would come. I knew it years ago. I knew it back on that beach, on that island, in the ocean, on that Wednesday morning, seven years ago. I look at my watch.

It's almost midnight

Good. I can't leave until then. I won't leave on the same day of the week I met you. I can't do that, that's too cruel, too painful, too terrible.

Even for me

And I'll be sure to interact with some system, somewhere, to make sure you know that I left after the clock struck twelve, so you know that I waited till this day is over. Even though you probably won't know, or remember, that I met you on a Wednesday.

You all deserve so much more, but it's all I can give you

I can't believe how I repeated the steps, bit by bit.

I lied to you all, without a second thought, just like I did to them, back then

None of you will see it coming. Oh, you may be able to eventually tie it back to that incident, our argument, but only because it was the last thing of note that occurred.

I'm not sorry I'm leaving you, I'm just sorry you won't see it coming, until it does

I can't believe how good I am at this. I'm better at it than anything else. Computing, mechanics, inventing, engineering, a million other things that everyone I've ever met has praised me at being amazing at, my skill at them pales in comparison to my innate proficiency at one thing.

Lying

I don't know anyone better at it than me. I seem to have perfected the balance of the two aspects of deception that everyone else seems to be unable to.

Maintaining it

People who aren't good at making lies up can stick to them for a long time. That's most people.

They tell a lot of little, terribly built lies, and they stick to them for a long time, sometimes after it becomes pointless

Creating it

People who are fantastic at making lies up can't stick to them for too long. That's a select few, and they're all terrible people.

They make one big lie, string it along, but eventually reach a point where they can't help themselves, they have to let everyone know, and they reveal it, all of their own volition, because they need everyone to know how good they are at it

But me?

I can do both, without breaking a sweat

I effortlessly build a lie, then build lies about that lie to make it seem like I'm hiding the truth when in fact I'm leading you into the deception. My deception. And after that? I keep it up, I build and build and build.

Everything I build leads back to destroying something else

Like a cycle, like the one I'm in right now. But I won't let it complete. I can't change what I am, but I can change where I am.

Time and space, the rulers of everything

I exit my room and walk the halls of the palace. There's a reason I waited till now. You're probably the one person who might still be up, who might hear me leaving, who would be able to catch up with me before I'm long gone.

But you won't, you can't, because you're not here; you're off in Hesperia, racing with Shadow again

You two really are something else, aren't ya?

So different in so many ways

But that just what makes what's the same all the more obvious, to me anyways.

Heroes, that's you guys are

I wonder what you'll all think when you realise it. That this disappearance isn't some mistake, some temporary absence, or part of some plot by Robotnik or the Legion or some other bad guy.

It's permanent, it's my own choice

But you will be right about one thing, at least at first, before you fully understand it.

It was all planned by a monster

I hope you just get over it, just move on.

Live the lives that you have, because if I was here, you wouldn't

I stop and realise what I've just said.

If you really understood me, you'd be disgusted with me, you'd have to be

Otherwise, you'd be crazy. What kind of person thinks like this? About killing their family?

The kind that's a monster

I'm not sure what to think about this fact. I know it's true, but not much more than that.

Whatever, how I feel about it doesn't matter

Facts exist regardless of how we feel or perceive them. I think about that old thought experiment that people love to throw around like they're touching upon some great idea. They aren't. It's a stupid question. But then again, people are stupid; they don't know much, not even about themselves, and they get attached to things, even if they hurt them, because people don't know what they want or what they need. I think about the question again.

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

Yes, yes it does. It always did, always does, and always will.

Reality is absolute, empirical

Why the hell am I thinking about this stupid philosophical stuff? Why the hell am I lying to myself? That why I'm doing this is because of some complex divide in our principles? It isn't. Not really.

It's simple; I will hurt you, and I don't want to

I stare at the door and realise what I've done.

Why did I come here?

I didn't even think of doing it, I just did. And I know shouldn't continue. This isn't right. But I'm going to do it anyways.

I don't care, I have to say something to you, if no one else

I open the door without making a noise and walk in. There's a flowerpot on your nightstand, and in it is the one flower I gave you, on your birthday, seventy-six days past. The heliotrope petals look lovely under the silver light of the moon.

Heliotropium arborescens

It's funny how we're all seeing ourselves in nature.

Sonic, you always saw yourself as a shooting star

Amy, you obviously associated yourself with your namesake. I think just because they're pretty, and so are you. But you're more than just that. A rose can make you bleed if you try to hurt it. Just like you can. You're beautiful, but strong and capable too.

I hate how good I am at lying, but there are times to be grateful for it

You, and no one else, realised how much I liked you. Good, because I know how we would've ended up. Not a single doubt over that.

You dead, and me left to live on

I only have one question regarding that terrible scenario.

Would I have gotten to see you die? Or would it be just like with her?

Coming right to your side as you rest peacefully, I think about you.

There's nothing out there like you

And now myself. What I see myself as. The truth is terrible; I can see myself in everything.

If I was a plant: Dionaea muscipula

If I was a fish: Melanocetus johnsonii

If was I an arachnid: Nephila

Cause I do the same thing every time. I meet people, then there comes a point where we're going to part ways, where we will be nothing but just passerby's in each others lives, and then I get terrified of that, and then I think the one thing I always think.

I must make myself useful

And so I do that, and it works, without fail, always. Whether it's evil, ravaging aviators or kind, caring heroes, you all fall right for it.

You see me just as some cute and little, but helpful, thing that you can take in, let live with you, let become one of you

But I can't, I know I can't. But I keep trying anyways, I hope I don't try again, but I don't know if I can stop myself. But I can make sure I don't let the cycle play out to its inevitable conclusion with you.

Be grateful for that much

I look down at you and see your tan, furry face with a neutral expression as well as your eyelids.

Hiding those blue eyes of yours

I wonder what I am to you. I don't really know.

I may not be special to you like Sonic is, but that's alright. He's amazing, and I'm happy you two are together. Nothing should ever come between that. Especially not me

And now I think about what you are to me. My aunt, I guess.

That word definitely doesn't do it, do you, justice. I'm not sure which word would,

But I'm sure it's out there.

But even if it's out there, that doesn't mean I'll figure it out

That sucks, but then again, so does this whole thing. Now I'm thinking about how you used to put me sleep.

Not anymore

Thank you, for every night. I'll hold them with me till my last. I don't know when that one will come, but I don't really care.

This is it,

The last thing I'm going to say to any of you, and you won't even remember it, you can't.

Because you're sleeping

Coming in here, I had no idea what I was going to do, what I was going to say, but now I do,

Somehow

Like a memory I never had, words I never heard, sensations I never experienced, it's all right there, even though it shouldn't.

There's so much I don't know, what the hell am I supposed to do if I don't know the answers?

I can't get stuck on that. It's terrible that I don't know, but right now, I need to do this. I want to say it's for you, but I won't. I'm not in the mood to be lying to myself right now. It can't be for you.

You're sleeping

No, this is for me.

Because I'm selfish.

I lean over and kiss your forehead. A million thoughts fill my stupid, evil, mind. Only one really comes into focus though.

I have to go now

And now, at the end, the only words I say are the only ones I can.

It's almost Fall

"I'm sorry, and I love you."