The opioid epidemic. That's Loki's next target, now that he's garnered the support of basically everyone on Earth for saving them from a Chituari invasion, that he helped make possible, with the purpose of stopping it, with the intent to gain the love of the masses.

"To solve this epidemic," Loki declares on national TV, "I will personally inject myself with every microgram of opioids on this planet, so no one else has to. My Asgardian slash Frost Giant body can handle it."

"Uh, chief," the cameraman says, "no one can handle every microgram of opioids on the planet."

"Well, I can," Loki replies.

Loki's intent isn't to get high; rather, he's trying to solve the problem with the purpose of keeping the love he already has, knowing it could be lost with one wrong move.

However, Loki is hospitalized with several tons left to go. Therefore, he dumps it all into the realm of Vanaheim.

Now that THAT problem was taken care of, Loki decides what to solve next.

"Now," he proclaims, "I will solve the obesity epidemic."

Loki issues an executive order for all fast-food chains to be shut down immediately. Millions go jobless and the economy crashes. Literally overnight, major cities are burning and looting is taking place everywhere. Several landmarks have been destroyed. An angry mob forms outside of the White House, where Loki is addressing his country.

"My fellow Americans," Loki says, "I realize this has been a rough ten-and-a-half hours. I will restore all fast-food chains. However, now everyone must complete a presidential fitness challenge, comparable to those of warriors on Asgard.

"Every human must be able to complete one thousand push-ups without a break. If any single one cannot, he or she is deemed obese. By the end of the year, in about five months, the goal is for every American to be able to accomplish the push-up target."

Naturally, this law is met with some aggression. While the restoration of the economy goes swimmingly enough and cities are rebuilt, the mob reforms the next night.

"Everyone!" Loki calls from the top of the White House. "I will call off the fitness challenge! But there has GOT to be a way to cure the obesity epidemic! What about jacking up prices on anything that has sugar or honey in it?"

"BOOOOOO!"

"What about making gym access and exercise equipment free?"

A murmur floats through the crowd. Somebody nods. Another shouts the crowd's agreement.

Come December 2013, the obesity epidemic had not changed one bit.

"Now that the obesity epidemic has been solved," declares the ignorant president Loki, "I will now fix the smoking epidemic."

Loki bans cigars, cigarettes, vapes, and anything else associated with nicotine. After millions go through withdrawal, a black market emerges for cigars, cigarettes, vapes, and nicotine. However, Loki is satisfied with his laws, smokers are satisfied with their black market (where prices are x10 more expensive), but non-smokers want the black market destroyed.

Loki sends the Secret Service to break up the black market. Millions go through withdrawal, but after a few months, everyone is okay. Loki did it. He cured the smoking epidemic.

Now it's August 2014. Loki declares Pharrell Williams's "Happy" to be the new National Anthem. After some backlash, he changes it back to "The Star-Spangled Banner", and everyone is fine with it. Well, everyone except Pharrell Williams. He gives Loki some social media backlash, but other than that, it's all okay.

Obama is critical of Loki's presidency in general, however. He posts on Twitter and says in an interview the following:

"Michelle and I believe that Loki should not be president of the United States."

Donald Trump provides some criticism, too, during an interview:

"What Loki is doing is unacceptable. Simply unacceptable. He has solved epidemics, but he hasn't done anything else. Nothing at the border, nothing with other countries. I'm going to give him a real run for his money come 2016."

Loki is concerned at the support that Trump and Obama are getting from their respective political parties on social media. Therefore, he uses the Tesseract to go to the HQs of Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook, using the Mind Stone on his scepter to force people to take down Trump's and Obama's posts. To solve the problem, Trump pays the sites millions of dollars, and they restore his feed. Meanwhile, Obama claims that his account being taken away doesn't help the American people, and democrats agree with him, even though his account being gone might not be a loss at this time. Therefore, his accounts are restored, too.

"Come 2016," Loki snarls, "I'll show them who's REALLY supposed to be in charge of this country: me."