A/N: Chapters are going to be a lot longer from here on out - lots to cover! Enjoy :)

"Fenedhis lasa!" Ellana bit out, her voice panicked.

I shot awake, furiously blinking the sleep from my eyes. I found her sitting upright, her back curled as she held her marked hand to her stomach. It was crackling and spitting, bathing her face in that sickly green light. The light contorted her features, making her look garish. Sweat dripped off her nose, her teeth bared as she stared the Mark down. "What can I do?" I asked, my hands reaching out.

She jerked her hand away, "Don't touch it! It'll hurt you!"

I hesitated and then I wrapped my arms around her. I let out a gasp as I felt her mana surge against mine - no not her mana, the Mark. It lashed out at me, draining my mana as it was draining hers. My own mana answered - cold and unyielding, it bit back. The two forces warred, I heard Ellana calling my name, but I could not answer. Then, as suddenly as it had began, it stopped. I pulled away from her and looked down at her hand. The green light was frozen, along with most of Ellana's arm.

"I'm sorry!" I murmured and began to will the ice to melt.

"It's alright," she panted. "It stopped the pain, it's…just a little cold."

"I thought you liked ice as well?" I asked as I thawed her arm.

She chuckled. "So long as it's not me who's frozen."

I gave her an apologetic smile. "Does this happen often?"

"After initially sealing the Breach, no," she began, "It had stopped hurting or growing. The only time I would have pain would be while dealing with the rifts. Then it started happening every now and then. It'd be short, sharp pain. It started to get worse recently. That was the worst one as of yet."

"Do you know why?" Summoning heat into my fingertips, I massaged the warmth into her skin.

"My only guess is that it's because the Breach still remains," she shrugged. "We sealed it, but we didn't close it - didn't remove it." She thought a moment. "I would guess it's a warning sign that we cannot delay any longer than absolutely necessary when we return."

"We are due to dock this morning, I believe," I informed her as I continued to massage her arm. "Then it'll be a few days ride from Jader to Haven. I believe Cullen and Leliana should have everything in place to go after the templars and mages upon our return."

"Our family should be there a day or two after we get back," she murmured, not meeting my eyes. "I don't want to leave without seeing them."

"I understand," I replied. "Should we switch roles now?"

"No," she shook her head. "I want you to be the Herald until we depart Haven again to go after aid."

I nodded. "How's your arm?"

"Better, thank you," she smiled. "And thank you for helping me."

"I nearly froze your arm off," I scoffed. "I'm not sure I would consider that helping."

Ellana laughed. "Either way, it made it stop hurting."

"Are you sure I didn't just freeze your nerves so you just can't feel it anymore?" I flashed a wicked grin.

"I guess we'll see," she grinned back.

There was a soft knock on the door. I placed a hand on Ellana's shoulder before standing to open the door. It was Solana. Her eyes were apologetic, a tray of coffee, pastries, cookies and chocolates between her hands. Breakfast floated on plates behind her. Fluffy eggs, pan fried bacon, seasonal fruit and fresh bread. I opened the door for her to come in. She set the tray down and had the plates settle next to the tray on the small table. She picked up one of the chocolates and took a bite out of it. "I hope Vivienne doesn't mind that Sera and I raided her things and found these. We were both starvedfor something sweet and you know how helpful Vivienne likes to be. I'm sure she won't mind."

We both laughed in astonishment before I asked. "When did you meet Sera?"

"I was going to raid Vivienne's numerous chests as payback, but found Sera had beat me to it," she grinned. "I joined her. Sera may have left a little surprise for Madame de Fer to find later."

We all laughed after I said, 'Sweet Maker', before diving into the food.

"So you promised me stories of your Circle days, Solana," Ellana requested between bites of her breakfast. "Tell me something embarrassing."

Solana chuckled, "Her most embarrassing stories revolve around Cullen, but the best one is when she set herself on fire."

I groaned, "Really, Sol? That one?"

"Oh yes, you brought it upon yourself," she smiled wickedly. "She and I were practicing fire magic together. Fire is my element, but Meira was wanting to learn more about using it."

"And I thought my friend would be more than willing to teach me," I growled.

Solana looked affronted, "Of course I was more than willing, but like any good teacher, I had to let you learn a few lessons."

"How silly of me," I scoffed.

Solana looked to Ellana, "You see, fire is the element of emotion - passion, love, anger; ice is the element of thought. Not that emotion doesn't influence ice, but...its different."

"Ice is emotion that affects the mind; fire is emotion that affects the heart," Ellana nodded. "Of course, the mage who uses ice isn't emotionless, but they tend to keep their emotions hidden. Whereas those who use fire tend to feel their emotions too strongly to keep them hidden. Lightning is the element of chaos, and those who tend to be able to control it have an extraordinary amount of willpower and control, but are unpredictable as people. Spirit magic - healing magic - is the element of the soul; it stems from a person's desire to help, to heal, to correct and to protect. In a sense, spirit magic is all the other elements converging. A person's heart for the wounded or those they wish to protect, knowledge to heal and will to correct the chaos that has been rendered upon the body. A mage can and usually does wield all four, but typically only one element is 'theirs'. From those four elements - or schools - stems every other form of magic. From the foundation, it depends on the mage's ability to will their mana how they wish. At least, that's how the Keeper explained it."

"That is a very summarized version," Solana chuckled. "But yes, that is mostly correct. A mage's element tends to tell more about them as a person than they may realize. Elements can also change, reflecting a change within the mage themselves."

"Or sometimes your mana cannot seem to decide and you end up spontaneously combusting in the middle of lessons," I groaned. "Causing the templars to grab a bucket whenever you walked by because they feared you were going to suddenly be on fire."

Solana laughed, "It was hilarious."

"What happened?" Ellana asked.

"My dear friend could use ice and fire with almost equal skill, but not equal control," Solana began, "We met in the library after lessons, so I could give her some guidance."

"Let's just say Solana doesn't possess much patience," I teased. "You'll have to forgive her for the next part."

"I may have grown impatient with her questions as to how I wielded fire so well," she murmured. "So...I started calling her 'knife-ear'. You see, she'd been vilified constantly by some of the others for being an elf. We didn't have many at Kinloch, but just enough to draw the attention of the malicious."

"Why would you call her that?" Ellana asked.

"She refused to stand up for herself to them," Solana glared at me. "She would just sit and take it. Let them shove her around, pull on her hair, her ears, slap her or spit on her. I would burn with rage, but she wouldn't react nor would she let me. I didn't believe it was because she didn't want to, but because she was too kind to hurt others. I promised myself that I would push her until she snapped."

"Oh that's a lovely way of putting it, Solana," I grumbled. "I did not 'snap'."

Solana smiled wickedly, "Oh, yes you did."

"What did she do?" Ellana asked.

"I kept calling her names and I could see it - could sense it. That rage boiling just under the surface," she explained. "She was fighting herself, worried she'd hurt me. Then I realized the problem - your sister was afraid of fire. That's why she chose ice. The thing most mages don't realize is that ice can burn just as badly as fire. It is equally destructive, equally painful and equally powerful; its just easier to control."

"Why were you afraid of fire?" Ellana asked me, her jade eyes studying me.

I looked away, "I had been using fire when I was caught by the people that threw stones."

"She'd connected fire to pain," Solana observed, flicking her braid over her shoulder. "I understood; I had feared the element at first until I realized I could control who it hurt...and who it didn't. Cullen came waltzing into the library. I started hounding her about her feelings for him. He saw us and began walking towards us, puppy eyes on her."

"Needless to say, I started panicking," I sighed. "I was already enraged that my friend was calling me derogatory terms - I didn't realize she was riling me up on purpose. Then she started teasing me about my crush on a certain templar...loudly."

"In her panic and rage she reached her breaking point and exploded," Solana smiled, wickedly.

"That sounds far more...flattering than what happened," I rolled my eyes. "I caught myself on fire."

Solana started laughing hysterically. "Your sister ran at me and started throwing fireballs. I let her throw a few at me before snuffing the fire out. She would've burnt herself and everything around her if I let her burn too long."

"So there I was, panting, glaring at Solana until I realized how quiet it had gotten," I sighed and put a hand over my face. "The commotion had drawn everyone in the tower."

"Why was this embarrassing?" Ellana asked, her face confused. Sweet Maker.

"She was standing in front of everyone naked as the day she was born," Solana cackled. "Including her beau. I stopped her from hurting herself, but I never said I stopped her from embarrassing herself." Solana was cradling her stomach, tears streaming down her cheeks. "He was so red in the face, his mouth just hanging open until he realized Greagoir was standing next to him. I'm surprised his spine didn't snap with the force of his salute. I strode forward, slung an arm around her shoulders - she was in the middle of trying her best to cover herself up - and I beamed at Greagoir and Cullen," Solana flashed a grin. "I said, 'Well, Ser Cullen, I think its safe to say that you can stop grabbing buckets now. She won't want to be naked in front of you ever again'."

"The look Greagoir gave Cullen...I thought Cullen was going to die right then and there," I buried my face in my hands. "At that, Solana caused her fire to wrap around me to cover up my nakedness."

"What about the people who had been calling you 'knife-ear'?" Ellana asked.

"Yes, what about them Solana?" I quirked a brow.

"They thought the 'knife-ear' was completely insane after that outburst," Solana laughed some more. "The half-crazed yelling at me - her friend - throwing fireballs in full view of the templars and the Knight-Commander, and then getting so consumed by the rage she burned her clothes off..." Solana was lost in a laughing fit again. "You should have seen their faces!"

"Needless to say, no one bothered me again. Nor did I have any issues with spontaneously combusting after that; any time I felt the fire building, I'd picture myself stark naked in front of everyone and it would instantly cool." I chuckled. "And we were stuck on floor cleaning duty for a month after Solana explained everything to Greagoir and Irving."

"That sounds like a beautiful friendship," Ellana smiled softly before turning to Solana. "Thank you for looking after her."

"Of course," Solana nodded. "Your sister is a beautiful person and a wonderful friend."

I blushed deeply, "I do not deserve such praise."

Solana looked at me hard, "Yes, you do. You were there for me when so many others weren't; you were nearly killed for helping Jowan in the name of friendship; despite my feelings for him, you went after Cullen to try and help him because you were his friend." I looked away from her. "Now, you're taking your sister's place, knowing full well it may get you killed, because you love her. If that is not beauty and loyalty, what is?"

"Solana," I murmured.

"I abandoned you," she began, "I abandoned you to go after my family. If I had stayed, I...I would've gone with you to Kirkwall. Maybe if I had...maybe -"

I snapped my head up. "Maybe nothing, Sol. You would have ended up in the same position as I did. You had to go. Nothing and no one could've prevented what happened."

"Not even your Maker?" Ellana asked quietly. I looked to her. There was rage simmering in her eyes.

"You blame the Maker for what happened to me?" I asked calmly.

"Do you not?" she retorted.

I shook my head. "No."

"Why?" she pleaded.

"Forgive me sister, as I am not trying to preach to you, but I will speak some of the Chant to explain," I warned. "'All men are the Work of our Maker's Hands, from the lowest slaves to the highest kings. Those who bring harm without provocation to the least of His children are hated and accursed by the Maker. Those who bear false witness and work to deceive others, know this: there is but one Truth. All things are known to our Maker and He shall judge their lies. All things in this world are finite. What one man gains, another has lost. Those who steal from their brothers and sisters do harm to their livelihood and to their peace of mind. Our Maker sees this with a heavy heart'."

"He knows what I suffered, but he did not cause it to happen. We have the freedom to make our choices. Alrik chose to harm me, to deceive others and to steal from me. He will have to answer to the Maker for his actions. The Maker witnessed my suffering and grieved for me - 'Within my creation, none are alone'. 'Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you'. I found my peace and hope in him, in my faith, while I was trapped there. Without it, I would have given into despair and died. I chose to have faith and believe he had a purpose for my suffering. I still believe that; hope that. You wish for me to turn my back on the thing that helped me survive? My faith helped me survive, my love for Cullen helped me endure - without either, my suffering was needless and pointless. I would become..." I couldn't finish. A monster. I would become a monster.

Ellana studied me for a moment, "I admire your faith, sister, even if I do not understand it."

"I could say the same to you," I smiled.

Her lips twitched in response, "What does the Inquisition think of having a Elven heathen as their 'Herald of Andraste'?"

Solana and I chuckled. Solana spoke first, "I'm guessing they don't talk about it much."

Ellana barked a laugh, "I guess not."

"I would guess those who do talk about it have several reasons why they think she would have chosen you," I shrugged.

"What do you think?" her eyes bore into mine.

I hesitated a moment, "To be honest, I am not sure what to think. Do I believe without a doubt that Andraste herself sent you? No. Do I believe its possible? Yes. Do I think that your disbelief in Andraste and the Maker disproves that you are her Herald? No. The Maker can choose whomever he wishes for a purpose. Andraste did not believe in him prior to him speaking to her. Wether you were sent by Andraste herself or not, really doesn't matter to me," I admitted. "The Maker's providence happens as he wills it, not as we do - and you were what we needed, when we needed it. Without you, without your Mark, we all would have perished."

A smirk lifted Ellana's lips, "Cassandra said the same thing. It didn't make Roderick very happy."

"I don't think anything could make that man happy," I chuckled.

"Except maybe my death," Ellana mused.

"And the Inquisition failing," I added. "Hopefully Cullen and Cassandra kept Haven together while we were gone."

"Speaking of your beau," Ellana began. "I finished Tale of the Champion."

Solana rolled her eyes, "And what do you think of her lover? Was he not the most charming of fellows?"

"He's not my lover," I growled.

"He has come a long way from the man painted by Varric," Ellana said slowly. Solana and I were both shocked by her statement, but before we could speak, she held up a hand. "That being said, he still has growing to do."

Solana seemed more sated by that answer. I quirked a brow and asked, "What changes would you like to see?"

"He needs to understand that mages are capable of self-control. It is not our first instinct - unless we are malicious - to give into blood magic or possession." She took a breath. "I understand his concern due to the Breach - tears in the Veil do lend themselves to strengthening demonic forces. Yet, mass possession has not occurred as he no doubt fears - of course, we do not have the mages in masse among our ranks. Will his fears abate upon the Breach's closure? Or will he find a different excuse for keeping the mages under the watch of the templars? He does realize that the Inquisition is not the Circle?"

"Cullen is nothing, if not cautious," I began. "We will have to see upon the Breach's closure. However, I fully intend to discuss things at length with him upon our return. We are to map out the logistics of the Mage Battalion - I will speak to him about it at that time." I stood and stretched. "If you'll both excuse me for a little while, I need to attend my lesson with Vivienne." Solana audibly groaned and Ellana waved me off.

Vivienne was oddly quiet as she directed me through the exercises, but I didn't press her about it. I stayed above deck for a bit after Vivienne went below, watching the land of Ferelden come into view. I felt a presence beside me soon after Vivienne had left and turned. It was Leliana.

"Yes, Sister Nightingale?" I questioned.

"I...apologize for how I handled the would-be assassin," she admitted. She neither looked my way nor moved from her spot. She stood resolute, hands clasped behind her back, her pretty face as hard as stone. "I should have at the very least told you. It is your life after all, and you would have been better prepared to defend yourself if you knew you needed to; you would have been better able to protect her as well. It was a...miscalculation on my part. It will not happen again."

"Leliana," I began as the woman started walking away. "Your responsibilities are difficult. You wanted your decision about me to be validated."

She hesitated a moment before turning to face me, "I...fear I went too far in my dealings with you."

I shook my head and kept my voice low enough that only she would hear. "Do I wish you would have asked me first? Yes. However, I know what you did had to be done. I know the truth - as does the Maker. That is ultimately what matters." She inclined her head. "From this moment on, I ask that you would consult with me before making decisions that involve my life."

She met my eyes, "As you say, Herald. We will be docking within the next two hours."

We finally made land in Jader. Cullen had sent a contingent of soldiers to meet us and escort us back to Haven. Cassandra led the group herself. It was odd trying to walk on solid land again; it felt as if I were still upon the sea. Cassandra and Leliana talked for a while while the soldiers saw to our belongings, strapping them down to one of the carts that had been made at the farmland. Vivienne was the last to leave the ship, looking elegant and followed by a few servants that I had not known were with her. I felt Ellana bristle beside me as all of the servants were elves. I tried to reassure her that they were not slaves, but paid for their work. She would hear none of it. She and Solana went on and mounted their horses. I waited for Vivienne to descend the ramp.

She greeted me with a kiss on each cheek. "My dear."

"Lady Vivienne."

"As much as I abhor riding horseback, I am eager to see Haven," she stated. "Shall we get to it?"

"I am eager to return as well," I nodded.

...

We were all mounted and off within an hour. I sensed that everyone knew time was of the essence now that we had returned. I was greeted with several "Herald"s and "My lady"s by the soldiers, none noticing anything off about me.
Cassandra set a brutal pace with her horse, the rest of us doing our best to keep up. She had stated that she wanted to cover as much ground as possible during the day in hopes of getting us to Haven sooner. The hard pace made conversation difficult, if not dangerous, with the mud and muck flying from the horses' hooves. Yet, I found the rush of the wind, the crisp air and ascent into the snowcapped mountains exhilarating. I was not opposed to traveling by sea, but I found I much preferred the adrenaline of riding a horse.

It was nightfall by the time we reached a town to stay overnight in. The soldiers joined the Inquisition garrison stationed in the town within their barracks, while we rented a few rooms at the local inn. Solana and Talitha were to share. Leliana and Sera were to share. Vivienne rented her own room while Cassandra declared she and I would share a room. I was a bit nervous as the last time the Seeker and I had spoken was the evening she brought me to Ellana's cabin to heal her after the initial attempt on the Breach. Things had been strained between us, neither approaching the other.

I entered the room after seeing to necessities to find Cassandra pacing. She'd stripped down to a tunic and her leather leggings, her dark brows knitted in worry. She didn't seem to hear me enter so I asked, "Is something wrong?"

She startled, letting out a gasp. I was shocked. "I - no, everything is...fine." Her dark eyes met mine. "It occurs to me that I don't actually know much about you."

"Are you asking me or the Herald?" I quirked a brow. All of the advisors were abreast of who was who this time as things needed to move quickly until after aid had been secured. Leliana assured us in secret, however, that we were welcome to switch when not meeting about official business. She was curious to see how well we could play our roles.

"You."

"What do you want to know?" I asked.

"I'm...not sure," she admitted, her voice nervous. "Where are you from?"

"I thought you knew that," I chuckled.

"I suppose I could ask Leliana," Cassandra smiled slightly. "She has collected a frightening amount of information on you. But I don't want to ask her. I want to hear it from you."

"The Dalish Lavellan clan until I was excommunicated, then all over until I reached a village in Ferelden where I was taken to Kinloch Hold by templars. I spent most of my life there, six years in Kirkwall and then another two in Kinloch Hold until the rebellion began. Minaeve and I found our way to Haven after that."

"Tell me, where do you consider home to be? Are you eager to return?"

A deep question for our first time speaking candidly. "Wherever I am is home enough for me." She didn't need to know that I had no idea what the word 'home' meant. Kinloch Hold had been my home to some degree, but not in the way people meant when they spoke of home.

Cassandra's shoulders dropped a fraction, "That's how I feel now, after years of tending to business for the Divine." Right Hand of the Divine. She'd also been the one to approach Cullen about joining the Inquisition. They seemed good friends from the few times I had observed them interacting - she like an older sister in a lot of ways. I wondered if she would be able to give me some insight as to the man Cullen was between Kirkwall and Haven. I decided I wouldn't mind getting to know the woman that had offered him what in his mind was a second chance. I opened my mouth to say something along those lines, but she spoke again, "I apologize. I suppose I should just say it outright: I would like to know more about you. I want to make things between us less antagonistic."

"I would like that as well, Cassandra," I nodded.

Relief flooded her face and her shoulders dropped even more. She motioned for me to sit with her on the bed. She told me about her life in Nevarra, about Nevarra itself. She recounted how she joined the Seekers of Truth to get away from her life there. We spoke of the Seekers and Templar Order in depth, both of us agreeing that the organizations could be salvaged, but needed to be rebuilt from the ground up.
We discussed the Chantry and how it also needed changes - though Cassandra's ideas of change were more reserved than Leliana's. Cassandra even told me how she became the Right Hand of the Divine - she'd fought dragons in the midst of preventing an assassination attempt on the Divine. Then she recounted her time searching for the Champion, interrogating Varric and it led us to discussing Cullen.

"Why did you pick him to lead the Inquisition's forces?" I asked.

Cassandra considered for a moment. "Aside from his being a templar, both a Knight-Captain and Knight-Commander - placing him amongst the most well-trained persons in military tactics in all of Thedas; his years of experience, some of which took place during the most horrific magical occurrences in recent history - in which he showed resilience, tenacity and integrity. He also believes in the Maker and the Chantry, but wishes to see things changed." She met my eyes. "I understand that you more than likely know...more about him than I do. I also realize that those characteristics I've assigned him, have not always fit him. He is stubborn, quick to surmise and he can be ruthless. He may not be whom everyone would have chosen, but we were looking for people of integrity, people deserving of another chance, people who believed in the Inquisition's cause. He met all three of those criteria. When I met him the first time, one look into his eyes and I could see - he wanted a way out of the Order."

"What...what was he like? In the time between?" I asked, my voice hesitant.

A sad smile pulled her mouth. "Like a man who'd lost faith and yearned to find it again." She sighed heavily. "As Warden Blackwall put it 'he's seen the best and worst of humanity and he still struggles with where that leaves him'. He is...struggling, Herald. I am...proud to see him rise to the challenge as he has. From when he left Kirkwall to now...I have seen him change a great deal. He is -" she sighed heavily.

"What is it?" I quirked a brow.

"I am not good with words and I hope that I am saying this adequately," she growled. "He is having to face who he was and what he did - he's having to let go of much. I do what I can to support him, but..." she met my eyes and color bloomed in her cheeks.

"Cassandra?" I asked, worriedly. "Are you alright?"

"Sweet Andraste, yes," she breathed. "I believe he would much prefer support from...you."

"I do all I can to support him," I chuckled.

"All you can?" She quirked a brow.

I cocked my head, "What do you mean?"

"Well, how do you...what do you think of Cullen?" She couldn't quite meet my eyes.

"Surely Leliana has told you that?" I smiled.

Cassandra laughed then, soft and feminine - so contrasting to the fierce warrior I knew her to be. "She has, but again, I want to hear it from you."

"I love him," I admitted, softly. "I have loved him for nearly twelve years."

"Forgive me if this is too bold, but perhaps that is the support he needs from you," Cassandra offered.

I blushed deeply, "I would be glad to give it...if that is what he would want from me." I met her dark eyes. "I could not tell you with any certainty if he feels more for me than friendship. He did once, he never said, but...I knew. Now...I couldn't be sure. Maybe that's more my fault than his."

Cassandra searched my face, emotions and thoughts playing out in her eyes too fast for me to read. "What would assure you that he does?"

My face heated even more. I twisted my hands in my lap. "I - I'm not sure I can admit it."

"You want him to touch you?" she asked.

I met her gaze again. How did she know? "H-How did you -?"

She smiled broadly. "I may be a warrior, but I am also a woman. Despite what some may think, I too dream of romance."

I studied her face. "Why are you...being so honest with me?"

"You have been through much and seem in need of support," she shrugged. "You need not feel alone."

"I - thank you," I murmured.

She nodded. "If he were to show you the affection you seek, what then?"

I took a moment to think. "I would probably confess my heart to him."

"You would?" she gasped. "You wouldn't wait for him to tell you first?"

I shook my head. "He wouldn't." I smiled, sadly. "He doesn't believe he's deserving of love or trust - from anyone."

She looked away, her face falling as she gave a small nod of agreement. "And if he doesn't show you affection?"

I sighed. "Then I will continue to be his stalwart friend."

"And if he never returns your feelings?" her voice was quiet and sad. She did not hope that for either of us.

"I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would remain by his side as long as he would have me - wether I was just his friend or more," I admitted. "I renewed that promise not long ago. He deserves no less."

Hesitantly, Cassandra placed a hand on my shoulder. "I pray that he does not subject you to such a fate."

"It wouldn't be so bad," I chuckled. "I bought him a chessboard - we'd a least have something to do."

Cassandra laughed heartily, "Hold on to that sense of humor."

We talked a bit more about Cullen and the Inquisition until we determined to turn in for the night. The next few days were spent traveling hard and stopping only to sleep. As we drew nearer to Haven, nerves pooled in my gut as I thought about Cullen. I was ready to see him, yet I knew I had to confront him about what I had read in Tale of the Champion. I was afraid of what his answers would be, yet I could not let fear win as this conversation needed to happen as soon as we returned. Oh Maker, hear my cry.

...

Horns blared as we were spotted a ways off from the village, announcing our arrival. Cassandra led us through the outer gates, down the now well-worn path that went past the cabin Minaeve worked out of - I glimpsed the newly built stables through the wooden gate that sat behind the cabin. As my eyes turned to the village, I hardly recognized it.
All those people. There was nearly three times the amount of recruits standing by their tents at attention as we approached. I spotted Elizabeth and Henry Trevelyan among the recruits, offering a salute. I noticed a new, large tent sat at the far end of their camp. Cullen? I did not see him anywhere, though. I noticed Bull and his Chargers, Asaala among them, standing outside their tents next to the village gates. Warden Blackwall stood near Harrit and his crew as they paused their work to watch our approach.
My eyes were drawn to the Breach - somehow it seemed larger; I knew it hadn't grown, but the realization that our next step was the last before we tried to close it brought a feeling of intimidation as I stared the thing down. Then in my peripheral - gold. I flicked my eyes and I saw him. He stood, hands on his sword pommel, smirk pulling his lips and my gut twisted hard. I blinked. Has he lost weight? His face looked a little gaunt, his eyes slightly sunken; he looked exhausted despite his smirk. Yet, he shone as he stood above the crowd now surrounding us and even from here, I could sense his warmth. Maker, I missed him.
 I shook my head, I had to focus. Talitha was presented as a new recruit as Solana was presented as a new healer to everyone wanting to see their "Herald". We dismounted, our horses taken by young stablehands to be seen to by Dennet. Cassandra had to dismiss the crowd after they momentarily overwhelmed us.
Once the crowd made way, she led us to the Chantry. Leliana wanted to debrief the advisors of the events that had occurred in Orlais and introduce the new recruits. Vivienne, Sera, Solana and Talitha were allowed within the War Room so that they could be introduced.
Leliana began with Vivienne. Vivienne further explained who she was and why she wanted to join the Inquisition before being dismissed. The same with Sera, before she too was dismissed. Vivienne had left hard jaws in her wake; Sera left furrowed brows and utter confusion. Leliana then introduced Solana, who shot daggers at Cullen. Solana briefly explained why she wanted to join the Inquisition before Leliana explained Solana's primary role for the Herald.

Solana shot Cullen another glare before she opened her mouth, "However, I have reservations about joining, when the Inquisition's Commander is a templar zealot - former or no," she bit at me. Maker, Solana, please. Her eyes returned to Cullen. "You should be imprisoned for the actions you allowed and even carried out for your superior in Kirkwall!" Cullen said nothing, casting his eyes to the ground. This only seemed to make Solana more angry. "You disgust me!" she spat, "The atrocities you committed, the hateful things you spewed from your mouth! You should be ashamed!" Solana. She looked around at all of us, "You should all be ashamed for allowing this man to walk freely, let alone lead your growing army!"

Cullen looked up, pain in his eyes, "I - I -" Oh, Cullen. I told her I wouldn't stop her, but Cullen...I'm sorry.

"-Don't!" she roared, "Don't speak. You don't get to speak! I had friends die in Kinloch Hold because you templars were too cowardly to act! I had friends turned Tranquil because you raided the Mage Underground in Kirkwall! I had friends die in the Gallows because you did nothing to stop Meredith from committing mass murder! You are a coward and a murderer! You shouldn't be here!" Cullen continued to look at her, his eyes sad, his lips pressed tight.

"Do you actually want to be here, Solana?" Leliana asked quietly.

"Yes!" she hissed as she rounded on Leliana. "I want to help people! I just -," her voice broke as her eyes found mine again. She looked away, shame coloring her face for just a moment. "I had to get that off my chest." She took a shaky breath before turning and leaving.

Leliana shut the door behind her. "We may speak freely now, but keep it quiet. There's word going around that our conversations can be heard in the main hall."

Cullen's eyes kept boring into the door where Solana had left. I cleared my throat and then repeated what I had said to Leliana about Vivienne. Cassandra and Josephine agreed with our thoughts about how to handle the First Enchanter. Cullen said nothing, still looking at the door. We all kept glancing at him as we spoke, but said nothing.

"What about, Solana?" I asked. "I worry it isn't wise to have her here; not with -"

" - Let her stay," Cullen finally spoke, his voice adamant. "Let her join."

"Are you sure?" Leliana asked, her voice surprisingly soft.

"Yes," Cullen said vehemently, meeting Leliana's eyes before flicking to mine. "She's right." We all looked to him. He dropped his gaze, "Are we finished?"

"We still need to discuss the Mage Battalion," Cassandra interjected.

"I've scheduled a private meeting with the Herald," Cullen informed her. "She and I will discuss Talitha and the battalion. I would prefer it if we were not interrupted."

The other ladies nodded their heads, concern on their faces before leaving. Cullen followed them to the door, closing it behind them. He sighed heavily before turning to me, his hands going to his pommel once more. He didn't meet my eyes before saying, "I assume Solana said much the same to you on your journey here?"

"Yes," I said quietly. "And I read Tale of the Champion." He closed his eyes, shame coloring his face, but he made no effort to defend himself. "Is what Varric wrote true?" I asked.

He hesitated, scowling. "Yes."

"How could - how could you say those things? Believe those things?" I asked, my voice thick.

Cullen finally met my eyes, pain in his own. "As I told you, I was - I was broken after Kinloch Hold. I saw demons everywhere. Blood mages everywhere. I saw only threats instead of people," he murmured. "I left for Kirkwall and Meredith nurtured my hatred - my fear - through her own. I was…poisoned further by her madness. Over time, my...wounds healed. I think Hawke helped me, because she challenged my prejudices. I started to see Meredith for what she was; what I was becoming. I took action too late, but I did stand against her in the end. It doesn't justify what I said, what I did, but I - I am trying," his voice broke on the last word. He took a moment to collect himself, anger crossing his face, "I tried to pull Kirkwall back together after; I tried to keep the mages safe, tried to weed out the corruption. Yet, everywhere I turned I saw only corruption. The corruption I myself had listened to - had fed - and I couldn't remember what it meant to be a templar any more. So when Cassandra came with her offer, I left and did not look back."

He met my eyes once more. "That does not mean that I believe templars should not exist - their foundational purpose is a good one. Just as the Circle's foundational purpose is a good one. Both have been corrupted, abused. Both need systemic change. Templars are leashed to the Chantry, just as much as mages are leashed to the Circle. Both need freedoms. Yet, the threat still remains that mages can be possessed or wield magic against others; templars alone have the abilities to defend against magic, but can just as easily be corrupted by their lyrium leash holders."

He looked away, his jaw clenching. "Do not ask me to set aside my concerns about mages nor my respect for templars. I understand change needs to happen, for both sides. That I'm here is proof of that. I understand what happened in Kirkwall was wrong - was abhorrent." He met my eyes again. "I understand that I have much to answer for, but allow me to do so here. Allow me to help change things here. Allow me to be the man I want to be here."

Tears burned in my eyes at his words. He was still hurting. Still healing. He hated himself too; hated what he had become. I knew all of that, but seeing his anger, his sadness as yet again those chains of the past pulled at him; linked him to the man he no longer wanted to be, but could not bury. Yet, I still had to ask the questions burning in my mind. "Do you still think that mages can't be trusted?" I asked. "That we're all a threat?"

He studied my face. "I've seen the suffering magic can inflict. I've treated mages with distrust because of it - at times without cause. That was unworthy of me. I shall try not to do so here. Not that I want mages to move about our base completely unchecked. We need safeguards in place to protect people, including mages, from possession at the least." He was being honest, he would be no less.

"Will you be able to trust me?" I asked. "To trust the mages I choose to have under me in this battalion?"

"Yes." No hesitation. His golden eyes burned with conviction. "Any precautions I advise are meant to aide and protect, nothing more; I hope you will see them as such."

"Will we train this battalion as equal partners?" I quirked a brow.

"Yes," he nodded. "You and I will be equal in rank and power. Ultimately, I am the Commander of the Inquisition's forces. The battalion will function within the army and follow my direction when it does. Outside of the main army, however, the battalion will have its own autonomy that falls under your judgment. The battalion will have duties and missions to see to separate from the main force - if my predictions are correct."

I swallowed hard, the hardest question for me came next. "Do you - do you still think the Rite of Tranquility should be applied more widely, as Alrik wanted?"

It looked as if I'd gut punched him. His face paled and his mouth fell open. Horror filled his eyes. He crossed the gap between us, hands outstretched, but I stepped back. He dropped his hands to his sides. "Meira," he breathed my name so quietly only I could hear, "Forgive me."

"Do you?" I sobbed loudly.

He stepped closer to me then, ignoring as I stepped back again. My back was against the wall as he took my face in his hands and made me look into his eyes. My heart stuttered in my chest. "When I put that brand to your head, I-I had never hated myself more," his eyes flicked to where the brand would be, now covered by Solana's make-up. His eyes found mine again. "When I found you in that cell, I finally saw how blind I had become." He placed his forehead on mine. "What happened to you should never have happened. I should have realized, yet I was so consumed with hatred I ignored what was happening around me - seeing only mages as the evildoers." He leaned back. "The Rite should never be forced, should be a last resort, should never be a punishment. If it should happen at all. To see you devoid of emotion...it was-" he couldn't find the words.

I pushed him away, not trusting myself to finish asking the questions I needed to with him touching me. "So what? We should all just be 'mercifully killed' then?"

"Maker, no!" He tore a hand through his hair, "But-"

"But what, Cullen?" I demanded. I was angry. Angry at what had happened to him, to me, to us. Mages and templars. Chained together, but doomed to hate each other - or doomed to a cursed love.

"I don't know!" he roared, frustratedly. He paced in front of me. "The system sets you up for failure! It binds us to carry out questionable orders! It is broken! I have already admitted that, but I do not know how to fix it!" He leaned towards me, pointing his fingers towards his chest.

"But you want to?" I demanded.

"Yes! Maker's breath, yes!" He came close to me again, his eyes burning.

"Then let's figure out how to fix it." I offered a hand. "Together."

He looked me in the eyes before he grasped my hand and shook. I had to ignore the flutter of my heart at his touch. "Together."

"It begins with the battalion," I said, softly.

...

We talked for hours about what it would look like. What training would consist of and how we would go about it. I made it a requirement that I selected who would be part of the battalion, but Cullen could make suggestions. The battalion would be trained separately at first by both Cullen and I before we would join the main army in training. The mages would need to spar with the recruits to practice their weapon skills once they'd learned how to summon them.

"How large is the battalion to be?" I asked.

"I suppose it depends," he offered. "On how many mages join, on how many are battle-able and how large the Inquisition itself becomes."

We were seated now, at a small table away from the map of Thedas spread out in the middle of the room. We were close together, leaning over several pieces of parchment where we'd written notes of our discussion. I glanced up at him. He was supporting his head in one hand while the other scratched notes with his quill. He had definitely lost weight, his stubble was nearing a beard and I could see how tired he was getting.

"How long have we been in here?" I asked as I leaned back to stretch.

He looked around, his eyes catching on a candle. "Quite a few hours, I'm afraid. Far longer than I should have been away." He stretched his legs out. "I should return to my duties." He hesitated before standing.

I stood as well, but I placed a hand on his arm, "Cullen -"

He tensed and I removed my hand. With a quick turn, he faced me. "I - should I speak with Solana?" he asked.

"I don't think she's ready yet, Cullen," I murmured. "She's...blinded in her own way. Not that her anger is unfounded or unjustified, but she's letting it blind her to your...contrition."

"And so the cycle continues," he sighed as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Mages and templars."

"You're not going to fall for Solana now, are you?" I asked, sarcastically.

"Wh-what?" he stammered, looking confused even as a blush bloomed in his cheeks.

"Me, Hawke, Solana." I sighed, listing the females in his life off on my fingers. "Who will it be next? Ellana? Elizabeth? Bethany? You've certainly got quite the selection to choose from, Commander."

He went scarlet as a hand went to his neck once more. "Maker's breath."

I laughed heartily at the look on his face - it was adorable. "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist!"

His eyes found mine as his face shifted, looking commanding and virile. "Meira," he growled, sending heat down my spine. He leaned in close, placing a hand on either side of me as he gripped the table. His arms were brushing my hips as he pressed close to me. "If you want to be assured of my feelings for you, you need only to ask."

His eyes were intense, his face close to mine and I couldn't stop myself from looking at his lips. They twisted into a smirk. I met his eyes again and felt like I was melting under the heat of them. I blushed deeply this time, my heart fluttering. "Does that mean -"

"-Forgive the intrusion, Commander," a recruit barged into the room, his nose in his clipboard, causing us to jerk apart. "Captain Rylen has several urgent reports for you to read. He said they couldn't be delayed any longer."

Cullen cleared his throat, "Herald."

"Commander," I dipped my chin.

As we exited the War Room, Minaeve was passing by with Bethany.

"Minaeve," Cullen called out. "Could I speak with you a moment?"

I watched as Minaeve stopped dead in her tracks, her back going rigid as her eyes turned to Cullen. They were full of anger, her mouth and jaw set hard. "I'm afraid I am rather busy at the moment, Commander. If you have a need to discuss findings, you may speak with one of the Tranquil. They will be able to provide you a detailed explanation that should be to your satisfaction."

"Well, yes, but -" Cullen began again, his brow furrowing. "I wish to speak with you."

Minaeve's eyes turned icy. "I think you've had enough females visiting your tent as of late."

Cullen's mouth fell open, but he quickly closed it again. "I-I'm sorry?"

"You heard me, Commander," she seethed.

Bethany and I exchanged a glance. Bethany looked absolutely bewildered and I'm sure I had the same expression on my face. Minaeve continued to stare Cullen down, her countenance bordering on terrifying. I had never seen Minaeve behave so.

"I-I will ask one of the Tranquil later on," Cullen stammered, his own face utterly confused. "My apologies." Cullen turned to me and offered a slight nod. "Herald, if you would excuse me. Perhaps we could continue our discussion later?" I was about to respond when he walked away.

I watched until he exited the Chantry and turned to where Minaeve and Bethany still stood. Minaeve was still glaring in Cullen's direction until her eyes met mine. The hardness in her face fell away. "I apologize, Herald." At that, she turned to Josephine's office.

I followed them inside, finding Asaala within, but Josephine was gone. Asaala leaned against the wall, her arms crossed as she watched Minaeve.

"Um, Minaeve? What exactly was that about?" Bethany asked the elf.

"What was what about?" Asaala asked, a brow quirked.

"We just got to witness little Minaeve give our Commander a verbal lashing," I offered. "We're a little confused as to why?"

"Herald," Minaeve began, "If you'll forgive me, I - that was inappropriate behavior. I should have handled that privately."

"Minaeve," I whispered. "It's me."

A look of confusion shifted to realization to panic. Shock crossed her face before color bloomed in her cheeks. "Oh - oh, sweet Andraste!" she swore.

"Minaeve, what in the Maker's name is going on?" Bethany asked.

"I-I," she stammered. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. "I saw the Commander and Elizabeth Trevelyan...it looked like they had...slept together. He was putting his armor back on, she was fixing her clothes. Then she placed her hand on his arm and he held her chin. Before she exited the tent, she said, 'Thanks for the wonderful evening, Cullen'."

Maker. Andraste. Please, no.

Asaala barked a laugh, "Of course she did." She laughed some more. "That woman is the most relentless flirt I think I have ever seen."

"Indeed," Bethany scoffed, rolling her eyes. "Between her and Captain Rylen…I want to gouge my eyes out whenever they're together. It's as if they compete to see who can be the most seductive."

"So what are you saying?" I asked, trying to keep the anger and panic out of my voice. "You think she seduced Cullen?" Asaala and Bethany laughed again. That earned a confused look from Minaeve and irritation from me. "What?"

"Not at all," Bethany assured. "Cullen's too...well, I'm not sure how to phrase it, but no. I have no doubt that this is just some misunderstanding."

"Exactly," Asaala nodded. "Little one," Asaala looked to Minaeve, her voice gentle. "Did they kiss? Hold each other? Have you seen them together since?"

"Well...no," Minaeve admitted. "Why?"

"Cullen would be someone to show continued affection," Asaala spoke. "Maybe not openly since he's a private person, but he's too...sentimental to have no more to do with a woman than a one night stand. He'd want more. He'd give more."

"Why do you say that?" I asked the qunari.

"Why don't you ask him?" Asaala retorted, quirking a brow. "Besides, do you think Cullen to be that kind of man? He gets ridiculously flustered at the mere mention of anything sexual. You think he'd have the guts to invite her to his bed? You think he'd accept an invitation from her?"

"No, I don't," I admitted - more to myself than to them.

"Then go talk to him about it," Bethany encouraged. "If you're worried, he's the only one that will be able to tell you the truth - and you would believe."

I looked at all three of them. "You're right." Then heat rose in my face. "How-how do I even begin such a conversation though? What-what if he asks me why it matters?"

They all exchanged a glance. Bethany stepped forward, motioning for us all to come closer together. "First, you need to be Talitha, not the Herald," she whispered. "Have Solana help you and make you look gorgeous. I don't care how she does it, but she'll know what you mean. Wait until later in the evening, when there should be no more official business. Then, just ask him or ask him what you mean to him. Don't leave until you're satisfied."

"Just ask him? Just like that?" I said, looking between them.

"If you mean to him what I believe you do, he will answer. He may be embarrassed, he'll definitely trip over his words, but he will be honest with you," Bethany assured. "Besides, you two are friends first. You have been for a long time and have been through a lot together. Surely, he owes you an explanation? Just as you owe him the chance to explain himself?"

I nodded. Minaeve grabbed my hand, "I'm sorry if I made you worry. I should've talked to you about it first - to these two before that."

I hugged her, "It's alright. Bethany is right. I owe him the chance to explain."

"I hope it's the answer you want to hear and that I was foolishly wrong," she mumbled.

I chuckled and put my hands on her shoulders, "You were just trying to protect me and be a true friend. I thank you for that, Minaeve."

"You're welcome," she blushed. "I fear I may have done more harm than good, though."

"I needed to know," I shook my head. "Leave the rest to me."

I left them in the Chantry and went to track down Solana. I knew she'd be defensive, knew that I probably had other, more important things to see to than Cullen, but I didn't care anymore. I was tired of this game. I needed to know where he and I were going, if we would ever be more than friends. If he had slept with Elizabeth. The thought nearly sent me to my knees.
I wanted him to be happy, wether it was with me or someone else; he deserved to be happy and I would not deny him. Yet, the thought of him finding happiness in someone else...it was gut wrenching. I found Solana unpacking her things within the cabin that Bethany, Minaeve, Asaala and I all shared.

"Solana," I knocked on the door frame. "May I speak with you?"

"Why?" She snapped as she rounded on me. There were streaks on her cheeks from crying. "So you can yell at me for snapping at your precious templar?"

"I'm not going to snap at you," I sighed. "I was in agreement with you. Maybe not as harshly, but what you said needed to be said. He agreed himself - he was the one that vouched for you to join; demanded that you join."

She couldn't hide the surprise that colored her face. "That doesn't excuse -"

"What in your eyes will, Solana?" I groaned. "He acknowledged the truth in your words. He begged the Herald to allow him to atone amongst the Inquisition, as its Commander. He expressed his regret and shame at the things he said and did. He is trying. Is that not enough? Will nothing, but his blood spilled upon the ground appease you? Does that not make you what you hate so much about him?"

She glared at me, "You may be persuaded to forgive him, but I will not be. Not easily."

"I'm not asking you to forgive," I shook my head. "I'm just asking that you be willing to see that he is trying."

"How about I just stay out of his way and he stays out of mine?" she crossed her arms over her chest.

"That's something, at least," I murmured. "I suppose you feel the same about me?"

She hesitated, her face softening. "No, but I can still be mad at you for your miserable taste in men."

I laughed. "Good, because I need your help. And we need to find Ellana."

She uncrossed her arms. "What's wrong?"

I smiled wickedly, "Oh nothing, I just need you to help me break my precious templar. I need you to make me Talitha and make me look 'gorgeous' as Bethany put it."

Solana flashed an evil smile. "I'll make that templar quake in his boots just looking at you."

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