TW: bulimia

"Spill" Hanna said looking at Hanna expectedly.

"What are you talking about? Spill what?" Emily said in faux confusion.

"Don't give me the swim around, what's going on," Hanna said pointedly.

"Hanna I-" Emily started then stopped as she realized what Hanna just said.

"Um Hanna, the saying is the run around?" Emily said confused.

"What?" Hanna said now confused as well.

"You said don't give me the swim around when it's supposed to be the run-around," Emily informed her.

"Ugh, we'll you swim so I- forget it!" Hanna shook her head bringing herself back onto the main point of the conversation.

Emily just chuckled at her friend.

"You're not getting out of this! What's going on?" Hanna asked.

Emily just sighed "I don't know I just think something's wrong with me. I think... I'm losing interest in Ben."

"Why? I thought you said you saw a future with him?" Hanna said slightly surprised.

Emily just shrugged" I honestly think I was trying so hard to like him."

"But wait why we're you acting so weird around Mya then?" Hanna questioned out loud.

Emily looked down and didn't answer which gave Hanna all she needed to hear.

"Emily do you like Mya?"

"I-I don't know! I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't know if it's just this one-time thing but she kissed me before she even knew I had a boyfriend but I really wanted her too and I don't know what to do." Emily put her chin in her hand.

"How long have you felt like this Em?"

"Well since I first met Alison but I always hid it but I was attracted to guys now it's like I don't like them at all," Emily exclaimed embarrassed.

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"No, actually you're the first person...I don't know how the others would react so I figured you'd be the least judgemental. But please don't tell anyone."

"I won't say anything! But just know I support you and I'm here you okay? You're not alone." Hanna stood up and sat by Emily and embraced her.

Emily hugged back relieved about her finally telling someone.

When they pulled away Hanna faced her friend "so what are you going to do about Ben? And do you think you'll date Mya" Hanna asked?

"I want to see if it changes between us, I don't know maybe I'll like him again. I'm not sure, I just don't want to make decisions I'll regret you know.."

Hanna nodded sympathetically at her friend. She wanted to help but there wasn't much she could do it was completely up to Emily. The only thing Hanna could do is respect her wishes and support her.

"Who's that?" Emily said curiously gesturing to a guy that took someone's phone, changing the subject.

Hanna looked where Emily was looking and saw the annoying new kid "ugh that's Caleb, Aka sketchy. He's a huge pain in the ass that illegally fixes people's phones if you let them." Hanna rolled her eyes.

"New kid?" Emily asked

"Yup. Unfortunately, I have him in my class. I don't even know about today's schedule..."Hanna trained off in thought.

Hanna saw Caleb talking to Noel khan. Noel gave Caleb his phone and money. Caleb put the money in his pocket nodding and saying something Hanna couldn't understand.

"He's not bad." Emily shrugged.

Before Hanna could retort they heard voices "oh my goodness, Hanna!? Actually on time for school?" Aria teased with Spencer walking next to her.

"I'm always on time!" Hanna defended.

"Being on time to leave for the next class does not count Han," Spencer said pulling out her phone.

Hanna scoffed playfully.

"So Alison texted me. She said she was going to be at the party." Spencer said reading the text out loud.

Hanna felt Emily tense next to her. "Mm sounds fun I wonder if she's bringing her boyfriend," Aria said leaning on the tables.

"We'll see...so same thing as usual? My house?" Hanna inquired. Hanna and the girls always met up at Spencer or Hanna's house to get ready. This has been a tradition for 5 years.

"Yeah, sure I don't feel like dealing with Melissa anyway," Spencer replied referring to Melissa's current boyfriend Ian.

"Is your mom going to be there?" Aria asked putting a fresh coat of lipgloss on.

"I don't think so, she has a conference," Hanna said shrugging the thoughts that her mom works a lot to keep her mind off the divorce and to provide for herself and Hanna.

The bell rang signaling them to start heading to their classes.

After many boring hours of classes, that Hanna didn't give a damn about, it was finally lunch. She walked to Sean's locker and saw him conversing with Ben and Caleb.

"Noel and Ben told me you did good on his phone, and I want you to jailbreak mine." Ben requested.

Caleb raised an eyebrow "okay and how much are you paying."

Sean rolled his eyes and handed him a 15 bill. Caleb looked at it in disapproval "yeah me jailbreaking your phone...especially an iPhone is gonna cost like 60-80 bucks."

Sean and Ben looked at him with disbelief "what the hell man there's no way I'm paying that for a jailbreak!" Ben exclaimed.

"You're not gonna find a person here in rosewood to do it and you're certainly not gonna find anyone to jailbreak an iPhone for 15" Caleb scoffed walking off.

Sean sighed frustratedly " wait!" He said catching up with Caleb.

Caleb turned around with disinterest on his face.

"Look I pay you 50 upfront and when you finished Ben give you 75, deal?" Sean bargained.

Caleb briefly thought for a moment. " deal. But if you don't pay me the rest of my 25 I'm keeping your phone." He said to Ben taking Ben's phone and money before walking away.

Hanna stood by Sean's locker witnessing the whole scene in front of her. Sean walked back to his locker and saw his girlfriend.

"Hi, Han." Sean smiled reaching in for a kiss. Hanna mentally celebrated as her mind thought this is the progress she wanted.

Sean kissed her cheek and pulled away much to Hanna's disappointment.

"Are you still going to the party with me today?" Sean asked her.

"Yeah why wouldn't I?" Hanna smiled masking her previous feelings.

"Do you want to meet me there?" Sean said more than a statement than a question.

"But you always pick me up?"

"I promise Noel I'd ride with him. " Sean shrugged apologetically.

Hanna nodded " okay well I'm gonna sit with my friends." Hanna started kissing his cheek.

"Okay, you know where I'll be." Sean, he said smiling her way than walking away to his friend Ben, then heading to the cafeteria.

Hanna walked to her table with her friends. But she noticed someone with brown hair that wasn't Spencer.

She sat down and nearly rolled her eyes when she saw Caleb sitting there next to Toby.

"So Caleb are you going to the party?" Aria asked eating her salad.

"I'm not sure yet. Parties aren't my thing." Caleb shrugged eating his fries.

"If you do decide let me know cause I'm going to be there," Toby said.

Soon everyone broke into their own conversations about the homework for next period, the party happening today, or whatever they thought of.

Caleb left soon after that and the others were too engrossed in their conversations to notice But Hanna did.

She ignored it though and continued talking to aria and Toby.

Hanna after a while felt the urge to be by herself so she said her goodbyes to everyone before leaving down the hallways.

She didn't have an exact destination in mind but she kept walking till she saw Caleb leaning against the walls outside of school smoking a cigarette.

Hanna frowned at the cigarette as she walked towards him.

He noticed her presence and gave her a glance.

"Those aren't healthy for you," Hanna stated with folded arms.

Caleb blew the smoke in the opposite direction " a lot of things aren't healthy." He shrugged.

Hanna rolled her eyes scoffing "like what? Your wannabe phone business, sketchy?"

He smirked at that remark but didn't reply which bothered Hanna.

Wait- why do I care if I have his attention or not?

Hanna turned on her heel heading back towards her friends not looking back while Caleb watched her walk away with curiosity and amusement in his eyes.

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"This red cami crop top would cute with a mini skirt right? What do you guys think?" Hanna asked her friends while looking in the mirror holding up a shirt and a skirt.

"Yes, but don't you think that's a bit...revealing?" Spencer asked putting on her shirt.

"It's a high school party, not a prom." Hanna rolled her eyes.

"I think you should wear this, I thought I could fit it but my boobs aren't big enough." Aria sighed tossing Hanna a red dress.

Hanna put on the outfit she had and looked at Aria's dress. It was a red silk Spaghetti strapped dress that ended slightly above mid-thigh. Hanna really liked it and she had the perfect shoes in her closet in mind.

"I see you hit a jackpot." Emily teased Hanna's newly inspired face.

"I'm not surprised red was always her color." Aria chirped.

"Hush." Hanna laughed "I have the perfect shoes I'm gonna wear." She started getting dressed while the other continued the conversation

"Anyone getting lucky tonight?" Emily asked putting on her black ripped shorts. She was wearing a black bandage-like crop top that had only one sleeve and her converse were on the floor waiting to be worn.

"I was thinking about going to Ezra's house after the party," Aria replied sitting in the vanity putting her earrings in.

"And I was thinking maybe Toby could spend the night? I could always sneak him in, besides I don't think Melissa is going to be in the house." Spencer shrugged.

"How about you and Ben?" Spencer asked wiggling her eyebrows.

Hanna noticed Emily shifted awkwardly "I'm having her with me tonight as my wing woman, she's gonna help me score Sean." Hanna said putting on the dress.

Emily smiled gratefully at Hanna's save.

"Honestly Hanna, I feel like this night is gonna be great for you," Aria said.

"I agree especially when I'm here to help, but just know when you guys start the make-out session, I'm out." Emily joked.

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Emily, Hanna, Aria, and Spencer all hung out together for a little when they got there but soon split up. Now it was Hanna and Emily hanging out while Spencer and Aria hung out with Spencer's boyfriend Toby.

Hanna and Emily stood there talking while they watched their boyfriends play foosball.

"Hey em. Hey Hanna!" A voice called. The two girls turned to see Mya smiling heading their way.

Hanna and Emily smiled "hey Mya

"So this is the parties that you guys have? Pretty wild. I saw this guy jump off the roof outside." Maya said with a red cup in her hand.

"Oh, did he have black shaggy hair? Mexican?" Emily asked.

"Yeah?" Mya replied amused.

"Ugh, it's josh. I swear he only does that so Noel khan can think he's cool." Hanna scoffed drinking the alcohol she had in her cup.

Mya laughed in response to that "wow you guys definitely have to introduce me to these people"

After the conversation Hanna was on her third drink she was now tipsy and was tired of watching Sean and Ben play this stupid game.

She stood up and walked to Sean and he barely glanced at her.

"Hey, do you think you can stop playing and go out to hang out?" Hanna asked slightly annoyed.

"Hold on Gimmie one second Hanna I'm so close to winning." He said not breaking his focus on his opponent.

Hanna rolled her eyes as Sean made a shot and won.

"Yes!" He hollered victoriously.

Ben just scoffed "you won by luck." He said heading over to Emily and Mya.

Hanna grabbed Sean's hand and smiled "I know somewhere we can get privacy."

"Okay ." He said smiling.

Hanna went to Emily who looked like she wanted to throw herself out the nearest window.

"Can you watch my phone and my purse?" Hanna said quickly not waiting for a reply, leading Sean away from the area.

Hanna led them up to the attic it was dark and slightly dusty.

"What are we doing here Han?"

"I just wanted privacy. Time with you. You know by myself." She said walking to him and pulling him close.

He hugged her back and smiled "well you have me."

Hanna kissed him hoping that he'd kiss her back and he did. She was so happy.

Sean pulled away and sat on the ground and Hanna wore a dress so he let her sit on his lap. This definitely is a sign.

They kissed again the kiss getting more and more heated.

Hanna rubbed her hands up his shirt-covered chest and that's when Hanna's happy moment went down the drain.

He pulled away and looked away.

"What's wrong?" She asked confused. They weren't doing anything bad.

"Nothing I just don't think that this is right..." Sean tried to explain.

"What isn't? kissing? I don't get it." Hanna said confused and frustrated.

"I don't know Hanna I just don't think we should." He said standing up making Hanna have no choice but to get off of his lap.

"Is it me?" Hanna asked.

He just sighed "no it's-its just"

"It's What? In all you're previous relationships you always made out and kissed. So what's the difference with this one Sean?!"

"I'm gonna go okay?" He said avoiding her question.

"It is me isn't it." She said with tears filling her eyes.

He didn't answer and just went downstairs, leaving Hanna alone in the darkroom.

Hanna felt tears rush down her face. There was that feeling that always lurked around her mind.

She wasn't good enough.

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Hanna headed downstairs traces of her sadness were gone with her mask. She wanted to go home and cry her eyes out. Then it hit her, Emily had her phone and her purse.

Emily and Mya weren't in the same spot and she didn't see them anywhere.

She however saw Sean playing the game with his friends. He didn't spare her a glance.

She mentally sighed and walked past him head held up high as she looked for Emily.

She walked outside and saw Aria, Spencer, Emily, and Mya talking. She also saw a blonde but she didn't recognize her, maybe it was cause the blonde's back was facing her.

She walked up to the group of girls mentally bracing herself for the conversation.

The girls greeted her. She looked at the blonde she didn't recognize before only to see Alison.

"Hi, han." She smirked looking her outfit up and down " cute." She said nodding approvingly.

"Thanks" Hanna gave a fake smile.

She immediately turned to Emily "hey can I get my stuff." She said referring to her bag and her purse.

"Yeah here," Emily replied giving her friend back her belonging.

Hanna wanted to go home but if she said she wanted to go the girls would assume that something happened. Hanna looked at Mya. She wasn't in the mood to explain especially with Mya here.

"So I'm gonna go back with Sean... we might leave early." Hanna lied.

The girls let out a "oohs".

"I'm proud you're making progress." Aria smiled excitedly for her friend.

"Use protection!" Spencer added.

Hanna rolled her eyes and put on a fake smile "bye guys." She said walking away.

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Hanna walked home and she couldn't stop the tears from falling from her face. So many negative thoughts swirling through her mind. She reached her front door and entered.

She's sighed as she went straight to the kitchen grabbing her favorite cereal. Coco puffs. She got a big bowl of it and took it upstairs.

After eating the cereal she felt worse remembering she's gonna gain weight and if Sean didn't want her now, why would he want her while she was a whale?

She got up and went to the bathroom and got on her knees. She began crying as she brought her fingers to her mouth. Soon the sounds of gagging and throwing up filled the bathroom.

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A/N: haleb in the next chapter whoop whoop