SONIC
"Mwah. Mmmmmwah." I hear in my sleep in and then this time I feel someone push against my lips, making the same noise.
"Hehe, you sleep for so long. I guess I'll keep on kissing you until you wake up."
"Mwah. Mwah." A smile appears rises on my face and Sally laughs at that and she kisses me again and then I feel movement on my right side.
"Jules, give your daddy a kiss." Sally says and that's when I open my eyes to see my son's right above my face.
"OKAY! MWAH!"
Jules slams his head on my forehead and I spring up, making him fall of my chest but I catch him just in time.
"Jules!" Sally gasps and Sally moves in front of me to make sure I was okay or if I had a concussion as I hold my head.
"What? I give kissies!" Jules laughs and I slowly laugh to and then I lift him in the air making him laugh louder.
"Oh, really? Then let me gives you a kissie." I gently and playfully slam Jules into the bed and start to tickle him.
"THIS NO KISSIE!" He screams out and yells as I blow raspberries on his tummy.
"Daddy haha!" Jules starts to kick his small feet and I stop and smile at him.
"Jules, don't knock me out. Please. This is a kissie." I lift him up and kiss his forehead and he still laughs because he is so goofy.
"Let me try!" Jules reaches out for me and I lean my forehead to his face and kisses mine.
"See! So much safer than you head butting me." I say and he kisses me again making me laugh this time and then Sally gets up and opens the curtains to let the sunlight enter.
"Okay, you two. Daddy still has to go to work even though it's a holiday." Sally says and me and Jules both whine. Hey! What did I say?!"
"It's not fair you guys have a holiday and I don't." I say while getting up and holding Jules.
"You make the schedule."
"Yeah…. Ugh." I complain and Sally laughs and takes Jules from me and heads downstairs.
"Well next year, don't schedule a hiring day on a holiday." Sally says and then points at our clock and it showed that I had to be at work in an hour. "Don't be late! Breakfast is downstairs being made!"
Jules waves at me as he goes downstairs with his mom and I wave back with a smile but then I groan and start putting my clothes.
Nice linen short sleeved shirt, covered around my dark forest green suit jacket and then I wore some black pants and brown shoes. I slide on my silver Rolex and add a little bit of colgene.
I freshen up and I was ready to head out to my hiring event. I have these every year. On this same holiday that I try to avoid but I still place it on that exact day somehow.
The smell of food drags me downstairs and I notice that Jules was outside playing from our window and then I see Sally, dragging me even more into the kitchen.
She was humming a song she was playing in the kitchen and I smoothly move my hands around her waist and look over at the food she was cooking.
"Oh shit!" She jumped from me coming up from behind her and I laugh.
"Sorry. Haha."
"Sonic, I couldn't even hear you-" She turned around and looked at my outfit and I stand back and start posing.
"You wore the jacket I told you to wear."
"Yes, I did. Do I look professional? Do I look hot?"
Sally shook her head and still smiled as she went back to cooking. "Yes, you do look very sexy and professional."
"Ooh sexy? I said hot but if you think I am sexy then it must be true." I say walking back up behind her and wrapping my arms around her waist again.
"It is true." She says and I smile and kiss her cheek move down to her neck that got warmer every time I would kiss it.
"Sonic…" she says and giggles as I kiss the crick in her neck and she moved her bottom closer to my pants. "You don't have time for this. You have a important and long day."
"I do… I do… but I won't see you and Jules for most of it." I move back up into her hair to kiss it too and she sighs.
"Sucks. I wish you were going to be here." Sally turns off the eyes on the stoveand turns to me.
I look into her eyes and she looks over my collar and fixes my shirt. "You do look really nice."
"Thank you wife." I say and Sally laughs again and then she wraps her arms around my neck.
"You are welcome husband."
We kiss once and I try to kiss her longer but she moves back and then hands me a container of breakfast.
"You have thirty minutes! Don't have your assistant waiting for you outside. She told me about that three weeks ago that she would show up early. Waiting for you every day."
"You are right…. Ugh when did you two become such best friends." I complain because they were both scolding me constantly.
"Amy is nice! I see what you mean! It's hard not to be friends with her…. I even got brunch with her last week. She is so funny! So, you go to work and let her in so you don't destroy me and Amy's new friendship." She says and walks to the door to the back.
"Jules! Daddy is leaving!"
Jules comes in right after and he had a leaf in his head and I bend down and extend my arms.
"HAVE A GREAT DAY!" he yells.
"I will! And make sure you pack your bag! Your cousins are waiting for you so you can go camping with them tonight."
"Okay!" Jules says and I give Sally one last kiss before heading out into the warm happy sun.
As I drive to work, I feel this constantly state of happiness. It had been here for so long that I was starting to forget what stress feels like. Everyone in my life was happy and I was too.
And I had a feeling that it was going to be like this for now on.
I park and of course… my assistant is standing there again but there were also more cars and more of my staff here as well for our small hiring event and as I walked up to the door they started cheering and making jokes about how I always show up at the last second but I was on time.
But it was time to get to work.
"You actually showed up a minute early. Good job." Ms. Rose says while handing me a folder and I crack a smile.
"Well, I don't want to get my ass kicked by you if I don't."
"Smart of you! And excuse me everyone!" Ms. Rose gets most of our staffs attention while I unlock the door and stops anyone from coming in.
'"We have done this before. Hiring events get very eventful so please show everyone where the nearest bathroom is, lunch area, and their times for their interview!" Ms. Rose says and hopefully that got through everyone because just like when I hired Ms. Rose.
I take hiring events very seriously and I learned my lesson hard from just hiring Espio because Knuckles said he was cool.
Espio made me lose so much money in such a quick moment, but now that I have a better system with hiring people then this should be a breeze.
First, I scheduled a tour for every interviewee entering our building. I think it is only right to give them a tour so they can see if they would fit the work environment or to at least give them a headspace on what it is like to work for a million dollar company. And then afterwards I have them eat lunch as thank for being interested in joining our family and then at the end is the big interview.
The one where me Knuckles, Cream and Amy assists with me during it.
"The event starts soon everyone! Let's make this a fun one!"
Everyone cheers, getting excited to Ms. Rose's words and I was too. Working here was starting to feel like an hangout now and even doing important professional things like this was settling.
Music starts playing from our intercom , creating a fun and positive atmosphere and I watch some staff already make sure tables are ready and that areas were spotless. The food was already placed in our breakroom as well for our guests and I try to sneak in to grab a strawberry but Ms. Rose. Of course and always is watching my every move and she pulls me out of the break room.
"The food is for the guests, Mr. Hedgehog. And you are supposed to be greeting them at the door! It's your event and you need to be at the front of the action." Ms. Rose pushes to the front of the door and I stumble into someone.
"Oh- Oh Mr. Hedgehog! I am terribly sorry." The short white cat with red glasses takes steps back after seeing me get pushed out.
"Oh, it's fine…. It's Charlie isn't? Pronouns he/him?" I remember his name from his application because I was trying to memorize and know what to expect today.
"Yes sir! And thank you for the pronouns check. It's an honor for you to remember my application. It is nice to meet you!" He smiles friendly now.
"You too! Welcome in! You are the first one here for one of the tours. I like excitement and eagerness here. That's what we need."
"I am excited to be here!" he says and I open the door for him as he greets Ms. Rose too and then Ms. Rose smiles and pats me on my head.
"Wow, look at you! So professional and remembering his pronouns. Bonus points!"
'Well, you flamed my last hiring event I had when we hired you, telling me how awful it was."
"Haha! Are you serious?" Amy laughs makes me laugh and she shoves me. "You yelled at so much people! You could have at least known their name."
"Psh, and if I did then maybe I wouldn't have gotten such a great assistant." I say and Ms. Rose stops and smiles as she looks over her face.
"That is true. Maybe I should stop complaining then." She says sweetly but I could hear sarcasm somewhere.
"Thank you." I finish off knowing Ms. Rose hates when I when a argument but she just laughs it over as we wait for the next person to walk in.
Hours later
"Just don't let Knuckles speak at all." Cream laughs loudly and I do too.
"Hey! It was one guy! Besides without me then Ms. Rose wouldn't have been here! So Espio curved a way for her to be here." Knuckles drank his water angrily and I thumped my pencil on the table while he made a valid point but I was still scared from Espio even being here.
"Yeah, but also maybe you shouldn't talk." I repeat and Cream laughs again but then it stops once Ms. Rose walks in.
"Okay! The first interviewee is here! Are we ready?" Ms. Rose had a smile on her face and we smile with her, giving her a head nod so that she can know we are ready.
"First, we have Summer! Pronouns she/her and our first interviewee."
Summer walks in with a small smile on her face and I start analyzing everything about her. Her shoes, her clothes, her hair, how she shook my hand and then Cream's and then her eye contact to me as she walks to sit down in front of us.
"Excited to be here?" I start off the mood and Summer smiles and looks around office.
"I am! It's so professional and homey here! I see why you are so successful with your production rate with other businesses." She says and I decide to feed on that note.
"Companies like what?" I challenge and she stops looking around and she thinks for a moment.
"A certain company? Well, I am not sure of the name but I do know you sponsor a company in Wyoming." Summer blushed and seem like she wasn't ready for that question but I want to see all aspects of her.
"Personally, I think its very important to know the names of people we sponsor with. That's very important that we all know that. "
"Yes sir. I fully understand the importance of that." Summer comes back and I smile and then lean back.
"Tell us about yourself then." I grab my pen as she starts to talk and then I also listen to her talk about her experiences and other goals in life.
I also found out that by really getting to know the interviewer is important. I shouldn't just pick someone so fast from their witty personally or the small great answers they give.
I want to pick someone who would do great for the team.
"I have also been so interested in this job for sometime! I put my application way back a long time ago and I never thought I would be called to come in. It's such an honor!" the next interviewer says.
"It is and you should feel honored. And to my next question, how good are you with conveying charts and graphs." Cream asks.
The interviewer stays quiet for a moment and I peek up from my paper to see him looking lost but once my eyes came up he laughed awkwardly.
"Well… I;='m not that great at graphs… but if you teach me then I am sure I can be a great help. I'm always down to learn something."
"Learning?" I ask out loud and he looks at me.
"Yes… I haven't had a real, real job before. This is my first one really- that goes with my major and I thought this would be a great place to start."
The room goes silent and I can tell he thought he fucked it up but I remembered based on his interview that he actually had great grades.
"I hope my inexperience's won't hinder my opportunity."
"No, it won't." I say and his eyes light up with hope. "Your grades. Are outstanding and your professors say you are a brilliant student who is always eager to learn." I say from the references.
"Let's say this." I place his application down and look at him. "I think based from your resume and your aspirations that you would definitely fit in here. But full time working? Maybe not now but I could offer you a internship with Mr. Echidna. That way you can understand what needs to be done here instead of being thrown into a field that people have been doing forever."
"An intern?" Knuckles says and I laugh.
"Yeah, you have never had an intern and he has never worked in the real world before. I think that's both learning opportunities."
"Really!" he stands up and looks at me.
"Yup. Just give Ms. Rose your application and we will be in touch soon."
"T-Thank you Mr. Hedgehog!" he shakes my hand and everyone else's and then gives Ms. Rose his application and Ms. Rose lets him out and the claps her hands.
"That's a great Idea to have internships. Very important."
"It is!" Cream pitches in and looks at Knuckles." That gives you more growth opportunities too Knuckles! Your own intern."
"Psh. Interning a freshie? Sounds like a lot of work."
"It might be but you need it." I say and Knuckles groans again as I can not let go of his bad decision making of Espio but then we all laugh later.
After all of the interviews I step out the building for a bit to breathe before heading in.
Taking in all that I have learned from the past few months all together. Noticing my wrongs and rights. It finally felt like I was comfortable and life.
And a feeling I have not felt in a while.
I stare at the sky, watching the clouds sore with bigger clouds trailing it and then I sigh once more until I heard a small shuffle and I turn my head and see Ms. Rose, offering me a small bowl of strawberries.
"Since its over now you can have some."
"What? I didn't think anywhere left." I say and take the bowl from her.
"I saved some for you while you were greeting everyone." She says and then sits on a bench behind my building. "It's nice out, after a long day."
Ms. Rose eyes shimmered as she started into the pink and dark blue clouds I was watching and then she looks at me. "Come sit."
I walk over and sit by her and we sit in silence until she started to hum and I eat a strawberry.
"Ya, know. Life is strange… all the time things are happening when we don't even see it and then when does happen….well lately it has been refreshing to not see the unknown coming."
"What do you mean?" I look at her and she shrugs her shoulders.
"I'm content with anything that is there to come… I mean look at us." She points out into the world and I look at the small hills and then a street in the background.
"I'm working at a million dollar company. You own one. I get to co-help on it… and I'm still waiting on my raise." She says and I laugh and hand her a strawberry.
"Here is your raise." I say and she takes the strawberry and smiles.
"Wow. Thanks!" Her sarcasm makes me laugh every time and then we fall silent again. "Also I think its really cool that you and your family are as happy as can be."
"Me too." I stare at my legs… remembering my morning with them.
"I'm proud of you." Amy pats me on my back and I thank her.
"Hey. Hey. You have done some character development too." I say and she rolls her eyes.
"Yeah, I know. You tell me all of the time. I don't need to hear how awesome I am." She jokes and I laugh again but then I look at the strawberries she brought me.
"Seriously. Thanks for… everything."
Ms. Rose looks over at me and she looks at both of my eyes and then smiles.
"You are welcome."
Soon we all went home after cleaning and I stop by at Jule's friends house to get him from his play date and he runs out of the house full speed to me.
"DADDY!"
"Hey!"I pick him up and he grins.
"Grandma's house! Grandma's house!" he chants over and over again as I say bye to his friends' parents and then put him in the car seat.
"Yes. Yes. We have to go home first to get your things. Did you at least try to pack like I said?" I ask and he stares at me from his seat.
"Nwo."
I sighed before speaking and he laughed at my laugh and tickle his tummy.
"Then let's do that when we get home so you can continue to have more fun!"
"Yay!"
I take Jules back home with him telling me about his day. He expressed about how he drew another picture of us and it was actually pretty well. He drew the same sky I was looking at outside but now the clouds were fully covering the sky as I parked in our drive way.
Jules bounced up and down in his seat and smile at his happiness as I carry him in.
"Can we show mommy my project!?"
"Sure. Let's surprise her." I carry him and I carefully unlock the door as we enter slowly.
"You gotta be very quiet." I whisper to him and he laughs and shushes me as we go up each step with his painting in his hand.
I carefully hold Jules as I approach the door and then he taps me.
"Can we say surprise?" he whispers and I kiss his little face and then agree.
"Yeah… on three." I say and he grips his painting and nods his head.
"Okay one…" I grip the door handle and then I smile at Jules excited bounces. "Two…"
I twist the door on the knob and then a small amount of light hits my face as I have to turn my body slightly to open the door to our bedroom.
"Three."
…
"Ooh… oh my gosh…."
….
"Harder… ah!"
…
"Ugh! You are going to make me fall off the bed."
…
My eyes watch the bedsheets move back and forth with someone over Sally's sweaty body. She kisses… whoever I was seeing and then her blue eyes finally meet mine.
Her eyes were in shock and then it was irritated.
….
"Why… does she look like that"-
"Close the door!"
I slam the door shut and I starred at the door. I listen to a small conversation and then my mind started to pull back far from reality… it was shrinking so far back.
…
"What…"
"No… maybe she..."
…
I was still holding the closed door that lead into our bedroom and then the creaking of the bed starts again and my body started to feel instantly warmer.
"How could I not have heard her before-"
"Daddy!" Jules tapped my arm hard. "Wake up!"
"I must have not heard him."
"Who is that with mommy?" he curious eyes ask and I hold him and then I walk off.
I make a hard left turn into his room and I set him on the bed and I grab his bag he takes to his grandma's house.
My body was still feeling warm and I blinked my eyes once as it felt like I had not blinked for long moments.
"Daddy?"
I stop and look at Jules who was confused and I start packing again.
"Who…. Who was dat?" he asks and I don't answer.
I didn't want an answer… I didn't want the truth.
I grab almost everything I could find for his camping trip and then I get another bag for his toys and I put around my back. I approach him and he backs away from me and starts to frown.
"I want to see mommy- "
"No." I say sternly and his eyes water and I realize my tone.
"… Sorry, Jules I- "
"Angry…" he says and I get on my knee.
"I'm not. I'm not. Daddy is sorry." I say rubbing his face and…. I slowly shove this painful feeling in me away and I smile. "Let's go to your grandma's house."
Jules finally agreed and I carry him quickly down the stairs because I could still here the bed hitting against the wall and I close my eyes as I listen to her moan.
"Bye mommy!" Jules yells and I bite my lip and rush out the door and then I place him his car seat and get in mine.
Jules was quiet in the back and I drove quickly to my mom's. The rain was starting to tap on my window and I turn on my windshield wipers.
I stare straight ahead to the road, gripping my steering wheel and as soon as I got to her house I took him to the front and unlocked the door myself.
"Daddy…" Jules says and I look into his eyes.
"Yes? What's going on." I bend down to his level after unlocking the door and he holds his painting and then gives it too me.
"Give this to mommy." He shows me the picture.
It was a drawing of us. Him, me… and Sally. I have taken this painting for granted before I went home… now when I look at this… it sends straight pain to my chest.
"I will." I say fast and I push him in and I see my mom walking around and then she stops as she saw motion.
"Jules? Sonic, you didn't say you were here-"
"I have to go."
I walk off fast to my car as my mom calls for me but I march on as I get into the car I never turned off and drive back home.
I arrive back and the rain didn't even bother as I walked under it and then I open the door I forgot to lock to our house and I see Sally on stairs… Surprisingly with a cup of wine in her hand while sitting in her robe.
"I didn't think your hiring event would be over so soon." She says as she looks at the wall and I stare at her.
….
I didn't even know who I was looking at…. But I know all the things that had been done in our bedroom room…. Our house…. The one I paid for fully.
"Honestly, Sonic. What did you expect? You are standing here. Looking like this was never going to happen but it did. Please get a grip or something."
…
"Where is this even coming from. I thought…"
Sally eyes moved to mine and she squinted her eyes in confusion and then groan.
"Sonic, say something! You just got cheated on and right now you look like you could cry." She gas lights me but no anger fills.
Only questions.
"Who was it?"
Sally looked behind her to the bedroom and shrugged her shoulders.
"Does it matter? I cheated on you. Because I am not in love with you anymore." She says and I stare at her.
"But…We were happy and you just…" I think about all the healing we did together and she burned it like fire. "Sally… why- "
"YOU CHEATED ON ME FIRST!" Her voice yelled into my chest and my heart shriveled. "You cannot sit here and try to act like you did not cheat on me before! You had this coming Sonic! I never wanted to cheat on you but sometimes I remember it and you make me sick! "
Sally places her wine glass down and crosses her leg. "You don't deserve anything from me. I learned that today. What was I thinking? Trying to fix some marriage that you ruined in college. You cheated on me and expected me to just ignore it! Well I can't anymore, Sonic."
Disbelief was definitely on my face and I blink softly and I could see love marks on her neck that wasn't from me.
I try to think of when she could have even made contact with the guy she was with… until I think back to when she was on the phone a lot of the times when I was not in the room and then she would play it off…That's when she would make plans with that person who was in our bed.
"W- who was it…" My voice was lazy and numb as I take in every hateful glare from… my love.
"Who was it? Why do you want to know?"
"Why did I want to know…."
My tongue was too in shock to move so I stood while she watched me shrink.
"Why are you sad?" she said and she rolled her eyes. "You are the one who started this so I should be the one who is miserable!"
"Miserable?..." I turn my head to look at myself in the mirror and I looked drained. Tired….
"Yes. You just lost me and you had to see it in person… When did your hiring event end so soon?"
"I….I-I-It-"
"Come on, Sonic. Use your words. You have been in this situation before… well this time my heart isn't breaking." Sally voice would echo throughout my whole soul.
…
Somehow, I start to smile… maybe it was because I thought I could turn this around but then another part of me was probably trying to endure the pain the best I could.
"I can fix this."
"I'm not going to be alone."
"Haha…. You are right. I did cheat first. But we are even now. So I will look past this. No. We will look past this and move on." I say and I walk up to her and bend down to her face level.
"I did deserve this. I had it coming but now that we are even then maybe this is all we needed to surely get passed what I did. I did cheat on you but I don't want that to hold us back because we are truly even now." I say and she doesn't talk.
"Maybe this is working."
"So… I forgive you for this. You don't have to apologize." I touch her leg and my lip trembles. "I still love you."
Sally stares into my face as I waited for her to say it back.
"Sally…. I said I love you-"
"I heard." She mutters and then moves my fingers from her lap and pushes me back with her foot, causing me to fall back on the floor.
"I think I stopped loving you a long time ago." Sally says directly to me. "I thought I was over the cheating but I lied to myself. How could I ever be over something so humiliating? The only thing. The only reason why I stayed with you for so long is because I thought once Jules got here then things would get better. That I would get better but I didn't. You didn't. You tried to show me that you cared and that you wanted me but you didn't. It was all charade. That we both fell for…" she says and then stands up while I was on the ground.
Watching my world dull from my eyes as she spoke.
"I already filed for divorce, Sonic. I can't do this with you anymore. "
"Sally…" my words were soft and I wanted to stand but her words had taken everything out of me.
"I cheated on you and it felt… great. Relieving, that I don't have to be tied down to such a selfish man. And how bad it hurts to say all these things its true." Sally speaks "Jules. I brought him to this world and every single thing I gave you that made you happy… I am taking away. You don't deserve a single OUNCE OF ANYTHING FROM ME!" she
"I'm divorcing and getting full custody over Jules so you can see what it feels to hopeless and alone." Sally barks and even her eyes were tearing up too. "You really destroyed me back then, Sonic. And I am finding all of my worth. At this moment." She says and then she stands up and grabs a random bag and approaches me.
"I don't need a man. I don't need your support because I have myself! I need someone who will love me fully! From start to finish! I know my worth and Sonic, you take everything I do for granted!" she says.
"Doesn't that terrify you? That no one even needs you to rely on. That when people get fed up with you, they finally cut you off and leave you alone?" she says and I flinch at her last words. "That's what makes this so dangerous for you Sonic, is that you know that I can carry my own ass if I need too. I don't need you to make me happy or for anything. I realize that now and if I have myself then why am I tying myself to you? Why did I even try to tie myself to you…"?
"It took me a moment… to create my own voice. To voice my opinion because I knew if I would say it then it would hurt you but Sonic. I don't love you. I'm filed for divorce and you need to leave."
She drops the bag on my lap and I look at it and then back to her as she had nothing but vengeance in her eyes.
"Sal- "
"Go."
Her words pushed me back and I shook my head and moved the bag from my lap and stood up to approach her.
"Sally. No. Wait."
"Don't touch me! Just go." She says and I felt all sadness surface around me.
"…What about Jules… what about him?" I say and she grabs the bag and pushes me towards the door.
"I told you that I am fully taking custody of Jules! You don't deserve him." She puts the bag back in my hands and I constantly look down and watch her tears fall out of her eyes she pushes me away.
"Sally. I still love you. Please wait. I'm sorry for cheating on you then. It was an accident. I promise you that..." I say for the probably 1000th time as she opens the front door and shoves me out into the rain.
"We can work on this , Sally. Please don't give up yet." I say and once I was fully on the front porch, she looks at me with her hurt eyes and then takes steps back into… our home.
"Move on. Sonic. Our marriage is over." She closes the door gently and I listen to it lock.
I stood there. Rain thumping on my head and raindrops sliding down my face. The bag she handed me was probably filled with clothes to get me by so I could not have a reason to be here. She wanted me out.
I turn around slowly and walk to my car and unlock it. Placing my bag inside and then I sit down at the seat of my steering wheel.
My body felt nothing and the only thing acompanying me now was the rain… even the rain sounded lonely as it hit the window shield and slid into nothingness.
That's what I felt like right now. Nothingness but with a ping pain of hurt surfacing. The pain was becoming louder and I bite my lip and punch my steering wheel hard.
I start breathing quicker and I stare into the driveway. Not even looking at the home I was just recently kicked out of.
I wanted to have a reason. For someone to tell me that I have been lied too… what the hell did I even do too… deserve this. Why was this my path in life. Hurting everyone… everyone that comes in my life and I suck the life out of them and then I leave them empty. But now it was my turn.
"It hurts." I say as I turn my car on and the rumbling of the car makes me only feel that inside my body.
"I'm suffering." I say again and I start to drive but then before I pulled in my drive way. I look at my face and I saw panic… resistant, denial, weakness…. Chaos. Why was I so weak?
Because I love her.
I love her.
I can't help the way I love her.
And she doesn't love me.
"Ouch…ouch. Ouch. Ouch. ouch."
My heart would shatter bit by bit as the shock of what just happened fades and it shows me that this is reality.
Not a dream.
"It's not a dream. This is real."
I start breathing quicker and I want to push on the gas to leave my property of my home and the person who holds my heart.
"No. Maybe I am just dreaming-"
The world thunders and telling me that there is no way out of this pain and turmoil that is to come. It lets me know that time is going to continue to go on as I hurt and beg for someone to keep me out of this hole of loneliness.
I feel so scattered and things were starting to feel like they don't matter.
I was lonely.
I had never even known what loneliness felt like.
And every time it would thunder it would now fell like the world was apologizing for how there was no way out of the cycle I created for myself.
This long- awaited feeling of loneliness.
That's how my life was always going to be.
No matter how much I tried to avoid this day.
I knew it was soon to appear.
…
….
"Hey… It's me."
"I get…. So comfortable in life…. Every time. Every time. Every fucking time I get so comfortable and then something happens. Every time… what was I thinking that life was ever going to be a bliss for me. It never was and probably never will. I should have expected that. For me to end up alone in the end.
It was deserved and coming.
I mean look at me? I am a waste of s- space. I am and all I do is suck the life out of happiness for others for my own good.
I do.
And now that I have done that then I am now alone.
Alone as I will ever be and its my fault.
Alone is what I deserve. From the beginning. I deserved no one and I still don't. Not even with these tears coming to my eyes. I deserve to be sad either. This was my choice and I deserve the outcome.
My stupid heart.
My heart leads me to these conclusions that I will always get the upper hand on love. Like I have the key to all of it but reality all I am is a chaos of thoughts and desires that make me blind into hurting the ones I care about.
Do I care about them?
… I don't. I guess I never did.
And since I don't care about others.
Then why would anyone want to see how the rest of this goes in my point of view.
I'm rotten.
I don't want to influence anyone on my point of view of this story.
Give it to someone else who deserves the spotlight to show how kind the world can be with people like me in it.
... I'm done.
Hear it from someone better.
I deserve to be alone….. but I don't want to be. But I am. So, you won't hear from my point of view anymore. I don't deserve your eyes of reading my words…
And don't feel bad for me. Because I don't deserve the kindness of your hearts either.
Keep love.
Far away from me.
I have no words for this. Surprisingly I am shocked myself that I am letting it go this way but… I feel weird. Destroying relationships that I build for them. It feels weird.
Almost too real maybe haha. I had been planning this outcome since I introduced Amy in the beginning and now that it is here… it feels so weird lol.
And you guys are so smart to pick up on small detail that something was going to happen. Good job.
But please review on your thoughts and favorite and follow.
Until next time, my loves.
I am also planning to change the title of this to "Suffering, my love." In a few days so please Favorite and follow to make sure you see how it ends.
Because it isn't over yet.