Amy
We did not really have a heart-to-heart conversation about happen between us but we did comfort each other. Sonic seemed to calm down a little but more after talking about it.
He said he was slightly uncomfortable here because how he had done me but I didn't care.
I kind of just wanted him to apologize for choosing me second.
Even after our talk he helped me clean the kitchen and then he went upstairs to sleep for the night and I just slept down stairs.
Next morning.
I open my eyes to a misty morning and I gently roll out of it.
Wake and bake.
My ritual to start the morning so I could at least feel production. I yawn heavily and light my blunt and then I take a hit and exhale.
"I hate crying." I say aloud because it leaves a lingering inside my body.
"Me too."
I flinch and I jump on my couch and I see Sonic.
"Sorry… you wouldn't wake up so I kind of… Called your name." he says and I take a bigger hit because I starting to forget that this man was even here.
"You really wake up and smoke, do you?" he says as he saw me immediately reach for my weed and I blush.
"HEY! HEY! I know that I am letting you stay here but you can't just creep around in the morning!" I point out and put my blunt out I just lit.
"I just wanted to ask if I could use your shower." He held his clothes in his hand and I scoffed.
"Yes! You don't have to ask me that!" I say and I storm off and with my phone in my hand to get some orange juice.
I listen to Sonic walk upstairs as I poured my orange juice and then he came back down.
"Sorry."
"IT'S FINE!" I bark back and he scurries off.
I groan and drink some of the orange juice but I drink my orange juice and drink it quickly to calm my burning face and then my phone starts to ring.
My lips tightened and I lean my counter for the support of this conversation.
"Hi Rosy!" I Throw an extra sound happiness in my voice.
"Hello baby sister! You didn't respond to my texts all week so seems like I have to call you." Rosy comments and I laugh awkwardly.
"I've been busy- "
" YEAH! WITH YOUR BOSS RIGHT!?"
"Chaos… how many people have I talked to him about."
"Well- not anymore. We broke up and he- "
"Huh? Why? Did he not give you the promotion you wanted?"
"Promotion!? I never was with him because of a p-promotion!" I redden.
"Then why did you guys break up?"
Her question made me want to hang up the phone like I usually do with her because I didn't really want my family to know much about since they only wanted something to do with me, they heard from rosy that I was assisting a million-dollar company.
Hopefully she didn't tell them about how I have been sleeping with my boss. She can't keep any secrets to herself.
"He…. Uh. Likes someone else more than me."
I also didn't tell her about that he has an entire family.
"Bummer." She says.
"Yeah…." I say and I sounded down but then I realized I couldn't let her know.
"Are you okay? You sound sad. Should I come down there?"
"Crap! No, she can't!"
"N-n-n-no! I'm fine! He is here so- "
…
My lips tremble as I freaked OUT AND SAID THE WRONG THING!
"He… is there!?" She yells and I blush hard.
"Well! It isn't like that! -"
"OHHH GREAT!
MAYBE I SHOULD COME TO YOUR HOUSE! SEE YOU IN TWO SECONDS BECAUSE I WAS ALREADY HERE!"
Rosy hung up and I start to run towards my window to get the weed smell out and then I spray my entire house to hide the smell. I throw the blunt outside and cry internally because I had not finished it nor started it.
I run up the stairs and spray in my room and then I run downstairs, tripping on the last step and then my doorbell rings.
"C-Coning!" I straighten my clothes and my hair while cursing in my head from falling.
I open the door and she smiles angrily.
"Where is he?!"
"Rosy, you can't just show up out of the blue- "
"You don't answer calls!" She barks and i blush even harder.
"I've been busy! And just hold on! Let me at least let him know that you are here!" I say and Rosy stood there for a moment. Looking at me and then around my house.
"Why should I? It smells like weed in here! Amy, I thought you quit that!"
"It's not even bad for you!"
"But for you! It might be! You have a bipolar disorder and anxiety issues! If you just stay on the medication than the stupid weed then you would be a better person!"
Rosy was really starting to bum me out and but I recuperated.
"I'm fine. You don't have to come in a-and you definitely don't need too…" I look down to her hand and I see a random flip flop and then she was tapping her foot impatiently.
"Rosy…. No."
"Move to the side. You have a man up there that broke up with you and is…." She listens to the shower upstairs and then frowns even more. "Showering! Move right now!"
"Rosy wait!"
Rosy pushes past me and storms upstairs. I follow behind nervously wondering what she was going to do.
"HEY! Get out of my sisters shower!" Rosy yells and then she grabs the handle and shakes it and I grab her hands.
"Rosy! Stop!"
"No, he is being rude to my baby sister so I'm going to show him!" Rosy knocks on the door and I grab her hands as we start fighting for the door to be opened or closed.
The door opens and Rosy stops as she leans up to look at his face and then she freezes and I did too because he was shirtless with a towel hanging on his waist.
He looked at Rosy and then to me who was stuck in a head lock.
"Sorry…was I long? … uh…who is…" Sonic was confused and then i look at Rosy who was blushing and looking at Sonic carefully.
"Hi…." She says and she tried to continue to bash Sonic but she was too busy watching the water drip down his peck.
"Good morning… are you her… sister? She never really talked about a sister but I knew she had some family." Sonic says and smiled lightly.
"Yeah, I am her sister. How could you tell?"
"Besides the pink hair then maybe the blush." He says and I freak out because Sonic had my blush memorized!
"WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN- "
"Haha…" Rosy laughed lightly and then let me go.
Her eyes change bright and sparkly.
"You must be hungry with all of that muscle! Amy! You should cook us some breakfast! You can't leave such. A fine man starving!" Rosy smiled at me.
"Cook?! For what- "
"No, no. Let me. You cooked for me yesterday so… please let me cook." Sonic says and I blush at him still standing there shirtless.
"I don't care if you cook but put a shirt on, walking in my house." I say annoyed.
"Sorry." He says and his tone made me look at him but it was too late because he walked into my room to change and once my door closes Rosy turns me quickly.
"He is so hot!" she whispers and I start to realize even more than family's care about me is about as bipolar as me.
"Yeah. So you can leave now- "
"Leave? I am staying here for you hot boss's breakfast! I have to have a taste!" she says and goes downstairs.
I start to think about how there was so many people invading my space.
Knowing things.
Invading both of my worlds of family and lover.
I didn't like that. I hadn't been in this situation since Shadow… when he met my parents.
Everything always goes wrong.
I start to breathe quickly and I stumble back.
"I can't control this situation. I can't. I can't- "
"Hey? You okay?" Sonic says and I turn around to see that he has clothes on and I blush.
"Yes. I am fine." I lie through my small panic attack that was showing and Sonic stares at me. "What?"
"Nothing…. Nothing." He says and he walks past me and starts going down the stairs and I follow behind but then he stops and I notice that I was close behind him.
"I thought you didn't like your family." He says and I fold my arms.
"They… are tolerable sometimes." I murmur and I stepped closer because I wanted him to walk but he still didn't move.
"Can we still talk. I thought about you when I was showering and…" Sonic stopped talking and I blushed.
"WHY WAS HE THINKING ABOUT ME IN THE SHOWER?"
"Not like that… Sorry. That came out wrong but I haven't been able to talk to you about the second-choice thing. You haven't said much about it and we didn't talk about it last night… you kind of just stopped wanting to talk about it."
Sonic eyes were sympathetic and I hated every look of it.
I didn't need his sympathy.
"We don't have to talk about it- "
"But I want too!" Sonic enforces and walks closer to me. "You do so much for me and I want to do better by you. You didn't have to let me in and let me sleep in your bed but you did because you care so, please let me show you the same."
"How do I even know that this is true… I never asked for him to want to be nice to nice me."
"You don't have to be nice to me because you don't have your wife." I say and try to walk past him but he touches my arm pulls me back.
"It isn't about her." He says looking me in my eye and the feeling of his warming hands made me feel…how he used to make me feel.
Protected and wanted.
I rip his fingers from my arm and I get in his face this time.
"Don't touch me." I brush pass his arm and I walk down the stairs and I see Rosy looking through my living room and she grabbed my secret weed box.
"Amy you have a lot of weird things in here- "
I snatch the box from her hands and I take multiple steps back.
"Sorry… I was just- "
"Both of you listen right now!" I yell and I was starting to get very heated.
"Both of them are invading my space! Finding out everything about me and then more! I never wanted this! I'm falling back into how I used to be."
"Stop going through my things and quit trying to see if something is wrong with me because it isn't!" I yell and I walk backwards to my door. "When did the both of you decide to care about me all the sudden!?"
I yell "Just stop!"
I was breathing quickly and they both stood there.
"Okay?!"
"Y-yeah."
"Okay. Okay Amy… Jeez." Rosy says and I nod my head.
"Okay! So, Sonic! Please go cook breakfast so my sister can be on her way!" I yell and I walk upstairs to put the box away so no one would find it and then once I came back downstairs, Sonic had started cooking and my sister was watching him cook from the bar.
"Yeah… I don't know how you deal with her. She is so fussy." Rosy smiles.
I enter the room and once Rosy saw me, she smiled and stood up.
"I'm so sorry for going through your things." She hugs me and I let her because I was starting to lose multiple braincells with them here.
"It's fine. Just please shut the fuck up about anything that has to deal with me." I drag out and then I look at Sonic who was looking at me.
"Seems like some of us just care about you, Ames." Rosy adds in as she saw Sonic look at me and then she pats my head. "We apologized! Quit acting angry when we both know you love company!"
"I wasn't acting- "
"So Sonic! What are you making?" Rosy sounded a bit too happy as I sat on the seat next to her and we both watch Sonic cook and then he starts to put seasonings on it making my kitchen smell amazing.
"Well, for some reason Amy bought groceries so I can make something pretty surprising." He says and he brings over a single plate and places it in front of me.
"Homemade French toast with a soft fried egg on the side and tomatoes. Your sister is always eating tomatoes so I thought it would be a great thank you to her for letting me stay here." Sonic smiled sadly and then placed a fork on my plate.
"Aw, that's sweet." Rosy adds in and once Sonic turned away, she gaped her mouth opened and scooted closer to me.
"Wow! He is so nice!" She whispers and I roll my eyes and stab my French toast angrily.
"He is very toxic." I say loud enough for him to hear and my sister because I did not give a damn.
"Don't say that!" Rosy flicks my head and I bite into the amazing French toast.
Sonic walks over with Rosy's plate and she thanks him and eats, falling love with the food.
"It's so good!" she compliments and Sonic smiles and looks at me.
"Thanks Rosy- "
"Where is your food?" I ask.
"I'm not really hungry." Sonic says.
"Sonic you have to eat!" I yell at him and he shrugs his shoulders and walks off to sit at the table and I get up.
"Sonic- "
"I want to talk to you!" he yells and I freeze. "Seriously. I am sorry Amy's sister but could I have some time to speak to her?"
"Uh- Sure! I was leaving anyway! I got the breakfast so I will be on my way!" Rosy stands and she scrurries to me. "Love you! I'll be back soon!" she kisses my cheek and then leaves my house.
Once the door shuts, Sonic runs his hands through his hair and then stands.
"Fuck, I don't want to talk about my feelings."
"Let's just talk. That's it." He says and I nod my head and sit down at the table and he sits down too.
"Tell me… how you felt about being second choice."
"Why…"
"I want to know. You cried last time you said it so now… I want you to express that too me."
I stared Sonic right in his eyes and I turn my head towards the window. Trying to hold my feeling back but my heart was saying 'tell him'.
"I liked you…. That's it."
"That's not all it. It can't be."
"What else do you want it to be?" I ask. "Do you want me to yell at you? Give you some kind of clarity so you can think you have a chance to fix our relationship."
"Yeah…" he says and I look in his eyes.
"I didn't let you stay here to fix any of that."
"Then why did you?" he asks and I look around for answers.
"B-Because I care about you obviously and- "
"I do too." He says. "I didn't know it was still affecting you and if I would have known I would have had this conversation with you sooner. I didn't want to leave you Amy, but you completely shut down. You shut me out of your world so it was hard to read you. "
I tried to hold myself together but he was right. I was hurting so bad after that. More than I knew.
"I can tell that you hide your feelings. Even from your sister. That's understandable but I thought me and you had a connection to where we told each other everything. I'm not expecting you to tell me anything but what I do want to know is… how you felt at that time. I don't want to use you any longer… or do bad onto anyone anymore." Sonic says.
The kitchen runs in silence and all it is, is my brain thoughts and Sonic eyes begging me to speak.
My mouth opens and then it closes fast because I almost let something go.
"It's okay. You can tell me." Sonic softly and I grip my hands under the table.
"I… I…I didn't want to break things with you. But… you could be happier. With her. Then why would I stop you from that." I whisper and my heart starts to burn. "I… wanted you to be happy. That's it. Did I want to let us go? … No. But I wanted you to smile and be happy with your family. That's it. I can bare the pain with being alone, now. Or being chosen second. That's what I have always been. No matter what."
The room grew silent and my mouth quivered as I covered it.
I always cried when I shared my feelings.
"That's it. Okay? So please stop asking me. My feelings don't matter in this situation." I say and I wipe my face before a tear fell but more were falling.
"I just wanted you to be happy."
I sniff my nose and I avoid eye contact with him.
Sonic seat scooted across the floor and I look at him and he approaches me.
"Don't!" I move my arms out to stop him but he didn't stop moving closer.
"No…. just let me." He says and my eyes leak with tears as he brings in me close again.
"Sonic, stop…" I say in tears and he brings me even closer as I get on my tippy toes from being hugged tightly.
This hug didn't even feel like the others ones he ever gave me.
This one hurt.
"I want to apologize for hurting you." He says and his hand rubbed my back. "I didn't know- "
I shove him away and he stumbles back.
"Shut up!" I point in his face. "You really made me believe that you were going to be with me!"
Sonic frowned as I yelled him . "I told you everything about me! Everything and I don't obviously tell people about me but you… I told you everything because you treated me like a princess!"
My head was hurting from crying and yelling but I kept on going.
"You looked at me… right after having sex with me and told me that you were going to leave your lover for me!" I yell and I was starting to feeling like an idiot.
But love always makes me feel like that.
"I'd do anything for you! Don't you see that? Didn't I show you that and I was still not enough! I used to…t-t-to see you and day dream about being with you in public! I started to tell my friends about you only to find out that you were always thinking about Sally!" My heart broke in pieces after I said that and I wipe my eyes again.
"Can't you see what I can bring… I always told you I would give you all of me… but you couldn't leave her for me." I whisper and then I lean on the wall.
"I'm just so in love you Sonic. And you would never know."
…
I slide to the floor and my head was hurting. My face was cold from tears and my head hurt from expressing my feelings. My heart felt stiff now that I said everything that was needed.
"When was I ever going to be someone's favorite?"
Soon I see Sonic feet move in front of me and he kneeled and sat down in front of me.
I started at my crossed legs and I wait for him to say something.
"Can you look at me for one moment?" he asks nicely and I moved my heavy eyes to his.
"You love me?"
…
I did say that out loud, didn't I?
Sonic waited for me to speak and I stood up fast but he grabbed my pants leg.
"It's okay if you do!" he says and I blushed and kicked my leg away.
"No! I don't remember saying that!" I and he jumped up.
"Amy, just wait!" he says and tried to grab me but I moved away. "You love me? For how long?"
He asks and I ran upstairs with him tailing me and then I luckily slam the door and lock it.
"Amy!" he knocks on the door and I back away from it.
"I did not just say that!"
Sonic continued to knock on the door and I let him.
I turned my lights off and slid under the bed to hide myself from the world for a moment. The world was treating me different and I was saying things… I meant to keep to myself.
Hour later.
I open my eyes and I turn around to look at the door and I realized the knocking had stopped. I look at the ceiling lazily and then I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. I take it out and another message gets sent to me.
5:15pm: "Sheesh… I hope you cooked the beef right. You haven't texted me back so I hope you are still alive and didn't poison yourself. Lol"
5:20pm: "That was a joke btw. I just realized that I just met you and probably shouldn't be joking like that about your cooking skills."
5:40pm: "Hm. Okay you didn't block me, did you?"
All these messages were from Tai and I text him back.
"The spaghetti was good. We ate all of it. No leftovers. And Sorry for not responding. I've been going through it." I say and place my phone my chest and close my eyes for a minute and the it vibrates again.
"I see… is your 'friend' being difficult?"
I sigh heavily and text him back again.
"Yeah."
"You know what tastes good with difficult people? That slow cooked mac and cheese I didn't make yet because I want you to try it… well its cooking rn if you wanted to stop by? Maybe you can dress nice and I could too and I can go buy some wine… Wine actually goes perfect, dealing with difficult people : )"
I stare at his message for a moment and I look at the door of my bedroom and then I stand up.
"Sure. Send me the addy." I text back and he sends his address with sparkles around it making me laugh and I place my phone down and walk to my closet.
The first thing that hits my eye is a cream-colored shirt that has a small tie in the front and then some light green tight flared pants.
I place my clothes on the bed and I go take quick shower before putting it on. I walk out of the bathroom and I stare at my clothes.
"It feels slightly weird to go on a date while he is here. Am I doing the right thing- "
My phone vibrates and I pick up.
"I hope I look as good as the slow cook!" He sent me a picture of the slow cook mac and cheese but then also himself on the side of it…
Smiling cutely.
Ah. He is so tall.
And lovely.
"Yeah. I am doing the right thing." I start putting my clothes on and some sandals. I also add some light make up too, throwing my hair up in a cute ponytail. I look at myself in the mirror before going and then once I stepped out… I peeked around the corner carefully.
And then I walk down the stairs and I suddenly hear footsteps too from the bottom.
He watches me walk down and tries to keep his eyes to mine and I grab my keys with my purse.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
I close the door after leaving and lock it and I continue my awkward stride to the car because I knew he was watching me from the window. I get in and I drive straight to Tai's house.
He lived in…a loud part of town. Downtown.
Also, his house was 30 mins away from the grocery store we met at.
"Why did he drive that far?"
I watch a couple with their strollers walk by and they smile at me and I do the same but then I look at my phone and double check the address.
"I guess this is it."
Tai lived in an apartment, it was white on the outside and the cars were parked on the street like me and notice that he had an apartment number next to his and I ring on the doorbell. I stand back slightly but then it opens as soon as I do so.
"Hey!" Tai beams in happiness and I feel my face run hot as I look at his outfit in person.
"Who knew someone could look so nice in brown."
"I hope the drive wasn't that bad. You…" his eyes move down to my outfit quickly and he blushes and holds the door open for me wider. "You look beautiful."
"Thanks… you do too. "
"I look beautiful?" he jokes already and I walk into his place and I smile.
"Yeah." I say and turn to him and he blushes again.
"You sound like my grandmother." He says and I laugh.
"Your grandma calls you beautiful?" I ask and he smiles.
"She does. Because I have my grandfather's height and then I do resemble after her too." He says.
"Oh? Maybe I should be talking to your grandmother instead?" I tease and he shrugs his shoulders.
"If you can speak to the dead, then sure." He says and I stop laughing.
"I- I am sorry- "
"No! I was kidding! She is fully alive! I just got done talking to her a while ago." Tai laughs. "Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't joke like that yet."
"Oh my chaos…. That was not funny!" I laugh anyway and he smiles and then walks around me.
"But you are laughing so it must be." He says and then he extends his hand out and I look around his apartment.
"This is my place. Very chill relaxed. Normal apartment." He says but it wasn't normal.
It was decorated very nicely. He had browns and golds. Even some plants that walked over to quickly.
"You have Monstera?! I didn't know they could grow so tall!" I touch the petal and smile softly.
"I do! You like plants?" he asks and approaches behind me.
"Yes! I have a small nursery at my home and I have a Monstera but not this tall!" I admire its healthy stature and then I turn to Tai.
"Heh, you are so cute." He says and I redden as he just smiles and looks at me. "Let's go eat. I know you can smell the goodness."
He offers me his hand and I take it and I still look around his apartment and then I hear music, causing me to face forward.
"I tried to make this as romantic as possible." He says and I laugh.
"No…No… It's- "
I was cut off guard by the smell of more than macaroni but something else he made. Steak. Mashed potatoes. And Macaroni."
Placed perfectly near a vase of Roses with a bottle of wine beside it. There was also music playing gently from the kitchen and I stand astonished.
"I hope everything looks okay. I went back to the store to cook you some more things to go with the mac and cheese." He says and looking at his work and then noticed that I had not said anything. "You okay?"
"Y-Yeah… Just caught off guard." I say and he laughs and pulls a seat back for me to sit in.
"No one ever cook for you before?" he pushes me closer to the table and I look at my plate.
"Not like this… This is stuff you do on the 6-month anniversary." I say and he grins.
"This is nothing compared to what I do on 6th month anniversary." He says and pours me some wine before sitting Infront of me.
"What do you do on the 6th month?" I ask and he shrugs his shoulders.
"You are just going to have to find out." He laughed again and his laugh addictive because I was starting to laugh after every sentence he said.
"Wow. Tease." I sneer and he shrugs his shoulders and places his elbow on the table.
"Me a tease? Never. Never. But you on the other hand. I was waiting for you to text me all day." He says and pours him some wine and I already start laughing.
"I was like' I just met the most gorgeous girl ever. She was nice and funny… kind of a smart ass but sweet with it. And she doesn't go to the grocery store a lot. So different and unique' and she will not text me back" he acts out.
"Well, I am here to make up for lost time."
"I'm glad and we can do it over dinner." He says and then he points to my plate. "Now first. I was a culinary student so I need to see your reaction when you try all of my food."
"You were a culinary student? Wow. Where- "
"Aht. Aht. Questions after. Eat." He says and I close my lips.
I laugh and grab my fork and stab into the mac and cheese. I bite into it and… oh shit.
This is so good.
"Wow…" I take another bite and close my eyes. "It's perfection."
"Yes!" he claps his hands and then grabs my steak knife and my fork. "Now, this you have to have. I'll cut it for you."
He cuts it in slices and then hands me my utensils and I take a bite out of the juicy steak. It was sweet but mainly flavorful with Garlic and butter.
"Tai… what the- "
"AHT! The mashed potatoes next."
I scoop some into my spoon and I eat it as well. Trying to comprehend all the flavors I had tasted.
"SO now tell me what you think?" Tai waits and I was shocked from words.
"It's amazing… seriously. I never would have guessed you were in culinary school."
"I went for two years and then I was a chef for a lot of private businesses and stuff of the matter and now I am working at a very expensive restaurant down the street. It's nice and it pays."
"Wow. Very impressive." I say and I take another bite and moan in satisfaction. "It's so good."
"Thank you." He says and starts to eat too. "Hopefully, this makes me a lot better than your difficult friend."
I pause for a second and laugh. "Yeah, it does."
"Great then let's keep this going in the right direction." He raises his glasses and I grab my slowly, clinking it with the tall wolf before me.
After eating.
"Basically, my love life is a scam and I am so tired of starting over." I say and lean back on the balcony with Tai listening carefully.
"I can't blame you. The ending of these situations always end out pretty tough. I'm still somewhat friends with my ex but we don't keep in touch." He says.
"Good for you. All my exes suck."
"That's a good thing!" he says and I start to smile.
"Why is that a good thing, Tai?"
"Oh, I like how you say my name when you know I am about to say something to make you laugh." He jokes and I laugh anyway but then he places his cup on the table. "It's a good thing because I know that I have your best first date with someone on lock."
"You do. You do." I say and I put my drink as well because I was starting to feel slightly warm.
"You want a refill?"
"No… I don't want to get too tipsy. I can sort of feel it." I turn and face and street of cars going by and I spot my car.
"I am too. I didn't expect it to creep on me so fast." He says and moves closer me and his arm rubs on my shoulder.
I turn my head to his and he was already looking at me. His eyes moved my eyes, my face and then to my lips and that's when his face burned up.
"Uh…" he leans up and I start smile. "Do you want to… sit inside?" he asks randomly and I turn around from the balcony.
"Did you want to kiss me?"
Tai flushed red and tried to find his words and I watch his cute behavior.
"Was it obvious? I didn't know if you kissed on the first day or if it was too soon." He says fast, slightly looking at me but then around me too.
I approach him and he was tall so I had to touch his soft face.
"You can kiss me." I say and he looks down at me and then bends down to me.
I press my lips against his and then he did the same. We gave each other a small peck and I laughed after kissing him because he was smiling and he laughed too.
"Who made you so confident like that?" he asks and I shrug my shoulders.
"It's just me. Plus, I wanted to kiss you too so I just asked what I saw."
"Mmhmm. So, you are saying I am a simp now."
"HAHA! I am not! You were blushing and I know when someone wants to kiss me or something of the sort." I joke and he laughs.
"How are you still single again?" he asks and shrug my shoulders but I knew the true reason.
"I'm always the second choice." Saying that phrases was starting not to hurt anymore but it did make Tai more curious.
"Second choice? Like someone finds someone better than you?" he asks.
"Yeah… or I get cheated on. One of the two." I say.
"What kind of guys are you into?" he jokes and I laugh a little and start thinking to myself.
"I don't know. It's like people show me their 'real selves' but it isn't them. And then I get cheated on. Betrayed and then I'm back to square one." I say and grab my wine glass.
"Is your 'friend' the one making you sound like that?" he asks and I drink my wine all up.
"It doesn't matter. I don't really feel like talking about it." I say and he nods his head.
"Can I tell you about my ex?" he says and I nod my head.
"Cool. I dated this girl. Three years. That's the longest I had ever dated anyone. So don't worry. Your luck with love is not one-sided… Me and her dated for a while. It was cute. We had matching clothes. Matching necklaces. Shit, I even gave her a debit card and more things that 'love' makes you do for someone and then one day. She completely falls out of love with me. But slowly." He says and that catches my attention.
"She didn't want to match anymore… she didn't want to go on vacation… eat out… cuddle… none of that. And it's all because she said she wasn't in love with me. Or she was confused." Tai explains and shrugs. "It still makes no sense to me. But we broke up because she wanted to… understand herself and I let her go. It hurt a lot and I don't think I talked to anyone until a year from now because I was still thinking she was going to come back. But she never did. Now she is just single. Like me. Doing whatever she needs to do to understand herself."
"What does that mean… 'find herself''" I ask and he laughs.
"I don't know. She texts me sometimes to see how I am doing and stuff but that's really it."
"Did you love her…like…" I try to get more out of this situation because his story was different.
"I did. I was actually going to marry her but uh… she said that so I didn't get to do that." He says and I nod my head.
"I'm sorry that happened to you."
"Hey. Shit happens so other opportunities can open." He says and smiles at me. "Now that I told my depressing story, lets here about this 'difficult friend'."
"Oh no. I can't. Mine might make you dislike me." I say.
"Nothing could make me dislike you. Unless you killed someone." He says.
"Haha. Not yet." I say as I think about Sonic in my apartment and then Tai clears his throat.
Waiting for me to tell.
"Fine. I will make it short." I look off into the sunset sky and groan.
"My ex…. Is my boss… who was married at the time. But now he isn't because his wife cheated. And now I have him at my apartment after him breaking up with me, trying to get his life together. Am I trash? Probably but I was lonely and then I liked him… and I…" I froze and blinked my feelings away. "That's it."
Tai scratched his head and then leaned on the wall. "You had sex with someone's husband and your boss?"
"Yes. I told you I am trash." I complain and he nods his head.
"How long?"
"A very long while."
I say and I keep my eyes from him.
"Hm…. You love him?"
Tai asked that and I looked at him.
"Oh. So, you do?"
"N-No!" I stutter and he laughs.
"It's okay if you do. I still love my ex- "
"I don't love him." I say and turn away.
Tai walks closer and stands near me and then leans on the rail. "I can tell you do. I know the voice. I have the same one when I talk about her sometimes. It hurts. Or it's hard to get the story out." He says and I slowly look at him. "It's okay if you do. I will not tell." He rubs my shoulder.
"Thanks…" I say softly and then he laughs.
"If you love him then why are you here with me?" he asks and I blush.
"Well- he isn't my boyfriend! And second, I'm not about to let someone who chose my second, decide who I can talk to who I can't. I wanted to come here because you are very nice and I might have a small crush on you but still! I am not stopping my life because someone can't decide if they want me or not."
"Same here." He says and I watch him smile but then he looks at me again.
I stare at him and then he brings his arm around me.
"Let's make a deal." He says and I listen. "You go home. Talk to him about your feelings and see how it goes. I will do the same with my ex. I kind of lied. She texts me a lot more now but we should both see what happens." He smooths my hair back. "Maybe we need to help the ones we love find themselves so they can find us."
I listen to him and he laughs. "And if all fails then we have each other. Plus, if your guy doesn't clean up his act then I am sure I would not have a struggle with having you in my pocket." He says and I laugh but then I stop.
"I don't want to agree to that bet." I say and he scoffs.
"Why not? We both seem a little toxic sometimes. They might just need some good sex or something."
"I'm not fucking him." I state and Tai laughs loudly.
"That's fine! You don't have too. I can do that for him." He says and I roll my eyes.
"But after you see if your ex still wants you."
"And after to see if yours does too." He adds and I look around his face. "We can be friends. See what it turns too after… I think we are both still confused but very sure of our feelings. Let's just go help them… and then you can text me later and I can teach you how to make homemade cinnamon rolls."
"Hmmm…. Make it your macaroni and cheese recipe too and we have a deal."
"Bet."
After the date
I yawn after coming back and unlock my door. As I unlock it, I hear…yelling?
I push open my door fast and I look around for the yelling voice.
"I know I called you a lot of times but I wanted to talk!" Sonic voice sounded broken and I walk in carefully to my living room. "I get that but… Sally we built us up so far! Why do you just want to let it go…? I told you that I would forgive you- "
I could hear Sally's angry voice in the background of his phone and Sonic rubbed his face stressfully and bit his lips.
"No! no! Sally- I..." Sonic removed his phone from his face and looked at it. He dropped his phone from his hand and sniffed his nose. He stood up and put his shoes on facing away from me but when he did turn around, he froze.
Sonic face was wet with tears and he wiped them off fast.
"I didn't know you were back…" he says lowly.
"I just got back." I say and he nods his head but then starts to walk my way but he passes me grabs the door.
"Wait. Where are you going?" I ask and he let the door go and his lips trembled.
"Home…"
"Did… you fix things with Sally. It didn't sound like it."
"No, I didn't and that's why I am going home so I can fix this." He says and a tear falls out and I stop him from going out.
"I don't think you should do that. You aren't thinking rationally because you are upset."
"Amy. I've been thinking like this all day. I need to… do something…" he says and I shake my head.
"I think you should let her go, Sonic trying to get her back isn't what is best for you- "
"Then what am I going to do?!" He yells. "The l-l-love of my life just told me to give her the address of the location I am at so I can get the divorce papers mailed to me! I don't want to divorce her! I don't want to be alone… I…" Sonic cried and I sigh.
What Tai says runs through my mind and I touch his arm.
"I understand that but look at what you are doing… You are going back to someone who completely… does not want to be with you. I don't think- "
"You don't know that!" he moves my hand away and I stand shocked.
I step back gently because… he had never pushed me away. My feelings for him were just causing me more pain at this moment.
"I… I didn't mean to do that." He says and I nod my head.
"I know you didn't." I say softly and I continue to push away my thoughts of him still not wanting me…like how I wanted him.
"I still think. You shouldn't go. If she wants an address to send it then give her your mom's. I think she is done Sonic. And you need to be too."
Sonic eyes fell and refilled with tears and he starts to cry again.
I walk closer and I try to touch him again. I touch her shoulder and pull him away from the door and lock it.
"Come on. Let's go." I push him away from the door and to the stairs while he took his shoes off.
Sonic walked up the stairs defeated while my heart was still burning in the inside. Sonic got in my bed and I watched him do so.
He pulled the sheets over his head and was probably crying softly. Not that I could see anymore.
I change clothes, putting on my big pink t-shirt and some sweatpants and then I came back and grabbed my weed box. I start to roll up a blunt and I light it first, taking a big inhale and then I tap his shoulder.
"Here. It helps get through heart break sometimes." I say and he turns over and takes it.
Sonic takes a big hit and then another and passes it back to me.
I take one myself and that hurt I was feeling was starting to disappear but it did linger.
"Sorry for pushing you." He says and he wasn't crying anymore but he was sad.
"Not the worst you have done to me." I joke and he smiles a bit but then it drops.
We sat in silence and I pass the blunt back to him while leaning my head on the side of the bed since I was on the floor and he grabs my wrist instead. My head whips up and he gets off the bed and gets on top of me.
"Sonic what are you doing!" I ask and flinch because his face moved close to mine but then nothing happened to me. I open my eyes and he was looking at my face.
"What's the worst I have done to you?"
His question brings me back to life and he was holding my wrist down and over my body while I laid on the floor.
"What? Sonic, you don't need to but on top off me to ask-"
Sonic kissed me.
My eyes instantly broke into tears as he did so and then he leaned back slowly.
He looked at my face and I drop my blunt that was in between my fingers. He wipes my tears and places the blunt back in the container and I start crying even more.
"Why would you do t-that." I gasp out and he leans down and hugs me again.
This time this hug made me sad so I tried to move my legs at least so I could get away but he was holding me tightly.
"I'm sorry, Amy. I am so sorry." He says and I nod my head.
"Okay… I forgive you. I don't care about it. Just let go because… you d-don't like me don't- "
Sonic kisses me again and I mumble against his lips and when he released it, I was crying even more because of what he said after.
"I do… like you. A lot. A lot." He says and I frown again. "Don't you believe me-
"I do believe you! But I told you I don't want to fix us!" I say with my eyes closed and his grip loosens on my wrist. "Please get off of me."
Sonic did so and I scoot back and fix my hair. I grab my weed box and walk out the room. Slamming it and then I stomp down stairs.
"I listened to you Tai! And now the stupid asshole kissed me!" I think in my head and I had completely lost my high. I blow my nose in the kitchen and then I finish the rest of my blunt and lay down on my couch.
"This isn't about me. This isn't about us trying to get back together! I just… want you to be happy. Without me."