A/N: *Trigger Warning* This chapter mentions pregnancy loss/miscarriage.

five

I scrolled idly through my phone, glancing over a handful of various emails. My thumb paused over one - a shipping notification from a specialty boutique, for an order I didn't place. I tapped on it, expanding it to full screen, and scrolled down.

AliceC, the first line read, thank you for your recent order. I rolled my eyes, scrolling farther, and choked as I saw the items she'd ordered. I took a screenshot and texted it to her.

Absolutely not, I said, and she replied seconds later with an exuberantly grinning emoji.

Alice, I texted.

You might need them, she said, followed by a winky face.

I definitely will not -

"Hey lazybones!"

I jumped at the pounding at my door, yanking the blankets up to my chin and sending my phone flying as it burst open, Jacob flashing me a saucy grin as he bounded in and threw himself unceremoniously onto the bed next to me.

"Damn," he said, propping himself up on an elbow. "Thought maybe I'd catch you off guard."

I laughed in spite of myself, feeling my face flush as I snaked an arm out from under the covers and shoved at his shoulder. "You did catch me off guard. What are you doing, you creeper?"

He grinned, entirely unrepentant as he fell back against the mattress. "I distinctly remember you telling me you wouldn't call me that anymore." He frowned suddenly, his hand slipping behind his neck, and I felt my face burn even hotter as he pulled my phone from underneath him, the conversation with Alice still up on the screen.

"Wait!" I pushed myself up, the blankets falling away, and reached for it, but he was quicker than me, his thumb scrolling up through the conversation.

"What is this?" he asked mildly, and then I felt him stiffen. He tapped on the screenshot, enlarging it, and I fell back against the pillow with a defeated sigh, my hands coming up to cover my heated face.

He shifted, and I peeked out from between my fingers to look at him. He propped himself back up, one eyebrow edging up as he struggled to hold back a grin.

"These are nice," he said, and I groaned, yanking the blanket back up over my face. "Especially that green one. That's - that one's something."

He chuckled, and I wasn't sure whether I should be more mortified or amused.

"Hey!" Paul thundered from the den, "None of that stuff going on while my daughters are present, you freaks!"

A rhythmic thumping echoed through the room, and I ripped the blanket back down to see Jake nudging his foot into the side of the dresser at the end of the bed, lifting it up and letting it drop back down repeatedly. I widened my eyes incredulously, and let out a choked laugh.

"Make up your mind, asshole!" he yelled back, grinning. "Yesterday you were the one telling us to get a room!"

"Quit it!" I hissed, smacking him across the chest, even as I smothered my own laughter. He snorted, his shoulders shaking with mirth as he dropped his head down onto my shoulder, a hand coming up to rub at his sternum.

Rachel poked her head tentatively into the room, and I shoved Jacob off of me, pushing myself up and glancing down to make sure I was at least halfway decent.

"Jacob," she said, rolling her eyes at the two of us. "Let the poor girl get dressed. She hasn't even had a cup of coffee yet."

Jake pushed himself up, letting his legs fall over the side of the bed as he rolled his eyes right back. "Duh," he said. "That's why I came so early. She can't go for a run with coffee sloshing around in her stomach."

"Run?" I asked, eyeing his clothes warily - a pair of old athletic shorts, a t-shirt with the arms cut out, and a ratty pair of tennis shoes. I wondered, briefly, if he meant hunt, but I hadn't done that for years. I'd taken bagged animal blood for a while, and then transitioned over to raw organ meat, which was what I still used, blended up into smoothies, when I felt the need. His outfit, though, seemed to lend itself to actual running.

He cocked an eyebrow at me, his expression amused. "Yes, run," he said slowly, and then pumped his arms and legs, miming the action.

I squinted at him. "Do you do that?"

"I do," he confirmed, grinning.

"Since when?"

He rolled his eyes, shoving himself up off of the bed, and I grinned - until he began digging through my clothes, tossing me a tank top, a pair of leggings -

"Alright," I said, hopping up and shoving the drawer shut before he could make it any farther. "I've been dressing myself for a while now, thanks."

He smirked, his eyes flickering over to where my phone lay on the bed. "Obviously not."

I turned him around, shoving him toward the door, pointedly ignoring that. "You have to leave so I can change."

He narrowed his eyes, cocking his head to the side. "Do I?"

"Yes," I said, smiling sweetly. "You do."

He laughed as I shut the door smartly in his face.

It was warm, but too early to be hot, the breeze still cool and the last bits of humidity still clinging stubbornly to the air. We ran a loop around the reservation, our feet pounding the pavement in tandem until one of us would get the idea to pull ahead of the other and we would race until we were side by side once more.

The sweat glistened across Jacob's forehead and down his neck, and I could feel it rolling between my shoulder blades as well, but our breathing stayed measured and steady, even as I lost count of the miles we ran. Physical exertion was something I knew he enjoyed - he liked to work hard and sweat, he liked the pull and strain of his body that told him he'd pushed himself to his limits - and while I didn't find the same particular enjoyment in it that he did, I liked being with him, doing something together that I knew he liked.

By the time we made it back to the house, the weak sun was high in the sky. Paul stood in the driveway, spraying off the truck with a garden hose, while Maddie raced her tricycle to the street and back, Rachel and Billy observing from the front porch with their coffee. Jacob slowed to a jog and swooped in, plucking Maddie up into his arms and rubbing his sweaty face all over her as she shrieked.

I wrinkled my nose, hopping up the front steps and accepting a mug from Rachel as I dropped down into the seat next to her. "Gross."

Rachel shook her head, mouth twisted up in a grimace. "He's still, like, ten years old."

"You don't have any room to talk with Paul," Billy pointed out, tipping his chin towards the man in question as he made fart noises while Jacob pushed on Maddie's stomach, the three of them roaring with laughter.

Rachel snorted, pushing herself to her feet as Makenna began crying from somewhere in the house. "You've got a point there," she tossed back over her shoulder as she went to check on the baby.

Billy and I watched in amused silence for a few moments longer, and then he turned to me, reaching out to pat my hand, a familiar gesture filled with affection. "That's sure some bike you found," he said, and I grinned. "You're awfully good to him."

Something in my chest squeezed painfully at his words, at their implication - Jacob didn't have many people in his life that made a point to sacrifice and pour into him as much as he sacrificed and poured into others. I watched him as he made his way up the front walk, Maddie perched on his shoulders.

"He's a good man," I said, smiling over at Billy. "He deserves good things from others, too."

Jacob dropped down into the chair next to me that Rachel had vacated, Maddie's grin matching his own as she rested her chin on top of his head. He stretched an arm across the back of my chair, leaning forward to press a kiss to my cheek, and steal a swig of my coffee, grimacing at the absurd amount of creamer, and I glanced back over at Billy, who was watching it all in contented silence, a smile playing around the corners of his lips.

"He does," he echoed in confirmation as I leaned back against Jacob's chest.

"You guys are worse than a Hallmark movie, you know that?" Paul teased, dropping down onto the porch steps in front of us. Maddie squirmed, wriggling her way off of Jacob's shoulders to climb up in her father's lap. He gave her a warm smile before dropping his head down to blow a raspberry into her neck.

"Paul's one to talk," Jake said, stretching his legs out in front of him. "You shoulda seen the emails he used to send Rach." He pretended to gag himself with a finger, and Paul took a punch at his side. "He couldn't even write them down on actual paper, they were so soppy. Woulda soaked right through." He pitched his voice up an octave, and fluttered his eyelashes. "Oh baby, I can't wait 'til I can hold you in my arms again and kiss your perfect lips! Baby, when I'm with you, nothing else - ow!" He broke off with a laugh, reaching up to rub at the back of his head. Rachel scootched behind him, shooting him a glare as she levered herself up onto the porch railing, her feet dangling above the ground, Makenna apparently soothed back to sleep inside.

"How do you know that stuff?" Paul demanded, setting Maddie on her feet so that he could twist back to glare at Jacob as Billy and I snickered. He swung around to Rachel. "How does he know that stuff?"

She shrugged as Jacob laughed, landing a kick right above Paul's kidney. "Relax, you idiot. You used to come over and do your homework on my computer, and leave your Yahoo account logged in. I wasn't some master hacker or something."

Paul let out an irritated huff as he pushed himself to his feet, stalking back towards the driveway and muttering something about "no damn privacy".

Rachel leveled Jacob with a half-hearted glare, holding her hand out to Maddie as she slid down to her feet. "C'mon, you," she said as her daughter happily latched onto her hand. "Let's go get started on lunch."

Billy rolled back, twisting his chair around to follow them as they headed into the house. "Somebody's gotta supervise," he muttered. "Otherwise, I'll end up with vegetables on my plate."

"If you're not careful, you end up with nothing but vegetables on your plate!" Rachel called over her shoulder, and Billy widened his eyes at us in mock despair before wheeling off after them, chuckling as he went.

Jacob hopped up also, taking my mug. "Be right back."

"You better put creamer in there," I warned, eyeing him as he flapped a hand dismissively towards me.

He was back in a handful of seconds, and I peered dubiously down at the mug he handed me. It was an acceptable compromise.

"You don't need me to stick my finger in it?" I asked, cocking an eyebrow at him as I took a sip. He chuckled, his hand finding mine and lifting it to his lips, his teeth scraping playfully over my knuckles before following with kisses. The breath caught in my throat, my eyes trained on the place where his lips lingered against my skin, soothing away the sting. He uncurled my fingers, pressing them against his cheek, and I rubbed them back and forth across the stubble there, blinking when his eyes flickered up to mine.

"Here." I pressed the mug into his hand, my voice coming out raspy. "You should be set."

He grinned, taking a long drink and sighing exaggeratedly in pleasure. I snorted out a laugh at that, as the fingers of his free hand wound into the baby hairs at the base of my neck, rubbing gently there.

We settled into a comfortable silence, staring out across the expansive front yard. Paul had moved on to waxing the truck, music blaring from the little buds tucked in his ears - trying to drown the two of us out, or give us some privacy, I assumed. It was a Saturday morning, and plenty of people were out, walking dogs and riding bikes, visiting neighbors over garden fences, dropping in to see neighbors with cartons of eggs or plates of cookies. Occasionally, someone would call out a greeting, and Jacob would lift a hand, or yell something back. Several people stopped to talk with Paul for a few moments before moving on, none of them seeming to pay me any mind. The short few days I had spent in La Push seemed to have already integrated me into its midst.

The feeling of community permeated the air, and settled around the street like a comfortable old sweater, worn and cozy in all the right places. It was such a stark difference from the life of isolation that my family led - out of necessity, but lonely nonetheless - that I leaned into it, tucking the metaphorical sleeves around my fingers and shrugging it up higher around my shoulders.

"Hey," Jacob said suddenly, his fingers faltering in my hair.

I glanced back at him, an eyebrow raised in silent question. He reached back to rub at the back of his neck, his gaze trained studiously on the now-empty mug on the table in front of us. He cut his eyes over to me, and his sudden hesitance intrigued me. "What?"

"Do you, ah - " He stretched a leg out in front of him, wincing as it knocked into the table leg and set the mug to rattling. "I mean, would you - "

Suddenly, in a burst of intuition, I thought I understood. Humor bubbled up from my chest, and quirked up the corners of my lips. "Are you trying to ask me out on a date?"

"Ah". He squinted, and tilted his head to the side, a nervous tick that unfortunately - or for me, definitely fortunately - revealed the top of one pink-tinged ear.

I grinned, turning in my seat to face him more fully. "Are you nervous? Seriously?"

He scowled, opening his mouth and then closing it again. "I'm not nervous."

"I cannot believe you." I snickered, shaking my head. "You burst through my door this morning without a second thought, when I could've been literally naked, and then steal my phone to look at my lingerie, but you're nervous to ask me out!"

He rolled his eyes, darting a glance towards the street, where an elderly couple was walking by, completely oblivious. "It's not technically your lingerie, 'cause you haven't gotten it yet. And I obviously knew you wouldn't be naked. I wouldn't have come in if that was an actual possibility."

I rolled my eyes back, making a face. "Oh, obviously people are never naked in their bedrooms, silly me."

He flapped a hand at me, shaking his head as if to ward off an annoying fly. "Stop talking about being naked. That's not the point."

"Oh yes," I said, grinning. "Back to the point."

He tipped his head back to look at the ceiling, a self-deprecating chuckle shaking his shoulders. "I can't even handle you right now."

"Here." I turned back around in my chair, facing away from him again, and wiggled, settling myself exaggeratedly. "I'll look away, maybe that'll make you less nervous."

He barked at a laugh at that, his foot knocking into mine deliberately under the table.

"Oh, Jake?" I glanced back over my shoulder, grinning at the expression on his face, half exasperated and half amused. I dropped my voice down to a stage whisper. "Don't worry, I'm gonna say yes." I just caught the beginning of the grin that promised to stretch wide across his face and steal my breath and heart all at once before I made myself turn back around. I felt the air shift behind me as he leaned forward, one arm looping around my waist and dragging me back onto his lap. He kicked his feet up onto my now-empty chair, and I balanced the soles of my shoes on his shins, grinning as his chin settled on my shoulder. I felt a little thrill as I realized the pulse I felt pounding through my chest was his, too, not just mine.

"Can I take you out on a date?"

My grin stretched even wider as he nuzzled into my neck, squirming a little as his breath tickled me. "Well now that we're in this position, I feel obligated to agree."

His chuckle rumbled through me. "Is there another position you'd rather be in?"

"No, sir. Will you let me go Dutch?"

"Absolutely not."

I clicked my tongue. "It was worth a shot."

"You still haven't answered me."

I glanced back at him. "You need an answer?"

His eyes danced as he huffed out a laugh. "I'd sure like one, yes."

I pulled his arms tighter around me, pressing my palm to his forearm, and let the happy little curls of joy flow out through my fingers.

Yes.

He let out a breath I didn't know he'd been holding, and I turned my face to bump his chin playfully with my nose. "I told you I was going to say yes," I murmured, the breath catching in my throat as he pressed a series of kisses from high on my cheekbone, my eyelashes fluttering against his face, all the way down to the very, very outside corner of my lips.

"I know," he said, pulling back and then smiling when I leaned forward after him unconsciously. My cheeks flared, and he ran a finger over one. "But it's still nice to hear."

I watched out the window as Paul and Rachel loaded the girls in the truck to go get ice cream, backing slowly out of the driveway and easing into the street. As soon as they pulled off, my fingers were flying over my phone screen.

My mom answered almost immediately, a wide smile breaking across her face. "Nessie."

I flapped my hand uselessly, widening my eyes at her meaningfully when my dad poked his head into the frame. "Girl talk, girl talk."

"Ah," she said in understanding, her eyes lighting up, and in the next second, she was seated on her bed, the door slamming shut behind her. In the background, I heard the beginning notes of "Symphony of the Planets", and knew that was as good as I would get. "All right. Spill."

"I'm going to dinner." I paced over to my suitcase and flipped it open, poking through its contents with my foot. "Not a dinner dinner, just dinner." I paused. "I think. Dinner in Port Angeles." I tilted my head to the side, thinking. "But we're also getting parts for the bike, so it can't be too much of a dinner if we're going to a parts store, too. But it isn't just burgers at Maggie's either. Does Port Angeles even have a nice dinner place? Or not-nice. Halfway nice." I picked up a shirt, and then tossed it to the side. "What does somebody wear to dinner?"

"Nessie," my mother laughed, and I slumped down on the bed, pouting at her.

"I'm in distress, and you're laughing at me."

"Laughing with, sweetheart, not at. Laugh with me, Nessie."

I gave her a look. "Ha, ha."

"Exactly." Her smile softened and she leaned forward, tucking her hair behind her ear, and for a split second it was too easy to believe that she really was my friend from college, not my mother. I felt a stab of panic, and sucked in a breath. "Breathe, baby," she told me, and she was back to being Mom again.

I blew out a breath obediently, and she nodded, matter of fact. "Now. Start at the beginning, and tell me all about it."

I did, starting at dinner at Charlie's all the way through to this afternoon, right after Jacob left to go grab a shower and just before my panic ensued, skirting around the part about Alice's ill-timed lingerie order.

"Okay," she said once I was done. "You're going to dinner."

"Am I?" I deadpanned.

"You are, yes."

"I am."

"You're going to dinner with Jake."

I squinted at her on the screen of my phone, the obviousness of her statement sounding absurd in my ears. "I believe that's the gist of it, yes."

"No," she emphasized, and then repeated her words slowly. "You're going to dinner with Jake. How many times have you been to dinner with Jake?"

I rolled my eyes, even though, logically, her question made perfect sense. "Yeah, sure, but not this Jake. Not the one that flirts with me and makes my stomach feel all squirmy when I look at him."

She smiled at me gently, her eyes knowing in a way I didn't understand. "Yes, this Jake. He's going to come pick you up, and make you listen to 80's metal on the way there, and shoot his straw wrapper at you in the restaurant, and you're going to laugh so hard your stomach hurts, and somewhere along the way, you're going to realize that this Jacob is the same Jacob he's always been. Trust me."

I let out a breath, the tension in my shoulders finally releasing as the truth of what she was saying finally sunk in. "If he shoots his straw wrapper at me, I'll order cheesecake and make him eat half."

Mom bit her lip to stifle a laugh. "If you do, please send me a picture."

"What do I wear?"

"A sundress."

I shook my head vehemently. The thought of bare legs with Jacob and his wandering firebrand fingers in the car for an hour each way was equal parts exhilarating and terrifying, and I was absolutely not ready for that yet.

"Okay, not a sundress. Jeans and a blouse?"

I thought for a second. "Jeans and a cami." I didn't want the bare legs of the sundress, but I also wasn't moonlighting as a nun. The thought made my cheeks flush, something that did not go unnoticed by my mother.

She lifted an eyebrow elegantly. "Jeans and a cami," she echoed dubiously. "With flats. And a sweater."

"A cardigan, and sandals," I countered. "And big earrings."

"Gold, not silver. It looks much prettier with your hair."

"I only brought gold," I agreed, digging through the dresser to snatch up a gauzy, flowy camisole in a pale green. I held it up for her inspection, and she nodded.

"Perfect. Dark skinny jeans. They'll dress it up a little, in case you do go somewhere halfway nice."

I hummed under my breath, impressed. "Look who's been listening to Alice."

She rolled her eyes. "I try not to, but some of it's bound to rub off."

I laughed, feeling ten pounds lighter than when I'd called her a few minutes ago.

"Nessie," Mom said gently, and I looked down at her. She blinked, and I had a feeling that if she could, she'd be tearing up. "Jacob loves you, you know that, right? He's not going to do anything to hurt you."

The reassurance, even though it was something I already knew, settled my anxious heart even more, and I wished that I could reach through the screen and hug her. She looked like she wished the same.

"You know," I joked weakly, "if you weren't my mom and Jacob wasn't my - Jacob, that would be a very strange thing for a daughter to hear from her mother."

She chuckled, and I pushed myself to my feet, determination putting a spring in my step. I promised to text her later, told her to give my dad a hug for me, and then hung up to go take a shower.

An hour later, when Jacob rang the doorbell, his eyes dipping low to trace the neckline of my cami, I thought, Point for Ness! He tugged on my hand and asked me if I was ready to go yet, even though he was the one five minutes late. He didn't open the door for me, but he did have a styrofoam Ramon's cup with a bunch of Brown-Eyed Susans in the cupholder.

"Brown-Eyed Nessies," he corrected with a goofy grin, tugging on one of my curls, and I felt like I was ten years old again and he was hanging the stars in the sky - but only in the best way.

He swept the hair off my shoulders with his warm fingers and told me I looked beautiful, and then cranked the key in the ignition. When Iron Maiden blared out of the speakers, I grinned, slipping my phone out of my pocket long enough to type out a text to my mom - Fear the Dark, I sent her, knowing she would understand. She sent back a heart emoji, and I powered down my phone.

Mother knows best, indeed.

"Do Japanese people really wear those paper mask things to cover up the snot running down their faces? Bite, please."

I looked at him, stabbing a plastic fork down into the slice of cheesecake in the to-go box balanced on my knees, holding it out for him. "What a strange question," I mused, as he leaned over, wrapping his lips around the fork in my hand and taking his bite. He chewed for a second, and then glanced over at me, grinning.

"That's not an answer."

I laughed, taking my own bite of the dessert. I shifted my feet where they rested on the dash, crossing one ankle over the other. "Well, I don't have an answer. If the masks cover up their snot, then how would I know if it's running down their faces?"

He tilted his head to the side. "Touche. Bite, please."

"Look," I said, grudgingly passing him another forkful. "For somebody who doesn't like cheesecake, you're sure eating a lot of it. The deal was half, and I got my picture already."

I scraped off a little bit of the strawberry topping, and protested when he snatched the fork right out of my hand, licking it off. "That's the best part!"

He winked. "It tastes better when you share."

I wasn't sure if he was talking specifically about the strawberry topping or the cake in general, but I didn't dignify either with a response, scoffing to cover up the beat that my heart skipped.

His grin said he wasn't fooled. "You want me to feed you a piece?"

I felt my face flush. "No, thank you."

He chuckled, handing me back the fork. "Here. Have the rest."

I took a few bites, but he was right - having it all to myself wasn't nearly as satisfying as bickering with him over it and only getting half. Rolling my eyes, I scooped up the last piece - delicious, crumbly graham cracker crust and all - and held it out to him, waving it impatiently when he cocked an eyebrow at me.

He finally took it, catching my wrist and pressing a kiss to the underside of it before I could pull away.

"Thank you for sharing," he murmured against my skin, and honestly, I was a helpless puddle of goo in the seat.

"You're welcome," I answered, a beat too late. He smirked, reaching over to catch my elbow and tugging me bodily over into the center seat.

"This proved to be dangerous last time," I commented mildly, slipping my leg down next to his. I felt his calf flex, and he scooted his heel just a smidge to the left.

"I'll pay more attention this time," he promised, his arm slipping down around my waist. I hummed doubtfully, but didn't argue. His fingers hooked in a belt loop on my side. "Tell me about our bike. You said you found it at the auction house."

I blinked, my attention split between his fingers running idly over the curve of my hip, slipping up briefly to trace a sliver of skin just above my waist band, and the way he said our bike. "Yes," I finally said. "I did."

He huffed out a laugh, pulling his hand away to stretch his arm across the back of the seat, and I was simultaneously disappointed and relieved.

"Did you get any information on it?" he asked, and I found myself much better able to answer.

I shook my head. "They didn't really have anything other than the basics. The last guy who owned it laid it down and decided he didn't want to put the money into it. Quil said I got a good deal on it, though."

He laughed at that. "Well, I'm glad the bike itself was cheap," he said, and I winced at the other half of that statement that he'd left unsaid. I'd seen the total he'd charged to his card at the parts store.

"I told you I would pay."

He quirked an eyebrow, and glanced down at me out of the corner of his eye. "No, thank you."

I turned in my seat, sliding farther away from him so I could look up at his face. "Why not?" I asked, genuinely curious, because he hadn't let me pay for my dinner, either. "Is it some manly pride thing?"

He snorted. "No. Not just that," he amended with a roll of his eyes when I gave him a look. He studied me for a second, lifting a hand to run the backs of his fingers over my cheek. "I just like being able to buy things for you," he said, his look turning pointed. "Even when you don't think I need to, and even when I don't have to, and just because I want to."

I dropped my gaze to my lap, feeling myself flush pleasantly. "It's not technically for me if they're parts for your bike," I pointed out.

I saw his grin flash in the darkness out of the corner of my eye, and then he was pulling me back next to him.

"I promise," he said as I tipped my head against his shoulder, "that if I ever get some wild hair and think you should pay for something, I'll pipe up. Fair?"

I nodded against him. "Fair."

"Am I correct in assuming you'll want to learn how to ride this bike once it's finished?"

I grinned. "Obviously, yes."

His fingers combed through my hair as he chuckled. "It's big. It'll be a handful."

"I think I can handle it."

"Would you wear a helmet for me?"

The absurdity of that request made me snort. "Would it make you feel better if I did?"

"Yes." The simple honesty of his answer caught me by surprise, and I looked up at him. I reached up to run my fingers across the line of his jaw, and smiled.

"Would you wear a helmet for me? A green one, with black lace?"

He threw his head back and laughed at that, reaching up to tangle his fingers with mine. "I'll wear anything you want me to wear," he managed, before we both dissolved into laughter.

His left hand dropped back down into his lap, pulling mine with it, and I scooted closer, settling my back against his chest as his chin came to rest on the top of my head. Briefly, I saw a sign for Forks flash by.

"Don't let Charlie pull you over like this," I murmured, and I felt more than heard his amused snort.

"Charlie won't pull me over," he said confidently. "He knows this car. Besides, he's seen much worse than this."

I twisted my head up to give him a look. "Just how many young ladies are you driving around in the middle of the night?"

He chuckled, his palm slipping up the line of my arm, his head dropping down to nose at the hollow behind my ear. "You know that's not what I meant," he chided gently as he eased the car through the turn that would take us to Billy's. He pressed his lips against my skin, briefly, and I hummed in pleasure.

"I know," I assured him, running my nose along the line of his jaw and breathing him in. I grinned. "You can feel free to remind me any time, though."

Billy's house was dark and quiet when we pulled into the driveway. Someone had left the porch light on for me, but there were no other lights on inside. Jacob put the car in park, and switched off the engine, and the sudden silence was momentarily deafening. I turned to face him and he mirrored me, smiling briefly as our knees knocked together on the seat. I picked up his hand, tracing my fingers gently over the lines of his palm, feeling a slight tremor roll under his skin.

I glanced up at him from under my lashes to find him already watching me, his eyes dark and serious, expression unreadable. He shifted, just slightly, a shaft of light from the porch coming to rest across his face, and I watched as his pupils contracted and then dilated again, letting my gaze trace languidly over the strong lines of his face. He had always been handsome, I'd always known that - but I knew what I was feeling now, this heady, slow throbbing through my veins, was attraction, the attraction of a woman to a man.

I lifted my fingers and let them rest, ever so gently against his face. He had shaved, and the skin there was smooth, not rough with stubble the way it had been this morning.

He swallowed thickly, the muscles working in his throat, and that single reaction was enough to bolster my confidence.

"Is this the part of the date where we make out in the car?"

One corner of his lips ticked up, and his eyes darkened, that ring of chocolate brown swallowed up with black. His hand came up to the back of my neck, not pulling me closer or pushing me away, but just holding me there, his thumb tracing lightly over my bottom lip. It took everything in me to keep my tongue in my mouth, to not let it flick out over his skin, the sudden impulse almost startling in its intensity.

"Is that what you want?"

I smiled, slightly, at his question, because he had no idea. His eyes dropped to my lips, and he must've seen the tiny jerk of my head, the quick nod, because in the next second, he was leaning forward, his mouth pressing against mine, catching my top lip between his, his breath fanning out across my cheek in a shaky exhale.

My mind went blank, unable to form any coherent thought as his hand tightened around my neck, tilting my head, his lips slipping deliciously against mine, the pulse in his throat jumping under my fingers as I tasted him for the first time.

His other arm slid around me, holding me against him as he leaned both of us back against the seat. My arms went around his neck, one of my hands sliding up into his hair, combing my fingers through the thick, silky strands and scraping lightly against his scalp. He let out a groan, the sound rumbling from low in his chest up into my mouth, flooding me with pleasure, and in a single, startling burst of clarity, I understood exactly how intoxicating Jacob Black could be.

I pulled in a sharp breath against his lips, and he stilled for half a second, his fingers stroking down the line of my cheek as he pressed his lips once, twice, three more times to mine before pulling away just far enough to let our breath mix in the space between us.

His lips were a little pink from the gloss I'd worn, and a little swollen from our kisses, and as I stared dazedly down at them, he pulled his bottom lip into his mouth, his teeth scraping over the curve of it, and I found myself stretching forward, tracing his teeth with my tongue and swallowing another one of those exquisite sounds.

I clenched my hands in the material of his shirt, stilling the impulse to slip them under the hem and let them explore his glorious skin, and forced myself to slow down, to ease the pressure of my lips, to pull back ever so slightly. Jacob took the hint and slowed as well, until his bottom lip slipped from mine.

"I was afraid that once I started I wouldn't be able to stop," he murmured, and I blinked open my eyes to look at him. His eyes were darker than I'd ever seen them, almost completely black on white, still more than a little unfocused, but his smile was sweet.

"Not a bad thing," I mumbled, and he chuckled, leaning back. I pulled in a breath of air, the sudden flood of oxygen almost dizzying. "I should go in."

His hand slipped from the back of my neck, thumbing at the gold hoop that dangled from my earlobe. "I'll walk you up."

We slipped from the car quietly, leaning against the doors to latch them, fingers lacing together as we met on the way to the front door. I turned when we reached the porch, and he reached for me, cupping my face in his hands and holding me still as he pressed a kiss to my lips.

"You're so beautiful," he murmured with another kiss. "Thank you for going with me tonight." Another kiss. When I stepped closer, my arms inching around his waist of their own accord, he stopped me, a chuckle rumbling low in his chest. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He reached behind me for the doorknob, easing me back a handful of steps until I was through the door, and stole the rest of my breath with his smile.

I woke to the sound of Mulan singing about defeating the Huns, a familiar baritone and sweet little soprano singing along, making up their own words when they couldn't remember the actual ones. I lifted my head, smiling to myself as I kicked my legs over the side of the bed. I hesitated at the door, glancing down the hall to where I could see the two of them bouncing around on couch cushions that were strung all over the floor, and then turned the other way, toward the bathroom and my toothbrush.

By the time I padded into the den a few minutes later, Jacob was sitting cross-legged on the floor, Maddie firmly situated in his lap, a stuffed red dragon draped around his neck.

Maddie popped up as I entered the room, her little bathrobe falling off one shoulder. Someone had twisted her long hair into a sloppy knot on top of her head and stuck a yellow number two pencil through it.

"Look Nessie! I'm Mulan!" She danced around me, aiming a Ninja swipe at my knee that I sidestepped deftly to avoid.

"I see that," I laughed.

"And look at Uncle Jake!"

I grinned down at the man in question. "Who are you supposed to be? Mushu?"

He rolled his eyes good-naturedly and slipped his arms around me as I dropped down into his recently vacated lap. "Shen, obviously."

I settled back against him and smiled when I felt him pull in a steadying breath, his hand sliding down the line of my thigh to my knee. "Well if she's Mulan and you're Shen, then that spells problems for me."

He chuckled, the tip of his nose grazing along the side of my face. "You smell minty-fresh," he teased, and I felt my face flush.

"You smell - " I paused to take a breath, then wrinkled my nose, pulling back to look at him. "Like grass?"

He laughed at that, ducking under another one of Maddie's Ninja moves as she danced past us. "I went and mowed at Sam and Emily's since he's gone for work this week."

I hummed in approval, grinning as I caught sight of the clock on the wall. "And all before ten o'clock, too. How industrious of you."

He laughed, his hand darting up to catch Maddie's a hair's breadth from the side of my face. "Don't do it again," he told her seriously, smiling a little to soften his words. She shot me a bashful grin, snatching up her stuffed dragon and running off down the hall. "I came by here first, but somebody was still sleeping."

My cheeks burned even hotter as he leaned against the front of the sofa, tugging me back against him. "Yeah, some young buck had me out all night."

"Hmm," he said, grinning, his hand slipping up to tilt my face more fully towed him. "I'd like to have some words with him."

"Yeah," I breathed, grinning wickedly up at him. "Me too."

He pressed his answering chuckle against my lips, and I pulled in a breath of him. "Good morning," he murmured.

I tilted my head forward to kiss him more soundly, his fingers slipping down the line of my neck, his thumb brushing at the hinge of my jaw, and I knew then that I hadn't just imagined how good he tasted or the way my stomach flipped when he pulled my top lip between his.

"Good morning," Rachel echoed loudly, stepping into the room.

I jumped, swinging around to look at her, catching her knowing smirk and dropping my gaze in chagrin. I slipped off of Jacob's lap, and he chuckled again, completely unfazed as he stretched his long legs out lazily next to me.

"Good morning, sunshine," he greeted her, giving a pointed look to her lower half. "Look at you. Real pants and everything. What's the occasion?"

She rolled her eyes as she crossed the room, a tube of mascara in one hand, her other absentmindedly slipping down to smooth self-consciously over her jeans. "I'm stealing your girlfriend," she answered, a little thrill going through me at her words. Jacob shot me an accusing look, but I shrugged, just as lost as he was. "You and Paul are on babysitting duty while we - " She nodded at me, " - go get some breakfast."

"Really," Jacob said, cocking an eyebrow at me, and I grinned, hopping up, her idea suddenly sounding excellent.

"Really," I confirmed, heading back towards my room. "Give me five minutes, Rachel."

I grinned to myself as I pulled on a clean change of clothes, slipping my feet into sandals and combing my fingers through my hair before gathering it all into a knot at the base of my neck and snapping a hairband around it, listening as Jacob whined and tried to cajole his sister into taking her husband instead.

"No," she finally repeated stubbornly, a thwack and Jacob's oof! following immediately after. "You will be fine for, like, an hour, while we go drink overpriced lattes and eat six-hundred-calorie muffins. Here, take my baby."

I slipped my wallet in the back pocket of my jeans, and made my way back towards the den, where Jake was sulking on the couch, Makenna wobbling unsteadily on his knees, her chubby fists clenched around his thumbs. She lurched unevenly, and his hand came up over her round little belly, pulling her back securely against his chest, and the sight made my heart flip flop a little bit

"Have fun." I gave him my most winning smile, leaning down obligingly to drop a kiss to his lips when he tilted his face up towards me. I flicked gently at his pouty lower lip, and he rolled his eyes, a grin quirking up the corner of his mouth.

"Be good for Daddy and Uncle Jake, Maddie," Rachel told her oldest, rolling her eyes at Maddie's huff of protest. "Be good for Daddy and Uncle Jake, Mulan," she corrected herself, drawing out the second syllable of the name. Maddie beamed. "Help them with Kennie. We'll be back in just a little bit."

I followed her out the front door and into the truck, where she slammed the door and let her head drop back against the headrest with a long, contented sigh. "It's so quiet," she finally said, sticking the key in the ignition and cranking it, reaching out to punch off the radio before it could even come on. "I swear, if I have to listen to another damn Disney song, I'm gonna lose my ever-loving mind."

"We could eat in silence," I suggested with a grin, and she snorted a laugh.

"Don't tempt me."

She drove us to a cute little coffee shop in Forks - one I'd never been to before - its sprawling patio full of people enjoying their drinks and pastries, Indie acoustic blaring from a set of outdoor speakers above the door.

"I'll go in and get it, and we can take it down to the park to eat," she said, reaching for the door handle. "It's a little crowded. What do you want?

I gave her my order, and rolled my eyes when she waved off my twenty dollar bill, slamming the door and heading inside before I could insist. I folded it in fourths and tucked it in a little tab in her sun visor instead, on top of a crinkled gas station receipt. She was back a few minutes later, two iced coffees wedged in one elbow, a box of massive blueberry muffins under the other. She deftly maneuvered the truck out of the small parking lot and down the road a couple of miles.

"There," she said, as she pulled up next to a little pavilion with a single table on the edge of one of Forks' municipal parks. "This is better."

We made sure the windows were rolled up against the heavy drizzle in the air, and she snatched a sweater out of the back seat before following me over to the little table, cleaning the surface with a baby wipe she produced from her purse.

She passed me a muffin, and I held it up to my nose, breathing in the smell of blueberries and lemon and sugar streusel. I took a bite, and it melted on my tongue.

"Told you they were the best," she said around her own mouthful, and I grinned, nodding in hearty agreement.

"So." She swallowed, taking a sip of coffee to wash it down, and then passed a napkin over her mouth. "I'm assuming that little display this morning means you had a good time last night."

Her words were teasing, but her smile was genuine, her eyes dancing warmly above the rim of her cup. I felt myself blush, but couldn't hold back a grin. "Yeah."

She took another bite, and nodded. "Good."

I picked at my own muffin, working loose a chunk of blueberry and popping it into my mouth.

"I just thought that maybe you'd want to talk," she said gently after a moment, and I glanced up at her. "I mean, obviously you can call your mom and talk to her any time, and Sue would love for you to call her, too, but - " She tipped her head to the side, a secret smile curling up her lips. "It's not quite the same."

I returned her smile, dropping my gaze down to the table. "No," I agreed. "It isn't."

"You don't have to share anything you're not comfortable sharing," she continued. "And I won't ask you for all the gorey details." She snorted, and then wrinkled her nose. "Definitely not about my baby brother," she muttered, and I laughed. "But I know sometimes it can feel a little overwhelming, and I want you to know that you're not alone." She reached over and took my hand, squeezing my fingers gently, and I felt myself swallowing over the sudden lump in my throat, unable to respond. She met my gaze steadily, and I knew then, without a doubt, that what she said was true. The wolves all had a group, a pack, a brotherhood of others like them to surround and support each other. But so did I.

It didn't matter to them that I was different, or other. Nothing mattered, other than the bond we shared in the inexplicable ties we each had to our men. Any boundaries or walls that I had perceived as sectioning me off from them were of my own construction, and I made a resolve to work to tear them down.

I squeezed her hand back, pulling in a breath and blinking away the moisture behind my eyes, laughing weakly as she handed me a napkin with a grin. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she said, and then hesitated over another bite.

Intuitively, I knew that she had a question for me, and I nodded at her as I took a sip of my coffee. "Go ahead."

It was her turn to blush, and she smiled ruefully as she twisted a napkin of her own between her fingers. "I was just wondering - I mean, something changed in Tokyo," she said, and I knew she was talking about with me and Jacob. "When he got back, something was different. And I know, like, for me and Paul - one look, and he was a goner, the first time he met me. But for you and Jake, it wasn't like that. I just didn't know how that worked with you two," she finished, her forehead creased in question.

I took another bite and chewed slowly as I rolled her words around in my head. "I'm not even really sure that I know the answer to that," I said after a moment. "There was nothing romantic at all, and then, suddenly there was. I saw him at Christmas, and he was my best friend, and then he was walking into that banquet hall in a tux, and -" I shook my head, my lips twitching up at the memory, " - and I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He was there for that weekend, and then he left, and I couldn't handle it. I didn't even last a week before I was making plans to come here."

I picked at the muffin paper absently, casting mentally for a way to clarify further. "He always told me that he would be whatever I needed him to be, whenever I needed it, and I guess I just got to the point that I needed him, like that." I shrugged lamely, laughing at the absurd explanation that still seemed to fall flat. "I don't know if that answers your question, or not."

"It does," she said, and then grinned. "Well, as much as it can, anyway. Do you think it has something to do with the fact that you're - " She waved a hand vaguely in my direction. "I mean, I don't want to say 'Now that you're his age', but you get what I mean."

I shrugged, her question similar to those that Carlisle had pondered over the years. "Maybe. I can't really say for sure. I haven't aged physically in almost three years, though. If that's the case, why now?" I asked rhetorically, and she tipped her head to the side in silent agreement.

"Is that why you had to leave in the first place?" she asked. "You were growing too fast?"

The surrealness of the conversation hit me, the fact that we were calmly discussing her shapeshifter brother's imprint on a supernaturally aged human-vampire hybrid, as if we were talking about the unseasonably warm weather and higher than normal rainfall.

"Part of it," I answered after a beat. "I was growing too fast, and the rest of my family wasn't aging at all."

"Did you all stay together after you left? What about school? Did you just move every few months, or - " She trailed off, suddenly looking sheepish. "Sorry. You can tell me to butt out if you want."

I laughed, shaking my head. "It doesn't bother me," I assured her. "Sometimes, all nine of us would stay together in one place, yes. But other times, some of them would go off to do different things, or my parents and I would go off on our own. My dad homeschooled me up until I was to the point that I could enroll in college courses, and then I started taking those online."

She looked at me, all traces of amusement gone, her dark eyes unreadable. "That sounds lonely," she said softly after a moment, and the words weren't pitiful or overly sentimental, just a simple observation.

"Yeah," I replied, because, honestly, a lot of the time, it was lonely. "But that's their way of life. And mine, by extension, when I'm with them."

She studied me for another beat and then smiled, crumpling up her trash in one hand. "Well," she said as she pushed herself to her feet, and I followed. "You won't be lonely anymore. Not if we have anything to say about it."

I smiled back, meeting her around the edge of the table for a hug, and then she was picking up the box of muffins, tucking it under her arm as we jogged back over towards the truck through the rain. She tripped on a tree root, almost losing her balance, and leaned against my shoulder as we both laughed until we could barely breathe, and I'd never felt more like flesh and blood sisters than I did in that moment.

Kim lost her baby the following Thursday.

The call came in just before lunch, Jared's curse and the loud clank of his wrench landing somewhere across the garage audible even from inside the shop. Jacob paused mid-sentence, stretching up to glance out the bank of windows behind the counter before stepping out the door in the next second.

"Sorry," I apologized with a halfhearted smile to the woman who was paying for her oil change. She gave me a bemused look as I finished out the transaction. "Have a nice day," I offered absently, barely waiting until she was out the front door before following Quil and Seth into the garage.

It was completely silent, save for the radio and the sound of Jared's stilted, uneven breathing, all eyes on his back as he gripped the edge of the work bench. Jacob had a hand on his shoulder, watching his expression carefully as a shudder rolled down his spine.

"Lucas," Quil muttered, nudging him with an elbow. "Go cover the front."

The boy hesitated, but Quil pinned him with a look, and he went, glancing back over his shoulder. The rest of us inched closer, subconsciously closing a semi-circle around Jared and Jacob, blocking both of them from the view of the shop.

"Is it bad," Jared gritted out around clenched teeth, "that I'm not even sad? Like, I'm not even sad that our baby is dead, I'm just so pissed off."

I felt the burn of tears in the back of my throat, and blinked around the sudden moisture in my eyes.

"No," Jacob said, his voice low and soothing, his hand clenching tighter around Jared's shoulder as another shudder rocked through him. "No, it's not bad. Just breathe, man."

Jared hissed out a breath, and sucked another one in, and then another, and another, and finally the trembling in his arms ceased.

"Go home," Jacob said gently after a moment, his grip loosening on Jared's shoulder. "Go be with your wife."

Without another word, Jared turned, brushing past Collin and Brady, his face completely and utterly blank as he shoved the door open and walked to his car.

"I'll go make sure he gets home okay," Seth offered after a moment, following him.

A warm set of knuckles brushed over the curve of my cheek, wiping away the tears there, and I turned to look at Jacob. His eyes flickered between mine before he sighed, pulling me to his chest.

"What would you do?" I murmured thickly against his shirt, winding my arms around his waist.

He pressed his face to the top of my head, breathing in deeply as his arms tightened around my shoulders.

"I don't know," he said after a long moment. "I don't know."

That evening after dinner, while Rachel bathed the girls and Paul and Billy placed bets on a game, I slipped into the kitchen, pulling out various ingredients I'd purchased earlier in the afternoon and setting to work. I felt the air shift behind me, and glanced over my shoulder to see Jake leaning against the counter, watching me intently. I offered him a little half-smile, which he returned, before turning back to the casserole dish in front of me.

Once the food was done, and fresh brownies stacked on a paper plate inside a plastic baggie, I loaded everything up into a large insulated bag. Wordlessly, Jacob picked up his keys and followed me out to the car.

Jared and Kim's house was a tiny two bedroom bungalow on the edge of the reservation. Sue and Emily's cars were already in the driveway, and Jacob pulled in behind them. The front door was closed, but it opened before I had a chance to knock, and Jared had that same blank expression on his face that he'd had the last time I'd seen him. He stared at me for a moment, his eyes dipping down to the bag in my hands, then flicking up over my shoulder, and he stepped back, opening the door wider to let us pass.

Kim was laying on the couch, her head cushioned in Sue's lap as the older woman combed her fingers methodically through her hair. Sue glanced up at me and offered a sad smile as I entered, but Kim's gaze remained unblinking on the TV screen across the room. Emily popped her head around the corner from the kitchen, the sound of something sizzling and the smell of cooking meat permeating the air. She stepped into the room to take the bag of food from my hands, smiling gently and squeezing my shoulder in silent thanks.

I stepped carefully over towards the couch, sinking down to perch gingerly on the edge of the coffee table. I reached out for Kim's hand, slipping my fingers around hers, and she pulled in a sharp breath, her eyes fluttering and then flashing up to mine.

"Hi," I said softly, smiling down at her.

She stared at me, blinking as her nostrils flared. "It smells like chicken soup." Her voice was raw, scratchy with fatigue and emotion.

I nodded. "I brought some chicken noodle casserole. And brownies, with extra walnuts." I wasn't sure where I'd picked up that tidbit of information, but as soon as I said it, interest flickered in her eyes, the ghost of a smile hovering around her lips.

Sue chuckled, smoothing her hand once more over Kim's hair. "I'll go get you some," she said, and then she helped Kim sit up, settling her back against several cushions and tucking a blanket over her lap. She was pale, dark circles under her red-rimmed eyes, her hair lank and lifeless, collar bones and shoulder blades protruding sharply through her flannel pajama top and I realized that I wasn't just seeing the effects of a miscarriage, but of a terribly difficult pregnancy as well.

"Kim," I said, my voice breaking around the single syllable of her name, and as much as I wanted to comfort her and help her, I was truly at a loss for words. "I'm so, so sorry."

She dropped her gaze, her jaw clenching and her chin quivering as she picked at her fingernails, trying valiantly to hold back her tears.

"I'll never get to hold my baby again," she whispered brokenly, and I felt my own eyes fill with tears at the pain in her voice. "He'll never get to know what it felt like for his mommy to hold him."

I held out my hand, and she took it, her grip startlingly strong. I squeezed her fingers back just as tightly. "He knows," I managed around the lump in my throat. "You held him for as long as you could."

Her lips quirked up once, fleetingly, and two fat tears rolled down each of her cheeks. "He was perfect."

I smiled gently. "I'm sure he was."

Sue brought her a plate with several brownies on it, and she took one, chewing methodically and then washing it down with a glass of milk.

"I'm glad you came by," she said quietly after a few minutes. "The others - they've come, too, but then they leave and go back home to all their babies, and I'm still here, without mine."

I could imagine how she was feeling, could put myself in her shoes even though I hadn't been there myself, and the truth of what she was saying was heartbreaking, because I knew there might come a day when that was my reality, as well. "But not me," I finished for her, and her eyes flicked up to mine. "Maybe not ever," I forced out tightly around a poor excuse for a smile, and I knew she would understand what I meant.

Her head tilted slightly to the side, her gaze slipping over my shoulder to where I knew Jacob stood silently behind me before moving back to my face.

"I'm sorry," she said, her eyes filling with fresh tears, and her hand gripped mine tightly again. "Please don't take this the wrong way, because I wouldn't wish this on anybody, ever, but I'm glad I'm not the only one."

Her voice broke over the last few words, and I scooted forward onto the couch, to the seat right next to her, and wrapped my arms around her tightly. I squeezed my eyes closed against my own tears as she shook with the force of her heavy, wracking sobs, and then blinked them open again when I felt a hand on my arm, slipping around both of us. Sue settled her head against Kim's, rubbing a hand over each of our backs.

"Oh, Kim," I whispered brokenly, remembering Rachel's words - You won't be lonely anymore, not as long as we have anything to say about it. "You're not the only one."

It was late by the time we left, once Kim had cried out all of her tears and Jared had carried her, finally sleeping, back to their bedroom. Emily waved us off, saying that she would be right behind us after she finished up the dishes, and though Sue and I had tried to protest and stay to help, the kitchen was so small that we ended up being more of a hindrance.

The crickets were loud as we slipped out the front door and down the front steps, the gravel of the driveway crunching under our feet.

"Thank you for coming," Sue said, pulling me into a tight hug. "We were all waiting for that big breakdown, and now, maybe she can start the healing process." She pulled back, keeping a hold of my shoulders, and looked at me speculatively. "Have you ever thought of going into midwifery?"

I blinked. "No," I said honestly. "Never. All my schooling is in liberal arts."

She nodded, her eyes narrowing slightly for a moment, and then released me. "Well, I think you'd be good at it, if you ever took an interest in it. I'd be happy to take you on as an apprentice."

I turned her words over in my mind. "I'll remember that. Thank you."

She offered me a smile, and then flashed one at Jacob, reaching up to squeeze his shoulder before getting into her car.

We climbed into the El Camino, Jake backing out quickly to let Sue out and turning right to head back to Billy's as she went left towards Forks.

I tipped my head back against the seat, my eyes closing as I pulled in a long breath. I felt absolutely exhausted, emotionally drained, but I was glad that I'd gone.

Jacob pulled into the driveway, parking behind Rachel's truck and shutting off the engine. The faint, flickering glow of a TV emanated from Paul and Rachel's window, but the rest of the house was dark. I glanced over at him, his gaze trained on the center of the steering wheel. His finger rubbed the Chevy emblem over the horn idly.

"What you said to Kim," he said after a moment, his eyes cutting over to me, and I understood what he meant. He hesitated for a moment. "You've never talked about it before."

I shrugged, dropping my gaze to my lap, and no matter how comfortable I was with Jacob and how much of my life he knew, I doubted there was anything that would make this conversation less awkward. We'd only been on one date, only kissed a handful of times, and here we were, discussing the future biological possibility - or rather, the impossibility - of children.

"It wasn't something I really thought about," I told him honestly, picking a speck of lint off my jeans.

"Until recently," he said, and something in his voice made me look over at him. His expression was unreadable, his eyes dark and assessing.

"Yeah," I said. "Until recently."

He held his hand out, palm up, and I gave him mine, watching as he threaded our fingers together, his thumb rubbing slowly over my knuckles.

"Kim," he said after a beat of silence, and he stopped. The muscles worked in his throat as he swallowed, and his tongue darted out to lick his lips. "Kim looked like Bella." His voice was rough, and I could only imagine what he was feeling, the emotions that were battling inside of him at the memory of my mother's pregnancy, a period he had often referred to as the hardest time of his life, and I felt like I could sympathize a little more with him after seeing Kim. I knew, from my own memories of my mom shortly after my birth, that she had been in much, much worse condition, her frail body broken and wasted away to almost nothing but skin and bone, and I couldn't imagine what it would've been like for him.

"As hard as it was to see her like that," he said, and I knew we were thinking about the same thing, "I got you out of it, and as screwed up as it might sound, I'd watch her go through it all a thousand times over for the same result. But Nessie -" His eyes flashed up to mine, and the conflict there struck me right in the stomach. His hand lifted to cup my cheek, and I leaned into his touch. "I don't know if I could watch you do the same thing."

The words landed like a blow, and as much as I'd guessed that that might be how he felt, as much as I'd thought I'd prepared myself for that reality, the keenness of the aching that spread outward from my chest took my breath away. I knew, though, that as much as it hurt me to hear them, it hurt him even more to speak them. I lifted my hand to his arm, gripping his wrist where he still cradled the side of my face, and he slid closer.

"To see you in so much pain," he said, his voice cracking over the last word, and despite the hurt that we were each feeling in that moment, I knew, intuitively, that the brutal honesty was what we both needed - he needed to say it, and I needed to hear it, and maybe the burning of the words, like alcohol, would leave the wounds clean and ready to heal. "To have something go wrong, and not be able to fix it, or to lose a baby like that - a piece of you -"

His words cut off abruptly, his jaw clenching, and I knew everything he couldn't say, because the thought of him suffering or hurting in some way that I couldn't help was devastating, sticking deep in my heart and twisting painfully. I slid my hand over the line of his jaw, soothing the tension there even as I blinked away the burn of tears, my fingers slipping around the back of his neck to pull him down toward me.

His lips were rough, desperate and bruising against mine, even as his hands cradled me as tenderly as if I were made of glass, and the dichotomy of his touch was so beautifully bittersweet. He leaned forward, one arm around my waist and his other hand hooking under my knee as he lifted, pulling me over into his lap, running his hands up my back and pressing me closer against him as I wrapped myself around him. He was solid and strong and entirely breakable in my arms, and his fingers brushed back strands of my hair as his lips chased after the tears that rolled down over my cheeks and dropped off of my chin.

"I'm sorry," he murmured repeatedly, dropping feather light kisses over my eyelids. "Don't cry, baby."

Baby. The word rolled off his tongue as soothing and sweet as warm honey, and as many times as I'd heard the endearment from my mother or my aunts, nothing compared to the way it sounded in Jacob's voice.

I tilted my head, seeking wordlessly, and he answered as I knew he would, his kisses slowing, gentling, caressing, loving as time seemed to stand still, healing that ache deep in my chest until it was just a tender twinge, and as he pulled away, I came to the realization that though part of me might always long for a child made from both of us, the love that this man poured into me and surrounded me with through his family and his people was enough for now, and the opportunities that we might have in the future to love a child of our hearts would be enough then, too.

He ran a finger under each of my eyes, sweetly, tenderly, and I was sure that no one had ever felt as treasured and as cherished as I did when he looked at me the way he was looking at me.

"I would try for you," he said quietly, and I knew it was true. As much as it would pain him, he would do it for me in a heartbeat, no second thoughts. "In the future, if we were both ready. I'd do whatever I could."

I slid both of my hands down from the back of his neck to the sides of his face and stroked my thumbs over his cheeks as he did so often to me, my love for him filling me until it threatened to overflow, and I let it, pressing the words into his skin.

His eyelids fluttered closed, his head dropping down to rest against my forehead, his lips working sweetly against mine. I slid my fingers back through his hair, and he sighed, his arms tightening around me as he held me.

"I love you, too," he murmured against me, and like so many things in the last few weeks, his words were the same as they'd been my whole life, but so, so different. "More than anything."