After our first kiss, Peeta and I couldn't stop kissing. Stolen kisses before he'd leave for work in the morning and before Rye wakes, kissing goodnight in the bathroom. Even when my nightmares wake us both up, he's happy to sit with me on the couch and kiss me until I can't remember what it was about. It was good. The past two weeks were good.
Still, a gnawing feeling was growing in my stomach. I want to be with Peeta, fully and without any restraint. I want to be able to tell our friends about him, to sleep in his bed, to hold his hand in public... I want it all.
Peeta said he was out with his friends and I was supposed to be working late, but we were actually on a date at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Everything was going smooth until Madge walked in to pick up some take out. Peeta practically jumped out of the booth and ran to the bathroom at the sight of her. I stayed out and kept my head down. She didn't even notice.
When Peeta returned a few minutes later, he was relieved to have not been caught. He chuckled at his reaction, but I was silently fuming. "What's wrong?" He asked.
"We have to tell him," I said in a serious voice. Perhaps the strawberry margarita that I had just finished made me feel brave. "I don't want to be a secret anymore," I whispered and looked away.
"I don't know, Katniss," he replied.
I was no longer silently fuming. "What is there to not know?" I asked. Grey eyes stared into blue. "You said you wanted to explore what was between us, and obviously there is something."
Peeta shakes his head, and I've had enough. We were done eating and had already paid the check. As I storm out of the restaurant, I realize that we should have driven separately instead of him picking me up at the library.
Like an idiot, I stand beside the passenger door. He approaches me slowly. "He really liked you."
"Liked!" I stress. "We settled it before I moved in."
"You told him you couldn't date a roommate?" His eyes go wide.
I just roll mine. "No. I told him that we were never more than friends. We're adults, Peeta. We can be with whoever we want to be with."
"This is my brother we're talking about," he says.
It feels like a low blow. Just because I don't have a sister anymore, it doesn't give him the right to throw that in my face. I turn to face the car and sigh. "Can you just open the door?"
Peeta realized his mistake. "I didn't mean it like that." A hand finds it's way onto my shoulder.
I shrug it off. "I'm done being a secret." There's no emotion in my voice.
We stand there in silence. His eyes burn into the back of my skull, but I can't look at him. I can't see the hurt in his eyes, and I can't show him the sadness in mine.
The ride to the library is silent. I let a few tears fall as I sit in the parking lot. I have to allow Peeta a head start home, but I really feel like getting it all out now. We have thin walls after all.
Rye and Peeta are sitting on the couch when I walk in. I know that I can't hide the redness of my eyes, so I walk quickly past them and shut my door loudly.
I can hear them from the living room. "What's wrong with her?" Rye asks, sounding concerned.
Peeta's quiet for a moment. "Why would I know?"
"No I don't know," I can practically hear Rye shrug. "You two seem like you were getting close."
"She's cool, but..."
A moment of silence passes between the two brothers. "Go ask her what's wrong," Rye instructs.
"You do it," Peeta replies as if it's the worst thing in the world. My heart breaks even more.
A few seconds later, there's a knock on my door. I wait for it and whoever it belongs to to go away. It doesn't, and another knock comes.
Frustrated, I rip the door open and glare into Rye's face. "Hey, Katniss."
"What?" I ask, seething with rage.
Rye shrinks back a bit. "Peeta and I are concerned about you..."
I see red. I don't care about protecting Peeta in this moment. I was falling in love with him, and he handed my heart back to me with dirt on it. "You can Peeta and everyone else in the world can go fuck themselves."
It was wrong to say, and I know that I shouldn't have snapped at him. I know it as soon as I say it, and Rye's eyes go wide in alarm. Before I can take it back, I slam the door in his face.
A couple of minutes later, my phone vibrates. I don't want to answer it, but curiosity gets the best of me.
Peeta: I'm sorry.
It's not enough. If he would have said, "I don't want you to be a secret either," then maybe I would have replied. But it doesn't, so I don't. I don't reply at all.
It's girls night, and I'm in a foul mood. Despite the tiny dress Madge squeezed me into and the perfect make up Annie applied to my face, I don't feel any better about myself. I feel like a shinny penny left in a parking lot because I wasn't heads up. Worthless and bad luck.
"What's his name?" Joanna asks as I've down my third drink in seconds.
"What?" I hiss at her.
"You're obviously in a mood. We can all tell," she says and crosses her arms. Her eyes narrow at me, "It's different. You're different." Annie and Madge nod in agreement.
I let out a long sigh and grumble out, "It doesn't matter. It's over now."
Annie and Madge squeal in delight. They're obviously happy that they got me talking. "Tell us everything!" Madge shrills.
In that moment, I want to tell them everything. I don't want to be a secret anymore, but I can't do that to Peeta. If Prim were still alive, I'd do everything I could to save my relationship with her.
I decide to be discrete. "He's a great guy, but he doesn't want to commit."
"Then don't commit," Madge says with a shrug.
"Friends with benefits?" Joanna asks and wiggles her eyebrows at me. The other girls giggle as I blush.
They don't know that I'm still a virgin. "No, we didn't make it that far. He wanted me to be a secret."
"A secret!" Madge yells and slams a hand down on the table. I roll my eyes at her ability to get drunk extremely fast. "Dump his ass!"
"I did," I sigh and remember why I was sulking in the first place. I ended things.
"Shit!" Annie says as she looks over my shoulder. "I didn't know they'd be here tonight."
My breath catches in my throat, and the world slows down as I turn to face Peeta and Finnick. Finnick grins at all of us, but Peeta doesn't. If anything, he's scowling.
I've avoided Peeta for the last two days. It's the longest we've gone without talking since we began our affair two weeks ago, even longer if you count the weeks leading up to our first date. His scowl only reminds me of how frustrated I am.
"Hey, babe!" Finnick says smiling into a kiss with Annie. "I thought you were going out for dinner."
Annie's love drunk. "We did. Katniss was in a bad mood so we decided to cheer her up." She gives me a wink, and the idea of her knowing about Peeta and I flashes through my mind. It would make sense since Finnick is Peeta's best friend.
I shrug and tell the boys, "Life is currently sucking for Katniss Everdeen."
In the recent months, I've noticed that Finnick makes a strange face whenever my last name is mentioned. It's a mix of recognition and confusion. It's like he's heard my name somewhere before but can't quite recall where. It sends a chill down my spine every time.
I can't ignore Peeta like I want to. I find myself avoiding eye contact with him only to remember that I'm supposed to be acting natural. Anything else and my nosey friends will pick up on it. Peeta clearly didn't get the message since he refuses to acknowledge my existence.
There a lapse in the night where Peeta's playing pool, Annie and Finnick are dancing, Madge has left for a booty call, and Joanna is flirting with a random man. I find myself nursing my fifth drink of the night alone and mesmerized by something on my phone. I'm considering calling it a night when I feel someone approach my table.
"Hey, Katniss," Finnick says as he takes the seat across from me. "Life still sucking?"
I narrow my eyes at him and wonder what all he knows. "Yes," I answer simply.
Finnick grins at this. "You know, I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out where I know you from. I think I've finally figured it out."
My blood goes cold and freezes in my veins. I've never seen Finnick before in my life... so how does he know me?