Warning: Mentions of rape/non-consensual/assault
"98.5 degrees.* Excellent! Thomas, your fever has broken." Richard says, excited.
"Wonderful." Thomas twists his lips in what might be considered a smile.
Thomas has recovered without much trouble, although a notable amount of credit is probably due to Richard restricting him from doing anything that might be potentially strenuous.
It's a blessing, really, that Richard hasn't caught whatever Thomas had - or at least is not showing symptoms yet. Of course, Thomas has just recovered and the infection might catch Richard later.
"It is perfect! And you've almost completed your antibiotics!" Richard says enthusiastically, too excited by Thomas's improved health to realise that mentioning the tablets is a mistake until it's too late.
Thomas stiffens beside him. "Right."
Richard turns Thomas to face him, albeit gently so as not to startle him.
"Thomas, love. You know you can tell me anything?"
Thomas nods, but it seems far away, as though Thomas is not fully paying attention to Richard's words.
If Richard had been of a nervous disposition, he would be frightened by this level of detachment. As it is, he focuses on looking into Thomas's eyes to bring Thomas slowly back to reality and their room.
"Thomas. What is it? What bothers you so much about tablets?" Richard presses, not intending to sound harsh, but probably failing on that count.
"I…" Thomas hesitates before straightening slightly. "You know about the conversion therapy."
He has straightened his posture. Richard notices. Never a good sign.
It's not lying particularly; Thomas can lie with a completely straight face if it suits him. It works well for questions about their relationship and Christmas presents particularly.
No, it is not a lie. Richard does know about Thomas's experience with electroshock therapy.
But, rather, there is an element of...evasion in Thomas's words.
Perhaps it is not the best idea to catch Thomas out before he's even started explaining.
"Yes, I do." Richard says carefully.
Thomas is almost shaking, his body subject to his mind being taken over by memories, most likely.
There's not really anything that Richard can do to help, not knowing the extent or cause of the problem, but he tries his best anyway, leaning in and wrapping his arms gently around Thomas.
After a few minutes in Richard's embrace, Thomas has calmed down significantly and looks weary enough to fall asleep.
Richard lets him, aware that he is encouraging Thomas, but given the subject matter, if it's something important, Richard will find out in time and if Thomas wants to tell him, sooner or later.
Richard can wait.
….
It turns out to be sooner.
Richard is washing dishes in the kitchen when he hears a sound halfway between wailing and screaming.
Concerned, he rushes up the stairs, hurriedly drying his wet and soapy hands on the cloth that he grabbed from the kitchen,
Thomas is thrashing around in bed, all flying limbs and kicked blankets. Richard hurries to his side.
"Shhh, Thomas, love. Wake up...it's just a dream." Richard whispers softly, his breath causing the loose hairs on Thomas's forehead to flutter for a moment.
The thrashing continues, but as Richard continues murmuring gently it subsides and Thomas cracks his eyes open, clearly still full of sleep.
Richard doesn't touch Thomas, not knowing what the cause of his discomfort was but not wanting to cause more if it is in his power to do so. Even so, he has a faint idea of what this might be about, and his heart has sunk into his stomach.
Thomas's eyes widen and he looks around in horror as he wakes up fully and realises what is going on.
"I - I…" Thomas stammers, apparently trying to form a coherent response and gaining.
"Shh, Thomas. It is alright; you are here with me." Richard knows when not to press the subject, instead wrapping his arms around Thomas's waist as Thomas lies in bed.
Fortunately, Thomas is no longer thrashing about, but he is awake now and obviously uncomfortable. Richard wants to help him, but really does not know how, given the circumstances. He momentarily settles for rubbing soft circles into Thomas's back.
Some time later, Richard is so relaxed that he is almost asleep when Thomas starts speaking loudly.
At first, Richard is concerned that he is having another nightmare (in the daytime, as it happens), but then realises how calm and especially coherent Thomas sounds.
He sits up properly to hear Thomas better.
When he makes sense of the words, his stomach is in his feet once again.
"I knew him, Richard. Or at least, I thought I did. As it happens, I horribly misjudged."
He thinks he knows what Thomas is talking about, but before he can properly consider it, the words have passed his lips. "Knew who?"
"Louis." Thomas's voice has no inflection and Richard knows nothing about that person, but he feels a chill of fear run up his spine at the name nonetheless.
"He...he...touched me. In places I didn't want him to. At first, I stopped him, grabbing his wrist and telling him to shove off." Thomas elaborates, obviously uncomfortable.
"Oh Thomas…." Richard hugs Thomas to his body, trying to console him, but Thomas is not finished.
"This happened several times. I - I wanted to tell someone, but who could I have told? I didn't want to get turned in to the police." Thomas continues, looking steadily more distraught.
"I told him to stop several times. That's when he did it." Thomas almost stumbles over the words, the lump in his throat inhibiting speech.
Richard's breath catches. "Did what?" He asks tentatively.
"Drugged me. He offered me some pills that he said would help me relax. I honestly have no idea why I listened." Thomas pauses.
"I woke up alone in a bed, my trousers around my ankles, shirt missing a few buttons, and with several bruises on my face and skin. My entire body ached." Thomas exhales unsteadily.
Richard is silent, and Thomas fills with panic.
What if this is the thing that makes Richard leave him? He hasn't so far, but what if?
The silence goes on so long that Thomas is about to speak just to prompt a reaction when Richard leans forward and embraces him.
"Oh Thomas…." He repeats softly.
"I understand if you want to leave me because I'm too broken." Richard hasn't given in, but Thomas wants to give him the opportunity clearly, just in case.
Richard leans back and holds him at arm's length, studying his face. Thomas holds his breath.
"Thomas, I love you. I am here to support you, and I'm not going to just leave because you need to be comforted after that kind of experience." Richard pulls him closer again.
Thomas can feel the tears threatening to spill over onto his cheeks and he buries his face in Richard's rolled sleeves. Before he knows it, the sleeves are soaked, but Richard only embraces him more tightly.
When he has no tears left, Thomas moves back and drags his hand across his eyes, which Richard softly chides, pulling out a handkerchief instead.
Thomas lets Richard gently wipe his face, arms defenceless by his sides. It isn't until Richard has pocketed his handkerchief once again that Thomas speaks, asking the question that has been bothering him for a long time.
"Have you ever been…?" He leaves the question unfinished, but the implication is clear enough.
Richard hesitates and Thomas is overtaken by surprise and discouragement and... solidarity?
"No." Richard seems almost apologetic about it, really.
"My parents never made me feel awkward because of who I am, and when someone made advances towards me, I told them. They told him off and sent him away right quick." Richard says, still in a soft and apologetic tone.
Thomas is about to speak again, but Richard jumps in, apparently not finished talking.
"Actually, yes." He seems very thoughtful about it, and Thomas wonders how Richard could possibly have forgotten such a thing.
Thomas has unknowingly raised his eyebrows in an excellent impression of Richard, and Richard blushes at the implications - evidently aware of the reasons for Thomas's confusion- colour spreading from his ears down to a place below his shirt collar.
Thomas would be vaguely tempted to see how far down that colour extends in different circumstances, but at the moment he is too wound-up and focused on what Richard is saying.
"He, he did. I must've been barely twenty years old." Richard is running his fingers through his hair, making it steadily less tidy, and exclaiming in surprise and disbelief at his recollections, or lack thereof, really.
Thomas's eyebrows have climbed so high that they almost reach his hairline, and Richard takes this as his cue to get on with the explanation.
"I have tried so hard to banish that experience from my memory that I foolishly thought I could actually forget such a thing." Richard says slowly, as though the words take effort.
Thomas insistently feels badly, reaching for Richard with insistent apologies for bringing up uncomfortable memories without a reason.
"You have a reason, Thomas." Richard comforts him softly. "It is more than alright. Does this perhaps have any connection to last week's problem about the flowers?"
Thomas looks torn between amusement and embarrassment. "I - um - well, that is…."
And if that isn't a surprise. After how candid they have been, it's almost a stretch that Thomas is tongue-tied again, but Richard reads into it anyway.
For his efforts, he notices a very slight wince of the blink-and-you'll-miss-it variety, something that he only notices because he is watching Thomas intently.
"Oh Thomas." Richard repeats.
Thomas melts into the embrace, wondering if he can evade the question. In the end, it's him that pushes the boundaries. Richard seems perfectly content to leave it at that if Thomas does not want to elaborate anymore.
"He used to have them...on the table. Used to be brought by his girlfriend, who he kept up for pretense."
Richard is mid-hum when the next words knock that response out of him.
"I later learned that she was like us and he married her to benefit them both." Thomas pauses, pursing his lips in that way that is characteristic of him.
"Which can't have helped you understand or puzzle him out." Richard says solemnly.
Thomas's faint blush tells Richard that he's made the right connections. And it's only fair, really.
Richard knows he should be comforting, should offer some kind words, but the thoughts just escape him.
Try as he might, he cannot get them back.
Mercifully, Thomas seems to understand the unspoken words between them, and it is Thomas who initiates contact this time.
"Are you alright?" Richard murmurs.
It is such a simple question, and yet heavy with meaning and implications.
Thomas nuzzles into Richard's neck, mucus collecting on Richard's collar, which Richard ignores.
"I - yeah." Thomas stumbles.
"Are you sure?" Richard presses.
Thomas stiffens and Richard can feel a rebuke on the tip of Thomas's tongue, but he mercifully composes himself instead of lashing out at Richard.
"Absolutely. I promise." Thomas answers.
"You'll tell me if you ever feel that way again, won't you? Do you want to talk about it?" Richard knows that he is pushing a boundary here since Thomas is prone to feeling underestimated in these situations, courtesy of his past.
"I will." Thomas replies earnestly. "And to your second question, not right now. But I will, honest."
Richard knows when to give him his space. Comforted in the knowledge that Thomas is not about to panic again, he stands up slowly, moving to leave the room.
"Richard?" Thomas's voice asks softly from behind him. "Will you stay?"
Richard walks over to the bed and sits down carefully at Thomas's request and his ensuing grabby hands.
Thomas embraces him softly and kisses his forehead, comforting the person who had been providing comfort not ten minutes prior.
"I love you, Thomas." Richard whispers into Thomas's clavicle. "You know that?"
"I do." Thomas whispers back. "And I love you too."
Richard leans into his warm embrace, deciding that the dishes can wait if he gets to spend time with this wonderful, healing man.
Note: This was a tough one. Given Thomas's lack of reaction to Bates's actions regarding William in Season 1, it can be reasonably assumed that Thomas has experienced physical/sexual abuse, so I expanded on that a bit. I imagine that Louis existed at some point between Paul (from the story "Rainbows" by Ilovemusic) and Philip (onscreen). 98.5 degrees Fahrenheit is 36.9 degrees Celsius (relatively average body temperature). Reviews are appreciated!