"We should move in together."

Ned freezes with his burger halfway to his mouth. He turns to look at Frank, who is looking just as panicked as Ned feels, mouth gaping open like a fish as he stares across the table at Nancy. Considering the fact that he'd been in the middle of chewing, it's not a pretty sight.

Feeling reassured that he wasn't the one feeling blindsided by their girlfriend's sudden proposal, Ned turns back to focus on Nancy.

"You mean," he says, clearing his throat. "All three of us in one apartment?"

Nancy has many "looks." In the 8 years that Ned has known her, he's become well acquainted with all of them. Currently, she's giving him the "are-you-listening-to-me-at-all" look. It's marginally better than the "you-complete-idiot" look, so that's a plus.

"Yes, dear, that is exactly what I mean."

Frank makes a sudden choking noise before seemingly being thrown into a coughing fit. He bends over in his chair, coughing loudly, and Ned sighs and reaches over to thump his boyfriend soundly on the back until he calms down. When Frank resurfaces, there are tears in his eyes and he takes a long drink from his cherry coke before gasping out, "Christ on a bike, Drew, give a guy some warning before you drop a bombshell like that."

Nancy rolls her eyes. "I'm just saying, we're already sleeping together, we all love each other, we might as well live together. It is the natural progression of this relationship, right?"

"I just signed a lease," Ned isn't sure what else to say. He knows that Nancy is right, it's the logical progression of… whatever the hell the three of them are doing, and it would probably be great. Except for the one very good reason he has for thinking that it would be very bad.

Nam fucked him up. He knows this, Nancy and Frank both know this. But what Nancy and Frank don't know is that his prior hang-ups about being a monster, being unworthy of love, were just the tip of the damn iceberg. His head a fucking mess and he doesn't know if he'll be able to keep it together all of the time. He can handle being out with them during the day, even when the three of them are over at his place for, well…. you know. It was easier to hide how messed up he was when he was still able to keep them at a safe distance.

If the three of them were living together…actually sharing space together, it'd be a hell of a lot harder to keep up the charade of being okay.

"I know you just signed a lease, and it's a nice place. I thought…well… we could move in with you there. The rent's not bad as it is and with the three of us splitting it should be very manageable," Nancy was looking at him earnestly, her big, blue eyes questioning. "If you're not comfortable with this, we don't have to do it."

Ned looks down and places his burger back on the plate. He's not hungry anymore. His stomach is churning with anxiety, he thinks about what would happen if he should have one of his episodes with his lovers present and his chest seizes with panic. He takes a couple of deep breathes in through his nose as he wipes his hands off.

"It's not that we don't want to, Nance, it's just…" Frank gestures wildly beside him, "It's just that… don't you think it's a little too soon? I mean, the three of us, this…whatever this is only started a few months ago!"

Ned sighs, "Have you talked to your dad about this?"

Nancy looks insulted, "I'm a grown woman capable of making my own choices, Ned, and my father has never once questioned that and he wouldn't question it now. If I tell him I'm moving in with you, he'll say 'Alright then.'"

'Might be all he says to you,' Ned thinks to himself. 'doesn't mean he won't have a few choice words for me and Frank.'

Frank chuckles maniacally as he rubs his hands across his face, "This is insane… but if this is what you want, then I'm in."

Nancy's smile is like the sun, blinding in its brilliance and Ned's heart constricts with how beautiful she looks when she's happy.

Nancy and Frank both turn to look at him, Frank with a sheepish look on to match Nancy's heartbreaking hopefulness.

He gives them what they want because he could never deny them anything, no matter how frightened he is of what the consequences may be.

Every night, after his lovers fall into a peaceful sleep, Ned gently extricates himself from the tangle of limbs on their bed and makes his way into the living room with a pillow and a blanket, and tries to find rest on the small sofa.

It's not comfortable, and the nightmares still find him, but at least he's not in any danger of harming the other two in a fit of panic. The nightmares continue, every night as per usual, but he can't be waking the others because neither of them shows any signs of having heard him when they come into the kitchen in the mornings to find him already up and making coffee.

He's in Nam. The hot, steaming jungle is alive, moving, swallowing him whole. Ned can feel it closing in on him the further in he goes. Suddenly, there's a burst of machine-gun fire and he drops to the jungle floor. The bullets spray around him and the trees start to bleed. He's drowning in a river of blood. There are hands, hands all over him, pulling him down, down, down into the red tide. He fights back, and then there are screams. His own and someone else's. Suddenly, he can hear his name.

Ned comes to his senses to find Frank bent over him, his hands grasping the hand, Ned's hand, wrapped around his throat, squeezing. Nancy is pulling on his arm, sobs mingling with her pleas for him to wake up, to stop.

He practically throws the two of them away from him, and instantly reaches out to keep them from hitting themselves on the oak coffee table behind them. He reaches out to trace his fingers across the faint bruises forming on Frank's neck then collapses back onto the sofa, rubs his hand across his face.

"What the fucking hell were you thinking, touching me when I was like that, Hardy?" Ned says, his voice low and furious. He's angry with Frank, with Nancy, with his own damn self…

"I was thinking that this one sounded worse than the other ones and you weren't waking up you fucking idiot!"

"Stop it!" Nancy sobs from behind Frank. "Stop it, both of you. Ned, we…we were just worried, you've been having nightmares every night and you always come out here and we just… we just want to be there for you Ned, but you keep pushing us away!"

Ned stands up slowly, hands covering his mouth.

"You don't have to deal with this alone, man," Frank's voice is hoarse but the anger is still evident.

Ned can't take anymore, "After what just happened…you're still going to ask me why I keep away from you? I could have killed you, Frank. I could have injured Nancy too!"

"We know, Ned, we know," Nancy pleads. "But do you honestly think… do you really think that would keep us from trying to help you? We love you. We want to be there for you!"

All Ned can think is that he can't be there anymore, he can't stand it. He grabs his coat and shoves his feet into his shoes. He's out on the street before he can even think, with Nancy calling his name, Frank running after him swearing at his back. He collapses onto the bus-stop bench and clutches at his head. Frank collapses onto the bench beside him, panting with exertion.

"Nickerson, it is too damn cold for this, but if you want dramatic, by God, dramatic is what you'll get."

Ned swears under his breath and steadfastly ignores the younger man sitting next to him.

"You remember what I told you four months ago? I told you that you have every right to feel the pain you feel because of Nam. You went through hell and you survived it, and everything you went through affected you and it's not your fault that you feel this way," Frank pauses to take a deep breath, turns, and places his hand on the back of Ned's neck. "But pushing us, the people who love you, away… that is your fault, that is your decision. I told you four months ago that it wasn't fair of you to do that to Nancy, and I'm telling you now that it's damn well unfair of you to do it to the both of us."

Ned huffs out a breath, "Unfair of me, huh? My head is a fucking mess, Frank. Forgive me for wanting to spare you from that."

Frank growls in frustration and grabs Ned's hand, "I want to hit you upside the head, but I'm not going to do it. Might do you some good though." There is a pause as Ned attempts to extract his hand from Frank's grip, but his boyfriend is not having it.

"You listen to me, you damn idiot. If there's one thing my father told me about being in love, it's that it's unconditional. You don't just abandon someone because the going gets tough. You stick with them and help them through it. That's what Nance and I are trying to do for you, Ned. We love you, we want to help you through this. Now, you're going to walk back to the apartment. You're going to hug our girlfriend and kiss her too if you think you can handle that. Then, you're going to go to sleep, with us in our bed, yes," Frank held up a hand to stop Ned's protests, "Yes, in our bed. And yes, your head is a fucking mess and you're going to have nightmares and it's going to be hard, but when you wake up, we'll be there. We'll always be there, Ned. You understand?"

Ned stares into Frank's determined brown eyes, "That was the most ridiculous speech I've ever heard."

Frank shrugs, "You're the one who started it."

Ned laughs and brings Frank's hand up to his lips.

Ned spent the rest of the night in the bed that he shared with the two people he loved most in the world. He slept and didn't dream.