VIII. IPSA HISTORIA REPETIT
"Not so fast! Rona's got one more turn left!"
Sirona rolled her eyes at Lee, who was desperately trying to save himself from losing nine Sickles after his refusal to do as he'd been told after picking a dare during his previous turn. In his defence, the dares had gotten progressively wilder, corresponding almost precisely with the amount of Firewhiskey in the friends' system as the day went on.
The simple game of Truth or Dare had been started over an hour ago by the stressed (and slightly tipsy at the time) O.W.L. students. While the rest of the castle was enjoying a normal Saturday afternoon, Sirona, Lee Jordan and the Weasley twins were all hiding away in the kitchens with a stolen bottle of Firewhiskey, an empty phial of Veritaserum and the hopes of outdoing one another. At this point in the game, they were all fabulously drunk; though, none of them would admit to it.
"All right," said George, "but if she does as she's meant to, you lose, mate."
"And the rest of us are each three Sickles richer," Fred quipped.
"Be prepared to pay up," Sirona said, her words slurring just the tiniest amount.
"Big talk from someone who's chosen primarily truths the entire game!" Lee complained loudly.
"It's not like those are so easy when you've got truth serum running through your veins!" she retorted; they'd all taken a bit before starting the game to ensure that there was no cheating. Granted, Sirona didn't have many secrets, especially none anyone would know to ask about, so maybe Lee had a point. The hardest question she'd had to answer was from Fred, who had asked if she still really had a thing for Charlie. Her answer of, "I might still get flustered around him because I find him dreamy, but I think I've resigned myself to the fact that it's never going to happen, so no, not really I suppose — not seriously enough to affect my actual dating life anyway." had surprised even herself, and she wondered if Vertiaserum was ever used in therapy sessions because it was a wonderful way to get to really know yourself.
"This is so unfair," Lee whined.
"Oh, fine, you big baby," Sirona said. "If it'll shut you up, I'll choose a dare."
Lee seemed to perk up at this information, and Sirona could see the wheels turning behind his eyes as he started thinking of a dare that she would never go through with.
"I'll need to consult with Fred and George on this one," Lee finally said, and Sirona slid herself away from the circle, growing increasingly worried by the minute as they discussed what it was they could make her do. There seemed to be some sort of disagreement from Fred at one point, but Sirona couldn't hear what it was, and after a short time, they seemed to have gotten back on the same page. They motioned for her to return to them, and Lee was sporting a shit-eating grin, clearly convinced that whatever the dare was, she wouldn't do it.
"All right," he said. "I dare you to find someone in this castle, go right up to them, and without saying a word to them, kiss them, not on the cheek, but on the lips."
"That's not a fair dare!" Sirona complained. "None of yours involved messing with other people!"
"I had to stick a teacher's shoe to floor as they walked down the corridor not five minutes ago!" George countered.
"I could get hexed for this!" she said.
"And I could've been expelled," George defended.
"You could always just not do it," Lee said. Sirona glared at him. If she didn't do this dare, the game would continue between her and Lee until one of them finally beat the other. She had a feeling that if she continued, the truths and the dares would start to get far worse than even the dare they had just given her, and she'd definitely end up losing. Roger's birthday was just around the corner, and the nine Sickles she had placed down as a bet were meant to go towards his birthday present.
"Told you she wouldn't go for it," George was saying to Fred, and the thought of the teasing that would no doubt ensue if she chickened out of this dare infuriated her intoxicated little mind. She couldn't lose nine Sickles, and she definitely had to wipe that grin right off Lee's face. She needed a loophole and fast.
"Fine," she said, her unwavering voice causing the boys to all to stop sniggering. Fred looked at her with wide eyes, clearly shocked.
"What? You're actually going for it?" he asked, not believing what he'd heard. Sirona nodded, but made no attempt to get up from her spot on the floor.
"Well, go on then if you're so keen. Let's see it!" Lee said, obviously not believing her. Sirona's blood seemed to run cold once she realised what she had just agreed to, but she had a plan. Lee never told her who she had to kiss; he never said it couldn't be someone already privy to the dare, just that she couldn't say anything to them. For example, Lee never said that it couldn't be one of them.
Sirona rose to her knees, looked around the circle of boys, and her eyes landed on Fred, who still looked shocked at her agreement to the dare. She clumsily shimmied her way over to him from across their little circle, placed her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, and before Lee could ask her just what she thought she was doing, Sirona pressed her lips to Fred's, promptly shocking them all, including herself.
Sirona had her eyes closed tightly, so she couldn't see the expression on Fred's face, but she could imagine his wide-eyed stare and could feel his unresponsive lips. She was actually about to pull away when Fred finally processed what was happening, and she felt him start to move as a hand made its way to the back of her head and his lips parted into the kiss. It was Sirona's turn to be shocked as the kiss lasted longer than she had originally intended.
When they finally parted, Sirona could feel the blush creeping from her neck to her cheeks and spreading until it reached the tips of her ears as Lee's cries of "That's cheating!" assaulted her ears.
The memory of that night had been playing on repeat in her mind as she zoned out in Potions class all morning. It had been a stupid dare, nothing more, right? The more she thought on it (which was much more than she had ever previously done thanks to her friends), the more worried she became. Why had she chosen Fred? Technically, Lee and George had been closer to her than he was; she could've easily chosen one of them. Also, why had Fred bothered to kiss her back? Before, she had just chalked it up to him being a cheeky bastard, but thanks to Caroline and Roger, Sirona was starting to question everything.
This is ridiculous, Sirona thought to herself as she walked with Caroline and Roger to their Transfiguration class. I'll just ask him myself. I'll get this cleared up in no time, and then Caroline and Roger can eat their stupid words.
Fred was late for Transfiguration, which in and of itself wasn't out of character for the boy, but it put Sirona on edge as she impatiently drummed her fingers on their shared table. She wanted to get this sorted out as soon as possible so that she could stop worrying herself about it. The whole thing was getting unbearable.
"Thanks for saving a seat for me, love," he told her as he took his seat after McGonagall gave him a stern scolding. Sirona rolled her eyes.
"I didn't save it for you; it's where you've been sitting since term started," she said in a snippy voice, causing Fred to raise his eyebrows at her.
"Someone's in a mood," he noted aloud as he pulled his textbook from his bag. "You're not still on edge thinking about Moody's class this afternoon, are you? If you want, we could skive off."
"I'm not skipping class with you, Fred," she snapped immediately, almost cutting his sentence short.
"Relax, it was just a joke," he said. "What's gotten your knickers all in a twist today? You were much more agreeable last night."
Sirona sighed. She knew she shouldn't be taking her frustrations out on Fred. After all, he was not yet privy to the conversation she and her friends had shared the previous night nor was it his fault.
"Sorry," she said, rubbing at her tired eyes with her hands — she'd not slept very well the night before. "It's just, Roger and Caroline thought they'd impart some of their 'wisdom' onto me last night, and it's left me in a foul mood."
Fred sniggered.
"Oh, no," he teased. "Is this anything like when Davies told you that you needed to improve your Reverse Pass? You two didn't speak for a week."
"First of all, my Reverse Pass is far superior to anyone else's at this school; it's not my fault if Roger can't catch it in time," she said, a smile finally forming on her face. "Secondly, Roger and Caroline have, through that loudmouth Lee Jordan, found out about the Truth or Dare game from last May."
"Oh, so we do remember that day, now?" Fred said, a grin spreading across his face. "Glad to see that your selective amnesia has finally cleared up."
Sirona rolled her eyes, taking a calming breath before continuing with what she needed to say.
"They seem to be under the impression that — well, they think that maybe you seemed to have gotten the wrong sort of impression," she continued tentatively, more nervous than she thought she would be. Fred quirked a brow, his grin faltering just a bit.
"Oh? And what impression might that be?"
"They seem to think that you fancy me," Sirona blurted out, not knowing how to put it more delicately. For a moment, Fred didn't say anything, and Sirona tapped her fingers on her desk anxiously. "I've told them that that's all nonsense, of course. But you know how they can be. Apparently, when I told them of our plans for the Yule Ball, that seemed to be the last nail in the coffin."
"Well, you seem to have the rumour mill under control, so I'm glad we've had this chat," Fred finally replied, and Sirona frowned, not satisfied with his tone.
"Are you mad at me?"
Fred let out a sound that sounded somewhere between a sigh and snort of laughter.
"Of course not. You said it yourself; we're friends, nothing more. Just because Becker and Davies have nothing better to do than overanalyse every action I make, it doesn't change that," he told her. Sirona let out a small sigh of relief at his words.
"We are still going to the ball together, right?" she asked after a moment of thought.
"If you want," Fred replied, and Sirona thought she might been imagining things, but something in his tone seemed a bit off-kilter. "I wouldn't want you worried about what people thought, now would I?"
Sirona frowned.
"It's not that I was worried about what they thought," she said. "I was just worried that—"
"What? That I fancied you?" Fred interrupted. "Get over yourself, Bordeaux."
Sirona furrowed her brows, confused as to why he seemed to be angry with her over something her friends had put in her head in the first place.
"This whole thing is stupid. I know you don't fancy me, so it wasn't me being full of myself. I shouldn't have even said anything. So sorry for even bringing it up and inconveniencing you, Weasley," she snapped back in the same snippy tone he had been using as she angrily busied herself with scribbling down notes from the lecture, refusing to look at him.
"Whatever," Fred mumbled from beside her.
The two didn't do much talking for the rest of the class; though, this wasn't too unusual as McGonagall had them attempting to turn their eyebrows a different colour, and the seemingly simple spell proved difficult to get right. Sirona kept sneaking glances at Fred from the mirror in front of her, calling him childish names in her head every time she did so.
"He told me to 'get over myself,'" Sirona exclaimed angrily to Roger and Caroline over lunch. "Can you believe that? Like I walk around thinking that everyone's in love with me or something! I never even thought he fancied me until you two poked your noses into it! I only really told him about it to prove to you how wrong you were, but then he had to go and be a prat about the whole thing!"
"Well, I have to admit that I never thought you'd actually talk to him about it," Roger said through a mouth full of food. "But, hey, you were right, and we were wrong. We can admit when we're wrong, can't we Caroline?"
Caroline rolled her eyes and muttered something under her breath. Sirona cupped her hand around her ear dramatically.
"I'm sorry; I didn't quite catch that," she said.
"I said that it doesn't technically prove anything," Caroline said, louder this time. "He could've been lying for all we know. Besides, why else would he get so cross?"
"Probably because I brought up something that happened months ago, that we've hardly spoken about — something that I did, by the way, not the other way around — and practically accused him of carrying a torch for me this whole time because of it when he was, just as I had told you, only being himself!" Sirona said irritably. "It's no wonder he thinks I'm full of myself, not that it gave him any right to say what he did," she added.
"Fine. I'm sorry, all right?" Caroline said in a sulky voice. "I should've just let the whole thing alone"
Sirona smiled at the words, relishing in them.
"Your apology is taken under advisement," she said, and Caroline scoffed.
"I'll put you under advisement if you aren't careful," she replied, causing Sirona and Roger to snigger to themselves, which in turned, forced a smile onto Caroline's face.
After lunch was over, the three Ravenclaws made their way to their double Defence Against the Dark Arts lesson. When the Weasley twins walked into the classroom, Sirona noticed that Fred didn't so much as glance at her as they sat in their usual spot across the aisle from her and Caroline's desk.
"You're suddenly too good to acknowledge me now?" she muttered, not really expecting Fred to hear her but not really caring if he had. He did seem to catch the snide remark because he replied with,
"Well, I wouldn't want your friends to think anything untoward about our relationship."
Sirona narrowed her eyes but didn't look at the Gryffindor boy as she angrily pulled her book from her schoolbag. From beside her, Caroline sank down a little further in her chair.
Much to everyone's surprise, their professor — who Sirona was certain was quite mad indeed — informed them of his lesson plan for the day: They were all to be put under the Imperius Curse.
"Only for a short while, just to demonstrate its power and to see which one of you has what it takes to fight it off."
Sirona supposed he'd said this to put them all at ease, but she didn't feel comforted in the slightest. He was going to use an Unforgiveable on them? Was he planning on doing this to her sisters as well? To her surprise, it was a Slytherin girl that spoke out against the usage of the curse. Moody gave an explanation along the lines of the headmaster wanting them to know what it felt like to be put under the curse.
"I highly doubt that Dumbledore has the authority to give any clearance to use—"
"Well, if you wish to leave, Miss Kent, then no one's stopping you. The door's right over there," Moody said, pointing one of his gnarled fingers at the door. The girl huffed but did not remove herself from the classroom. "Anyone else?"
No one moved, even though Sirona desperately wanted to, but she wasn't about to be the only one to walk out of the lesson. She vaguely wondered if her classmates felt the same way. Perhaps they were all just waiting on someone else to get up, to say they wouldn't do it and leave. Because of this, Moody told them all to stand, and they cleared the centre of the room of the desks and the lesson started without interruption. Sirona felt herself growing anxious as she watched her classmates walk to the centre when their name was called only to be forced to do the most ridiculous things. No one seemed able to fight it, and while others in the classroom laughed at the harmless stunts Moody had their classmates do, Sirona couldn't bring herself to so much as crack a smile as she thought about why this curse was listed as an Unforgiveable.
After Caroline was forced to sing a rousing rendition of "Heart of Glass," which Sirona supposed would've been embarrassing if Caroline's voice hadn't suddenly changed to that of an angel's — a doing of the curse, Sirona was sure because she had heard Caroline sing before, and it didn't normally sound this good — it was Sirona's turn.
"All right, Solan, it's your turn," Moody said after Caroline returned from the centre of the classroom. Sirona pushed off the wall that she'd been leaning on at a languid pace and walked to the centre.
"It's Bordeaux, Sir," she muttered, shaking off her cloak to leave herself in just her skirt and button-up shirt. She didn't want to her robes tripping her up if Moody had her do any gymnastic stunts or what-have-you.
Sirona stared at the tip of Moody's wand as he pointed it at her, and she felt the sudden need to take cover. Having a wand pointed at your face was hardly ever a good thing in the wizarding world, and it produced a very strong fight-or-flight response in Sirona. However she felt, Sirona forced herself to stay put, blinking slowly at the man and waiting for him to get on with it.
"Imperio!"
Sirona was immediately in a wonderful haze with not a care in the world. It was comforting in a way, and the need to flee left her at once, leaving her with a dazed look in her eye. She heard Moody's voice in the back of her mind, giving her direct instructions to perform Odette's first dance in Act II of Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake. Sirona had never actually seen the famous ballet, nor did she have any history with ballet in the slightest, but this didn't seem to stop her body from doing exactly as she was told.
It was a weird feeling. She could feel her body moving and the muscles straining to bend and move in ways that were unfamiliar to her. Of course, some of the moves were near impossible to do without someone to play the part of Siegfried, but Sirona continued to twirl and dance around the centre of the room with all the gracefulness of a professional ballerina nonetheless.
As her body continued to move of its own accord, a nagging voice began to pester her from the back of her mind, not Moody's but her own. A strange and strong since of déjà vecu began to worry her with each passing moment, causing the haze to lift, not enough for her body to halt its actions, but enough for her to not feel so content anymore. Why? Why did this feel familiar to her? The feeling of not controlling her own body shouldn't have been something she was accustomed to; she certainly didn't remember ever having been under the Imperius Curse before. So, why did she feel as though she'd been in this situation already?
The feeling was enough to confuse and frighten her, and she wanted desperately to put an end to it. She tried to open her mouth to tell Moody to stop, but her mouth stayed shut, as she had not been ordered to speak, and she was nowhere near strong enough to fight the curse of her own accord. So, her body continued to move, her skirt flouncing about as she performed little jumps and twirls.
Sirona could feel her herself becoming panicked despite the haze that pushed down on her mind. She didn't like this one bit, and she wanted it to stop. The inability to even squeak out a small sound was terrifying to her, causing her to feel claustrophobic inside her own body. Plus, the nagging sense of familiarity was too much to stand. Had she'd had complete control of her body, there was no doubt in her mind that, at this point, she'd be in tears; she certainly felt like crying.
She only vaguely felt the wetness on her cheeks as she continued her dance, and the call for Moody to stop finally came, but not from her.
"Stop it!"
Sirona only barely recognised Caroline's voice through the haze and through the mounting fear she felt, and almost immediately, Moody's voice in the back of her head was telling her to stop and to turn to face him. So, she did. Only after Moody appraised Sirona's appearance did he finally lift the curse.
Almost immediately, Sirona doubled over with a sob that only halfway came out. Her muscles ached as she took in shaky breaths, and she watched as little drops of water hit the stone floor. Tears. She now realised that they had been falling from her eyes before Moody had lifted the curse. Perhaps a great feat, but Sirona couldn't be bothered to care.
"Well done, Miss Bordeaux," he said in a gruff voice. "Not an outright act of defiance, but it's a start. With a bit of practice . . ."
Sirona didn't bother to finish hearing what the man was saying as she darted from the classroom, her shoes tapping against the stone in a furious rhythm as she sprinting down the corridor, finally coming to a stop at a classroom she knew was not currently in use by the school. She only halfway closed the door behind her, not caring that it was still half open as she sat down on the floor, shaking and crying. She raised a hand to cover her mouth to muffle the sobs, not wanting to attract any more attention to herself.
A minute or so later, she heard the clacking of more footsteps down the corridor, and she lifted her head just in time to see Roger and Caroline rushing past the abandoned classroom, clearly having not spotted her in it. It seemed as though Roger had been carrying her robes and schoolbag that she'd left behind in Moody's class, which Sirona was thankful for; it meant she didn't have to walk back to the class to retrieve her belongings.
Though thankful, Sirona stood from the floor, walked over to the door and pushed it shut. She didn't want her friends circling back around to find her in a crying heap on the floor. She loved them dearly, but she needed a moment to think on just why she was crying in the first place. She turned, rested her back against the wooden door and slid back down to the stone floor, picking at a loose thread on the hem of her skirt, the tears finally slowing down as she sniffled.
What on earth had gotten hold of her? No one else had made such a fuss. Then again, that feeling — why had it been so familiar to her? Her mind flashed to The Incident during her second year, but she quickly shook the thought away. That was ridiculous. What did that have to do with anything? What? Someone Imperio'd her to fall off her broomstick? What an idiotic notion.
Still, the nagging in the back of her mind didn't go away, and she suddenly felt the urge to write to Saegon, not to tell him about the experience but to make sure that he was okay. It was an odd response to the entire thing — she recognised that — but she couldn't help how she felt. Why on earth she thought Saegon was in any sort of present danger, she hadn't the slightest clue, but a memory seemed to be resting somewhere in the shadows of her mind that might have shed some light on this entire thing; it was a memory she couldn't quite reach, and she wasn't entirely sure if it was real or if she was just making up things to try and explain away her embarrassing outburst in Defence class.
Sirona sat there for what felt like an eternity. In honesty, she wasn't quite sure how much time had passed — surely the class had ended by now, but she couldn't be certain. It really wasn't like her to keep the people that cared about her worrying for such a long time, which they undoubtedly were. However, she had to admit that she did find the quiet of the abandoned room peaceful. The dusty, neglected desks and chairs didn't prod her with questions that she could not answer like her friends would try to do later. It allowed her to just exist in the moment, to sit in silence, providing the comfort of solitude that sometimes one needed over being surrounded by people that cared maybe a little too much.
Just as she was starting to really appreciate the solitude, the knob of the door turned, and Sirona felt the door push against her back. The door didn't open as whoever was on the other side hadn't pushed with enough force to knock a sixteen-year-old girl out of the way. Sirona looked up at the door handle, as though it were going to announce who was interrupting her aloneness. A soft knock sounded instead.
"Sirona?"
Despite the stupid argument they had had earlier in the day, Sirona found herself thankful to hear Fred's voice on the other side of the door rather than Caroline's or Roger's. Even so, she wasn't ready to open the door just yet. She still didn't want to talk about it; besides, a part was her was still stubbornly angry with him.
"I know you're in there. Open the door."
"No." The futile response came out weak and half-hearted on her part, as though she knew she shouldn't waste any real effort on keeping the Gryffindor boy out. She knew he would do whatever he pleased.
"Fine," he said, "I'll just stand out here and cause a scene until you do."
Sirona rolled her eyes at his response, but she slid away from the door, only enough for it to open wide enough to allow Fred to squeeze into the room, then she stretched out her arm and twisted the doorknob, still childishly refusing to stand. Fred pushed his way into the room, closing the door behind him, and Sirona slid herself back against the door. Fred looked down at her, but she avoided his stare, opting to pick at a small scab on her knee. Fred rolled his eyes and dropped himself to the floor beside her.
"How'd you find me?"
"Map," was Fred's response, and Sirona quirked a brow in curiosity but didn't look at him.
"Thought you and George gave that to Potter last year."
"We did," Fred assured. "I just asked him for a quick peak at it."
Sirona let out a small hum of acknowledgment at his explanation, and he nudged her with his elbow, trying and failing to get her to look at him.
"Are you all right?"
"What do you care?"
The words were out of her mouth before Sirona could properly think about why they might be a bad idea. She immediately cursed herself in her head before finally gazing up at Fred with an apologetic look.
"Sorry, that was rude," she acknowledged aloud, and Fred chuckled. "It's just that I don't feel like talking about it," she admitted.
"So, let's not talk about it," he agreed. "After all, you freed up a slot for your selective amnesia earlier today. I think this afternoon should be permitted to take its spot."
Sirona smiled a bit. It was silent for a moment before she decided to speak again.
"Sorry for accusing you of fancying me today," she said. "But just so you know, it's not like it's something I've been thinking all this time. Roger and Caroline were the ones that even put it in my head, so it wasn't me being self-absorbed." Fred let a sigh slip from his lips.
"That's not really why I was—" he stopped himself when Sirona looked up at him again. Her tears had long since dried up, but the subtle streaks of where they had rolled down her cheeks could still be seen if one were to look closely enough. "Let's just drop it," he continued instead, "and go back to normal."
"I'd like that," Sirona admitted. "Besides, you already promised to take me to the ball; it'd be no fun if we were cross with each other."
Fred let out a small laugh as he nodded in agreement.
"Dinner's going to start soon," he informed her. She let out a small noise of complaint as he moved in a way that implied that he was about to get up.
"Can't we just stay here a bit longer?" she whined. "I'm not quite ready to face the inquisition yet."
Fred nodded and relaxed back into the door. Sirona sighed, content for the moment. She leaned over and rested her head on Fred's shoulder, blinking slowly as she realised just how tired she was. The crying and all the emotion from earlier seemed to have taken a lot out of her. Fred slowly raised his arm and placed it securely around her shoulders, resigned to allow her to sit in the silence for as long as she needed.