Chapter 5: Mutual Thoughts
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Chapter 5: Mutual Thoughts
Intrigued or not, he'll make sure to avoid her at all costs. He was frustrated with himself for the unfamiliar feelings he had towards the woman. The last time he had such feeling was that for Lily and if he was honest, it frightened him. He loved Lily and only her and even though she was long gone, his loyalty would never waver. Thanks to her, he wasn't consumed entirely in the Dark Arts and after all, he had a job to do. To protect her son.
The fact that he had these frightening feelings was a big cause of concern. If he was to continue to spy on the Dark Lord for the Order, now of all times, and to get distracted by a woman would be an inevitable catastrophe. In the current climate, he had to be fully committed to the cause. Also, his main reason was that he knew he didn't deserve the love of a woman and he had way too much emotional trauma. The only way to keep her out was to build the walls higher around himself.
Dumbledore touched his shoulder lightly to draw his attention. "Do you find her enchanting, Severus?", Severus slowly turned his head towards him and glared. The audacity, or is it?
"No, Headmaster. To be frank, I would prefer to avoid her. She might mean trouble in the future," Dumbledore looked amused at him.
Severus knew that Dumbledore read him like a book even if no one else could. He knew he was in denial, but it was his way of protecting himself against any distractions for the future war that he was convinced was on its way.
"Come now, Severus. Give her a chance. She has a humble and kind spirit, but, to say it modestly, also an air of stubbornness and an unyielding noble heart," Dumbledore sneakily popped another lemon drop into his mouth.
Severus turned around, now close to strangling the man, to leave. Dumbledore was playing matchmaker! The woman barely arrived at the school and Dumbledore wanted him to find romance now of all times. It almost appeared that nothing was wrong in the wizarding world and that the most powerful dark wizard was not threatening to take over the world. The senile fool!
"I am convinced that you two will find common ground."
Severus scoffed and left through the door at the back of the Great Hall. Dumbledore didn't even try to keep Severus in the Great Hall to hear the story of the woman's life that would certainly change his perspective of her, for he knew that Severus was equally stubborn as Athena. A Gryffindor trait that Severus hated in others, but exhibited proudly himself.
Dumbledore knew that if he was to bring them together, he'll have his work cut out for him, because they were both equally stubborn, but yet, they were entirely opposites in other areas.
The door slammed shut behind him and he could finally breathe some fresh autumn air from the corridor. He was so angry, he wanted to hex Mrs Norris.
He walked off with a determined step towards the sanctity and tranquillity of the dungeons, all while thinking that he didn't care if he hurt Athena's feelings or how bad the others thought of him.
Athena tried to ignore the dejected feeling in her chest, unsure what to make of Severus Snape's behavior. Have they met outside Hogwarts apart from their school years when she might have wronged him? Maybe at St. Mungo's while she still worked as a Healer? What made her beside herself was that, beyond his unfair treatment of her, she found him, to her displeasure and against her personal vows to never commit to any man again, tremendously attractive!
He had a dark atmosphere that she wanted to avoid, but also and air of mystery that she wanted to know fully.
As if breaking the surface of water, her senses returned to cheerful chattering and her eyes refocused from staring blankly at the foot of Professor Sinistra.
"So dear, I'm happy to see that the many hours of assisting me in the Hospital Wing has payed off. Tell us about your time at St. Mungo's," Madam Pomfrey chimed.
Athena remembered the many Saturdays she had to help patch up and heal Quidditch players from severe fractures and concussions. Those hours fuelled her passion to become a Healer.
"I finished my studies at age 21 and assisted the Aurors out on the field during the war and all while that was happening, I received Auror training as well."
Professor Trelawney walked blindly and bumped into her, calling it off as a sudden prediction of the usual great danger in her future. Athena, annoyed, only rolled her eyes and was reminded why she never chose Divination as a subject.
"I then began to work at St. Mungo's at age 22 and when I was 27, I graduated as Master Healer," Madam Pomfrey looked at Athena full of pride, close to tears at the words of a student equally passionate about Healing just as she was. She, however, was the only one that was too caught up in Athena's words.
"That is so spectacular, dear, but forgive me for asking; why did you renounce such a noble calling?", Athena's throat closed slightly at the question from Professor Sprout and her heart sped up. She bit her lip and avoided the eyes of the teachers, palms sweaty and she fiddled with her wristwatch.
The silence stretched a little too long and she could understand why they wanted to know why she now stood as a newly appointed teacher instead of continuing her stable and much needed work at St. Mungo's.
"I-I've had this dream since I was young to one day travel around Europe and Africa to visit the wizarding communities and experience their cultures. Also, I had a passion to study the diverse branches of magic. Not Dark Magic, of course," Athena attempted to chuckle, but groaned inwardly. Her voice shook as she spoke. She could sense their suspicions from her stuttering and dilated eyes.
"A waste of good purpose if you ask me, but it's your life and your choice," Professor Vector spoke up.
"Quiet, Septima for heaven's sake! You sound just like Severus!", Athena felt a wee bit lighter and grateful for McGonagall defending her. Athena, however, thought that the others did not believe her or thought the same as Professor Vector.
"We're all just glad you could join us at Hogwarts!", Professor Flitwick squeaked in glee again and broke the tension.
They must never know what had happened in the last three years. She had this strange feeling that Dumbledore knew about her history, but he acted as if he didn't. If there was a chance that he didn't know about it, he would send her packing when he would find out.
After all, the teaching post is to bury her past from others and mostly herself, to begin anew. A fresh chapter. Would she succeed though?
Suddenly annoyed and offended at the slightly accusing looks from some of the teachers, she had a sudden urge to flee out of the Great Hall. She didn't want to run her mouth and ruin everything. Dumbledore would not tolerate it as she remembered her mother's words and her primary goal here and now was to leave a good first impression.
Thankfully, Dumbledore approached their little circle. Athena sighed in relief. "As much as we all would like to continue this gratifying welcoming feast, alas, I believe Miss Herrmann desires to return to her quarters to finish unpacking," all eyes turned on Athena. In reality, she had no more unpacking to do, but was thankful at Dumbledore's initiative.
Athena felt her face heating up while her eyes darted between the teachers. She wanted to contradict Dumbledore out of instinct to spare herself the embarrassment and to not appear rude, but the teachers gave nods and made sounds of understanding. She sighed her relief silently and the tension evaporated. Some of the teachers slowly began to make their way to the doors, while Athena stood frozen, calming her breathing.
"Do not worry yourself about Severus, my dear."
Athena yelped and jumped away from the sudden deep voice behind her and in the process, almost sprained an ankle. Dumbledore smiled at her reaction. She noticed while the group of teachers approached the doors that Snape was nowhere to be found. He left early. Her heart dropped.
"Forgive me, I did not mean to startle you," she returned a small smile. Her thoughts went back to Snape. "Severus can appear to be quite unapproachable, but just give him some time. He usually never approves of anyone new at the castle," he sounded amused.
"I would kindly ask you to tolerate him. Whatever Severus might throw your way, please do not take him too seriously," Athena raised an eyebrow at him. He wasn't tolerating her already, so why on earth should she? She reminded herself that he had been a teacher here long before her and that she had to respect him. She then nodded in agreement.
Just as she was about to turn to leave, Dumbledore spoke again. "Also, do not fear your past, for it is your choices that make you who you are," he winked at her, the twinkle still in his eyes and Athena got a revelation that she was right. He knew about her history. This gave her a sense of security, knowing that he still appointed her regardless. He granted her a fresh start knowing all along.
At that, she greeted the Headmaster gratefully and turned around to leave. She was indeed grateful for Dumbledore to see the good in everyone.
Severus frowned at the cauldron in front of him on the table, almost as if the thing offended him personally. He had to restock the supplies of the Hospital Wing, on Dumbledore's personal request, for Madam Pomfrey and he needed to brew an assorted and great amount before the day as out.
He flicked his wand and all of the fires under each of the twelve cauldrons began to burn. He lost so much time already that he could have had to brew because of that unnecessary little get-together. We never had any welcoming event for any other new teacher.
He began to throw the ingredients into the cauldron with perfected skill and stirred the cauldron like an artist who handles a paintbrush on a canvas to create a masterpiece. The art of potionmaking is indeed to be appreciated.
Would Miss Herrmann find it sensational?
Why did he just think that? This is all Dumbledore's fault! If he hadn't played matchmaker, he would certainly not be in this position where he simply could not stop seeing her blue eyes in front of him.
Severus began to ponder against his better judgment over her. The way she looked at him; tenderly, curious, almost as if she could see underneath the surface of his soul and found his deepest pain, secrets, regrets and desires there. Just the thought made him feel vulnerable, like a Legilimens peering into your mind. He just couldn't help it, for he has never seen such magnificent eyes. If he didn't know better, he could have sworn that she was a Seer. He would not admit that he felt unsettled, his feet swept from under him.
He nearly let his sleeve catch fire while his thoughts drifted. Mentally kicking himself, he stirred the cauldron seven times counterclockwise and then let it simmer, doing the same with all the others.
Severus saw himself as weak and growing soft at this point. Both things he loathed deeply. He was at his happiest when he was alone, brooding and intimidating. Why am I concerned over what the woman's interests are? Severus, you are in denial, and you know it, but you are romantically interested.
At that, he gave up and just stood in the dim light of his office, not even fighting his thoughts. He's been denying himself any joy, happiness and pleasure in all forms, ever since he gave the Prophecy to the Dark Lord years ago that caused the Potters' death. What his whole life had come to, that was his punishment and redemption in one. His guilt still gnawed at his heart and motivated him.
To him, joy and common pleasures were distractions from his vowed life's purpose to protect Harry Potter and a distraction from his spying duties. He was never a man who wore his heart on his sleeve.
Romance never ended well for him, that's why he gave up at it after Lily and closed in on himself and others. Legilimency helped very much to conceal his emotions, especially his hatred for the Dark Lord in his presence. He had so much at stake for walking on this tightrope of a double life, but yet he had nothing to lose at the same time.
If he was to fall in love with her, he'll have something to lose.
He hit his head hard against the wall to just stop thinking and tried to occlude his mind, but to no prevail for this woman took him by storm.