"There you go, Pa." Mark set a plate of scrambled eggs on the table.
"Thank you." Luke picked up his fork and tried a bite, wincing as he swallowed. He got up and went into the bedroom for the laudanum.
Mark was staring at the table when his father came out and sat down again. "Pa, I'm awfully sorry."
The big man sighed. "I know you are." He took another bite of the eggs, then pushed the plate away. "You'd better finish it. I don't think I can eat any more right now." He had tied a bandana around his neck but Mark could still see the bruises from Faye's hands.
The boy tried eating but the food stuck in his own throat. "I don't feel much like eating either."
"Then get the dishes done." Luke's voice was very quiet. He went out to sit on the porch, staring into space. He could hear Mark washing the dishes, and he tensed up when the boy got done and came out on the porch to sit next to him.
"Pa, I'm…"
"Don't, Mark." Luke held up a hand. "Don't say you're sorry anymore. Sorry is just a word. It doesn't change anything."
"Do you still love me?" The boy's voice was so quiet his father had to strain to hear him.
"Look at me, son." Luke waited until Mark met his eyes. "I love you more than anything in the world. Nothing could ever change that."
"But something's not right between us." Mark's voice was shaky.
"No, it's not." Luke said slowly, "I've always been so proud of you. I never thought you would do something to make me ashamed of you." The boy's face turned white at the harsh words but Luke went on. "And I'm ashamed of myself. I knew Mack was just doing his job. I know there's no cure for hoof and mouth disease and that's why we have a law that sick cattle have to be slaughtered. And I still acted badly, so badly that I set a poor example for you. If I hadn't…"
Mark said quickly, "You're not responsible for what I did."
"I feel like I am." Luke was back to a blank stare. "I apologized to Mack. We shook on it." He rubbed his throat. "Maybe if I'd done it sooner…"
"Pa, let's get out of here," said Mark. Luke didn't respond. "Pa, do you hear me? There's no cattle to look after and the fields are plowed and seeded. Let's just go away for a while."
The big man's expression was desolate. "What good would that do?"
"I don't know but I can't stand it here!" Mark jumped up. "I'm sor...I mean...I just feel like I want to go someplace else. Please? We could go fishing. We always had a good time fishing."
Luke considered. He hadn't wanted to say anything to his son but he wasn't comfortable in the little house either. Everywhere he looked he was reminded of happier times. Now he didn't know what to think, of Mark or of himself. Maybe taking a few days would help them get back to the way they should be with each other. "All right. Get the gear and we'll go fishing."