Hey, y'all, I'm not actually sure if this is ready to post yet but I know that I tend to overthink/nitpick so I could be wrong. Please excuse any grammatical issues or awkward sounding paragraphs, my meds are really fuckin w my brain and making it hard to process words properly.
From here on out, things will start getting a little lighter story-wise! There will be some residual angst, but hopefully it's not too much!
"No… no-no, what have I done?" Hawk Moth stumbled slightly at the sight before him, falling to his knees.
An overwhelming feeling of dread passed over the villain and it took real effort on his part to not empty the contents of his stomach. This wasn't supposed to happen. This was never supposed to happen. They were his enemies, sure, but the whole reason he could live with all the terror he caused was because he knew Ladybug would set it right again. He knew no one would ever be in real danger, the Cure would save them. He just wanted to save his wife—how could he ever face her again after this if he succeeded?
"No-no-no-no-no-no, Ladybug, please get up! Get up, purify my akuma, and set the world right! Use your Miraculous Cure and save yourself!" Hawk Moth felt a burning sting in his eyes now, the full weight of what he'd just done slowly setting in. He had just killed a child. She couldn't have been older than his eldest son, and he'd just taken her life so easily. He'd denied her of everything she ever aspired to be, robbed her of everything she ever wanted to do, of everyone she'd ever meet. He had killed someone's child, someone's grandchild, someone's friend!
Hawk Moth broke down, his control over the akuma weakening enough for it to be forced out of its host and begin flying back home. However, being that Hawk Moth could still see through its eyes, he could almost clearly see the heroine's unnaturally still body. His breath hitched and he forced the akuma to land. He needed to know whose life he'd stolen.
Hawk Moth turned his akuma around to face the scene and gaped with growing horror at the bloody mess that surrounded the two heroes. There was so much… How could any one person have so much blood inside them, especially someone as tiny as Ladybug? Hawk Moth shook his head and moved his akuma around so he could see her face. Finally getting a good look, he found the source of all the blood to be a perfectly sized hole had ripped through the young Ladybug's chest. His mind did flips as he wracked it for how that could've happened. Everything had happened so fast that he still hadn't fully processed it. Hawk Moth scanned around the area until he found a bloody piece of rebar that had broken off from a, now demolished, building.
He rewound his memory and retraced the steps that led to their current situation. The akuma he'd released that day had given a disgruntled construction worker the power to accelerate the speed of anything he touched. It seemed he'd been upset that his job would keep him from attending his daughter's birthday party, and he needed a way to move things along faster. The situation was made worse by an argument with his wife where she chewed him out for choosing his job over his family, making him vulnerable enough that accepting his power had been pretty much guaranteed. And accept, he did.
He replayed the battle in slow motion, focusing more on the tail end of the battle, and watching every single piece of debris that Overworker launched towards the teen heroes. Chat Noir was being particularly obnoxious at one point, probably in an attempt to cause a distraction, and, in a fit of rage, the akuma destroyed a support pillar and launched several pieces of debris towards the heroes at extremely high speeds. Hawk Moth watched Chat dodge expertly around every projectile, knocking away the ones he couldn't evade with his baton. Ladybug had been about to call for her Lucky Charm when it happened. In a brief moment of divided attention, a particularly fast-moving projectile shot towards her and ripped clean through her chest.
Ladybug stood frozen before she began to fall from the roof she'd been perched on. Chat Noir noticed instantly when her cry for her power suddenly cut off and turned to see the horrific sight. He instantly ran to her side screaming and jumped to catch her before she hit the ground, completely ignoring the akuma behind him. Hawk Moth knew immediately that she was gone before she even hit the ground. The wound was too close to her heart and he could feel a sudden lack of emotions coming from her. He felt his body begin to shake and the stinging in his eyes turned into full tears as he clutched at his own chest. She never had a chance. Not to dodge, not to call her Lucky Charm, and not to call for her Cure.
Before he could have another breakdown, a flash of light in his mind's eyes grabbed his attention. The akuma was still there, watching the scene when Chat Noir's transformation faded. It seemed that while he'd been processing what happened, Ladybug's transformation had also dissipated and he sucked in a breath at the girl's face. He recognized her. She was one of his son's classmates, a girl with a very obvious crush on him and a tentative friend to him. He'd killed his son's friend.
Slowly, he looked up to Chat Noir to see the poor boy he'd no doubt traumatized. Hawk Moth choked, his tearful eyes widening significantly as he stared in disbelief. No-no-no-no-no, anyone but you.
Félix Agreste sat on his knees, holding his best friend and trusted partner's bleeding body in his arms with a look of absolute horror. And suddenly, Gabriel couldn't breathe, a sense of overwhelming panic adding onto his grief as he realized he'd nearly killed his own son. Not only that, he'd permanently scarred him with a horrific memory that even he had never dealt with, including the situation with Emilie. The scream that tore through his son's throat broke him completely.
Félix completely shut down for weeks following the horrific incident. He barely remembered reluctantly returning the Ladybug Miraculous (with Plagg's direction) to Master Fu before he immediately isolated himself to grieve. It still didn't feel real. Every time he woke up during the night and got the urge to escape as Chat Noir, he would find himself thinking 'maybe Ladybug is out tonight' only for the realization to crash down on him yet again. Or he would be mindlessly scrolling through some website and see a particular bad pun and think 'oh, I have to tell Ladybug, she's going to hate it!' until he remembered. Those nights were the worst.
Plagg was surprisingly taciturn after the whole affair had gone down and had pretty much left Félix to his own devices to allow him to process the trauma he had experienced. The Kwami did make sure his Chosen knew that if he ever wanted to talk, he would be there for him, which Félix greatly appreciated.
After a little more than a month and a half after the incident, the young man finally felt that he was in a place where he could at least try to talk about it. He'd processed a lot of the big emotions and while there was still an aching hole in his chest where his partner used to be, he still wanted to voice what he'd been thinking.
"Plagg, I don't think I can be Chat Noir anymore," he mumbled, his voice hoarse and scratchy from weeks of disuse.
The Kwami frowned and floated over to rest on Félix's shoulder, gently petting his cheek. He stayed silent, though gave him a look that encouraged him to explain further.
"I know Master Fu is looking into finding a replacement Ladybug, but I just can't do it. I can't work with another Ladybug, it feels so wrong. Like… physically wrong. No one will ever be able to replace her. No one will ever make being Chat Noir feel worth it like she did. I don't want to be Chat without her… Plus, I don't think I could handle failing another one." His voice broke as he explained and Plagg only nodded in sympathy.
"If you feel like you can't do it anymore, kid, that's okay."
To say his assent surprised the man next to him would be a gross understatement. It was enough for Félix to pull his gaze from the hole he'd been boring into the floor to look at his Kwami and closest friend. Plagg could see the question burning in his eyes so he continued.
"Being what I am, I have lost a lot of wielders over the centuries. Some died in battle, some of disease, some of just old age. I could have prevented some of the more unnatural deaths had I been a better partner, but for a long time, I resented my responsibilities. I hated that I had no say in what I wanted my life to be. I thought it was a curse and I wanted nothing more than to be free and enjoy eternity with my Sugarcube." The black cat turned away a little in shame before he continued.
"I know what it's like to lose a partner. I know what it's like to feel like it's your fault. In my case, it was one hundred percent my fault that some of my Kittens died… but this was not yours. You are not to blame for what happened. Only Hawk Moth holds that responsibility. However, this was a major blow to you, and if you feel like you can't go on being a Holder, that's perfectly fine."
Félix looked back down at his ring, thumbing the band affectionately. This had been his life throughout most of his high school years. This had always been his ticket to freedom. No family name, no neglectful father, no silent houses or mournful paintings. Just him and his Lady against the world. Despite everything, Félix still loved being Chat Noir and the thought of giving it all up filled him with even more sorrow. Yet, he knew he couldn't go on the same anymore.
"…I'm surprised you aren't fighting me more," he mumbled, a bit of bitterness creeping into his voice at how easy he was just letting him go.
Plagg sighed softly and moved to float in front of his charge's face. "Don't get me wrong, kid, I don't want a new Chosen. If I had things my way, you'd be stuck with me till the end of your days—but losing your other half, it's… devastating… and dangerous." Félix furrowed his brow at that.
"Dangerous?"
Plagg nodded. "Without your Ladybug, you are unbalanced. Being the Holder of one of the most powerful magical artifacts in the universe has connected you to something much bigger than yourself. Should you ever let this darkness consume you and use your power for things like vengeance, it could spell the end of everything as we know it."
Félix frowned at this, his Kwami's voice sounding more than a bit ominous. He had to admit that Plagg had a point. He honestly couldn't promise that he wouldn't stray from his path and use the power of destruction to avenge the love of his life.
"I—I don't want to lose you," he whispered. There were a lot of unspoken words and emotions in that sentence; they both knew what he meant.
"Just because you won't have the ring anymore doesn't mean we won't still share a connection. I can check in on you from time to time, and I'll be able to tell through that bond if something is seriously wrong." Plagg gently placed a paw on his cheek and tried to soothe his soul-damaged charge, the action awkward for him as he very rarely expressed affection.
"If you're ever in trouble, I'll come back. Probably with my new Holder." Félix nodded at that, a bit more reassured that he wasn't losing his closest little friend forever.
"We should wait until tomorrow before you go see the Guardian and return the ring. You should get some more rest."
Félix paused, not wanting to sleep for any longer, but feeling the emotional exhaustion wash over him again. "Okay," he muttered, laying back down and once again trying to force himself to sleep.
Ladybug's death, predictably, greatly affected the people of Paris. Citizens were losing hope in their heroes, and in their ability to stop the man that was terrorising their city. Chat Noir's continued absence did little to assuage those fears and in fact, only added onto them. If Hawk Moth hadn't been just as affected over Ladybug's death as the rest of Paris, it would've been the perfect breeding ground for powerful akumas.
About two months after the incident, the Mayor of Paris announced that he would be holding a memorial in honor of their fallen hero and taking the time to address some of the concerns that had arisen from this great tragedy. He'd invited Chat Noir to speak at the memorial if he so chose to, but would not hold it against him if he could not attend.
Félix only frowned at the TV screen as he watched the broadcast. Just two weeks ago, he had returned the Black Cat Miraculous to Master Fu, and currently had no way to show up and accept the offer that didn't involve revealing himself even if he wanted to. However, even though he had no desire to speak in public about something so painful, he did want to honor her memory and at least give the citizens a bit of peace of mind. It's what Ladybug would've done.
He'd also neglected his responsibility to announce his retirement to the general public. He knew his continued unexplained absence, as well as the appearance of new heroes, would only further upset the people and that would be dangerous for when Hawk Moth presumably returned. Félix knew the people would understand, but it was about time to make it official. Félix pulled out his phone and dialed Master Fu's number. He explained his desire to attend the memorial as Chat Noir and properly honor his fallen partner in public, as well as maybe try to ease the minds of the city that they protected so fiercely. Master Fu was, of course, hesitant as he tended to be, but eventually agreed to allow this one exception.
When the day of the memorial came, Chat Noir, for the first time in months, was spotted leaping across Paris towards City Hall. He was noticed only by a few wandering civilians, but Chat purposely tried to keep his attendance a secret.
Arriving at the event, Chat watched most of the ceremony from the roof of a nearby building while trying to compose himself as best as he could before he needed to go up and speak. Mayor Bourgeois was just finishing up his closing speech when he stopped before his final goodbye.
"Chat Noir, if you are here and wish to say a few words, please come down. There is no pressure, as we know how painful this must be for you, but if you'd feel comfortable sharing, we'd love to hear from you again." The Mayor paused and stepped away from the podium, the crowd waiting in silence in hopes that he would show up.
Chat took one last deep breath before he vaulted over the crowd and landed on the stage. There was a collective gasp and another beat of silence as he slowly stood from the crouch he'd landed in before the crowd suddenly started clapping and cheering. Despite the tiny bit of warmth that flooded Chat's chest at his reception, he turned and stoically walked up to the podium. The cheering persisted for a few seconds longer before quieting slightly to give Chat the opportunity to speak.
Chat nodded politely and clipped his baton to his back, resting his hands against the sides of the podium. He adjusted the microphone awkwardly and cleared his throat. There was another moment of silence before Chat finally addressed his city.
"Good afternoon, Paris. I'd like to apologize for my extended leave of absence, and, though I'm sure a lot of you wouldn't ask one of me, considering the circumstances, I'd like to offer you all an explanation." Chat let out a shaky breath and gripped the podium a little tighter.
"Firstly, I'm sorry for my absence. Ladybug and I worked hard to give you all the image that we were your protectors, that no matter what tragedy struck, we would always be your strength… and I failed to honor that." Chat swallowed the lump in his throat.
"As you all know or would have guessed, this has been especially hard for me… Ladybug was my best friend, the love of my life… my other half. However, many of you might not know that she was actually my only friend, both in and outside of the suit." The crowd seemed to wilt at the confession, their pity for him growing astronomically higher.
Chat started shaking slightly, his emotions becoming harder to suppress. When he spoke next, his voice was much more shaky than he would like. "And it's because of that that as of today, I am officially retiring from my hero duties." There was a short pause as his words sank in before the crowd exploded. They began begging and crying for him to stay, the fear they'd begun harboring after Ladybug's death reaching a climax after his announcement. Chat immediately raised a hand to calm them down.
"Paris… although I am retiring, you will not be without heroes. Given the promise Ladybug and I made, I would never leave the fate of our home in the hands of that murderer." The crowd seemed to calm down at this.
"Our successors have already been decided and my mentor, the one who trained Ladybug and I originally, will be personally overseeing their training to ensure that you all are sufficiently protected. I wish I could continue my duties in honor of my Lady, but I can't be Chat Noir without her. I don't want to. And… I don't want to fail another Ladybug." Chat paused for a long while, swallowing against the lump in his throat and blinking tears out of his eyes as he tried to compose himself.
"Trust me when I say that our successors are more than worthy to take over our roles. I can guarantee your safety in their hands. Thank you all, for giving me some of the best years of my life, and…" Chat turned to look at the statue they'd built in memoriam. "Thank you, Ladybug, for being the best partner I could ever ask for."
A single tear fell down Chat's face and he quickly wiped it away.
With that final sentence, the now former Black Cat Hero stepped back from the podium, pulled out his baton, and vaulted away into the vast cityscape of Paris, leaving its citizens to mourn the loss of yet another hero.