'I put my red hat in the wash and ruined Dad's shirt. He didn't put them all in the wash. He also wasn't working. so no harm done."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Dad saw an ad for an essay contest in Reading Digest. I sent an essay. The Contest topic was "What Makes America Great.". I got some inspiration by going to Springfield Forest and seeing a bald eagle. The Family won an all expense paid trip to Washington D.C when I made it to the National Finals. I visited many famous monuments to try and get inspiration. While there I saw BobArnold, a corrupt congressman, take a bribe, I hid and heard everything. I changed my essay, destroyed the original and wrote one called "Cesspool on the Potomac" revealing the corruption to everyone. Instead everyone hated it, but word spread about the speech. Congressman Arnold was arrested, removed from office and sent to Prison. He later became a born again christian. I didn't win the contest but I now believed in the government. The actual winner praised me in his speech. I was now famous as the girl who exposed the corruption in D.C. I guess this is really where my desire to get into politics began. I was famous. Bill Clinton came up to me while I had a sax and we played together. Someone took our picture. Now no one would leave me or my family alone once we got back to Springfield. We'd get fans coming to visit and people who wanted to interview me.
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Flanders invited us to a barbecue where he announced he was opening his own store.: The Leftorium, a store for left handed people. Dad pulled a wishbone with him and secretly hoped the store would fail. Lisa scolded him for enjoying something called "Shaud in froyder?" The Store closed and Dad bought some of the stuff he had to sell now that Flanders was in debt. He lost his house and he family was left to live in their car. Dad told him to open the Leftorium again and he spread the word. Dad loosened up towards Flanders after that, of course it would take him time to get his house back and he began to live in the Leftorium. At the time I had moved from Jud oclasses to Karate classes being taught by Akira. It paid off, I was able to stop some bullies from stealing Lisa's Sax."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"I had a bad day. Santa's Little Helper ate my homework. I forgot my permission slip for a field trip to a chocolate Factory and I lost control control of my skateboard. I crashed right onto the stairwell of the Legitimate Businessman's Social Club, which was owned by the Springfield Mafia. The Mob wasn't kind to me at first but I put my life on betting on a horse and I kept being right so they went easy on me. I also knew how to make Manhattans, so I became a bartender and errand boy. I felt great. I didn't really want to be a Mobster so I told myself I was just infiltrating the Mob to take it down from the inside. There was no need to bribe Skinner though, he was still madly in love with his fiancee Selma. The Mob even moved a bunch of stole cigarettes into me room. The Mob tried to intimidate Skinner after I got detention. Then Skinner went missing. They found him in his garage buried under piles of newspapers. No harm done. Anyway I was working for the mob now. I had it made."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Krusty the Clown had recently been exonerated and he had dinner at our house. When he did grace, Lisa realized he was Jewish. He broke down and told us his name was Herschel Krustofsky. He grew up on the Lower East Side of Springfield. His Dad was a rabbi named Hyman Krustofsky. His dad wanted him to be a...Yeshiva?...Yeah turns out Krusty was good at making people laugh and he became a comedian. Eventually he performed at a Convention and a rabbi squirted seltzer on his face and his makeup came off. Krusty didn't speak to his dad in 25 years. Lisa and I thought we would help reunite father and son. His Dad refused to accept Krusty's choice. Lisa brought up some jewish teachings about forgiveness but that didn't work. Then I was up and I got through to him by insisting he try to talk to Jrusty about all the struggles their people have overcame. In the end they made up. I gave the two a cream pie(yeah I know how that sounds) and Krusty's Dad threw it in his son's face."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"DETROIT BILLIONAIRE HERBERT POWELL MISSING!"
-Detroit News Headline.
"I don't know what happened! I was afraid. I knew the car business was ruthless but I never expected this. The last thing he said to me was that he loved me. It's almost like he knew! He knew! The last thing he did was make a huge donation to my operation. I'll be able to walk again soon. I got my legs back...But I'd give them up if it meant getting my brother back(Breaks down sobbing). Oh Brother where art thou!?"
-Homer Simpson in police interrogation after the Disappearance.
"We all loved Uncle Herb and hoped he would be found. I was afraid we'd never see him again. In a way I was right."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Yeah I missed Herb too, and it happened around Halloween too. Spooky. Mymind made up all kinds of wild fears about what happened to him. I wasn't too far off."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson.
"On Halloween night I had a nightmare. Dad bought a monkey's paw that game him four wishes. He used one wish to walk again but had a limp. Bart wished to become Rich and famous and it worked but everyone got sick of seeing us everywhere and we got bored with it. I wished for world peace and it worked but then aliens invaded and took over Hearth. Dad then wished for a turkey sandwich. It turned out to be a little dry. He was about to throw away the monkey's paw. Then Flanders came up to him and he decided to give it to him."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"I had a nightmare where I had godlike powers. The Krusty the Clown show was still on and running 24 hours. I also turned Dad into a Jack in the Box, though after a while I decided to change him back and we hugged it out."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"I had a nightmare where I could walk. I became a grave Digger and passed out drunk in a grave. had built a robot to replace human workers. He mistook me for a corpse took out my brain. When he put it in the robot it acted just like me. I guess this was a problem because Burns called it a failure. He kicked the robot and it fell on him. He seemed to have an idea. Then I woke up. I went to the mirror. Everything seemed fine. Nothing was wrong. I wish I'd known was going on with Herb at the time."
-Homer Simpson in recorded meeting with Monroe.
"CHARLES MONTGOMERY BURNS DEAD AT 81"
Mister Burns has been found dead. Cause of Death is unknown but has been listed by his assistant Wayland Smithers as a workplace accident at his Mansion home. Smithers claims. His last word was "Bobo". The meaning of this word is currently unknown.
OBITUARY
Charles Montgomery Burns was born in 1909 to Clifford and Daphne Burns. Other children of the couple include George Burns(a comedian), Zeph(conceived in an affair Daphne had with an unknown man), Cornelius, Cornelia(who married Sancho Hernandez and had one daughter, Pepita Hernandez), and Clifford Burns Jr. They had ten other children who had unknown names, all died early in childbirth. Daphne was half Egyptian and half Swedish. Daphne Burns is reported to have had an extra marital affair with William Howard Taft and it is speculated Charles Montgomery Burns was the son of Taft, thought this is disputed and both parents have claimed that Clifford is the father.
The young Charles Burns was described as happy. Then at a young age he made a choice between staying with his family or going with his grandfather, billionaire and former slaveholder, Colonel Wainwright Montgomery Burns(who was the inspiration for Harriet Beecher Stowe's Simon LeGree character in Uncle Tom's Cabin, and Stowe was asked to tone down the character. After his adoption, Burns lived a privileged life and amused himself by annoying immigrant laborers, often leading to their injuries. Burns also would hold now infamous wild and extravagant parties in the 1920's, being the inspiration for The Great Gatsby. Burns turned coldhearted as a result of his freedom to abuse and spoiled lifestyle. This ended when the Stock Market Crashed. He would enter Yale University, where he studied science and business, and played on the varsity football team. According to some conspiracy theories he joined the Stonecutter's Secret Society during this time but this likely false. Burns graduated from Yale in 1937, after which he wrote a book called The Rungs of Ruthlessness, a Book on Business advice, with each chapter being called a "Rung". In 1939, at Burns' Yale University Reunion, he had a relationship with Lily Bancroft. Allegedly this resulted in a child. Burns had a falling out with his Grandfather before his death and would leave for Germany that same year, then Germany invaded Poland. Burns had developed Nazi sympathies(something quite common in the US at the time) and joined the SS under an assumed identity. His forgery and American heritage was discovered and he fled to the US, returning in 1941, just as the US entered the war.
Burns served in the Flying Hellfish, under Master Sergeant Abraham Simpson, a group which nearly succeeded in assassinating Hitler. Burns was demoted to private after a romantic scandal and an attempt to block a probe from Hoover. This has led to speculation that Burns was undercover for the SS and intentionally sabotaging their efforts, including the failure to assassinated Hitler, which Abraham Simpson claims was from Burns throwing off his aim, or complaining about a dislike for Oskar Schindler and taking pride in manufacturing shells for the Nazis. Burns was dishonorably discharged when he tried to kill Abraham Simpson, allegedly as part of an unspecified deal they had made.
After the war, Burns was assigned by President Harry Truman to transport a specially printed trillion Dillar Bill to Europe as a symbol of the reconstruction of the continent as he was at the time the United States's richest citizen. Burns arrived without the bill, claiming that he had been intercepted during the flight by Soviet Pilots. Many believe Burns stole the Bill but no proof has yet to be found of this. Burns would see combat again as a member of the Flying Hellfish in the Korean War. At home, Burns pursued Biochemistry and, seeking to make his own fortune(it is speculated that he could not cash in the trillion Dollar Bill since when he tried his crime would be discovered). Burns got a job as a Professor at Springfield University working as the owner of a Biological Weapons Facility being held there. The Facility was used to test chemical weapons for the government beginning in 1965, with the intent that they'd be used in the Vietnam War. Peace activists broke in, causing a chemical weapon to spread. Burns passed out and was rescued by a woman named Mona Simpson, identified as one of the Peace Activists. She had been on the run since.
In 1968, Burns opened the Springfield Nuclear Plant with Waylon Smithers Sr. That same year, the Plant Suffered a Meltdown and Smithers Sr died to save the plant, leaving his son to be adopted by Burns. The Corpse of Waylon Smithers Sr was discovered by a group of children. Burns had attempted to dispose of it by dumping it in the sewers. Trace amounts of radiation were discovered. Burns reported on what had happened to the police but claimed that Smithers Sr wandered into the sewers on his own before succumbing to radiation poisoning. Burns recently lost the plant following the Three Eyed Fish Scandal and fell back on the Plant's Baseball team. He was also tried for hitting the 9 year Old Bartholomew Simpson. He is succeeded by his mother, Daphne Burns, who at 116, and is currently the oldest living human.
"DETROIT BILLIONAIRE HERBERT POWELL FOUND"
Renowned Detroit Billionaire and Car Manufacturer Herbert Powell has been found alive. His clothes were tattered and he had been shaved bald. There was a large sown up incision around his head. He claimed to have been captured and tortured yet no ransom demand was made.
"We all breathed a sign of relief when...Uncle Herb was found. Then he invited Dad to his home and well..."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
Homer knocked on the door.
"Come in" said Herb's voice. Homer entered.
"Hey ya Herb!"
Herb was standing by his desk. A flash of lightning behind him casting light on his face, revealing his now bald head and scar. A sense of dread seemed to come over Homer.
"Simpson."
Homer was confused.
"Hey! You look just like me but without hair!"
Herb looked at him.
"and you're..."
"You're...Walking."
Home changed the subject.
"Yeah thanks to that operation. Check this out."
He jumped in the air and clapped his feet together, letting out a yell before landing back on his feet.
"See I only broke one ankle."
"You're well...that's...disappointing."
Homer was confused.
"Herb? is something wrong."
"I assure you. Everything is fine." He seemed to pause."Except I'm not Herb."
Homer backed away in fear.
"Well then...What are you?"
"You don't recognize me?"
He put his fingers together.
"Excellent."
"Mister Burns!"
"That's right Simpson."
"But...How!"
"I was experimenting on seeing if I could remove my own brain."
"How'd it go?"
Herbert...Burns...Herburns deadpanned at him. Before answering.
"The Easy Part was getting my brain out. The hard part was getting my brain out."
"Oh that makes sense."
Homer thought back.
"Waitaminute! I had a dream about this! You stole my brain!".
"hmmm...yes, truth be told I've been planning on doing this for a long time. Of Course I was originally going to transfer my brain to your body and enjoy plowing your wife, as well as achieving my revenge for her thwarting my plans for Governor, but then you got yourself crippled jumping that stupid Gorge. I was willing to wait, but then well what do you know...You had a Brother, and he was a Billionaire. He was far more suitable for my purposes. "
Homer began to get confused.
"But I thought all that brain stuff was a dream."
"It was a dream...Or was it?"
"I thought you were going to put your head on my body."
"Oh please why would I do that when a brain transplant would be much easier?, even if I somehow could keep a head alive and just reattach it like that."
A question entered Homer's mind.
"So wait. If you're in there...then Where's Herb?"
"Oh he's Dead."
Homer became angrier than he'd ever been. His eyes were turning ted.
"What?"
"Well you see the Brain transplant..."
Homer tackled him with a loud roar. He began to punch him.
"F****,F***,F****,F**** YOU...KILLED...MY BROTHER!"
Hearing the commotion two armed men entered and immediately rushed to grab Homer, pulling him up. Herb picked himself up with bruises and cuts over his face and adjusted his tie.
"He's insane Gentleman. See to it he gets the help he needs."
Homer was dragged away screamed.
"I'M GONNA F***KIN' KILL YOU!"
The Door is shut. Herbert sits at his desk.
-Camera Recording from Herbert Powell's office.
"Please! You gotta believe me! is alive! He's inside Herb's Body!"
-Homer Simpson being dragged away to a mental institution.
"There was nothing we could do. He was being sent to a mental institution in Detroit. Of course we protested. Mom tried to get SNUH to do something, Bart with his mob connections and I tried to garner support but no one believed what he was saying and so he was even Lionel Hutz could have saved him."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"SUBJECT IS TO HAVE A LEATHER MASK CONCEALING HIS FACE ON AT ALL TIMES FOR HIS OWN SAFETY. THE KEY OF WHICH WOULD BELONG TO THE HEAD OF STAFF."
-mandate handed out regarding Homer Simpson's commitment by the order of Herbert Powell.
"Put em in with the little white guy who think's he's the little black guy"
Homer was thrown into a Cell. He was immense pain. The Door shut behind him. In the dark was a man. Home crawled away to the door in fear as the tall figure approached.
"Who're you?"
The figure seemed to have a stern expression and then he politely offered his hand.
"Hi I'm Michael Jackson from the Jacksons."
Homer nervously held his hand out.
"Homer Simpson from the Simpsons."
They shook hands. After that they sat on the bed and began to talk.
"I can't believe you've never heard of me. I'm a very popular entertainer."
Homer perked up.
"Well of course I've heard of you. You'd have to be living under a rock not to know what you say your name was?"
"Michael Jackson"
"Doesn't ring a bell."
"Well have you heard of MTV?"
"No."
"Motown?"
"Beat it?"
"You beat it!"
"Thriller?"
"What was that last one?"
"Thriller."
"No".
"Well how about this?"
He got up and began to dance, imitating Michael Jackson's dancing almost flawlessly, while singing Billie Jean.
"Wow...How'd you do that thing with your feet?"
"The Moonwalk?"
"no that thing with your feet."
He began to try to teach him. Home could barely keep his balance and was in pain when standing up. He became delighted before he looked away from his feet to find he had moved forward.
"Doh!"
Michael laughed. Homer laughed too and made his way back to the bed Michael was sitting on.
"You seem like a nice guy why'd they put you in here?"
-Conversation between Homer Simpson and Leon Kompowsky
"President Bush sat at his desk as Herbert Powell was ushered in."
"So what can I do for you Herb?"
"is this room safe."
"I assure you there are no recordings here."
He seemed to accept this.
"Hello World Council Member."
Bush frowned.
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"It's me. Number 29."
"What is the significance of that humber?"
"It's me Burns."
"Explain."
"I've carried out the world's first successful brain transplant."
"You know if you weren't a Stonecutter I'd have a hard time believing you but we keep Atlantis under wraps and Martians off our backs so I suppose I can add Brain Transplant Surgery to the list. So let me get this straight. You transplanted your brain into another younger Billionaire."
"Yes that's about the long and short of it."
"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't have you arrested right now."
"Because I can help you win reelection."
"Oh and how would you do that?"
"Well this new body is quite popular. I was thinking I'd be your running mate. Think about it. Bush, Powell 1992. So what do you say?"
"And what would you want out of me?"
"Well there's this family in Springfield I want taken care of."
He threw down some pictures from his pocket.
"I've already taken care of the Father. The Mother would be next but only after she helps us win. I am family after all. The girl can go too. She cost me a very important ally in Senator Arnold. The boy shall remain untouched. He saved my life."
"What about the little one?"
"I don't care about the little one. They've done nothing to wrong me."
"And why should I go along with this?"
"Because i can help you get reelected."
"Or I could just call in security and have you kicked out and tell everything to the press."
"If you do that I'll blow the lid off the whole Stonecutters Organization. Everything I know. I'm the oldest member."
"And yet only Number 29 after all those years, evidently you're not good at leading."
"I'm not but Herbert Powell is."
"My answer is no and I'll have you arrested."
"If you do that I'll tell everyone everything."
"And if I say no?"
"Are you listening to me. i'll tell everyone."
"go ahead. No one will believe you. They'd just say Insanity runs in the family."
Herbert seemed to realize his point.
"Herbert...err...Burns...whichever you prefer I don't care. You're a member of the Stonecutters so I'll cut you some slack and allow you to leave my office and we'll say this never happened. You go run your little campaign and let the best man win. I'll tell the Stonecutters about what you plan to do if the information does go out. They'll be a few fires from buildings burning and some backdoor barbecue of red robes but nothing is going to come of it. Now get out of my office before I change my mind."
Herbert stood back and then angrily turned to walk away.
"You'll regret this!"
And he slammed the door.
President Bush sighed and then reached for his phone.
-Private recorded conversation between Herbert Powell and President George H. .
"Number 29 had betrayed us."
"Has has imprisoned the Chosen one."
"He has taken the body of the Half Brother. Truly he is Cain."
"We should act."
"No"
"..."
"..What?"
"Number one? How could you say that?"
"The Chosen One had survived the leap of faith. He has survived the Poison. I believe we shall just have to wait and see."
"But he's the Chosen One. if he dies then the Golden age of the Stonecutters will never happen."
" And what of the Brother? Number 2. You have served as the Chosen One's Doctor. Have you inspected this Herb."
"Well...No I haven't."
"then perhaps we have been misled and he has the birthmark as well. Therefore I suggest we wait and see if the Chosen One survives this battle and slays this False Prophet, or if the battle reveals we have been following the False Prophet ourselves."
-Secret Meeting of the Stone Cutters.
"Life went on at home. it seemed odd. It fell to Mom to pick up my Saxophone reeds when dad had done it before. It just reminded me of how much I missed him."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
" Dad and I were supposed to build a soapbox for a race. Since he was in the nuthouse that didn't happen. I teamed up with Martin, who was away but agreed to meet me and help build a racer. The thing was a deathtrap with how much high tech it had but I still managed to win. I was up against Nelson. He cheated like crazy but I still managed to pull ahead. Winning felt good and I fell back and told myself "This one's for you Dad. Wherever you are."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"ATTENTION! FIVE MENTAL PATIENTS HAVE ESCAPED! BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR HOMER SIMPSON. A PATIENT BELIEVING HIMSELF TO BE MICHAEL JACKSON. THE PATIENT KNOWN ONLY AS "CHIEF", FLOYD AND HANNIBAL LECTER. THE LATTER OF WHICH IS CONSIDERED EXTREMELY DANGEROUS."
-Mental Institution Alarm announcement.
"So yeah. Hannibal Lecter was in there. I admit that he could have just been a cameo in the back that I never saw again. A one off gag, but well I was talking to Michael about how Burns had stolen by brother's body and well I guess our story interested him. He said something about dining on High Society and saw what Burns did as a chance to try a new recipe. Herbs and Spices. Whatever that mean't. I mean Herb knows how to cook and he seemed interesting in cooking with Herb. As I understand it Lecter had the change to escape but didn't take it and he helped take down a serial killer. Anyone who does that can't be all that bad so he was in. After he helped us escape he said he was having an old friend for Dinner and disappeared, but promised he'd find us and not to bother trying to find him. I didn't realize he was a serial killer.
-Police Interrogation of Homer Simpson by Clarice Starling on the whereabouts of Hannibal Lecter.
"Yeah I hid Homa. He came to me for somewhere to hide. He'd escaped with four other people but three of em' had their own directions to go and just ran for it. The only guy that stuck around was some Michael Jackson impersonator. I slapped a wig and an outfit on him and he became a star attraction. Now Homa's an old friend. Honestly I'd hid weirder things than him...Forget I said that. I did tell him family so they knew he was ok and they agreed not to tell anyone. Anyway Homa was great for Business. He taught me how to make this thing called a Flaming Homer. Of course I couldn't call them Flaming Homers what with everyone thinking he was crazy so I called them Flaming Moe's. Eventually I was able to buy a bigger place. This fancy new club place. I admit I got greedy. Homar showed up one day at the club in an outfit he made and told everyone part of the secret, but then I shouted that I'd give him half the money and he stopped. He didn't tell the full Recipe so we saved something out of it."
-Moe Szyslak during his police interrogation.
"What do I care about the old Plant?"
"Well sir it's just that my Father died there and umm it meant so much to us."
"That was the Old Burns. This is the New Burns, just umm...Who owns the Plant now?"
"Some German guys. Apparently they want to renovate it, saying its not up to standard."
"Bah they can have it see if I care."
-Conversation between Herbert Powell, new head of the Burns Estate as per Burns's Will, and Wayland Smithers Jr.
"MELTDOWN IMMINENT!
-Springfield Power plant announcement
"When we kicked the door down we saw just one man inside. Homer Simpson. In his story he had heard the sirens gone off. He was reported running towards the Power Plant, which was noticeable because everyone was running away. The point is he was there when we needed him and he. stopped the meltdown while everyone else panicked. How he got in so quick is beyond me but he saved the life of two coworkers."
-Testimony of SWAT Team member during the Springfield Power Plant Crisis.
"SIMPSON ACT OF HEROISM CALLS INTO QUESTION CLAIMS OF INSANITY"
-Newspaper Headline.
"Look we can't sayin' we helped Homer set the whole thing up to make him look like a hero. Especially cause the German Guys kept us on."
"Yeah we ain't sayin".
-Testimony of Lenny Leonard and Carl Carlson.
"BREAK IN AT BURNS MANSION."
-Newspaper Headline.
"Lecty came back. That's what I call Lecter, and well the two of us broke into Burns's Mansion when he was sleeping. It was a bit too easy. No hounds and no alarm. Of course we found out later it was because of Smithers but we didn't know that at the time. So we broke in and grabbed Burns. We met Smithers inside. He didn't want Burns to know he was in on it but we abducted him and brought him to an underground lab. The scientists there who did the operation had been assembled by Smithers. They'd saved Herbert's Brain. Turns out Burns had clone bodies lying around so he was forced into one of those. The switch was carried out. I saw Herb open his eyes and say one word. "Homer?"
To which I said "Herb?"
We smiled at each other.
Then Hannibal Lecter stabbed him.
I screamed and tried to stop but he pushed me off. He kept slashing away. Smithers hit me with something and I fell asleep. Next thing I know I woke up outside my house.
-Testimony of Homer Simpson.
"Police arrived on the scene to discover a brain transplant had taken place. All Scientists were arrested. Scientists involved had been hired and paid anonymously. the police were evidently called by Wayland Smithers, who came in and discovered their operation before calling the police."
-Morning News
"The Corpse and the testimony of the scientists involved proves that the brain can be removed and was planted. However, we do not yet know who carried out the unwillingly transplant on Burns and Powell. Which from the testimony of has shown he clearly did not consent to. No clearly this was the work of some mad scientist. However we cannot prove that Professor John Frink had any involvement with this procedure. "
-Attorney Lionel Hutz.
"FUNERAL HELD FOR HERBERT POWELL"
-Detroit News.
"This Lecter guy killed my Uncle. i swear I'm going to find him. And I'm gonna kill him."
-Bartholomew Simpson, interviewed at funeral, speaking through tear filled eyes in rage.
"He was a nice man. He offered be a piece of what he was eating on the plane. He said it was Herb. it kinds looked like lasagna but was shaped like a brain. He said it was Herb and that a nice mane with glasses had given it to him."
-testimony of child passenger kept anonymous.
" SIMPSON PASSES SANITY TEST"
-Newspaper Headline.
"Actually the truth is I'm not Michael Jackson. I never was. My real name is Leon Kompowsky. I'm a bricklater from Paterson, New Jersey, but I never liked being Leon. I preferred to be Michael Jackson because I made people happy that way."
-Leon Kompowsky during the Sanity Test.
"Leon got a happy ending. He sent us a photo of him with the real Michael Jackson and he even sang a song as my Birthday party one year. He's making a living as a Michael Jackson impersonator now. Especially now.
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Ve Regret Ve cannot Hire Homer Simpson. Hero though he may be. Ve have discovered he prevented his famous meltdown by saying "Einie, Meanie, Minie, Moe", and vhen ve interviewed him and he vas asked what he would change. He said something about the vending machines not having Chocolate. Ve made a comment about understanding since ve vere from the land of chocolate. He began drooling and ve could not snap him out of hit for several minutes.
-Current Power Plant Owners.
" fights to reclaim Power Plant"
-Newspaper Headline.
"So what made you change your mind about the plant?"
"I didn't fight the Germans in World War II just for them to beat me at being capitalist."
"It's because your old coworkers mocked you when you went to that bar isn't it?
"Yes!"
-Conversation between Charles Montgomery Burns and Wayland Smithers Jr.
"I have to say it was great to have Dad back. It really felt like things were back to normal. Or as normal as things got. There were still the scars from Herb's death and the trauma of it all, but life went on. Mom was happy to have him back too and they did a lot of...snuggling."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Mom thought she was pregnant again. So she went off to 's."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Marge and I were dating well into 1980. I was working at Sir Putt's a lot. Marge's family didn't really like me. We went to see Empire Strikes Back and had sex in the castle at Sir Putt's a lot. Then Marge got sick in August 1981. She told me she might have been pregnant. Turns out she was. I proposed to her because I loved her and we got married at this small chapel. I needed more money since the Sir Putt's a lot job didn't cut it so I got a job at the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant, or at least tried to. I left to find work somewhere. Patty and Selma found me. I tried again to get a job at the Power Plant and this time Burns liked me enough to give me the job.
Bart was born on April 1st 1982. As soon as he was born he somehow set my tie on fire with my light. I swear he did it on purpose, but he was only ten minutes old.
-Homer Simpson therapy visit wit Monroe, recorded.
"Mom came home with tears of joy in her eyes and said only two words."-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"I'm Pregnant".
-Marge Simpson, 1991.