"So me and Lisa were excited for out summer camp as Kamp Krusty. Dad wanted me to get. C-, but a D - was pretty much all I could do. I tried changing my grades to Straight A+s. Dad saw through it but still let me go. The Camp was run by a and 's Nephew, Iron Fist Burns. Iron Fist was the son of George Burns, 's Brother, who went into comedy. Apparently he was a big inspiration for Krusty and so Krusty owed him one and gave his son a Job. Iron Fist took more after his uncle and Kamp Krusty turned out to be Camp Deadly. had gotten the license from Krusty, but really it was hell. The Camp counselors were my old friends Dolph, Jimbo and Kearney, so they went easier on me, but they took us on death marches, fed us nothing but gruel and forced us to make knockoff wallets. Lisa wrote home but we didn't get a response. I don't blame Krusty, he didn't know. He was in England at the time. When he did show up he had the whole thing shut down and took us all on a trip to Mexico."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
" Mom auditioned for a local musical production of A Streetcar Named Desire. She got the part of Blanche DuBois and Flanders was cast as Stanley Kowalski. In order to keep up she put Herb and Maggie in a Daycare, the Ayn Rand School for Tots. Ayn Rand is some failed Writer who went into children's education. I'd never seen Dad so touched by a Musical before, even if he did find it boring unless mom was on stage"
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
" Dad decided he wouldn't go to Church. He really enjoyed it and kept doing it. He said that he had a vision where God told him to worship in his own way. Mom, Flanders and Reverend Lovejoy tried to get him to come back. Then while we were gone a fire had a volunteer fire department and Apu, Krusty, Chief Wiggum and Barney made were members. Dad had apparently tried to put the fire out, which saved his life since he was moving around away from the fire. Flanders went in and saved him. He'd passed out trying to get through the front. Dad thought it was God's vengeance and promised to go back to Church. Bart also became obsessed with attending Church. He didn't intend to, but Dad's experience changed him. We needed a place to stay while our house was repaired. The Family split up. Mom went to stay with Patty, We stayed with Selma and Skinner, which was a lot better than when it was Patty and Selma. Dad stayed with Barney."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Our School had a School Fair. I started to feel like I was unattractive after a caricature artist drew me. Dad won the raffle at the fair. The prize was a ride in the duff Blimp. He gave it up to get me entered into the Little Miss Springifeld pageant, sponsored by Laramie Cigarettes. He did it so I would feel better about myself. I only joined after I learned what he gave up. I got a rival, Amber Dempsey. She got eyelash implants from Paraguay.I sang"America the Beautiful" and "Proud Mary". I still lost to Amber but then she was in an accident and went to the hospital. I was crowned in her place. The winner was supposed to help sell Laramie Cigarettes to kids. I said no, publicly. So soon Laramie Cigarettes must have felt like they created a Frankenstein's Monster. Then I went after Mayor Quimby. They looked for a way to kick me out. Turns out Dad wrote "OK" on the part of the paper that said "Do not write in this space." This wasn't enough. So I kept my title. I was already the little girl who brought down a Senator. I could also be the little girl who brought down a Mayor. Quimby wasn't exactly subtle about it and so a quick investigation led to his removal. He was only been recently reelected in 1992. A Republican Mayor, Hans Moleman replaced him."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
Mayors of Springfield
Mary Bailey-1970-1986
Joe Quimby-1986-1988
Ralph Melish-1988-1992
Joe Quimby-1992
Hans Moleman-1992-
"We told scary stories on Halloween. I told Scary story about Dad buying a cursed doll. I got a lot of laughs when I made a joke about cursed frogurt. The Doll then tried to kill Dad because it was on the wrong setting. Then the doll moved into my Malibu Stacy dollhouse. Everyone though it was pretty good until the ending. A bit too Deus Ex Machina."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Dad told a story that was just King Kong but with Dad. We got a laugh though when he said "semen" even though I don't think he meant that to be funny. I think it was all a round about way to insult Dad."
"Anyway my story had Zombies. I used a book to bring back the dead by accident. I got a laugh when I had Dad in the story shoot a Zombie Flanders without knowing he was a Zombie. Everyone except Dad laughed, who hadn't realized Flanders was a Zombie.
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Coming for Christmas, the Itchy and Scratchy Movie!"
"If you want Suspense..."
Itchy has scratchy tied up with ropes to a log slowly moving towards a buzzsaw. He gets impatient and just hacks Scratchy to pieces with an Axe.
"Romance".
Itchy disguised several bombs as a woman and Scratchy kisses it, causing it to explode.
"You'll find it in the Itchy and Scratchy Movie. Coming soon to a theatre near you."
"53% new footage."
-Trailer for the Itchy & Scratchy Movie.
"Itchy was invented in 1919 by Chester Lampwick("The Father of Cartoon Violence") for the Cartoon Manhattan Madness, in which he was called "Itchy the Lucky Mouse". The character would be plagiarized by Roger Meyers Sr, leading Lampwick to sue, using his reel of Manhattan Madness as proof. He won and got hugely compensated. Meyers Sr tried to create his own character, Scratchy. The process took him seven years and the result was only a 14 second animation titled "That Happy Cat" in 1928. The short length and poorly received attention is attributed to Meyers Sr making it himself. Meyers Sr was not an animator and it showed. As a result of the negative reception, Meyers Sr went back to Lampwick for help. They hired a team of animators and formed Itchy and Scratchy Studios in 1928. The first short produced by the Studio was Steamboat Itchy. As a way to make amends, Roger Meyers Sr allowed Lampwick's creation to brutally murder his creation. As it happens, people loved this and wanted to see more. This suited Lampwick just fine and so began the Itchy and Scratchy Sr lacked the creativity but had the business savy and when he did he found himself in hot water was his second Cartoon Nazi Superman are our Superiors in 1938 was hugely controversial in the US. Lampwick was more humble, attributing most of his success to his close friend Walter Disney. Lampwick met Disney as he was working to design a mouse type character, which Lampwick then helped finish into the recognizable form of Itchy, naturally when Lampwick became a founder of Itchy and Scratchy studios, he invited Walt over. It was Walt's idea that led to the plot of Steamboat Itchy.
Then Came the War and Itchy and Scratchy studios was called on to do their part. Until that point Itchy and Scratchy Studios had only made shorts. Disney wanted the company to produce Animated Films. He helmed the creation of Scratchtasia(The company's first full length musical) and Pinitchio. Both in 1940. Then the US entered the War and the company went into making War Propaganda, famously Eleanor Roosevelt provided the voice of Itchy. After that Disney parted ways, wanting to start his own company, focusing on more child friendly entertainment. His efforts would be overshadowed by the success of Itchy and Scratchy. Cartoons had been cemented as Adult Entertainment and Disney's efforts to fight this would not overshadow this mindset. The duo began advertising Laramie Cigarettes in the 1950's, as did many shows at the time. In 1974, there was a Crossover between Itchy and Scratchy and Fritz the Cat in the X-Rated,Itchy and Scratchy Meets Fritz the Cat, created when Ralph Bakshi went to work for Itchy and Scratchy Studios. The show would be revived as The Itchy & Scratchy and Friends Hour which introduced newer characters including Uncle Ant, Disgruntled Goat, Flatulent Fox, Ku Klux Klam(often the subject of mutilation), Manic Mailman, Dinner Dog and Rich Uncle Skeleton. After the show was cancelled, it was brought back as segments on The Krusty the Clown Show. When that show was cancelled, the segments were extended to a half an hour until a rise in complaints led to the show becoming tamer, a day known by vans as "The Day the Violence Died". The show was therefore cancelled. The recent film is seen as their venture into Cinema once more.
The Company is currently owned by Roger Myers Jr, who was born in 1936. The Show is Animated in South Korea. Itchy and Scratchy are both voiced by seasoned voice Actress June Bellamy.
-Short Video at Itchy and Scratchy Land
"So yeah I really wanted to see the Itchy & Scratchy Movie. Mom and Dad left me to babysit Maggie. They took Herb with them. I did a decent job, but I got in trouble. Maggie was trying to get into the car. I got banned from seeing the The Itchy & Scratchy Movie. I was the last kid in Springfield to see it. I tried reading the Comic adaptation but it wasn't the same. Dad really held up his punishment and the film was removed from theaters. I think Dad was trying to teach me a lesson and it stuck. I think that's really where I started to change. 40 Years later and I'm Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. I actually went to see the movie with my Dad when they were playing it again along with Beauty and the Beast.
-Bart Simpson, Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, 2032.
"Our House was sinking. Mom and Dad wanted to do something. Dad tried to fix it but couldn't. He tried calling a Foundation Repairman but it turned out to cost 8,500 Dollars. Mom wanted to get a job too. Ironically, it turned out they wanted someone to look over the Power Plant. Dad didn't want to work there since he got sterile. Mom didn't want to work there either. So Mom and Dad began to work closer together. Mom as the head of SNUH and Dad back to his job as the head of the Safety Department."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
" I was supposed to take a test on the Boy Who Cried Wolf. Now I knew the bulk of a story but we were reading a long version we'd get a test on. I didn't want to do it. Then I ended up living it. An Actual Wolf attacked me. Willie saved me. I'd found out later it escaped from Krustylu Studios. Krusty was trying to make a comeback by making his show educational and having an animal expert on. Apparently the Wolf escaped after being startled by loud noises at Krusty's show. I was lucky to be alive. It scared me. I think that was the closet I had come to dying since Sideshow Bob."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Our Neighbours, the Winfields moved. Lisa and I went to explore the empty house. I met our new neighbour, Laura Powers. We became friends and I got a crush on her. My first crush. She was a teenager but I still had a thing for her and hang out with her a lot. Her mom was really nice too. Dad got into a lawsuit with an all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. He hired Lionel Hutz as his lawyer and actually won. Dad was displayed as "Bottomless Pete: Nature's Cruelest Mistake" and made a lot of money that way to help make up for the money it cost to feed him. I loved having Laura babysit. Turns out she was dating Jimbo Jones. I wanted to break them up so I prank called Moe's and said my name was Jimbo Jones and gave the neighbor's address while they were there. He'd recognize Dad's house if he heard it. Moe burst in with a rusty kitchen knife and Jimbo completely broke into tears. Laura dumped him. She only liked him for his bad boy attitude. Anyway after that I kept hanging out with Laura. I couldn't wait to grow up."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
It was November and the town was hit with a Blizzard. Dad came home from Moe's Tavern and accidentally crashed into the station wagon. We needed a new car. Fortunately we has money so we went to an auto show. We met Adam West. He was a little crazy. I heard he became the mayor of a town in Rhode Island. Dad got the idea to get a Snowplow and start his own business. He didn't get much attention until his commercial aired on late night television. He did so well he was given the key to the city. Then Barney copied him and was doing better. Barney got Linda Ronstadt in his commercial and Dad lost the Key to the City to Barney. They found teeth marks on it. I think Herb was chewing on it but Dad said it was him and that he thought there was chocolate inside. Anyway Dad was mad and challenged Barney to shovel a drive way on Widow's Peak, a large mountain outside of town. Dad was doing well but then we heard Barney was trapped in an avalanche and Dad went out to save him. The two started working together after that. Dad still has the Jacket. Bart's worn it a few times as in the winter he gets a job cleaning driveways.
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.
"Call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!"
Commercial, November 1992.
"Now about when Lisa was born It was March 1983, Ms. Pac-Man struck a blow for women's rights and a young Joe Piscopo taught us how to laugh. Bart was two years old and we were living in an apartment on the Lower East Side of Springfield. I was pregnant again and we needed a bigger place. We seetled for Evergreen Terrace with a 15,000 Dollar Down payment from the sale of Abe's house. We had to send Abe to a retirement home to cut costs. We moved into our new home in 1984. Our next door neighbors turned out to be the Flanders family. I remember specifically that Krusty Burger ran this failed promotion. It was a "Scratch-and-Win" thing where customers would win free Krusty Burgers if America won a gold medal. Then the Soviet Union boycotted the games. Krusty lose close to 44 Million Dollars from that. Now Bart had to give up a lot, including his crib. Homer built Bart a bed shaped like a clown but he was scared of it. He didn't like his new sister at first. She took a lot of attention away from him. Then Lisa's first word was "Bart". I wasn't surprised. She really liked him at that age. Back then both Bart and Lisa called Homer by his first name."
-Marge Simpson during couple's counseling.
"Can't Sleep. Clown will Eat Me."
-Attributed to Bart Simpson
"We were back in our house by this time after the fire. I put Herb to bed. I remember telling him I hoped he never said a word. I could've sworn I heard him saw "Daddy" as I was closing the door. It's funny but that was Maggie's first word too. It made me feel like I'd messed up the first time with Bart and Lisa, and I was getting it right the second time with Maggie and Herb."
-Homer Simpson during Couples Counseling.
"Dad had a Heart Attack. He would need a coronary artery bypass surgery, which would cost 30,00 dollars. Fortunately we could afford it but after that Day Dad vowed to stop eating so many fatty foods. He 'd gained a lot of weight after the lawsuit with that seafood place and how he was paying for it. He could've died. The Blowfish poisoning was an accident, the Gorge accident was unexpected. We heard about it on the same breath we heard he was ok. This was different. We all feared he wouldn't make it, and that included him. So Dad went back to losing weight, and this time he hoped to keep it off."
-Moaning Lisa: The autobiography of President Lisa Simpson.