Homer opened the door into the dark room and flicked the lightswitch. There it was. His old workplace in the Power Plant, where he had one saved the town. All the buttons he used to push.
Homer had been shocked and angry at first. He had been lied to his whole life. Prepared for the role he was now in as the Chosen One of the Stonecutters. He angrily shouted at Lenny and Carl and was furious at his own father. Lenny and Carl claimed their friendship with Homer was genuine.
"Did You lie to me!?"
"No..."
"DID YOU LIE TO ME!?"
"NO..."
The conversation with his own father was even worse, possibly the most heated they'd ever had.
In the end Homer needed time to think it over and told the Stonecutters so. They allowed this and he left. He went home. He wanted to drink but the fact that Moe was a member too made him not want to look at him, so Moe's Tavern was out of the question. At home he got drunk and told his family. They believed him. Bart and Lisa were shocked as who the members were.
"Not Lenny!"
Both had responded in unison.
Homer was now crying.
It wasn't until Lisa suggested that he could use the power they had given him. He cheered up. Here was his chance to do some good for the world. He could make something good out of something bad. Bart pointed out that he had saved Burns's life, which meant he was a member too. Homer pointed out that all the members were adults. Bart then pointed out that he was in charge and could make the rules. Dad realized he was right and smiled and then declared...Lisa would be his successor. Bart frowned at this. Homer noticed and then said "fine...Bart then Lisa." and the matter seemed to be solved.
Now Homer stood in the Power Plant. He had pulled strings to open it again to provide power to the town and give all the employees their jobs back if they wanted them. Lenny and Carl understood. Even Flanders seemed really happy that Homer had decided to do this. And Homer was not alone, his family had come with him. The plant was safe now as it had been shut down. It was the only time the whole family had been there though Marge had been there a few times. Homer looked over to the wall and saw a familiar sight. On the wall was a message. "Do it for Her.", covered in baby pictures of Maggie.
"Daddy?"
Homer looked down and saw Maggie. She was now 8 years old and looked a lot like Lisa. She asked why he was crying and he realized that he was. Homer reached down and picked her up and began to tell her a story.
It was 1987. He hated his job at the Springfield Power Plant. The only reason he stayed was for his children. He needed to support his family. it was ironic that working for the plant would kill his chance of ever having children again. He was sterile from working there. Another thing Burns would take away from him. In 1987, he said goodbye, clearing him of all his debts and mocking as he left. He got a new job at Barney's bowlarama. To celebrate, Homer and Marge "snuggled". She became pregnant. Marge told Patty and Selma and made them promise not to tell. They didn't, but they told other people. Homer was the last to know. He thought everyone was saying congratulations for quitting his job and getting a new one.. Finally he arrived home. Maude congratulated him on his new job. That's when it clicked. The celebration was not for the Job. It was for something else. That's when she realized Marge was pregnant. He panicked, because he knew what that meant. He tore parts of his hair out. As he told the story he grabbed his own head of hair, relaxing that it was still there.
Homer couldn't raise enough money from the Bowling Alley. Which meant he had to quit his dream job. A job which Ironically he would go back to in 1993 for a time. He had to quit and went back. He had to beg to . Burns even placed a plaque above his desk that read "Don't forget: you're here forever". He hated everyday of his work, but he loved Maggie.
Maggie had no baby pictures. This was because they were where he needed them the most. The photos were on the Plaque, Homer had used them to spell a different phrase.
"DO IT FOR HER"
"So Dad was running a cult now. Awesome! right? Well...yeah. Except it was all about to fall apart."
"I was the first one to spot it. Dad announced me as his successor. "
Skinner was a member of the Stonecutters and well since we were family I spent more time with him. I caused a bit of a problem when a weather balloon took off and he chased it, thinking I was inside. I wasn't. I had gotten off before it took off. Still I got punished for it and now I was forced to work at 4:30 a.m. at the school. Being second in line for the throne didn't mean I could skip school. Well I turned out to be extremely lucky, because I spotted a comet. Skinner came back and confirmed. We reported it. It was called Bart's Comet. Panic set in when the Comet was discovered to be heading towards Springfield. It was reported to the Government. Scientists tried to reassure the town that the comet was less than 100 meters and would burn up in the atmosphere. Somehow this was flubbed as 100 Megatons, possibly due to a thick accent. So now everyone was running around. Some members of the Stonecutters called me an Antichrist. Dad told everyone that the Comet would just burn up but if they hadn't listened to experts, they weren't going to listen to him. People left town. Professor Frink launched a missile at the comet, but it undershot it and just ended up in space. Dad wanted to prepare for the end and Flanders had a bomb shelter built. He invited us in...then he invited everyone else in. The Entire town tried to cram into it(I think i saw Waldo in there) and an argument and then a fight ensued when Flanders had to kick people out. Flanders refused to let anyone be left out and willingly stepped out on his own to allow for more room. A lot of us were touched. Dad felt guilty and left. I went with him. The rest of the family wanted to go but Dad told Mom, the girls and Herb to stay so they would survive. Several other people went out to the top of a hill and held hands, with Flanders. We started singing Que Sera, Sera. The Comet could be seen in the sky.
Then there was a flash.
A piece of Meteorite the size of a Chichuahuas' head landed as Dad's feet. I kept it as a souvenir."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson.
"So everyone was acting like Dad could see the future since he had predicted what would've happened with the Comet. Well one of the members of the Stonecutters had a problem. Our old pal Krusty had problems with the mafia. They'd help keep McDonalds and Burger King out of town to allow Krusty Burger to have no competition. Well Fat Tony had recently got out of prison and wanted Krusty to collect. I'd helped them out when I was working for them...and I also helped out Krusty out a few times. So I wanted to help Krusty not get killed by the Mafia. Number One, leader of the Stonecutters, a guy who gave me the creeps because he was supposed to be like a million years old and he kinda looked like it...and smelled like it. Not that anyone said anything. I'm not sure I believed him just because I didn't see anything to convince me he was immortal. Anyway Number One pitched the idea that Dad could impersonate Krusty until the danger blew over. Once we got the makeup on him. You couldn't tell them apart. Dad thought it was a great idea and was weirdly into doing it. We were all against this plan since it would put him in danger.
I found out later, what had actually happened. Some of the Stonecutters didn't like Dad actually wanting to give back to the Community so they wanted to get rid of him. So they had a hypnotist, the one that used to work for Burns, give Dad the idea that Dad WAS Krusty the whole time and that he had given it up and passed on the mantle to someone else and the Mob were really after money he owed them, but they couldn't tell the difference. Dad would see Krusty everywhere. Finally he snapped and stood up saying "That's it! You've all stood in my way long enough! I'm going to Clown College!"
So Dad went to Clown College and did pretty good except for one trick with a tiny bicycle and went on to impersonate Krusty at Children's birthday parties, and he did pretty good. He didn't exactly look like Krusty. He painted the nose red instead of wearing the red fake one and didn't have that little truff of hair on top but other than that he did great. no one could really tell. At least the kids couldn't. I mean he had four kids so he knew how to act around them, but then at an unveiling for a new sandwich, the Krusty Burglar showed up. Dad took it too far and seriously beat the actor. The kids became horrified. One of them cried out "Stop! Stop! He's already dead!." while weeping. It cost him a lot and Dad wanted to quit. The rest of the Stonecutters, at least the ones that actually liked him, helped him out Chief Wiggum ripped up speeding tickets and Apu gave him discounts. Then it finally happened. He was kidnapped by the Mafia because they thought he really was Krusty. I was there but hid so I went and got Krusty in hiding and convinced him to go to the mob and not let Dad die for him. Turns out another mob boss, Don Vittorio DiMaggio, got Fat Tony out and he was there. Dad spilled the beans that he wasn't Krusty and then the real Krusty showed up. They had to perform their acts, but both were afraid that if they messed up any part, the Mob Boss would kill the other Krusty, since that one would be the real one. Dad did well but then he had to do a loop-the-loop trick with a tiny bicycle and that was the one thing he couldn't do. So he failed. They were about to shoot Krusty but then he agreed to pay off the mob. He brought with them the money he owed them. He'd been getting it all this time and was honestly hoping he wouldn't have had to pay it. After the money was paid off, which was close to 48 Million. The two were free to go."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Yeah the whole Australia thing was my fault. Bart realized the water in the bathroom sink always drained counter clockwise. I told him about the Coriolis Effect and how the water in the toiler went clockwise in the Southern Hemisphere. That was a lie. The water in the toilet is too small to be affected by the Coriolis Effect but Bart believed it and started calling up everywhere from a research station in Antarctica, to Buenos Aires, Santiago and Burkina Faso(That won isn't in the Southern Hemisphere. I think Bart just made a mistake). I found out and told Bart. Instead he made a collect call to Australia and called a kid named Tobias Drundridge. Bart impersonated a bureaucrat and told him to check the toilets. That's when when he found out I was lying but he wanted Tobias to make sure and go check on his neighbor's toilet. Bart then left the line open and the call lasted six hours because Tobias lived in a rural area. That call cost $900 hours. Tobias's father, Bruno sued Bart. Bart ignored it but Bruno's neighbor happened to be a member of Parliament, and he reported it to the Prime Minister."
-Moaning Lisa, the Autobiography of President Lisa Simpson
"The Prime Minister was Andy Keating. Apparently he would hang out in a lake naked on a tire with a beer. He was the 24th Prime Minister. We actually saw a statue of the first Prime Minister Edmund Tarley, who looked a lot like Snake, that one criminal in Springfield. Now I didn't think much about the whole thing even after Australia sent us a bunch of letters and we got indicted for fraud. A man from U.S. State Department said that the US and Australia needed to have good relations and I should apologize. So we went to Australia. We arrived at the U.S. Embassy in Canberra. I couldn't bring any animals into the country so I let out my Pet Bull frog. They wanted to kick me with a big boot. The whole family ran back to the embassy. There was a compromise. Prime Minister Andy would kick me with a smaller shoe. I agreed to it but when he swung I moved out of the way and mooned him with the words "Don't tread on me." Written on my ass and hummed the Star Spangled Banner. The mob stormed the embassy and I ran for it. We escaped on a helicopter. We saw Bullfrogs all over. Apparently Australia has a problem with frogs when they brought them over so they could eat some beatles that were a big problem. It didn't work. Still it was no big deal. Australia has loads of Bull Frogs and its not like they never saw one before though I was worried I had started something. Lisa said introducing a new animal into a place that can't handle them is very dangerous. Our Helicopter didn't have enough fuel to go straight to the US so we stopped at another building instead. On the way there I thought I saw a Koala fall from under the Helicopter. I feel sorry for the little guy. I'm pretty sure he's dead. He couldn't have held onto the Helicopter for that long. Anyway I did agree to get kicked since we'd caused enough chaos already.
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
Smithers waited outside. As Burns conducted business with his unsavory old friend. He hated being there. The climate in Buenos Aires was lovely but the blonde boys in Nazi Scout Uniforms running around and eyeing him with hate was almost too much. His loyalty to Mr. Burns had cost him his Stonecutters membership. Was it worth it? No...But he had a bond with Burns that prevented him from abandoning him. Like his father before him.
He was also listening in on the meeting.
"I've previously helped you in the past. In fact my resources are the reason both of us are still alive. Well my power is weakening. I need all my old allies. C'mon...From one former Nazi to another?"
"Burns...I do not have much time left. My dream has failed. I feel we are both at the end of our lives for different reasons. I am 106, and you are losing your wealth. I do not seek to go quietly into Hell. I seek to rage. "
"So you'll do it."
"You have my support."
"Excellent. I'm a little short on Allies at the moment since I was kicked out of the Stonecutters, but I have several allies, Richard Nixon is still in my corner. Hank Scorpio won't return my calls though."
"Lightweights playing at being cartoon Super villains."
The speaker, with great effort leaned forward.
"I will show them a true evil."
"Dad's relationship with Patty and Selma was always rocky. They had recently been promoted at the DMV. Dad was doing well and didn't really need money. Then one day, Patty and Selma were caught smoking by their supervisor and to everyone's surprise, Dad covered for them, saying both cigarettes were his. It was a nice gesture and went a long way to changing how Patty and Selma felt about him."
-Moaning Lisa, the Autobiography of President Lisa Simpson
"Yeah I started to get into Ballet. So what? Plenty of boys do it."
-Do the Bart Man: The unauthorized biography of Bart Simpson
"Springfield was looking for a way to boost its Culture. Mom proposed a film festival. Everyone really got into it. The Stonecutters were used to rigging Oscar Nights and so wanted to rig this too until Dad told them not too. Many members went on to do films. Since it was Mom's idea, she was on the judge's panel, so was Dad thanks to the Stonecutters(that and Martin Scorsese was unavailable).
Jury Members Marge Simpson Homer Simpson Jay Sherman Mayor Quimby Krusty the Clown Submissions
Man Getting Hit by Football by Hans Moleman
The Film was exactly what it said on the tin. A short film of a Hans Moleman getting his by a football in the groin and then falling to the ground. Judge Homer found it hilarious and proclaimed "Give that man the ten thousand dollars!"., to which I said "this isn't America's Funniest Home Videos.".
The Eternal Struggle by Bart Simpson, directed by Lisa Simpson.
Bart Simpson introduces himself in Troy McClure style by saying "You may remember me from such films as Homer in the Shower and Homer on the Toilet. He then opens a door to reveal Homer Simpson struggling to pull his pants on. Homer suddenly realizes that the belt is still buckled and unbuckles it. However, this has no effect and the struggle continues.
Bart's short film gained favorable reviews from the crowd, who laughed at the film. One Judge, Homer Simpson himself, disliked it as it made him a laughingstock.
A Burns for All Seasons by Charles Montgomery Burns, directed by Estevan Spielbergo
The Film was made intentionally to redeem Burns's image and several actors auditioned for the role of Burns such as Anthony Hopkins and Yaritza Burgos(AKA Bumblebee Man. Who appears in the film in another role). Tommy Tune plays Waylon Smithers, Jr. Burns plays himself.
The film has a large number of writers:
Jeff Westbrook
Colleen Milea
Howard Leggett
Robert Marra
Jim Tonti
Jerry Monaco
Randy Zavada
Ted Phillips
J. August
Steve Fein
Kim Madrigal
Marcial Pivano
Starr Dogg
Richard X. Vegas
Velma Crow
Jay Weinstein
Mark Linchterman
Emma Shannon
Denise Cox
Mike Himes
Lisa Baran
Nils Jackson
Geoff Fudge
Howie March
David Heyman
Arne Rickert
Maiya Williams
Rebecca Shannon
Rachel Hieden
Corinna Yvonna
Lowell Burns
Babaloo Smithers
Henry Thomas (as Elliott)
Charlton Heston (as Judah Ben-Hur)
The Last Four names are false. Lowell Burns and Babaloo Smithers being(poor) aliases for Charles Montgomery Burns and Waylon Smithers. The final two names are actors featured in the film that were edited in from E.T. and Ben-Hur with Burns added in.
The opening consists of the title frame showing in a recreation of Michelangelo's Fresco, the Creation of Adam with Burns's head painted onto Adams's body. The credits follow with the above listed credits and actor names. The list is extremely long. The First Actual scene is of on a horse wearing a sombrero with bandoliers of machine gun ammunitions across his chest, speaking with a group of villagers. "Simple villagers. I promise you I will close plants in America and bring work here!" Bumblebee Man, who is at the front of the crowd shouts "Viva Señor Burns!" and the assembled villagers cry, "Viva! Viva!" Burns' horse gallops off, but Burns falls out of the saddle, ending up getting dragged back and forth on the ground as the horse runs out of and back into the scene. During the viewing Burns was heard commenting "We did twenty takes, and that was the best one."
The rest of the film follows Burns in various exploits across time, implying he is immortal. He is inserted into a scene from E.T. in which he says goodbye to the children. Burns gets on one knee before the kid and says "Remember, Elliot, I'll be right here." Burns' fingertip lights up briefly as he touches Elliot on the chest, over his heart. Burns then boards a spaceship, with the door spiraling closed and the ship taking off, leaving a rainbow trial.
The Scenes have little continuity with each other. Another scene is set in the ancient past with Burns offering Charlton Heston's character from Ben-Hur a water bottle(Anachronistic in this setting). Burns says to him "Drink up, Judah Ben-Hur". Ben-Hur looks up at him and says "You truly are the king of kings." A heavenly light shines down upon Burns, and he says "Excellent."
The film was hated, everyone booed it, except one guy who was saying "Boourns." Among the reviews were critics calling it "Pure egotism" and "Self-indulgent tripe." I was one of those critics Spielbergo received none of the criticism, since it was assumed that Burns had written the film and simply hired Spielbergo to make it.
Bright Lights, Beef Jerky by Apu Nahasapeemapetilon
The Film clearly is security footage from the Kwik-E-Mart, edited into a film. Chief Wiggum is seen entering the store and talking with Apu. He then goes into the back. He thinks Apu can't see him but the security camera catches him, reaching into the Hot Dog Roller Machine and getting his tie stuck. While he is back there, The criminal Chester Turley also known as "Snake" appears and pulls a shotgun on Apu and begins to rob the Kwik-E-Mart. Apu calls for the police, shouting "Help, help! Police!" , but Chief Wiggum's tie is stuck and he is struggling to remove it quickly enough. He shouts "Hey, I got problems of my own right now!" and finally unties his tie and escapes. Tarley sees Wiggum and opens fire. Wiggum pulls out his own gun and fires back. He is seen calling for back up. Turley flees through the window, smashing the glass and running off. Wiggum walks up to Apu. Their conversation is heard as they discuss the rising violence in the town lately. Wiggum's last recorded lines are "Oh boy, this is gonna get worse before it gets better," before the Camera cuts. Following the film's release Chief Wiggum received a large amount of backlash for the situation depicted.
Moe Better Booze by Moe Szyslak
The Film consists of Mo, dressed in an outfit intended as a homage to the film Cabaret, singing an original song titled One More Round, singing about the various patrons at the bar, often insulting. At the end of the musical he jumps on the Bar and shows his ass, while calling his customers the same. He then falls forward in what appears to be a genuine mistake.
Pukahontas by Barney Gumble
Pukahontas opens with a shot of a Duff Beer bottle sitting on a windowsill with curtains billowing around it in the breeze. A hand reaches up, turns the bottle upside down, and the shot zooms out to reveal that Barney is drinking the beer. The shot changes to a view from above, now showing that Barney is lying on a couch. Barney, narrating in voice-over, says, "My name is Barney Gumble. I'm forty, I'm single, and I drink."
The scene shifts to Barney lying in a gutter drinking another Duff. He collapses and lays the bottle down with some beer still in it, and beer spills out and pours into a sewer grating. Barney's narration continues: "There's a line in Othello about a drinker: 'Now a sensible man, by and by a fool, and presently a beast.' That pretty well covers it." Next, in a time-lapse sequence, clouds in the sky pass by as the day changes to night and back to day again. The shot changes back to Barney, who is now old, bald, and toothless, lying in the same gutter. A tear leaks from his eye and rolls down his cheek.
In the next scene, Barney, seated in a chair, apparently for an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, says, "My name is Barney Gumble and I'm an alcoholic." The camera zooms out to show that Barney is sitting in a circle with several girls wearing Scout uniforms. Lisa Simpson says, "Mr. Gumble, this is a Girl Scout meeting." Barney replies, "Is it? Or is it that you girls can't admit you have a problem?"
The scene changes to a record player, then back to Barney on his couch, holding a rose to his nose. Barney says, in voice-over, "Don't cry for me, I'm already dead." He puts the rose in the Duff bottle on the windowsill, and the petals slowly fall off, scattering in the breeze. In the closing shot, the curtains billow as "Fin" appears on the screen.
Barney's film received massive applause and some tears. I immediately was convinced he was the winner. The film was sensitive, yet unfortunately-titled.
The Life of The Moses by Ned Flanders
The Flanders family retold the story of Moses. Todd Flanders played Baby Moses with Maude Flanders playing Mose's mother Jochebed. Ned plays Moses. The film chronicles the life of Moses until his death. It is notable for being surprisingly gory, specifically in Moses's murder and the ten plagues of Egypt, despite being very low budget. Flanders claimed that Todd was nearly lost and that he prayed to God and he was saved. Recorded on the film is a scene of the basket with Todd inside going quickly down the river until lightning strikes a tree and it fell into the path of the basket, preventing it from going further down the river.
Four Funerals and a Wedding by Roger Meyers, Jr.
An episode of The Itchy & Scratchy Show. It won the award for Outstanding Animated Short at the Springfield Film Festival. It is also one of the very few Itchy & Scratchy cartoons where Itchy dies (albeit of natural causes).
Scratchy is getting married. During the ceremony, Itchy replaces the cat bride with one made entirely of explosives, and then lights the fuses. Scratchy kisses his new bride and feeds her wedding cake at the reception, while the fuses keep burning. The scene shifts to years in the future. Scratchy is sitting on the sofa next to his wife (with her fuses still burning) while their two children, also made entirely of explosives and with burning fuses, play on the floor in front of them. The scene shifts again, to further in the future. Scratchy and his wife are now old and sitting in rocking chairs on the porch of a rest home, and her fuses are still burning. Scratchy's wife finally explodes, taking old Scratchy with her. Old Itchy runs into the scene and points and laughs at Scratchy's burnt remains. Itchy then dies of a heart attack.
What the Pool Boy Saw by the residents of Springfield Retirement Castle, directed by Abraham Simpson
a risqué short film made by the residents of Springfield Retirement Castle. It was directed and filmed by Abraham Simpson and starred Jasper Beardly as the pool boy and Mrs. Glick as the lady of the house. The film was shot on an old hand cranked Camera.
Mrs. Glick said suggestively to Jasper, "Well, Pool Boy, how'd you like to scrub the algae off my bottom?" Then she ripped her dress open and took it off, revealing an old-fashioned bathing suit underneath.
Jasper replied, "Oooh, I'm hip to your pitch, Hot Mama," and tore his own shirt off, revealing a tank-top style undershirt.
Despite the suggestive nature of the film, no sex is shown.
Untitled Swedish Film by Lisa Simpson
The Film can be seen as a parody of Swedish films by directors such as Ingrid Bergman. It features Lisa speaking a type of gibberish Swedish and walking through town. Other characters that appear also speak in Swedish gibberish.
-Springfield Film Festival final Review by Jay Sherman
Voting
Jay Sherman and Marge Simpson voted for Barney's film Pukahontas. Mayor Quimby and Krusty the Clown were later discovered to have been bribed to vote for Burns for All Seasons. The tie was broken by Homer Simpson, who voted for Pukahontas. The Original prize was a lifetime supply of Duff Beer but it was decided to give a cash prize instead as it was considered in bad taste to give that as a gift to a film about alcoholism and Duff pulled its sponsorship. Barney promised to go sober after the film's success.
-Wikipedia entry on the Springfield Film Festival
"Burns submitted A Burns for All Seasons to the Academy Awards and tried to bribe everyone in Hollywood to get it to win Best Live Action Short film. Still he lost. He tried to bribe to be nominated as Best Actor but lost out there too. The Stonecutters rigged every Oscar night, and they may have played a part in making sure Burns didn't win, which he probably suspected.
George won for best supporting actor for his role in Tatum, a Film about the Boxer where he played his manager. What make it funny is the film contains a scene in which George 's character is hit in the groin by a football. He's an old man so he sold the immense pain he must have felt from it.
-Moaning Lisa, the Autobiography of President Lisa Simpson