2.
"C'mon, it's eleven o'clock - I need some sugar."
Bart and Milhouse strolled over to the Kwik-E-Mart for their sugar fix. Sanjay, Apu's younger brother was speaking with him.
"Why don't you come to my party, Apu. You could use some Merriment."
" Listen, serving the customer is merriment enough for me."
Bart paid for his gum.
"Thank you, come again."
App looked back at Sanjay.
"You see? Most enjoyable."
" Oh, I guarantee a wingding of titanic proportions. You will be there or kindly be square."
"Well, I don't like to leave the store…"
Apu grabbed and dusted off a sign that read " back in 5 minutes" . The 5 was in a turnable dial, which he set to 5.
"…but for the next five minutes I'm going to party like it's on sale for 19.99."
Apu and Sanjay ran across the street. Apu looked at his watch and grabbed a Tofu dog straight from the grill and ate it quickly. He then jumped into the crowd dancing and picked out one woman.
"Hello beautiful. No ring, I see. So you are only arranged to be married."
She laughed at the joke. Freakazoid began playing on the stereo.
"Ooh, ooh, ooh. I Loe this song. Let's boogie."
He jumped onto the Dance Floor , pulling the girl with him and began to breakdance.
" I am a Freak-a-zoid, come on and wind me up... "
He looked at his watch
"Ooh, I am hot. Let us get out of here."
The Woman he had met followed him and they talked. Privately.
"I have less than five minutes before I have to get back to work. What is your name?"
"Manjula."
"Nice to meet you Manjula. You are not related to Sanjay are you?"
"No. I almost was…You are right about the arranged marriage, but it was long ago. He left for America."
"I'm sorry to hear about that. "
"It's alright."
"I could make you feel better."
"How?"
"Do you want to have sex?"
"In under Five Minutes?"
"It's the Quality not the Quantity. I hope you don't hold that against me."
She shrugged. The two moved to the Changing house away from the party and closed the door behind them. Sometime late Apu emerged with his clothes disheveled, Smoking, pulling his pants up with his belt unbuckled.
"Thank you Come Again."
He turned back and stood in the doorway talking to Manjula.
"I'll tell everybody. You were untouchable."
He then turned and weakly stumbled back into the party. He crashed into a Conga line led by Sanjay. The two and the entire line went crashing into the party. Apu emerged from the water next to Sanjay.
"Oh Sanjay, never have I partied so hearty. Same time next year,no?
The two hive five. Shouting "Yeah!" At the same time.
Apu quickly got out of the pool and ran back to the Kwik-E-Mart. The exhausted Apu took the sign off the door and collapsed exhausted onto a chair, still wet. Clothes ruined. He almost fell asleep when a thought entered his mind.
"Manjula….I know a woman named Manjula back in India…"
The Radio was playing next to Apu.
"Swing Serenade" is brought to you by Gorman's Ear Guards.
3.
GUARD YOUR EARS! - with Gorman's."
Marge turned off the radio.
"Honey can you take out the recycling?"
"Sure."
Lisa took the recycling out. She was the one who insisted on separating them. This also meant she took the long trek to the recycling on the curb of the Burns Mansion, now the Simpson Mansion in a way. Lisa stepped out of the gates and got down behind the Trash can and Recycling cans. Bart and Milhouse went by. Without thinking, Bart removed and flicked his gum out towards the trashcan. Lisa had bent behind the cans. Lisa felt something and began to stick her hand in her hair. Bart and Milhouse had passed without seeing her.
Lisa returned to the house. A bee began to bug her. She swatted it away and it flew off. The bee flew passed Bart Simpson on his skateboard and Bumblebee Man. It then entered a jail cell. Smithers sat up in his bed. The Guard was not paying attention.
4.
"Uh, there's a bee in my eye, sir."
"And?"
" I…I'm allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die."
The bee stung Smithers. He began to have an allergic reaction. A serious one.
"Get ... me ... to ... a ... hospital …"
Smithers was brought to the hospital. As he was brought in Riviera walked by. Smithers whispered to him.
"Help... me."
"Holy smokes, you need booze."
He tossed him some change. He then continued on his way and walked into the boardroom.
5.
" Hi, everybody!"
The Board was unenthused. One person responded in a monotone way.
"Hi, Dr. Nick. This malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. "
He read from a clipboard.
" Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant."
" But I cleaned them with my napkin."
"Misuse of the cadavers."
"I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane."
An orderly barged in.
"There's an insane man with a scape in the ER. He's demanding to see a Doctor."
and the others ran out the door to see none other than Abe Simpson. He'd grabbed a scalpel.
"Stand back! Everyone stand back!"
walked forward.
"where is the trouble?"
"Hitler's Still Alive! He's hiding in Argentina! A Comic Book Supervillain showed me!"
rubbed his chin in thought.
"I have seen this before. Don't worry I know just what to do."
Nick suddenly ripped the chord out of a lamp and struck Abe Simpson with it. Knocking him out.
_
Abe was being carried on a stretcher. A pair of defibrillators was brought over to him.
"Clear"
The Defibrilators were brought down.
6.
The lights flickered in Moe's Tavern.
Moe leaned in towards Barney.
"Say, Barn, uh, remember when I said I'd have to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?"
"Oh ho, oh yeah, you had a good laugh, Moe."
"The results came back today. "
Moe held up a printed paper.
"You owe me seventy billion dollars."
"Huh?"
"No, wait, wait, wait, that's for the Voyager spacecraft."
Moe held up another piece of paper. Moe hadn't actually sent NASA the tab, but even Barney, who almost went to space and had actually been to NASA, would believe him.
"Since you ain't drinking no more. I thought now was the time. You owe me fourteen Billion Dollars."
"What?"
"Just kidding. It's 2,000."
Barney reached into his wallet and pulled out some money. Snake suddenly burst in, wielding a shotgun, pointing it at Barney.
"Money in the register now!"
Moe raised his hands.
"Ok. Ok. Geez. Who robs a Bar?"
" I do. What are you trying to say?"
"Ok. Fine just let me..."
More reached down slowly then rose up with a shotgun of his own. He cocked it quickly. There were now two Shotguns aimed at each other.
"Barney run in the back."
Barney did so, Leaving the two alone.
"I just want the money man."
Moe looked down and lowered his shotgun.
"Eh take it. Not much in there anyway.
Snake reached in and grabbed the money from the register, before running out.
"Hey Barn! I could use the 2000 right about now."
7.
"Armed Robbery at Moe's Tavern. I repeat armed Robbery at Moe's Tavern."
The Message came over Marge Simpson's police radio. She was in the middle of trying to cut Lisa's hair to remove the gum. Marge looked at Lisa.
"Go ahead."
"I'll drop you off at the Barber's, but first I'll Call your father and tell him to pick up groceries."
Marge and Lisa got into the car and drove off, passing by Skinner's house as Superintendent Chalmers rang the door bell.
"Well Seymour I made it. Despite your Directions."
"Ah Superintendent welcome. I hope you're prepared for an incredible Luncheon."
8.
Skinners burst through the door of the Krusty Burger, passing a booth, where Lou and Eddie are sitting. Lou breaks the silence.
"You know, I went to the McDonald's in Shelbyville on Friday night —"
"The McWhat?"
"Uh, the McDonald's. I, I never heard of it either, but they have over 2,000 locations in this state alone."
"Must've sprung up overnight."
"You know, the funniest thing though; it's the little differences."
"Example."
"Well, at McDonald's you can buy a Krusty Burger with cheese, right? But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese."
"Get out! Well, what do they call it?"
"A Quarter Pounder with cheese."
"Quarter Pounder with cheese? Well, I can picture the cheese, but, uh, do they have Krusty partially gelatinated non-dairy gum-based beverages?"
"Mm-hm. They call 'em, "shakes.""
"Huh, shakes. You don't know what you're gettin'."
Skinner reached the front of the line. Made his order and left.
9.
Apu was woken up by beeping. It was the Stonecutters emergency line. Skinner was calling. Apu ran out and saw smoke. He sighed. Put up a sign and his Fire Department outfit. The Fire Engine rides off, siren blaring. It passes Homer. Homer was carrying far too much. Maggie was walking alongside him. Maggie was walking beside him, helping to carry groceries. Homer had Santa Little Helper's leash tied to his hand. Spotting a "Springfield Shopper" kiosk. He leaned over and read it aloud.
"Senator Helms (R-NC) is calling for a tax on donuts."
Homer's mouth watered.
"Mmmm ... taxable food item."
Homer paid for his copy, slipping a quarter in.
"Done and Done."
What happened next went pretty fast for Homer. He heard a scream and saw two children. They looked like Bart and Lisa. They moved quickly, grabbing Maggie and shoving her into the Kiosk, before locking it. Homer was distracted by the kids and Santa's Little Helper barking at the two children.
"Help!"
Homer looked to see Maggie had been shoved inside the Kiosk. He turned and saw the two children, who looked like Bart and Lisa, leaving on a Skateboard and a bike.
Homer turned back to the Kiosk. He began to panic but reached into his pocket for another quarter. Homer fished into his pocket for a quarter. He didn't have one. He was about to run back into the store, but the look on the scared Maggie, banging on the Kiosk made him change his mind. He wondered how much air she had. He realized he couldn't leave her. So with a determined expression he came up with a solution.
Homer grabbed the Kiosk and began to attempt to lift it. It didn't budge.H let out a groan of anguish. Defeated. He had another idea. He moved to the corner and began to dance while singing.
"There was a little spanish flea
A record star he thought he'd be
He heard of singers like Beatles
And Chipmunks he'd seen on tv
Why not a little spanish flea?"
The Bumblebee man, Pedro Chespirito, walked by and tossed a coin to the ground. Homer grabbed it and ran back to the Kiosk, opening it. Maggie coughed. Homer held her close. He cried a little out of relief.
_
10.
Unaware that he may have saved a life, Pedro kept walking until he entered a studio set. Filming began. He entered a fake set house and removed his outfit.
"Ay, que dia miserable a trabajo."
The filming included Pedro getting attacked by a woodpecker, which was not an effect but an actual trained Woodpecker hitting his nose lightly, getting electrocuted with spaghetti(an effect added in) and being whacked by a giant baseball(very real).
"Ah, tiempo para relaxar en paz y quieto."
He opened a cabinet full of oranges that fell on his head.
"!Ay, naranjas en la cabeza!"
He flailed around in pain until he was stuck on the Chandelier.
" !Ay, una candelabra precariosa!"
The Chandelier and the Ceiling broke off, bringing the entire ceiling down. His wife entered.
" !Ay! Mira que cosa tan terrible, yo no puedo entender algo como esto, como puedo vivir con un hombre tan irresponsible. !No, no, no, no no!
She handed Pedro divorce papers and walked off.
"Ay, ?donde esta mi tequila?"
The rest of the set fell apart.
Homer laughed out loud as he watched the show. He felt something and looked down. Maggie was hugging him as they sat on the couch. Still a little scared, clearly shivering. Homer thought of something to cheer her up.
"I'll tell you what? Your mom isn't home yet. She's still looking for that bad man who stole from Moe's. Why don't you wait here with Herb and I'll go get Donuts."
Maggie perked up in excitement and let out an excited gasp. evidently she shared her father's fondness for Donuts. Homer smiled.
"I feel the same way."
11.
Homer was walking down the streets carrying the box of Donuts.
"Life is like a box of Donuts. You know exactly what you're gonna get."
As he crossed the street. He noticed the car that had stopped for him.
"Hey I know you."
It took him a moment to recognize the driver was Snake, the man who had cheated him. Snake's eyes narrowed. Homer realized where he had seen him before and he had an idea of what Snake was about to do. Homer looked at the box of Donuts. Snake hit the accelerator. Home quickly hurled the box of Donuts at the car, it opened and spilled it contents. He quickly jumped out the way of the car, which, blinded, Snake swerved and hit a mailbox. He quickly got out of the car and made a run for it. Homer, instinctively ran after him. Snake ran quickly and attempted to enter an Army Surplus store. Homer tackled him inside. The two kept fight on the ground as Homer wailed on Snake, until they heard a shotgun cocking. Both looked up to see Herman holding the Shotgun to them.
A Donut, with its pink frosting stuck to Homer's back, fell, it rolled out the still moving door and out onto the street. Lester, on his Skateboard swung by, his eyes narrowed as he peaked through the shifting door to see Herman with the shotgun pointed towards Homer. He then kept moving. As he did so he passed, the home of Ned Flanders. Reverend Lovejoy was passing by with his sheepdog, encouraging it to go on Flanders's lawn.
"C'mon boy, this is the spot, right here. That's a good boy, do your dirty sinful business."
Flanders poked his head out of his home.
"Well, howdy, Reverend Lovejoy. Nice to see you there ... on my lawn ... with your dog."
Lovejoy panicked.
"Oh, oh, ooh, bad dog! Look at that, right on Ned's lawn. Now how could you do such a thing?"
Lovejoy whispered to the dog.
"Good boy, don't stop now."
He went back to shouting.
"Bad dog, I condemn you to Hell."
Ned shrugged.
" Better get the old snow shovel back from the neighbors, eh?"
Ned left the window. Lovejoy went back to his dog.
"Good boy, don't stop the music."
12.
Flanders went over to the window.
"Hi Di Ho, neighborino."
He saw a woman that looked a lot like Marge Simpson but with more of a beehive hair and a girl that look a lot like Lisa. The Marge Simpson look alike was squeezing a grapefruit on the young girl's hair.
"Still making juice the old-fashioned way?"
That's when the young girl, Eliza, spoke up.
"No, I've got gum in my hair."
"Oh, we've tried everything: olive oil, lemon juice, tartar sauce, chocolate syrup, gravy, bacon fat, hummus and baba ganoush."
"My scalp hurts from horsefly bites."
Ned tried to think of a solution.
"Why don't you freeze it with an ice cube, and hit it with a hammer? Works for me when I get bubbly-gum in the old push-broom."
13.
Ned hit away, but all this did was flatten the gum. There was a flash from a doorway outside the kitchen. Out stepped . He stood in the door, posing triumphantly.
"I…Have…Returned."
He stepped out of the way.
"And I am not alone."
Several dopplegangers, identical to many Springfield Residents, walked in behind him. They included Groundskeeper Willie, Lionel Hutz and the Capital City Goofball. The Goofball. The Goofball stood next to Eliza. She noticed that the fur was a little too real and then looked up at its face. In fact, the Goofball looked really real. She stared into its mouth and saw what looked like Human Eyeballs sticking out of a flashy maw. Flanders noticed this too. He realized no one seemed to be paying attention to him. The room was now extremely full. He backed away quickly and as soon as he could moved towards the door. No one seemed to notice him leaving.
Flanders didn't run home. He was worried they'd followed him. As he ran he passed a pair of black shoes hanging from a telephone wire. A gust of wind caused them to fall. They struck Cletus Spuckler in the head. He got up and rubbed his noggin in pain. Looking at the Shoes and then the wire. He quickly grabbed them and ran.
14.
"Hey, what's going on on this side?
Brandine was doing the dishes when Cletus walked in with the black shoes.
"Hey, Brandine! You might could wear these to your job interview."
"And scuff up the topless dancin' runway? Naw, you best bring 'em back from where you got 'em."
Cletus immediately left. He climbed the telephone pole and hurled them onto the wire.
"Hey you know what? I could call my ma while I'm up here."
He yelled.
"Hey, maw! Get off the dang roof!"
15.
The Wire connected to the Android's Dungeon. Jeff Albertson, the owner, was making a food order. Milhouse walked in, needing to use the bathroom.
"Can I use your bathroom."
"You have to make a purchase to use the Bathroom."
Milhouse looked into his pocket.
"I got three quarters."
Comic Book Guy looked at the quarters and pulled from the rack a Hamburger Adventure Comic Book. He looked at the price. Not enough. Milhouse barely noticed an autograph of Sean Connery's James Bond signed by Roger Moore and while there was a story behind that, he wouldn't have time to hear it. Then His father came into the store.
"Milhouse are you buying a comic book?"
"I needed to buy something to use the bathroom."
His father took his hand and led him out.
16.
Herman had Homer and Snake tied to chairs. Ball gags in their mouth. They had both been beaten.
"As soon as Zed gets here, the party will begin."
There was a buzz at the door. Herman sighed.
"Now what?"
He left to go to the front. Putting his Shotgun on a rack. It was Kirk.
"Can I help you?"
"Can my son use your bathroom?"
"Sure. It's in the back. Make it quick"
Milhouse ran passed Herman. Herman turned, trying to stay emotionless. He saw Milhouse go into the right room, further down the hall was the basement where his two hostage were.
After that it was just Kirk and Herman.
"You know this used to be a pet shop?
Milhouse stepped out of the bathroom, but noticed something in the back and began to move. What he found almost made him gasp. Snake and Homer shook their heads quickly and nervously. The little noise was heard by Herman. He grabbed a gun from under the counter and pointed it at Kirk.
"Get in the Corner."
Kirk did so. Herman backed away while facing Kirk. His only hand moved behind the entrance and reached towards the wall. It fell only empty air and wood. Herman turned sharply to see an outline of where a shotgun should have been on the wall. He turned sharply and then heard the shotgun blast, and felt it as well. Blood sprayed on his face and his body was knocked onto his back on the floor. It took a second for him to notice but he looked down to see that there was a hole in his chest. He looked up to see Milhouse holding a shotgun. Tears in his eyes. Milhouse screamed in pain and grabbed his ears. A thought ran through Herman's head.
"I survived Vietnam to die to this?"
He looked at his missing arm and chuckled mentally.
" It stopped."
And at that moment, Herman Hermann was KIA.
Milhouse had dropped his shotgun. Kirk Van Houten ran to hug his crying son. He saw the to tied up people and prepared to free them. Then there was a bell. Homer and Snake knew what that meant. Kirk grabbed Milhouse and ran to behind Snake and Homer. He began to untie Homer first, he knew him and trusted him more than Snake.
"Hello... Herman!?"
The man wandered through.
"You here? You said you had some fresh meat. I though we were gonna have ourselves a Spit Roast."
Having only time to untie Homer. Kirk, Milhouse and Homer quickly took cover in the back.
"Hello?"
The man, Zedd spotted Herman dead on the floor. He was saddened by this. He'd left Los Angeles and a group with similar tastes to his own. Turns out this saved his life as his friends had been off, word on the streets Marsellus Wallace had done it. If he'd been there that probably would have been him. Herman was at least his one friend. Zedd picked up Herman's shotgun. He heard a noise, a loud rumbling noise. It sounded like a…
That's when Homer turned the corner sharply and rammed a chainsaw into Zedd's stomach. He was impaled. Zedd began to sputter out blood from his mouth. He stared into Homer's eyes, who looked back in anger as the light went out in Zedd's eyes. Homer's face was now covered in blood.
_
17.
Lisa smiled at her new haircut, at the kid friendly Snippy Longstocking, her hair now going forward rather than back.
"I Finally look like a real person!"
Homer entered the door. Stone faced. Clearly beaten.. Lisa was confused.
"What happened to you?"
"Don't ask…let's just say Daddy will be…questioned by the police later."
The two stepped out.
"Nice haircut."
"Thank you."
Nelson pointed at her.
"HA-ha!"
Lisa sighed and put on a wool hat. Alice Glick walked by and tripped on the curb. Nelson pointed at her too. A tiny Volkswagen Beetle drove by with a man that could barely fit. Nelson laughed at this.
"HA!…"
The car stopped and the man got out, revealing that he was massively tall, much taller than Nelson.
"Haaaaaa..."
The Man now walked towards Nelson.
"Crud!"
Nelson took off running in fear. He was soon caught by the man.
" Do you find something comical about my appearance when I'm driving my automobile?"
"Yeah."
"Everyone needs to drive a vehicle, even the very tall. Am I therefore to be made the subject of fun?"
"I guess so."
18.
Nelson was left running across the street with his pants down. The Tall Guy behind him
"Hey, everybody! Look at this - it's that boy who laughs at everyone. Let's laugh at him!"
The people of Springfield began laughing.
As Nelson passed a bridge, Ketchup and Mustard were sprayed on him. Bart was back on the Bridge. Milhouse, with sadness walked up next to him.
"Still here?"
"Mom and Dad weren't home. So I came back here?."
Milhouse just leaned.
"You alright?"
"I had a tough day."
"Wanna talk about it?"
"No."
"Want me to…"
"No….Don't read my mind with your Shining Powers. I'd rather you didn't have to go through something like that.
"What happened?
"Let's just say. Everybody in town has a story to tell…and there's not enough time to hear them all."
Bart looked at his watch.
Skinner sat Bart down. He was dressed in his military uniform.
"Now I wanted to give you this."
He held out a Watch.
Selma and I aren't going to have any kids, so as much as I hate to say it, you're all I got. "
"What is it?"
"This Watch belonged to a good friend of mine. A friend who cared about it deeply. A friend who didn't make it. He didn't want it to fall into enemy hands, so when I was captured. I hid this uncomfortable hunk of metal up my ass for two years."
"Eww."
"Don't worry it's clean."
He put it in Bart's hand.
"And now it's yours."
Bart was looking at the watch Skinner had given him. Milhouse said something that knocked him out of his thought.
"There isn't 22. There's 18."
"What?"
"You're watch. There's no 22."
Bart looked at it. He hadn't really been paying attention to it.
"It's in Octal."
"What's Octal?"
"It's in Counts of eight. That's how everyone counts."
"Why?"
Bart looked at Milhouse and held up his hands, which Displayed four fingers, three fingers and a thumb on each hand. Eight fingers in total. Bart's face was one of "No Duh."
"Oh right."
Suddenly Professor Frink arrived behind Milhouse, touching down with a Jetpack.
"Bart, Milhouse, oh thank god! I have to warn you about the Dopplegangers!"
Bart suddenly became very concerned.
"Oh yes, Our Universe is being invaded by Dopplegangers from another Dimensions. I was just recently able to escape their clutches."
"How?"
"I will not bore you with fantastic tales of my impossible escape….Oh what the Hell…It all started when…"
THE END.