"So much happened on that one day. Professor warned us about the Dopplegangers. He'd been keep an eye on our house after Homer disappeared into that wall. The place was bugged and the Stonecutters had been keeping an eye on him. More and More Dopplegangers were coming through. Frink contacted the rest of the Stonecutters. He didn't tell Homer. He didn't know if they were a threat. Then came through and Flanders went into hiding with his family. Frink confirmed through hidden cameras that there was indeed a Flanders double walking around. The doppelgängers living in our own home likely confused Flanders for his double. The Stonecutters decided to come back together in secret. I told Dad. He was skeptical of the Doubles but then I told him about all the thad happened. He decided he'd give us a chance to take down the Doubles and not report to President Clinton that we were meeting again in secret.

And you won't believe where we decided to meet.

We all decided to join the Ancient Mystic Society of No Homers. Number One hated this but George Bush seemed to accept this as a compromise, despite Number One's protest.

"But the name says No Homers!?"

"Exactly, it says No HomerS! We're allowed to have one."

"However, all that was put-on hold when Homer received the news."

They'd found Abe.

The family, including Dad and Mona went to see him in the Hospital after he calmed down. His eyes lit up when she saw her.

"Mona?"

"Hello Abe."

Abe stuttered. Mona hugged him. He finally recovered.

"Where the Hell have you been?"

Abe pulled away, holding onto her shoulders. Mona's eyes softened.

There was a pause.

Then both started laughing. The entire family joined in.

The laughter died down and they both became very serious.

The two kissed passionately.

After parting.

"Mona, I'm sorry. I had another love….It didn't work out but….I did."

Mona didn't seem bothered by this. She seemed understanding.

It's alright. Abe. I forgive you. How could I not? I was gone from your life for so long.

"Were you faithful to me?"

"Yes."

Abe lowered his head.

"Then you were stronger than me. Mona."

"Abe don't say that."

"Why not? It's true."

Abe sulked. Mona hugged him.

They remained like that for sometime.
_

"THE EIGHTH HELLFISH HAS DIED."

That was what the letter said.

Abe had boasted about his role in the Flying Hellfish and showed his medals. The members during the war included himself as Platoon Leader, and Charles Montgomery Burns.

Sheldon Skinner was the father of Seymour Skinner and husband of Agnes. He was the Radio Operator. Private Fifth Class Arnold "Arnie" Gumble. Nedwynn Flanders was Unit Commander of the unit. He was the granduncle of Ned Flanders. Iggy Wiggum was the unit's Grenadier. Milton Haas also known as Oxford Haas due to his education, though his speech impediment made him sound somewhat dimwitted. Etch Western was the teams' sniper. He liked to draw, funny given his name. Finally was Griff McDonald.

The unit fought in the Battle of the Bulge. What Abe had not told us was that he had made a Tontine with the unit over paintings they had stolen that were worth millions. The last one to die would get the paintings. Nedwynn Flanders was not present and so not included In the Tontine.

Haas was the first to die soon after the war. He had suffered a concussion that was not treated in time and would lead to his death. The group went onto fight again in the Korean War but only briefly. Then in 1979, tragedy struck, during a parade celebrating the Veterans, in which the Flying Hellfish were present on a float. A terrorist set off a bomb near the float. Sheldon Skinner, Arnie Gumble, Iggy Wiggum, Etch Westgrin and Griff McDonald were killed. This left Abe Simpson, Charles Montgomery Burns and Asa Phelps as the sole survivors. When the Tontine became public knowledge. It was speculated that Burns had organized the attack but no evidence has been found to prove this.

Then there was Asa Phelps. In retirement, Phelps worked at the United Strut and Bracing Works as a molder boy. He was replaced by a Molding machine called the Molder-Matic. Shortly after losing his job, he took his own life. This meant that Abe Simpson was the sole survivor of the Flying Hellfish.

-Do the Bartman: The Unauthorized Biography of Bart Simpson.

"Grampa attended the funeral. He didn't celebrate. He just seemed sad. The Flying Hellfish were buried next to each other. This included Burns. As Abe Simpson stood at Phelps's grave. He turned to see someone at Burns's grave, surrounded by men in black coats and hats. Abe walked forward."

"Did you know Burns?"

"Longer than you knew him."

The man turned, to reveal a thin white square mustache. Abe recognized him. He felt like he was about to have a heart attack. The man Abe recognized as none other than Hitler, reached into his coat and pulled out a letter. He held it out in front of it.

"Burns was mad for revenge. He left me everything, in exchange for funding for his mad scheme to block out the sun. I am here to claim what is owed."

Abe clenched his fists.

"Over my dead body."

"That is the idea."

Hitler turned and walked away followed closely by the men in trenchcoats.

"Hitler is going to take back Burns's Mansion!"

The rest of the Simpsons family looked at him. Bart broke the silence.

"I don't think any of us expected him to say that."

The Simpsons didn't believe him. Abe had seen it himself..

" kidnapped me. He showed me."

Abe did have the memory of waking up in a field and walking forward.

"Why did you bring me here? Where are we?"

"Argentina."

"Argentina? Why'd you bring me.."

Abe then saw someone stepping out of the house he had appeared in. He moved to hide.

"Is that."

"Adolf Hitler."

"He's alive?"

"Yes."

"But how?"

"Cloning. Just like Burns had. In Fact. I believe this Hitler is a clone. Perhaps he provided the cloning technology to Burns."

"Abe was speechless. He began to move forward but stopped him."

"No. He is well guarded. If you cross this hedge you will be shot on sight. If you want to kill Hitler. You need to bring him out of hiding."

"Yeah, well how do I do that?"

"Patience. You will know when."

"Abe now looked at ."

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because I don't like someone more evil than me walking around. I try my hardest dammit."

Abe finished his story. While strange. The Simpsons were still skeptical.

Then came the murder attempts.

First Abe's alarm woke him up. He was scared of the assassination attempts and in panic, hurled a glass of water with his dentures at the wall and put the alarm clock in his mouth.

" you family is here to visit you?"

The Nurse in charge of taking care of Abe in his new home, bought with his riches had been the one to announce that.

"Hot Diggity, my family's come to visit me!

He ran down the hall.

"Wait a minute... My family never comes to vi... Whoa!"

Abe ducked just as a knife landed right where his head had been. A man with a thin mustache

When the knife failed, he pulled out a small handgun. Abe panicked and ran. The assassin followed. He found himself in a corner and turned to face the man aiming the gun. He didn't close his eyes. He just waited for the end.

Then came the shot.

The assassin fell to the floor. Abe looked up confused.

Mona stood there holding the literal smoking gun. Abe looked up at her. He was not surprised to see her. She had spent the night. What surprised him was she never saw her as a killer.

The gun was shaking and was soon dropped.

"Abe?"

"Mona."

The two hugged.

The would be assassin's name was Francisco Vidal. Abe knew without a doubt in his mind that Hitler had hired the assassin. For his own safety he agreed to move into the Burns mansion with the family.

"But what if they come after you again?"

Lisa asked Abe.

"I have a plan for that."

He revealed two keys around his neck.

"I had fake keys made. So I can just give Hitler these and keep the real ones for myself. What could go wrong?"

A Cherry Picker burst through the wall of Abe's room. Abe panicked and leaped out of the bed. The rest of the Simpsons family came running. Hitler stood on top of the Cherry Picker. A half asleep Herb squinted his eyes.

"Santa?"

Abe panicked.

"Don't kill me!"

Hitler stretched out his hand in the rain.

"Give me the keys."

Hitler's men pointed guns at the family.

"Or they die."

Abe Simpson sighed and reached up and presented a key.

"It take it you already have the other ones."

Hitler nodded.

"Fine. Just please don't kill them."

Abe through the Keys and Hitler caught them in a fist.

"auf Wiedersehen"

Bart ran and jumped next to Hitler. Guns were pointed towards him.

"Please Hitler take me with you. C'mon we could form a new Hitler Youth."

Hitler looked at him and rubbed his chin.

"I admire your optimism, Aryan boy, but I cannot trust you to not betray me."

Hitler pushed Bart off. He just barely caught onto the side of the room. The family pulled him up. Hitler looked around the room of the Mansion.

"Nice place. I will enjoy living here."

The Cherry Picker backed out with Hitler on it, leaving the Simpsons alone in the ruined room.

"His English was surprisingly good."

"Well Historically reports said he spoke really good English." Lisa commented.

Abe fell to his knees.

"Great. Now the most evil man in history is gonna be even more stinking' rich."

"Not without the key, he isn't."

Bart held up the Keys. Abe sputtered in shock.

"Whatcha….You got the keys!"

"Some Shining mind reading and slight of hand. Thanks to you have the fake keys. Now we can get the treasure."

Abe stood up triumphantly.

"The Simpsons are going on a treasure hunt."

Marge spoke up.

"I'm not putting the kids in danger."

Mona spoke up as well.

"Go Abe, I can take care of the kids. Homer? You help your father."

"Doh!"

Marge stepped up.

"I'll go too. I am a cop after all."

Abe felt himself become sad.

"Oh what's the point. We can't possibly fight Hitler. We'd all be killed."

There was a silence but then Bart went up and put a hand on his knee.

" I can't believe you, Grampa. The sergeant in that story you told would never be scared of Hitler. The gramps I knew fought in a war to stop a man like him, literally him, from taking over the world. For all the Millions of people who died because of him, you've got to do it. Do it for Ox, and Asa, and Griff, and Burnsie... Well, not so much Burnsie. But you gotta do it."

Abe looked at Bart and then the family's saddened expressions.

"Oh what the hell…It's too late to die young."
_

Abe and Home walked to the boat as Flanders pulled it out of his driveway.

"Here we go it's all yours."

"How much do we owe ya?"

"Oh just think of it as a gift from one Stonecutter to another, but I was wondering what you're gonna use it for."

"We're going to find Treasure and prevent Hitler from getting it…and also if we can kill Hitler."

"Flanders smiled."

"I can't think of any more noble a goal than that."
_

As the Speedboat sped off. Marge noticed something moving in the tarp in the back. She pulled it up.

"Bart!"

"C'mon, I'm not missing this."

Lisa poked her head out too.

"Me neither."

Homer, Marge and Abe looked at each other.

"Well too late now. Welcome aboard, but stay hidden."

Bart and Lisa hid themselves.

Homer finished putting on the Scuba Gear. Abe gave him instructions.

"Alright. Tug twice if you've got the paintings."

"Are you sure they're down there?"

Abe looked at the Compass.

"Exact coordinates. Now go.

Homer went down into the water. Bart looked over to Abe.

"Hey, Grampa, do you thing I could've been a Flying Hellfish?"

"You're a gutsy daredevil with a give-em-hell attitude and a 4th grade education. You could've made sergeant."

Homer emerged in the Suit from the water, carrying the crate. The family smiled. The crate was opened. Abe inspected one of the paintings.

"He did it."

Homer kept rising. As if he was standing up. Then as if he was floating. Then it was clear why. A Submarine was rising around them. The Simpsons all leaped off the boat and onto the rising Submarine. Emerging from the Submarine was Hitler and his men. Realizing they were on the U-boat, Abe surrendered.

Alright take the Paintings, but why do you care so much anyway?

"They belong in German hands. They are works of art. They were in my own collection. I painted some of them myself. They are all I have left from those days. Those days where I was truly happy, before everything."

The Simpsons were a bit surprised. Homer broke the ice.

"ohhhh…They're your Rosebud."

The Nazis had taken the paintings.

"Farewell, Flying Hellfish."

Hitler kicked Bart into the now empty crate and overboard. Everyone in the family immediately left to save him. Abe held Bart close after pulling him out.

"I'm sorry I cost you your fortune, Grampa."

"Oh, the fortune doesn't matter, boy; the important thing is you're safe."

The Submarine began to blare as it prepared to go under.

Then the front exploded.

Several nazis, including Hitler, were thrown back by the blast and into the water. The Simpsons looked around and saw Helicopters coming in and more Speedboats with army men.

"The army?"

Bart raised his hand.

"I may have made a call to Skinner and he called his old army dudes. I mean his dad was a Hellfish after all."

" Good one boy. Now let's get that fortune!"

Hitler panicked and jumped onto the Simpson's Speedboat, which they had abandoned. Bart noticed first.

"We got a runner!"

Abe, feeling suddenly more spry than he had in a long time, leaped onto the Speedboat and held on. He went into the water but still held on. Hitler was not alone. Another Nazi had joined him.

"We're too heavy."

This was a lie, but Hitler didn't trust anyone at the moment. Without thinking the Nazi officer on the boat with him saluted.

"It's been an honor serving you sir."

The Nazi leaped off the boat. He intended to leap into the war.

Instead due to a miscalculation on his part. He was torn apart by the Propeller. Abe climbed onboard and attacked Hitler. A fight ensued. The Nazi's body was gunking up the propeller like Taffy. A Sharp turn accidentally at the wheel and the Speedboat hit the shore and overturned. Abe and Hitler tumbled out.

Hitler stood up. He saw Abe getting up and reached towards the gun he carried. It was gone. Hitler looked up at Abe, who had stood upright first. He was also holding the gun. Abe aimed it at him. Hitler panicked.

"Please. Don't kill me!"

"I like to watch you squirm"

Hitler nervously squirmed in place, moving like a worm.

"Is this to your liking? I'll do anything just please don't kill me!..I'm afraid to die!"

Abe held up the pistol.

"Now they won't be able to save your brain, Hitler."

Bam.

The Coast Guard and the Army came to the shore. Abe walked forward to be greeted by the Simpsons. Bart ran up to him.

" Oh... I'd hug you, but I know you'd just get embarrassed."

"I won't get embarrassed; I don't care who knows I love my Grampa."

The two hugged. Soon the whole family present joined in. Abe smiled.

"I Feel the love."

Abe's smile then turned into a look of horror.

"Wait no….It's a Heart Attack."

The stress of the Day's events had finally caught up with him.

Abe then collapsed. The scene of celebration turned to panic. As the Simpsons shouted for a Doctor.

"A bear wandered into Springfield. It was subdued with tranquilizer darts but the damage was done. A Wildlife Patrol was established. There was an increased tax for it and it was stopped soon after. I can't help but think that if Mayor Quimby was still in charge. He'd have blamed it on Immigrants."

-Moaning Lisa: The Autobiography of Lisa Parkfield.

"Dad had an internal crisis. Otto had wrecked the schools and so he started carpooling. That's when he found out that the kids these days hated Sadgasm and even the Be Sharps. He started to think he wasn't relevant anymore. Dad had been invited to Hullabalooza...

Hullabalooza is an annual four day touring Festival that began touring in 1991. It features multiple music genres.

-Hullabalooza Wikipedia Entry.

Sadgasm was invited to this year's Hullabalooza. Peter Frampton was performing. Dad was shot wit an inflatable Pig by mistake. He took it like a champ. Though he was warned he couldn't take many more shots to the stomach. He had lost a lost of weight, I feel like once upon a time he would have taken several cannonball shots but not this time. Still Sadgasm performed. Among the attractions for 1996's Hullapalooza were Musical Performers: Cypress Hill, Sonic Youth, The Smashing Pumpkins, and Peter Frampton. They also had a Freakshow in the form of the Jim Rose Circus. Courtney Love was intended to appear but Sonic Your refused to perform if they were invited. For the most part is was the first time Dad got to meet any of these artists. Billy Corgan went up and introduced himself as "Bill Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins." Dad responded with "Homer Simpson. Smiling politely." Dad also got to meet Kurt Cobain, singer of the band Nirvana. Cobain's career was almost the opposite of Homer's. He'd gone from a Grunge band inspired by Sadgasm to a band inspired by Jazz and the Be Sharps.

However, the tour had a somber meaning for Homer. When Homer was a child, he was taken to Woodstock in 1969 by grandma and grampa. He watched Hendrix due to electric guitar solo of "The Star Spangled Banner". He didn't know that same year, his mother would disappear. Mona was there with her hippie friends and loved it. Grampa booed Hendrix, he preferred She Na Na, but Dad danced naked in the mud and did air guitar. That day had special memories for him. Well while Dad was touring, he discovered a veterinarian at the event was taking care of a dog, owned by none other than Jimmi Hendrix. The Dog was named Rover. He'd been a puppy when Hendrix died and the man had been taking care of him ever since. He was very old, expected to pass away any day. Dad decided to adopt him. We had dogs, Santa's Little Helper and She's the Fastest. Their puppies had been sold mostly to our friends and neighbors, but Dad wanted to take care of this old dogs. It was not only because Jimmi Hendrix meant a lot to him. I think in his head, his father's recent heart attack made him realize that his father would die soon, and he wanted to be ready for it.

I remember he was driving us home one night and he turned to us and asked.

"Am I cool?"

I don't know what brought that on, but I told him. "Yes Dad. Yes. you're cool."

I'm not sure what this did, but he seemed bothered by something.

It was the last day of school. I was graduating from 6th grade and about to enter 7th grade. Bart was exiting 8th Grade and about to enter High School.

I realized she was unpopular, Sure I got a lot of yearbook signings but it seemed to be mostly people recognizing I would be famous rather than liking me for who I was. I didn't seem to actually have that many friends except for a handful like Allison Taylor. Bart on the other hand had a whole bunch of people lining up for his signature.

Then came the day. The Stonecutters had come up with a plan. They didn't tell us what it was but they said it would clear out our old home full of Dopplegangers. While we waited it was decided the neighborhood wasn't safe. In Springfield it was too easy for any of our residents to be Dopplegangers. So Ned had us move to a beach house. It was mom's idea for us to bring a friend. Bart brought Milhouse. I don't think he had fun. We played that old Mystery Date Game and Dad mocked Milhouse for looking a lot like "The Dud" in the game. I can't imagine Mystery Date is that much fun to play if you're a boy.

"Oh. You got the Dud!"

None of my friends could make it. I decided I would change myself to be more popular. I left behind all my nerdy stuff and bought new clothes, trying to be cool, and it worked. I made new friends by hiding how smart I was and acting detached. Bart was actually kind of jealous and he showed my new friends my yearbook. I ran away crying. Bart apologized for it, but I thought my friendships had been ruined, then I found my new friends decorating our family car with Seashells. I talked to them and we promised to stay friends. Bart got Milhouse and my new friends to sign my yearbook. As we left. I got giddy, holding my yearbook and watching the sun go own. I was really happy. Then it hit me. I started to frown. How was this possible? It didn't make any sense I saw the future and in that future I wasn't…I want to be President…There was nothing about this there. Should I avoid it. I already decided I'd follow my own path…This didn't happen before. I was already an outcast for begin a Vegetarian. Now I'm going to be even more of an outcast. I started to mutter words in my head: "First Straight Female President." "First Straight Female President."…"First….Female…President."

Milhouse seemed to notice how I was acting and looked concerned.

"What's wrong?"

I couldn't hold it in any longer. The panic overtook me. I shouted it. A little too loud. The entire car turned to face me, mouths agape in surprise.

"I LIKE GIRLS!"