The Doors to 742 Evergreen Terrace opened for the first time in what felt like ages. The grass on the front lawn was overgrown. Milhouse stepped out of the Simpson car. His head was down. Bart went out to speak to him.

"You sure we can't drop you at your house."

"No Bart. It's okay. I like to be left alone for awhile."

And with that he walked away.

The awkward silence continued into the home. At which point Homer pushed the door open.

"Here we are! We're home!"

There was no real celebration. Though Professor Frink insisted the House had been purged of all dimensional rifts and the Dopplegangers had evidently left the area. Still they were skeptical. We would spend at least one night in the house. It sounded like the premise for a horror movie but they still felt familiar with the house. It still felt like home. Lisa and I went back to meet our friends.

-Do the Bartman: The Unauthorized Biography of Bart Simpson

"Lisa's Gay!" Bart shouted.

No one else heard. They were alone in a field.

Lisa rolled her eyes.

" Right like It's wrong to be gay like my heroes. Billie jean King, Susan Sontag, Sappho of Lesbos, and I suspect Peppermint Patty."

Bart just seemed confused."

"There's a place called Lesbos? No wonder they were gay."

A thought occurred to Lisa.

"Wait. You can read minds. How come you didn't know.

He shrugged and responded with a sounds that sounds vague like" Idunuh". He then followed up on this.

"I don't just go reading my sister's mind, but honestly your mind is a mess. I don't understand anything in your brain. It's all math and science stuff, but you were still trying to figure it out. You weren't sure. So why would I be sure? And don't worry. I won't tell anyone. Mostly because I got that out of my system."

"Thanks Bart."

"So…are you going to start dating Allison or something…"

"No. Not Allison. That would be weird. Besides I didn't have a crush on her before. I'm probably not going to have a crush on her now."

"So who will you date?"

Lisa shrugged.

"I don't know. I Guess it could be anyone."

"Me and Lisa woke up mom and Dad. We heard something moaning and I thought I saw something moving in the vent. Dad had forgotten to check the attic. There were noises coming from it, so he went up told us to stay but we followed him up. The Attic was filled with unsold copies of Dad'A autobiography "Homer, I hardly knew me." Lisa saw something and pointed to it. Homer turned the light but just saw chains on the wall shaking. Those chains hadn't been there before. That's when we saw him. He was standing on a trunk and laughing. He lunged at us and we ran. Homer stayed but lost sight of him. We found bones, fish heads and a dog bowl with a ribcage inside. We hoped from an animal. We heard the front door open. We believed he had escaped. The Family all split up to look for him, the Stonecutters were called in. Something, call it a hunch, made me go back to the house. I stood there at the front door.

"You're still here aren't you?"

"Yes, Lester. I never left you."

Bart turned around to see Hugo, he looked a lot like Bart, except he was missing teeth, had a misshapen brow and mangled hair. He wore a dirty version of Bart's red shirt and blue jeans. His favorite combination of clothes made iconic when Bart became famous.

"I'm not Lester. My name is Bart."

"No you're lying. It's you. It has to be you."

Bart became less scared and more confused.

"You mean you don't know about the Imposters?"

"The what?"

Bart tried to find an explanation.

"You're in another world. Another universe."

Hugo looked around as if that could tell him anything.

"Where is Lester?"

"He's gone. From what we can tell."

Hugo seemed sad to hear this, which was strange to Bart.

"They torture me and then they abandon me."

Bart, still scared, tried to move slowly to put a hand on Hugo's shoulder.

"Hugo I…"

Hugo suddenly became angry.

"Show me the right side of your stomach."

'What?"

"Show me!"

"Bart. Confused lifted his shirt to show a small scar."

"You're an evil twin. Just like Lester."

'What? No…I was hit by a car once, that's what left the scar."

"You're lying!"

"Here. I'll show you."

"Bart concentrated his Shining powers into Hugo. What he saw would haunt him for a long time afterwards. He saw two babies, one violently bit the other at birth, so there were separated. Their parents looked a lot like his. Then there was the years of abusing that poor boy with chains and feeding him fish heads. Then they brought him through a portal into another world and chained him up."

Bart went in too deep. He passed out from the shock.

Bart woke up tied to table with rope, shirtless. He screamed.

Hugo leaned in to face him.

"I went made after they tore up apart. After they split us the torture began. You may not be Lester, but you have the scar, we are together again, they will treat us better."

"You're insane. You'll kill us both."

"No it's possible. I've done it."

Hugo opened a box.

"I made a Pigeon rat."

A rat and a pigeon had been stitched together on the pigeon was screaming and trying to fly. The rat was trying to run and biting at the pigeon, leaving a bloody mess of blood and feathers and feces from both.

Hugo prepared to stitch himself to Bart.

"Hugo Stop!"

had arrived. Hugo turned with the needle in his hand being held like a weapon.

"Stand back."

"There There Hugo. I understand. All Those years caged up in the attic why you probably never even seen your own face in the mirror have you."

As he walked he grabbed a picture frame and held it up to his face. Hugo looked at the image in the Frame confused.

's face looked, back. Followed by a fist. Knocking Hugo out.

"The question was what to do with Hugo. We didn't want to kill him. He had been a victim of abuse and torture. The Stonecutters set up a system, which the family agreed to, that Hugo would come spend Dinner with us. He'd be watched closely and then would return to Stonecutters custody, who treated him a lot better and allowed him to run around. set up the backstory of Hugo being Bart's long lost twin and after awhile they made plans to adopt Hugo.

"Bart. How would you like to have another brother?"

Surprisingly It was Lisa who spoke first, but she was actually saying what both of them were thinking.

"You mean you're adopting Hugo?"

"Lisa please we're talking to Bart."

Homer approached Bart and put his hand on his shoulder. Lisa crossed her arms. Her father had seemed to be ignoring her passive aggressively like this since her coming out. Bart thought about this.

"I don't hate Hugo. He's not evil. He's just been abused for so long. I want to help him get better. I want him to have a family.

"And he will."

"I admit I was feeling a drive to push myself now that Dad seemed to want nothing to do with me. There was a science fair coming up and I did an experiment with a Petri dish dissolving a baby tooth from Herb. Bart gave me a static shock as I touched the tooth. It was supposed to be a harmless prank. Then when I looked at the Petri dish I saw something shocking, no pun intended. There was a tiny civilization in that Petri dish. That shouldn't have been possible even with the shock and the baby tooth. I thought about it. I finally realized that this had to some kind of residue from the rift. They wouldn't have noticed something like this. I showed it to Frink and he confirmed my fears. He asked to keep it for research and I agreed. Frink even offered one of his smaller experiments in place of the Petri dish. So I still won at least.

Frink did not have any easy time from what he said. Tiny Spaceships tried to attack him. He put the Petri dish in a giant container. Another day a Giant hideous creature emerged. It promptly died, seemingly of suffocation, or as Frink said, some kind of weird death from too much oxygen. It seemed the entity, whatever it was, it was too small to breathe oxygen molecules wherever it came from. The next visit was from a being wearing some kind of spacesuit. That also died. Apparently time moved differently wherever it was from and it only had enough…not oxygen…to last for some time. Because it was so big it used up its supply quickly and died.

Professor Frink brought me in to speak to it behind glass. It spoke a language I didn't understand. Then it collapsed in front of me. It died just like the other ones. All these explorers, plus many others, were probably dying over what was thousands of years to them, all to meet me. I took a look at the Petri dish. They thought of me as a god. I started to wonder about how God viewed humanity and how insignificant it all was. Finally after a few hours, the messengers started sending robots. Then they started speaking wrong English…and then broken English but still English. I was going to agree to be shrunk down but Frink said it was a bad idea. Time passed differently in the Petri dish world. If I went down there even for a few seconds I could return to find a wasteland and everyone I knew dead. Instead Frink sent a robot lookalike of me. I was able to communicate with them this way.

When I shrunk down I noticed just how futuristic their world was. How advanced. There were statues of me. They revered me. I noticed they seemed to be aware of Bart. They considered him something like the devil. They said he spoke in their heads and his followers were shunned and killed. I realized what had happened and I would talk to Bart about it.

"So you are God of the Petri dish people."

"Fraid' so."

"What do they look like?"

"Kind of like amoeba, though they're shaped, weird. Kind of like Lizards.

"So you're the Lizard Queen."

Lisa deadpanned.

"Yes, Bart. I am the Lizard Queen…but you know they say you've been talking to them."

"Oh yeah, I tried my Shining on them once. I thought I heard very tiny thoughts but I couldn't understand them. It was like small emotions but that was it."

"You probably shouldn't do that. They are very monotheistic. They think you're the devil."

"Are you implying I'm not?"

"I'm not implying you aren't."

" Alright. No Shining near the Petri People. I'll tell you what. Since I have the Shining this can be your thing."

"What thing?"

"You know. I can read minds and you're the god of the little people."

"Dad went missing while fishing. We feared the worst. "

-Moaning Lisa, the autobiography of Lisa Parkfield.

Homer sat calmly.

"Ah... The old fishin' hole. So peaceful and relaxing, doesn't even matter if I catch a single fish. "

He yawned and paused for a moment. Then he jolted forward.

" Come on, you stupid fish! Take the bait! Don't make me come down there!"

That was when a loud noise called his attention. There was a flying saucer hovering over him. A beam shined on Homer and hw was lifted upwards. He panicked, trying in vain to move away.

Inside he met two hideous tentacled aliens with a single large eyeball and a mouth of sharp teeth.

"Oh, my God. Space aliens. Don't eat me! I have a wife and kids! "

He bit his tongue to stop himself from pleading in fear that the aliens Earth them instead.

"Silence! We are travellers from Rigel VII. My name is Kang, and this is my sister Kodos."

"Hello."

Kodos had an even deeper masculine voice.

Homer gulped.

"I suppose you want to probe me. Well, might as well get it over with."

He began to remove his pants.

"Stop! We have reached the limits of what rectal probing can teach us."

"We are on a mission. Who is Earth's leader?"

Homer thought of lying but honestly if the Leader knew they'd stand a better chance against the invaders than he would.

"President Clinton. He usually hangs around Washington D.C."

" President Clin-Ton? Excellent."

"Except, um... there's this election next week, so after that, it might not be him anymore. It might be what's-his-name, uh…Ross…uh... I saw him on TV the other... uh... Bob Dole!"

"Very well. We will abduct both."

"D'oh!"

Homer hoped they abducted only one.

"A UFO decloaked above the Republican National Committee and Dole was raised into the air."

"Clinton was abducted from his bed, pulled out from the White House roof, still in bed."

"Wha-wha-wha what's happening? Is it noon already?"

His eyes widened in shock as he took in what was happening.

Stripped bare naked Clinton and Dole stood in several tubes. Dole spoke up.

"What the hell is this, some kind of tube?"

The Tube quickly filled wit a type of liquid. One it was full, Dole seemed to pass out. Clinton's tube did the same. The two aliens entered chambers beside the tubes and underwent a process. Homer watched in horror from his cell. When the lights passed an identical nude Clinto and Dole emerged. Kang had taken the role of Dole, Kodos had taken the role of Rigel. Homer gasped.

"Oh, no! Aliens, bio-duplication, nude conspiracies... Oh my God! Lyndon LaRouche was right!"

Kodos noticed him.

"What? Are you still here? I'm afraid we'll have to dispose of you…"

Kodos pushed a button.

An airlock opened behind Homer and he was sucked out into space.

Homer woke up. Frink was standing in front of him.

"Oh good you're awake."

"What happened?"

"Looks like you died…again…This is you Fourth Clone Body…after the jumping of the Springfield Gorge and the Blowfish and the Ahoy!…Just a reminder you only have a hundred of these. You are burning through them surprisingly close."

"Pointdexter! You gotta believe me! Aliens!."

"I believe you even if I hadn't seen your memories when your consciousness was downloaded. I needed to hack into these satellites to find it. Frink pressed several buttons on the panel and with a mouse displayed Homer's frozen corpse in space."

"Good news is it won't be long before the Government find it too and they'll probably suspect something."

"We have to save the President…and that other guy."

The Corpses of Bill Clinton and Bob Dole floated through space on the monitor still naked.

Homer laughed just a little but mostly he was horrified. He was looking at two dead bodies. Two good men dead. What he thought was the third Presidential assassination in history. A realization then hit him. He was dead too.

"So it's true."

He looked at his hands.

"What am I?"

"We you're a clone. One with an artificial brain. Surprisingly you're brain didn't take up that much space."

Homer also felt smarter, like Frink did something. His head felt weirdly lighter like something had been removed.

"Why did they go abduct me?"

"Our little alien in the Stonecutters isn't answering our calls. We think he sold you out oh great Chosen one."

" Kent Brockman here, with Campaign '96: America Flips A Coin. At an appearance this morning, Bill Clinton made some rather cryptic remarks, which aides attributed to an overly tight necktie."

" I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands."

He crossed his arms.

"End communication."

Homer burst into the home. The rest of the family stood up.

"Marge! Marge! There I was, I had just caught the largest fish you'd ever seen, when I was abducted by a flying saucer!"

"Bigger than General Sherman?" Said Bart.

"Not the point boy."

The TV was still on.

"Senator Dole, why should people vote for you instead of President

Clinton?"

" It makes no difference which one of us you vote for. Either way, your planet is doomed. DOOMED!"

Kent tugged his collar, trying to salvage the odd response.

"Well, a refreshingly frank response there from senator Bob Dole."

Bob Dole prepared to give a speech.

" Ladies and Gentlemen, 73-year-old candidate, Bob Dole."

" Abortions for all."

The Crowd booed.

"Very well, no abortions for anyone."

The crowd booed.

"Hmm... Abortions for some, miniature American flags for others."

The crowd cheered and waved miniature flags.
_

Kang and Kodos walked down the streets holding hands.

" Kang spoke up. Fooling these Earth voters is easier than expected."

Kodos agreed.

"Yes. All they want to hear are bland pleasantries embellished by an occasional saxophone solo or infant kiss."

A Democratic National Committee van pulled up and George Stephanopoulos stepped out.

"Uh, Mr. President, Sir. People are becoming a bit... confused by the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands."

"We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it."

George didn't admit it but with the evidence collected it there was suspicion that Clinton and Dole were imposters. They weren't exactly subtle about it but the Government agencies weren't sure how to break it to the American people and didn't have all the facts.

Clinton gave a speech.

"My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball, but tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom."

The crowd was confused but still cheered politely.

That is when Homer, through a teleport provided by Frink appeared on the stage.

"America, take a good look at your beloved candidates. They're nothing but hideous space reptiles."

With the push of a button on a device Frink had provided, Kang and Kodos were exposed in their true forms. Gasps and screams followed.

"It's true, we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it? It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us."

Homer pulled out a gun. So did the Secret Service agents, but now towards the aliens. Homer tried to make his next line sound badass.

"No we don't…with the President and candidate dead. The Vice President and his running mate are now the main candidates. We could also vote third party."

"Go ahead. Throw your vote away."

Homer whispered to his earpiece.

"Is that right Lisa?"

"Yes that's right Dad."

Perot, who was in the audience was offended. Someone beside him shouted.

"He's right."

Kodos's eye narrowed.

"If you kill us then you will begin an invasion of our people on your planet."

Kang also joined in the strategy.

"It doesn't matter if you kill us or not. Your planet is Doomed. Doomed!"

The crowd now seemed very afraid and nervous.

Homer's eyes narrowed and he pulled the trigger. Two shots went off. Joined by the breaking of glass.

"And that's how my Dad started a war with aliens"

-Moaning Lisa: The Autobiography of Lisa Parkfield.