"Tonight's inspiring story is about Frank Grimes, a thirty-five-year-old Springfieldite who has earned everything the hard way, but never let adversity get him down.'
(Cut to old grainy footage showing Grimes as a boy)
"Abandoned by his parents at age four, Frank never got to go to school."
(The footage shows a car driving away. A young Frank Grimes is waving from the back of the car. A picture shows a young Grimes in a delivery uniform).
"He spent his childhood years as a delivery boy, delivering toys to more fortunate children."
(The next picture shows Grimes handing a present to a young boy).
"Then, on his eighteenth birthday, he was caught in a silo explosion."
The Silo Explosion is shown. The next shot is an eighteen year old Grimes in a hospital bed, plastered from head to toe in bandages.
" During his long recuperation he taught himself to feel and walk again."
Another shot shows Grimes at his desk surrounded by textbooks."
" As the years passed, he used his few leisure moments each day to study science by mail. And, last week, Frank Grimes, the man who had to struggle for everything he ever got, received his correspondence school diploma in nuclear physics - with a minor in determination."
Grimes poses with his diploma, holding it triumphantly in the air.
-Excerpt from Extraordinary People TV Program, formerly "Kent's People" prior to his departure.
"One of the people watching that program was Lenny, and he was impressed enough to hire him as executive Vice President. The next day, the same program was about a dog who pulled a toddler from a speeding car and pushed a criminal in front of it. I feel like Lenny would have hired the dog."
Anyway Grimes needed to prove himself since he had started online. So he ended dup starting at sector 7-G. As a favor, Lenny asked Homer and Carl to teach the new guy. So Lenny, Dad and Carl went down.
Carl: You new?
Grimes: Yes. My name is Frank Grimes.
Lenny: This is Carl and Homer.
Grimes: How do you do?
Homer looked over to a pod of pencils with the name Frank Grimes on then, picking one up.
Homer: Wow, you've got pencils with your name on them…just like a pencil company executive. I'd give anything for one of these.
Grimes pulled the pencil out of Homer's hand.
Grimes: Any office supply company can have them made up for you.
Homer: Can I have this one?
Grimes: No.
Homer seemed to think.
Homer: Can Lenny have it?
Grimes: No.
Lenny and Carl looked at Grimes's correspondence-school diploma.
Grimes: Oh, that's my degree in nuclear physics. I'm sure you all have one.
Lenny: Oh yeah, Carl and I each have a masters'.
He chuckled a bit.
" Of course, Homer, he didn't need a degree. He just showed up the day they opened the plant."
Homer: Oh yeah, I really needed a job.
Grimes: Um…
Grimes let out a forced laugh.
"yeah. Well, listen, I'm sure, you all have a lot of work to do."
Grimes turned around to see that Homer is still there.
Homer: Hey, you seem like a great guy, so I'll give you a little tip. If you turn that security camera around, you can sleep and no one will ever know.
Grimes: eh, I don't think we're being paid to sleep.
Homer: Oh yeah, they're always trying to screw ya.
Homer left, Grimes shuddered a bit.
"So…I bought a factory….There weren't any other bidders and I guess I looked older than I was but I bought it. And all I did was bid one dollar on a random auction I stepped into and bet it on item 751. I went with Milhouse to check it out one time. The place was a dump on 35 industry Way. I picked up a bolt on the floor and threw it. You could hear the echo. It was Filthy, and it was mine. There wasn't much there, just a swivel chair and a fire extinguisher.
"Looks like my years of hard work have finally paid off."
-Do the Bartman: The Unauthorized Biography of Bart Simpson.
At lunch, Homer spotted Grimes walking by.
Homer: Hiya Stretch, what's the good word?
Grimes: My name is "Grimes," uh, Simpson, Frank Grimes. I took the trouble to learn your name, so the least you could do is learn mine.
Homer: Okay, Grimey.
First impressions did not start off well. Homer ate Grimes's lunch, though he apologized for it, and filled around in his office.
Homer: So, how's it going, Grimey?
Grimes: I'd appreciate it if you'd stay out of my office, Simpson.
Homer: Wish I had a nickel every time I heard that.
Grimes: Simpson, we've got a 513.
Homer looked at his watch.
Grimes: No, a 513. In your procedures manual - a 513?
Homer took the manual and began to look.
Grimes: Look at your control panel.
Homer: Oh, a five THIR-teen. I'll handle it.
Homer threw a bucket of water onto the control panel, short circuiting it.
Homer: That got it.
Grimes was flabbergasted.
During the Break. Homer tried to set a world record for speed eating.
Grimes: God, he eats like a pig.
Lenny: I dunno. Pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck.
Grimes: Well, some kind of farm animal anyway. And earlier today, I saw him asleep inside a radiation suit. Can you imagine that he, he was hanging from a coat hook.
Lenny: He had three beers at lunch. That would make anybody sleepy.
Grimey: I've never seen him do any work around here ... what, what is his job?
Lenny: Safety inspector.
Grimes: That irresponsible oaf? A man who by all rights should have been killed dozens of times by now?
Lenny: Three hundred and sixteen times by my count.
Grimes: That's the man who's in charge of our safety. It, it boggles the mind.
Carl: It's best not to think about it.
Homer grabbed for a drink blindly. His hands reached for a bottle. He raised it to his lips. Grimes saw this and panicked. He ran quickly and knocked the acid away. It hit the floor and and wall. Homer screamed as Grimes covered his face. There was enough distance that no drops hit the two of them. Homer and Grimes were both in shock. Lenny nervously peaked with his new dog from behind the wall.
Lenny: What the Hell happened?
Homer: I don't know.
Grimes: That was sulfuric acid.
Homer: Who the Hell put Sulfuric acid in the break room?! That's a safety hazard.
Homer looked to Grimes.
Homer: Thanks Grimes. I owe you one.
Grimes just frowned. Lenny rubbed his chin.
Lenny: Homah can I talk to you for a second.
Homer: Sure.
Lenny invited Homer into his office.
"Homer I think someone's trying to kill you."
"You think?"
"That Beer bottle was filled with acid intentionally."
"But it had my name on it?"
"Exactly. Someone had to know you bring your own lunch and swapped it out, and it wasn't me or Carl. I ran background checks on the staff. The only one I don't really trust is the new guy."
"Grimes. You think Grimes is trying to kill me."
"I can't be sure."
Lenny rubbed his head.
"Oh man, this is my fault. I shouldn't have asked you to come back."
"Oh. It's alright. Maybe we can use this to catch my would be murderer."
"Homer. I don't like putting you in danger even if you'll be ok after it. I'm starting to think you get dumber and dumber with each clone."
"Prepostitory"
"I'm demoting Grimes. We need to get you two as far away from each other as possible and you're his senior after all. We can blame him for property damage on the acid."
Behind the closed door there was intense shouting. While mumbled some parts can be heard. "You destroyed a valuable wall and spilled priceless acid. Get your act together or else.
Homer was sharply turned in his seat to face Grimes.
Homer: Hi, Grimey old buddy.
Grimes: I'm not your buddy, Simpson! I don't like you. In fact, I hate you! Stay the hell away from me, because from now on, we're enemies!
Grimes turned sharply to leave.
Homer: Do I have to do anything?
Grimes almost lost it.
And that's how He became Homer's Enemy
Homer went to Moe's Tavern.
Homer: Oh, I can't believe it, I made an enemy….and I didn't even do anything this time. Me the most beloved man in Springfield.
Moe: Ah, it's a weird world, Homer. As hard as it is to believe some people don't care for me, neither.
Homer: No, I won't accept that.
Moe: No, it's true. I got their names written down right here on what I call my, uh, "enemies list."
Moe pulled out a piece of paper. Barney took it and read it.
Barney: Jane Fonda, Daniel Shore, Jack Anderson ... Hey! This is Richard Nixon's enemies list. You just crossed out his name and put yours and added a few names.
Moe: Okay, gimmie that, gimmie it back.
Moe took it and began to write on it.
Moe: Barney Gumble.
Barney: Oh.
Homer: Oh, what am I going to do?
Moe: Uh, why don't you invite him over. Turn him from an enemy to a friend. Then when he's not expecting it - bam! - the ol' fork in the eye.
Homer: Do you think it might work without the fork in the eye?
Moe: There's always a first time.
Homer: But I don't even live here anymore.
Moe: Oh don't worry about that. We Stonecutter's will set up you up with a place that looks like its your's.
And so it was. The Simpsons family prepared. The Stonecutters connections provided lobsters.
The doorbell rang. Homer answered the door. Grimes arrived on cue. His suit was rumpled and he looked like he had a dreary day at work.
Homer: Welcome to the Simpson residence or "casa de Simpson," as I call it.
Grimes: Yeah, what did you want to see me about, Simpson? This better be important.
Homer: It is, it is, but first, let me introduce you to my family, my perfect family. This is my wife Marge...
Marge: Hello.
Homer: ... my daughter Lisa, I. Q. 156 ...
Lisa Curtsied.
Lisa: Hi.
Homer: my son Bart.
Bart winked.
Homer: He owns a factory downtown.
Grimes: I know who he is. He's the "I didn't do it kid."
Homer: oh yea.
Homer resumed.
Homer: This is my other son Hugo.
Grimes noticed that he was identical to Bart except had clearly been beaten and abused with cuts all over his face. This made Grimes suspicious of Homer.
Homer: This is my daughter, Maggie,
Maggie prepared to say something but was cut off. Homer hadn't noticed this.
Homer: and this is my son Herb.
Herb said nothing.
Grimes: Uh, look Homer, I'm, I'm late for my night job at the foundry so if you don't mind telling m-
He looked around the house.
Grimes: Good Heavens! This is a palace! H-How can, how in the world can you afford to live in a house like this, Simpson?
Homer: I dunno. Don't as me how the economy works.
Grimes: Yeah, but look at the size of this place! I - I live in a single room above a bowling alley and below another bowling alley.
Homer: Wow.
Grimes noticed the pictures on the wall. Pictures that had been specifically selected to make Homer look good.
Grimes: I'm sorry, isn't that ...
Homer: Yes, that's me, and the guy standing next to me is President Gerald Ford.
Grimes: You're friends with President Ford?
Homer: yeah, I also played for Reagan on the Statue of Liberty, had a fist fight with Bush, and got President Clinton killed.
Grimes was flabbergasted at that. Homer pointed at another photo.
And this is when I was on tour with the Smashing Pumpkins. Oh! And here's a magazine photo of when I went to outer space.
It was the Time magazine Homer had appeared on. Grimes now fully recognized Homer.
Grimes: You? Went into outer space? You?
Homer: Sure. You've never been?
Grimes: NO!
Homer: Would you like to see my Grammy award?
Homer moved to find where the Stonecutters had placed it.
Grimes: No! I wouldn't!
Grimes began to break down.
Grimes: God, I've had to work hard every day of my life, and what do I have to show for it? This briefcase and this haircut! And what do you have to show for your lifetime of sloth and ignorance?
Homer: What?
Grimes: Everything! A dream house! Two cars! A beautiful wife! A son who owns a factory and is a celebrity!
Bart: And can read minds.
Grimes:A Genius Daughter!
Lisa: And Future President.
Hugo: I'm from an alternate universe.
Grimes: Fancy clothes and…
Grimes smelled the air.
Grimes: lobsters for dinner. And do you deserve any of it? No!
Homer: What are you saying?
Grimes: I'm saying you're what's wrong with America, Simpson. You coast through life, you do as little as possible, and you leech off of decent, hardworking people like me. Heh, if you lived in any other country in the world, you'd have starved to death long ago.
Bart: He's got you there, dad.
Grimes: You're a fraud. A total fraud.
He turned and slammed the door.
Grimes poked his head through the door one final time.
Grimes: It was nice meeting you.
He left again.
Marge found Homer had not left for work yet. He was waiting in the car.
Marge: Homer. Homer, why aren't you at work?
Homer: The car won't start. I don't feel very good today. I am at work.
Marge: You're afraid to go to work because Frank Grimes will be there, aren't you?
Homer: That's crazy talk. You're crazy Marge.
Homer honked the horn.
Marge entered the car.
Marge: You have to face him sometime, and when you do I'm sure he'll be just as anxious to make up as you are.
Homer: No he won't, he hates me.
Marge: He doesn't hate you. He just feels insecure because you're getting through life so easily, and it's been so difficult for him.
Homer: Yeah, yeah, that's his problem, he's a nut! It's not about me being lazy, it's about him being crazy.
Marge: Well ... maybe. But I bet he would be less crazy if you were just a little more, mmm, professional in your work. Just a little more. Then he won't have any reason to resent you.
Homer: I'll do it!
Homer pulled out a bottle.
"To professionalism!"
_
Dad's new professionalism began with eating donuts with a fork and knife. He also hanged motivational posters. One of which said " Employee." Grimes was less than impressed.
Grimes: Can you believe that guy? He's in his office making a pathetic attempt to look professional.
Carl: Hey, what do you got against Homer, anyway?
Grimes: Are you kidding? Does this whole plant have some disease where you can't see that he's an idiot? Look here.
Grimes walked to a chart on the bulletin board.
Grimes: Accidents doubled every year since he became safety inspector, and meltdowns have tripled. Was he fired? No. Was he disciplined? No, no.
Lenny: Eh, everybody makes mistakes. That's why they put erasers on pencils.
Carl: Yeah, Homer's okay. Give him a break.
Grimes: No! Homer is not okay. And I want everyone in this plant to realize it. I would die a happy man if I could prove to you that Homer Simpson has the intelligence of a six-year-old.
Grimes left. Lenny turned to Carl
Lenny: So, how are you doing?
Outside of the break room, Grimes noticed on the bulletin board, a flyer for children's model-building contest, with the prize going to the child who made the best model of a futuristic power plant. Grimes hatched a plan and took the flyer. He began to edit it to remove all mention that it was for kids. Then he placed it on Homer's desk when he wasn't there. Homer did indeed find it. He took the bait. Homer went to Lenny.
"Hey Lenny, I found this flyer at my desk."
"Homer. That's for kids."
Homer looked at it again.
"It is?"
"Yeah. Don't you see. It says so on the.."
Lenny took it and looked at it. His face contorting into one of confusion.
"Huh? I don't see it. Homer. I think this was edited."
"Edited? By who?"
Lenny seemed to think about it before realization sinks in.
"Homer can you close the door please?"
"Sure."
Homer did indeed close the door to the office. Before he turned back to Lenny.
"Homer I think Grimes is punkin' you."
"What makes you say that?"
"He hates you. And we know someone's tryin' ta kill ya."
"But setting me up with some kid's contest."
Lenny seemed to think about it.
"Well you'd be the only adult…maybe."
Lenny realized something and snapped his fingers.
"That's it. Someone might try to assassinate you. It might not even be Grimes. You'd be the one adult. Which would make you an easy target."
"So what do we do?"
"Play along. If we know they'll be an assassin there we can catch them in the act."
Frank Grimes approached the wall and listened in. The door opened and Homer stepped out.
"Alright Homer. If you're sure about this. Good luck. Grimes began to laugh in delight. Then Homer drove back and hit his car on the way out.
If Frank Grimes knew more about Homer, he wouldn't think of him as lazy. The construction of the fake Power pLant was filled with the sounds of sawing, hammering, and swearing.
Lisa: Can I go downstairs and see what Dad's doing?
Marge: I wouldn't bother him, honey. He's making some sort of model for a contest. He says it's really high-tech stuff that we wouldn't understand.
Homer: Marge, do we have any elbow macaroni and glue-on sparkles?
Bart looked at the factory then through the keys to Milhouse.
"Alright. It's your turn."
And he tossed Milhouse the key. Milhouse shrugged.
'Still doing better than my dad."
The next day Bart approached a sight of nothing but rubble. He ran to see Milhouse standing there in uniform.
Bart: Milhouse, what the Hell happened. You were supposed to be the night watchman.
Milhouse: I was watching. I saw the whole thing. First it started falling over, then it fell over.
It was now time for the Model Contest presided by Lenny.
Lenny: "The first contestant was Ralph Wiggum. The result was a Malibu Stacy Dream House labelled as a Power Plant. Lenny looked at the hot tub and media room. Looks good. I've been trying to get a hot tub for ages but not really like the color. Sorry Ralph."
It was the most polite way Lenny could think to reject the kid.
Martin was next.
Martin: Behold, the power plant of the future, today!
Lenny observed it thoughtfully.
Lenny: "It's good but its a little too cold and sterile for my taste.
Martin: "But it really generates power. It, it's lighting this room right now. "
Martin turned a knob, the lights dimmed. Lenny put his hands on his hips.
Lenny: "Martin, did you hook up the lights to run with your knobs?"
Martin: "uh."
Lenny: "Kid. You just tampered with billion dollar equipment and possibly committed corporate sabotage. I hate to say it but you're not winning the contest and I'll have to see if what you did was even legal."
After that it was Homer's turn
Lenny: Could you explain your model, Homer
Grimes shouted from the audience.
Grimes: "What's to explain? He's an idiot!"
Lenny shouted at him.
Lenny: "Pipe down!"
Homer: "Well basically, I just copied the plant we have now."
Lenny nodded thoughtfully.
Homer: "Then, I added some wind turbines with fins to lower wind resistance and to call the plant to prevent it from overheating.
Lenny: Well I think you just won this contest, but we'll have to see what the judges say.
Grimes stood up from his seat.
Grimes: "What!?"
Carl stood up as well.
Carl: " Way to go, Homer!"
Lenny joined in.
Lenny: "You're number one, Homer!"
Grimes couldn't believe it.
Grimes: "But it, it was contest for children!"
Lenny: "Yeah...and Homer beat it."
The audience cheered. Grimes looked at them, the audience seemed to be laughing at him now.
Grimes: "Oh, I, I can't stand it any longer. This whole plant is insane. Insane, I tell you!
Grimes snapped, grabbing his head and and let out a scream. He had finally broken.
"Daahh! Aaah!"
Grimes ran out of the auditorium and into the equipment room.
" I can be lazy too!"
Grimes took his tie off and mooned the technicians.
"Look at me, I am a worthless employee, just like Homer Simpson! Give me a promotion!"
Grimes ran into the break room and started rapidly eating donuts as slovenly as possible
"Ooh, I eat like a slob, but nobody minds! "
He then headed to the bathroom and unzipped urinating freely.
" I pee Freely! I'm peeing on the seat. Give me a raise!"
He then ran out.
"Now I'm returning to work without washing my hands. But it doesn't matter, because I'm Homer Simpson!"
Grimes ran to Homer's work station and began to spin around in his chair.
"I don't need to do my work, 'cause someone else will do it for me. D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! "
Grimes kept slapping his forehead with every D'oh.
Homer now looked at him nervously.
Homer: "Frank…Are you okay?"
Grimes with a manic look grabbed Homer's shoulders.
Grimes: " I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson!"
Homer: No I'm Homer Simpson!"
Grimes: "I'm the worst worker in the world. Time to go home to my mansion and eat my lobster."
Grime moved to electrical wires. Homer began to choke on his words.
Homer: Frank…There's something I have to tell you...
Grimes went over the wires. Holding his hands out.
"What's this? "Extremely High Voltage." Well, I don't need safety gloves, BECAUSE I'M HOMER SIMP...
The Blaring of an Ambulance Siren filled the air.
_
"Frank Grimes was pronounced dead this evening at…"
A News report went out. The Very program that once praised Frank Grimes was delivering his eulogy.
In the Simpsons home. Homer sat, completely destroyed with bloodshot red eyes. A luck of pure sadness and depression. This was all his fault and the guilt was eating him alive.
"Grimes, or Grimey as he liked to be called, taught us that a man can triumph over adversity. And even though Frank's agonizing struggle through life was tragically cut short, I'm sure he's looking down on this right now …"
"Marge."
The very weak noise caused her to turn to look at Homer in the dark. The only light on his face coming from the TV.
"Change the Channel."
He said in the saddest most pitiful tone she had ever heard.
_
Frank Grimes woke up in an unfamiliar place. It was dark. His face was bandaged but was in immense pain from the burns, stinging in contact with the air. There was someone he could barely see with his one uncovered eye.
"Oh good you're awake. Allow me to introduce myself."
The man entered the light.
"I'm Hank Scorpio. , and I have need of you. You're probably wondering how you got here. Well you see. I had a little spy sent in to kill Homer Simpson. I'm sure you've heard of him. Well you got in the way of that. One chance and you blew I!."
He seemed to calm down immediately.
"But you know, what? I'm not mad really I'm not. You didn't know. Slight oversight. Besides I'm sure that now you'd probably have helped me kill Homer. Speaking of thatI think it's fair you meet the would be assassin."
Hank gestured to a figure that then emerged from the shadows to be revealed as none other than Carl…Carlson.
"Surprise motherfucker."
Grimes wasn't particularly shocked by this. Scorpio turned back to him.
" you will remain alive so long as you are useful. Now what I need from you is simple. Well I mean not literally. You see Homer's sabotaged my plan to threaten the world with a big cannon. You know the one that blew up France? "
The one eye of Grimes widened.
"Sure you do. Well you worked with him. You have to know something about what he knows. After all you were supposed to take his job. If you don't help me. I'll kill ya, but if you do! Oh boy if you do! Well…Grimey….Let's just say you and I have some really big plans, starting with blowing up Springfield."
Scorpio began to laugh manically.
Grimes closed his one exposed eye as a single tear fell from it.