Hi, I'm Troy McClure. You may remember me from such TV spin-offs as Son of Sanford and Son and After Mannix. I'm here at the Museum of TV and Television... with a real treat for Simpsons fans, if any... because tonight we present The Simpsons Spin-Off Showcase.

The Theme plays, accompanied by applause.

Now The Simpsons started off as the reality show "My Funny Family" before becoming the Simpsons once the show's subject matter started to get…More Serious. Recent real life events have also gotten in the way of the show, like being held hostage by a supervillain. The point being the show was good but wasn't quite last and had to be cancelled.

Not long ago, the Fox network approached the producers of The Simpsons... with a simple request- 35 new shows to fill a few holes in their programming lineup. That's a pretty daunting task. And the producers weren't up to it. Instead, they churned out three Simpsons spin-offs... transplanting already popular characters into new locales and situations.

-Introduction to the Simpson Spinoff Showcase.

"The First Show starred Seymour Skinner. It was a story based on when he and Wiggum were staying in Louisiana. The main villain was Big Daddy and Wiggum was going to face-off against him every episode. Ralph also appeared as himself on the show. It wasn't greenlit which is a shame because I think it came from the heart. Skinner and Wiggum were good friends, heck Wiggum was even friends with Homer even if he got kicked out of the B Sharps. If it wasn't for Wiggum, Homer's mom would have been captured. His death was a tragedy."

"The Second show was by Moe Szylak and was about the spirit of Moe's dead father possessing the Love Tester machine in his bar and helping him find love. The hardest part was finding an actress willing to kiss Moe."

"The Final show was the Simpsons variety hour, which sure enough was a variety show. Lisa was the only member of the family that wouldn't participate. She was already on her way to school out of State. They replaced her with some attractive teenage bombshell. I forget her name." The show was a bunch of sketches with the family animated as Beavers with Tim Conway as a skunk. Jasper Beardley and Waylon Smithers even sang songs on it."

-Troy McClure, 1998 interview.

"The Simpsons show jumped the Shark long ago. They've had Homer turn Lisa into a frog. Bart having two long lost identical twin brothers, one being African American another being a cowboy. Selma marrying Bumblebee Man, and Itchy,Homer having an alien only he could see named Ozmodiar, Marg being a robot. Heck Homer even jumped a shark. The Show's probably going to outlive the actual Simpsons."

-Comment on Poorly Aged Things.

"Yeah I got into trouble. I hooked up a bunch of megaphones together and just said the word "Testing". It didn't quite work the way I hoped. The Sounds was just really distorted. Still I got in trouble for it. I was 15 now. Somehow the idea of Military School or at least ROTC came up. Honestly I wanted to join the army and fight against the Rigellians and this seemed like a way to do that, but none of expected what happened when we visited Rommelwood. Rommelwood was founded by Erwin Rommel after his defection from the Nazis during World War II and was one of the most prestigious military schools in the country. They recently announced a women's program there and guess who was one of the first people to sign up."

-Do the Bart Man: The Unauthorized Biography of Bart Simpson.

"Mom I don't need to bring any of that stuff to Military School."

"Sure you do sweetie."

The Bus arrived in front of the House.

Homer walked over. Bart sat on the stairs. He was to move in at a later date. Marg leaned in to Homer.

"Homer, this may be your last chance to bond with Bart. Don't blow it."

He looked at the two of them as they left, realizing that she was right. Bart would be leaving soon. Homer went over to him on the couch. They talked for a bit before Homer stood up.

"Well, I'm thinking of visiting Springfield for a few days since my work there is wrapping up and I'll finally say goodbye. Wanna come?"

It was weird for Bart to attend a party at essentially what was left of his old home in Evergreen Terrace, but it seemed a fitting place for the goodbye celebrations to be held. The Music was techno and everyone had a red cup. Bart went with Terri to somewhere more private. Nelson was talking about how he'd moved up in management at his job and now made thee schedules.

"Nice so you're out of minimum wage?"

Nelson waves his hands nervously.

"I didn't say that."

Bart passed Milhouse. He'd gained a lot of muscle.

"I learned the biggest crime of all is a life without faith."

Milhouse lifted his shirt to show a giant cross tattoo.

Bart was making out with Terri. Or so he thought.

"You're just like Terri said you were."

Bart's eyes widened and he stopped the kiss.

"Wait you're not Terri?"

"No I'm Sherri, but if you keep going you'll know the difference."

Bart immediately and nervously opened the door and stepped out. He'd started dating Terri not Sherri and to him there was a difference. Getting to know Terri and love her, he now saw them as very different people. This was a betrayal of his trust. He'd have been more horrified if it had gone further but he pushed those thoughts out. Bart thought with the look she gave him and leading him to the closet that is was assumed who she was. He was also afraid of getting between the twins, especially if this cost him is relationship with Terri, however long distance it was. So he stepped out. As he walked. He smelled something.

"Weed".

It was coming from his old childhood bedroom. He realized if that was found he could be in trouble.

Bart knocked on the door.

"Hey Idiot, the Bong stays in the Treehouse."

Bart speed the door. Inside was Homer holding the bong and smoking.

"Hey boy."

"Are you crazy? What if the Cops come?"

"They won't. Wiggum's dead remember.. Otherwise he'd be sitting right there."

Homer pointed to an empty chair.

"Right there."

"C'mon we gotta get rid of that weed."

As Bart did his best to hide it. Homer began to talk.

"Bart, when you were born I was terrified. Because It meant I wasn't a kid anymore. I had responsibilities. Truth is I'm just like you. A misunderstood guy who wants his family to love him. "

Bart actually thought this was heartfelt.

"Maybe. We could start with a hug."

Bart smiled and accepted the hug.

"I'm so glad we're sharing this. And I don't care if I have one kid who doesn't go anywhere or do anything. I…"

Bart shoved Homer off of him. The two just stared before Bart took off, running through the front door. He rode his bike through the night, jumping over a bench for Gunderson Realty which Ironically had a homeless Gunderson himself sleeping on it. Bart wiped away a tear from him eyes before they suddenly widened at a thought.

"Grampa! Gotta talk to Grampa!"

He arrived at the Springfield Retirement Castle and went behind. He jumped ahead and over to the Cemetery to a grave.

ABRAHAM JEBEDIAH SIMPSON II
Beloved father and Soldier
May 25 1910-May 11, 1997
On the bottom, partly hidden by the grass was an inscription.

"The Last of the Flying Hellfish is in Heaven now"

Bart kneeled down at the grave.

"Grampa. I sure miss you man."

Homer came running to the sight. He walked over and kneeled beside him.

"I miss him too boy."

Bart was crying now. Homer put a hand over Bart's shoulder and allowed Bart to cry on him.
_

ABE SIMPSON was an interesting man, who told many stories ranging from wildly inaccurate to physically or historically impossible as well as inconsistent. Simpson was a member of the Stonecutters, the Masons, the Communists and the Gay & Lesbian Alliance.

Abraham Simpson II was born on May 25, 1910 in the United Kingdom to Orville Simpson and Yuma Hickman. Abe with his parents moved to the United States, living for a time in the Statue of Liberty due to the head being for rent at the time.

Abe's first profession was an athlete and he was good enough to compete in the 1936 Olympics in the Javelin event, narrowly killed Hitler with a Javelin only to kill one of his attempted assassins. According to him the two laughed about it. Several of the debatable Abe Simpson claims are acting as a watchman during Pearl Harbor and being spanked by Grover Cleveland on two non consecutive occasions(Which is impossible given his known birth and Cleveland's Death. It's possible Abe either from being a child or his later senility, confused William Howard Taft for Grover Cleveland).

Abe went onto fight in World War II. He initially refused and even attempted to dodge the draft by dressing in drag until he was discovered playing for a woman's baseball team in 1942(an event fictionalized in the film A League of Their Own). He reluctantly joined into service and assumed the position of commander of the Flying Hellfish, fighting in the battle of the Bulge and (ironically) attempting to assassinate Hitler. The Flying Hellfish would form a Secret Tontine near the end of the War that would remain a secret for many years. Abe also spent some time after the war in Ireland and according to several accounts served in the Navy alongside his brother Cyrus and Charles Montgomery Burns, being shot down on Christmas Eve. Abe himself claims to have shot down Santa Claus. When a ship he was on was sunk, Abe was able to ride a Shark to safety and trained other sailors to do the same. However, he also faced heat by falsely assault John F. Kennedy for being a Nazi Spy. Abe also served as a Marine, therefore serving in every branch of the Military as well as the United States Coast Guard.

After World War II in 1947, Abe met Itchy creator Chester Lampwick and made a deal to give him corn muffins in exchange for Lampwick painting his Chicken Coop. Abe began a career as professional wrestler Glorious Godfrey. A role he maintained throughout the 1950's. Abe's first known relationship was with a woman named Edwina, with the two being married before Abe was shipped out, never returning. He also had a son with a prostitute named Gaby, resulting in the birth of Herb Powell. Soon after he met and married Mona. The two would have a son named Homer. The family lived on the Simpson Farm until the bank foreclosed the farm in 1963. Abe attended Woodstock, though he hated it. Mona became a wanted criminal for an alleged role in biological warfare and so left Abe and Homer. It fell upon Abe to raise Homer on his own. Abe found himself inheriting wealth and became a legend for murdering Adolf Hitler, which in turn brought attention to the other insane moments of his life.

Allegedly, Abe Simpson passed away peacefully while listening to music and watching a Ken Burns Documentary on the Vietnam went out the way he would've wanted. Listening to the Glenn Miller Orchestra and watching footage of Cops beating up Hippies..

-Springfield Obituary

Homer sat on the hood of his car, holding a letter. Staring at it for a Night Sky was beautiful and a comet passed overhead. Finally he tore it. It was a letter from his father.

"Homer,

I gave you all I had and it was never enough. It was always more than you deserved. Now I'm gonna be honest with you. I can feel my mind slipping. I remember things I swear didn't happen before and I go on these tangents. The Tooth Fairy cost a nickel and in those days Nickels had pictures of Bumblebees on em'. Gimme five bees for a quarter you'd say…where was I?….anyway. it's serious and I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the day where I don't recognize my own family. So please, forgive me for what I may do, when I don't remember you. I hope that when the end comes you don't suffer because of me…Ah who am I kidding. You're gonna be fine. I used to put you down because I thought you had your hopes up too high. Like when you wanted to be President and I told you a Simpson would never be President. Well now I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not sure about anything anymore, but I know when I'm wrong. When you told me you have a crush on Marge I thought you were setting your standards too high, and you almost gave me a heart attack when you actually did it. You two really do love each other and looking at you I know it must be platonic. Point is you have a family now, and you better keep them. You've got a beautiful wife, wonderful kids and. You deserve it all, but no matter what. You'll always be a part of me…Doh! Who am I kidding? You're way better than I ever was. No matter where you are, or where I am.

Just remember you have a Father who loves you..."