I had seen her leave, felt the ripple that went through the servants and yes, through Mary. A mixture of sadness, worry, and blind rage at me. Murtagh had tried to stop her yet she did look overheated. Poor dear. My beloved, you left me and now to fill that void I would take a new wife. She would not be you in any way, she would be different- unique. But I did not truly love her. Vanessa was special for the deity within her, but Evalina was a deity and my Mirena made whole, a new creature. My Beloved. I knew the mistake I had made the second I brought Vanessa to the balcony, I saw Evalina's face and knew I had fucked up. I knew that I should not have flirted with her, should not have danced with her, but I had to make Evalina feel the pain she had caused me when she wed Henry Jekyll. Yet the pain in my Beloved's face had ripped me apart, the cold mask she wore would easily hide her from those who do not know her well but I, I knew her well enough to recognize the agony gleaming in those bright silver eyes, the darkness within their depths and the chaos which brewed just beneath. She had easily crossed the floor and asked to go home. Utterson, a man I knew she feared, was the one who gallantly guided her away. Mary was furious, Murtagh was a mix of confusion and boiling rage. He too, had known her well enough. He knew I cared for her deeply and to him I was throwing her away for a little distraction- distraction, that is what he had called Fleur when I had found her in Versailles as the mistress of the king. She was no distraction as he soon found out. Vanessa, may very well be. A sweet distraction from the pain I feel within, a pain I do not wish to recognize. The failure of my own capabilities and my hesitation of taking her against her will. I ignored the fury and continued to seduce Vanessa slowly. I would get my way eventually with her, even if it took forever. Vanessa seemed not to care that she had hurt a woman she claimed as her friend, nor did she mind that her friend was gone- or that the party had long ended. I handed her into my carriage when I figured she had enough and went toward my club.