Jack's words from earlier radiated Ross's insides as the echos became a loop inside his mind.
"When you find the person that gives you that spark in your life, you have all that you need.
….you have all you need.
There is nothing better than finding your soulmate.
...your soulmate.
Emily completes you.
Emily completes you.
Emily…"
He started to sweat. He began to imagine their life together ten years from now. In his mind, Ross envisioned a house in the suburbs.
It was Saturday morning and their two children, one boy and one girl, clamored down the hall and jumped into their bed. He hugged one and kissed the other on the forehead and then tickled them as they shrieked with laughter. He felt a set of eyes on him and he rolled over. He gently reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Morning, beautiful." Ross said with a sleepy grin. "mmm, good morning, sweetie!" He gave his wife a kiss and wrapped her in his arms as their children cuddled up next to them. He had everything he ever needed right there beside him.
"Wait.." he said questioningly and drawn out.
"It's, it's Rachel…" he stammered. Rachel was the woman he saw in his bed. She was his wife. She was the mother of his children. Ross shook his head as if to dismiss his thoughts. What kind of idiot can't think of the right woman on his wedding day? I mean, come on!, he thought to himself. He was about to walk down the aisle! What was wrong with him?
"E-M-I-L-Y…" he said out loud, being sure to emphasize every syllable of his fiancee's name. He closed his eyes and tried to recreate his dream, only this time, he made sure that when he would be looking at Emily...
He felt a set of eyes on him and he rolled over. He gently reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "Morning, beautiful." Ross said with a sleepy grin. "mmm, good morning, sweetie!"
It's still Rachel. Oh My God, he thought.
Ross's heart was pounding out of his chest. He slowly sank down into the couch behind him as he stared across the room, not really able to focus on any of his surroundings.
Did he still love her? Of course he did. That wasn't even a question. The thought of not loving Rachel felt physically impossible. He had loved her since he was 15. His father's 'soulmate' comment entered his mind again. Even for someone as hopelessly romantic as himself, he never liked the superficialness of that word. But he couldn't help but relate to the connotation that something completely out of his control had always drawn him to her. Sure, they had their problems. The pain he had felt in his past was agonizing. But suddenly he realized...he couldn't let the fear of losing her make him push those feelings aside anymore. He didn't want to get over her. He wanted to fight for her.
"I have to see her", he said to himself. "I have to tell her that I love her."
Suddenly, he heard a knock on the door and Chandler's voice on the other side. A pit deepened in his stomach and his breath became shallow. He swallowed hard. Instinct kicked in and he threw himself across the room and into the bathroom where he shut the door behind him. He wasn't ready to face his friends yet. While he trusted them with anything, he needed a few minutes to process what he was about to do. He looked around the bathroom and noticed a window beside him.
Ross hit the ground with a painful thud. Had he really just climbed out the bathroom window at his own wedding?
He collected his bearings and wiped the dirt and leaves from his clothes as he stood up. He found himself on the backside of the church, out of sight from the street. He had to find Rachel. Where was she? Was she even still in London? Hell, she could be on a plane back to New York already. It didn't matter, he would find her somehow. Knowing that he couldn't risk being seen, especially by any of Emily's crazy family members, he snuck around the back side of the church and hurriedly walked towards the sidewalk.