Chapter 11: Insomnia

[Two months later]

The next two months were incredibly happy ones for the couple. They saw each other most weekends, mostly in Osaka but a couple of times in Tokyo when the Black Jackals were playing the Adlers. Often Akaashi was able to travel when the team had weekend games in other cities, and they sometimes even managed mid-week meetups, depending on schedules. They were still madly in love to the point of still being annoying to their friends, but they didn't care. They were too wound up in each other to worry about other people.

It was a Monday morning. Akaashi had just returned to Tokyo from Osaka the previous night and had talked to Bokuto via facetime until eleven o'clock. It was around 6:00 AM when Akaashi's alarm went off and he reached to grab his phone and noticed he had multiple text messages from Bokuto. Curious as to why his boyfriend was up so early already, he opened the text thread and was surprised to see eight messages from Bokuto since 3:00 AM.

3:14 AM: i woke up and can't go back to sleep are you awake?

3:47 AM: since i can't sleep i'm thinking about you i miss you already :(

4:26 AM: i wish you were here 3

4:45 AM: i watched some owl videos on youtube but i still can't sleep

5:10 AM: i told you i could come to tokyo friday right? im excited

5:20 AM: still cant sleep and now im mad

5:33 AM: im going to just get up got practice in a few hours anyway

5:48 AM: im going for a run. will text you when im done

Akaashi frowned at his phone. That was strange. Bokuto had never texted him in the middle of the night before. He felt bad that his boyfriend couldn't sleep and hoped it was just a one time thing, as Bo had to stay in prime physical health for his career. Akaashi had already showered when Bokuto texted again saying he was back from his run. Akaashi called him to see if he was okay.

"Hey, babe. You okay? I saw you couldn't sleep."

"I'm okay. Maybe drank too much caffeine yesterday."

"What do you have today besides morning practice?"

"Nothing. I'll take a nap this afternoon."

"Okay, sounds good. I'll talk to you after work, okay?"

"Mmmm, kay. Love you, bye."

Akaashi hung up and mildly frowned some more. He often worried about his boyfriend during the early part of each week. Over the last couple of months, Akaashi himself had felt he'd adjusted to the long-distance relationship. It wasn't that he was satisfied being away from his lover during the work week, but he had accepted the situation and made do with texts, facetime, and phone sex.

Bokuto on the other hand, had not seemed to really adapt to their separations. He always seemed down on Mondays and Tuesdays. Hinata would let Akaashi know how his boyfriend was faring early each week, and it usually wasn't great. He still did what he had to do, but just wasn't as bubbly as usual. Luckily by Wednesdays and Thursdays, Bokuto seemed to perk up again, knowing he would be seeing Akaashi soon.

So Akaashi was really thankful when that afternoon, Hinata texted him and said Bokuto seemed in good spirits this morning, way more than usual for a Monday. Maybe this was a sign that Bokuto was starting to adjust to their separations. The thought made him feel relieved. He hated the thought of his lover being sad for a couple days a week.

As was their habit, Bokuto texted him multiple times during the day while Akaashi was at work. Unfortunately, Bokuto did not get a nap, or at least couldn't sleep when he tried, so he bombarded his boyfriend with texts about practice, what he ate for lunch, another fascinating owl video he had seen, some things he had bought online, video game status updates, and all the usual "I love you" and "I miss you" messages. Later that afternoon, because Atsumu had invited him to go to Onigiri Miya, Bokuto texted to ask his boyfriend which shirt he should wear. Throughout the day, Akaashi smiled at all the messages as he looked forward to talking to Kotaro on facetime.

That night, their facetime chat was fairly normal. Bokuto did most of the talking, repeating and providing more details on much of what he had texted earlier that day, as well as describing how good the onigiri was and a funny story about Atsumu's reaction to a woman hitting on Osamu. It was a couple of hours before they hung up for the night, and Akaashi was feeling relieved that Bokuto seemed upbeat for a Monday. He went to sleep easily and rested peacefully.

At 6:00 AM Tuesday morning, Akaashi again woke to an alarm and grabbed his phone to turn it off. He frowned a little, still half asleep. There were 27 messages from Bokuto. 27! Akaashi scrolled through them and was surprised to see that they were from all hours of the night. It did not appear as though Bokuto had slept at all. He frowned some more and sent a message asking how his boyfriend was. Within a few minutes, his phone rang and he picked up to hear Bokuto's scratchy early morning voice.

"Morning, babe."

"Good morning. Couldn't sleep again?"

"Nah. It's fine." Akaashi did not agree that it was fine, but chose not to say anything at that moment. They segued into their usual morning talk, discussing plans for the day. Bokuto was especially excited about the match that night. They made plans to talk that night after the match, since Akaashi would still be at work when Bokuto had to report for pre-game warmups. Akaashi promised to watch the match on TV, which made Bokuto grovel with thanks at how good Akaashi was to him, and in turn, made Akaashi think Bokuto was impossibly adorable.

The rest of Akaashi's day was pretty normal, with a barrage of texts from his lover, most of which made him smile, some of which made him laugh, and a few which confused the hell out of him. You know, just a typical day with Kotaro. He had a long afternoon of boring meetings and was more than grateful to arrive home, shuck off his shoes, and plop on the sofa to eat some takeout and watch the match.

He was eating and half paying attention to the introductions when he saw, much to his shock, Bokuto do flips and cartwheels onto the court as his name was announced. Akaashi's hand stopped halfway to his mouth, chopsticks and food alike suspended in mid-air, as he took in the scene. He had never seen Bokuto do that before. It was both unexpected and, frankly, impressive. The crowd of course went absolutely wild and Akaashi smiled as he resumed eating. His boyfriend was a star.

Bokuto seemed especially pumped up tonight and interacted with the spectators even more than usual, encouraging them to clap and stomp and cheer at several points during the match. He played very well, in Akaashi's opinion, and seemed to have a lot more stamina even at the end of the game. The match was very close and very exciting, but unfortunately, the Black Jackals ended up losing two games to one. Akaashi texted his boyfriend:

A: Sorry that you lost. It was a good game. You played well. Call me when you're home.

Akaashi expected Bokuto to be disappointed and down that night, but when they facetimed, Bokuto was as effervescent as ever.

"Kaashi, did you see my backflips? The arena went wild. That was so fun! And then when I got them cheering really loud, it gave me such a rush! I could not believe that feeling. It was like I was floating on the crowd's applause! Man, that was an amazing experience." Akaashi smiled and thought it was true that he himself would never know what it felt like to have the whole world watching you and raising you up. What euphoria that would produce. That must be the reason that Bokuto was so pumped up even after losing, he reasoned.

Bokuto continued on for a long time, while Akaashi just listened, occasionally providing responses while a small sense of unease niggled at the back of his mind. He could not put a finger on it, could not describe where it came from, but something definitely felt … off.

They said goodnight a while later and Akaashi took a long time to fall asleep. Nothing specific, just that mild apprehension that he could not explain or even understand. He finally fell asleep with a furrowed brow, his boyfriend on his mind.

When he woke Wednesday morning, he again was bombarded with over 30 texts from Bokuto, again, at all hours of the night. He scowled again, more out of concern than annoyance. He scrolled through the normal types of messages about missing him, came across several videos Bokuto saw during the night and apparently wanted Akaashi to watch too, and some others but one really caught his eye.

B: do you think we should get married? i was looking at wedding rings online

Akaashi stopped breathing momentarily. They had never talked about this before, so this was weird, right? In an offhand text in the middle of the night? He slowly released his breath trying to not read too much into it. Bokuto was probably delirious with sleep deprivation at this point and who knows if he realized what he was even saying.

Which was another problem in itself. This was now two or three nights Kotaro had not slept. Akaashi was really concerned now, wondering what was causing this sudden insomnia. Sometimes medications did that. He knew Bokuto took some medication daily but his lover had never explained what it was or what it was for and Akaashi never pried. He figured he'd find out when Kotaro wanted to tell him. But maybe it was time to ask? Or was there something else causing this change in behavior? What could it be?

Akaashi broached the subject when he called Bokuto that morning before work.

"Ko, I'm really worried about you not sleeping. What's going on? Is there something causing it? (pause) Like medication or something?"

Bokuto dismissed his concerns with a nonchalant reply and a quick change of topic. Akaashi grimaced into the phone, almost wishing his boyfriend could see his face. This was one time he wished they were waking up in the same apartment. He really wanted to talk to him about this face to face, but he figured he would need to wait until Friday. It was only two days. It's not like anything that bad could happen in two days, right?

At the same time that morning, Hinata and Kageyama were also discussing Bokuto as they prepared breakfast.

"Tobio, I'm really worried about Bokuto. I … I don't think he's told Akaashi. I brought it up last night but he blew me off. I'm not sure what I should do."

"I guess try to talk to him again. Tell him your concerns and encourage him to have that conversation with Akaashi."

"But what if he doesn't listen? Should we tell Akaashi? He has a right to know. He NEEDS to know." Hinata was clearly distressed so his husband came to engulf him in a tight embrace.

"Bokuto needs to be the one to tell him. Why don't we have him over for dinner tonight and maybe between the two of us we can convince him it's time to tell Akaashi." Hinata nodded, still pressed against Kageyama's chest.

"Okay, that's what we'll do," Hinata agreed. But he still felt a sense of dread. He knew things were about to get very unpleasant, and there was nothing he could do to stop it.