Chapter 15: Crash

Bokuto was still agitated and angry when he boarded the train back to Osaka. He oscillated between being infuriated that Akaashi would treat him that way - so unappreciative and ASHAMED of him - and being irritated with himself for being so stupid to think someone like that could love him. His rage persisted through the first part of the train ride, but after a while, the quiet humming of the train and the monotony of looking out the window started to lull him. He hadn't slept in days and it occurred to him that he should be tired. Maybe he could just rest his eyes a little bit.

When he opened them again, he was disoriented and at first didn't recognize where he was. It took several seconds to register that he was on the train and they were coming up on his stop soon. He ran a hand over his face to try to wake himself up and help him focus. It was almost 11:00 PM. He picked up his phone and saw that he had missed a few calls from Hinata. A cloud fell over him as he remembered the events earlier in the evening, but they seemed a bit distant now, like he had watched them happen to someone else. He did not return the calls.

When the train pulled into the Osaka station, he exited and in a foggy daze, made his way to the local train that would take him to his apartment. He was numb and his brain thought of nothing except putting one foot in front of the other. His muscles moved to carry him where he needed to be, but nothing more. He was dead tired.

He arrived at home shortly after, removed his shoes, and brought his suitcase into his bedroom. He quickly stripped into just his boxer shorts and fell into bed, drained and almost delirious. And finally, after five long days, he slept.

Saturday morning, Kageyama had taken the earliest possible train to Tokyo, while Hinata stayed behind to take care of Bokuto. Hinata was terrified for his friend. He had called him several times last night, but Bokuto hadn't answered. Hinata tried again that morning after Kageyama was gone. He racked up three more unanswered calls, until finally at almost noon, Bokuto answered his phone, in a voice that sounded like sandpaper.

"Yeah?"

"Oh, my God, Bokuto-san! Are you okay? Akaashi told Kageyama what happened and I was really worried about you." A silence followed that statement, almost as if Bokuto was trying to understand what Hinata was saying. He was still disconcerted from having just woken up, and also realized his brain was still fuzzy. He had some vague inkling of what Hinata was talking about, but he couldn't put his finger on it, so he just answered what he thought Hinata wanted to hear.

"I'm fine."

"What do you mean? You're not fine! Where are you? What happened?" Bokuto looked around and managed to identify his bedroom through his brain fog.

"I'm home. I'm fine."

"What happened with Akaashi?"

"Akaashi?" Bokuto asked. Still his brain struggled to process thoughts and words.

"Yes, Akaashi! You guys fought, he's really, really upset. You have to talk to him." Bokuto crinkled his forehead and frowned into the phone. Again, some vague and indistinct images of Akaashi floated around his mind but he couldn't quite focus on any of them enough.

"My head hurts," he said to Hinata instead. Hinata paused, before saying more kindly than he had been speaking, "I bet it does. Want me to come over?"

"No," murmured Bokuto. "Have to sleep." Hinata did not argue, figuring that Bokuto hadn't slept for days and that he was not going to be coherent until his body and mind were sufficiently rested.

"Go to sleep then. I'll check back with you in a few hours."

"Mmmm," mumbled Bokuto, disconnecting the call. Then he slept again.

Around dinner-time, Hinata headed to Bokuto's apartment with some takeout food for his friend. He had called a couple of times that afternoon but Bokuto had not answered his calls, making Hinata worry.

When he got to Bo's apartment, he had to call three times before Bokuto picked up.

"Bokuto-san, I'm at your apartment. Let me in."

"Huh?" asked Bokuto, still half asleep.

"I'm at your door. Please let me in. I have food."

"Not hungry."

"Well I still need you to let me in." A short silence followed before Hinata heard rustling over the phone. He sighed with relief, realizing that Bokuto was getting up to let him in. A moment later, the deadbolt was flipped and the door opened. Hinata took in the sight of his friend and his heart lurched.

"You don't look good, Bo." Bokuto just mumbled something incoherent in response and stepped back to let his friend enter. Hinata took the food to the kitchen table and began taking out some items.

"I brought some of your favorites. What would you like?" Bokuto ambled over to his sofa and plopped down on one end.

"Not hungry."

"You gotta eat something. Here, at least have some soup."

"Whatever." Hinata brought the soup to his friend and sat down on a chair next to the sofa. He silently watched Bokuto eat a little soup, but he didn't eat much before putting the bowl down and reclining on the sofa with his eyes closed.

Hinata said, "You should eat some more, Bokuto-san." Bokuto did not open his eyes and did not answer.

After a pause, Hinata gathered up the courage to say, "So are you going to tell me about what happened with Akaashi?"

"Nothing to talk about."

Hinata scoffed. "Bullshit. Tell me what happened." Bokuto's eyes remained closed and there was a pregnant pause while his friend waited for his response.

"It's over," he finally said, with much less emotion than Hinata would have expected.

"Bullshit. You have to talk to him! You have to tell him what was, what is happening. He has a right to know!"

"Too late," mumbled Bokuto.

"No, it's not. He'll understand, he loves you!"

"Nah. It's over. Forget it. He'll be fine without me. Better off even."

"Bo, please listen, just tell him."

"No reason to. Doesn't matter." Hinata wanted to throw up his hands in frustration. He sat there debating about how to get through to his friend.

After a couple of minutes he said, "If you don't tell him, I will." No response.

"Bo, did you hear me? If you don't tell him, I will."

"Doesn't matter, Hinata. Just let it go."

"I won't let it go. It's too important. Please. Just pick up the phone. I'll dial for you. Kageyama is with Akaashi now."

"Nah, sleepy. Gotta sleep now. Too tired." He was mumbling again. Hinata waited a few minutes to see if he would say anything else, but he appeared to have fallen asleep. Hinata didn't want to wake him, so he covered him with a blanket, put away the food, and checked the time. It was now just before seven o'clock. He sat down to call his husband.

"Hey babe," said Kageyama when he answered Hinata's call.

"Hey," said Hinata, wearily. "How's Akaashi?"

"He's been like a zombie all day. He gets up, he walks around, he talks to me even, but he's out of it. And he won't tell me about Bokuto or the fight. He just keeps saying 'it doesn't matter now.' How are things on your end?"

"Bokuto has been asleep all day, as far as I can tell. I convinced him to eat a little soup but then he fell back asleep. He still doesn't want to tell Akaashi, no matter how much I push him. He says it's too late." They were both silent for a minute, digesting the information the other had given them.

"What do we do?" Kageyama finally asked.

"I don't know," said Hinata, exhaling. Another short silence. "But I have to leave soon. I can't leave Natsu home alone all night."

"Yeah, that's true. Maybe … maybe you can talk to him again before you leave and see if you can convince him?"

"I can try. But what if he still won't listen?" Another pause as they both considered.

"If you can't convince him, then I say we tell Akaashi ourselves. I know Bokuto doesn't want us to and I really thought it should come from him, but I think we need to. What do you think?"

Hinata agreed, "Yeah, I think we have to. Soon. I … I'll let you know what happens."

"Okay, babe. Take care. Talk to you soon. Love you."

"Love you too."

Hinata sat in the chair for a long time, just watching Bokuto sleep and playing on his phone. When it started to get late and he needed to get home to his sister, he roused his friend.

"Bokuto-san, wake up." No response. "Bokuto! Wake up, I need to talk to you," which only resulted in a weak groan. "Bo, I need to talk to you!" Hinata said loudly, causing his friend to open his eyes and look at him, taking a minute to focus his gaze.

"Hinata?"

"I need to leave soon. I don't want to leave Natsu overnight by herself and Tobio... Tobio is in Tokyo. With Akaashi. Who is very upset. I really think you should tell him." There was no sound except their quiet breathing for a moment.

"I can't tell him. It's too late anyway. It doesn't matter anymore." Bokuto spoke softly and sounded defeated.

Hinata tried one last time, his voice pleading, "Bo. Please! I really think you owe it to him."

"All I do is hurt him. I should let him go so he can be happy."

"You know that's not true," Hinata reprimanded gently.

"It is true." They stared at each other for several minutes. Finally Hinata relented, accepting that he could not change his friend's mind. "I'm going to leave now to get home to Natsu, but I'm coming back in the morning, okay? Will you be alright tonight?"

"Mmmm," agreed Bokuto. "I'm going back to sleep. So tired."

"Okay," said Hinata, rising out of his chair. "Why don't you go to bed? Where is your phone?" Bokuto looked around, still appearing lost and confused.

"Don't know."

"Let's check in your bedroom." Hinata followed Bo back to the bedroom and they found his phone by the bedside table. Hinata plugged it in to make sure it was charged as Bokuto, still in his boxers and nothing else, flopped back on the bed.

Hinata reminded him, "I'm coming back in the morning to check on you. Your phone is right here. If you need anything at any time, you call me. Okay?"

"Kay," replied Bokuto, leaving Hinata only half convinced his friend had heard him. He stood for another few seconds, staring at his exhausted, broken senpai, and finally turned to leave. He didn't exactly feel right abandoning Bokuto, but he had to get home. Hinata sent up a silent prayer that Bo would be okay until he came back in the morning.

Hinata arrived back at Bokuto's apartment at around nine o'clock Sunday morning. Again, he tried calling his friend several times, but Bokuto didn't answer. Hinata tried knocking on the door, hoping to rouse Bo from his heavy slumber, but that didn't seem to work either. He debated what to do for a moment, and then slumped down to the floor, back against Bokuto's apartment door. He waited a while, and then tried calling again. And again. Then he tried knocking repeatedly. Then he called once more. Twice. Finally, on about the umpteenth time he called Bokuto, his friend picked up the phone. His voice was scratchy.

"What?"

"Bokuto-san, it's Hinata. I'm at your place. I need you to let me in."

"Go away, Hinata. I'm fine."

"You are not fine. And I'm not going away. Let me in please. You shouldn't be alone." There was silence for a moment, and when Bo spoke again, he sounded more lucid than Hinata had heard him in the last couple of days.

"I don't want to see you. I don't want to see anyone. Just leave me alone? I'll be fine."

"Bo, I'm not leaving. Let me in."

"Go away, Hinata," said Bokuto, his voice again sounding coherent although devoid of emotion. Then he hung up. Hinata cursed. He sat there for a while, continuing to call and knock over and over, until at long last, he gave up. He checked the time, it was now just after eleven. With shaky hands, he called his husband.

"Hey, babe. How is he today?"

Hinata's voice cracked a bit as he choked back tears of frustration and sorrow. "He won't let me in. He answered his phone but he told me to go away. And… and now he won't answer his phone or his door. I know what's going to happen next and… I don't think he will listen to me. He needs Akaashi."

Kageyama closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath. "Okay. We should tell Akaashi now. Do you agree?"

"Yeah," agreed Hinata.

"Before I get him, are you okay?"

"I feel… like I failed," said Hinata, stifling a sob.

"It's not your fault. We're doing all we can. I'll get Akaashi okay? And you'll tell him."

Hinata nodded but realized Tobio couldn't see him nod, so he croaked out a "yeah" and tried to steady his nerves and gather his thoughts before dropping this bomb on his friend.

Akaashi was given Kageyama's phone and said "Hello" in a dull, lifeless voice.

"Akaashi," Hinata began, "I … I have to tell you something about Bokuto-san."