[Les Claypool]
I'm goin' down to South Park, going to have myself a time.
[Kyle and Stan]
Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
[Les Claypool]
Goin' down to South Park, going to leave my woes behind.
[Jason white]
Ample parking day or night, people spouting: "Howdy, neighbor!"
[Les Claypool]
Headin' on up to South Park going to see if I can't unwind.
[Tweek Tweak & Butters]
Our town is more significant, dammit, right down to the little granite.
[Les Claypool]
So come on down to South Park, and meet some friends of mine.
(Stratified Says House, England)
A Nine-year-old girl with strawberry blond hair, waiting for a hot pink hoodie and gray women shorts, sat in an opulent yet oversized chair in an empty chamber that had once been her father's study. There was no furniture in the office because it had all been sold, so her family would continue to keep the house and afford to continue paying the staff. Her name was Tallulah Wellesley, the current Duchess of Wellington.
Tallulah looked at the picture of her older brother, Gregory. He had been Dead for a year now… of course, this didn't bother Tallulah, not at all. Gregory had been a horrible brother and would have contributed to even more shame on the family than her dad had with done with his gambling debts and many affairs with slags! That being thought, both her father and brother had been taken down thanks to the Yokels of South Park, and she could not lose what little honor her family had left by letting the killers of her family get off scot-free. Thanks to her household's many connections in the world, she could find the few remaining enemies of South Park's main troublemakers, Stan, Kyle, Tweek, Butters, and Cartman, and had them all taken together with promises of vengeance and fortune. She had found the perfect scapegoat in Scott Tenorman. She had given him all the tools needed to eliminate stan's crew, and when the police caught him after he had finished his deeds, they would think he was mad and would not believe a word out of his mouth.
She would have her vengeance and keep her family's honor intact.
An elderly female Butler entered the office and held a silver tray with a pink Bedazzled cellphone case befitting a girl her age.
"You have a call, Ms. Wellesley." The Butler replied.
Tallulah smiled.
"Thank you, Imogen. You may leave now." Tallulah said.
Imogen bowed, then left the office.
Tallulah noticed the caller ID and sighed. She answered the phone and heard the voice of Scott Tenorman on the other line.
"What is it, Scott?" Tallulah asked.
"The kids are in the woods now. Johnny just texted me and told me they have them… what should I do now?"
"Stupid American," Tallulah said under her breath.
"It's your decision, Scott. Remember, you want them to be humiliated and disgraced. You do what you wish."
"B-but what about all these other crazies you hired? I can barely keep them from killing Stan, Kyle, Tweek, and Butters."
"So? Let them have their fun. What do you care about what happens to them?"
The line went silent for a moment before Scott spoke again.
"I just needed them to be humiliated and driven out of town; I want to avoid killing them. The only person I needed to stop was Eric."
"Oh well, you might as well follow through on this, Scott, because if you let the boys go free, then they will tell the authorities of your actions, and you will be arrested and spend the rest of your life in a maximum-security prison. Your prisoners will see you as a skinny weakling, and I'm sure you saw what happens to people like you in prison shows and movies.
"I-I understand." the line then went dead, and Tallulah leaned back into her father's old chair. She looked up at the mural of cherubs holding olive branches over the earth. Soon, her family's honor would be restored.
(New South Park, Testaburger Apartment)
Wendy walked towards the door after hearing the doorbell ring.
Wendy's twin sister, Angelica, glanced towards the family door and smiled.
"Do you think it's Stan coming to confess and his love for me and not you, Wendy?" Angelica asked with an evil grin on her face.
Wendy rolled her eyes, then opened the door and, to her surprise, saw Jason standing outside her apartment.
"Uh, hi Jason. Do you need help with something?" Wendy suggested. She knew the way she was asking was rude, but she and Jason didn't know each other very well. She noticed Jason was sweating and had splotches of mud all over his clothes.
"Are you ok?"
It was another minute before Jason spoke up.
"It's Stan; he and the other guys are in trouble," Jason said.
Wendy's face changed from one of confusion to one of seriousness.
"Get in; we're going to make some calls."
Jason followed Wendy to her room. He wasn't sure why Wendy was taking him to her bedroom.
"I'm Assuming you already called the cops?" Wendy asked as she got a pink outfit out of her closet, then went into the lavatory.
"Yes, Officer Barbrady and Officer Burroughs showed up and thought that the guys and I had robbed a bank and held Scott tenorman hostage; after that, they just started shooting."
The Lavatory door opened, and Wendy stepped out wearing her call-girl costume.
Jason blushed as he saw Wendy in her attire.
"Remember, Jason; you already have a girlfriend. Don't ruin things with Theresa just because Wendy is super hot in that outfit." Jason thought to himself.
Wendy then tossed Jason one of her phones.
"Go into my contacts and call Lola and Heidi. I'll call Bede; I'm sure as soon as I tell Bede Kyle is in trouble, she'll want to come over here as quickly as possible."
Before Jason could call Lola or Heidi, he felt his phone vibrate and noticed Theresa calling.
Jason answered.
"Sorry, babe, I can't talk immediately. I'm dealing with a life-and-death situation." Jason said before he hung up.
"You're a bit dramatic, don't you think ?"
"Ah, come on, Wendy. Could you not give me that look? I'm trying to sound cool to my girlfriend."
(South Park forest,20 minutes later)
Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Tweek were pinned by their feet from a tall branch.
"Oh boy, o boy, I have been waiting for a long time to do this. What should we do first, guys?" the Bear within the woodland critters asked.
"Let's cut a hole in their backs, then remove their ribs one by one, then pull out all their vital organs and listen as they cry out in pain." The Deer said.
"Ok, I know we're all villains, and we all love doing evil deeds and everything, but these critters are just too much. Anyone else with me on this?" Mr. Reality asked.
Everyone else murmured and agreed.
"Oh well, it sucks that we have to do this to you, guys, but in the end, it's all your own fault." the Bear spoke.
"Is what our fault?" Ms. Ellen asked.
"This." the Deer said before the woodland critters massacred the other villains.
Ms. Ellen ran away from the fray, but as quickly as she got far enough, she went down over an upturned root and went down face first in opossum skat!
"Ugh!"
As quickly as Ms. Ellen pulled herself out of the skat pile, she heard a familiar voice.
"Ms. Ellen?!"
Before the succubus could even look up, she felt a cold blade touch her neck, then sliced her from ear to ear!
The blood then came gushing out as the former teacher fell dead to the ground!
"Wendy, what the sht?!" Bede said as she tried to wipe the blood off her green hero costume.
"I had to kill her, Bebe. Do you want an over-sexualized succubus running around town again?"
"I don't care that you murdered her; I'm mad because you murdered her in a way that got blood all over our new outfits! Do you know how hard I worked on them?"
"I didn't ask you to create outfits for everyone; besides, it only took you 20 minutes to make these."
"Ya, and I think we should appreciate the outfits I made since there so good."
"You have got to admit, Wendy, these are cool outfits." Heidi said as she looked at the plant costume, Bede had done for her.
"Mine is excellent too," Lola replied.
"You know, Jason; you could have worn one of the outfits I made for Kyle," Bede said.
"That's ok, Bede. The outfits you showed me were a little too revealing." Jason said.
"Of course they're revealing; I made them for Kyle."
"Shush, I hear someone," Call-girl replied.
The call-girl looked out from behind a tree and saw two adult men standing in front of several cartoonish-looking animals.
She recognized the two guys as Johnny English And Arthur d Levinson.
"We're going to kill one of you two. It's up to the two of you to decide who's going to die." the raccoon said.
"How are we-"
Arthur was interrupted when johnny stabbed him several times in the chest!
"I… did it. Do I get to live?" johnny asked.
"Well, you will get to live, johnny. But it won't be a carefree existence." the Bear spoke.
The porcupine then took out a syringe, stuck it in johnny's neck, and injected a clear fluid into him.
Johnny took the syringe out of his collar then looked at The cartoonish creatures.
"Wha-what did you just inject into me?!" johnny asked.
"Congratulations, johnny. You now have Lou Gehrig's disease. Before you freak out, we suggest you consider your options. You can stay here and continue to freak out, and we will kill you when we get bored, or you can run off into the woodlands and try to enjoy what little time you have left on this earth." the rabbit replied.
Johnny looked at the woodland critters for a moment before running deeper into the woodlands.
The woodland critters then turned their attention to Scott, Dougie, and Noma.
Dougie cried.
"AHH, I should have just ignored your f text!" Dougie said.
Scott ignored Dougie.
"You can't execute us; that wasn't part of the contract," Scott replied.
"We didn't make a contract with you, Scott. We made a pact with Tallulah Wellesley, and she doesn't give a crap about what happens to you or these two other kids." the rabbit replied.
"So what, you're just making to kill us for the fun of it?"
"We're psychopaths, Scott. Of course, we're going to kill you for the fun of it!"
"I just had a great idea; let's wake up the new kids then we can execute them all at once, that means we can enjoy the thrill of the murder." the fox replied.
The woodland critters then cheered.
"I'll go cut 'em down." the Bear said before getting out a machete. He was about to cut Stan down first but stopped when a Shuriken struck him in the left eye!
"Ow, that hurt."
"You're going to be in worse pain when we're done with you," Heidi answered.
The girls and Jason Jumped out of the shadows and readied themselves for whatever attack the woodland critters could do.
"Oh, this is so good, more carcasses to eat.… I think I'll use the balding kid for a sleeping bag." the fox answered.
"I'm not balding! I have a high forehead! Jason shouted.
"Enough talk, let's kill!" the Bear spoke.
Tweek opened his eyes and noticed the girls and woodland critters staring each other down.
"Heidi, what the hell are you doing here?!" wonder Tweek shouted.
"You're not allowed to talk?" the Bear said.
The bear was about to claw Tweek's face, but Heidi summoned the branches and the vines to wrap around the Bear's body and pull his body until they ripped apart it!
Lola's hair molded into two giant fists and Beat the deer, porcupine, and fox to death!
The skunk ripped the throwing star out of the Bear's corps and was about to throw it at Lola, but Bede mutated into a tigress and mauled the skunk!
Call-girl killed the rest of the woodland creatures. For evil monsters, the critters were surprisingly weak.
Heidi used her powers to cut Tweek and the others down from the branch, then made sure the vines lowered Tweek to the ground while she just let the others fell to the ground.
"Ow! I landed on my Butt." Human Kite said.
Bede rushed over to her boyfriend and checked to make sure his posterior was ok.
"Are you ok, Human kite?" she asked.
The kite hero turned away, so his girlfriend wouldn't notice him blushing at her beautiful costume.
"Lola, you were terrific out there. I didn't know you could kick so much evil booty." Buttersstar said.
"Thanks, Tiger. I have to say you were pretty sexy out there, all tied up and vulnerable." Lola replied, making Buttersstar uncomfortable.
Call-girl ran up to Toolshed and hugged him.
"You got here fast," Toolshed said.
Call-girl pulled away and smiled at her longtime boyfriend. She was about to say something but was interrupted when they all heard Scott shout: Everybody freezes!"
Scott took out a spare revolver and pointed it at the group.
"None of you are going anywhere!"
"Hold on; you had another gun this whole time? Why didn't you use it against the woodland critters?!" Tweek shouted.
"Because I didn't have enough bullets to wipe out all of them, but I have sufficient to kill you all."
"Why do you hate us so much ?!" Butters asked.
Scott lowered his revolver then looked at the children, sad.
"I don't despise any of you; I only hated Eric. When you all got those embarrassing videos, it wasn't Eric who sent it but me; I wanted everyone in the city to despise him, so I could kill him with the much-desired satisfaction of killing him while he was at his worst, but he died too early. I thought if I killed you guys, then at least I would have wiped any memory of him from this town, but it's not worth it. It's not worth killing you all."
Everyone was silent for a moment until the human kite spoke up.
"You got what you wanted."
"What do you mean?"
"Everyone in town always hated Eric. The only reason I think people didn't kick him out was that his mom slept with most of our parents, but when you sent those videos, everyone hated him more than ever. Even though you didn't kill him yourself, you set his death in motion."
"Ya, you're right. I did. Who cares if I didn't get to kill him myself? I still killed him in-!"
Scott then fell into the snow, face first. Out of his back was a small green dart.
Noma pulled the dart out, then glanced at the group of older children.
"It's because of him; my twin brother is dead. I don't care what happens to any of you; I never did."
She then turned around and looked at Dougie.
"Dougie, now that Scott is dead and my brother is finished, you are now leader of coon hound and friends."
"You guys aren't going anywhere. You're under arrest." Toolshed said.
Noma took out a smoke bomb and ignited it!
She and Dougie disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke.
After a few minutes, everyone headed back home.
"Thanks for saving us, girls," Tweek said while Heidi held on to his left arm.
"Don't thank us, thank Jason. We wouldn't have known you guys were in trouble if it wasn't for him." Lola replied.
Stan, Butters, Kyle, and Tweek looked over at Jason and smiled.
"Nice going, Jason," Tweek said.
(Hell, Satan's war room)
Oliver Cromwell looked down at Eric's plans.
First came fire, then came a plague and war.
"Eric, these plans of yours are detailed. Are you sure it would not be more accessible to wipe out the entire town in one fell swoop?"
Eric laughed before looking back down at his plans.
"Oh no, Oliver. That would let them off far too easy. They deserve to suffer, every one of them."
To be continued,
Please comment