He woke up in an exceptionally good mood, like he hadn't felt in years, maybe even decades. He made it to the shop a full hour before his shift. By the time Chifuyu arrived early in the afternoon, the shop was spotlessly clean, everything perfectly sorted out, and all animals taken care of. Having Kazutora around sure was a huge help.
- Well, well, well... someone's in a good mood today, huh?
- Hmm, maybe... - he just smiled at his boss' attempt to tease him.
- Maybe, huh... Something happened, I can tell. Did you send her the gift?
- I personally brought it, actually... But no, I didn't meet with her, before you scold me. I'm not THAT stupid... I just wanted to deliver it personally.
- Huh... you're a hopeless case. So, did you get a response?
- I did! I fucking did, man! - Kazutora excitedly patted and shook Chifuyu's shoulder.
- That's great. - Chifuyu removed his hand from his shoulder. - Did she say anything about coming here today?
- She confirmed she'd come. We messaged for a while last night!
- Aah, so that's why you've been prancing around like a chipmunk on cocaine since the early morning...
- Do I... look... ok?
- You look exactly like a janitor in a pet shop would.
Kazutora rolled his eyes.
- But hey, you can take the apron off if you want. I'll take over the stinky business from here, for the rest of the day. You go shower and change if you want...
- Are you serious? - His eyes sparkled.
- For now... so better get going before I change my mind!
Kazutora had already taken the apron off, and jumped in front of Chifuyu.
- Boss, you're the best! I'd give you a kiss now, if I didn't know you'd punch my face for it. - he laughed. - And I can't afford to let Tsukishiro-san see me with a bruised and swollen face, at least not today...
- Go. Take. The fucking. Shower. Stop testing my patience! - Chifuyu growled in annoyance, but his tone was cheerful.
After getting the animal smells off of himself and changing, he went back to the shop.
- You're dismissed for the rest of the day! - Chifuyu shouted from the storage, as soon as he heard Kazutora enter the shop. - Go have a date or something!
- Thanks boss! I'm leaving it to you!
- Get lost... - Chifuyu said audibly only to himself. "Baji-san... help us, please!"
Kazutora sat outside the shop, waiting for Fuyuko. He did in fact intend to ask her out and take her out immediately, if she accepts. He started creating scenarios in his head, and rehearsing internally what he was going to say.
About a half an hour later, Fuyuko appeared. She wore a flowy knee-length silk dress with long sleeves. Her already tiny waist cinched in to nonexistence with a wide leather sash. Long raven hair pulled back in half a ponytail, with just a couple of tiny short strands framing her face. Her piercing eyes accentuated even more with a touch of makeup. She always looked beautiful in his eyes, but this time she literally took his breath away. He gasped upon seeing her.
- Hanemiya-san... - she greeted him with her trademark smile. - I didn't expect to see you outside the shop. What's going on?
- Tsukishiro-san... - he blushed as she approached him. - Chifuyu was kind enough to let me off my shift early today. I was waiting for you.
- Oh, you did?
- Yeah, uhm... Well, actually... I wanted to ask you... If you... - he was struggling to find the words. - Will you please go out with me? - he suddenly broke through.
She was slightly taken aback by a sudden exclamation, but flattered as well. Her cheeks turned a lively shade of pink.
- I will... - she smiled again.
He hesitantly raised his eyes to meet hers.
- You... you will? - he asked for confirmation, still in slight disbelief.
- Yes, I said so. - she chuckled nervously.
- Oh... - he was embarrassed and awkwardly scratched the back of his head. - Uhm... would you mind if I took you out for dinner right now? - he decided to go for all or nothing.
- Not at all! - she grinned in response. - Let's go!
After sharing a meal in a close by restaurant, and talking about nothing in particular, he offered to show her some of his favorite places in the city. Having spent a lot of his time in the streets, he knew a lot of secret spots very well. And there was this one skyscraper in particular, that offered the best view of the Sumida River from its rooftop. He wanted to show her that.
As they were walking around the city through all those almost secret passages, she kept wondering how in the world that kind, responsible man with a boyish charm could be the same one who carried the blood of two on his hands... It didn't seem real.
Arriving to the said place, she gasped at the beautiful sight in front of her - the River Sumida reflecting hundreds of thousands of city lights in all colors, while the city skyline was contoured above it in the distance.
- Wow, this is beautiful... Thank you for showing me!
- You're more than welcome. - he gently smiled. - I'm glad you like it.
Silence again. The elephant was definitely in the room. As if he sensed her uneasiness, he broke off the silence eventually.
- Tsukishiro-san, may I ask you something?
- Hm, what is it, Hanemiya-san?
- Are you afraid of me? - he inquired softly, facing towards her, while she kept her gaze fixated in the distance.
- Eh? What... what do you mean? Why would I be afra...
- Because I'm a murderer, after all... - He didn't let her finish the sentence. - Do you see me as a criminal?
- Nooo, I... - she was nervous.
- Please, be brutally honest with me. We made a deal that we'd get to know each other better, didn't we?
He realized that his words could have come across as pressuring. - A-and, I mean, y-you don't have to answer if you don't want to... I'm just... I... I'm sorry if I'm scaring you. Just please, please bear in mind that I would much rather gouge my own eyes out and eat them, than hurt you intentionally in any way! My only wish is to protect you so that you can keep smiling always. And if you see me as nothing more than a mere murderer, then so be it, I'm not so delusional as to think I could ask for anything better. I'd be fine with that. But even if it is so, just please grant me the right to protect you! - his voice was filled with desperation.
- Hanemiya-san... I... I don't know what to say. If I'm perfectly honest, I sometimes wonder if it's really ok to trust you... But when I'm with you, I feel strangely at ease, and I feel safe. So no, I don't see you as a murderer... At least, not anymore. I learned to accept the past, and to forgive the ones Kei-nii forgave and cared for as well. For his sake first, but also for my own. I realized that hate is a waste of time and a waste of life. And that I'd be denying myself the opportunities to experience good things in life if I kept on clinging on my negative emotions.
- Those are some truly wise thoughts, Tsukishiro-san. My therapists kept telling me similar things all the time. But it still took me so much longer to realize the same thing... You sure are an amazing person...
She finally slowly turned his way to face him. And she took a good look at him. He sure was a sight to behold. Tall, lean, but with well-defined physique, perfectly chiseled face with almost feminine features, 'sad puppy' eyes and a beauty mark below his right eye... There was still some boyish innocence in his smile, that contrasted the melancholic look of someone with a rich life experience in his big hazel eyes. His two-colored silky shoulder-length hair flowing in the evening breeze, showing his trademark tiger tattoo on the right side of his neck, and the bell piercing on his left ear.
She had seen all of his features before. She knew he had a neck tattoo; she knew he had a piercing; she knew he had a beauty mark... But she never saw his features in this way before. Something was different, and she couldn't really tell what. But she suddenly felt that cutting sensation in her stomach again.
- You shouldn't compare yourself with anyone, Hanemiya-san. So what if I figured it out sooner than you did? Each one of us had different circumstances to deal with. We can't compare...
- And yet again you leave me speechless with the amount of wisdom you possess. I have a hard time believing you're related to Baji... - he laughed. - He made up in aggression for whatever he lacked in wisdom. But his kindness knew no end... Just like yours, Tsukishiro-san.
- Kei-nii was definitely something else. A once in a century person. We can only consider ourselves lucky for the fact that he had lived in our time, and carry on his legacy and the memory of him.
- Exactly... I will carry his death with me as my cross for the rest of my time... together with Shin'ichiro-kun's death... But I will continue to live with it as a part of my punishment, just as I promised Mikey.
They were both standing by the fence, looking at the night skyline of Tokyo reflecting on the surface of the Sumida River. She held her arms crossed, tucking her hands away in her coat sleeves. He was leaning with his elbows against the fence, resting his chin on his interlocked hands. She stole a couple glances at him, particularly his hands. Pale skin, long, bony fingers, visible veins, wide knuckles and joints... somehow, everything about him looked like a perfectly logical contradiction, a mixture of feminine and masculine traits, she thought. His gaze seemed to be fixated on something in the distance. He seemed deep in thoughts. "He's quite a hard nut to crack, huh? I still can't quite figure him out. But he sure is devilishly handsome." She slightly blushed at her own thoughts. As if he picked up on that strange vibe going on between them, he felt the need to break the silence.
- Tsukishiro-san? - She turned to face him, snapping back from her thoughts. - Is it ok with you if I light a cigarette right now? I could really use a smoke...
- Why are you asking me that? Of course, you can.
- Well, I know it won't exactly be the first time I smoked in front of you, but it has only now occurred to me that you're a nonsmoker and might not tolerate the cigarette smoke... - His voice became quieter. - I'm sorry I've been inconsiderate...
- Hanemiya-san - she lightly chuckled - I'm starting to think that you are too hard on yourself sometimes.
His eyes met hers.
- What do you mean?
- Not everything is your fault.
He froze. There it was. That word. That damn word. In a split second, it had triggered back an avalanche of negative feelings, painful flashbacks, and regrets.
- You are not doing things wrong all the time - she continued.
His face went a green shade of pale. He almost felt nauseous, remembering the things from 12, 14, 15 years ago... He remembered what his suppressed rage felt like, and it made him feel sick. He remembered the euphoria, the fear, the disappointment, the hate, the despair... the smell of blood, the crazy adrenaline rushes, Mikey's kicks and punches, Baji's sacrifice... all at once. All of it surged into his head instantly, reminding him that not even 10 years of therapy can delete one's sins. And that's it. He was a sinner. It was, in fact, all his fault.