Chapter 3:

The whole flight back to the cabin was filled with silence. Bucky was too overwhelmed with the idea that he was free, he didn't really talk much. He just stared at anything that wasn't a person. At the moment, it was staring at the wall on the other side of the ship.

He could see Evelyn off the corner of his eye eying him with a curious sadness. She seemed upset that he wasn't talking, but also seemed to want to talk. Eventually, she just resorted to running her hands through his shoulder length brown hair.

They sat that was for a few minutes, just in silence and just taking each other in.

Out of nowhere though, Evelyn just chuckled. Attention grabbed, Bucky looked to her confused.

"You know, your hair makes you look like a caveman?" She then laughed a bit more, "I can cut your hair if you want to."

Bucky looked at her unsure of what he wanted. His hair had grown out this long due to lack of care for his looks and to hide his identity. If he was to cut it, it would mean a part of himself would be exposed. He didn't think he was ready for that.

"Oh come on!" Evelyn playfully pushed against his flesh shoulder, "I think you would look quite handsome with the short hair! I mean Steve did say you had the looks and charms back in the forties. I can totally see what he mean with that."

"I was quite the lady's man. Even dragged Steve along when two ladies wanted to go out with me. He usually ended up hiding, but I still dragged him along." Bucky chuckled at the memory. Honestly he was surprised he remembered this.

"Lady's man huh? I don't think you charms can still work now old man." He looked at her smirking, "I mean I'm one to talk. I'm a very single Pringle."

"Well if you let me get through all of this, then I'll show you my romantic side." Bucky smiled and then grew introspective. He may be free of the programming, but there was still a lot of work to do to re-learn how to live life apart from his past.

"Oh! I would like to see you try. Because, unless you are a flying Cupid baby, I don't think your charms will work on me."

Both of them laughed and then grew silent as the plane landed.

Bucky was home.

"Let's go get your metal arm." Bucky quickly unstrapped the seat belt and stood with the assistance of Evelyn, "I'm sure Shuri can't wait to hook it up to you."

Ayo rounded the corner smiling at the two.

"Thank you Ayo. I really don't know where I'd be without your help." Bucky walked up to her and smiled.

"You're welcome Sergeant Barnes. You are more than deserving of this honor."

Evelyn soon butted into the conversation.

"It's going to be so unfair when you get the arm. You're going to be the one with all the muscle."

"I don't know about that. I've been the one with all the muscle for a really long time."

"Okay, but I'm more flexible than you." Bucky tried not to look so shocked when he watched her stick out her tongue at him.

Bucky just smiled and then chuckled.

"Alright I'll give you that one." Bucky sighed and then walked out of the plane and back into the cabin. He then resumed his position on the couch and continued to read the books that Evelyn gave him.

It was quiet for a little bit, or Bucky could have zoned completely out. The books as just as he remembered when he was younger. Full of adventure and full of wonderful characters. He was so enamored by the book that he almost missed Evelyn's enthusiastic musings about the new arm.

He glanced up at her as she sat down on the couch right at his feet. Next to her on the other side sat a case. Bucky watched her as she marveled and the wonderful Wakandan technology that she had just become super fascinated with.

"I will give Shuri something. She is very intelligent. The only reason why I even helped make the arm is because I wanted to be able to help repair it when it was needed." Evelyn patted the case and chuckled as the excitement, "Shuri is over eager to give this to you. So I won't spoil the surprise."

"Do you mind, or know if you if Shuri would mind if we hold of till morning to put that on? I need some time to process everything that just happened.

He waited expectantly as it looked like she was making the executive decision to wait. She seemed very on the fence. He knew that she and Shuri were both super excited to gift him with it, and he was excited to try it on. But he wasn't mentally prepared for so many new things.

"Alright. I'll let Shuri know to wait."

Evelyn walked away leaving Bucky int he living room alone. He thought about settling back down and reading, but his mind was too busy reliving the last night's events to really concentrate right now.

In reality he didn't know what to do. The Winter Soldier had been apart of him for so long, he didn't know what it was like to have a life or a normal conversation with people. He had forgotten what it was like to be himself. Many times he fought for it and many times he failed. Or the people who were handling him would brainwash and torture him to the point that his whole identity as Bucky Barnes would be forgotten.

He looked down at his feet and sighed. The emotions threaten to overtake him once again. Everything had become increasingly overwhelming. He couldn't think straight, or when he did, he didn't believe that he was free. Bucky felt like the previous night had been a dream. That he hadn't been free. Fear crept back in. The thought that someone could come close to him and say the ten words and reactivate the Soldier, scared him. One wrong move and he could end up in a prison somewhere, facing a life away from anyone he ever knew.

There were many people who were calling for his head too. The moment he poked his head out of any hole, he would probably lose it.

Bucky looked back up to Evelyn who seemed to notice the subtle and yet not so subtle wringing of his hands. He often did that when he was anxious. It was something that Evelyn and Steve had seemed to pick up on.

Evelyn resumes her seat at his side and smiles sadly over at him. He felt obligated to send a small smile back her way.

"I can't imagine what you are going through. It must be tough." Bucky sighed in a comforted manner, as her fingers rolled back through his hair again.

"You have no idea." He just relaxed into her embrace and just sat there, letting the feeling of her hands carding through his hair release the tension from his body.

He even felt her pull him closer to her. Bucky felt her hands on his shoulders, pushing him to lay down on the couch. His head eventually ended up in her lap. Evelyn continued to run her fingers through his hair while she tried to get him to relax. Which worked. The fingers through his hair loosened him up enough to where he grew sleepy.

"Well," Bucky's eyes went up to hers. They got lost in each others' gazes for a mere few seconds before she continued, "At least you're free now."

"Yeah….free." Bucky still wasn't convinced this wasn't all just some made up dream that Hydra put in his head to convince him that he wouldn't ever be free. In his many years under various handlers, many methods were tried to prevent his mind from reverting back to its old self. Once, after one of his many escape attempts and when some of his memories returned, one of his handlers gave him a hallucinogen drug that had him convinced Steve had died by his hands. As a result, he wouldn't ever be able to return to America. That the Americans hated him. He was so convinced this was true, that he had been the cause of Captain America's death, that he remained holed up in his cell for a few days afterwords. Not even daring to do anything but comply.

Bucky shivered at the memory.

"Are you cold?" Bucky saw Evelyn's head perk up right at the same moment. "I can get you a blanket or something."

"No…I'm alright. I just remembered something and it wasn't pleasant." Bucky looked up into her brown eyes jus trying to gage the concern in her eyes. Once he was convinced she wasn't going to press any further he added, "But you can get me a blanket if that would make you feel better."

Bucky didn't know if he had seen a blur or a young woman stand up, but he became surprised at the speed in which she had gone to receive the blanket. Soon, he was laying with his head in Evelyn's lap again and a blanket wrapped securely around his shoulders. He made swift the work to get comfortable again. But when he did, all he could do was stare at her.

"Are you feeling better now?" He caught the sides of her mouth upturn into a bit of a smirk as if she mean to trap him beneath the confines of the covers.

But Bucky had instantly become relaxed and just grunted his affirmation. Soon he was sound asleep, wrapped in her arms and the blanket, oblivious to what was going on around him.

But he wasn't expecting the nightmares.

It started off as just a dream. He laid there in a field of flowers, taking in the sights, the smells and the sounds of the multicolored field around him. Steve and Sam were off to his left chatting quietly amongst themselves obviously having a good time.

Evelyn was to his left. He saw how she absentmindedly picked at the flowers like there wasn't a few people standing right there not far from her. She seemed lost, but seemed to be picking the flowers with a purpose.

Then out of nowhere, someone started saying the dreaded ten words.

"Longing!"

He felt the fear coursing through him. Something deep within his mind seemed to open up and the parts of him that made him Bucky slowly started getting closed off.

"Rusted, Seventeen, Daybreak."

Soon he was alone with Evelyn and Steve cowering in the corner almost as if they were looking right at him as if he was some sort of threat. They seemed to tremble no matter how hard he tried to reassure them he wasn't going to hurt them.

"Furnace, Nine, Benign!"

"Stay away from us!"

This time Steve stood protectively between Bucky, Sam and Evelyn. He held his hands out to either side of him blocking Bucky's access to the others cringing behind the man in fear. Bucky could see that Evelyn had blood all over her face, and Sam had blood running down his right arm. It looked like there was a deep gash sitting right beneath it.

"Homecoming, One, Freight Car."

Bucky became The Winter Soldier again and went on a rampage. His worst nightmare came true and he reached out to grab for Evelyn's throat. Steve laid limp on the ground to his left, Sam laid dead to his right. Evelyn was the only one left standing.

"Please! Bucky this isn't you!" She begged him as she held out her hands to stop him however futile that endeavor would be, "Snap out of it!"

Bucky didn't listen. He reached out and began to squeeze her throat so tightly that the only noise he could hear coming from her throat was the last breaths she took before he crushed her windpipe and death came.

Evelyn had begun to doze off when she realized Bucky had begun to have a nightmare. Whatever it was, it was intense. He began to flail beneath the covers and moan as if he was having an internal battle for control somewhere.

She quickly sat up and started to try and shake Bucky's shoulders to wake him.

"Shhh! Bucky its okay! It's only a dream!" She spoke softly yet urgently. Evelyn even had the courage to kiss the top of his head, then place a hand on his cheek and rub a thumb across it. It didn't seem to do anything for him. He just continued to flail.

As swiftly as the nightmare ended, Bucky sat up, eyes open, panting and just trying his best to catch his breath. He was mortified over what just happened. Evelyn only approached Bucky when it appeared he recognized where he was. She watched as he slumped forward and wiped tears from his face. It was almost as if he had forgotten s"he was in the room with him. He sat up, feet on the floor, elbows on his knees and hands clasped together as the shuddering breaths just forced their way through his body.

"Hey! It's okay. I'm here, Bucky." She pulled him into a warm embrace and once again kissed the top of his head.

However that was the worst thing she could have done. The movement startled Bucky and instincts must have caused him to stand, grab her neck with his right hand, squeeze rather hard and force her back onto the couch. Evelyn gasped when her body hit the couch hard. The wind left her body and she struggled to catch her breath. Which all things considered she was honestly surprised she as still breathing considering the death grip which held her at arms length.

He must have stood like that for a few seconds before recognition seemed to seep into his mind. Bucky just slowly let go. The sudden fierce gaze he had been holding seemed to fade away and was quickly replaced with fear. He instantly stood up straighter and then hesitated before grabbing the blanket and swiftly leaving the home to go outside.

Once Evelyn's head was clear she rushed outside to find Bucky pacing the ground in between the house and the lake. It was almost animalistic in nature, like a trapped predator waiting for an opening to leave. This left Evelyn worried. In all her years of knowing Bucky, she had never seen this sort of reaction from him before. If he was fearful, he often just ran. But he never paced. This was new.

"Bucky, please! It's okay! I'm okay. It was just a nightmare." She tried her best to console the anxious man in front of her. She even started walking towards him. However, she couldn't get close for every time he noticed when she was near, he would back away so fast, it was as if the blur became him.

"It was not just a nightmare." He resumed his pacing when he had properly distanced himself from her. Evelyn just watched as it appeared he teetered on the edge of running or just staying there pacing. He eventually turned toward her and that's when she saw the tears running down his face, "That was years of training, programming me to kill anyone who stood in my way. Th…..that was…."

She could tell he was struggling to find the words to describe the turmoil he was experiencing. The one positive moment was that he stopped pacing and had his back turned to her as if he was ashamed of what he had just been doing. This gave Evelyn the opening she needed to inch closer to him without him running away. She then finds his gaze and holds it as fiercely as he had just been pacing just mere moments before.

"Bucky, stop. Just keep looking into my eyes. Take a deep breath." She waited until she confirmed he had at least tried to take a deep breath, "Everything is going to be okay. You didn't hurt me. All you did was scare me."

"How can you say that Evelyn? You haven't lived through these nightmares…these…memories. You don't have to live through the trauma, the pain or the reminders of the countless horrors you committed over decades." Bucky intensely pointed toward his left shoulder after giving himself some distance between her and him. He also realized that he had started to raise his voice at her. "You weren't the one who would lost control. You didn't have your mind scrambled to the point where you would forget who you were. You didn't kill all those people!"

The pacing resumed and Evelyn just stood there watching the helpless man in front of her take in his breaths erratically like he was gearing up for a fight. Once again the image of a caged animal came to her mind. In some ways he was a caged animal. She just wished she knew of a way to help him get free of the bars around him.

"I can say that Bucky, because you are free of all those things! Those memories remain, but the Winter Soldier is gone." Evelyn tried once again to get close, but Bucky's pacing continued to set an ever increasing distance between the two of them, "You're right. I've not experienced all the trauma and the horror that you've experienced, but that doesn't mean I can't help you. Yes you may have moments where the programming comes out, but we can't fix it if we don't know where the issues lie. You can push me away, but I'm not leaving you. I may not know what you went through but I know that being alone is a horrible thing. You wouldn't want to be left alone would you? Please! Let me be there for you Bucky. Let me give you the affection and the love you deserve."

"Don't you see? The reason I'm alone is to keep my family and friends safe. In case you forgot, I almost killed you in there!" Bucky pointed back toward the house. "I am not free. I'll never be free. I'm not worth your effort. I'll just end up getting you killed. If I do kill you, I'm back in prison, or worse yet a psych ward and I don't want to be in either of those places."

"All I see is someone who is scared that he is going to lose everything. If you live in that fear, you'll always be on the run. Please, just stop running and stay with me! I can help you get through this. It's not going to be easy, but I'm going to be here for you every step of the way Bucky because I love you and I'm not going to leave you. Not now, not ever."

Evelyn was hopeful when she realized that he had some slight glimmer of hope in his eyes at her words, but with one swift shake of his head, he turned and ran away into the night.

"What happened?" Evelyn was startled at the new voice as she worried about Bucky. It was Shuri. Evelyn almost forgot that she was coming to put on his new arm in the morning.

"Let's just say we've got our work cut out for us."

Evelyn started walking back inside the cabin with Shuri. She took one last glance toward the forest where Bucky had run into and sighed.

"Bucky please believe me. You're going to be alright."