"Being attached to another person is what makes us human. So, if you say that attachment is bad, you are saying that life is bad."
Abhijit Naskar
Even post-Extermination, Hightown was nice. Angel had driven by the richest district in Hell plenty of times over the last 70 or so years, but he never stuck around longer than it took to collect a few dirty glares from the street. He'd even serviced several clients from Hightown, but none of those class acts wanted a good-time hooker coming home to set up shop (especially when the Pentagram was already full of seedy hotels looking to be filled and repeatedly emptied over the course of a single evening).
Compared to the other parts of town, there was considerably less blood and gore in the streets, but every so often he'd see the odd dismembered corpse or a rat running by with a finger clutched in its pointy little teeth. Maybe during his first year or two he'd have been disgusted, but now it was just business as usual after the Exorcists cleared out.
People got slaughtered, what were you gonna do?
The first residential building he came across was a large series of high-end condos, but from the bottom of the hill he could see more and more extravagant mansions stretching over the horizon. He whistled and raised a hand to shield his face from the red glow of the black sun. Damn, it must be nice to be an Overlord.
Though that brought up the question of why the fuck was someone as powerful as Alastor slumming it in the Hotel when he could probably take a district for himself and live it up for all eternity? Hell wasn't so bad if you had the money and power to make everyone else around you miserable. Though he supposed that it would never cut through the-
-sheer absolute
boredom…
Angel frowned and lowered his hand, crossing his top set of arms over his chest. That was right, wasn't it? Everyone in their right mind was terrified of Extermination, but the routine of day to day living in damnation did get old after a while. His first few years weren't so bad, fucking every guy he wanted, taking enough drugs to wind a goddamn hippo…
But then...it just kept going.
Angel sighed, lifting the forms and the ballpoint pen that he loosely held in his two lower arms to read over the bold typeface printed along the top. Clicking the pen repeatedly, he raised his chin to stare up at the building, flatly ignoring the Demons beginning to emerge from their homes as they opened their doors and windows to let the rank air outside replace the even ranker air inside.
Would going to Heaven actually be any different from staying in Hell (aside from having to deal with bullshit rules and regulations)? What if it was just more of the same: exciting at first, then all downhill after the buzz wore off?
Well, he supposed he wasn't gonna be going to Heaven anytime soon even if he did help the princess out with her chores. Al wasn't wrong. One good deed wasn't gonna blast through all the other shit he did and he wasn't so stupid to think otherwise.
He took a deep breath and was about to head toward the door of the condominium when he felt his phone vibrate. Frowning, he slipped the device out of his jacket and noted the caller ID before bringing it to his ear. "Hey Cherri."
"Angie! Where are you at right now?" Cherri's voice loudly burst through the speaker, making Angel wince and fumble to turn down the volume. "I've got some bugs to squash down on Main. You in?"
He adjusted his grip on the phone and glanced to the papers in his opposite hand. "Actually, I got a gig. But I'll come by after for a drink if the girls lemme stay out tonight."
Angel couldn't help but smile as Cherri made an exaggerated fart noise and booed. "That's fuckin' laaaame. But I get it. It's your rent payment and all that jazz." In the background, Angel could hear some popping sounds and a man screaming that his hair was on fire. He snickered and spun on his heel, turning his back to the condo building.
"Havin' fun blowin' away the competition?" he asked, stepping out of the way and leaning against a streetlight just off the sidewalk. A few people stared him down as they passed (men with lust, women with disdain and also lust) but he paid them no mind, used to being a pariah no matter where he went in the Pentagram. Instead he slipped the forms under one arm and dug out his lighter as well as a pack of cigarettes with the other two.
"Of course. I got more than enough ammo to take care of these losers."
Angel snorted as he stuck a cigarette between his teeth and lit the end, pocketing both the lighter and the packet as Cherri continued, "Though I'm surprised the Edgelord's not here yet. He's usually right on the money 'bout this time."
"Maybe he got whacked in the Extermination? He's an old geezer, right?" he said, straightening the hem of his skirt as a woman in a fox fur stuck her nose up at him. He flipped her off and took a drag, blowing the smoke out through his nose. "Was bound ta happen at some point."
More screams rattled off in the background of the call. "Nah, I saw that stupid looking blimp of his earlier. Don't see it anymore though so maybe he decided to go fuck up someone else's turf today?"
"Aw, are ya feelin' abandoned by your weird rival?" Angel teased, blowing a kiss to two teenage boys who were clearly gossiping about him from across the street. One of them looked taken aback while the other seemed more confused than anything, but they went on their way regardless.
"He's just an old man who doesn't know when he's beat. It's almost kinda sad th-" Several bangs distorted the rest of her sentence. Angel raised an eyebrow as she continued to mumble before he was able to hear a clear, "Hey, I gotta go. Some asshole just dropped a tub of acid. Catch you later!"
The line cut out not a moment later and Angel shrugged, hanging up as well.
Well at least one of them was having fun. Though from the looks of it, some of the Hightown folks were gearing up to have their own version of a turf war if the gatling gun being set up on the balcony of a massive mansion was any indication. Jesus, some of these rich folks had to be armed better than most countries.
He exhaled a plume of smoke and removed the cigarette, tapping the ash off to the side before sticking it back between his teeth. Pulling out the sheets from under his opposite arm, he reread the form title and pursed his lips. Alright, guess he had to go and do actual work (as shitty as that was) before things got too hectic to stick around. He didn't know what other kinds of toys these Overlords had at their disposal, but he wasn't looking to get in trouble (at least for today).
Angel lazily pushed off the lamp and made to walk to the front of the condominium, but before he could raise a hand to knock on the door, he was enveloped in a large shadow.
Then the sounds of people screaming began to fill the air.
He whipped around, the lit cigarette tumbling out of his mouth and onto the pavement as he caught sight of the massive airship passing between the tallest buildings that marked the entrance to Hightown. "What the fuck-?" he muttered as the blimp made its way into the district, clearly heading toward the square in the center of everything.
Closing his mouth, he stomped on the cigarette, crushing the stick under his heel before stepping out onto the sidewalk and snapping a picture of the ship with his phone. "HT rite now" he texted Cherri as he watched the ship deploy various guns and other weaponry along the underside of the hull.
Within seconds of being arranged, the ray guns spun on their axles and targeted the largest group of Demons in the street. More screams and yells filled the air as lasers cut the asphalt like a bread knife through cake. Angel ducked as one of the beams took out the street lamp next to him, sending the warped metal crashing down just a few inches from where his head had been. "Oh you gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me..."
Huffing irritably, he ran to the nearest shop with weapons on display and busted the window with his boot, dragging himself through the broken glass. Thankfully the shop keeper hadn't returned from their Extermination lockdown so he was able to swipe a tommy gun and a few magazines of ammunition before crawling back out the jagged window. By the time he emerged, a few bold eggs had parachuted from the blimp, all of them equally as stupid-looking as they were the last time he'd fought them…
But no less armed.
Angel gave a wistful sigh as he loaded up the first magazine. "Well, princess, I either take care of this asshole or you don't get your dumb papers." Hitching the weapon over his shoulder, he grinned and stepped out onto the street. "I ain't got no choice."
The first egg to approach him got two bullets through its mouth, yolk pouring from the holes until the little guy dropped his pistol to the ground, attempting to hold in its innards as they continued to spill onto the asphalt.
Angel snickered and tipped the egg over with his foot. "Man, he really doesn't make you guys built ta last, huh?" He grabbed the pistol and pocketed it, breaking out into a run to catch up with the ship which was slowly beginning to descend as it sailed toward the Hightown Square.
Other Demons were beginning to gather, some out of curiosity while others were armed heavily, but Angel shoved past them all the same, ignoring the yells and curses thrown his way as he pushed into the square. They didn't need an Overlord's army of big muscly security guards to take down Pentious, just someone who had a knack for getting under the stupid snake's skin.
Besides, why should he leave all the fun to these schmucks?
The ship landed with a dull hydraulic hiss and within seconds, a platform was ejected from the side. It broke through concrete as it made contact with the street and the ship's door slid open, unleashing what had to be hundreds of gun-toting eggs.
Angel grinned and cocked his gun, letting the other Demons waste their ammunition on the cannon fodder as he waited for the big snake himself to appear. But once the last group of eggs toddled off the ship (firing wildly into the crowd and smashing as many windows and cars as they could before they were splattered into eggy carcasses) the platform began to retract.
"Huh?" Angel frowned as the ship suddenly lurched up a foot, the platform still hanging out the side. Without thinking, he raced forward, shoving a man holding a goddamn grenade launcher (overkill much?) to the side as he leapt up onto the ramp, barely managing to duck inside the ship just before the door slammed closed behind him.
Immediately the blimp began to rise and Angel wobbled on his feet for a moment, trying to gain his footing as the engines roared below.
"Hey...you're not allowed in here."
Angel whipped around, catching sight of a group of eggs manning the ship's guns. He grinned, waving his tommy while drawing the pilfered pistol from his pocket. "Ya got that right lil' fella. Now how 'bout you tell me where that idiot boss of yours is?"
"Call me whatever crude names you like, but I'm clearly a great deal more intelligent than you are."
Angel snickered as he felt the barrel of a gun press between his top set of shoulder blades. "Hey banana slug. Long time no see." He turned to face Pentious, licking his lips as the ray gun pressed into his breast. "Ya miss me?"
Pent's red eyes went wide with recognition as his top hat glared down at Angel. "You," he spat, shoving the barrel deep into the white fur. "Hightown is no place for a lowly little dollymop."
"Yeah, well...had some business and was in the neighborhood." Angel shrugged, waving his tommy carelessly while his opposite hand tapped the barrel of Pentious' raygun with the rim of his own pistol. "The usual schtick." He mimed jerking off with his two lower hands and added, "Surprised you ain't dukin' it out with Cherri for the good ol' cornerblocks."
Pent snarled, his hood expanding as he reared up to expose his yellow fangs. "I'm surprised you've survived another Extermination. The Exorcists really must be losing their touch. They've failed to take the trash out twice now." He grinned as Angel's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "I suppose I'll have the pleasure of doing so myself."
His clawed finger tightened around the trigger but before either of them could react, the ship jolted to the right side and sent them both stumbling to catch their balance. Pentious snarled, grabbing his hat before it fell from atop his head as he righted himself. "Can't you buffoons fly straight!?" he snapped, leaning against a console as Angel grabbed onto a chair bolted to the floor.
"Sir, we're taking heavy fire!"
Turning to face the massive windshield, Angel saw the shadow and flash of the gatling gun that had been set up on the roofs not even half an hour earlier. He grinned at Pent and let out a mocking bark of a laugh. "Man, your dinky lil' balloon can't even handle a few mosquito bites from that? Tell me, has anythin' you've ever built actually worked?"
Pentious growled and lifted his weapon towards Angel, only to miss as the Spider released the chair and leapt to the side, rolling down the steep angle of the floor. The shot blasted through the chair instead, sending chunks of warped metal flying.
Immediately the eggs erupted into chaos, attempting to steer the ship out of range of the bullet storm and avoid taking hits as Angel and Pent began to exchange shots, bullets ricocheting off metal panes while lasers blasted through the windshield glass and blew console equipment to pieces.
In the middle of it all, there was a massive boom that rocked the side of the ship, sending more eggs to splatter into the opposite wall. One of the survivors who was holding onto a series of frayed wires desperately called out, "Boss, they've got grenades!"
"Then take us higher!" Pent snapped, sliding behind a damaged circuit cabinet as Angel kicked an egg clean through the face, his boot poking through the other side of the shell while yolk dribbled to the floor. "We need altitude!"
"Yes, sir!" The remaining eggs quickly scuttled to their positions and revved the engines. Angel winced as he felt the pressure inside the cabin drastically increase, his legs shaking as the floor vibrated beneath him.
They'd hardly risen more than a few hundred feet before a loud bang cut through the chaos and the ship began to lean once again to the side, tipping this time in the opposite direction. "What the fuck was that!?" Angel growled, his feet scrambling to keep him upright while three of his arms grabbed an exposed pipe, holding his tommy gun close as the pistol clattered to the floor.
"Engine two is down," an egg confirmed, gripping its desk for dear life. "Boss, we need to descend!"
Pentious snarled and wrapped his tail around what remained of a command console as the ship continued to tip. "Keep us airborne!"
"But-!"
Another blast hit the ship and the pipe Angel was holding onto snapped, sending him falling across the vertical room and slamming into Pent. "Argh! Unhand me!" the snake hissed, dropping his weapon to grapple with Angel, trying to shove him off all the while the blimp continued to roll and slowly descend back to the ground below.
"Not until you land this flyin' junk heap!" Angel growled, pinning the snake's arms down with one pair of hands as he pressed the barrel of the tommy gun under his chin with the other. "Get us back on the fuckin' ground, now!"
Pentious' eye twitched as a second lurch had them sliding off the console and back onto the ground in a tangled heap. Slowly the ship began to right itself as the eggs managed to level the vehicle, but despite the desperate grind of the engines below them, the blimp continued to fall.
Glaring hatefully at Angel, Pent ordered, "Do not stop this ship."
In response, Angel gritted his teeth into an angry smile as he muttered, "You really are a goddamn Edgelord," and bashed the side of Pent's face with his weapon, not giving him a moment to recover before he aimed the gun squarely between the snake's eyes.
Without warning, Pentious' thick tail spiraled around Angel's abdomen, squeezing hard enough to press all the air out of his lungs. He let out a hoarse gasp and hurried to fire, only for the weapon to be grabbed by the snake who was now bleeding from a cut across his nose.
They wrestled with the tommy gun, arms shaking as they both fought for the deadliest angle. All the while, Pentious' tail kept the spider in his constrictive grip and Angel's extra hands scratched and clawed at the thick black scales.
"Boss!" the eggs begged as the ship began to fall even faster. "We need you at the helm!"
"Can't you see I'm busy!?" Pent growled, digging his claws into the grooves of the weapon, unhitching the magazine from the body and frantically tossing it away. Angel hissed and then leaned in, biting down on the other Demon's fingers until he shrieked and let go of the magazine guide.
The eggs began to scream, running behind whatever cover they could take. "Brace!"
Angel had no time to react as the ship impacted the side of a building, the sheer force of the landing knocking him and Pentious clean through the cockpit window. He felt no pain at first, only the brief sensation of flying which disappeared as quickly as it came when gravity sent them crashing back to the ground.
The two of them collided ontop of a stone balcony, shattering a set of double french doors and sending glass spilling across an expensive rug in a cascade of splintered shards. They rolled a few feet, finally coming to rest at the foot of a massive king sized bed in a pile of wood, glass, and dust.
After a few moments the pain finally hit, radiating through his body in pulsing waves that made all his limbs ache. Angel groaned and opened his eyes, feeling a few choice pieces of glass sticking to his back as he slowly lifted his head from the carpet. "Shit…" he muttered, wincing as he pushed himself up to sit and drew his long legs into his chest. "Goddamn, that fuckin' hurts." He plucked a sharp fragment from his upper thigh, wincing at the blood that trailed down the jagged edge.
"Uh...who the fuck are you?"
Angel slowly turned his head, wincing at the throbbing pain that followed. His vision slowly came back into focus and he caught sight of a red Imp sitting up on the huge mattress in nothing more than a pair of black boxer briefs and...fishnets? "I could say the same thing to you, shorty." Angel grabbed the bedframe and slowly hoisted himself to stand, hissing as pain lanced down his lower back.
"No, but seriously. Who are you?" the Imp asked with a raised brow as he looked Angel up and down. They both flinched at the sound of a low moan and the Imp peered over the side of the bed, holding onto the frame with both hands as Sir Pentious slowly twisted against the floor, his face screwed tight in pain. "Oh shit, there's two of you!"
At the Imp's outburst, Pentious' eyes snapped open and he glared at Angel, attempting to push himself up to sit, but shuddering instead as a shock of pure nerve-wrenching pain ran through him. Reaching down, he touched over his side, claws coming back bloody from a sharp gash that ran along his hip. "You little whor-"
Before he could finish, the room around them began to shake and what was left of the french doors was smashed through. The three of them turned to watch as the remaining eggboiz leapt into the room with weapons drawn, all of their shells partially cracked and leaking. "We're here to save you, boss!" the leader announced, swinging his arm up with his index finger pointed to Angel. "Smoke bomb out!"
Pentious' eyes went wide with horror as one of the other eggs lifted up a large projectile covered in what looked like yellow nodes. "No! That's not the smoke bomb you vazey-!"
The eggs lobbed the bomb and Pent immediately ducked, covering his eyes. Angel quickly did the same, trying to make himself a smaller target. There was a loud shattering sound as the device collided with the hard floor and then he felt a dozen bee stings piercing his exposed skin in a flurry of burning pin-pricks.
The room was quiet for a moment, only broken by one of the eggs murmuring, "Oh, I don't think that was the right one, #25. Where's all the smoke?"
Angel twitched, slowly opening his eyes to see dozens of yellow spikes sticking out of both him and Pent like porcupines (in addition to the surrounding furniture and walls). "The fuck is this?" he growled, glaring down at the snake as the burning sensation slowly began to spread across his entire body, overriding the sharp aches and pains that already lanced through him.
"Paralysis...bolts," Pentious groaned as the Imp peeked out at them from behind a pillow he'd used to shield himself from the stingers. "Bugger me…"
Before he could respond, Angel felt his legs begin to quake and then give out from underneath him without warning. He landed hard on his knees, back sliding down against the wooden bed frame as his fingers twitched in his lap. "You gotta be fuckin' kidding!" he growled, trying to lift even one of his arms to no avail. He shot a glare to the downed snake and then to the eggs who were quietly retreating to the corner of the stone balcony.
"Don't just stand there! Get over here and help me finish him!" Pent shrieked at them, the very tip of his tail giving a frustrated waggle.
Snorting, the red Imp leapt off the bed, carefully sidestepping the shards of glass to look them both over with large curious eyes. He smirked and tilted his head in amusement. "Well damn, looks like you both are pretty fucked. When Stolas gets back and sees this mess-"
"When I see what, Blitzy?"
The Imp (Blitzy?) froze, his smile becoming strained as he slowly turned to the massive floor to ceiling double doors behind him. Angel couldn't move his head but he heard the distinct click of talons on tile before the steps were muffled by carpet. The Imp gave a nervous chuckle and stepped back, allowing a tall elegant owl dressed in a loose red robe that barely clung to his shoulders to tread between them. "Surprise! We have some visitors!" The Imp leaned down to Angel's level. "The fuck are your names?" he hissed behind his hand, nudging Angel's thigh pointedly with his foot.
The owl raised an eyebrow, his pupiless eyes flickering from the damage to the balcony and then the furniture before finally settling on Pentious and Angel both twitching on the floor. A small smirk crossed his elegant features even as his long tail flapped, betraying his annoyance. "While I thoroughly enjoy the rare surprise of unexpected guests, there is a limit to even my hospitality-" he began, his tone sour as he flexed the talons of his right hand, "-and I'm afraid that my schedule for this evening is already booked through."
"Don't hurt the bossman!"
Everyone looked back to the balcony, seeing the troupe of eggs holding what looked like a ridiculously oversized bazooka, their tiny arms shaking as they stared up at the intimidatingly tall Demon.
Quirking an eyebrow, the owl chuckled and shifted to pick up a large book from atop the nightstand. "How cute. Are these yours?" he asked, turning back to Pent as he flipped through the pages idly. "If you don't want them scrambled, best tell them to stand down."
Pentious gave a low hiss and then growled, "Forfeiture is a coward's play!" The eggs nodded, though their expressions grew no braver as they aimed the weapon at the owl's head.
"Well, no one can say that I didn't warn you. Though I do admit your tenacity is quite fetching, if misguided." The owl raised his right hand as he stared at the book, his talons turning from coal black to ember red in an instant. The bazooka hit the floor with a loud clatter as the three eggs exploded, their yolk splattering out across the stone railing.
Turning back to Angel and Pent (who was now looking a touch pale), the owl playfully tapped the brim of Pentious' hat, flipping it off his head and onto the floor before snapping the book closed. "Now, what shall we do with our two intruders?"
He leaned down to meet Angel's eye level, humming to himself as he took in just how helpless they both were. Angel breathed a sigh and met the other man's pupiless stare. "Look, if you're gonna do us in, just get it over with, capice? Least then I don't gotta sit around waitin' for this fuckin' bullshit poison to wear off."
The owl chuckled and then paused, pursing his beak in confusion. "Wait...you seem familiar." He leaned in closer and looked Angel up and down, his expression quickly morphing into recognition and finally wide-mouthed excitement. "I know you!" he said, practically bouncing on his clawed heels with the large book clasped between both hands.
"You do?" the Imp asked, looking up at the other Demon skeptically before glancing back to Angel with a raised eyebrow. "Then who the hell is he? Or she? I can't tell with these fucking androgynous types."
"Blitzy," the owl said, gesturing reverently with the tome. "This man is Angel Dust."
A long pause. "...Who?"
The owl gave a dramatic huff and flapped his tail in irritation, setting the massive book back onto the stand. "Why, one of my favorite actors, of course." He batted his eyes at Angel and smiled, taking one of the spider's limp hands into his own and shaking it firmly. "I absolutely adore your work."
"Ok, porn. Got it," the Imp circled around them both and nudged Pentious' tail. "This one too?"
"Excuse you, I am no cheesy strumpet!" Pentious snapped from the floor, his cheek scraping against the carpet. "I'm Sir Pentious and you will respect me as a-" The Imp kicked him hard in the abdomen, causing him to grunt and shudder even through the paralysis. "What the hell was that for!?" he wheezed, taking several strained breaths.
The Imp shrugged dismissively and then looked back to the owl, his pointed tail sweeping the carpet. "So what should we do with them? The Missus won't be happy about all the property damage-" he snickered. "But that's your problem, Stolas."
The owl (Stolas, apparently) just laughed and shook his head. "The room will be cleaned up with a touch of remodeling. Though I will be sad to lose this bed." He turned to waggle his eyebrows salaciously at the Imp, reaching to scratch under his chin with far more affection than was necessary. "We've made sooo many memories here, haven't we?"
Heaving a sigh, Angel rolled his eyes. "If you two are done flirtin', can ya get me off the floor? I can't move my goddamn arms and I'm sittin' on glass." He tried to shift, but only succeeded in tipping his torso forward into Pentious' tail. His chin landed on the snake's bloody hipbone with a hard thud and he grunted, screwing his eyes shut as the impact rattled his jaw. "Well, this is fuckin' great."
"Get off of me!" Pent hissed, trying futilely to twist out from underneath Angel, smearing blood all over Angel's neck.
"Uh, last time I checked, I'm just as stiff as you are right now, busta." Angel scowled and blew a puff of hot air across the bloody scales, glaring up at the Imp. "Some help would be appreciated any time, assholes."
Stolas tsked, eying the yellow darts. "Let's get these out of you both first. No doubt they're the source of the toxin." He yanked the first one from Pentious' chest and smiled as the snake gave a shudder. "Oh, did that hurt?" he asked, tilting his head in a manner that could only be interpreted as mockingly. "Good. Proper payback for destroying my wife's garden, my room, and ruining our quiet night in."
"Ooh! Let me try that!" the Imp said, kneeling down to rip another dart from the snake's flesh and laughing as Pent gave a pained moan.
As he waited for his turn, Angel let his eyes wander over the mostly destroyed room, catching sight of a few pieces of well-used BDSM gear haphazardly strewn across the nightstand next to the ancient looking book. "Sounds like my kinda night, except they're anythin' but quiet," he said, watching the Imp remove the rest of the spikes from the snake as the owl looked over him fondly.
Once they moved to him, Angel closed his eyes and braced himself, flinching as each sharp stick was plucked from his skin, leaving a bloody imprint behind in his fur and a sharp stinging sensation that quickly grew into a dull ache.
When the last one was removed, Angel heard something vibrating. "Shit, you leave a toy on?" he asked as the owl leaned over them to reach across the bed.
"Ah, no…" Stolas smiled as he straightened up and shook his ringing hellphone at them both. "It's Via," he said, turning back to the Imp and sighing. "She's probably ready for a pick up now that the Extermination is over…"
Glancing back to Angel and Pent, he waved his talons and said, "Blitzo dear, can you keep an eye on them for one moment while I take this call?" Without waiting for a confirmation, Stolas lifted the phone to the side of his face and left the room, closing the door behind him with a clean snap.
Frowning, Blitzo turned to them both and let his clawed hands rest on his hips. "Well Stolas might be your number one fanboy, but I don't trust either of your ugly mugs." He leaned over and playfully pinched Pentious' cheek. "Also it's fun when you're mad." He gave the snake a wide toothy grin as Pent bared his fangs and glared, helpless to do anything more than spit.
Angel snorted, ignoring Pentious' sudden death glower to watch the Imp as he crossed the room and opened a massive walk-in closet. His eyes went wide and he let out a low wolf-whistle as they were greeted to a wall of toys. "Holy shit, that's a lot of whips!"
Blitzo gave a barking laugh. "That's not even the half of it," he said, pulling out the drawers of a dresser and knocking aside a startling number of ropes and other forms of restraint. "So how long does that paralyzing stuff last, snake guy?"
"I have a name," Pent growled, giving a frustrated twitch as he stared at the opposite wall, unable to see the Imp from his current angle.
"Do I look like I care?"
Angel snickered at the sight of Pent's look of wide-eyed indignation as the snake snapped, "I beg your pardon!? How dare you!"
Blitzo just smiled as he walked back over and hunched down in front of them, holding a set of metallic blue handcuffs between his thumbs to stretch out the long chain. "Fuck, you must be fun at parties. Now let's see…" He grabbed one of Pentious' wrists, locking it into the first cuff while the snake continued to sputter and then looked to Angel, frowning as he lifted up his top left wrist. "Just how many arms do you have?"
"The right amount," Angel said flatly, rolling his eyes as the Imp took his hand and snapped it into the opposite shackle. "If you gotta handcuff me to a guy, could ya at least pick someone hot?"
Pent huffed and scowled up at Angel before the Imp shifted both of their limp forms to rest hip to hip, propped up by the edge of the bed frame. "Is this supposed to burn?" the snake growled, glancing pointedly to the cuff on his arm.
"Huh? I don't fucking know. It's all Stolas' stuff in there." Blitzo shrugged. "If you couldn't already tell, he's into some weird kinky crap. I just go along with most of it." Hopping onto the bed, he rolled onto his stomach and pulled out his own phone, kicking his legs back and forth as he texted.
Pent bit his lip, still staring down at the cuff suspiciously. Angel furrowed his brow as well, now beginning to feel the creeping sensation of heat against his wrist. It wasn't a sharp or searing pain, more like a static cling that fell just barely on the side of discomfort. "Eh, I've dealt with ropes worse than this shit." He looked to Pent, waggling his eyebrows. "Besides, I thought you were into bondage and chains. Seemed pretty eager to use them on me last time we went at it."
Face flushing, the snake gave a low growl. "Not everyone is as perverted as you are," he said as he flexed his fingers in his lap. Angel blinked and then attempted to shift his foot, succeeding in moving it a few inches. At least this shit was finally wearing off.
Before Angel could get another jab in, the door opened and Stolas reemerged, his phone held loosely in his talons. "Well, Blitzy, it seems as though our date-night will have to be postponed." His eyes fell onto Pentious and Angel and he blinked curiously. "Why did you restrain them?"
Blitzo didn't even glance up from his phone. "Because they fucking broke in, trashed the place, and are probably gonna go right back to beating the shit out of each other as soon as they get their mobility back?" He shrugged, tapping away at his game. "I cuffed them to be safe."
Stolas furrowed his brow. "Which cuffs did you use?" He stepped forward and leaned down, lifting Angel's arm up for inspection. Immediately his eyes went wide and he gave an awkward cough. "Blitzy, where did you find these?"
"In a box? I don't know, I just grabbed the first set I found. Woulda used rope, but I didn't feel like tying a million knots." Blitzo leaned his head over the side of the bed, the curve of his horns slightly tangled in the sheets. "I mean, you do see just how many arms this asshole has, right? That's way too much work." In response, Stolas pressed his mouth into a firm line and closed his eyes, bringing his hand up to massage the bridge of his beak. Blitzo blinked and rolled back up to sit as the owl took a deep breath. "Stol-"
Stolas leaned down and cupped the Imp's face in both hands, digging his clawed fingers in just enough to be threatening. "Blitzy," He began slowly. "It's a very good thing you are as cute as a button." Smiling, he pressed a kiss to the Imp's nose. "...because I would otherwise rip you to shreds."
Giving a tired sigh, he released Blitzo before looking down to Pentious and Angel. "Well now, we're in a little bit of a pickle, aren't we?" Stolas muttered, scratching the back of his neck as Blitzo silently slid off the bed and onto the floor.
"The fuck does that mean?" Angel hissed, managing to raise his arm a bit before it flopped back onto his lap. "Are these things cursed or somethin'?"
Pentious furrowed his brow, slowly dragging his arm and Angel's closer to inspect the cuff. His face quickly turned ashy as he stared at the offending metal. "Oh no...is this Heaven's Steel?" he asked in a slightly raspy tone.
"I'm afraid so."
The snake slammed his arm back down to his lap. "Where is the key? You have to get us out!" Pent squawked, jangling the chain against his tail as Angel just stared at them both in confusion.
"Uh, either of you fellas gonna let me in on what's goin' on?" he asked as Stolas gave an awkward smile.
"I misplaced the key for this particular set a while ago. I've been meaning to commission a new one, but my supplier hasn't been able to acquire the necessary pieces yet," he admitted with a laugh, twirling the talons of his left hand idly. "I hid those away on purpose, but Blitzo-" His eyes shifted to the Imp who now was attempting to get dressed discreetly from behind the bed, "-found them anyway."
Angel frowned and looked to Pent. "Heaven's Steel is the shit that Exorcists gore people with, right?" he asked, shifting his arm and shaking the chain of the cuffs. "So what's the big deal? Let's take an axe to these things and we'll pay you back for the toy."
Pentious groaned and rolled his eyes. "You truly are a brainless set of kettle drums, aren't you?" At Angel's blank stare, he added, "Heaven's Steel is nigh unbreakable in its solid state and requires an enormous amount of heat and pressure to melt down to liquid metal." He turned to look back up to Stolas. "What locking mechanism did you use? Without a key, we'll need to pick the cuffs."
"Well, that is part of the problem." Stolas lifted Angel's wrist, flipping his hand to lay palm up and expose the seamless slab of metal. "The lock wasn't a physical key so much as an enchanted steel charm. Shaping the metal is so difficult that to make such a small object with such precision-"
Pentious let out a frustrated snarl, raising and slapping the lower half of his tail on the floor. "You managed to acquire this much steel-" He shook the chain pointedly. "-And not only do you waste it on a sex toy, but you fall short of even creating a fail-safe mechanism in your own restraints!?"
Stolas gave an awkward chuckle, his smile weakening as Pentious's eyes pierced into him accusingly. "Well…"
"He kinda has a point, y'know…"
Everyone turned to see Blitzo, now fully dressed and inching toward the exit. Stolas frowned and snapped his fingers, pointing to the carpet next to him, but instead the Imp gave a guilty smile and then zipped out the door. "SORRRRRRRY," he wailed as he slammed it closed behind him.
Pinching his brow, Stolas looked between the two of them and sighed. "In any case, I'll see if I can get a new key requisitioned."
"How long will that take?" Pent asked, teeth bared as his tail gave an irritated wag across the carpet.
"That depends. How much are you willing to pay for the needed materials?" Stolas asked, tapping his chin thoughtfully before he crossed his arms over his chest.
Angel barked out a laugh, tipping his head back. "Us pay for this shit? We didn't fuckin' lock ourselves into your toy, busta." He managed to kick one leg out, crossing it over the other. "I ain't footin' the bill."
"Considering you both broke into my home and destroyed my room, paying for the key is the least I should demand of you," Stolas said, walking over to a small cabinet on the opposite side of the bed and pulling out a crystal tumbler of scotch. "I could have you both drawn and quartered if you want to be separated so badly."
He placed a matching glass on the nightstand and removed the stopper, pouring a generous amount of brown liquid into the it as he asked, "How do you feel about losing your arms?"
"If one of us is losing an arm, it's going to be someone with plenty of limbs to spare," Pentious spat, shooting Angel a withering stare.
Angel snarled, exposing his teeth. "Fuck no! This is all your fault anyway."
"Oh, how is it my fault when you blew up my airship? Please do tell," Pent said sarcastically, loosely flapping his arm and wincing. "Ugh, pins and needles!"
"Ladies, there's no need to fight. You are both very pretty," Stolas interrupted, swirling his drink and taking a pointed sip as he stepped out in front of them again. "Now, I gave you my two offers." He held up a pair of talons, scissoring the fingers back and forth. "You pay for the materials needed to forge a key...or we cut the problem off at the source." He dropped his free hand to the front robe pocket and pulled out his phone. "And do hurry up. I need to pick up my daughter soon."
Angel groaned and sank back against the bed frame as he tilted his head up to stare at the ceiling. Well this entire situation was thoroughly fucked. They barely had two feet of chain between them and who knew how much money this goddamn key was gonna cost. "Pretty sure we can rule out any bodily harm, fellas…" He glanced to Pent and raised his wrist, staring at the blue chain as it caught the light. "So let's get the stupid key made."
Pentious chewed his tongue and then nodded, his face tight as he lifted his chin. "How much will it cost?"
Tapping a talon against the side of the scotch glass, Stolas smiled and said, "Quite a hefty sum. Very few in the Pentagram have access to Heaven's Steel, nevermind the ability to work it."
"I can forge the key," Pent said, making Stolas raise an eyebrow in curiosity. "Just tell me how much we require and the type of enchantment that will free us." He cracked his neck and gave a sigh of relief, rolling his shoulders back.
"I can give you the manufacturer's card. She'll still have the blueprints on hand," Stolas said, turning to the walk-in closet and pulling out a small intricate box. Lifting a scrap of paper out from the bottom of the basin, he offered it to Pentious who took it in still-shaking fingers. "I expect the cuffs to be returned to me in addition to the new key afterwards." He paused and then walked over to a small writing desk, taking out a pen and jotting down a series of numbers on a notepad, ripping the sheet off and folding it. "My contact information, so you know how to reach me."
The snake pursed his lips and nodded, slipping both papers into the pocket of his jacket before shifting to try and stand, using the bed to hoist himself up. Angel winced as his arm was dragged and he braced himself against the frame, straightening his wobbly legs as best he could to stand too.
Once he was upright, Pent grimaced and then leaned over to scoop his hat off the floor. The sudden motion yanked Angel forward and off-balance where he collided with Pentious' back, sending them both toppling down to the floor again. "Argh! Get off of me this instant."
"You're the one who yanked the stupid chain, genius." Angel shifted, pushing off of Pentious' thick tail as he fought the urge to shove the other man (no doubt sending them right back to the floor in the process). "Maybe next time give me some goddamn warnin' before you bend over and drag me with you."
Standing back up, Pent glowered at Angel and then jingled the metal links between them. "At least we're both of a height. We won't lose what little slack we have to short stature." He dropped his arm back down and then turned to the balcony, slithering towards it and forcing Angel to follow, his legs slowly growing reaccustomed to movement.
The garden below was an absolute wreck as was the airship that had destroyed it. Pentious groaned and shook his head in disbelief and rage. "You owe me a ship," he hissed, pulling his phone out from inside of his jacket as well as the paper with Stolas' phone number, adding it to his list of contacts.
"I'm calling a tow-company to take your vehicle," Stolas said from behind them as he sipped his scotch. "You can pick it up at your leisure. Though I suggest you make haste. They charge by the day."
Pent scowled, but didn't argue as he gripped the railing with both hands, digging his claws into the stone. "And how exactly are we to get home?"
Stolas chuckled. "However you like. It's hardly my problem if you're stranded, but you are both no longer welcome in my house." His eyes grew sultry as they flickered to Angel and he gave a wistful sigh. "Well, for now at any rate. I can't say I would turn down a future visit."
Angel just laughed and winked at the owl. "Sure, four-eyes. We can have some fun with your closet of goodies when I ain't chained to this asshat anymore." He then turned to Pent and grabbed hold of the chain, giving it a firm yank to get his attention. "Come on. We're callin' a cab. You can cry over your stupid balloon later."
"It's not a balloon!"
Angel just rolled his eyes and checked his pockets, making sure he hadn't lost anything important in the tussle before he headed to the door. Each step was slightly painful, though it was still muted thanks to the numbing agent in the poison. "Where's the exit to this place?" he asked, opening the door as Stolas slipped out of his robe, completely unashamed in his nudity.
"Down the hall to the left, then take the next right and go down the stairs. You can't miss it," Stolas said, opening the door to a bathroom that had to be the same size as most city apartments. The owl glanced over his shoulder and smiled at them both even while Pent blushed and bodily turned away to avoid staring. "I look forward to getting those back."
Angel jangled the chain and shrugged. They looked like any old pair of cuffs to him, but the strange tingling sensation hadn't once subsided the entire time so clearly there was something to this weird metal. "An' I'll be more than happy to return 'em to ya once they're off." He jerked the chain again and stepped through the door. "Alright then, snake. Let's get this show on the road."
Pentious crossed his arms over his chest, following alongside Angel as the slack dangled between them. The hallway was just as ornately decorated as the bedroom, filled with various portraits of other avian Demons in fancy clothes, along with intricate statues carved from marble. Angel gave a low whistle, tucking his lower set of arms behind his back. "Damn, these Hightown types really know how to blow a load, huh?"
"Ugh, must you say it like that?" Pent groused, making a face as they rounded the corner and went down a shorter hall that opened up to a massive grand staircase.
Angel sighed. "Don't get your panties in a twist, pal. If we're gonna be stuck like this for who knows how long, you might as well get used to it." He flashed the other man a grin, enjoying the look of open disgust on the snake's face. "Actually, you're not even wearing pants are ya?" He let his eyes slowly slide down to Pentious' exposed tail, purposefully running his tongue over his teeth. "Naked from the waist down in public? Damn, you're kinkier than I thought."
Rolling his eyes, Pent lifted his chin. "I refuse to fall prey to your mediocre bait. It's obviously impractical for me to wear any form of inexpressibles."
"So where's your dick then?"
Pentious choked, his cheeks burning as Angel burst into peals of laughter. "That is none of your goddamn business!" he said, balling his hands into fists and squaring his shoulders.
"Hey, can't blame a guy for bein' curious." Angel shrugged with both sets of arms and added, "Sides, you're hardly the only fella walkin' around this dump with a switchblade."
Tilting his head, Pent raised an eyebrow. "A switchblade? I carry no such weapon."
Angel sighed, shaking his head as he began to descend the stairs. "Your dick pops out, right?" He imitated the motion with his uncuffed hand and then grinned at the other man expectantly.
When Pentious went uncharacteristically quiet, Angel snorted, his snickers slowly growing louder as the snake angrily attempted to shush him. "Oh calm down. Like anyone gives a shit."
"I give a shit!" Pent hissed, twisting to cut Angel off in the middle of the staircase, his red eyes burning with a mixture of anger and genuine embarrassment. It almost made Angel feel a little guilty for poking him so hard, but fuck it was fun to get him riled up. "I don't need anyone knowing intimate details about my person! Least of all you."
The snake's expression fell and he averted his eyes, hands drifting down to his sides in a way that made him look more pathetic than Angel had ever seen him.
Of course, Angel continued to cackle long after the joke lost its luster just to spite the snake, but Pentious' ire had completely faded into quiet contemplation. Finally Angel fell silent too, feeling a little awkward now that the other Demon wasn't staring daggers into him. "Uh…"
Pent took a breath and shook his head. "This is getting us nowhere," he said as his eyes fell to the metal cable connecting them. "Let's call a truce in the name of getting us both out of this horrible predicament as quickly and painlessly as possible."
He offered his unbound hand, claws extended (but for once not in threat). "Can you agree to these terms?" the snake asked, his expression tired and filled with resignation.
Glancing down at the extended fingers, Angel clicked his tongue and crossed both sets of arms, leaning back away from Pent. "So then you're gonna play nice too?" he asked, pursing his lips.
Pentious nodded, his top hat mimicking the motion with a slight tilt of its brim. "Yes. I will not antagonize you if you grant me the same courtesy." He sighed and raised his hand again. "So what do you say? Is it a deal?"
Normally deals with other Demons had Angel on edge. Even non-Overlords could extend a great deal of power through small promises and offers. This one seemed innocent enough, but Angel had learned long ago to be pickier with contracts and never assume the best intentions.
Though the snake wasn't exactly wrong. As long as they were chained, they would be locked at the hip and constantly baiting one another wasn't going to get them any freer.
Sighing, Angel lifted his own hand and clasped it in Pentious'. "Yeah, yeah...Guess we'll get back to our normal schtick faster if we're not at each other's throats the whole damn time. Can't promise to hold back once we're free though."
Pentious rolled his eyes and squeezed Angel's palm, giving two firm shakes before releasing it. "Fair enough. Now let's go home."
With that, he turned back to descend the stairs, stopping only when the slack pulled taut and he realized that Angel wasn't following him.
Angel stood, frozen on the steps as he stared at Pent and said, "Uhhh, which home?"
They both fell silent, staring at each other blankly until Pent finally reached up with his free arm, dragging his claws loosely down the side of his cheek.
"Oh bull…"
Please comment?
Beta assistance by SirDust & DerpingLina