Shoutout to DriftFightzForAnarchy and SahriahTheBard, thank you both for leaving a comment!

His body might not agree, but Technoblade was more than ready to leave the room he'd been stuck in ever since coming home.

He never considered himself to be the claustrophobic type, not before all of this happened at least. But there was something about staying still and staring at the same four walls day in and day out that made his skin crawl. There was something about not being able to get up, get out, walk around, feel the sun on his skin, go wherever he wanted to go, that was driving him insane. So no matter how much it hurt, he decided he'd had enough.

The cane helped. Not enough, but some. The chances of him screwing up his leg even further by refusing to give it enough time to heal were high, but Techno figured that would be a problem for future him to deal with. He'd already realized it would never return to normal again.

He would keep the limp, probably the cane too.

(And then everybody would be able to tell from a glance that his master had been right. He had become damaged goods)

Steve watched him hobble his way over to the ladder. If bears had eyebrows to raise in quizzical wonder, that would probably be his expression at the moment. Even Chat reared its ugly head again just to express their dubiosity at his current undertaking. They had become so quiet – either that or he had become too used to cutting them out for his own sake – but Techno wouldn't say he hated having them back. It was almost like the return of an old friend, the familiarity in itself a comfort.

"Relax," he said out loud, either to Steve, Chat or himself. "I've got this. One measly ladder. It's easy."

It should be easy.

Tucking the cane under one arm, he sat down on the floor and allowed his legs to dangle through the gap made by the open hatch. The drop wasn't particularly deep, but still. Carefully, he grabbed the rungs to starts climbing down. His leg protested when this task forced it to stretch and bend repeatedly, his knee feeling as if it was grinding to pieces all over again. Biting into his own lip to subdue a cry of pain, Technoblade kept going.

It wasn't until the second to last rung that the limb completely failed him.

The muscle spasmed unexpectedly, making Techno's hoof slide off the step where he was trying to put it down. It slammed into the bottom rung instead which sent the sharp jab up his legs and he let go, falling onto his back on the floor. For a moment he stayed there half curled up in agony and not trying to scream out of frustration. How could his body fail him bad enough he couldn't even get down a ladder?

Then he opened his eyes, looked up at Steve staring at him through the gap. For a polar bear, he looked very judgmental.

Techno clicked his tongue. "See? First try."

After pushing up, he used the fallen cane to stand, only hissing slightly at how much his leg and side still hurt. Techno swept the hair out off his face. It was too short to braid – too short to be his – which meant it kept getting into his eyes. Another part of himself he was starting to hate.

With the cane to support him, he went outside. The cold hit him hard, it had been too long since he'd walked around in the open air. But that was what made it good too. He inhaled sharply the crisp tundra breeze and allowed it to ground him, soak into his skin. The wooden planks between the two houses were wet with partly melted snow, creaking beneath his weight as he went over to the railing.

Niki was there leaning against it, pulling the fabric of her cape tighter around her shoulders to protect herself from the stinging of the wind. She had put her hair up in a bun, but several strands had come loose to fall erratically around her face.

"You're still here?" Technoblade said, going to stand beside her.

With a small jump, she pulled from her thoughts, offering him a smile as soon as she was able to. "Phil is making me stay for dinner. He was quite persistent about it."

"Hm, not surprised."

Her laugh was light, a little strained. "Yeah, I figured he's just like that."

They stood in silence for a moment longer and while Technoblade wanted to enjoy it, he couldn't shake his thoughts. When he exhaled, his breathing was visible. He didn't know how long they'd have this privacy.

Technoblade wasn't one to beat around the bush anyway. "Did they tell you?"

"They did." Niki turned to look at him properly. "They said you wouldn't mind me knowing, not if I'm going to be part of your group and stuff."

"Syndicate," Techno corrected her lightly. "It has a different ring to it. And I don't mind."

There was nothing to mind, he thought. Somebody had tried to kill him. That was a regular Monday for him at this point.

(Chat disagreed, but they had always loved being contrary)

"Do you want to talk about it?" Niki asked. He might have looked openly confused at this point since she struggled to explain herself better. "I mean, if you do want to talk about it I'm here. I can listen."

There was only sincerity in her eyes. Techno used to see Wilbur in them, the same ambitious optimism that dwelled in them both. He knew better now, Niki was not the coward Wilbur had turned out to be. She hadn't been turned away by self-serving idealism like him.

"There's nothing to talk about," he still answered, avoiding her gaze.

"A good friend of mine told me talking helps even if you don't know what to say." Niki shook her head. "Whatever that means. She's smart though, so I'll take her word for it. Haven't tried it myself."

Techno snorted. "Why not?"

"I don't think I'd find anybody who would bother to hear me out, really."

"I would," he told her, leaning a bit more heavily on the cane when the cold made his leg cramp up.

Niki nodded. "I might take you up on that offer sometime too."

The silence returned, comfortable and weighty, and stayed unbroken until Phil called for them to come back inside.

"I'm going out for a walk," Technoblade said, using the cane to support himself as he stood up.

Phil put the pen down he'd been writing with. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" An impassive stare was all the answer he got and the avian shrugged, changing tactics. "Want me to come with?"

"I think I'd rather be alone, actually."

A small moment of hurt flitted across Phil's face, barely noticeable if you didn't know what to look for but Techno did. And he couldn't shake the pang of guilt in his heart, the vicious feeling that he had been too fierce in his words, too obvious in his actions.

Which was stupid because he often went out for walks, sometimes by himself and sometimes with Phil there to keep him company. It depended on either of their moods, and it never had been a problem before if Techno wished for solitude.

(Except now it felt selfish of him. Now he was being difficult and obstinate and bad and Techno shouldn't wish for anything anymore)

"Yeah, of course mate. I'll probably head to bed soon." Phil gestured at his near-empty cup of lavender tea, a proven nighttime ritual for him.

"I won't take long," Techno promised, not looking back when he pulled the door closed behind him.

And then he was by himself, outside. He didn't pick a specific direction, rather wandering aimlessly towards the tree line. He wouldn't go far, it wasn't that dark out yet, he had his sword. There wasn't any reason for him not to be out here.

The hounds yipped excitedly when he passed the doghouse. Techno stopped to reach over the fence and pet some of the furry heads that popped up. Maybe it was silly, but he liked to believe they had missed him as much as he had missed them.

(He did not think of the old dog with the wet eyes, cold and stiff in his arms)

After that he walked for a bit more, simply enjoying the calm offered by nature asleep. Where others might be prone to mulling in their own thoughts when left alone with them, Techno had always found strolls helped him clear his head more than anything. With Chat so much quieter than they used to be, it was the closest he'd ever come to tranquility.

Then a branch snapped in the underbrush behind him and it became chaos again.

The voices came to life with warnings of danger. Techno whirled around, nearly tripped over his own feet with the effort to keep standing. He backed up against a tree – don't leave your rear exposed, don't get caught unaware again, your fault – and fumbled for his sword instead, leaving the cane on the ground.

For the first time in his life, his hands were shaking on the hilt.

His eyes that would normally have no trouble adjusting to the twilight scanned his surroundings frantically in search of the threat, Chat's screaming wouldn't stop.

(They came back, they came back to take you again and you'll go with them and this time Phil won't come for you, Phil won't want you anymore, too weak to protect him or yourself or-)

Another noise, closer than it was before, had Techno's head rearing back and slam against the bark of the tree. Pain radiated from the impact but still he didn't dare blink. He couldn't lower his guard, he couldn't allow the same thing to happen again.

In front of him, it was a bunny that leaped out of the bushes. It sat motionless for a moment while its body angled up and it scented the air, long ears turning towards him. Curiously, it sniffed at the ground some more before darting off into the forest, snapping some more twigs on its way.

Technoblade could only stare at where it had disappeared to.

Useless, the voices chided him, except they didn't sound like they should. They sounded harsher, colder. Familiar with sickly sweet tones. Maybe they were right. Maybe you are hopeless without them. Maybe they were the only one you're good enough for.

Turning around, he slammed his fist into the tree too. It hurt a lot but that didn't stop him from doing it again and again until blood welled up on his knuckles and the metallic scent of it made him feel sane again.

(It smelled like it did in the cell, where he would stay curled up on the ground. Throat burning and fangs snapping and always, always the scent of blood)

Exhausted, he sunk onto his knees in the snow and didn't even care when it made his leg twitch, protesting against the rough treatment. Techno wanted to sit there and wait for Phil to go to bed.

He was already angry enough at himself. There wasn't any use in going home and have Phil be disappointed in him too.