Bridge Over troubled Water

You break up, you lose sight of things, maybe you should learn to accept flaws and all and move on, shouldn't you?

There are cardinal rules to having an argument with the person you're supposed to love, lines that are drawn in each other's minds that shouldn't be crossed, words that should never be spoken, actions that should never be taken because you know unequivocally that those things will mean the end. So, in knowing this, why did Sam and Mercy decide to break through those rules on this day and create these troubled waters that seemed to have no signs of recovery.

He knew that their little disagreements always had the potential to turn into full blown arguments because they both knew, more than anyone, how to hit each other's hot buttons and trigger a negative emotion. He knew all too well what hers were because she moaned about it often enough when it happened she'd cry with anger at not being able to shout back at someone telling her she didn't have the right aim for something she really wanted. There was another biggie she constantly got pissed at too, when he brought up her previous abusive relationship and worse still compared it with the good life she was living with him, reminding her she needed to be grateful, she hated it.

She knew which buttons hit him way below the belt, all she needed to do was sucker punch him by hitting on his fears, doubts and insecurities and he had plenty of those. She knew only too well about his previous abusive relationship with his father as a child, his drug addicted mother and her love for gear that far over-shadowed his needs, up until recently. To add to that, three of his four previous relationships had ended with his girlfriend cheating on him, and he'd inwardly blamed himself for that, which brought with it the fear of her doing it to him, now that he'd fallen all in.

This argument had taken them to that other level, let alone their relationship, Sam, in the middle of their argument, for whatever reason, decided to call Quinn to clear up a point she had no business even knowing anything about. For Mercy that brought its own questions and turned this mega disagreement into a battle about friendships, relationships, trust, she wanted to know why and when, these conversations had taken place and who else he'd been telling their business to. She was unable to understand or even comprehend how her friends had become his alloys, and because that had happened, what the hell was going on, it seemed like the whole relationship was a web of lies and deceit.

The bitching didn't stop there Stacey; his sister, was the one who had, unknowingly, given Mercy the initial bit of information about the untoward goings on at work "Mercy" her voice concerned down the phone "Hi"

"Hi Stace, what's up?"

"I was just wondering how Sam got on today?"

"With?"

"It's okay he told me about the allegations, that woman needs to be sacked"

"What woman?" Mercy looked at her phone aware something was wrong because of Stacey's silence "What woman Stace?"

"Sorry I thought you knew, speak to Sam"

He was home earlier than usual, obviously he'd spoken to little sis, Mercy got to find out he'd hid this sexual harassment case they'd brought against him for being too familiar with one of his female colleagues. Now he was stood there trying to talk himself out of this difficult conversation and in the process he'd made it look like he was totally to blame for this bitch being obsessed with him, what's worse he was refusing to admit any wrongdoing he'd gone and not telling her in the first place meant he'd blown this thing intergalactic for them.

There were things said about her not being available to talk to, closed at times, judgemental and even adopting a blame culture, all hurtful comments as she'd felt she'd done nothing but support this man from day one.

Within minutes of Sam's conversation with Quinn, Mercy was getting calls from her friends asking what was happening, that wasn't something she was ready to deal with, it sent this already emotionally charged full on argument to another level. Now the argument was zoned on her, what did people he worked with think of her sticking by some bastard that sexually harassed women, and was that woman the first one, she was a minsters daughter, her reputation could be ruined before it was truly started.

Another mistake made in the defence for defence sake, was Sam telling Rory of all people, there was no love lost between the two men, it was a known fact that Rory was legendary for his loose tongue, and he didn't disappoint on this one either, Mercy's phone was pinging with details as they stood trying to make sense of the reason behind the lies. It soon came out of the woodwork which of their friends didn't think they were a good fit, most of them telling him he deserved everything he got and asking if he minded if they had a try with his girl because he'd definitely blown it.

That sent him into a jealous spin, gabbing her phone off her and calling them all back, just to call them every name under the sun and tell them not to call her phone again. Of course, all the old haunts came out, Emma, Taylor, Dallas, Brooke, and Ashley for Sam while Mercy had pursuits, but to date Sam hadn't got information on any of them actually being an ex or even a consideration for her. So, while she was calling him a male slut with perverted creepy tendencies, he was calling her a frigid cock teasing bitch, and that was the beginning of their showdown, things got progressively worse.

We all know two wrongs don't make a right, it's something we hear every day, but when you mix love and hurt into any situation that shit goes out the window and with this major blow out, that window wasn't just open it had already been blown out of fucking existence, so they went there. He brought up her almost rape situation, stating that for all he knew she probably led the damn man on, yep that red rag showed itself and for that he was as guilty as fuck, forever.

So, as we know what's good for the goose, she brought him back to the shivering wreak he was laying under the bed in his bedroom whimpering like a little pussy for his dad beating the crap out of him, and what did he do then, he wasn't as strong as her, he didn't fight the man off, no he let him beat the crap out of him again and again and again. That outburst left the air bitter and silent for a few seconds as they both stood thinking a line had been crossed, but neither willing to accept it was crossed by them first.

Those comments had come from a deep dark place, one neither of them knew they were harbouring, and it frightened them, that they could be standing in front of the person they loved the most in the world and say those things something was dreadfully wrong.

"We need a break" he looked into her eyes unable to hide the hurt in his eyes, not just for himself but for what he'd said to her to make her say those things to him.

"A long break" she agreed, turning to go to their bedroom "I'll go to my moms, for a while".

"How long?"

"A while" she turned to tell him before stepping in the bedroom and closing the door behind her. She cried as she packed because somehow this felt like the end, they'd never got to this point before, they'd always pulled it back, covered the cracks with polite words and moved on.

Sam sat in the living room with his head in his hands, he knew that was a conversation he was going to have to have at some point, this sexual harassment accusation was looking like it was getting bigger, but he really hadn't expected it to come out via Stacey, he'd panicked when she'd called to tell him and went straight home in the hope of saving his relationships, but right now he wanted to call her and cuss her out, but she'd told the truth when he couldn't. Now they'd reached this place where too much had been said, when the hurt was too much, too many truths had been revealed, she was right, they'd been living a lie, all be it for just over a month.

"Mercy" he called watching her walk across the room towards the front door "Please tell me this isn't the end for us?"

"I can't do that Sam, not now" she stood at the door trying to keep composed.

"Mercy please, I'll do anything you need me to do, I need you" he jumped up and grabbed her arm spinning her around to face him "I hate that I hurt you like this" he wiped her tears.

"I hate that I hurt you too, but the wounds are raw right now, we both need time" she wiped his tears "I'll always love you Sam, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but I will" she stroked his face.

"This feels so final" he cupped her face with his hands "I'd like to be able to say I'm sorry, but if I'm honest I don't know which parts for just yet, and I need to sort out what's in my head but know with all this going on, you're in there front and centre, I don't work well without you".

"And I don't work at all without you" she half smiled at him "I've got to go before I stay" she pulled away from him and opened the door.

"I'm going to fight to get us back" he slowly let go of her hand.

"I hope so" she smiled before closing the door behind her, she was broken, and this was going to take some time to mend, she leaned on the door listening to the song playing on the pod, before she walked away heavy hearted

Imagine seeing him on the town holding another hand, she's staring me down, so I figure that he told her who I am
But it don't matter either way, what they do or say, cause ain't nothing changed he's standing with her, but his soul is calling out my name

In my mind I'll always be his lady, in my mind I'll always be his girl…

Three Weeks Later

There had been time to stew on the angry words that had been said, listen to stories from so called friends on what they'd heard about the sordid affairs being investigated, Mercy was getting angrier by the second, any reunion with Sam was looking less and less favourable by the day. He on the other hand was constantly trying to get hold of her and of course she was ghosting him at every move, even his visits to her mom's house didn't bear any fruit.

'Mercy I'm really struggling with this, I need to talk to someone, please pickup' she sat listening to the long list of messages on her phone for the day 'How many ways can I say sorry, how many times can I tell you I'm innocent in all this, I know you know me, please, if you don't believe me what hope do I have' she rolled her eyes at the Sam of it all, the man was playing on her heart strings again. There had been so many times in their relationship she'd rolled over, they both had, but she sat now thinking there had to be a moment when the rolling stopped and they became adult about their shit and called it what it was, a damn emotional mess.

"Cedes" her mom's voice filled the kitchen, as she felt the tap on her shoulder, prompting her to take her earphones out "You're not listening to a word I'm saying" her mom pointed at the earphone on the kitchen table now.

"Sorry" she looked up at her "What were you saying?"

"Mary's been round this morning, she's really worried about Sam, I know how she feels, I'm a mother too, can't whatever this is between you two be fixed?" she watched the girl putting the ear plugs back in her ears

"No" she rolled her eyes, at her mom snatching the things out her ears, and bit her bottom lip "Why can't you ever just be on my side?"

"I am on your side" she stopped peeling spuds to look at her "Always on your side".

"But?" Mercy looked at her waiting for the conversation to come out of her mom's thoughts.

"This time I think you both did the wrong thing baby, and you need to own up to your part in it".

"You don't even know what he's done, what he's said"

"As I said his mom was over here this morning and between us we've put the picture together, you both need your damn heads knocking together".

"I'm just not ready to think about all that just yet".

"But you will think about it?"

"Maybe" she smiled at the woman pushing as always.

"Busy today?" her mom quickly changed the subject, obviously satisfied with the maybe

"Not really, just passing by the mall this afternoon when I finish at the studio, I need some hair products and I'm going to collect Sam's Letterman, I had it mended, I don't think he's even missed it yet" she smiled "It's been nearly a month I don't want them to sell it on, there are so many memories in that thing"

"So you're still mending his clothes?"

"Yes Mom" she rolled her eyes at being a 26 year old teenager "And don't read anything into the jacket, I just don't want to hurt him any more than I need to" she got up put her earphones back in and left the kitchen

...Saw his mama just the other said he'd been through a spell, had a bad break up, thinks he's on his way up, it's hard to tell
She said? I think it'd do some good if you call him every And I'm thinking he could really use a friend?

now and then, you see he's been through some things

In my mind I'll always be his lady, in my mind I'll always be his girl, only time will tell if I'm his lady but in my mind I'll always be his girl...

"I won't" her mom flicked open her phone watching her daughter leave "It's on" she whispered closing the call quickly

Sam's mom had been clean for six years, and his wife beating dad, was no longer in the picture, having met up with someone bigger and nastier than him. It had been nearly six years ago since the man had fell on the wrong side of the knife he was holding, and call it sods law, but the knife he'd always threatened Sam with, had turned out to be his own murder weapon of choice. Now his mom was well, she'd become Stacey and Sam's personal army, there was no fiercer mother than her when it came to her two children, she could be so she-devil it was scary.

Mercy's mom had always been single, for as long as she could remember she'd never seen a man darken their doorstep, there was an uncle that came around periodically, but for all intents and purposes they'd always fought against the world together. Her mom had been hardened by life, didn't take no messing from anyone, and would cut a man's head off at his thought of getting past her front doorstep, so the fact that Sam had been welcomed in their home meant he could do no wrong, it was inevitable that with these two masterminds working together there had to be a plan brewing to get those two back together

"Who was that?" Sam asked of his mom's call with no conversation

"Never you mind, just pick me up at the mall" she nodded at him as she stepped out the car, heading for her coffee shop rendezvous "Come inside for me actually, carry some bags, just call" she instructed walking off, the woman was doing his washing, shopping and sometimes cleaning for him, now Mercy and he were at loggerheads, but he was about to draw the line as her using him as her damn chauffeur and demanding his time like he was a clueless teenager. The only reason he hadn't to date was because right now she was his only ally in all this damn mess that was going on for him at work, of all the people he knew it had come back to his mom for support, he shook his head smiling, most of his childhood he'd been the one protecting her, maybe this was payback.

Like a dutiful son he went back for his mom when he got the call, parked up and made his way into the mall wondering what she'd been buying for well over an hour. He wasn't looking for anything specific when he saw Mercy stood talking to two guys, there was nothing odd about it, he knew people she didn't too, but when this guy grabbed hold of her around the waist and pulled her into him he froze waiting to see her moving on, he wasn't ready for that, his mind wasn't even in that lane, he was fighting and she was hoping he would, last he'd heard from her.

This scene didn't look much like someone who was waiting to him, it looked like someone who was seriously thinking about moving on, as much as he tried he couldn't divert his eyes. He must have looked strange or something because the guy looked straight into his eyes and froze for a second too, the last thing he wanted was Mercy to see that he cared if she didn't, he forced his feet to move and dived into the shop he was stood in front of.

That wasn't what he wanted to do, he wanted to run over to them punch this guy's lights out and have that behaving like a slut conversation with her, but something inside told him he'd given that right away, he stood far inside the shop watching as the man spun her around and pulled her back in before letting her go and they shared a friendly hug before she walked away, waving that flirty bye of hers with the grin attached.

When the coast was clear he left the shop and went to find his mom he needed to get out of there, he was in his feelings about Mercy, that was the first time he'd actually seen her since she'd walked out and everything inside him had come into play to stop him from following her and demand to know why she was ghosting him

"You alright?" his mom asked as they walked to the car, the plan hadn't worked he hadn't bumped into Mercy because the girl never answered her mom's call

"I will be" he half smiled pressing the music on and smiling for Mercy's go to song coming on, maybe it was time to let go, he thought

...They say if you love something you've got to let it go, and if it comes back then it means so much more
But if it never does at least you will know, that it was something you had to go through to grow

In my mind I'll always be his lady, in my mind I'll always be his girl, only time will tell if I'm his lady, but in my mind I'll always be his girl...

A week later the table was reversed, after seeing the scene with Mercy in the mall he was determined to move on himself, clearly they weren't meant to be if she could move on so fast. He was sat in the bar people watching from the window as the rain made people rush around, his body was more than willing to move on, but his heart was stuck in that Mercy place.

"Lonely?" a female voice asked "I know the lonely look well" she smiled holding her hand out as she sat herself in the vacant chair opposite him "Rachel" she looked into his eyes.

"Sam" he grabbed her hand "And yes very lonely".

"Let me guess, bad breakup?"

"Really bad argument" he corrected her.

"So, all isn't lost then?"

"I think it might be" he looked at his glass in front of him "She's moving on".

"Her loss" Rachel grinned.

"Definitely my loss" he corrected here again "I still love her"

"Sorry" she randomly touched his hand

He looked down at the hand touching his unsure if he wanted to shout about it, taking his current situation or just politely pull it away, in that second orange flashed through his mind reminding him of Mercy's umbrella, he looked out the window, shocked for seeing her stood there just as shocked at him. She was stuck, as much as she wanted to run she couldn't move, in that second he knew he'd hurt her again "Mercy" he gasped pulling his hand out of Rachel's grip "Sorry" he turned to tell her

"I assume that's her?" Rachel looked at the woman standing in the rain

...Always feel this way about you, always be a lady, in my mind, in my heart, in my soul (In my mind, in my mind, in my mind)
Baby, you should know, you're in my thoughts, you're in my prayer...

Sam didn't answer he left to go see Mercy still stood looking at the scene that only existed in her head "Babe" he walked toward her.

"It doesn't matter, I get it, you've moved on" she looked into his eyes, with her brave face on.

"No, I haven't, she just sat at my table".

"And grabbed hold of your hand?"

"I know you're not going to believe me on that one either, but yes she did".

"Look Sam, maybe we shouldn't hurt each other anymore, maybe we should…"

"Why because of the guy in the mall last week?"

"What guy?"

"Shit Mercy, I saw you with a guy in the mall last week he was swinging you around, you were all but kissing".

"You mean Finn?" she smiled at him "Finn's my uncle's wife's son, he's like my cousin, I haven't seen him in a hot minute, he's much older than me, I wouldn't be…" she looked up at him "And you were jealous enough to let a girl buy you a drink?"

"I was jealous enough to want to rip the fuckers head off" he grabbed her hand "Mercy" he grabbed her hand "That woman at work she caught me off guard, I knocked her back, and honest, I didn't expect her to come back at me like this, I'm innocent"

"I actually believe you babe"

"You do" he gasped "I'm flawed"

"I am too" she stepped closer to him

"So, we need to talk" he pulled her closer "Because I have no plan B"

"I have no Plan B either" she looked up at him

(In my mind, in my mind)
I'll always be your girl, say yeah (In my mind) Yeah, yeah, yeah 'In My Mind' by Heather Headley