"Do you think he's getting better?"

Phil's hands stopped what they were doing, and he looked at Ranboo with what could only be described as defeat. "I'd like to think so but... I don't know. You'd have to ask him, wouldn't you?"

"He's going out a lot," Ranboo said, swallowing down a chunk of unease. It was weird to talk about Technoblade behind his back so candidly, at least on this matter. But it wasn't like they could get much more than a grunt and an evasive shrug out of him anyway. "That has to be good right? It's healthy, to get fresh air and stuff. I've heard people say that."

Phil nodded, went back to work. "They do say that."

"Aren't you worried?"

"Technoblade is an adult, Ranboo. And a tenacious bastard too. If he's having serious trouble he would tell us, though the chances are much higher he'll take care of it before we can. You can't push these things, not with him. You have to wait for him to take the first step." Phil said it so matter-of-factly, all calm composure and indulgence. He spoke with experience.

Yet it didn't do anything to make Ranboo feel better.

"But what if he doesn't take that first step? What if he won't say anything before it gets worse and tries to deal with it by himself but he can't and-" he cut himself off there. Surely this wasn't the time for him to be projecting his own issues, even if it was the most solid foothold of relatability he had over the situation. Voice tiny, he finished the thought anyway. "What if it's too late by the time we notice?"

And he knew it was a mistake – it was something he shouldn't have said. Phil swallowed, and his jaw was set tight. As if the next words would be harder to pass from his lips than thorns from brambles. "Techno's not like that."

Not like who, Ranboo might have asked if he hadn't already known the answer.

"No, I- I mean-" he stumbled and fell and then got up before he could choke on it. "I think I need to be somewhere."

He went back to his shack and didn't come out for a whole day afterward.

Techno didn't ask him to tag along anymore.

Well, Techno never asked him to tag along before either, but he made it clear he didn't mind Ranboo joining in other ways. By pulling out a map in front of Ranboo, off-handedly mentioning he'd be going somewhere interesting, asking Ranboo if he was engaged in any other plans – just out of polite inquiry, not any ulterior motives. Those were Technoblade's unspoken ways of inviting Ranboo to spend time together.

Techno never said a whole lot with his words, but everything was relayed in his actions.

Except now Techno always had left by the crack of dawn when Ranboo was barely awake and he didn't come back to his cabin until twilight was turning into night. He didn't go out when it was dark though - not anymore.

And Phil did not appear to be concerned by that at all. He still checked in on Techno often, he still made Techno allow him to assess the injuries that had all faded into ugly red scars – some of them blending in with the ones Techno had from before so that Ranboo couldn't really tell their origin anymore. He still made sure Techno slept and ate at a healthy rate.

But Phil didn't seem worried about the other things. About Techno isolating himself more than usual or never just talking to them unless they cornered him first. Ranboo came home one day after spending the afternoon in Snowchester to find Phil cursing while he tried to comb through Carl's unruly mane. The horse balked, exhaling angrily through his nostrils whenever the comb caught on a knot. It was clear he hadn't been groomed in days.

Ranboo couldn't displace the feeling of how wrong that was. Techno always took excellent care of his pets, better than he took care of himself really.

"I guess he got distracted," Phil said when he noticed how Ranboo was staring. And that too felt wrong, Phil stating that so blithely as if they didn't both know it was a lie. Ranboo picked at his own fingers and bit his tongue but didn't speak because what if it wasn't his place? Wasn't it true that Phil knew Techno much better than Ranboo ever did?

(Maybe Phil was right and Ranboo was blowing everything out of proportion)

But Phil runs away from things, Ranboo told himself. He had seen it before. When Phil doesn't know how to deal with something, he ignores it or he leaves altogether. And Phil would never leave Techno – never, ever would abandon him – but he could leave in every sense except the physical one, and then where would they end up except alone?

(Maybe, maybe, Ranboo was the one who was right this time and not Phil)

One time he woke up in the middle of the night and saw the light still on in Technoblade's cabin.

Before Ranboo could contemplate or come up with any reasons to stop himself he was out the door, realizing halfway there he hadn't even put on his coat and that was a horrible idea with the snow reaching almost to his knees. He trudged into it, determined to see this through if he'd already started with it. By the time he made it to Techno's front door he felt like an icicle, hair wet and plastered to his face. He wasn't even wearing his armor, so the contact between water and skin caused a vague burning sensation Ranboo was all too familiar with.

He raised his hand to open the door but stopped. Sometimes, he would just enter Techno's home unannounced without a second thought. And never had that been a problem before. Standing there, soaked and cold, tired despite trying to sleep, Ranboo didn't know if it was okay for him to do that anymore.

He knocked instead, waiting for only a few seconds before he could hear shuffling on the other side and footsteps. Techno opened the door slowly, peeking through the crack first to see who it was. His short hair stuck up funnily, as if he might have been woken up by Ranboo.

"Get inside," he said gruffly when he saw who it was knocking on his door at such a strange hour. Ranboo couldn't imagine Technoblade having many other visitors this late.

Ranboo slipped into the warmth of the cabin, rubbing at his face a bit to get the wet strands out of his face at least. It didn't hurt – not how being submerged fully in water would hurt – but it was a good reminder of why he brought his helmet everywhere. "Thanks."

"What are you even doing out at this time?" Techno asked him. He kept his voice low, probably trying not to wake up Steve who was sleeping on the rug in front of the fireplace. There was no fire burning though.

"I uh..." Ranboo shuffled his feet, awkward suddenly. "I don't know. Couldn't get sleep, I guess."

"So you're coming to disturb mine?"

"The light was on," Ranboo shot back, not defensive but... confused? Techno hadn't been sleeping with the lights on, had he?

Techno sat down and it was then that Ranboo noticed the pillows piled up on one end of the couch and the blanket draped over the foot end. Meaning that Techno definitely, certainly had been sleeping on the couch and with the lights on.

"If you've got something to say just say it." Technoblade stretched his arms above his head before settling down again. Ranboo saw the bandages around his throat were still there, despite the wound being long healed. He hadn't really questioned that before, but now he was starting to question everything.

"I mean, I was wondering," he exhaled. It was now or never. "Are you alright Techno?"

Hiding a yawn behind his hand, Techno raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, sure."

"Hm." That was about the answer Ranboo had been expecting. "Are you really though? Because I was just thinking that I uhm... Wouldn't be. Alright, I mean. If something like that happened to me-"

"Nothing happened," Techno said.

"Yeah, I just don't think that's true."

"Sounds like a you problem."

At a loss of what to say to that, Ranboo sighed. He sat down on the couch as well. "Is it okay if I stay here? I don't wanna walk through the snow again."

Techno nodded, leaning back against the cushions. He closed his eyes again.

"Do you want me to turn off the lights?" Ranboo asked half-heartedly. His legs were pulled up to his chest, tail curled around his feet.

Technoblade was a little too quick in responding, a little too panicked. "Leave them on."

Ranboo nodded, and without anything else to do went back to sleep.

Phil found them like that the next day, curled up and leaning against each other both asleep. He shook Ranboo awake first and the enderman was blearily looking around the room trying to come back to reality while Phil carefully woke Techno too.

"Your backs are going to hate you later," Phil said at seeing their awkward sleeping positions.

Techno shook him off. "We're not old like you, Phil."

"Don't think your spine cares about your age if you're treating it as if it's a pretzel, mate." Phil smiled, but then his expression turned serious. "I came to tell you I'm going back to that place today."

Ranboo stretched as well, feeling some joints pop back into the sockets. "What place?"

"The place we found Techno at."

Ranboo froze. Techno went very still too in the corner of his eye.

"I'm just telling you because I thought you might want to join me?" Phil said, directing the question at either of them.

"I do," Techno spoke before Ranboo could. "I want to go back there."