Try A Little Tenderness
"It doesn't matter if it's a relationship, a lifestyle, or a job. If it doesn't make you happy, let it go.
Sam sat on the bed in his old bedroom wondering what the hell had happened, three months ago he had everything he'd always wanted and now he was back home in Texas, looking at old schoolbooks, and feeling sorry for himself. It was like that saying bad things come in threes playing out in his life right now, and he couldn't see a way to stop it, he'd hit a dark place with an almighty crash, within less than a year of being at his absolute best. He'd just arrived he hadn't even managed to tell his parents what was happening for him or even how long he was planning on staying, all he knew for sure was that he was exhausted, broke, and hurt. Before he could move forward he knew he had to face what had happened, what his part was in it and take learning from it, he held his head in his hands thinking about just that, he couldn't stay home for long.
Flashback
Relationship
Just over four months ago he'd done his last day of recording and was buzzing so much he didn't even see the girl walking towards him until he bumped into her "Sorry" his face genuinely shocked at bumping into someone, she was maybe five years or so his senior, but she showed an interest in him straight away,, and at the time he was young, free, and single, so he thought why not
"It's fine" she looked down at the scattered paperwork at her feet, tapping her foot obviously waiting for him to pick them up.
"Gosh" he gasped, bending down to pick them all up "I'm so sorry" he held the first bunch up for her to grab
"It's fine, you might have just lost me my job, messing all that paperwork up, but I'll manage" she snapped he couldn't tell if she was angry or joking
"I'm so sorry, I'd never forgive myself if I lost you your job" he finally stood up with the last pile of paperwork, handing it to her
"If you really want to make it up to me, you could buy me a coffee after I get fired?"
"Errr" he took a second to mentally count up the money he had on him, taking the time to size her up "Sure, I can stretch to a coffee" he smiled, he knew better than to judge a person on looks alone
That afternoon she'd kept his attention the whole time, she never stopped talking but some of the stuff she said made sense and the fact that she was rubbing shoulders with the stars already made her even more appealing. They talked about everything, had theatre, music, and art in common, and of course the third date ended with them in bed. The relationship just seemed to roll on from that, she was out trying to find work, he was at the studio putting something together making sure that when she actually got him a look in he'd be ready with really good original material.
About a month in he realised everything she'd told him was hot air, she was spending more time in bed than looking for auditions, and somehow the lies and laziness put him off. Two months on she still hadn't found herself a job, that resulted in the relationship taking a forced step he wasn't ready for when she move into his place.
His wasn't as big as her place, although it could fit the two of them in comfortably, there were no private spaces, and because of that, things quickly got tense. She changed from a fun loving, easy going, chatty girl to opinionated, possessive, lazy, money guzzling, control freak, who'd taken to checking his phone every night he came in from the studio, ordering food in on his card without asking and moaning about everything constantly.
Communication quickly went out the window, they just sat around, checking social media, reading, or listening to music via earphones, sex wasn't something they ripped each other's clothes off for anymore, even being seen together outside his apartment was a rarity, he really didn't want to be there.
"Sam" she walked into his place one evening just over a months ago, shocking him out of his sleep when she shook him "Sam"
"What?" he sat up wiping his face, stopping when he realised his arm was dead because of the way he was resting on the couch "Shit" he gasped at the pain that shot through his shoulder "What do you want" he asked while still working on his shoulder
"I don't think this is working, I'm moving out"
"Fine" his tone one of relief at the mention
"Is that all you've got to say?"
"What do you want me to say, don't go, we can work it out, I love you?" he looked up at her "None of that would be true, we both know whatever it was we thought we had has gone, let's just cut our losses"
"Fine" she hissed at him "I thought we could be friends but…"
"Friends" he laughed "This is the most we've talked in over two months we can't even be lovers what the hell makes you think we'd be any good at friends?"
"You can be such a bastard sometimes, I'm moving in with someone else, we're…"
"I don't want to know" he held his hand up "Just grab your shit and get the fuck out" he was already so over this, he was already concentrating on his music, he didn't have room for anything else.
"I will"
"Thanks" he smiled before laying back down "Oh" his head popped up again "Don't forget to leave my keys"
"You really are a…"
"Hope this new guy has deep pockets" he laughed shielding his head as the cushion came towards him "Don't be bitter" he laughed
Looking back now at his actions he could see all the cracks forming in his life, but he was flying so high he didn't even want to acknowledge it.
Job
He'd left home full of ambition having been signed by Vogue to do a four page spread, he was on his way at just 19 years old, the world was his oyster. After that first shoot he'd managed to bag himself a six month contract, but a car accident just a month in, resulted in a three month break, which in turn lost him that contract, and he was in New York without a job.
He was picked up at a Karaoke bar by Shelby from Safeman Records, who said she wanted to help him make something of himself, everyone back home was telling him he had it in him, and eventually he believed it. Within a month of him signing up with her he'd recorded a song that had always been close to his heart and Shelby had decided she was going to send it out as his first single to introduce him to the world to be followed within 4 months with an EP. He didn't know anything about anything so at a young naïve 20 years of age he left his life in her hands, when he finally finished that first track he was so buzzed when he left the studio which resulted in him bumping into that first mistake.
There was so much pressure to get things right, his release date was looming, the contract was coming to an end, and he still had two more songs to squeeze out, so at the time that damn girl dropped her bomb he didn't even have his mind on that radar, it was a total distraction that he could very well do without. Her being around was a distraction on another level, she wasn't ambitious for herself let alone him, it was like she'd found a damn money bag and happy to see him going out to slave everyday while she pampered.
What he didn't count on was the album flopping, he'd put everything he could muster into it, blood, definitely sweat, and now his work was getting trashed on the media, there were definitely tears. Four months of work down the drain and of course Shelby wasn't even thinking of re-signing him for another album.
"Just one more chance, that's all I'm asking for" he sat in her office after hearing the news, begging for another chance to prove himself
"That's not how this world works Sam, you come back when you have something special, like that first song and we'll see if we can work together again, until then, I'm sorry, but we're not renewing your contract"
"This is so messed up" he looked at the woman who'd spent the last five months encouraging him, now taking every drop of hope away from him
"Sorry Sam, that's how this business works" she seemed to look through him, the next thing he knew, she was up walking towards the door, obviously telling him the meeting was over "Good luck" she held her hand out for him to shake, he looked at it with disgust and walked out
"You used me" he turned to hiss at her, she didn't answer, she just shut the office door
And then instead of sympathy and kisses he'd gone home to this user woman telling him she was leaving like he was supposed to beg her. His album was flopping, his music career was sailing down the pan and all she had to offer was she'd met someone else
He looked down at his hands thinking what he should have really said was "Who gives a flying fuck, disappear bitch" she didn't care, why should he
Lifestyle
He hadn't made it big enough to have a lavish lifestyle, but he was paying his rent and eating take out three times a week, all be that forced, it was still fine living for him. But suddenly he was without a job, no girlfriend, and no place to be everyday he was finding life very lonely. He'd been out looking for modelling jobs wherever they were advertising, popping into studios to see if there was any backing singer's needed, or if anyone needed a guitarist, he was sure some of those skills he'd learned from his Dad back in the day would come in handy, if he could find a guitar.
A week after the contract ended, he just about scraped through with his month's rent, which made him realise he'd have to pull back on the take outs, maybe stay out more to save on fuel and slow down on the beer and cigarette's. By the end of the second month, he was waiting for the knock on the door, that woman had cleaned him out, there was no savings to fall back on, so the conversation was imminent. It wasn't a lavish place, but the sky blue walled one bedroom apartment, with the living room come kitchen combo, and mini bathroom was his little piece of LA that he'd claimed the first day he got there, he had such big dreams.
"Sam" Will knocking his door
"Will" he rolled his eyes, and opened the door with his bag in his hand "I don't have your money, but as soon as I get home, I'll post it to you, you know I'm good for that"
"I'm sorry it didn't work out for you" Will tapped his shoulder in sympathy "I'll keep your deposit and call it quits"
"Thanks" he offered his hand, smiling at Will shaking it "For everything, especially the advice on that ex"
He'd dreaded going home but right now the alternative was sleeping on the streets and that had ever been him, he didn't come from that, his brother Steve was a successful Lawyer, their parents were so proud of him and that was all he wanted too, but now he was going back, home.
Texas
"Here" he looked around his bedroom again
"Evans" the familiar tap hit his bedroom window "Evans" the giggly voice brought a smile to his face, he turned to see his best friend stood at the window "I though that was you, get out here" she waved for him to come out. She stood watching him open the window and stood back for him to climb out "Sam" she smiled when he finally stood in front of her
"Mercy" he smiled scraping her up for a hug "I missed you"
"Why didn't you tell me you were coming home?"
"I didn't think you'd be here, what are you doing home?"
"Dad's done his back in"
"Again?"
"Again" she laughed "And Mom asked me to come up for a couple of weeks to help her out at the shop"
"So, what happened to Social Work?"
"It's still there somewhere" she tapped his chest "But it's good to see you" she smiled
"You too" he hugged her tighter
"What are you doing home?"
"Things didn't go too well for me in LA"
"With those tired ass songs, I'm not surprised, but what are you doing back here?"
"See" he stood looking at her "If you'd have been in LA with me, this would never have happened, you'd have been honest with me"
"Now, you think you might have needed me?" she looked up at him "You find one girl with a teeny tiny booty and that cancelled out a whole childhood of friendship, you didn't even answer my calls"
"She was the jealous type, and I just didn't want to explain us to her"
"You don't shit on your friends on the way up Evans"
"I'm sorry, I guess I got lost in the drama of it all" he frowned "My EP crashed, Shelby wouldn't give me another chance, the girl I thought I could love was the wrong one, and to top all that I couldn't pay my rent, so I got kicked out my house, and had to run back home like a bitch, is that punishment enough?"
"It will do for starters" she laughed "And yes" she looked up at him "I'm going to get you back up on that horse, because that's what friends do"
"You are?"
"I am, just remember this pain" she tapped his chest "We can use it"
"I'll have to take your word on that" he smiled at her "Do you want to grab a drink?"
"Only if it's from my kitchen, I don't to the LA thing" she laughed
"What's the LA thing?"
"Walk half a mile to grab a cup of coffee when there's a perfectly good percolator at home" she laughed
"It's so good to be home" he laughed "I missed that laugh"
"Suddenly you like home?" she grabbed his arm walking towards the bedroom window of her house, it was very much her parent's home with all the photos on the walls, sideboards, fireplace, everywhere, it was like walking into the shrine of Mercedes Jones and seeing a picture of every day of her life.
"This place still freaks me out" he laughed at seeing the pictures still hung "Remember that day?" he pointed at one of her dipped in mud from head to toe on the patio steps.
"Are you laughing at me for that?" she walked off through to the kitchen
"No" he giggled "Mine's in almost the exact same place at home" he shook his head "I just can't believe the day we nearly broke our fucking necks gets pride of place in our parent's homes" he watched her pouring hot coffee into two cups, before they sat at the kitchen table.
"So, what's the plan?" she asked
"I'm flat, I have no idea what I'm going to do next" he put his hands around the hot coffee cup "I guess I'll stop singing those tired ass songs for starters"
"What do you know about city high life, lap dancing and drugs?"
"Absolutely nothing" he laughed
"So why get them to make you sing about it, where did your truth get to?"
"Eager to please I guess"
"You're guessing a lot, Evans, let's go back to basics" she grabbed his hand "If it doesn't make you happy…"
"Let it go" he smiled "I know all that, we tell each other that all the time, but when so much depends on one little thing, you just get consumed by all the bullshit"
"Where do you want to go from here?"
"I don't know if I can take the shame of it, but I still need to sing"
"Then find something real to sing about, something from the heart, and sing" she smiled at him "I believe in you Sam"
"You have to, you're my best friend"
"I don't have to, but I do" she got up "I have to be at work in half an hour, but we need to hook up again soon"
"Tomorrow afternoon, see if we can squeeze something out?"
"We'll try" she kissed his cheek before seeing him out before rushing to get ready to make the short journey to the shop.
It wasn't anything special their dry cleaning business, but it had seen them through, brought their home, sent Mercy off to college and now it was a safe haven from the harsh world outside. Mercy had found out that her boyfriend of two years had been cheating on her with some random girl, she wasn't about to throw that detail at Sam when he was feeling the way he was, it would just throw the focus off him and put it on her, and right now she didn't want the pity.
The next afternoon they were sitting on his bed trying to find a song, something that would set him apart from all the other trying artists, and maybe bring his singing career back to life "I have something" she scribbled something in the notebook
"Who hurt you?" he looked up from the words she'd wrote
"They didn't actually hurt me, you have to be invested for it to really hurt, and I wasn't" she smiled
"You were with that bastard for two years near enough, what do you mean you didn't invest?"
"Maybe just a bit" she admitted
"So, what happened?"
"Some bitch walked right in and took him from under my damn nose, but I guess it wasn't meant to be"
"I'm sorry" he looked into her eyes "At least he wasn't trying to squeeze every single penny you earned through your ass"
"She took your money?"
"Not like that, she lost her job on account of me and then lived off me for the rest of the relationship, jumped ship weeks before I know I was broke"
"We pick the best don't we?" she laughed
"I have some words" he grabbed the pen off her and started writing "Okay, we'll find the right vibe for this, you've lit that fire, you're so good at finding in me"
"That's my guy" she sat on her knees on his bed, excited for seeing the fire light up in his eyes again "Coffee?" she sprung up to go make it
"No" he stopped her
"What's up?" she asked concerned
"I don't think I want to go back to New York, it's such a cold place"
"Isn't it the same everywhere?"
"Not here, not home"
"I thought LA was the dream?"
"Maybe then, but for now, home's fine" he looked around his bedroom, both their attentions drawn to the phone ringing
"Her?" she raised her eyebrows "I'll leave you to it"
"No" he pulled her back "I want to get this on paper"
"I can't say I don't understand" she looked at the phone "I'm avoiding his calls too"
"Come on let's go to yours, see if we can knock something out on the piano" he got up and pulled her up with him, leaving his phone on the bed
They went round to hers he did his usual detour to the food cupboard for snacks while she went and sat at her piano trying to knock this tune out. "I think…" she sat tapping on the keys trying to put something together
"What was that?" Sam's head popped round the living room door asking "Play that again"
"What?" she looked at him, she was just messing about she couldn't remember what she'd just played
"That" he sang a few notes "Listen" he sat beside her and put the notebook on the holder
You really got me fucked up, gave you my heart and my trust, I tried to make it simple, you threw those dreams out that door
Running and running and running around, constantly, constantly turning me down
All of those games that you play with me, they make me say oh
You set me on fire, I can't live without your love, and we'll take it to the wire, I can't live without your love
"That actually sounded alright" she laughed
"That's your verse" he laughed "I can fit mine to it now, we have a beat" he sat playing notes and writing for a while "I'll work on it" he put the pad down and grabbed the snacks "I reckon, if we put a drum beat behind it, some back singers… you could help, we've got something, don't you think?" he asked with his mouth full
"I can hear it" she giggled "You got your fire back?"
"You do that for me" he kissed her cheek
"Are you going to give her another chance?"
"I'm busy trying to find myself, I don't have time for her right now, or… ever, so no" he looked at her "Are you thinking of taking him back?"
"No"
"If it doesn't make you happy…" he looked at her
"Let it go" she rolled her eyes, right now he'd made his choice, she'd made hers
"If that tool can't see how special you are he's not worth your time, someone will come around for you, you'll see, and it will be the best fit ever"
"And someone will come around for you too, watch that space, and you're going to make it"
"So are you" he picked the pen and notebook up again "I have another verse"
"Why couldn't you do this in New York?"
"I guess I wasn't happy" he smiled "Thanks"
"For?" she looked at him
"For being my friend, my best friend"
"And you mine"
He sat writing for a while before he finally put the notebook back on the stand and started to play the melody again
You probably think that I'm dumb, you fuck me of over for fun, you're taking more than you give, then I'll take what I can get
Running and running and running around, constantly, constantly turning me down
All of those games that you play with me, they make me say oh
You set me on fire, I can't live without your love, and we'll take it to the wire, I can't live without your love
'Fire' by ELEY
"What do you think?" he looked at her when he'd finished
"I don't think it's mainstream, but I think it's very much you and bearing all your feelings is never a bad thing"
"I'm calling it Fire, because you reignited this fire in me I forgot I'd got"
"You just need someone who understands how you work Evans"
"When I find her, she has to be just like you"
"Not exactly like me, I don't want to be pushed out again"
"You won't be" he hugged her "Ever again"