Human Nature

Words can go a long way to healing a sad soul.

It was clear academically, Sam wasn't the sharpest tool in the box, and the fact that his parents didn't see the importance of education didn't help matters. He'd started to have problems at school at an early age, being very disruptive, argumentative, and he just didn't have the capacity to concentrate on anything for more than a minute.

Things started to hit an all-time low when he got to around 13 years old, during an argument over hanging his bag on the wrong peg he flipped and physically assaulted and attempted to harm with a weapon another student. All the patience the teachers had shown him over the years went out the window, he was deemed out of control and expelled from school pending an assessment.

His parents resisted for a while, but when the authorities got involved, it scared them or caused an awakening or something, but they turned up at the assessment centre suited and booted with their smartly dressed son in tow, ready for the tests. They spent the whole day talking, listening, and finally getting their results "Dyslexic?" Sam asked looking into the air half relieved it had a name and half frightened for what that name meant.

"Yes it just means you see things different"

"So, I'm disabled?" he asked rolling his eyes at having something else that meant he was wired different to everyone else, something else to make him stand out even more, as if his life wasn't already shit

"Whatever it is we can't deal with it" his Dad's voice snapped in his head

"What?" he looked at them confused, they weren't even eating hot food if he didn't cook it, what the fuck were they on about they couldn't deal with him, couldn't they see he'd been having to deal with them for the past 11 years.

"Your father said we can't deal with a sick kid" his Mom hissed at him

"What about what I want?" he asked, which seemed to fall on deaf ears, his Dad was already asking about the nice Social Worker that visited their house and reeling off the options she gave them, Sam hadn't even heard half of the conversations they sat there talking about.

"It's best sweetheart" his Mom grabbed his arm telling him "We've done all we can do"

"How about having a go at being parents" he hissed back at her

"Don't talk to your Mother like that" his Dad woofed at him

"Okay" the assessor rolled her eyes for the display of verbal abuse "I'll contact Social Services" she smiled "If you'll wait outside in reception" she stood up signalling the consultation was over. There were more conversations, tears, pleading and anger before the decision was made, Sam was going into care.

By the evening Sam had collected the few belongings he possessed and was being driven off to Raven Cove a children's home in California, he couldn't have been any further from home if they'd tried. He cried himself to sleep that first night in a house full of strangers, with no idea of how he went from being part of a family that morning to being totally alone tonight, repeatedly rejected by his parents, who despite everything he loved with all his heart.

The next morning, he woke up to a familiar face, encouraging him to have a shower, get dressed, and come down for breakfast. It was late when he arrived yesterday but there was a heap of questions the woman, he now knew as Sue, had asked him before they'd let him go to his room. At the end of it he'd sat on his bed thinking she actually knew more about him that his own parents did. He hadn't had actual breakfast for the longest time, he'd been so used to eating half a packet of crisps on the way to school, after he'd stolen it, this was going to be a treat.

He rushed through the morning rituals eager to grab something but unsure what he was going to find, maybe this was one of those places he'd seen on TV where they abuse the children and feed them rotten food. "Maybe not" he opened the door, smiling at finding four other well-dressed children, in uniforms, rushing around making themselves all sorts of things for breakfast, it was a feast

"Help yourself and then I'll introduce you" Sue told him

He quickly filled a plate and took a bowl of cereal, because if this were a once in a lifetime thing, he wasn't about to miss it, sitting in an empty spot at the table he looked around as the room went quiet "Hi" was all he could find to say

"Hi" someone answered

"Okay so that's Finn, Tina, Brittany and Blaine" Sue pointed at them as she said their names "And this is Sam" she tapped his shoulder "Be nice" she looked at them all around the table. Sam didn't have time to pay anyone mind, he'd got the most amazing amount of food in front of him, he needed silence to take it all in before the minute it was going to take him to devour it.

"Are you coming to school?" Tina asked, she was obviously of Asian descent, but cute, and her smile was real

"I don't know" Sam told her forgetting his mouth was full "Sorry" he covered his mouth up

"How old are you?" Brittany asked

"Twelve" he kept his hand over his mouth to answer

"You'll be in our year" Blaine grinned at him, before looking at Tina

"Cool" Finn nodded "I'm the oldest of this outfit, I get one more year in here and then I'm free"

"It's not that bad" Brittany assured him

"School" Sue came in clapping her hands, demanding attention "Sam" his nae snapped out of her mouth "Will's going to come and see you later, he may take you out so be ready" she smiled and nodded at him.

"Okay" he smiled at the friendly face, scraping milk out the bowl, watching the others leaving the room, nodding their goodbyes

He'd just about finished his breakfast and wondering what the get up to next when the door burst open "Sorry" the man smiled seeing the shock on his face "That door always swings heavy, I'm Will, Sue told you I was coming didn't she?"

"Yes Sir"

"Call me Will, I'm not a teacher" he laughed "You're dyslexic, right?"

"So I'm told" he looked at him suspiciously

"Do you know what that means?"

"I can't see things the same as everyone else" he told him

"That's more or less it, but we need to figure out what it is your seeing first" he smiled "Your file says you're brilliant at art, love cooking, and science is your favourite subject, anyone with a sharp eye would have picked this up years ago"

"Why?"

"Because people with Dyslexia tend to be very skilled in other areas, like you don't remember the way letters are ordered but you can maybe paint something from memory"

"I can" he smiled

"Reading and writing are things that always seem challenging to people with dyslexia so we're going to get you to see some professionals and sort that out for you, how would you feel about that?"

"It would help get this fuzz out my head?"

"We hope so" Will smiled

"Okay" he smiled at the man "I'll try anything not to feel like this anymore"

"How do you feel?"

"Like half a person and half a beast, I get so frustrated when things don't go right for me, like a failure, sometimes I just want to disappear into myself and give up on it all"

"I can get you someone to talk to about all that too"

"I don't know if I'm ready"

"We can wait for that one, let's deal with your words first" Will got up "I'm taking you to an assessment unit to meet someone, only to find out where you are, and then we can attach someone to you for support"

"Okay" he followed the man out of the building, everything looked so different in the daylight, he hadn't noticed the pool table, computers plugged in, the flat screen TV, and there were so many friendly faces around, everyone knew his name and had a good morning for him

He got to the dark blue building and was surprised at the colours, artwork on the walls children of all ages walking around and everyone again seemed happy. He was taken into a room where an old lady sat cross legged on a chair with an empty one opposite her "Hi Sam, I'm Terri" she grinned he didn't feel at all comfortable

"Are you staying?" he asked Will

"I can if you need me to"

"Yeah I do"

The woman turned out to be harmless as she took him through some things that made him feel comfortable, uncomfortable, confused, gave clarity, amazingly he came away from that knowing he could understand things better if they were on a green background and font size 14 was his thing, now all he had to do was see the words properly on the page.

"I'll be assigning you to Bert, he's very experienced, and I think you two will be a good fit" Terri finally told him "I'll book your first session for Tomorrow at around eleven, is that alright?"

"Sure" Sam looked at Will for confirmation

"That's fine" Will assured him "I'll be bringing him in"

That night he got acquainted with his fellow house mates Finn was apparently very much into Brittany who was super lesbian and crushing hard on some girl at school, while Tina was in some meaningful relationship with Mike, who he got to meet later, apparently he snuck in nearly every night. Blaine was a mystery, he talked a lot but said very little, and Tina and he shared looks the whole night, Sam was wondering if something was quietly going on between the two of them. Sam felt comfortable enough to share with his new friends that he was dyslexic and hadn't found life so far enjoyable but when it came to his parents he couldn't tell the truth he just said they couldn't cope, it sounded better than they begged the system to take me.

After dinner they made full use of the recreational space and even if he was finding it hard to say it out loud, inside he was actually enjoying being a lad again, the urge to smash something or someone in hadn't arisen since the pressure had lifted.

"It does help you know" Blaine sat next to him saying

"What helps?" he played with the pool cue throwing it from one hand to the other as the base rested between his feet

"I'm dyslexic too, but the sessions really helped, I caught up within two years and I'm back in mainstream, I still get support, but at least they don't bug me for not getting stuff done on their time anymore"

"Cool"

That night he slept a bit better than he had the night before, it had been a while since he'd gone to bed with a full stomach, and felt the comfort of knowing someone was around protecting him, he was a bit anxious about the day to come, but he believed Blaine when he told him things could only get better.

The next day it was breakfast as usual, he didn't need waking up today, he woke up hungry and knew what he needed to do to get fed, just watching his housemates last night doing homework and getting treats made him want to do something, anything to be praised for it and he was determined today he was going to do that something.

"Sam" he walked into the jolly bold headed man's office, watching him walk towards him, the room reminding him of his old headmaster's room, bringing bad vibes straight away "Don't worry this isn't it, I'm Bert" he looked around the room sensing what was going through the boy's mind. "We're just going to have a really short chat and then I'll assign you to one of my students"

"Student?" Sam asked

"They're third year students about to be qualified and they're really good, I promise" he laughed "You'll do your weekly review with me, but you'll see them every day" he pointed to the chair for him to sit down "I'm not going to bombard you with questions, I'll leave that to your mentor, I think you'll like Carmen, she's a bit older, religious, but she's really good"

"A woman?" his eyes widened

"I'll leave that decision to you" he laughed "You'll find her behind the blue door down the hall, if there's anything that you need just come see me, you know where I am now" his arm signally to say he'd finished with him "Have a good day Sam and welcome aboard" he held his hand out for shaking

"Thank you" Sam took his hand before leaving the office

"Will you be alright from here?" Will asked him as they stood in front of the blue door

"I guess" Sam knocked the door before walking in "Carmen?"

"Come on in Sam, I'm just getting set up" the woman he saw was older than he'd expected, when he thought of students his mind conjured up young people, this woman was at least in her 40s, maybe older than his Mom, she was busying herself grabbing items from around the room "What kind of music are you into?" she looked up at him smiling

"I like all sorts, I grew up with country, but to be honest it doesn't bring good memories and I listen to a lot of everything now"

"What's the song you go to when you think of happier times?"

"Back when I used to visit my grandparents, Grams used to get his "Bread album out, I used to know every word of every song on that album" he smiled at the memory of his grandparents dancing around the living room, he never felt dumped when he got there, just pure love

"Which song?" she stood fiddling with her pod

"The title track 'Baby I'm a Need You' he smiled

"I love that song" she walked towards him "Let's just sit in the silence and remember things around that song" she showed him a seat before pressing play on her pod "Close your eyes or whatever you need to do, just clear your head and think of that time" she closed her eyes

Baby, I'm a want you, baby, I'm a need you

You're the only one I care enough to hurt about, maybe I'm a crazy, but I just can't live with out

Your loving and affection, giving me direction, like a guiding light to help me through my darkest hour

Lately, I'm a praying that you'll always be staying beside me

Used to be my life was just emotions passing by, feeling all the while, and never really knowing why…

'Baby I'm-a Want You' by Bread

He didn't know when, or even understand why he'd started to cry, but he knew the feelings he was feeling were real, and that he wanted those days back "Ms Carmen" he opened his eyes to see her watching him, feeling awkward, he wanted to be excused

"It's fine Sam, this is a safe space" she smiled at him watching as the flood gates opened, smiling because he was making room for healing and learning

The next few months were filled with learning, Sam was eager to get to this special school he'd found himself in, he needed someone to one support and Ms Carmen was turning out to be an excellent teacher, Bert had been right. They were getting close to the summer holidays, he was still worried about his concentration, that seemed to be his downfall at the moment, and he knew it was because he was rushing to get into mainstream school by the next school year.

"Do you think I'll do it?" he asked at the end of his last lesson for the day

"You're well on the way, you've got two more weeks and if we concentrate we should be there"

"Can I take the test again next week?"

"Baby steps Sam" she warned

"I'm just eager to move forward now I understand it all"

"I know and I'm happy with your progress as I keep telling you, we'll see about the test"

"Thanks Ms Carmen" he laughed looking at the door as it opened without anyone knocking

"Mom" the girl stood at the door smiling at the woman

"Baby, give me ten minutes, I'll meet you in the canteen" Ms Carmen fanned her off, they both watched the door shut before anything else was said

"You never said you had children, let alone grown ones" Sam noted

"Does that make a difference?"

"No" he sat down "It's just… you don't come across as a Mom"

"Are you ready to talk about that stuff, because I can ask Bert to refer you?"

"I might be"

"I'll sort it" she smiled at him "You've got your homework?" she watched him walking towards the door

The following week he was sitting in a room full of drawings and artwork talking to Andrea about his childhood, feeling like it was an uncomfortable place to be "So, you don't remember when things got bad?" the woman looked at him like she wanted an answer "We can get back to that, let's look at your feelings around school"

Sam sat telling his story one event seemed to run smoothly into the other, and soon he was spilling his guts on stuff she hadn't even asked. "Actually" he suddenly looked at her on their sixth and final session "I remember when things started to get bad for my parents" he surprised himself

"Just take your time" Andrea smiled at him

"Looking back, I don't think things had ever been good, we never talked about my Dad's family, never saw them" he looked at his hands "Then one day this man came round, he was shouting, they were all crying and I remember Dad defending Mom I don't remember the detail, I was only about four or something like that" he smiled "I remember that night Mom and Dad were arguing all night, or it seemed like all night, then the next day I woke up, and the house felt different" he looked up at Andrea "That was the day my world changed, I mean it was gradual, Dad stopped working, then started drinking, then there wasn't any food, then there was no cleaning getting done, no hugs, nothing"

"How did that make you feel?"

"Lonely, like I had to step up, save my family, hungry, I remember the hunger, I was tired most days fed up of picking one or the other of them off the floor, angry because I was so frustrated with school, I thought it was because of everything going on at home why I couldn't learn" his anger bubbling as he remembered the frustration "I hated them when they gave me away, I mean I looked at them and I don't know what stopped me from shouting it out loud" he laughed "But today I think they were right, this was the best thing for me, I would never have got all this help and support if it had been left to them"

"So, what do you think of them now, today?"

"I think they were right, they knew best, I'm grateful they saw what was going wrong for me and sorted it out, and I sort of understand why that couldn't be left up to them"

"What was it you said we needed more than six weeks to do?" she smiled

"Forgive my parents" he grinned "I guess they are just human, allowed to make mistakes and allowed to make them right"

"Wise words for someone who's going to mainstream school after the summer" she giggled at the look on his face

"They agreed that?"

"Everyone has" she told him "Congratulations" she sat back watching him punch air "You'll still see Carmen once a week and you can book sessions with me if and when you need to"

"That's great" he wanted to hug her, but they didn't have that kind of relationship

"Now go enjoy the rest of your summer holidays"

Sam couldn't wait for summer to be over he'd got a new focus on learning, he'd been assured things would be made easier for him by using some of the tools he'd been given to adapt things for him, he was ready. The first day he was up earlier than usual, dressed in his new uniform, his shoes shining, he was never going to take this for granted again, he walked to school with Brittany, Blaine and Tina, Finn has started college a week earlier, and was looking to move out.

"This is your class" Tina dropped him off "See you at break"

He opened the door and peeped in everyone was settling in and he suddenly remembered what he hated about classrooms "You must be Sam" the man he presumed was the teacher asked "I'm Mr Lynn, just find an empty seat" he stood looking at the class there were no empty seats

"There's one here" a voice called from the back

"At the back" Mr Lynn" pointed him in the direction

Sam walked through the bags, books, and bodies finally seeing the empty chair at the back of the class "Sam" the face beamed at him

"Yeah" he sat down and looked at her again "You're Ms Carmen's daughter" he pointed at her remembering

"Yes, Mercedes" she held her hand out introducing herself "We're going to be working together"

"A lot?"

Maybe" she smiled at his flirt

"Fine by me" he smiled to himself