Don't Want To Lose You
"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain."
Trayvon was a strong headed young man, the kind of guy you'd expect to be the child of the original divalicious Mercy Evans, and the moralistic Sam Evans, so the events that were about to unfold weren't a surprise to them for several reasons. It could have easily been something they could have laughed about right now, having survived it themselves, but back then, when it was happening, funny was the last word they'd have thought of.
Looking at their son's face, they knew right now, Trayvon wasn't in the world of funny either, for him everything felt so final, so real, so painful. They sat in the kitchen in silence looking at their broken son, their appetite for their evening meal diminished, unable to find the words to bring him comfort, wanting so much to assure him that this too would pass, but knowing those weren't the words he'd want to hear right now
Trayvon had gone off to college just over three years ago, he was breaking the mould and studying history, he'd been interested in his heritage as a child and that had grown into a passion when he announced the library was the best place in the world to be. Sam and Mercy thought he used the library as a heel while they were busy climbing to the top of their tree, he'd travelled with the singing duo all over the country as a child and went from school to school, subsidised by private tutoring when exams and stuff were due, and somehow won the battle.
He'd got into his first choice which was Harvard and was looking forward to being away from home and all the upheaval that had become his life. Sam had struggled with signing his application, but in the end his education won out, the fact that he'd been working towards this for nearly four years paled into insignificance for him, against the thought of losing his son.
The boy hadn't been at the University for two weeks before he started talking about this girl Kaylene, Mercy gave it credence the first few times but after conversation ten, she put it all down to the boy punching above his weight, no one was that perfect. Half term happened and their boy turned with Kaylene on his arm, wanting his parents to accept her not only as his girlfriend but to condone the fact that she was staying over.
Kaylene was of mixed heritage the blend of Caribbean and Irish gave her deep blue fall into eyes, dark straight hair and thin lips, the kind of pretty that didn't need makeup to enhance the look, she was of slender build, and at about five foot ten she was four inches shorter that Trayvon. Mercy had some serious issues with her staying, no way was her 20 year old bringing his girlfriend upstairs let alone to his bedroom, they struggled with that for the whole of the holiday while Kaylene stayed in the guest room, and spent her time trying to win their hearts.
That first visit Trayvon showed signs of getting serious about this girl, but when he brought her home for the holidays for the second time, they shared a look, it didn't seem like this girl was going away any time soon. Mercy felt the need to actually try to get to know her this time, they sat at the kitchen table, preparing vegetables for their meal, Mercy trying to pick her moment, deciding she had a right to ask questions before she looked up at her son's girlfriend
"So, Kay" Mercy stopped peeling to get her attention "Why haven't you gone home this holiday?"
"To be honest with you, I told my parents I had a project to complete over the holidays, they're not much for the celebratory seasons, so we don't do anything special"
"What do your parents do?"
"My Dad's a Surgeon and my Mom's a Dentist"
"And you're doing history?"
"Yeah I don't fancy blood and guts for a living" she laughed "Von told me he travelled a lot when he was growing up, it all sounded very exciting"
"I don't think that's the word he would have used for it back then"
"He doesn't say it was all bad" she looked at Mercy concerned "He loved that he was with you guys"
"Did he?" Mercy asked surprised "We would never have guessed back then"
"With hindsight I guess" Kaylene laughed "I hear we have shopping on common?"
"Love it, which woman doesn't?"
"We should do that sometimes, take a day"
"Sales start tomorrow if you don't have any plans we could take a day"
"I have a day" Kaylene smiled
The day was intermate, just the four of them, for dinner followed by presents, singing which melted down into a mini disco all four of them dancing and singing as they move around the room to some of their favourite songs on repeat in honour of Kay's untraditional festive celebrations.
After that first Christmas together they totally bonded, Kay became a household name, she was there at every holiday, she'd managed to bond with Sam through her knowledge of art, his favourite pastime, and Mercy through shopping of course, as well as her love for conversation, over time the four of them became regular fixtures at family and some social events.
Three years on, if anyone should ask them, they'd say they loved her like a daughter, so for University to be over and her back in Barbados with no view of coming back to America it was devastating for them, but Trayvon was absolutely distraught.
Kay was supposed to have been arriving on Saturday, but a letter had arrived this morning telling him her parents had forbid her from coming, telling she wasn't to have any more contact with him, and she'd had to hide to get the letter to him. She told him how broken she was and asked him not to try and make contact as that could get her into deeper trouble, now after delivering the news to his parents, he was sitting there wondering what sort of trouble their relationship had brought on her, angry at not knowing if she was safe, and trying to work out what he was going to do now.
"Well maybe if we had a word?" Sam offered
"I really don't want to talk about this anymore Dad, maybe tomorrow, may I be excused?" Trayvon got up and walked out the kitchen without waiting for an answer
"What are we going to do?" Mercy asked her husband
"I think much like us back then, it's going to be up to him to fight for her if he really wants her"
"How the hell is he going to do that across the water?" she raised her voice at him
"I'm not Kay's parents Merc, I haven't said she can't come here" he looked at her wide eyed
"Sorry I just see him hurting and I don't like not being able to do anything about it"
"That goes double but, if their love is anything like ours they'll win through" he grabbed her hand from across the table "I have every faith that he'll work this out"
"Promise?" she looked into his eyes
"Promise, stop worrying"
"I worry for him going through the same thing as us"
"We're not like our parents"
"But it seems like they are, and we never quite found a way to deal with ours did we?"
"Then that's a choice for Kay to make isn't it" the look they shared telling each other they'd stepped back in time for a hot minute
Flashback
There's was a north and south situation, they'd met by chance at a concert they were both doing, they'd never heard of each other to be honest, country was somewhere Mercy had never wanted to visit again, while hood was a place Sam wasn't familiar with. They'd been travelling with a few big name bands and artists filling in the gaps in the program with their one hit wonders, they'd managed to rack up back then.
"Sorry" they both laughed, looking up from their phones, after they'd ended up stood in front of each other and both stepped the same way to give way a few times.
"Please" he smiled moving out the way watching her as she walked off stage and he walked on, they didn't speak again for another week, it was a big festival, and they were moving around in droves.
"Hi" he smiled seeing her side stage after practice one afternoon "Remember me?" he asked with hope
"Yeah" she grinned "Hi" she managed to get out before her attention was drawn back by the women she was standing talking to
"Who was that?" Tesla asked her
"I don't know, I've seen him around a few times" her eyes followed him as he walked across the hall
"Are we really standing here talking about a white guy?" Shanese asked her "Was that a second glance?"
"No" Mercy giggled "I just looked, I wasn't thinking anything, he's white for crying out loud" if she was thinking anything else their attitude put her right off.
It had been at least a week later before their paths crossed again, but this time they were alone, that was how things tended to be on this tour around the south, considering the times, it was so steeped in racial history, no one dared to challenge the way things were. "We keep crossing paths and never talking, that's rude don't you think?" he smiled at her
"I think that's just what happens in these parts" she giggled, still walking, just in case anyone saw them stood talking, she didn't know what would happen
"So, if we were somewhere else you wouldn't mind talking?"
"Anywhere a bit more tolerant than here" she looked around disgusted "Reminds me of the films in the 1960s or something, I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it with my own eyes"
"I wouldn't have believed someone like you existed if I hadn't seen you with my own eyes" he stopped in front of her "I want to see you, I mean alone like this, talk or something"
"Or something?" she looked up at him suspiciously
"I don't mean that something" he laughed "I'll bring some food we could picnic together, share some music, that kind of thing"
"I'd like that" she smiled looking around for eyes "I better…" she pointed to where she was going
"Tomorrow at about 6pm, is usually finished by then, that will give us an hour at least"
"I'll try and get away" she grinned walking off, but not before turning back to see him stood watching her, giggling to herself as she
That was how they'd started as a well-kept secret, and they kept their rendezvous secret for the next five weeks, nobody knew what they were up to, and they liked the danger of that.
As they already knew all good things have an end, the gig finished, by which time they'd already decided the relationship was something they wanted to explore, so of course Sam's parents always being the liberal, kind, and upstanding sort he'd brought Mercy to meet then a week after the show finished.
"Mr & Mrs Evans" she walked up the front steps to two horrified faces, she could tell Sam hadn't mentioned the fact that she was black, and that right then seemed to matter. She was left on the front steps, while he was dragged inside, given the lecture and quite a few minutes later the two of them left abruptly, Sam dragging a suitcase behind him.
"Sorry Babe, I never knew they thought like that, I'm disgusted and ashamed of them" he hurriedly moved her off the premises, she'd paid for two nights in a nearby hotel, so they stayed there that night, amidst raised eyebrows, sneers, and hissed nasty comments. She'd talked him into giving things with his parents one more try, then the next day she caught an early coach back home, alone.
Sam's life was hell for the two weeks he stayed after that, his Dad thought he was the scum of the earth for bringing a black girl into their home, and never let him forget it, all Sam could think to say is "People don't think like that anymore dad" as he made his plans to move out and get as far away from these people as he could. They loved the same, they just didn't think the same, and because of that he couldn't see anything they'd ever told him as ringing true.
Sam and Mercy were still talking regularly, via phone, social media, and the like, and it seemed all the negativity around their relationship only made them more determined to be together. Three weeks in, and with Sam getting so frustrated with his situation, and her not being able to help him in any way, Mercy finally decided to bite her bullet and set things up for him to meet her family. She'd agreed for him to come down in a week's time, but things got so bad for Sam at home, he finally walked out, arriving at her parent's home three days early.
Sam had arrived at the front yard of Mercy's parent's house before he finally thought about what he was doing, it was much too late now, he looked at the posh cars on the drive before turning back to knock on the yellow door "Hi" he smiled when a rather large guy answered the door "I'm looking for Mercy"
"Who dat?" a thunderous voice came from behind the door, which swung open to reveal bulldozers, that was all he could see, he couldn't lie he was shivering, thinking maybe he should have known better, and called first, but he'd been so angry at his parents he hadn't even thought about it and now here he was having set himself up for a literal beating for turning up at her door, not just turning up, but being a white boy turning up
"Sorry I just came to see Mercy"
"He came to see Mercy" one of the guys called out
"Beg mercy more like" another one laughed
"Sam" he heard her little voice before he saw her pushing through the crowd to get to him, all he could do was breathe with relief "Never mind these fools" she cut her eye at them "My cousin's up from Brooklyn"
"Please tell me you're not dealing with this little fool?" one of them nudged Sam in the chest pushing him back a bit
"Dad" Mercy shouted, obviously she knew where this could go "Dad" she screamed when they made to grab Sam
"What the hell are you boys…" he stopped to look at the white boy "What's he doing here?"
"He's come to see me" Mercy told him "And they won't leave him alone"
"You know it ain't safe for his kind around here, what's wrong with you?" her dad asked
"Just tell them to back off, I'll take him away" she ordered in agreement with her dad
"Leave the boy alone" her dad told her cousins
"Come on" she grabbed his arm, grabbed her car keys as they left
Either of them able to return home they found a motel nearly 10 miles away, only staying long enough to make plans, call her parents to let them know who Sam really was and that she was leaving, the situation had forced them into thinking quicker. By the end of the they'd made their decision, they put their money together to rent a studio flat in California, packed everything they had into the back of Mercy's jeep, and they were gone.
End of Flashback
That had been 25 years ago, they'd spoken to their families since but only via phone and neither had held a conversation with the other's parent in the life of their relationship, which meant Trayvon didn't know any of his grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins none of it. Once they'd made it career wise, their family did try to tap into all that, but they were always able to put them off by reminding their kin the money was coming from the other half of them.
At this stage in their lives, they weren't about to forgive their parents Trayvon had grown up being thrown from pillow to post, jumping from one place to another because they had no family support. It wasn't like they'd never reached out to their families at times, when Tray was younger, they desperately needed the support only to find it wasn't there because they still blamed their children for falling in love.
"We made ours and I've never regretted a second" she smiled at him
"Me neither" he squeezed her hand "He's got a good head he'll make the right choice"
"I'm not in the mood for this" she looked down at the food in front of her "I'd have thought we'd gone through enough to spare him of all this"
"The world isn't changing everywhere"
"Anywhere" she rolled her eyes
"Come on, we need to practice" he got up leaving his meal too
They hadn't been able to really follow their passion in music, he loved country, she loved R&B, but it seemed their personal life story had found its way into their careers and anything they sung didn't get listed in the R&B or Country genre it was always easy listening or pop, so they'd gone with the pop label and worked accordingly. They were currently finetuning a few songs for their new album, which they'd had every intention of dedicating to Trayvon, like an, his life in song type thing, in the hope of answering some of his many questions growing up about his family.
The next day breakfast was eaten in silence, everyone waiting for someone else to say something, suddenly the silence broke "Have you decided what you're going to do about this son?" Sam asked, against the wishes of his wife who was frantically wiggling her head in objection to his questionings
"I've taken the night, I know she said it would be best for me to leave her along, but she didn't actually say that was what she wanted and so I think I'm going to see her"
"In Barbados?" Mercy gasped
"That's where she is" he responded with a note of surprise at the question "I heard what you said dad" he turned to look at him "But as you always say about rain and storms, dance in them, I think I'm going to try that" he smiled "Get my Evans charm on, it worked for you guys, maybe I'll be lucky"
"I hope you are" Mercy smiled at him
"Do you guys ever regret what you did, I mean the decision you made"
"Not once" Sam told their son
"Never" Mercy grabbed Sam's hand across the table, and Trayvon's who was sat beside her "And whatever you choose to do we'll support you, I know what Kay means to you, to all of us"
"So, you can guess there's a big ask coming" he laughed
"I'll sort your flight and hotel out" Mercy told him
"And not the most expensive one, he needs to want to come back home" Sam laughed
There was no time to waste, by the next morning Trayvon was on his way to see his girl, as he'd expected the reception from her parents was frosty, but at least there were no cousins waiting for him, like the not so funny story he's dad had told him about their past.
Using all the charm handed down by his father and all the sass he'd inherited from his mom with a good mix of friendly chatter from both, he made his lasting impressionable introductions and set about getting her parents on side, lucky for him they were too pleasant to just turn him away.
By day three they were showing cracks of coming around to the idea that he wasn't going to leave without a fight "What do your parents do?" her dad Wilbert asked him as they sat watching the women hanging wet clothes in the garden one morning
"They sing, professionally"
"So, you sing?"
"I do" he laughed "But not for a living, I couldn't raise a family like that"
"So, you want a family?"
"I do" he looked into the man's eyes "I love your daughter very much, I've come here to prove to you how much, and I want all of that with her, if you'll allow it, I plan on making her my wife"
"Don't you think you two are a bit too young to be making those types of long term plans?"
"Not really Sir, we've spent the last three years planning our lives together, we do need to get jobs, but once that's done that's the next step for us"
Trayvon literally talked his ass off the whole two weeks and smiled at coming away leaving her parents confident he was going to look after their daughter. They all went to the airport to see him off and hugs and kisses were in abundance
"Thank you for fighting for me" Kay whispered in his ear as she hugged him
"How could I not, I love you"
"I love you too" she kissed him eventually letting him go "Bye" she waved as he got smaller
He'd been keeping his parents up to date with what was going on, there was a lot of crying between Kay and Mercy, both were unsure as to when they became so close, but they were, finally a few hours later they were meeting their son at the airport, with lots of chatter on the way home about the country, her parent's, and his experience.
"I'm happy it worked out for you guys" Sam rubbed his son's shoulder watching him left his case out the car
"It worked out for you guys too" Trayvon told him "I guess I'm taking advice from that song of yours we sang" he looked at his dad
"Which one?" Mercy asked him, smiling as he started singing the song Sam and he had sang to her for their 25th anniversary
Trayvon: Mm, mm, you could give me chills on a summer day, yeah, when we're laying still but you make my heart race
Gonna keep me young when we're old and grey, I know that time moves on, but some things don't change
Trayvon (Mercy): (I won't stop getting butterflies, I, get them every time, I look into your eyes
You won't stop running through my mind, for the rest of both our lives, you give me butterflies) and I keep on getting (butterflies)
Sam: I still fall in love with you every time I see your eyes, it takes me back to the first time I saw you smile
They told us we were young and dumb, we didn't know 'bout love, now look at all the things we've become
Sam (Trayvon): (I won't stop) getting butter(flies), I, get them every time, I look into your eyes
(You won't stop) running through (my mind), for the rest of (both our lives), you give me butterflies
I keep on getting (Keep on getting) I keep on getting (Keep on getting) I keep on getting (Keep on getting) Butterflies
Sam (with Mercy & Trayvon): (ahh, ooh) When you walk into the room (ahh, ooh) I'm as nervous as the day I met you
(ahh, ooh) I've seen that dress on you before, but every time I do, I swear it only makes me love you more
And I won't stop getting butterflies, I (get them every time), yeah I get them every time, I
(I won't stop) getting (butterflies) I, get them (every time) I look into your eyes
(You won't stop running through my mind) for the rest of both our lives, you give me butterflies
I keep on getting (Keep on getting) I keep on getting (Keep on getting) I keep on getting (Keep on getting), Butterflies
Sam: I keep on getting, butterflies 'Butterflies' by Max & Ali Gatie
"That song?" Mercy smiled at Sam "Hits me every time I hear it"
"It's the song I used to make Kay fall for me too" Trayvon laughed
"You stealing my moves?" Sam tapped his son's chest laughing
"I had to, I didn't want to lose her, and in case you didn't notice, I've got both of you all's moves" he kissed his mom and walked away
"Double trouble" Mercy laughed
"I could join your duet you know" he turned to tell them "Make it a threesome" he rolled his eyes "Did that come out right?"
"Trio" Sam shouted after him laughing
"That was a joke dad" he waved at him
"He's grown" Sam sighed
"You do realise we don't want to lose you either?" Mercy called after him
"Never happening mom, love you guys"