Copacabana

The penthouse a place renowned for insane parties and unforgettable nights of drunken orgy.

There was no way of pinpointing when Jones slipped down the wormhole, there was nothing special about her childhood, she was an ordinary girl from an ordinary family with an older brother living in downtown Brooklyn. She went to church with her family every Sunday, attended the local school, and was an average student, there was nothing that made her stand out from the crowd.

At around 10 years old her Father started acting strange, he stopped going to church with them and suddenly there was lots of shouting, her brother was nearly 11 years her senior, so when things got too bad she'd be sent off to go stay at his place, which wasn't too far from their parents. In their neighbourhood that kind of stuff was standard, poverty hit people in different ways, that's what they'd learned at church, but until then poverty and bad behaviour had passed over their house.

As she started to bloom she joined a glee club at school and found her voice, at first there was resistance from her parents, they didn't see a future in singing in a glee club and wanted her to get her head in the books. One visit to her first regionals and they were hooked, their daughter had something, enough for them to see dollar signs pinging in their heads and of course their interest grew fast.

Before she knew what was happening she was being dragged out of school to stand in these god awful long ques for audition "Just sing" her Dad would hiss at her, his words of encouragement before she stood on the hot spot, she didn't know which one she was more terrified of, the actual audition or the consequences of the failure from her parents, either way she sang.

On the week of her final exam, she was stood in a studio in Los Angeles singing some song her Dad claimed was going to be the making of her, she didn't know how that was going to happen it was someone else's song, all she was thinking was that she really wanted to do her exam. She wasn't chosen and after that, her dreams slowly slipped away as her life became filled with their dreams, she was singing, performing, and travelling, but she might as well have been the poor relative for all she was getting out of it, now and again she'd get a new dress but that was it.

To this day she didn't know exactly what her brother had gotten into, but one day they got a message saying he'd been shot, she cried for hell to open up and take her when her parents decided she wasn't going to the funeral because she was going to be too busy at some damn audition. Her Mom went home for it and never returned, after that it seemed like her Dad was just too scared to go find out what the hell had happened to his wife, she was never heard from again, when she brought it up, her dad had told her she was to assume her mother was dead.

From that day it seemed like all her Dad's anger came at her, he never let up for a second, as she finished one performance he was busy talking about the next, signing paperwork, making decisions and drinking, lots of drinking "I can't" she stopped in the middle of the road one day several years later exhausted from all the work and walking around

"Girl" he turned to look at her with fire in his eyes "Your brother and mother didn't sacrifice their lives for you to give up" he hissed "Take a…" he walked off without finishing his sentence, she felt she had no choice but to follow him. They walked into a nearby shop and came out with some painkillers "Take two of those" he threw the box at her and walked off

"What are they?" she asked reading the box while she followed him

"Ibuprofen, those would knock all the pain out of a donkey"

"What happened to the paracetamol?" she asked familiar with the tablets her mother used to buy for her a few years back

"Call these their mother" he laughed, she resisted at first but with the pain of her heels, fatigue, and the constant pressure to be the best, she couldn't take the pain anymore, giving in and throwing two down her throat, just before she went on to do her show, three songs in as she started singing 'My Baby Just Cares For Me' by Ledisi & Metropole Orkest the meds started kicking in.

It feels good, mm-hmm, alright
My baby don't care for shows, my baby don't care for clothes, my baby just cares for me
My baby don't care for cars and races, my baby don't care for high-tone places
Beyoncé is not his style, not even Halle Berry's smile, something he can't see
My baby don't care who knows it, mmm, my baby just cares for me, ooh-ooh..

"This shit is kicking in" she smiled at the saxophonist as he did his thing, watching her dance with ease across the stage. She was doing amateur performances of jazz icons, apparently her voice was built for it, she surprised herself when an hour later she was still on stage not even thinking about her burning feet once. In fact, she found that when she took a couple of those pills she didn't have to think at all, she just merrily went along with the flow, and everyone seemed happy with that.

She soon grew to like the feeling of being the life and soul of the party, her Dad wasn't paying her much attention now, he was busy drinking his way through the money she was making, she dared one evening to sing one of her own songs while under the influence of her pills and all at once she was moving in a different direction, it didn't take much talking.

"He's holding you back Mercedes, cut him loose, wouldn't you like to be spending some of that money you're earning yourself?" Dustin whispered in her ear

And the plain answer to that question was obvious "Yes I would" she smiled at the elderly dark haired man stood beside her in agreement, so at the age of 18 she was out there on her own, having had a two year legal battle before she was able to let her Dad go as her manager, still unsure where her mother was, and knowing her only sibling was dead.

By the time she was 22 she'd been performing for nearly 11 years already, the road was her parent now, and there was no filter, she was hitting it hard and fast. There was more pressure, she missed the little care her father had given her, she began to eat less, drink more and pop pills like they were smarties.

Without realising it she'd slipped into a cycle of dependency, and there was no one around to talk her out of it, she was taking pills for pain, hurt, to dampen her emotions, to forget, to react, everything. She wasn't even feeling the pain in her feet anymore, although sometimes she'd look down and see them bleeding, it didn't feel like it was happening to her body.

She was taking the pills because, she couldn't focus, sleep, stand up, sit down, not realising those were the effects of using the things. She would always find something to tell people when they questioned her use, period pains, headaches, and if anyone questioned her excessive use or were persistent they'd be removed, she didn't want help, she wanted people to do as she'd asked, she was the diva.

At around 25 years old while celebrating her 15 years in the business, she had some sort of epiphany, she called a lawyer and brought herself a small apartment all in one day, some thought she was at the height of her madness, she didn't care she was banging out hits like they were sweets and now she could start spending her money on herself. With the new house came newfound friends the main couple went by the names Grant and Joe they were straight guys who changed their pronoun just to confuse everyone and themselves on a daily basis. With these two unsavoury characters in tow, there was always risk, so, inevitably her new home quickly became the party palace, there was always drinks flowing, music playing, single people strewn about where drugs and sex were the main agenda items, when she was in town.

Like everyone else she partied hard, it wasn't long before she was sat somewhere hallucinating, feeling depressed and anxious, needing to pop another pill, confused as to why, the habit forcing her to take the gamble on the trip ahead. Sometimes she'd surprise herself when she actually woke up the next day, having experienced a true out of body episode

Before she could blink she was basically running a very up market crack den, she wasn't using hard drugs, but her friends were, they thought it was alright to do it, and she didn't have the strength to tell them not to.

She'd been away for a few weeks doing a show, it hadn't gone too well she'd missed a few dates, because she was totally out of it, and had finally got home deflated and upset with herself "What the hell?" she walked into her apartment to see people in it

"You're back" Joe popped his head in front of her face "Just a few friends"

"Get rid Joe, I said you two could stay not half of freaking LA" she snapped at him walking off towards her bedroom

"Not in there" he called after her too late, she opened the door to see Grant in there with two girls and a man in her bed

"What the fuck Grant" she looked at him upset "In my fucking bed?" she shouted "Five minutes and I want everybody out" she looked round, seeing everywhere there was to sit, filled with some stranger's ass "Joe" she grabbed his attention again "I want everyone out"

"You heard the lady" he slurred at the people, nobody moved, some looked up for the noise but still no one moved

"Joe" she moaned "I want them all out"

"I'm trying" he walked over to her "But they all paid for the night" he whispered in her ear

"Where's the money?" she laughed "And how much did Grant pay for my damn bed?"

"Arr I tried to talk him out of that one, but you know Grant"

"We both know Grant and Grant knows me" she smiled at him, she was feeling shit anyway, she needed to perk up "Share the rent" she held her hand out

"I got a cocktail special just for you" he grinned dropping a couple of pills in her hand

"What are they?" she looked at the green and light blue pills

"Cocktail" he smiled "Enjoy the ride" he walked away leaving her to take the pills

She went back to her bedroom made sure Grant and his friends were out before she shut the door and took the pills, minutes later she remembered laying on the bed and that was it, she was woken by an almighty bang, and people screaming "Fuck" she gasped "This is a bad trip" her head spun round to the sound of someone entering her room "What the…" she just about got out before she was grabbed and physically carried away.

She wasn't even with much of what was happening all she knew she was in a really bad trip, but the pills were good it actually felt real. The van doors opened she stepped out into a yard, there were a lot of them there she knew that, but she couldn't see anyone she knew, things were happening to her she was being pushed pulled, there was talking but she couldn't make it out "Where am I?" she asked over and over again to no response "Where am I?" she asked the woman she found herself sitting next to

"Police station" the woman looked at her smiling "You'll remember in the morning" it seemed like seconds later, but the sun was beaming in from the small window high above her when she opened her eyes shocked

"Where am I?" she looked around seeing unfamiliar faces, it seemed everyone had become dumb at the same time, she sat waiting for something to happen, her head banging so hard she needed her pills "Anyone got any Ibuprofen?" she held her head asking

"Cigarette" one of the women offered

"I don't smoke"

"Miss Mercedes Jones" a police officer stood at the cell doors calling

"Yeah" she jumped up, unaware she was going to get tested for drugs in her system, be questioned and charged with having illegal drugs on her property, she left the station five hours later rattling. "What the fuck" she looked up at the sun going down, she'd literally spent a whole day in that place. She stopped a cab sitting in it before she realised she hadn't got any money or her phone on her "I've got the money at home just.."

"Out" the cab man ordered refusing to take her anywhere

"I've got the money"

"Out"

She didn't argue she just got out and walked for as long as she could, not really familiar with that side of town, she started looking for a familiar landmark "Jake" she looked up at the tall building in front of her remembering a night she'd run away from the tabloids and bumped into Jake, he was a young man, struggling with the whole stardom of it all, and for whatever reason he gave her a bed for the night.

She made her way to the front door, smiled at the guard "Copacabana" remembering the code to get in

"Mam" he moved to let her through.

She got to the apartment and stood at the door wondering if she'd made the right choice, frowning when her head reminded her that she needed a couple of pain killers "I'm here to see Jake" she told the second guard stood at his door

"Jones?" the guard smiled "It is you, isn't it?"

"Yeah" she smiled brushing her hair off her face, watching him open the door, even she knew she'd seen better days

"Hey" Jake smiled at her walking into his place "Just in time" he stood up leaving his friends sitting

"I came looking" she smiled taking his hug as she got to him

"Can't help I'm afraid, but you might be interested in what this man has got to say" he pulled her with him, sitting her between him and an older guy

"Hi" the guy who hadn't stopped talking until she got to them smiled, before he carried on "The problem for me was I always need more and I didn't care about the damage, or that it was the reason I didn't function, I just wanted more" he looked at the nodding faces "Same story as everyone else I'm guessing my body got tolerant and I needed more so I was spending more and in order to spend more I had to make more. My ball just carried on rolling until I woke up strung up to machines and fighting for my damn life"

"Wow" Jake shook his head at the man "I didn't get that far, but I was chasing, I guess I woke up one day and knew I needed something different"

Mercedes sat listening trying to work out what was happening, why these people were talking about this as if it were a problem, it was a fun, social thing, everyone needed something

"That was a year ago, I've had some intensive interventions since then, had to work really hard on myself and yes every day is a struggle, so it's really good to have a space like this to talk about stuff, I appreciate you doing this" the guy looked at Jake

"I'm addicted to paracetamols I mean I'm throwing them down a pack at a time, it's so hard juggling the pressure of performing, staying up there, getting new material, everything" a woman told everyone "I've overdosed a couple of times, things have gotten really crazy for me and my family, I've hit the floor a few times" she smiled at the group "But I think last night was my wake up call, I really want to do this, that's why I'm here"

"I guess the message I'm trying to get across to you all is that the music industry is an animal and if the drugs don't get you, the depression will, and we all need something to cope with that. Groups like this, I'm hoping, will be a start to something new for people like us, it's kind of hard to talk to your competition freely, but once you get past that, and realise it's not just you against the world, suddenly everything seems brighter" a grey haired man told them

"This is Jones" Jake finally introduced her to the group

"Brittany, as I said paracetamols" the blond smiled

"Will" the grey haired man who'd done most the talking smiled at her "I'm the lead on this program, hope you choose to stay"

"Sam" the blond guy tapped his chest smiling at her "It's alcohol for me"

"Jessie" a dark haired man smiled "Anything I can get my hands on"

"Bryan" a middle aged man smiled at her he was shaking the worst "Anything"

"Hi" she waved

"First time I'm guessing" Bryan frowned at her

"Very first minute" she replied nervously

"We've all in this together" Brittany assured her "We're here if you need us"

"We'll be in this together" Sam told her "It's everyone's first day"

"If you're not ready that's alright too" Will smiled at her

"No" she looked at him "I want to be a better version of myself" this wasn't the plan, the thought even, she hadn't even recognised she had a problem, but she'd just spent the night in a police cell and from there the only other way would be down, maybe if she at least tried to stop this wormhole of a life something good could come of it.

She smiled at the irony of it all, the last time she'd been here there was a party going on, she'd ended up in the bathroom with her knickers round her ankles after a miserable failed attempt to use the bathroom. On any other day that would have been the goal, but in this second, sat thinking about her days in church with her family, when that God they worshiped was the only thing that was true in her life, she saddened at the sudden realisation that maybe God had something to do with this.

They sat listening, sharing stories, the familiarities apparent, everyone becoming aware they weren't alone in their feelings, through the day they were walked through the intended process, introduced to various professionals and that night six strangers started this journey. She hadn't brought a thing with her, but she'd committed to taking these 14 days out of her life, locked in an apartment with these strangers, to see if she could find something new to live for.

If she had to pick out one thing that was hard about the whole process it was the fear of not liking the person she was going to become, she never knew Mercedes Jones without the blanket she used to cover up all the sadness, hurt, pain, and fear of being, or not being what everyone wanted.

Hers, like everyone else's self-esteem was shot, it was never going to be a smooth ride for them, they sat on top of imaginary pedestals in their worlds, they saw themselves as superheroes bringing forgotten messages to their audiences, after this fuck up, how were they supposed to go out there and be what people expected them to be, when they didn't even know who they were themselves.

Two weeks working on herself was invigorating, the group had lots of honest conversations, some deeply personal, while others were angry, sad, and even morbid, but they pulled each other through and got stronger for it. They'd all found their strengths and battled on with their weaknesses, building a strong network for themselves, learning new pass times, eating healthy and exercise. Some picked back up skills from the past like, writing or playing instruments, talents they'd left behind because their journey had changed

"Okay" Will clapped his hands once they were all sat in their familiar circle "Last day" he announced "Everyone needs to be thinking about what they're going to do, how they're going to cope outside this bubble, because that's going to be your biggest challenge to date"

"Jess and I have already agreed to be each other's go to person" Brittany told him "We live close enough to each other it makes sense"

"And I'm cool with that" Jess smiled

"We should meet up once a week, at least" Mercedes suggested

"I'd like that" Jake smiled "And I'm twinned with Bryan, I think you and I are too alike" he told Mercedes

"That leave me and you" Mercedes looked at Sam

"That's fine" he smiled

"And I'm at the end of a phone, you have my office number and anytime you need to do this again, I'm here" Will smiled "But in all honesty, I really don't want to ever see you guys again under these circumstances, just turn up at the bi yearly link-up"

"Will do" Jake smiled at him, watching the man get up

"Good luck guys" he smiled looked around the room at a job well done

"God this is scary" Jessie confessed as the door closed behind Will "We're on our own"

"Only if we want to be" Sam told him "I mean we've buddied up but any of you guys can call me anytime you need to"

"Same here" Brittany told everyone to mutters of the same

"I'm sure Jake's looking forward to having his space back and to be honest I'm seriously missing home" Sam told everyone as he got up "Anyone need a lift?"

"You drove here?" Brittany asked him

"Yeah, I was determined to stop, I saw Jake's feed" he told her

"I need a lift if you don't mind" Mercedes jumped in, everyone hugging before they left "I'll remember this penthouse party forever" she smiled as she hugged Jake "Thanks"

"You came up here" he reminded her

"Right party, right time" she smiled

"Always welcome at the Copacabana" he laughed shaking his hips to the imaginary music, watching them all pile into the elevator before he shut his door

"So" Sam opened his car as he walked towards it "Where am I taking you?"

"Melrose Tower"

"Oh" he smiled "That's where I live, 23"

"33" she smiled "We're on top of each other"

"Handy to know" he opened the door for her to get in, getting in himself, and driving off "This is the test" he smiled when the elevator doors opened on his landing

"You got coffee?"

"Yeah, I think so"

"So, I'm inviting myself in" she smiled aware of the struggle they were both facing now, alone, but together "Plus I want to hear that song of yours"

"Oh" he smiled "I forgot I promised that"

"Steel trap" she tapped her head, following him down the corridor to his apartment

"You know where everything is" he opened the door revealing his apartment which was identical to hers, she made the coffee while he grabbed his guitar "Day one" he strummed when she sat down

"Day one" she agreed