I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For
'Leave well alone because what should be yours will eventually be yours
Sam sat playing with his phone contemplating as to whether to make the call or not, it had been nearly a week since the split and if he was being honest, he was missing her. He was certain she was the one for him, their meet cute had been his dream for so long, he'd memorised it word for word, so when it happened he knew he'd found the one.
Sat there looking back, he didn't think it was ever about the love, it was more about him believing the relationship was what he'd been looking for and her being his miss perfect, as the weeks went on it was more about the companionship, he'd learned the hard was it was important to him to have someone waiting at home. Maybe it was the fact that everyone around him had someone to call at the end of their day or looking forward to going home to their loved ones, when all he had was an empty apartment with no one to call, not that she'd ever been that person.
He knew things had gotten too complicated and out of hand for them, yet still here he was sat fiddling with his phone thinking about that meet cute meeting with a smile on his face. It had been pouring buckets his hair was pasted to his head and his coat was dripping wet, he remembered laughing at the cliché in his head as he looked up at the thunderous sky, but he'd liked the look of her, and maybe that's where the problem was, he'd been too superficial.
Baby, oh, even in my heart I see, You're not being true to me, deep within my soul I feel, Nothing's like it used to be
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time, impossible as it may seem, but I wish I could so bad, baby quit playing games with my heart…
Flashback
His eyes fell on this girl walking towards him from across the street, it felt like his destiny, he was mesmerised, whatever it was it was a feeling he couldn't ignore. He remembered being fascinated at how smooth and silky her hair looked, like she'd just come out of a salon. The perfectly formed features of her face sent chills down his already cold spine as she giggled at someone getting totally windswept across the road, as she stepped onto the pavements, holding the bright blue umbrella over her perfect hairdo
"Don't you just love days like this?" he giggled, wondering where that had come from, he'd got no intentions of talking to her
"Sucks doesn't it?" she looked up at the sky before looking at him
"Not at all" he looked into her deep green eyes "I love it because I get to meet random people right on time for lunch" he smiled, wondering where that had come from too
"Flattered" she smiled turning to pay him attention "My name's Quinn, my friends call me Q" she offered her hand
"Nice to meet you Q" he grinned shaking her hand "I'm Sam" he rolled his eyes "And yes it's a family heirloom" he laughed "A curse handed down from generation to generation, but I just decided to own it last week" he laughed
"Have you ever discussed that with your parents?" she laughed
"I threatened to divorce them once, but my dad wouldn't lend me the money to do it"
"Wise dad, I like the name Sam" she smiled at him
"You're dripping you should get out of the rain"
"So should you"
"I guess we could try that together" he looked around "Café?" he asked pointing a short distance away
They set about getting to know each other, laughing at the fact that he'd always been fascinated by all things terrestrial, while she was very in the here and now, he couldn't see edges while she had everything tightly fitted into boxes. He loved to sing she preferred acting, she liked the outdoors he preferred quiet nights in cuddled up watching a movie, they were like chalk and cheese, but they left each other that afternoon excited for what lay ahead.
End of Flashback
He looked at his phone again trying to remember the bad times, the way he was feeling right now he was more than capable of clouding those over, this loneliness was all consuming "It wasn't all bad" he told himself searching through his contacts. Yes it had gotten to that harmful toxic place, but maybe he had something to do with that too, he sat searching his mind for the fault he was laying at his own door
(Quit playing games with my heart) with my heart (before you tear us apart) my heart
Quit playing games with my heart I should've known from the start
(You know you've got to stop) from my heart (you're tearing us apart) my heart, my heart
Quit playing games with my heart…
Flashback
That first date was amazing, she'd bounced through the door of the restaurant, and started talking straight away, he was taken back a bit at how buzzed she was but as she started rabbiting on he assumed she was just nervous.
"So?" she sat in front of him finally coming to a pause
"Sorry, I'm still catching up with the conversation" he laughed
"Yeah I tend to be a bit full on sometimes" she giggled "Nerves" she confirmed "I asked how you fill your days"
"Oh" he smiled "I'm a musician as I said before, so that, when it's happening pretty much takes up all my time, I'm generally doing gigs at weekends, tours sometimes, it varies" he sat trying to read her face, she didn't look at all interested in what he was saying and maybe that was the first sign, but he sailed right past it "And you, how do you fill your days?"
"I generally move from audition to audition, I've had a few near misses, done a few B grades and adverts, but things have speeding up for me right now"
"I can believe that" he smiled "You're gorgeous they'll be snapping you up all over the place"
"Thank you, but I still have to work at it" she laughed "A girl has to do what a girl has to do, if you know what I mean" she fluttered her eyelashes at him, maybe at that point she'd told him straight out, but his mind wasn't even focused on that shit, he was on a roll, about to get some and he was working his shit
"So, I'm guessing this is your one night off and you've chosen to spend it with me?" he grinned
"Hopefully, you won't make me regret it"
"What else do you do to relax?"
"Sleep" she snapped playfully "And other things that can be done in a bed, it's my favourite place" she gave a nautical look "You?"
"I like bed" he laughed "But a friend of mine has this cabin in Newfoundland, it's amazing up there and sometimes when I've had enough I call and set myself up some me time up there, nothing to think about or see for days"
"And that's your idea of heaven?"
"Absolutely" he looked at her worried, she'd made him feel like he'd just said the absolute wrong thing "What's your idea of heaven?"
"Being a household name in film" she announced firmly "I crave fame and I'll do what I need to do to get it"
"Anything?"
"Within reason" she frowned
He didn't even bother to ask what her boundaries were, he just assumed she had something about her enough to know that a line couldn't be crossed "So if you're always thinking about work, when was the last time you had a vacation?"
"A proper one, before I left school maybe"
"And where did you go?"
"Disney" she laughed "My older brother talked me into taking my niece and nephew, we spent four amazing days there, I love letting my inner child go"
"I went to Disney when I was about ten or something, it is a place to remember" he giggled at the memory "I went with a cousin, I haven't seen him in a while actually, we had a great time, stayed at a massive hotel, ate out every night" he laughed "But I've been loads of places too, family holidays were my parents thing" he looked at the menu "And of course with the job, I see a lot still"
"You're one of those spoilt rich kids" she laughed
"I wouldn't have said rich, but dad had a decent job, if that's what you mean" he wondered where that comment had come from, but again he was getting to know the girl and apparently everyone had flaws, he could live with being called a rich boy.
The food was good, the conversation was flirtatious and of course they ended up at her place for coffee, she shared with two other girls, so she told him, he never did get to meet them because she came to his place the following weekend and sort of stayed there without being properly invited.
End of Flashback
He focused on his phone again, he'd scrolled down to T and still he was thinking about it, maybe he was just thinking about the good times because he was missing her or was it the idea of her, maybe he really needed to focus on her bad points and get his head out of this funk. He rolled his eyes at when the relationship started to go downhill, he didn't have to think too hard to come up with the first time he thought things were on that slippery slope
There were a lot of times but one in particular stood out for him as the loudest bell, he stood up and tucked his phone into his pocket already angry as he made his way to the café a drink suddenly feeling like the better option
I live my life the way to keep you coming back to me, everything I do is for you, so what is it that you can't see?
Sometimes I wish I could turn back time Impossible as it may seem, but I wish I could so bad, baby
You'd better quit playing games with my heart…
Flashback
She'd been away for three days shooting some advert for mints, he'd kept himself busy working in the studio with a few artists, something he regularly did in between jobs, they were coming up to their 3 month anniversary. As far as he was concerned they were getting on well enough for him to be thinking about considering her to be his significant other.
She was due home that Tuesday afternoon, they'd spoken earlier that morning, just before she got on her flight, and planned for him to pick her up. He'd been excited about some of the names she'd dropped and was hoping to meet some of them as they came through check out. He got there earlier than he needed to, sat in the car for a while fidgeting before making the decision to stand and wait inside, the crowd started coming through his heart was beating fast, he was unsure if it was about the celebrities or her
"Hi" he waved excitedly as she came into view, she smiled shyly and walked slowly towards him, he went to step forward when she swung round and grabbed some guy's hand. He stood watching her looking lovingly at this guy, they didn't say anything to each other, but their actions spoke volumes "Who was that?" he asked when she finally let him go and came over to him
"A good friend" she looked back at the man still watching her
"How was everything?" he tried to change the subject she'd just come back the last thing he wanted to do was start an argument
"It was good" was all she had to offer
"You must be tired" he grabbed her case and held her around the waist to escort her to the car
"Actually, I am, do you mind if I go home tonight?"
"Not at all but I thought we could.. you could sleep at mine, it's quiet enough"
"I'm not good company today babe, it's the come down from the shoot I guess" her eyes were trying to show tired, but he could tell that wasn't the case, something was going on, but for whatever reason he chose to ignore it, that day. That night at home turned into a couple of weeks, there were calls, texts and one night she passed by, but that was cut short by a headache, following a private call, life for them had changed, and he needed to find out why, so of course he made a visit to her place
"Q" he smiled at her opening the door, he didn't wait for the invite he walked in, stepping back at seeing the big guy from the airport sat on the couch "Who's this?" he asked, remembering he hadn't been introduced to him before
"A good friend, I told you already" she looked at the guy before looking back at him "We became friends on set"
"Friends on set?" he looked at her "And already you're spending all your time with him?" Sam asked
"So, are you saying I can't have friends now?" she asked making him feel like he was in the wrong
"Sure, you can, just answer my damn calls" he hissed "I guess I'll leave you to… your good friend" he snapped, he'd been caught off guard on that one, the man was built like a brick, hadn't said a word just stared at him the whole time, he saw his life flash in front of him, it was all he could do to get out of there alive.
End of Flashback
His mind had told him cheat then, but whether he was trying to be cool, play the idiot or really hadn't clocked on, right this minute he didn't know, all he knew was he carried on in that relationship that was fast becoming a best friends fall out kind of thing, maybe he needed absolute closure.
"Sorry" he grabbed for whoever it was he'd just sent flying across the floor, missing them, he immediately went in for the rescue "It's my fault I wasn't…" he held his hand out for her to grab
"…Don't you just love days like these?" she giggled pulling herself into a sitting position to look into his eyes
"Sorry?" he asked, waiting for the fall out, this girl looked like she was about to raise hell "Are you hurt?" was all he could find in his defence
"Only my pride" she grabbed his hand and jumped up, quickly letting go of his hand "But I always try to find a positive in everything that happens to me" she laughed "I guess I got to meet a cute guy" she smiled up at him "Thanks" she nodded and walked away
"Hey" he called after her, smiling at her using a familiar line on him
"I'm fine" she called back, carrying on her journey, he stood watching her walk
"Did I just have a meet cute?" he laughed asking his friend Jake walking towards him
"Dude you knocked the woman to the floor" he laughed
"It felt like a meet cute"
"I thought you were about to get slapped" Ryder, another friend, laughed
"Do you know her?" Sam pointed at the woman wiggling off in the distance
"There are new chicks every day, LJ gets so damn nasty sometimes" Jake laughed
"That wasn't just some chick" he smiled at her finally turning a corner and looking back at him as second before she disappeared
Baby, baby, the love that we had was so strong, don't leave me hanging here forever
Oh baby, baby, this is not alright, let's stop this tonight…
The last thing Sam needed right now was a new love interest, but at that second it was more appealing than going backwards, he'd vowed a long while back he'd never do that, there was never any point in trying to repair broken bridges if your heart weren't in it, and at some point he'd decided his heart was nowhere near it.
Did he really need to remind himself of the reason he was standing in this place now, having taken this job after Quinn's unsavoury dear john delivery, which unfortunately wasn't on paper?
Flashback
He'd been on tour for three days and had another one in the pipeline at the end of the week, which meant he'd be home for less than 24 hours, of course he'd called her, even though at this point he knew she really didn't care, he was keeping up appearances, not wanting his friends to know he was in trouble already with this new relationship he'd been bragging about for nearly two months.
Landing at the airport he was met by some random girl holding up a sign with his name on "That's me" he walked towards her concerned "Who are you, what's happened to Quinn?"
"Oh" she giggled "I'm Rachel, Q asked me to drop these off for you" she held his keys in her hand
"Is something wrong with her?"
"She just said something had come up and would I drop your keys to you on my way" Rachel told him
"Okay" he took his keys
"I'm one of her roommates by the way, heard about you but we've never met"
"Oh" he smiled "Rachel, yes heard about you too" his mind hadn't been with this girl talking to him, he was busy wondering what could possibly have stopped Quinn from meeting him, knowing he was running low on time this time around
"Good things I hope" she laughed
"So, where did you say Q was again?"
"At home as far as I know" Rachel turned on her heels "And that's a little more information than I needed to tell you so, bye"
"Yeah" he watched her walk away "Oh, and thanks" he waved his keys, shouting after her
After that cryptic conversation he was bound to want to know more, why Rachel had said too much after mentioning she was at home, something was happening, maybe it was a surprise for him, they hadn't been on great terms for a while, she knew he liked surprises, he'd pictured some action movie, popcorn, sex, and more sex was on the cards.
He jumped in his car and made his way over to her apartment "Q" he knocked the door loudly
"Hi" someone woman's face poked around the door "She's in the bedroom, what do you want?"
"I'm Sam" he smiled at who he presumed was the third housemate
"Does she know you're coming?"
"I should imagine so" he looked at her confused for the question "Why do you ask?"
"No reason" she turned and walked further into the apartment "I know better than to get involved in her life"
Sam followed her in, he was familiar with the apartment he made his way across to her bedroom "Surprise" he smiled opening the door to see her jacked up against the wall, legs spread eagle with said friend giving it large "Q" he gasped at having the wind taken out of him "Is this why you couldn't come pick me up?" he asked feeling stupid at asking the question
"Shut the damn door" the man's voice bellowed, he didn't even lose his pace
Whatever fight Sam had in him left at that second, he should have known a look that had turned into a kiss a month ago was bound to turn into this. He had questions lots of them, but that moment wasn't the time to ask them, he closed the door walked across the room and out the door. But his lesson wasn't learned then he still sat around for two days waiting for her to contact him and apologise or at least explain to him why she'd done that, the text he'd sent as he left for his next gig got an answer 'You'll find the one for you', to this day there'd been no explanation.
So now he was asking himself that question he'd asked four days ago
End of Flashback
"Surely she wasn't the one" his heart leaped at his phone ringing, a smile on his face at her face appearing, she'd come to her senses "Q?"
"Sam" she burst out crying "I made a stupid mistake, he was a mistake, he was meant to be a friend and we overstepped" she cried "Please say it isn't too late for us"
"Q" he rolled his eyes, why was he happy to hear this shit "I don't know…"
"Just come see me when you get back, we can at least talk"
He didn't see any harm in talking, maybe she was ready to explain her damn self, their three month relationship had been so deep at one point, it was hard for him to believe everything about it was a lie "I'm not coming to your place, we'll meet at Bob's Bar" he told her
"Okay, what time do you get in?"
"About ten thirty tomorrow night"
"I'll be waiting" her tone changing to one of triumph, the smile on his face causing comment
"In the good books?" Matt smiled
"Very much so" he giggled, happy his intuition wasn't wrong
The gig seemed to end quickly, Sam found himself unusually excited for the pending meeting, stepping off the plane finally home again, and hopefully back on track with his girl. He stepped into his apartment dropping his bags freshened up and changed into her favourite jeans and blue shirt, satisfied he'd done everything to please her.
He walked into Bob's reciting his few well-chosen words, a demand for an apology at the head of it, his eyes searching the bar for her, smiling at she came into view "Q" he called waving as he made his way over to her. Suddenly stopped in his tracks watching the woman lean in and kiss a random, grabbing the back of his hair, the way she grabbed his when she really wanted him "Quinn" he gasped when he got to her
"Sam" she pulled away shocked to see him "It meant nothing"
"Nothing?" he asked, rolling his eyes, wondering what the fuck he was doing here again "You know what, I quit" he huffed
"Sam" she stepped towards him "We can…"
"Let's just leave it, you're not what I'm looking for" he held his hands up stopping her from touching him "I won't bother you again, just lose my number"
"But…" she took another step closer
"No" he warned turning to walk away, she'd humiliated him for the very last time, he went rushing towards the exit, he needed air, his head was about to explode
I should've known from the start (you know you've got to stop) from my heart
(You're tearing us apart) my heart, my heart, quit playing games with my heart, quit playing games with my heart
'Quit playing Games With My Heart' by Backstreet Boys
His hand pushed the exit door roughly, he knew immediately he'd hit something the minute the door resisted "Sorry" he gasped as he watched the person hitting the floor, reaching out to grab them but missed "I'm so sorry…" he stopped looking at the person laying on the floor "It's you" he gasped
"It's you" she smiled "Another nice day" she looked up "Well evening" she held her hand out for him to let her up "Are we about to make this official?" she jumped up onto her feet "Seriously, you'll have to find a better chat up line, if you've found what you're looking for just say" she giggled
"I'm truly sorry, I wasn't…"
"That's fine" she laughed "I'm joking"
"I mean, I…my names Sam" he laughed "And I'd love to buy you a drink, as an apology"
"Technically Sam you owe me two drinks, and a paper"
"You flunked?
"No" she laughed "I got a distinction actually, but I wanted and exceptional distinction"
"Is there such a thing?" he laughed
"There is, and I'd love to" she smiled looking down at their hands still firmly gripping each other "Mercedes" she squeezed his hand
"Hi" he smiled back, unsure why he was more than willing to see where this meet cute went.