23. Colourblind
They chose you out of thousands, love them like no other.
"Sam" she gasped dramatically over the phone
"Babe, what's up?" his voice just as dramatic as hers
"I want you to come home"
"Babe" his voice upset, she could tell he was rolling his eyes at clingy bitch Mercy coming out again, the version of herself she always wanted to throw back in its bag whenever it threatened to jump out of her, but this time she had reason "You know…"
"It's fine babe, I know" she giggled
"Don't do that babe it gets me agitated"
"I just wanted your attention" she giggled it off, if he'd have been standing in front of her he'd have known that wasn't a real laugh
"You always have my attention" the smile in his voice apparent in his tone "What's up?"
"They cancelled tonight's performance"
"Why?" he asked alarmed at the news "You've worked so damn hard for that"
"I've got to go in a speak to Frank in the morning, something to do with the leading man"
"Why didn't he see you today, that's a day away?"
"I don't know babe, but I'll let you know as soon as I know" she assured him
"If I weren't so far away"
"Opportunity missed" she frowned "I'm sure we'll make it up"
"Babe" his voice telling her what she knew already, sex was high on his agenda
"I know, break a leg" she blew him a kiss down the phone "I love you"
"Love you" he echoed before the phone went dead
She'd found a lump in her breast a few days ago and ran straight to her GP who had sent her for further tests having confirmed there was a lump. The words that came out of her GP's mouth had sent shivers down her spine, her mother and aunt had passed early in life due to cancer and she'd always been aware of the possibility of it getting her. As far as she was concerned she'd done everything she could to ward it off, healthy eating, exercise, regular check-ups but that morning she'd woken up to an unfamiliar pain in her nipple, and later that day, although the pain had gone she was leaking from it so of course alarm bells sounded.
The mammogram, accompanied by an ultrasound two days later alerted her to the fact that further investigation was needed, and today she was attending the clinic again to undergo a biopsy. Things were just starting to get real for her now, hence the call to Sam, she had no one else to call, no one else she wanted to be with, or see when this shit hit. At the same time, she knew what this tour meant to him, to them, they'd both been actors previously, this past year Mercy had left the set and taken to the stage while Sam was trying his hand at music, something he'd always wanted to do, he was good at it. So as soon as filming finished he'd gotten together with Finn, Puck, and Blaine to start their band and had been mega successful at it
They were all good enough friends, without hesitation she knew if their partners; Rachel, Kurt, or Quinn knew what she was about to go through they'd be there like a shot, and if Sam knew anything about this she might have asked at least one of them to go with her, but until she knew for sure, this was how it was going to have to be
Mercy and he had met on set, it wasn't their first acting job, but it was the first series they'd both been involved with, and by season two they'd become series regulars and ended up being love interests. The drama had forced them together but off set they started making their own chemistry, and that was the beginning of them, their co-workers warned them that these relationships hardly ever lasted past wrap day, but they'd surpassed expectations eight years ago and had gone on to get married a year ago.
Now this, they'd barely got out of their honeymoon period, and she was being handed this bombshell, she'd sat seven years ago listening to the doctor telling her mother the words she knew she was about to hear, and for the life of her she couldn't imagine what she was feeling back then. She closed her eyes for a minute, trying to calm herself down opening then quickly as massive words such as microcalcifications, biopsies, cancerous and death zoomed towards her.
The procedure today was going to be performed with minimal invasion, she wasn't even spending the night, but she'd booked the night off work just in case the results were bad to give herself a night to come to terms with it, maybe once she knew more she'd bother Sam with it all.
She jumped in her cab to make the short journey to the clinic, smiling as she walked in to see the familiar receptionist "Mrs Evans, Heather's ready for you, go straight through" she smiled nodding at the door
"Thank you" Mercy smiled carrying on straight through
"Mercedes" Heather; the surgical oncologist smiled welcoming her in "Take a seat let's have a chat" she pointed at the chair
"Okay" Mercy took the chair something about this consultation was familiar, she'd been a 7 year old child when she'd visited a similar place with her mother when her aunt had left, crying into her mom's chest, she remembered being scared until they had milkshake and ice buns at the café, and somehow it became the best day ever.
"So" the familiar voice brought her back to the room "We use this core needle biopsy procedure to get more information about the lump in your breast, it's just inserting a needle into the lump…." Mercy wondered off again it was as if this was happening to someone else, she really didn't want to be there "Mercedes?"
"Sorry" she jumped
"We can slow this down for you if you want"
"I just need it to all go away" she wiped her eyes
"That's what we all want" Heather assured her "We'll get the sample we need, and I'll get you a quick half an hour with our psychologist, but I think the best person to be here right now is your husband"
"He's away on tour, I plan on telling him when he gets back"
"I think you need the support now, isn't there anyone that can be here with you today?"
"I don't want to tell anyone till I've told him" she looked into Heather's eyes, knowing she wanted to tell her she was being silly, but she didn't care, if Sam didn't know no one else was going to and that was final "I'm listening"
"If you're sure"
"I'm sure" she smiled "Needle in the lump…"
"We'll take a sample of the tissue and send it off to be examined and we should know the pathology report by this time tomorrow" she turned with the needle in her hand "So, I'll send you an appointment time for us to look at it"
"So, what can I expect?"
"To jump onto the table" Heather smiled "Let's get the formalities over with and then you might listen to the next step" Mercy didn't answer she just took her blouse and bra off and lay on the couch with the blanket covering her
"I don't want any pain killers or anything like that, if this is malignant I'll be taking more pills than ever"
"Try and think positive Mercedes"
"I am" she giggled nervously
"Just relax, close your eyes and think of your favourite holiday"
"Oh, that was just over a year ago in Cayman, sand, sea and se… sorry" she giggled "It was our honeymoon"
"Most honeymoons have sex in there somewhere" she laughed
"Some can have too much" Mercy laughed
"Close your eyes and go back there" she laughed "Just don't mess up my table" Mercy closed her eyes again, feeling the cold liquid hit her chest, there was some wiping, and pin prick an invasion and it seemed like seconds and the woman was wiping again "All done" Mercy heard the needle fall into the metal pan "Take a few minutes before you get up"
Mercy was at the beach again, the water slapping around them on the secluded beach as they went at it in the middle of the sea, the salty water making her insides rough as he pumped in and out of her, her legs wrapped around his waist, her arms around his neck, him pulling her onto him and pushing her off with ease. The hiss as air passed through his lips as he neared his end, her head flopping back so far she could feel herself falling, she smiled at the memory that they'd had a sensual morning and that was the icing on the cake it didn't take long, but it was intense.
"When you're ready Mercedes" her eyes flickered open at the sound of someone in the room
"We're done?"
"For now, yes" Heather sat down "So next steps" she took the surgical gloves off and threw them in the bin with the ball of surgical refuse she had in the pan beside her "So I guess you know we're hoping for a benign result and in that case we won't need to do anything else" she smiled "A typical lesion is a bit more complicated and will need to be surgically removed, because they increase the chances of cancer developing"
"I think I know this"
"You probably do, but I wouldn't be doing my job fully if I didn't tell you again" she smiled "We might be dealing with Lobular carcinoma which isn't a cancer, but it indicates that the cells are growing faster than we'd like them to" she frowned "Then there's Ductal carcinoma and if it does come back saying it's malignant we'd pray it was at this stage, this is the earliest and we can get that under control quickly"
"Then there's evasive ductal carcinoma cancer, the harshest if left untreated, that was what got my mom and my aunt" Mercy told her
"So, you know our chances are much better because you've caught this super early"
"I try to keep positive" she smiled weakly humming the chorus of a familiar song
"That's a beautiful song"
"I sing it 7 times a week to audiences of over five thousand and make them believe it, I'm sure I can make myself believe everything is going to be alright for just a minute"
"I know you can" she touched her arm in sympathy "Whenever you're ready you can go, I'll be in touch with you this time tomorrow, if that's good for you?"
"Yeah it's good" Mercy took the leaflets she was handing her
"Those basically tell you everything I've said today, and this one, tells you about what might happen tomorrow" she handed her another leaflet
Needless to say, Mercy got no rest the whole night, it was a good thing she'd taken tonight off, as good as Sam always told her she was, there was no way she'd have coped with this level of stress and a good performance. Totally stressed about the whole ordeal as well as the results the next day she hardly got any sleep but pretended to be tired when Sam called to check up on her. The TV was watching her stare at it, the coffee was sat getting cold next to a glass of wine sat next to it getting warm, she jumped off the couch she needed to go out, get drunk and forget, but that life was something that was afforded for her, they were both pretty big deals in the world of fame, she turned the box on, searched through her playlist and found the prefect pick me up song pressed play and started dancing along to 'Flowers' by Sweet Female Attitude getting into the groove before she started singing along, moving around the room visualising the memories of Sam and her going crazy on the dancefloor
…And if one day you went away, I'd feel so lonely inside I can't deny that I would break down and cry
And all those flowers they would wilt in the rain, and it would cause me misery and pain
Because I need you so, woah, baby, and I will never ever let you go
I'll bring you flowers in the pouring rain, living without you is driving me insane
I'll bring you flowers, I'll make your day, the tears you cry, I'll dry them all, away, woah, baby…
Eventually she found sleep, which lasted all of an hour before morning came into the room startling her, she sat up quickly, checking her phone, the call wasn't due until 2pm but she decided to use the time to read all the pamphlets, think through all the scenarios, and come up with a plan. A few more cold coffee's, uneaten breakfast items, and empty water bottles it was time to get dressed to make the life or death journey to the clinic
She got to the clinic half an hour early, eager to get on with her life, but knowing something about her body wasn't right, she looked at Heather's face and her legs crumbled from under her she knew it was bad news "Mercedes" Heather touched her arm
"Yes?" she looked at her blankly
"Are you hearing me?"
"Yes" she gasped, wishing she was in that beautiful sea in Cayman wrapped in her husband's arms
"What are you thinking?"
"That I just got married, we're trying for a family, he won't cope with this, I can't cope with this, I…" she looked at Heather "I'm going to die" her body felt like it had left the room
"Mercedes, you heard me didn't you?" Mercy didn't hear any of it except those dreaded words 'Stage 2 breast cancer'
"Yeah" she looked at the woman, a never ending tear falling down her face
"Is there anyone you can call you shouldn't be alone"
"I need to call Sam" she mumbled "I need to get home and call Sam can you call me a cab?" she looked up at Heather again "I'll come back tomorrow can you send me an appointment?"
"Sure" the woman shoved more leaflets in her hand and watched her walk out before she called her receptionist to make the arrangement and call the cab
Everything was such a haze, she could see herself leaving the clinic, getting in the cab, talking evening but it all seemed so outside of her. Finally, she got home, sat on the couch, and bawled into her hands, some of it was for the news she'd just got but just as much was for the upset she was about to cause Sam, he hated not being in control of things where she was concerned, he wrapped her in a ball of wool and dare anyone to hurt her. Now this cancer had invaded her person and was taking over her body, it would be living in her body, putting up a damn good fight to stay there and grow, for how long she didn't know.
She picked the phone up and made the call "Babe" she burst out crying before she heard his voice on the other end
"Babe" somehow she didn't hear the eye roll in his voice he was shocked "What's happened, have they closed the show?" she couldn't answer she was sobbing "Babe"
"I need you to come home" she blarted out
"Babe" she could hear the eye roll in his voice this time
"Babe, I'm serious, I need you to come home, as soon as you can"
"What's the matter?"
"Babe will you just come home" she huffed "Please"
"I'll get there as soon as I can" he told her slamming the phone down she knew he was worried
Within 2 hours Rachel and Kurt were at her door "What are you guys doing here?" she giggled at their funny faces
"A call from a worried husband" Kurt hugged her
"They couldn't get out of tonight's performance, but he'll be here early morning, until then we have orders not to leave you alone and not to stress you out" Rachel told her with a hug "So, we're here now, and wouldn't mind seeing your show and Quinn's coming straight after her meeting, so she'll meet us there"
"What's up Diva?" Kurt asked
"I don't want to talk about it until Sam gets here, if you don't mind"
"He thought you'd say as much" Kurt flicked his jacket over the couch arm and sat down "Our job is to keep you smiling till he gets here"
They did all the usual stuff, met Quinn at the theatre, they all watched Mercy perform, the audience didn't know her, but they knew she was sad, so they followed that up with her favourite movie, pamper time, snacked, talked, laughed, and sang well into the early hours.
"We're trying for a baby" Rachel announced in the first available silence, they were always the couple that did things backwards, in a relationship that started with a proposal that was still yet to be honoured.
"Congratulations" Quinn smiled
"Mm" Kurt snarled "I was more hoping for a wedding date"
"You guys take your time" Mercy looked at Kurt smiling
It was nearing 5am, Mercy was clock watching, waiting for her husband to walk through the door "I hear noise" Quinn finally stood up at the car light flashing through the window
"Babe" Sam burst through the door with the others in tow "I came as fast as I could" he rushed towards her, watching her burst into tears at the sight of him, he couldn't wait to scoop her into his arms
"Dude" Puck looked at him, pointing at the door telling him they were leaving, Sam nodded his acknowledgement before getting Mercy to sit down, whatever this was, it was serious
"What happened babe" he grabbed her hands
"I found a lump in my breast a couple of weeks…."
"A lump?" he'd heard but he didn't want to, that wasn't what he needed right now, he'd always known this ran in her family, but he'd taken such good care of her
"Babe" she lifted her top up to show him the blotchy patch around her nipple
"That's nothing it's just…"
"Babe, are you colour blind?" she stopped him, needing him to understand and support her
"No" he looked properly at it before finding her eyes, his already filled with water "I'm scared for us, for you" he hugged her "Tell me what's happened so far"
He was listening for sure, but everything was hazy, it felt like he'd walked back into her dressing room 7 years ago and sat listening to her telling him about her mother, she'd just lost her a year earlier to cancer "Did you get a second opinion?" he asked
"I trust Heather, she didn't get it wrong"
"We're going to beat this you know that right?" tears welled in his eyes "I'm not losing you to this" he pulled her to him "I'll jump in there and fight it my damn self if I have to" they both sat crying at the situation they'd found themselves in
"I have another appointment for tomorrow, I cancelled till you got back" she pulled away from him and wiped her eyes, tired of crying
"We have an appointment tomorrow I'm not leaving you an inch until this is sorted" he corrected her "Do you have your care team set up already?"
"Care team" she jumped up remembering they needed a network of people behind them
"I'll sort it, that's what I'm here for" he smiled "I'm guessing you were too shocked to ask questions too?"
"I was, sorry"
"Don't apologise, I'm here now, we'll get through this" they spent the night wrapped in each other both aware of the fight they had on their hands and the role they needed to play in this. The appointment came quickly, Sam had called ahead requesting a care team be there to answer all their questions. They walked into the room to see maybe ten individuals sitting around all with their roles to play in their lives for the next maybe eighteen months, Sam started firing questions as soon as he sat down, he wanted to know everything, Mercy had finally got some sleep, but he'd been on the net researching. "So, are you saying chemotherapy first?"
"Yes we think that might be the best move, it's on the boarder and if we can shrink it we can opt for a lumpectomy instead of the proposed mastectomy" Heather confirmed
"So when would you want to start that?"
"We could start on Monday"
"That's four days away, don't we need to start straight away?" Sam asked
"You need to be prepared, both of you, you'll get a session with Tina straight after this and then Matt will walk you through the various procedures we're suggesting slowly" Heather told them. They spent the whole day at the clinic, Sam needed to get everything into his head, the staff were patient, giving them time to talk to each other, make decisions and get prepared, finally he agreed to Monday.
"What do you want to do?" he asked as they made their way to the car
"Spend some time with you" she looked up at him "Why don't you treat me to one of your concerts"
"I can't work babe, not with all this going on"
"It might be your last chance for a while, it would be a shame to miss out on this weekend, lets just book it and go, forget everything for the weekend, please?"
"Is that what you really want?" he looked at her "I mean you're not just doing this for me?"
"Not everything is about you Evans" she rolled her eyes laughed
"Really?" he asked shocked
"Well," she laughed "Maybe it is, but I want this too"
"And what my lady wants, she gets" he opened the car door to let her in "I need to call the guys, they think we've got the weekend off"
"Call them all, tell them we have news, and we can tell them all together" he was happy with that, so they made the call on their way home
Everyone got to their house at the same time, they all lived within a mile of each other, Kurt more worried than he wanted to say as they made their way into the house in silence. "What's going on?" he asked grabbing hold of Blaine's arm, everyone stood looking around the room wondering what was happening next
"Are you pregnant?" Rachel asked looking up at Finn trying to shut her up
"Guy's" Puck brought order "Let them speak"
"We have bad news I'm afraid" Sam broke the suspense "Mercy's got stage 2 breast cancer"
"God" Quinn gasped as tears burst out
"That was not what I was…" Finn stood stunned
"Expecting?" Mercy asked "Me neither"
"So" Blaine stepped forward "What's the plan?" he looked at Sam
"Well" Sam sat telling them all about the plan of action, there was crying, cursing and finally they went into battle mode, everyone settling up a rota for support by the time they'd all agreed this was going to be a weekend to remember they had Sam and Mercy's support plan in place.
They dropped everything to make the trip and ended up being groupies for the weekend, watching stella performances by their partners, that in itself was a rare treat. Sunday night was soon on them, everyone pushing for it to last just that bit longer, knowing what was on the other side of that night, but the show had to end, Sam grabbed his guitar and sat dedicating the last song to someone he called his heart, telling her he'd be there every step of the way, as he strummed and sang 'I Don't Need Anyone Else' by Liam Fitzgerald
Sam: When you feel down, I want you to know that I am around, and when you feel cold I want you to know that I'm here to hold
I want you to see that you here with me, makes my life complete, and I'm so happy with you in my life, that I don't need anyone else
Blaine and the others sat hearing the pain in their friend's voice, he'd been strong all weekend, but now the pressure was obviously beginning to mount, he couldn't help him right now, but he could support, he tapped on his instrument, smiling as the others followed his cue. Kurt, Rachel, and Quinn stood side stage hugging Mercy tears rolling from all of their faces, on stage and off at the emotional moment
Sam: I want you to know that I want to show this whole world that you're my girl, and I want to say that I don't need anyone else
When you're not here I want you to know that I need you near, and when you feel down I want you to know that I am round..
He abandoned his guitar and left the others finishing off the song, the only thing he need to hold right now was his wife "I guess it's time to start our fight" he grabbed hold of her
"I'm not leaving you babe"
"Damn straight"