Empire State of Mind
If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough.
"Go on" Charles pushed his daughter Mercy out the pew "Go sing with them"
Pastor James had called all the children in the congregation to come out and sing a chorus with the choir, she wasn't feeling it, the only places she sang was in her bedroom, or in the bath sometimes, there wasn't many other places she visited at 15 years old, her dad had her pretty much locked up. School, unlike so many other activities in her life, was a joy, she could forget the regimented life she lived, the verbal abuse inflicted on her for no reason other but to fill her with fear, the threats of violence for stupidness like not removing a plate in his time, she lived in fear
"Get up girl" he snapped she jumped out the chair and stood looking at him "And make sure I can hear your voice" he warned
"Yes daddy" she cowered walking off towards the alter where Pastor James and his choir were gearing up, getting ready to sing louder than the powerhouse lead singer for fear of the repercussions when she got home, although she didn't know the song
"Mr Jones" one of the women of the church smiled at the end of service, walking up to him "When are we going to see you up there permanently?" she pointed at the altar, all Mercy could think was please god no.
They got home and she was ordered off to her bedroom, it wasn't as if she couldn't hear the recording of the sermon echoing through the walls, everyone could hear it, and her dad repeating the words, trying to get that note of sincerity in his voice, she didn't know then what the big plan was
James and her dad were the best of friends, they'd only lived in the area for just over five years, and it seemed like her dad was taking a master class in ministry. He'd gone from propping up the bar in their local street to giving testimonies and praying for the sick and unsaved within two years and Pastor James had been behind him every step of the way. At first they were happy for the transition, he was focused again, after losing his job he'd gone into this funk that had left him bitter, angry, and drinking, which wasn't a good combination, but then he started to change, his anger focused on them, her mom was scared of him, and that meant she was too.
So, by the time she was ten, the happy home she'd known had disappeared, there were no more family holidays, no one laughing in the house, no more friends coming round. They'd moved out of their four bedroom house with front and back lawn, white picket fencing, newspaper deliveries and shouts of good morning, into the projects. He didn't want them getting involved with the locals because he'd got intentions of them not staying there for long, so other than school, Mercy had limited engagement with people of her age.
1 Year Later (16 years old)
"Come on get up" Claudia her mother came into her room early one morning whispering
"What?"
"Come on, don't let your dad get angry, get up and get dressed, quickly" she whispered walking around Mercy's room taking clothes out of draws, cupboards, and her wardrobe
"What's happening?" Mercy asked climbing into her clothes
"We're leaving" Claudia stopped to tell her "Just do as he says, don't give him a reason" she whispered
"Reason for what?" Mercy whispered pushing her feet in her shoes
"Grab anything you don't want to leave" Claudia told her ignoring the question
"Where are we going?"
"I don't know, south I think" Claudia told her daughter, throwing things in her small case
She didn't know where they were going, or even why, but she did know they were on the road for nearly three days, take away sleep time before they ended up driving down a tree lined street, it felt like they were driving towards the end of the earth, and they finally ended up in a small town somewhere in South Carolina. The last sign she saw was marked the Marion Forest and things got thicker and thicker and then just ahead of a lake they stopped, there were at least fifteen houses that she could see, she sat in the car wondering why they'd left their hometown for a secluded spot in the country.
"This is our new home" Charles stepped out the car holding his hands up to the heavens
"It's a church" Claudia gasped looking at Mercy in the back seat
"Claud, Mercy come here" he bellowed, they didn't hesitate they jumped out the car to join him
There were stood in this deserted leafy spot, it was night, but they could hear the trickly of water telling them they were by a stream or river "Charles where are we?" Claudia asked grabbing Mercy's hand
"This is my church honey"
"Your church?" she chuckled "When did you become a Pastor?"
"When I decided I could do a better job than that fool in Cali" he laughed
"But Charles, you don't know nothing about the bible"
"I've been practicing those sermons for nearly four years now I'm got the gist"
"So, you're going to lie to people?"
"No" he turned to look at them "We're going to lie to these people" he smiled "I want you be behave like a preacher's wife, Whitney Houston type, and you better be a good daughter" he looked at Mercy warning her "And get that singing voice activated because I expect you to be leading this choir by the time your 18"
"The choir" Mercy gasped looking at her mother, scared for the impossible task
"I'm Planning on building me an empire" he looked around
"So, we're living in the church?" Claudia asked him
"No" he laughed "There's a house round back" he called them to follow him round "We'll sleep tonight and grab our bags in the morning"
"Will they be alright?"
"Leave it to god shall we?" he laughed
The house was very grand, clean, and big for just the three of them, but over time they realised that was for a reason, Charles didn't just want to be a Pastor, he wanted to be an entertainer, and so every evening he'd have bible classes in the house for groups of women, men, teenagers, the more mature congregation, and of course the choir which got priority on the church hall. Within months he'd become the centre of the very small community spreading his fake redemptions, healing people in the name of some god only he'd got a vision of, and even baptising vulnerable people in the blood of his Christ, it was a sin to watch.
1 Year Later
After a year of this falsity, they didn't know what the corner shop looked like anymore, they were well and truly living off the community he'd managed to build for them. Mercy and Claudia sat with it, but not comfortably, as Charles brought in the need for extortionate tides, stringing people along with the dream of building a better church, and a lot of the other familiar things the reverend in California had talked about and promised them back then, but they both knew he had no intention of providing any of it.
"Reverend Jones" a tall man came up to him at the end of the sermon, he looked threatening, his voice was strong and there was something in the way he said Charles' title that made Claudia and Mercy stop piling hymn books to look at them
"That's me" Charlies smiled at the man
"I'd just like to say" the man smiled putting them all at ease "That was the most compelling sermon I've heard in a long while" he held his hand out for shaking
"Thank you Mr…"
"Evans" he grabbed Charlies' waiting hand "It's been a while since I came into a church, my wife died just over three years ago and I guess I lost my way for a while" he smiled "But today it felt like she was speaking to me, telling me I had to do right for my boy" he looked back holding his hand out "This is Sam, he's a bit shy, doesn't know anyone here yet, we just moved about two weeks ago"
"Reverend" Sam smiled shaking his hand
"Mr Evans, Sam" Charles smiled at them, Mercy stood watching knowing the only thing her father was seeing right now was the two well dressed individuals standing in front of him, counting the dollars he was about to make "My daughter's about your age, you should send him to bible class on Friday evenings to meet some other children his age, it's at my home round back so it's very controlled"
"Sounds good" Mr Evans accepted without even confiding in the boy stood beside him, Mercy rolled her eyes knowing exactly how that felt "I'll bring him round on Friday evening" he grabbed Sam by the shoulder and shook him as if he'd made a good decision, all Mercy could do was shake her head at another gullible person being taken in by her father.
Mercy spent every evening after school, doing either; choir practice, serving coffee and biscuits to the groups walking around her home, or cleaning, there wasn't much room around those activities. There was no let up for her mother either, Claudia was either cooking, baking, cleaning, or crying, which had become a regular event since the guilt and shame of her husband's actions had rested so heavily on her heart and no amount of talking was changing his actions.
"This is Sam Evans everyone, make him feel comfortable" Charles announced almost pushing Sam into the room full of around fifteen other young people
"Hi" he smiled looking around the room for a gap in the seating
"Sam" Mercy called seeing the unease in his face "There's a seat here" she pointed to the seat one away from her, watching him walk swiftly across the room "You'll be alright" she smiled at him
"Yeah you'll be alright" the guy sitting next to her mimicked her voice
"Alton" she frowned at him "Be nice"
"I was" he laughed "I heard what Pastor said"
"You starting school with us after the holidays?"
"I've been told it's the only school in the area, so I guess I am" Sam laughed "Mercy wasn't it?"
"It was, I mean it is" she giggled
"You have a beautiful voice"
"And you have…" she widened her eyes at what was about to come out of her mouth "Sorry that was so random of me" she got up "Can I get you a drink?"
"Cold please" he smiled
"You're about to get yourself into some serious trouble" Alton looked at him
"Why?" Sam asked
"I know what that look is" Alton laughed "She's the preachers daughter"
"And I'm a good Christian boy"
"You might be, but are you good enough for the Pastor's daughter and is she even into you?" he stopped laughing to look at Sam "She looks at everyone the same by the way"
"Maybe" Sam looked at her coming back into the room, thinking no way was that smile on her face shared with everyone
Over the next eighteen months they got talking, from bible class to cleaning then hosting, through to choir practice and eventually they were seeing each other five times a week, building a friendship. Mr Evans had turned into just plain Rob or our man Rob as her dad liked to refer to him, they were becoming really good friends
"Mercy" Sam grabbed some hymn books off the pew and walked over to her "Don't take this the wrong way" he looked around the church "I don't believe a word your dad says"
"Neither do I" she laughed
"I'm not joking" he got closer to her
"Neither am I" she stopped picking the books up to look at him "Why?"
"Last week he said Goliath slew Samson and this week he's telling us Gabriel was the strongest man ever to have lived, how could that be when the bible says Samson killed Goliath and Gabriel was an angel?"
"That wasn't the only mess up" she huffed "Christmas he told everyone Mary Magdalene had baby Jesus" she laughed looking around "All I'm saying is make sure your dad doesn't get talked into parting with any large amounts of money" she whispered
"Are you saying you know your dad's a fraud?"
"You're saying that I'm just agreeing with you" she smiled "Collect the books" she looked around, he smiled and carried on picking up the books
"This conversation isn't finished" he warned
Three Weeks Later
"So" Sam grabbed a minute after they'd said goodnight to everyone at the end of bible class "Outside of all this helping your dad build this empire and stuff, do you get a chance to relax?"
"Empire?" she laughed "That's definitely a state of mind, I say he thinks it's an empire, but we all know empires are built to fall"
"Yeah" he laughed "But when do you get the chance to relax?" he sensed her evading the question
"Oh" she smiled picking the used cups up from around the room "When I'm sleeping" she chuckled at her own joke
"For real?"
"If I could get away from that man" she rolled her eyes
"My dad's talking about starting his own church" Sam laughed "He really hasn't got a religious bone in his body, mom was the one that went to church, he's such a liar"
"They deserve each other"
"And we deserve better"
"What are you saying?"
"Nothing" he smiled "Just that we deserve better"
"What kind of better?"
"I don't know" he grabbed a few cups and stopped the conversation when Claudia came into the room
"This conversation isn't finished" she whispered moving away from him
1 Week Later
"Were you serious the other day when you talked about us having something better?" Mercy looked around as they cleared the pews after church
"Yeah" he smiled "I've been thinking about that"
"You got any money?"
"I've got some coming to me when I'm 19 next month" he told her "I was thinking of going to New York, I reckon we could get lost in a place like that"
"We?" she looked at him shocked
"You want to stay?"
"No" she smiled "I have a small amount of money too, well it's not mine, but I know where some is"
"What?" he laughed "You're going to break the 12th commandment and steal from your parents instead of asking for sweets"
"Wasn't that the 13th?"
"My bad" they laughed "But seriously I want out, I'm off to NYU in a few months, and I don't think I'm coming back after that" he looked at her seriously "You should apply, and we could leave together"
"Do you think my dad's going to let me go to college?"
"Have you asked?"
"No"
"I've told dad I want to study religious education you could say you want to sing or something?"
"I don't want to just sing" she laughed a bit louder then she expected they both looked around nervous
"Once we get there you can do what the hell you want" he smiled "We just need to the get out of here"
"Before someone catches on to what they're up to" she nodded "I just don't get it, dad has more money than he knows what to do with, and he still wants to suck these people dry, he has no conscience"
"My dad's started to hint at the leaving thing, I think he's just waiting for me to go to college before he makes his move"
"How do you know he's not going to take your money?"
"He can't I've got to sign for it and everything, it's from my mom, she knew what he was"
"What was he?"
"A leech, he married her for her money, treated her like crap, and left for a while after she got sick" he laughed "He came back when he heard she was changing the will, lucky for mom she'd already done it by the time he got back and everything went to me, except the house, which is why he sold it and we moved here"
"Same for us, dad lost his job, went to a dark place and came out of it with a false religion" she smiled
"Dad didn't have a job, his bank was mom, he got nearly 3 million for the house and still wants more, greed" he snarled
"Isn't that one of the seven deadly sins?"
"Lust, Gluttony, Greed, Sloth, Pride, Envy and Wrath, he remembers those alright" he laughed "That might as well be his bible"
"Those books are taking a long time tonight" Claudia called across to them, they stopped talking and started collecting books, if she'd noticed then others had
"We need to be more careful" she whispered as they quickly collected the hymn books
3 Months Later
"So" Mercy whispered to Sam before looked side to side at the choir ready to do a full belt on this next praise song of theirs, Sam had joined the choir a while back, at his dad's request, his voice was past decent, although he didn't think so "Did you get in?"
"Is my name Sam Evans?" he asked smiling "Calm down" he looked at her grinning much too much for a church focused conversation "You're going to get us caught"
"Sorry" she looked front "Congratulations, hello freedom"
"Did you apply?"
"I told you I wasn't" she jumped up at the music starting, she had a choir to lead
Dinner, as usual, was followed by everyone singing and praying at the Jones residence, with a twist today as Sam's UCLA acceptance was announced, Rob seemed to have a larger smile on his face than usual, Mercy knew why that was, in losing the responsibility of Sam for a while, he was free to fly high, and make some real money.
"The plan" Mercy sat of the veranda next to Sam, surrounded by all the other young people taking in the late afternoon sun
"I'm still trying to work it out"
"When are you leaving?"
"Me?"
"Okay" she rolled her eyes smiling "When are we leaving?"
"You know I'm not going to NYU don't you?"
"Yes" she whined "The plan?"
"I'm asking for a car for my birthday next week" he smiled "I'm thinking you could move your stuff out slowly over the next month or so, leave them in the trunk, I'll start putting things in too, so my dad doesn't suspect too much" he smiled "And that's as far as I've got"
"So, you know the leaving party's going to be at our house right?"
"Yeah" he laughed "And I also know we can't just drive off into the sunset"
"Please don't tell me you're a romanticist"
"I'm a realist I think" he laughed
"So, what's the actual date?"
"Seventeenth, they've got that big event happening, so I thought that would stop him from coming with me"
"So, we'll all say goodbye, I'll walk back inside with everyone, give it five minutes and you'll come back and get me, easy"
"Do you think?"
"I'm going to be singing so hard these next few weeks he won't even suspect I've got any intentions on leaving" she laughed.
So, Sam's birthday happened, they had to endure the usual mad hatters tea party for the evening, but they were both smiling when he pulled away in his brand new 4x4 after the making plans for the future sermon her dad gave. Everyone seemed to have a plan to go somewhere, even throw your life away Alton has got himself a scholarship, she wasn't bragging or anything, but she felt like the most talented person in the town, and she was the only child staying put.
"Mom" she finally decided maybe she could do this leaving thing a different way "Why am I not being allowed to go to college?"
"Is this to do with Sam and college?"
"No" she laughed "I just never saw my life as singing in the church choir"
"Neither did I baby" Claudia brushed her daughter's hair back off her face "But, your father has a plan and whether we like it or not he's the head of the family and whatever he does or whoever he's trying to be we have to believe he's doing all this for us"
"Do you really believe that?"
"I believe if it was left to me you'd be walking into UCLA next month along with the other talented young people"
"So" Mercy giggled "You think I have a talent?"
"I know you have a talent" Claudia laughed "Go check that all the dishes are in" she suddenly snapped, alerting Mercy to her dad entering the kitchen, and the end of their conversation
The 17th
"Thank you" Sam smiled at Charles for what was supposed to have been his inspirational speech, wishing him all the very best, as if he didn't know that Rob was getting ready to do a runner, and he'd maybe ever see his father again.
"Here" Claudia put a parcel in his hand "That should keep you going for a few hours" she smiled "I've put some of your favourite snacks in"
"Thank you" Sam smiled, hoping there was enough for three "I better get going before it gets too dark" he smiled at Mercy signalling the start of their five minutes. Everyone that was left in the house followed him out, most of the others had already gone off to various colleges around the country "I'll see you when I get back"
"Holidays I know" Mercy smiled through her fake tears "Stay safe, I'll be praying for you"
"Thank you" they shared their usual hug and she stood with everyone else watching him leave as the church music fill the air from his car stereo. The plan went like clockwork, and they really didn't care when their parents clocked on to the fact that Mercy was missing, they'd be driving towards UCLA
"Take this out" he nodded at the stereo still playing the tape his dad had given him
"We're ging to listen to the radio?" Mercy widened her eyes at him
"We're going to do whatever we want" he banged the steering wheel, turning the stereo up at 'Runaway' by Devlin & Yasmin blasted out
"You know this?" Mercy laughed at him humming, he didn't answer, just started singing along to the song
Sam: And if I disappear for years and reappear, would my natural intuition still be crystal clear?
Or would I have lost clarity? In this trivial pursuit we're walking through so casually
"Please don't tell me…" he laughed at her singing the chorus
Mercy: I got to leave, I got to go, there's nothing here for me no more
I got to be free, I got to be, somewhere that I can just be me, and I run, run runaway, run, run runaway,
Run, run, runaway, I runaway…
"It's definitely got to be our anthem" they laughed, watching the road ahead, finally free
"I never want to see another bible again" Mercy commented
"What, don't you believe in god?"
"Of course, I do, maybe I meant I'm very weary of preachers now"
"You and me both" he laughed "We're free"
"What you talking about boy, freedom is a state of mind"
"Now you sound like my dad" he laughed