The Only Exception
Love is not what you say, love is what you do
A Fic from Sam's POV
Yet again I'm sitting here drinking myself to death wondering where the fuck she is, she didn't turn up for the stupid gig I booked, losing us even more money than we've already lost because of her selfish ass, this had been going on for nearly five weeks now and people were starting to lose faith
"So, you decided to come home" I snapped at her creeping through the door trying to quietly sneak upstairs without me noticing, as I turned on the table lamp "Where you been?" I pour myself another drink, I needed to get good and mad at this woman right now
"Out" she grabbed the bottle, I sat watching her pour herself a large glass
"Mercy I've fucked everything I was doing because you wanted to live, gave up my job because you had a fucking dream, and now you give me this" I hissed at her "We're on our knees babe tell me what you want me to fucking do?"
"I don't want to sing no more" she snapped at me
"You wait until all my opportunities have flown out the window before you decided to tell me you don't want to sing anymore?"
"I'll find a job"
"I can find a job, if you really don't want to sing anymore, I don't have to be your damn manager"
"So, find a job then"
"I will" I snapped "But that's not going to help us with this month's bills"
"I can do some cleaning or something" she huffed at me, that wasn't something I'd ever heard her say before something was wrong
"You'd be happy to clean other people's shit?"
"If I have…"
"Don't bother answering that, I already know your spouting bull shit" I held my hand up at her trying to appease me with her stupid shit
"Don't patronise me" she stood up at me waving her threatening hands at me, I was passed being intimidated by her shit, yeah I snapped back
"Just get back on stage and solve all our damn problems"
"Is that my husband talking or my damn manager, I can't work you out?"
"I guess it's your fucking manager" I hissed stepping in her face, she was so frustratingly sexy it was hard to work out which one I was, but she needed to take this conversation serious, so I chose the latter "You were born to sing, why are you fighting it?"
"Because I don't want it anymore"
"Why don't you want it?" I roll my eyes at this conversation going round in circles
"What do you want me to say, I hate singing, you're a rubbish manager, the songs are crap, I hate that life, I've lost my voice pick one"
"I'm a rubbish manager?" I widened my eyes, this was a new level
"Past rubbish" she nodded confirming my question
"That's really what you think?"
"Yeah" she snarled at me "Who the fuck wants to be around a loser like you?" she reached up to slap my face
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I grabbed her hand before it connected pushing her back against the table "Why are you saying these things babe" I was upset now, she'd brought me to the point where I was thinking about laying hands on her, this was never where I'd wanted to be in this marriage
"What are you going to do hit me?"
"I'd never hit you, you know that" I leaned in and kissed her, I meant that with my whole heart, I was surprised when she grabbed hold of my neck and pulled me in, the sex was rough, intense, and necessary "I love you babe" was all the emotion I had left in me when she finished with me
"I can't sing right now babe, I just need you to work with me for now, please"
I was weak, vulnerable, and in love, all I had for that request was "Okay" I let her leg fall to the floor and moved a couple of inches away to let her sit up, grabbed her neck, and kissed her hard "I love you babe"
"I love you too" she pulled me back in and we went again, this was turning into a fest, maybe she needed to go missing every night, because this make up shit was working for me.
I didn't bother to book any gigs for a while, she'd made herself clear enough, but she was still going out for hours on end without telling me where she was going or what she was doing. Not that I needed to know her every move, she was a grown woman, and I knew she had a life before me, I just wasn't sitting well with her having that other life while she was with me. I drank to block shit out, didn't ask many questions, and just kept giving it up when she asked for it, or when I needed it, to be honest, the fact that she never denied me or was always up for it was comforting, at least I didn't have to think about someone else tapping it.
I got two jobs during the day I worked at a museum, doing some guide stuff in the history department and in the evenings most nights I was flipping pizza's till the early hours. This one particular night I'd taken an extra shift, she'd taken to staying out till late and I thought we could do with the extra money, I walked into the apartment shocked to see the lights on "Hi" I threw the pizza on the table before walking towards her
"Hi" she lifted her head, and I could see she was crying
"What's happened?" I held my breath thinking this was it, this was the moment I'd been dreading
"I need to talk to you" she wiped her face and looked at me
"Whatever's wrong we can work it out"
"Just listen for a minute" she grabbed my hand, I could tell by her tone this was serious, she wasn't angry, annoyed, or even happy, she was solemn
"Okay" I sat up straight, I don't know how that helps with hearing bad news it was just something I thought I should do
"My mom's been ill" she looked into my eyes, hers begging me to take everything she had to say from that
"Is she alright?" she wasn't someone Mercy concerned herself with very often, their relationship wasn't a close one "You have to go to Orange?"
"No" she looked at our joined hands "I moved her to Adams care home this morning"
"Round the corner?" I enquired "So we have to pay for that now too?" I asked, of all the insensitive things to bring up I found that one, obviously she wouldn't have done that unless her mother needed real help
"Yes we have to pay, and I will" she looked at him "But that's not all"
"What's happened?"
"She has Chris"
"I know she has Chris, that's where he lives?"
"Yeah" she huffed "And I've been looking for our boy for weeks, I can't find him or that loser of a fucking wife of his, so…" she looked at me and I knew what was coming "Chris is in our bedroom"
"What the fuck are we going to do with a thirteen year old?" I stood up mostly shocked that she could think we were in any sort of financially stable condition to take on a hospital bill, let alone a damn child, kin or not. To make all this hurt just that little bit more, just before I decided to become her manager and she closed down on the performing, I'd been onto her for nearly a year about us starting a family, she'd categorically said no and still wasn't shifting
"I know we agreed not to have children right now, but I can't let him go into the system Sam, it would kill me, and finish mom off"
"So, what's actually wrong with your mom?"
"Cancer" she frowned "I've been driving across town looking after her and Chris for weeks, but I've accepted it now, she needs palliative care" she cried
"That bad?"
"It is now" she sobbed, I sat holding her, watching her get it all out "Then there's Chris, he's trying to be street, causing trouble, I've had to go out looking for him nearly every night, I'm exhausted" her tone was begging me to do something about this boys behaviour
"That's what you've been doing?" I laughed to myself for where my mind had taken me over the past few months "He listens to me I'll try" I assured her
"You'll help me?"
"Why would you even think you'd have to do that alone?"
"Why would I expect you to help, the way that woman's dissed you over the years?"
"She does that because she loves you, and it's right she should think I'm not good enough for her only daughter"
"But you are" she hugged me
"We know that" I laughed
"And we're the only ones that need to know that"
"I should have guested all your stupid shit was about family, I took my eye off the damn ball for a second, sorry" I was so upset with myself, that I couldn't even get being a husband right just now "So, Chris, what's the plan?"
"I need to get back into the singing thing, quick, we need the money, he's real expensive"
"Tell me about it" I laughed
"So, you're my manager, manage me into some work" she cupped my chin with her forefinger and thumb "And I didn't mean it when I said you were a loser" she kissed my lips "Chris isn't in school just now so it's alright for us to take him with us for now but when he starts next week, you'll have to stay home, and sorry but you'll have to give one of those jobs up, preferably the pizza shop"
"But we survive on those pizzas"
"It's not healthy" she laughed out loud making me smile, it had been a while since I'd seen that smile or taken any notice of it
"I was going to say let's go to bed, but we have a new house mate"
"Rain check?"
"For one night only" I warned her "I'll clear that box room tomorrow and he can have that"
"Thanks"
"Don't thank me just yet, tonight he's got the couch" I laughed getting up to grab the blankets
Day 1
"Babe" I jerked at being woken in what felt like the middle of the night, by movement in our bedroom, I was very used to movement while we were awake but once we were sleeping we were both like rocks never moved again until daylight appeared, so this bothered me "What's the matter" I rubbed my eyes and attempted to sit up "Shit" I jumped "Chris" I opened my eyes to see him sitting there at the bottom of our bed gawking at me "Go back to sleep buddy" I smiled hoping that would do the trick
I must have fell asleep again because the next thing I feel is this almighty slap across my face, stinging me out of my sleep "Hey Buddy" I held my cheek, this little man had a heavy hand, plus his move shocked me. I looked over at Mercy who was still fast asleep, smiled and thought I might as well get on with it, this was going to be our lives for a long while to come "Breakfast?" I slipped out of bed and grabbed Chris by the shoulder, his tight curls looked like they might need some attention, it was getting hard to see the actual corn rows it was so messy "Future reference" I pushed him out the door "That's not how you get my attention in a good way, especially in the morning, I'll let you off with that one, but don't let that shit happen again" I warned him
"I was playing" he grinned at me
"Fuck playing not while I'm sleeping"
"Uncle, it was a joke" he grabbed my shoulder
He was definitely a Jones, he had the trademark eyes, had already proven he was very vocal with the rapping thing he'd been doing from an early age, and although it was only seven in the morning he was his usual happy smiley Jones self, reminding him of Mercy enthusiasm the morning after an all nighter.
He was walking around with his jeans halfway past his knees, a vest and some funky old sandals that looked like they could have belonged to his grandfather at one stage. "Flakes?" I showed him which cupboard they were in "Milks in the fridge" I pointed to it "Your aunt takes two sugars and I'll have one, in an hour's time when we actually wake up" I walked off back towards the bedroom
"Yes Sir" he huffed sarcastically
"And you better be sitting here playing my shit or cleaning up or something when we get up" I warned him, he needed some direction and he'd always listened to me, so I was out to show him I meant business from the off "We understand each other?"
"Yes Sir" he saluted, chuckling, and shaking his head when he thought I wasn't looking
"Babe?" Mercy turned and grabbed hold of me as I got back into bed "Everything alright?"
"Go back to sleep babe" I hugged her and settled in, like me she wasn't any good without at least five hours of sleep, or a healthy night awake.
"Sam" Mercy knocked me out my sleep a while later "Chris isn't in the house"
"What?"
"He must have slipped out last night"
"No" I stopped her stressing too much "I showed him where breakfast was this morning and told him to bring us a coffee in bed in an hour" I followed her out of our bedroom and into the kitchen
"Over an hour ago?"
"Just" I looked at the clock on the wall
"I bet he's gone back to Orange, to do some shady shit" Mercy hissed, throwing the boiling water into the travel cups
"Do you want me to go fetch him?"
"I want you to go find me some work" she pulled my face towards her by my chin, I loved when she did that, it always felt so intimate "And give me some loving tonight"
"I could do that last one for you right now with an empty house" I pulled her in ready, we weren't like clockwork on our shit, but the chance last night was gravely missed
"Work" she reminded me, I grabbed the coffee she'd made and headed to the bathroom, got dressed and was out the door, already thinking about tonight
I got home that afternoon to an empty house obviously she hadn't found him yet, I called her cell phone a couple times too but with no answer I was in the dark as to what was going on. I emptied out the spare room and readied the bed, made some calls to some of Mercy's local spots to see what I could set up for the weekend, and then I had to leave to get to my evening job.
Day 2
"Hey" I smiled walking into the house with a pizza box under my arm, to find Mercy sat on the couch waiting "Just as I'd imagined but a bit overdressed" I laughed
"Hi" she smiled back brushing her hair off her forehead like she'd been doing some hard labour "He was visiting mom, the last place I looked after a morning of searching the damn streets" she huffed
"Chris" I rolled my eyes having almost forgotten about the boy, I was so focused on us getting down tonight "Where is he?"
"It's nearly two in the morning, he's in bed" she huffed "I brought his clothes and some of his things over"
"I got you a gig at Millie's tomorrow night, but they won't stand for any of your usual shit, this is a last chance, so please, don't fuck it up"
"I won't we need the money" she looked at her hands nervously
"What?" I asked knowing the signs
"Mom told me to sell the house and split the money with Chris for his schooling, he gets a quarter, and the rest goes to us"
"What about the boy?"
"She didn't say anything about him, well" she looked at him "She said he wasn't to get a single thing, from the house or her, and we need to keep Chris away from them"
"So, the trouble's coming to our door?"
"Well, if he visits as regularly as he's visited mom, that will never happen"
"This will be different, there's money involved, and I know he thinks he can handle me, and maybe he can, but I'll knock him the fuck out before…"
"Sam" she held her head frustrated at having to think about it all, so I stopped "Please"
"Okay" I held my hands up backing off
"He can start school on Monday, so I've taken some money out of mom's account to get him some decent clothes, I've got to bring a few papers into school tomorrow before any of that happens though"
"Good call" I opened the pizza box and took two pieces out giving her one before I bit into mine "I'm having a word with him tomorrow, I'm not having you stressing out like this, you've got to focus on performing"
"Be patient with him Sam, his parents obviously don't care, his grandma's about to leave him, we both know the feeling of rejection can be a bitch, especially from people who supposed to love you"
"I expect this to take time, he needs to settle in, but I still don't want him giving us the run around"
"I spoke to him tonight, sort of set the ground rules, he agreed to a routine, I'm hoping that works"
"It will, he's a good kid, just had some rotten breaks, I'm sort of looking in the mirror here" I smiled
I'd been adopted by some awful people and if I were to believe their story of how I came to be, I'd have been born to a crack head mom and a pimp dad. Lucky for me they mistreated me and ended up in court were I heard the truth about my unknown father and my underaged mother. Naturally when I reached 21 I went in search of her only to find she'd lived her life in total oblivion of me and damned the day I made the call, begged me not to call her again and basically said she didn't want to know, so yes, I know a bit about rejection.
"Sam" Mercy's voice grabbed my attention "Get your head out that mirror"
"So, are you ready to…?" I gave her my ready for sex look, pulling her into me
"Bedroom" she threw her unfinished pizza slice down and got up, I didn't need telling twice
Day 3
"Morning" I smiled at Chris gently knocking me awake, he'd brought us our morning coffee
"Morning Uncle, is that better?"
"Much" I whispered aware Mercy hadn't stirred yet
"Auntie said I should let you know I'm going round to Adams to spend time with grandma, and I'll meet her at the studio at 12 like she said" he whispered
"Okay" I smiled, watching him leave our bedroom, that one conversation, whatever it was she'd said last night, seemed to have set him good and straight
It was only day three and we seemed to have got some sort of routine set up, half the battle had already been won years ago. Mercy's family had never been a strong one, and there were times I'd wanted to give up on them and just drag her away from the toxic lot, but then the look on Chris' face would stop me.
I wasn't his dad, and everyone knew that, but sometimes it seemed as if Chris was struggling with the concept of me not being that for him, he'd call for all sort of things, pocket money, homework, for me to listen to a new rap, to tell me about something exciting that was happening for him. Of late I hadn't noticed that contact had slowed and even stopped, all that I now knew was as a consequence of his grandma getting sick, he'd been there through all of it, he was bound to be affected and scared.
Her brother Ray, who everyone called Boy, had never been a fan of his sister's relationship with me, he never made it clear why that was, and I never asked just respected that I was never going to be liked by everyone. Mama Jones said it straight out on a regular basis that I wasn't who she'd have chosen for her daughter, she always thought Mercy should have been in the bright lights bringing in the big bucks from day one, if it hadn't been for me holding her back.
"Sam" Mercy's voice entered my head "What time tonight?"
"Seven" I turned smiling at her looking up at me "Morning"
"Is that it?" she smirked at me with those ready to go eyes I was ready to go, so of course we went
"I'll catch you later, I'll meet you at the club, I'm doing some extra hours to make up for not doing the pizza run tonight" I told her nearly two hours later, more than an hour late for my shift, but well worth the loss of pay. The day couldn't go quick enough I just needed to get back into what I loved doing, music had been my thing, I was part of a band that wasn't going anywhere too fast. The fact that our last four shows got cancelled sort of gave us the hint that we were the only ones enjoying our music and we agreed to stop. Managing Mercy's gigs gave me the opportunity sometimes to play my guitar in public, and sometimes she'd give me a free run for a minute or so, and that was enough for me.
"Hi" her smile greeted me when I popped my head round her dressing room door
"Hi" I walked into the room eager to get my hands on her "You look amazing"
"Thank you" she cupped my face and kissed my lips seductively, before pulling away and giving me that look
"Here?"
"I'm playing with you" she laughed
"I'm not playing" I locked the door and took what she was giving "A warm up for the big performance" I smiled watching her fix her hair and straighten her dress "How's Chris?"
"He's side stage eating a sandwich, waiting for you"
"Do you think he's going to be alright?"
"He seems happy, he was smiling today"
"And you seem happier"
"I feel happier, everything's working out, mom's being looked after, Chris feels safe, and you…"
"Nothing's changed with me" I butted in
"Nothing?"
"Absolutely nothing" I moved in to kiss her again
"So, then you'll always be my one"
"I'll always be that you'll never have to worry about me"
"I feel that" she smiled at me "Thanks for not fighting me about Chris staying" she looked satisfied
"He's family"
"Come on let's get this gig done and pay some bills" she got up and walked out with me following, I smiled at her not knowing my deepest secret, there were places I wouldn't go, and things I wouldn't do for a lot of people, but her, she was the only exception, the end of the world and beyond wasn't enough "This one's for you" she smiled kissing me quickly before she found centre stage
"She looks good don't she uncle?" Chris asked me
"Boy" I looked at him wondering what wrong I was thinking "Yeah she does" I opted for grabbing him around the neck, smiling when she got into the 'Sweet Love' by Anita Baker vibe, we were into that
…In this love, sweet love, sweet love, hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame,
I'm in love, sweet love, don't you ever go away, it'll always be this way
There's no stronger love in this world, oh baby no, you're my man, I'm your girl,
"Auntie's got you like that?" Chris looked up at me asking
"Boy Mind your business" I laughed touching shoulders with him
I'll never go, wait, and see, can't be wrong, don't you know this is where you belong?
Oh, the sweetest dream, a lovely baby, stay right here, never fear, I will be all that you need, never leave, cause baby I believe
In this love, sweet love (sweet love) hear me calling out your name, I feel no shame I'm in love, sweet love sweet love
Don't you ever go away, it'll always be this way….
"I love you" she mouthed at me when she finished her first song, and I know she meant it
"Yeah she's got you like that" Chris laughed