Kensi Blye sat on her couch, a very unhappy person.
After the day her and the team had, the only thing she'd wanted once Rio had been captured, was to come home, finish off the leftovers in her refrigerator, a bowl of her favorite ice cream, and enjoy a few beers. And the most important part of the whole night she had planned? Marty Deeks, by her side on the couch, his arms around her, snuggled up against him. One damn phone call had ruined her wonderful plans. LAPD had called, a last minute assignment, and he had been pulled in to run it. Since he was still with the department, he couldn't refuse. Frustrated, the familiar feelings of fear had begun to settle in her. She had kissed him before he left, extracting a promise of his safety, then watched as he left, silently pleasing with who or whatever watched over him to bring him back, safe and sound. She could tell he wasn't happy about leaving, his shoulders slumped, and anger in his stride.
She hated this. Hated that they could call, and take him away. Hoping that he could finish quickly and safely. Rarely did he ever have back-up when he went under. Not like here, with three agents looking out for him, and a back story that was as tight as humanly possible. No, out there he was on his own. Just a handler to report to once a week is he was lucky. She should be watching his back. That was her job, her responsibility. A grin slid over her face...her privilege. They worked so well together. They knew when to move, when the other was going to move. They could 'talk' without even speaking. Glances, the turn of a head, they just knew. They were as in sync, as close as two people could be. Her smile widened, thinking of their nights together. Yes, very in sync indeed! Her mind began to drift. Don't go there! she warned herself, shutting off that train of thought. She had fantasized about him before, touching herself when he wasn't there to fulfill her, but is wasn't the same. Imagination, and memory could never compare to his skin. His lips leaving tingles of desire down her body. His tongue dancing across her swollen nipples...traveling to her core where he would...
Her phone rang, causing her to yelp, frustration dancing with relief as she pulled her hand from between her thighs, shaking herself and grabbing the phone. The screen displayed Nell's name.
"Hey Nell," she answered, a tremor in her voice, still trying to convince her mind away from where it wanted to take her. "Something wrong? Please tell me we're not being called in?"
"Hey Kens, no nothing like that. Just called to see if you were busy," came the reply.
"No, not at all, just sitting her, trying to wind down."
"Would you mind some company? I can stop and get us something..." "Sure! That would be great. We can make a girls night in."
"I can stop and pick up some burgers and fries. Deeks took me to this place
once, so good!"
Kensi frowned slightly. What burger place...when did he... she shook herself. She had nothing to be jealous of with Nell. "That sounds great. I've got beer in the fridge, and ice cream in the freezer."
"Excellent, I'm on my way!"
Kensi jumped up, excited her friend was coming over, and she didn't have to spend the whole night alone. Her and Nell could do some female bonding, laugh and have a good time. No, Deeks wasn't here, but Nell was a friend and she wanted the company. It was with a slight shock, the realization hit here that since Deeks had walked into her life, first as a partner, then a friend and a year ago her lover, she wasn't as comfortable being alone as she used to be. That stopped her...she was surprised, and happy.
Twenty minutes later, Nell was at her door, two bags in her hands. Kensi let her in, motioning for her to set the bags down. "Oooh, so that's what your coffee table looks like!" Kensi glaring through a smile, Kensi's stuff a joke for everybody to share in. Spreading the food out, they fell into an easy, companionable time. They laughed, catching up with each other, talking about the guys and what was going on in their lives. Usually they were so busy, Kensi in the field, and Nell in OPS, they rarely had the chance to just talk.
Settling back, full from the food, Kensi made a decision. "Nell, I need your help. Us, plus the guys, we need to talk to Deeks when he gets back. He needs to leave LAPD and come join us as an agent, full time. I'm sure between the five of us, we could convince him." She stared at Nell, expecting to see her willingness to help, and was confused by the look she received.
"Are you sure that's what you want Kens?"
"Of course! How could you even ask me that? I've wanted Deeks to join us for years!" Her voice trailed off, seeing the look on Nell's face. "Nell, what's going on? Do you not think Deeks is agent material?" Her anger began to rise.
"Absolutely I think he is. I know for a fact most people feel the same way. It's just...well after today..." her voice faded, looking uncomfortable.
"Nell what is going on?" Kensi was confused, staring at Nell as if she were a stranger. Seeing the hesitation on her face, Kensi took a breath. "Come on Nell, what's got you bothered?"
"Kens...I've been asked all day, and even before I left tonight, if you and Deeks were still together. I can't count the number of people, mostly women, who have come up to me, wanting to know if you two broke up. Or if he's going back to the department. A lot of people think that."
Kensi stared at the person the thought she knew so well. Truly, if a penguin had popped from her head, waved and smiled, then dove back inside, Kensi wasn't sure she could be more surprised.
"Why would anyone even think that? Of course we're still together! Do you realize just how long it took for us to work through all our crap just to make this a relationship! Deeks is mine, and I'm his. And I won't ever let him go. I'm so in love with him, there are times I can't catch my breath." Kensi shook her head, trying to clear the ridiculous idea of her and Deeks not together. "I'm not sure what they're thinking, but they are so very wrong!"
She stood, beginning to pace her floor, the anger beginning to... "Wait, you don't believe that, do you Nell?"
"Well, you were flirting pretty heavily with Agent Dinozzio all day. So I was wondering if maybe..." Nell's voice trailed off, noticing the look that came over her friends face.
"I most definitely did not flirt with Agent Dinozzio. I was completely professional with him at all times!" Kensi became truly angry then, her shoulders bunched, her hand balling into fists at her side. "How dare you say that to me! And how dare anyone think that!" She snatched her bottle of beer from the table, draining it, a slam depositing it back. "I think it's probably best if you go Nell." She strode to the door, her hand on the knob, when a small voice cut through her anger.
"I can prove it Kensi."
She stopped, staring at the door, something inside her squirming as the statement took root in her mind. "What do you mean, you can prove it?"
"I think sometimes all of you forget that Eric and I are upstairs, watching and listening to everything. All of you have become so used to us, and I don't mean that in a bad way, that you just act normally. There are times, when you and Deeks are on a stakeout, when your ear-buds are active, that everyone is OPS is cracking up, listening to the two of you." She reached into her bag, pulling her tablet out slowly. She placed it on the couch, neither of them speaking.
Kensi stared at the innocent looking tablet, blinking rapidly. She looked to Nell... the tablet...Nell. Moving slowly, she sank to her knees, her eyes wide. "Show me," she whispered.
Preparing herself, and hoping to survive the aftermath, Nell pressed play, handing the tablet to Kensi. Shaking, Kensi began to watch as scenes from the Mission ran.
She saw herself, always touching Dinozzio. His arms, his hands. Her laughter at
seemingly everything he said, the flip of her ponytail. She heard herself admire his suit, his hair. Exclaiming how she appreciated a man who took pride in his appearance. Who knew how to dress. She saw Deeks, his face breaking quietly.
Oh God! Kensi screamed at herself. I look like a love struck schoolgirl, talking to my first crush! She focused on the image that had frozen on screen. Deeks, looking as if his world had vanished, as he stared at herself and Dinozzio.
"He heard you. Always wanting to 'partner' with Dinozzio. He even heard the voice you used over Dinozzio's phone Kensi. And at the hotel, you checked on Dinozzio, before Deeks." She pulled the tablet gently, forwarding a few frames, then handed it back.
Her fingers fumbling, it took two times before making it work. In full color, she saw Dinozzio saying his goodbyes, saw the hug she gave him. She watched as she pressed herself against him, her hands sliding down his shoulders to his chest. Then turn to stand by his side. Pulling the tablet closer, now focusing on one person, she replayed the scene, watching Deeks. His face crumbled, the fear, the anger and the jealousy. The...resignation that crushed him as he watched her throw herself at Dinozzio.
Handing the tablet back to Nell, Kensi sat on the floor, her actions from earlier imprinted in her mind. Nell, all of them were right. She had flirted with Dinozzio, and done so right in front of Deeks!
A sigh brought her head up, Nell staring at her, regret in her eyes. "Oh, please don't tell me there's more." A return of the tablet was her answer.
Her hands were trembling so bad, Nell had to press play.
Kensi watched as Deeks answered his phone. That was the call for the undercover job. She watched as he hung up, his lips moving, Callen and Sam both telling him to be safe.
She had barely given him any attention. She was still smiling up at Dinozzio. Never kissed him goodbye...never told he to be careful. Her breath hitched, watching as he stood in the doorway, staring at the four agents talk, a broken look on his face. Her heart broke the tears releasing, as he hung his head, walking out the doors. And none of them, especially her, giving him a second glance.
"Nell I...I just...it wasn't like..." she began too sputter, trying to explain herself while choking back her sobs. A whimper, something Nell nearly fainted at hearing, tore from Kensi's throat. Reaching over, Nell placed her hand on Kensi, squeezing it softly. "That's why I've been fielding questions all day. There are a lot of people who are angry with you Kens."
Her head jumped up at that, the question not even asked.
"Deeks is more popular than you realize. I think...that you, Callen and Sam, still look at Deeks as just a cop. Maybe a little beneath the three of you. The support staff, they adore Deeks. He speaks to them, knows their names. You know he can brighten a bad day with his smile, or a cheesy joke or quip. They appreciate that. Over the years, they've come to rely on him for that. They're angry because you hurt him Kens. And some of the women, they believe they have a chance with him now. They believe you are out of the picture." Nell stopped, watching as her friend cried on the floor. Unable to stop herself, she reached out, wrapping her arms around Kensi, holding her as she cried.
"Nell," Kensi asked between hitches of breath and tears. "What have I done?"