A/N: Sorry, edited a few mistakes in my last chapter… I think I'll have a beta soon though, yay!
Just one more chapter to go after this, I think. I've had multiple migraines this week otherwise I would be finished by now! Dumb broken body. Grrrrr!
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Chapter 4: Elephants (Sam's POV)
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They fell into a routine the same way they did off-world on missions. The biggest difference was that no-one had to stay awake to keep watch. Well, that and they weren't in constant peril. She wasn't sure she had ever slept as much as she was now doing on P3X-234, not even on Earth. They were seven days in, and she felt like a whole new person. She felt lighter than she had in… years if she were honest. She had finally spoken to Colonel O'Neill about all those little things that had been bothering her.
They had without discussing it, carefully skirted anything serious – like their highly unusual commanding officer to second in command relationship. She blushed, remembering the morning she had woken laying across him like a lover. She had carefully extricated herself from his arms every morning thereafter, careful not to linger in bed with him the way she craved.
Today she could see there was something on his mind and twice she had seen him take out their touchstone, a little stone she had found and given him on their first foray to the lake.
They were exploring the edge of one of the streams that fed the lake today, he had left the fishing rod at their usual spot on the shore and the two of them were wearing the Jaffa's spare robes and though she was tall, she still had to lift the robe like a long dress as they hopped across stones.
It was one such moment that he happened to stop dead in front of her, she dropped the robes and tried to get her hands out to prevent her fall, but she was too late and with a splash she fell sideways into the shallow stream.
"Shit, Carter!" He helped her to her feet and then guided her by the elbow to the shore where she promptly burst into giggles. She was sodden, very much like their first night on this planet actually.
Colonel O'Neill had placed a hand on each of her shoulders and he was looking down at her, the expression on his face stopped her laughter and she took a deep steadying breath. She watched his eyes flick nervously downwards so she followed his gaze and felt a flush rise to her face. The heavy material of the robe was sagging at the top, though he probably couldn't see much except slightly more skin than usual – she was hyperaware of the fact she only wore a bra and panties beneath it, the weather having been warmer she hadn't felt the need for more – preferring to let her clothes air out back at camp.
She slipped a hand up between them and tugged the material a little higher before raising her face to his. The gap between them was too small and the tension between them was so thick she felt like if she reached out her hand, she would feel it.
"I'm fine," she quirked her lips into a smile, but didn't step out of his space the way she should have. She stayed, focusing on the warm hands on her shoulders and the intense look on his face.
"You are going to be the death of me," he blew out a breath and she watched as he reluctantly stepped backwards.
She should have seen it coming, she really, really should have.
They had still been near to the edge of the stream and by stepping back blindly he had stepped onto a loose stone. This meant that he fell, almost comically with his arms windmilling and landed backwards into the stream.
As soon as she knew he was okay she started laughing again, this time the giggling was uncontrollable, and she had to sit down as she watched a dripping Colonel O'Neill stomp towards her.
He plonked himself down next to her and let out a little huff of laughter and she did her best to stifle her giggles, letting go of the top of her robe to cover her mouth.
As it turned out, the look on his face when her robe fell open was all she needed to get control of her laughter. Once more… he had stopped her with just a look.
Jack shifted his gaze down to her chest and, as if in slow motion, he leaned into her. With a hand on either edge of the robe, his eyes intent on the task at hand, he slowly pulled the robe closed. But his hands remained where they were, resting against her chest. She felt breathless and dizzy.
"Sir," she whispered hoarsely, and her hands automatically fisted at her sides.
She needed to take over. She needed to hold her robe closed herself and get his hands off her… they were heading into dangerous territory. But it felt as though she were paralysed, and she wanted nothing more than to kiss him. She wanted to tug his hands loose from the robe and pull his face down to hers.
Instead… she looked down at his hands laying between her breasts, they rose and fell with each breath she took. It made her aware of her sharp and ragged breaths, giving away just how hard she was battling for self-control. Though when she returned her gaze to his face, she could see his nostrils flaring as he too, struggled to catch his breath.
"Elephant," well, she was pretty sure that's what he had muttered, and with a jerky twitch of his hands he abruptly let go of her robe and turned to face the stream in front of them, the moment broken.
She managed to tighten the robe and though it sat lower she was at least no longer exposing her bra-clad breasts to her CO. It took her a lot longer than she expected to get her breathing under control, an embarrassingly long time to be honest…. But when she snuck a look at her Colonel he seemed to be in the same predicament.
The cold began to seep into her bones as they sat in the shadows. They were silent, lost in their own thoughts and it wasn't until her fingertips began to feel numb, that she struggled to her feet and held out a hand to him, a peace offering.
He looked up at her an unreadable expression on his face… then stared at her proffered hand for a moment before taking it and allowing her to help him to his feet.
"Did you say… elephant?" She asked, trying to ease the tension that had developed between them. It wasn't a terrible sort of tension, just the kind that they both knew couldn't be alleviated.
"Uh," he shrugged. "Yeah, I guess."
"Why?" She asked, with a little snort of laughter. Where elephants came into this little mishap, she had no idea.
"I was thinking about things best left unsaid," she saw the glint of their shiny stone of truth in his hand.
"Oh," she must have slowed as she was mulling over his words, because he somehow got far enough ahead that she had to run a little to catch up. "I understand." She grabbed his elbow, stopping him. He didn't turn to her though and she sighed. "Sir, we don't need to talk about it. We are okay, aren't we?" She knew she sounded a little like she was pleading, so she dropped her hold of his elbow and took a step away from him.
"We're just fine Carter," he turned now, his usual smile on his face and she felt a surge of relief. Another bullet dodged. She wasn't ready to talk about their… elephant… either.
She had found during their time on P3X-234 that she was surer on how he felt for her than she had ever been before. They hadn't needed to discuss anything; it was not worth the pain that would come with a confession. They had danced their usual dance, the moves almost effortless after nearly four years of practise. They had skimmed over the bits that might get them in trouble with the air force… but been more open and honest than ever before. She felt their bond had only strengthened and she hoped it would continue once they returned back to Earth.
Though, on the other hand – she hoped they got home soon because if she were honest, she was getting far too used to waking up next to Colonel Jack O'Neill. Sure, their friendship, their working relationship, was stronger than ever – but the sexual tension was at an all-time high too and if they didn't get a handle on it – well that would become a bit of a problem. She was relatively sure back at work where there were eyes everywhere, and in the field where they could focus only on their work that things would balance out. They would maintain their new bond and the more intimate parts they had touched on here would fall away, out of necessity.
By the time they got back to camp she was frozen through and the two of them quickly changed in their tiny tent. It wasn't as hard as it was the first few nights, as with the rest of their routine – they had fallen into the habit of simply turning away from one another and dressing as fast as possible.
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As they set about making dinner, she allowed her mind to wander
She wondered if they would be spending another night here. The increasingly intimate moments were starting to play on her mind, and she worried at how long their self-control would hold out.
Though they were doing their best to preserve some semblance of modesty… without discussing it they had taken to sleeping in their shirts and pants now that everything had dried out. They slept fully clothed when off-world in case of an emergency… in this case it was to create a little more of a barrier between them… they were treading a very fine line after all.
But, despite their best efforts… while asleep they had no control. She was not overly surprised, a little frustrated she supposed. She was never a person who liked to be out of control, and she tried so hard to keep that line intact. But… every night they would fall asleep back-to-back, and something drew them together, some instinctual need… their desire to be close could not be pushed aside when unconscious it seemed. It was a smooth transition because she never remembered waking or consciously shifting into his arms – it just… happened.
It wasn't until Teal'c arrived that she snapped out of her daydreams.
"You look better," Teal'c commented. "I saw you both return earlier," he added to give his comment more context.
"Ah," Colonel O'Neill said with a snort. "We returned looking like bedraggled rats,"
"I didn't think you looked at all like a rat," Teal'c responded, looking concerned.
"It's just a saying," she reassured him and patted his arm consolingly. "He just meant we were rather wet and probably looked pretty miserable."
"What happened?" Teal'c asked, taking his usual seat across from them.
"I fell into the stream," she shrugged.
"Spectacularly too," Colonel O'Neill waggled his eyebrows.
"I don't know," she mimicked the way his arms had windmilled. "I think you win that one, Sir."
"Not a contest I think I will enter in future, just saying." He handed her a bowl and then took one around to Teal'c before settling himself next to her once more.
They ate in silence for a while, and then Teal'c broke it asking whether they would be trying to dial Earth again that night.
"Nah," she was surprised to hear the Colonel respond, she turned to him with such haste she almost dropped her bowl. "The gate isn't going anywhere, it's getting late, and we can try in the morning." He explained, looking unruffled despite her reaction.
She wasn't sorry, not really. She was cold and the thought of traipsing through the forest and away from their fire and their warm bed wasn't exactly enticing. Another part of her felt guilty as she thought of Daniel waiting back home when she was preparing to tuck herself into a warm bed with Colonel O'Neill and make the most of what could very well be their last day on this planet.
Teal'c looked mildly surprised but nodded. He looked over at her curiously and she tried to shut out all her thoughts about the night ahead, and simply gave Teal'c a friendly smile. He narrowed his eyes slightly though, and she wondered how much of her emotion had just played out across her face.
"I could just wander back and check, sir" she found herself offering. She wanted to kick herself and she saw Teal'c quirk an eyebrow in her direction.
"I don't think it's necessary," Colonel O'Neill shrugged beside her. "But if you want to go check, we all go."
She didn't know how to answer. She knew what had prompted her sudden offer to dial home tonight, it had been the thought of Teal'c knowing why she was eager to get to bed. Why perhaps the Colonel was less keen to get home.
"I am content to wait until morning," Teal'c offered from across the fire.
"Yeah," she answered awkwardly. "I'm happy to wait too, sir. I just thought I'd…" she trailed off and jerked to her feet. "I'll do the dishes tonight, are you finished?" She snatched up his plate without waiting for a response and then Teal'c's and collected their empty mugs while she was at it. She felt the Colonel's eyes burning into her back as she walked away towards the washing bucket.
When she returned, having gotten control of her emotions, Teal'c was on his way to bed. She waved him goodbye and then slumped on the ground in front of what she had begun to think of as hers and Colonel O'Neill's log-seat. Tonight, she simply used it as a backrest. She closed her eyes and tilted her head against the log, revelling in the heat from the fire.
After a while she thought to open her eyes and check what Colonel O'Neill was doing. She was unsurprised to find him looking down at her, he looked lost in thought. She watched him for a moment, waiting for him to notice she had shifted position. When he caught her eyes on his he gave a sheepish smile and turned to the fire.
"I didn't want Teal'c to think I wanted to stay here." She said, feeling courageous, also knowing he would automatically know what she was referring to.
"You didn't even have the stone," he said with a laugh. She held up a hand and he dropped the ever-present stone into her palm.
"It's going to be a little weird, going back home. Isn't it?" She was once again surprised at how brave she felt tonight.
"So long as that Elephant stays in its room, I think we will settle back into our regular routines pretty well." It wasn't an order, he said it gently. He reached down but instead of taking the stone which still lay in her open hand, he placed his hand over hers, and with the stone sandwiched between their hands he entwined his fingers with hers.
"I'll miss this… easiness." She knew she wasn't articulating herself well, but she knew he would understand.
"Yeah, but… it's always easy between us."
She knew he was right and when she slowly disentangled their fingers, she turned on her knees beside him and placed one hand on his knee to steady herself and leaned in close. She carefully tucked the stone back into his shirt pocket… she knew that even if they could no longer invade each other's space the way they were now – things really would just fall back into place once they returned home. Nothing could change how well they worked together, just as nothing could change how much she cared for this man.
"Ready for bed, sir?" She groaned as she got to her knees and heard them pop. If she were honest with herself, she sounded a little like Colonel O'Neill every time he rose to his feet and grumbled about his old knees, or his old back.
"Yeah," but he didn't move for a moment, just stared into the flames.
"Are you okay sir?" She walked behind him, and she lay a hand on his shoulder for a moment.
"I'm fine Carter," as she predicted, he groaned as he got to his feet and turned to her. "Just you know, making the most of a perfect end to a rather unfortunate day." Or fortunate. He must have read the expression on her face as he gave her a coy smile. "Ah-ah none of that Carter. I'm about to go to bed with you."
She hid her wicked grin by ducking her head and moving straight to their tent. Oh, she was going to remember his flailing arms for the rest of her life… but most of all, she was going to remember that feeling as he held her robe closed. She didn't think either of them had ever been that close to losing that tenuous grip they had on their self-control. It was dangerous, but she had always been a bit of an adrenaline junkie.
She settled her back against his and couldn't help the contented sigh that escaped at the feeling. If this was her last night in this bed with him, she would make the most of it.
TBC.