I don't know exactly where we are headed, but I feel the pull of Bucky's energy. I drive without quite knowing where we are going. Completely on the pull of magic that I feel and with no idea why. I try desperately to keep my mind blank and particularly off the tense silence of Steve in the passenger seat. Steve doesn't like being the passenger at the moment, but I couldn't give him instructions to drive even if I wanted. He wasn't happy when I told him it was just a feeling. I don't think he believes I am lying but he doesn't know what this is and it doesn't help that I can't explain it to him. I feel something coil inside me that is stronger, more intense than I can identify but still not something I know with certainty. After what feels like forever I pull off onto a patch of grass on the side of the road and feel my heart rate tick up.
I feel fear. Fear and adrenaline and course through me and the tiredness from driving doesn't hold me anymore. I barely hear Steve's voice drop my name but I do feel his hand reach out and close on my shoulder. It hits me harder all of a sudden. A wave of violence. My eyes snap up to the Captain's and he must see the terror there. He tries to pull back his hand but instead mine comes up to grab him. Keep him there as I hold on a ride out the wave of memory and pain and emotion. "Wait" I say. Not listening to his garbled words as I struggle this time to find the pieces.
I see the fight in the Helicarrier, Steve placid under the Winter Soldier as the metal arm unleashes on him. The guilt in that is suddenly a beacon, a fight of flesh and bone smacking together and then I feel the pain of that unrestrained agony roll over me. I should have checked the mirrors before I got out of the car in a rush, but there were no cars on the road which is good but Steve moves me off the road his sharp voice cutting into my mind. "I said we can not just stand in the road."
I pant and nod. "Sorry." I gulp and let out a breath at the car passing. "And thank you"
"What is happening right now?" He asks, voice a little less frustrated but very firm and I feel worry brush against me like a caress of silk. "Where did you go?"
I breathe slowly, struggling to explain. "The ...signal or whatever is getting stronger. He was here. I can see it. I'm sorry it is hard to follow and control at the same time." Steve nods and I turn toward the trail into the woods. "This way. Something bad happened." I start walking slowly.
Steve grabs his shield before following after me, I can feel his concern and uncertainty but I push it away. I pick up the pace moving quickly, paying absolutely no attention to the vehicle and the super soldier I left behind. I can feel the pull of pain. Guilt. Devastation. I have to hurry. Adrenaline has my heart pounding, and I feel the rush of wind, the bitter cold in the air that isn't this air and I feel the crunch of snow under my feet despite the bare dirt covered of the forest floor. I am soaked in something and I can't piece it together but I know it is this way. He didn't want to do this. He didn't want to hurt anyone. He didn't have a choice. I feel myself start to run. Once again I think Steve said my name but I don't hear it. I need to get to the center of this feeling; I need to.
Air woofs from my lungs as the blonde super soldier wraps his arms around me and stops me. I am locked in a vice of muscle with my slim frame against his big body suddenly unable to move and completely fuzzy. My back to his chest tight he doesn't let me move, and my connection to the thin thread I was pulling on slips from my hands in a quick breath when I look up. I'm at the end. It's just there. I feel myself pant in the hot smell of rotting death. I move shaky arms to Steve's hands soft and aware now as I cover his warm hands with mine. "They hunted him down," I whisper.
Steve lets his grip loosen, my feet slipping so my weight is back on the tender muscle of my legs. How long had I been running? It seems Rogers can tell I am more in my own head though. "Y/n. What did you see?" The Captain's voice is an icy command cutting through me as I feel his finger touch my cold face. He brushes a tear from my face, and I feel myself shake, out of breath.
I point down at buried remnants of a campfire. I can see Bucky, camping alone in the woods, firelight glinting off the silver of his arm as he is engulfed by emotions. I feel the rush of guilt and pain and sadness from him. He looks like Winter Soldier but it does not feel like the creature that threw me without a thought in his mind. This was a man, the man who had been beaten into the shape of the Winter Soldier. This was a good man wracked with guilt and shame and struggling to protect himself through waves of panic. These dead people had wanted to use him.
I feel Steve's hand ground me back to the world whipping tears from my face and tilting my head up to meet his eyes in the early twilight darkness. My breath is unsteady as he repeats the question. Hard and firm but this time in the present tense. "What do you see?" I anchor myself in his blue eyes and reach up to grab his shirt holding tight for something, anything in this world. Breathing in the deep air of the early evening filled with the smell of death and Captain America and let that separate the reality of the present from the vision of the past.
"I'm okay," I whisper. "Thank you...I'm okay." I stutter and step forward. Pulling Steve along just a little, my cold fingers wrapped around a warm wrist. My voice feels lost in my throat as I answer his questions "I saw this." I feel myself stop and sink to the ground. A howl of fear and pain swirling through me, griping me and pulling me to my knees. This was far enough though. I feel Steve tense but I don't fall fast enough to need catching. I don't have to look forward, I don't want to see what is up there, I instead look down at the deadly dance by the firelight that is no longer there.
"He was here. They followed him. They tried to kill him. He didn't want to hurt them. He put them down and tried to get away, but they didn't; they didn't want him in control, they wanted the soldier back" I feel my grip loosen and my eyes glaze over as I remember the distant sensation of cold metal on metal. I feel the bullets hit the vibranium hand, sensitive but indestructible, I feel punches that should be devastating but not to a super soldier and I breathe through the blur of reality and memory. I can't stop the tidal wave of it crashing over me, the smell of gunfire and the taste of blood in my mouth. I stare, seeing both the burned ash and the raging campfire at once in front of me at once.
I am still talking as Steve walks forward, looks around and says nothing. "They tried to activate the Winter Soldier." I keep my eyes down, I don't need to see it with my own eyes. I saw it with Buckys. Now I can't stop the torrent of connection and fear. I feel the Hydra Agents, feel their desperation. He can't stop. He can die here at the hands of the winter soldier or be shot on site if he comes back empty handed. He has nothing left to lose as he pummels the super soldier, mouth filling with blood. I feel it like it is me and feel my tongue sting with the taste of blood. I don't want to see more. I feel ice cover my heart, numbing me in the summer heat and it feels weird but I also know it isn't the weather. I watch the Winter Soldier get away, the Hydra agents down but alive. One of them is pretty injured. All of them have been beaten or incapacitated by Barnes. I struggle to breathe through the smell of rot. "He left them alive."
"I hate to break it to you. They are not alive." Steve replied, walking carefully through the crime scene. I look up and watch him bend down next to a body but I can also see the body as a moving man. He is on his hand and knees, blood from a broken nose and split lip filling his mouth as he spits it and glances up at another man, a Hydra man. His Captain. His Boss. His Allie. Who shoots him dead in cold blood. I want to shrek in surprise but I don't out loud.
"The Hydra squadron leader, their Captain….he killed them all." I pull the back of my hand to my face, struggling against the cold pleasure the Hydra man took from the murder. I don't want to feel his joy in murder. I don't want to feel him make the choice. "He chose to execute them rather than go back as a failure" I feel myself run cold as I start to shake, tears welling in my eyes and I can't stop them but I also can't really feel them either. The cold sense of panic falls on me. The next soldier hadn't seen it coming, dead in an instant but the third had enough time to freeze in fear. Another tried to run. The last just accepted his fate and died the man he wanted to be. None of it was fair. It tasted like sick in my mouth.
I ground myself by looking at Steve, who can still hear me despite the super soldier wandering farther as he takes in the scene. "I need something that is Bucky's. Something he touched. There has to be something here. He left in a hurry."
It feels like forever that I sit there on my knees, struggling to block out the waves of energy still pouring from the dark woods around me as I just stare at the doused campfire and push the images of live flame from my mind. I refuse to look up. I don't want to hear or see the murder yet again. The fire is fine for now. I hear Steve walk back to me, the smell of death clinging to him but I feel a wash of warmth and safety from him that has my head tilting back. I bask in it like the glow of the sun, breath ragged and sharp. "Can you turn it off?" Steve's voice is tense but kind, and I feel his energy wrap around me like light and protection. His fingertips are pure strength as he wraps around my arms to help me up.
I feel the power slip away from me. Like leaning bodily against the door in my mind, shutting off the wind of a hurricane. My struggles to turn it off finally succeeding with him wrapped around me. I breathe out steady and I am left only with overwhelming fatigue. "It's off, I just...can't" I whisper quietly, struggling and shaking as I sit down again.
I hear the sound of mechanical power and then vibration slams into the ground. I can feel my powers reaching for the person and I send out the tiniest wave to see who it is, waiting for the echo of the feeling. Ironman. Tony Stark. Slightly later there is a much more graceful landing of the Falcon. Sam. I pull myself back leaning on a tree and wave off Steve's concern. "I'm okay, I "I think I overdid it a little...I just need a second"
"Yeah….I think you did." Steve answered, voice laced with concern. He turned to look back at the newcomers. Stepping away from me.
"You called capsicle?" Comes a bright voice from the red suit.
"Thanks for coming so quickly. We have a problem." Steve says, his posture tall and tense. I didn't realise how casual he was with me, and sometimes me and Sam until I see him at attention.
Sam looks around at the carnage. "I'd say it's a pretty big one."
"Looks like you found your pal," Tony adds the computer analyzing as he looks around.
Steve shakes his head. "It isn't what you think. Let's just say, I have it on good authority that Bucky defended himself and left these men alive. They were executed by a fellow Hydra agent."
Tony's helmet walks carefully, analysing. "You think the infamous assassin did not do the instant head shots?" he asked, voice quizically.
"You think the trained sniper and long time secret operative beat them all up before shooting them and then left them here to be found" Steve answers, quirking an eyebrow up at his friend.
"Touché Old Man." Tony's helmet opens as he leans over peering around the Captain to me on the ground.
Sam is already to me, bending down to get close to me. "Are you hurt?" he asks.
I shake my head and take his hand to let him help me up. I feel his concern and a little guilt through the leather of his glove. "Just tired. I've been using my mojo so much these past two weeks I am feeling like I started this marathon at a sprint pace."
"You." Tony interrupts. "I know you. Candy? Samantha? Denise?" He searches.
I narrow my eyes tilting my head a little. "Y/N" I answer.
He laughs and snaps his metal fingers pointing at me, "See I was right." I just roll my eyes but he doesn't seem to care. He turns to Steve. "Are you taking Avenger support personnel on your little personal crusade now?"
"I can hear you." I pipe up, ruffled a little by the playboy. "and I am perfectly capable of deciding where I do and don't want to be." Sam lets me stand and I hold on to the fire in my belly. "We need to process this scene carefully. He didn't do it."
Sam nods. "You see it."
"Yes." I answer and I feel cold painful memories roll off me. Sam is close enough to feel the chill of my terror and knows me well enough to know what feeling that means. He doesn't say a word though and for that I am thankful.
The man looks concerned but feels obligated to batten down as the Falcon. "Someone is going through a lot of trouble to frame him." Sam nodded. "So we process the scene and get some evidence."
"Thank you Sam." Steve says, a little relieved that at least someone believes him.
Tony shifts a little. "Shouldn't be too hard. Jarvis analyzed the pattern and unless Bucky beat the shit out of everyone and then walked to a location without any of his footprints and shot everyone it doesn't look likely." The rich genius shrugs a little looking at Steve. "You gotta get your super heavy serum soaked toesies outta here and stop stomping around the crime scene before you erase it."
"Thank you Stark." Steve says gently, stepping back.
"Yeah yeah, whatever." Tony adds. His voice is flippant but still somehow serious. "Get outta here, and find him before this monster does."
Steve nods, turning and stepping with light feet toward me. His hand reaches out, and I stumble a step or two before he scoops me easily into his arms without hesitation, "It's okay, I got you, but we need to go" He said in a voice full of sympathy but also urgency. I tense a little but Steve doesn't seem phased in the slightest to carry me without effort; as if I weighed nothing.
His steps with wide strides eat up the ground as the darkness of full night settles around us. I smirk gently, tucking myself against the super soldier. "First Dibs on a shower. Don't need you hogging all the hot water." I feel him laugh gently against me as I let the exhaustion piles on me and I feel myself fall asleep in Steve's arms.
My head is pounding when I come to, a cold hand towel on my face and soft bed under me. I groan, shifting the fabric to see where I was. Hotel, nondescript, quiet but not entirely dark. Steve moves smoothly from his spot at the table next to the bed over onto my side. "Hey, you're safe." That voice is so honey smooth, dipped with something strange I can't put my finger on, concern maybe? If I didn't know better I would think that Captain America was worried about little old me, but I guess he might be. It is normal to be concerned when someone passes out. Especially if that person was your only hope to catch his best friend. I sit up letting out a long breath.
"I'm okay. I just overdid it." I whisper pushing myself back toward the headboard. I am not surprised really when I feel Steve help me, tucking me in as easily as he might handle a child. I'm still in the clothes from the woods, except my shoes and socks, my light tan jacket slung over the chair next to my bed. I feel my thighs tense at the idea of Steve undressing me, even if it was just to keep me comfortable. I never thought I would be doted on by a super soldier, but I won't lie, it feels nice. I look up at his concerned blue eyes and gentle face as he examines me and feel myself squirm just a little. Why is he looking at me so intently?
"I was concerned about you." Steve voices, holding my eyes, before breaking away looking down at my body with the same warm gaze that made me self-conscious enough to squirm. I am not sure if I am squirming in heat from his gaze raking across me, or realising just how close he was. Steve's thick muscular thigh is against mine, one arm on the other side of my hips propped against the bed to hold his body hovering over mine. His body is warm like a furnace, and I wonder if I find myself swallowing against the pounding in my heart and head. I glance away, desperate to change the subject away from my school girl crush.
"I could use something to eat." I say cracking a smile to break the tension. Tilting my gaze toward the two large pizza boxes on the table.
The blonde laughs softly, sitting up and nodding, the sudden break of tension felt easy as he stood, handing me the top box with a smile before settling back onto the bed closer to my feet. I flipped open the box to take a slice of the pepperoni pizza, half left still warm and melty. I try to Ignore Steve's hand on my calf, the casual touch not too unusual for him, but it somehow feels much more intimate, I feel a wave of concern from him and try desperately to turn off my senses. I need food and rest and I can worry about feeling the world later. I want the door shut please and thank you. Steve was right, I was safe, I didn't need to use my powers and I would need them to find Bucky later.
I take a bite of pizza and rolling my tense feet. "I… They were Hydra"
"You said something like that. I didn't catch all of it though" Steve asked, unsure where to pry and how much to leave alone.
I tried to keep the fear out of my voice and stick to the facts. "There were eight of them and Bucky. Bucky had been in the woods for a few days. He thought if he went completely off the grid he could avoid them." I took another bite to mull over my words. "They mean to reacquire Barnes as an asset. The Asset. The team leader murdered the team when they failed. Bucky didn't hurt anyone in the fight." I stop. I remember Bucky's metal arm slamming into a shoulder, dislocating it, then a kick to the chest with a few broken ribs. "Well...he. He didn't kill anyone. I could feel he was being careful. He chose to run. That didn't matter to Hydra. It was easier to kill the crew and write it as a loss coming back a failure."
I shift a little in discomfort, not sure if it is from my soreness or the information I gleaned from Hydra. "If Bucky killed a whole crew, they would send more resources, and it would be easier next time." I swallow, taking another bite of cheese comfort.
Steve looked a little surprised, but not as surprised as me when he took one of my rolling feet into his lap and readjusted one limber thumb pushing into the sole of my sore appendage, firm and slow. He didn't even seem to notice, not that he was doing it, nor that it made my heart race. "Running seems like a good call. How do we find him before Hydra?"
I resisted the urge to moan. Since when was this my life? Steve Rogers giving me a foot massage and pizza in bed. Maybe I am dreaming? I sigh. "He'll be more careful now. Did you get something that was his?"
Steve nodded, reaching into his pocket and producing a set of dog tags. I set the pizza down reaching forward. "Perfect." I remarked touching the cool metal as I took it from his warm hand. I felt a rush of the fight still on it, adrenaline, running, chain breaking, keep running. "Both recent and been with him for a long time"
The super soldier squeezed my foot gently, getting my attention back to his sharp blue eyes. "You need to rest before you try anything like that again. I don't need you hurting yourself." I feel my chest tighten.
I nod "It's fine, It will be easier to do it when he's sleeping anyway." I watch him nod, quietly looking at the length of my ankle, stroking the skin idly with his fingertips. Suddenly his fingers working over my skin is way more intimate then it felt like a second ago and his concern feels hot in my cheeks and down my chest.
I force myself to break eye contact, picking my slice back up and eating quickly with a nod of agreement. "Good pizza." I remark, mouth full, changing the subject.
I sleep soundly for a while, but eventually I wake up and dig out the dogtags. I look over at Steve, he is sleeping in the other queen bed, his beautiful blue eyes closed and chiseled face soft and relaxed in sleep. I can't stop staring at him, he's so close and I wonder what it would be like to reach out and touch the rough stubble of his face. Does his hair feel as soft as it looks? Can I ask him to rub away more aches? It was difficult not to let my mind wander. I take a deep breath trying to focus on the metal in my hand, thumb brushing the raised letters with a soft lulling swish. I open my mind, breathing deep and slow and reaching out.
I find something different. Something not I was looking for. I feel myself step into the open air of a park. Bright sunlight beats down on me and I feel hot and good, muscles working as I push myself. Air moving around me. I pull myself out of the dream Steve and watch him run away from me. The back of Captain America, running through the park at sunrise looks serenely peaceful and I let that thought fill me up. He doesn't see me but I don't want him to. I smile to myself and step back. Nope. Not what I was looking for, but beautiful all the same.
I turn and stumble into a wall of hot steam, I blink to clear my eyes, looking in the mirror. It's foged, the steam of a hot shower and the sound of running water filling my senses with the smell of vanilla. I see wet blond hair, and the curve of bare muscle. Oh. Right. He like to shower after a run. Of course. I am obviously still a little focused on Steve. Who could blame me. In the mirror there is a clear spot and I feel my heart pound with the slice of his skin. His beautiful sculpted back, deltoid wrapping and flexing under sweaty steam covered skin. His biceps flexing and pulling his scapula in silky smooth lines. The vividness of his body makes me sit in a wash of guilt. I think this might be Steve's dream, not mine. I shouldn't be here, but his voice is like honey when he suddenly lets out a moaning breath with my name. "Y/N"
Fuck. Does he see me? No. No I don't think so. He moans then. Not a groan of annoyance. Not a 'what are you doing here?' No. That was purely pornographic and the sound shot between my legs with a sweet and sour ache. I shouldn't look, but I glance up anyway at the rapidly disappearing part of his reflection. He's wet. Naked. Wide shoulders breathing rough and pressed against the shower wall. His eyes are closed, head thrown back and the sound he lets out is nothing short of glorious. God, that voice, rumbling deep inside me as I watch his arm tense and relax moving faster. Oh. Oh...He is masterbating. Slow. Hot. Making wonderful sounds of admiration and my name falls out of his mouth again and I step back quickly.
I open my eyes, heart pounding back in the hotel room. I look over at Steve. He's asleep still, relaxed. I gulp for a moment and breath. Was that my fantasy? Or was it his? Fuck...It must have been mine. I mean. Right? It wasn't really his. He barely knows me? I mean it had been a little over a two weeks and he did know me a little before... No. No, that was me. Definitely me. That must have been me. I am overwhelmed by him being so handsy today. I need to stop thinking about him and concentrate on the owner of the metal in my hand.
I close my eyes again, swallowing down my desire and focus on the cold in my fingers. I let go of the door handle in my mind and push it all the way open instead. No half measures, I seem to keep ending up in the head of the people in this room. I Step Out. Reaching Out to connect to the metal in my hand. Swish. Swish. Breathe.
Breathe. The lull of swishing fills my ears with even measured breathing trying to block out the memories of pain that want to drive through my skull like hot nails. I feel drained, tired and sunken as I clean blood of my left hand, metal stained in red blood. Metal. Metal Hand. Okay! This isn't my dream. I'm in a green tile dirty bathroom, the lights a sickly halogen, dark and not very yielding. There is a smell of death and rot that sticks to me. I feel my heart speed up and this time I know it is my heart and not the one in the dream. I close my eyes and focus on pulling myself out of the dream. I want to look around his location, not his head. I succeed only in dragging myself out of the Winter Soldier. I am so tired I shouldn't be surfing through other people's dreams yet. Steve was right, of course, but I was here. Bucky was here. Now I just needed to know where 'here' was.
I sink to my knees, the soldier is hunched on the edge of a tub in a bathroom, trying to clean the blood off his hands. Bright red drips from the metal fingers onto the yellow green tile floor. I watch him breathe, struggling against the mottled bruises across his torso. I can't tell if this is his dream or his minds reality. He could be stuck like this in his mind. Suffering. Guilt of the blood on himself, marks of his trauma. Or is he actually in a bathroom cleaning away the events of the woods? It is hard to tell with dreams. I know it is a dream though because the walls feel melted and things are too unreal. "Where are you?" I asked quietly, mostly to myself as I look around, but I was shocked when he seemed to hear me.
The metal arm flashes out fingers tight around my neck pinning me and pushing the walls to pulse and pound to the beat of my heart. "Get out of my head." His voice is level and steeped in pain. A promise slides across his skin to mine. He isn't afraid of me, and he will tear me in two.
"Ok….ok" I whisper, one hand touching the cool metal wrist and stepping back, pulling him with me gently. He doesn't stand, but he is suddenly standing, and so am I. We are no longer in his mind. I instead pulled him back into mine.
I don't pull him into the memory of the beach. Instead I bring him just into the surface of my mind. The room is bright and warm rather than sickly green. Sunlight streams in the tall carpenter gothic style windows across hardwood floors. The room is painted white and cream, decorated in my favorite color and oozes of home and laziness. There are books and a Victorian style bay window that makes no architectural sense but my mind does not have to.
"I didn't mean to invade your mind" I whisper, feeling his hand release as he takes in his surroundings. I can tell the warmth of my mind is unexpected but also not unwelcome. I let it wrap around him and fill him up with calm and care that I can feel he has been missing for a while. He takes only as much as he wants. Hesitating. I struggle with keeping my insecurity out, but that isn't how this works. It fills him too. He can see me and my fears, but I can't help him and hold back at the same time. "I apologize," I add.
He's staring at me, his heart calm and breath slow. He just nods, His face looks a little lost. I think he accepts my apology and I watch him look around. "This is your mind then Dreamgirl?" I follow his eyes to the poster of Captain America on the wall, shirtless and barely looking over his shoulder. His face is obscured so I hope he doesn't know I am mentally ogling his best friend and I struggle not to flush bright red. The Winter Soldier doesn't look at it long, instead I watch Bucky walk slowly around the room.
He walks across the bookshelf, touching the spines and feeling the spines prickle over his fingertips. He stops at one, tapping it. Tolkin's Hobbit and I shift wondering what other of my mind's items he would mull over and judge. "I've been looking for you. Me and Steve.''
I watch him glance at me, his eyes appraising me, raking across me slowly but with a renewed interest. "You and Steve?" He repeats.
Maybe I wasn't clear, he doesn't seem on track and I can feel the room in my mind feels hotter, heat radiating from him. I ask, heart beating a little faster. "Do you remember Steve? Steve Rogers?" It's excitement warming the room, and Bucky can feel it, looks around for a second. "He's your friend" I continue, when Bucky doesn't say anything in response I continue even thought it feels like I am rambling. "He's been your friend for a long time."
He looks down at himself confused. "I shouldn't be here. It's dangerous. Tell Steve to stop looking. I'm not worth the time" I smell something sickly and thick on my tongue and reach out to grab Bucky's arm.
He stares down at me, his face a little clouded. "He isn't gonna stop looking for you," I tell him. Letting firm resolve flood into the man in front of me. He looks at me with soft eyes, so raw and open behind a hard set jaw. "You're worth the time, Bucky." I don't know why I reach out, touching his face softly with my other hand, but I feel him freeze, eyes wild as he stares into me. I feel fear sticking to him. The feeling from him is thick like honey as it slips down my hand and drops onto the floor. He is afraid of himself, of what he might do. Of his own mind. I pull it off of him and throw the thick sludge to the floor flicking my fingers.
I pull him close to me, wide strong shoulders blocking out the room from my view as I gently let my fingers spread across the back of his neck and pulling him close to me. I reach out with everything I can. Pushing to cover the distance in reality. Pushing to make up for my sluggish power. Pushing to make him hear me. As his body touches mine I let calm flow against him. I don't push, just let it sit next to him to take if he wants, and let my mind pull at the thick goop of fear off of him. I feel him groan his hands gently coming to land on my waist. I feel good to him, soothing against the hot rush of his painful mind, and he lets himself feel it for just a moment, as I dig at the sludge coating him and pull it off. His eyes meet mine, and I feel his curiosity course through me. He doesn't ask who I am, but it whispers across my skin as a question in his mind.
Just like that he is gone.
Just like that the world shimmers and I am somewhere else. I'm on a train. Air whooshing past me out a large hole in the compartment blown clean open. Bang Bang Bang goes the sidearm in Bucky's hand over the edge of Captain America's shield that is protecting his body. He's blasted, grabs a handrail and Steve is out on a limb to save him. I feel the raw panic and pain swim around me as Bucky falls. Buck. No.
Bang Bang Bang. I watch it again. Bucky Shoots. Bucky is Shot. Bucky Holds on. Bucky Falls.
Bang Bang Bang. Steve is knocked back. Steve fights to get up. The woosh of the train drowns out my racing heart. Steve fails. Bucky falls.
Bang Bang Bang. Steve Fails. Bucky Falls.
Bang Bang Bang. Bucky falls.
Steve Fails.
Bang Bang Bang
Bucky Falls
Bang
Bang
Bang
"STOP!" I scream finally and everything stops. Time freezes and Bucky falls to his knees, gun dropping the ground with a thud while the shield drops to the other side and rolls next to him making a metallic ring. The soldier shakes, his knees weak as he pants and looks right at me. I glance up at Steve. Steve had fallen into the corner edge of the car, he pushes himself up on all fours panting hard. I glance back at the shooter. He's frozen in time, completely still. I turn back, both Steve and Bucky are trembling and breathing hard, intense blue eyes staring directly at me. Whose nightmare was this exactly?
The train falls out from under me, I fall into a dirty lab. Water, dirt, the smell of fire, and filth. Bucky is on the table, his humanity leaking out of him despite his best efforts, a blue iridescent goop that I am pretty sure only I can see mixing with the filth on the floor. "No" I whisper, running before I could think not to. I am suddenly scooping a handful off the floor and slapping it down on the prone man's chest. "No." The contact of my hand jolts him. I pull the sludge back up and into him, it sucks up off the floor in a creepy reversal of time and I feel him shake from the effort. "You are no less human" The man with two flesh and blood arms morphs into the Winter Soldier under my fingers. Not just Bucky with the metal arm, but the cold soulless killer. So I say it again "You are no less human" I feel cold snow. It falls in a rush sticking to me like a sludge of fear in a torrent that avalanches straight down from the ceiling as the metal arm flys up to grip my neck. I don't know why I say it. I don't really speak it. It just flows over us both like a rush of sunshine.
"I'm with you till the end of the line"
The room slams to a stop. Like the whole thing was on a train, throwing me back, the collection of snow flying through the air and throwing Bucky. No, not Bucky anymore. Steve. Captain America. Full uniform, shield, and everything thrown through the cockpit of a plane as it smashes into ice. Water floods around me. Steve struggles to breathe for a moment. The ice-cold water begins to cloud. It's a chain reaction racing toward me through the supercooled water. A cloud of crystals instantly freezing race through the water and the ship. It travels quickly across my vision like a cheap party trick with a bottle of beer. I turn to Steve struggling to swim up to fight. I feel him wonder why he should. Why can't this be the end of the line? It's so cold.
An arm reaches out through the water, cold metal clamping around me and pulling me up for a breath of air and drags me to shore. Bucky. Bucky pulled me from the water. 70 years later after Steve gave up to let himself drown...Bucky saved him.
Pain spreads through me like white hot lighting. Everything blurry for a moment, then Bucky is in the chair. He's strapped down and I can see the blue goo covering the floor. It is flowing out of his metal arm, each crease hemorrhaging humanity. "Bucky" I hear Steve's voice come out of my mouth and look to the left and he is there with me. Shield and full uniform chest rising and falling, confused and yet he doesn't care. He throws the shield. I run to Bucky. Someone shoots at me, but it passes through me because I can control the dream and I will the guard to the floor. I place my hand on Bucky's chest and Steve breaks the chair. He struggles to wake Bucky, shaking the limp shoulder, trying to get those blue eyes to see him.
White flashes and Steve is sitting over a stack of files. Every one of the people he knows is dead. The pain is a slick red, smoothly running down his face and over him. The pain and guilt is coating him like blood. He isn't really crying. He's quite in the memory, or the dream, whatever it was. He is quiet and still and yet his pain flows around my feet. I glance up to Bucky next to me. He's knee-deep in it too. It smells like fear and failure. He bends down, touching it and looking at his best friend with understanding and sadness.
I pull back. We're in a battlefield, there is gunfire and Steve's hands are covered in blood. Bucky's too. They are dirty and tired, leaning against a dirty embankment. They don't say anything, don't do anything. Steve swallows hard and Bucky leans the few inches to close the distance between their shoulders and they just lean on one another, heads tilting to rest on one another. They look so young. Kids at war.
I pull back. There is a room. A door that glows like sunshine. Step close to it, covered in pain and loss from the other memories I don't want to tarnish this but I push it open and look inside.
Steve is lost in Bucky's arms. Their lips are locked and they are steeped in sadness. Bucky is going to war. Steve can't go. It is strange to see the skinny and small version of Steve, but it feels like him just the same. Bucky's memory of him is still beautiful and strong at heart. The moment is all love and pleasure, bodies moving languid and sensual. Bucky is worshiping Steve. Steve is memorizing Bucky. Purple mist, wispy and unable to be caught, is breathed out by Bucky and into Steve.
The door slams shut but it doesn't lock. I hesitate for a moment but I gently push it open again. Bucky shakes, his hair is short-cropped and they are in a military tent. I can feel Bucky's fear, thick with the taste of torture. He stinks of Hydra and pain as Steve holds him, brushing bare skin against his bare skin. It's fast and desperate this time. Bucky feels different, changed and he is scared of himself, Steve is different and it almost feels like they don't even know each other. Purple swirled around them both still. Steve breathes it out and Bucky breathes it in.
The door slams shut. They are beautiful. They are beautiful together. I know I should stop, I should back away. I should leave this alone. I don't open the door again, but this time it opens on its own. Captain America, in his full uniform, looking down just a little on the Howling Commando Sergeant Barnes. There is so much love there as Bucky pulls him by his pack straps around a corner, slamming his back against the wall, lips meeting the younger man's in a force and bruising kiss. "Dont you fucking scare me like that again" the brunette growls. Purple mist radiating from him.
Steve breathed it in. "Language" he whispers before capturing Bucky's mouth again, one gloved hand sliding down to grab a handful of Barnes' ass.
The door slams shut and it opens again. This one feels hotter. It is like a blast of red hot lust through my mind and I blush immediately. Steve and Bucky and a woman. She's between them, sharing them, being shared and I feel desire shoot between my legs like a gunshot. I reach forward and grab the door handle and yank it shut.
I hold it shut this time as it hiccups trying to open. This door isn't for me. It's for them and that's okay. I step back and feel the world tip as I fall backward into a bed. My breath caught hard and fast as pleasure and absolute adoration rolls through me. Bucky is buried between my legs. Short cropped military hair in my fingers and the sweet lopsided smirk as he looks up at me, mouth wet and breath short from me riding out my pleasure on his face "Come on, dream girl. Tell me what you want."
Fuck. Oh god. Where did that come from? I flip over to run and find myself straddling Steve. He is completely naked under me and inside me; I know this fantasy well, this one is mine through and through. I close my eyes as pleasure runs through me, he thick inside me, my body on fire while I support myself on his chest. I gulp trying to wrestle control from my dream. Usually, I ride him, the length of him buried inside me to soothe the sour ache that burns me. I shouldn't do this right now.
"Why not?" Steve asks, his eyes sparkle as my eyes snap open. "I want you." He says leaning up and rolling his hips into me. No. Oh no no no, that is different. That isn't my fantasy. Not that it isn't hot, just that it is completely new. His breath is hot on my neck as he sits up and claims my lips with his. Oh god, I never imagined how good he could taste. I am stunned by how vivid he feels, the smell of his sweat is new and strong as he rolls his hips up into me in a way I had never played with in my mind before. He bucks up into me and holds my hips with inhuman strength he easily moves my hips down to grind me against him shooting pleasure through me. Oh god. Oh god. I don't want to stop.
Then two hands wrap around my middle, caressing Steve's hands before exploring up my body, fingers spreading wide to squeeze my breasts, one bright silver and cold, the other super soldier hot. I breathe harder, my heart pounding against my chest, feeling Steve roll his hips up into me. He leans forward and locks lips with the Winter Soldier over my shoulder. Long dark hair, plump lips, meet smooth and blond in a dance of tongues. They are so hot I feel myself gush around the thickness buried deep inside me. God, I am out of my depth here, this is so dirty and delicious I don't know what to do, I am just drowning in desire and heat. They break their kiss, Steve dropping back to the bed and Bucky's flesh hand travels down, his fingers splitting at my core. His palm cradles my throbbing mound, fingers spreading my slick skin, the edges of his middle and ring finger stradling the intrusion inside me and stroking his best friend and lover where we are joined. He twists his wrist and the heel of his palm grinds into my sweet spot. "Fuck, oh god!" I scream, completely lost as I grab onto Steve, catching his hot blue eyes and I feel Bucky's teeth sink into my shoulder. I don't care who's fantasy this is anymore I just want to come.
Bucky metal hand travels up, abandoning my breast to one of Steve's warm hands as he spreads the fingers across my clavicle, the unyielding metal and strength pushing me down, driving his rolling palm up against my public bone pinning my sensitive clit between two unyielding forces. I start to shake, the entire room quaking and light from the windows becoming blindingly bright. Bucky's voice is like honey "Promise you'll ride me next dreamgirl?" he whispers, making me come in an explosion that shatters not just me, but the entire room and the entire dream.
I scream, dropping the dogtags.
I sit up panting. Breathing hard and heart pounding. I take a moment to remember where I am and who I am. The room is solid. I am awake. I can feel my skin and all the emotions inside me threaten to leak out and I lock them down like a vice. I look over and Steve, who is shocked, confused, and sitting bolt upright, "What just happened?" He asked, looking at me, "You screamed." He added after no response, moving over to me.
I lay back down, struggling for air and shaking. Embarrassment overwhelms me and emotions pour through me. I close my eyes to them. Struggling not to shift and feel the slick slide over my hypersensitive sex, my body covered in sweat. Waiting for the storm inside me to pass I pray that I didn't say anything too embarrassing. "I lost control" I whisper, overwhelmed with pleasure from an orgasm, and still confusingly completely soaked in Bucky's pain.
I think some of the latter seeps out, I feel my emotions hit Steve in a gentle wave. He looks confused for a moment before I feel the bed dip as Steve hesitates for a second but makes a choice to gathers me in his arms and I feel safe as he strokes my hair. Safe like Steve did in Bucky's arms before the serum. Safe like Bucky did after Steve rescued him.
I breathe out and swallow hard. I wasn't supposed to see what I saw and I focused on letting go. Even as Steve rubs circles into my back, "Okay. Okay. We'll find him in the morning" came the deep rumble of Steve's voice. This was absolutely not helping the situation between my legs.
"I'm okay. I found him" I tell him, sliding the dog tags around my neck as I settle back in the bed, breathing and gulping down air. "Just...little too much too fast." I laugh softly. "I'm sorry for waking you."
Steve is gracious. He gets me a glass of water before crawling back into bed and I settle back into sleep.
Steve's voice comes across the communicator in my ear with sarcasm and "Are you sure?" He asks again, part teasing and part insecurity. "Maybe it was just a dream"
"I am absolutely positive he is here." I step a little faster down the slightly busy street. "Not in the past. Now." I add, trying to search the street casually. "Just keep looking."
I can feel him. I throw out a wave of power, waiting for it to ping people and return to me. He was close a moment ago. I felt him. I knew how he felt in the sea of other people and he was here. Damn it.
My heart pounds when I feel a tight grip yank me suddenly and my chest and cheek hit the wall. It was hard unyielding metal under leather pinned against my neck and upper back while flesh clad leather pins both hands together twisted into the small on my back. Fear floods through me like a bolt of lightning. I jerk against the hold of this man behind me but I don't move, not an inch. In a flash something changes, the hard planes of a body up against my back pins me, and the leather hand curves around me in a flash to cover my mouth. He doesn't cover my nose but his voice rumbles through both my back and my ears as he just says "shhhh." I breathe through my nose, my muscles still try to fight, but there's not even a hint of a budge from the wall of muscle behind me. I try to buck my hips but it doesn't matter, his grip is completely firm and I can't even think about moving.
I open myself to the feeling of the person behind me. Bucky. Fucking Super Soldiers. Nothing makes all that time in the gym and training that SHIELD required feel like it is worth nothing than not being able to move at all. "Stop fighting." Came that deep rumble again, dripping through me like hot honey and making every hair stand up on end. "I'm not going to hurt you." Something in that voice was not what I expected from meeting the Winter Soldier. I closed my eyes against the press of hard leather on my mouth, holding tight but not too tight, and relaxed in his hold. I try to calm the race of my heart and feel him pull me like a rag doll, sliding us deeper into the recess of the alley. His voice is warm and low as it rumbles "quiet" as he pulls me close and turns me behind the edge of a brick alcove. He leaned in close, hot breath and long hair tickling my face as he shifted to block me from the street. His hand was still tight on my hip, body pressed against my side still hard and unyielding, but his hand is no longer over my mouth.
I swallowed my fear as my heart starts to calm. My eyes adjust to the dark and I could see his blue eyes trained on the side. Bright blue orbs watching the street through the curtain of his hair. His strong jaw covered in stubble clenched with tension. I felt the seconds pass and struggled with logic of what was possibly going on. This man was a Super Soldier, the Winter Soldier, if he wanted to hurt me he would have. If he wanted me knocked out I would be unconscious already, instead, we were hiding. He had immobilized me, but didn't hurt me. His uncompromising strength held in check and now he covered me. His black jacket, dark pants covered me entirely, my tan jacket smothered in his darkness. He was hiding me. I took a shaky breath, and felt it burn in my lungs as his blue eyes flashed back to me. Stopping my breath inside me. He gently touches my face, eyes raking over me as he touches my skin with reverence. "So you're real?" He asks, gentle but strangely confused. "Who are you?" He asks, voice soft and guarded.
I feel myself shake gently, my eyes stuck on his soft lips and tight chin instead of those breath-stealing eyes. "Why are you hiding me?" I watched his jaw clench, his hot breath washing over me from his nose in annoyance.
I watch him struggle before he decides to answer. "They were following you."
That got my attention, my eyes snapping up to meet his. There is something there I didn't expect, a protectiveness, something that felt deep and smooth as it poured into my chest calming my fear. There was something inside him that just felt so careful as he glanced back through the strands of his hair. I am not a threat to him. Even though I was following him, looking for him, he didn't see me as a threat. "Hydra?" I ask, a sinking feeling at the word in my stomach. He nods without looking back to me, his body relaxing a little and sliding back to peer back toward the street. "I can help you." He looks back at me, eyes hardened and skeptical but he doesn't move farther away. I stay against the wall, feeling it smooth and strong supporting me when those eyes cut deep into me.
"You didn't even know you were being followed." He said softly, tilting his head with slight speculation and a smirk of confidence that reminds me of James flirting and not the Soldier. My stomach flops a little on its own accord. "You didn't come alone, Dreamgirl." His flesh fingers press against the earpiece in my ear activating my microphone before I can realize what he is doing.
Suddenly Steve's voice is almost loud and intrusive in my ear, filling the intimate space between Bucky and myself. "Y/N? Where are you" If I didn't know better I would think that I could hear some panic in Steve's voice. At the very least urgency.
I could hear my heart pound again, hoping I don't mess this up, but he is almost smiling something cocky with his head tilted as his eyes rake down my body, and I feel like he is looking at me naked straight through my clothes "Y/N huh? So dreamgirl has a name."
I can't hide my fluttering nervousness as that pet name reminds me of his face buried between my legs and a jolt of pleasure spikes across my spine. I try to hide behind a pained smile that crosses my face for a moment. "I don't expect you to remember me. You threw me pretty nonchalantly down a hall to get to a helicarrier once."
"Sorry about that" Bucky breathed, leaning back a little, his eyes flashing down in shame.
I shrug, trying to stay calm. "Nah, I was trying to stop you and you didn't kill me, I'd call that pretty fair"
He laughs softly, some calm pouring in to replace a little tension in his body. "You're not here with a team." He followed up quickly, letting me know he had been watching me, his hand loosening as he stepped back to check down the alleyway again. "Why are you two here?"
I breathe slowly, staying plastered against the brick wall. "To help you" I can see him process, confused a little. I wonder what he thought of meeting the person from his dreams, and trying to sift through what was real and what wasn't.
Bucky looked cautious but also didn't move. "And what if I don't want your help?"
I stepped forward, closing the gap between me and him, and I felt him tense. He knew I was no threat and still, he tensed. I could taste his fear in the back of my tongue, syrup and sour. It was amazing to feel the power to make a super soldier afraid. "Bucky" I whispered, placing a hand on his chest and feeling panic wave off him through his shirts. I just wish him a moment of peace but when I try and let him take some of mine I feel his metal arm clamp down on my wrist. He is gentle. Really he is. But unlike my dream, there are physical constraints and he is very strong and I am a very vanilla flavor of human. He feels my pain spark over our connection and releases immediately. Stepping back fast and I feel shame and guilt clamp down before I yank my powers back fast and hard.
He looks at his hand. He's shocked that he hurt me. "I'm sorry- I didn't mean to hurt you" but it was too late.
"It's okay, I tell him, I'm fine." I answer by rubbing my wrist gently and shaking it off.
He pushes forward again, pining me back against the wall, voice clear and sharp. He is a little loud this close to me but a reminder that he was being loud enough for my earpiece to pick him up. God knows he is close enough. He breaks his eyes from my lips, back to my eyes for a moment. "Come get your girl Stevie, before she gets into trouble."
Steve's voice is shocked but also firm and possessive in my ear, a warning and a plea all at once. "Buck..."
I breathe in to speak but he cuts me off, stepping back "Stop following me. It isn't safe." before taking off way too fast for me to catch on foot. I looked back, reaching down to grab my bag before moving my hand up to my earpiece.
"He ditched me" I said with a soft huff of exasperation. I close my eyes and try to reach out, to ping him again but he is gone. I don't know how he did that. I can't figure out where he is among all the people on the street. "Fuck" I breathe. I was so close.
Steve and I sit on the edge of the rooftop, staring out into the harbor, eating take-out Chinese as the sun sets. It's nice; even if it is a steak out for a certain friend turned deadly assassin. I'm not a dainty eater, but Steve makes it seem like I am picking at scraps. We sit in comfortable silence for a while. He polishes off his food and leans back happily against the wall. "Why do you have to eat so much?" I ask quietly, picking at my food the curiosity and silence getting the better of me.
"Super soldier metabolism." He answers, shrugging softly. "I recover fast, I am strong, but I burn a lot of calories and need a lot of fuel." He tilted his head with a sweet little smirk before adding "plus I get cranky when I don't eat."
I laugh easily at his joke. If I didn't know better I would think it was flirting. He shifts a little uncomfortably before casually asking. "Why do you need an object to reach someone?"
I shrug, feeling more open after all this time with him than I did when he first asked how this worked. "I don't need it. But it helps. Significantly." He tilts his head curiously. "Something...that someone feels ownership over a thing it has a space in their mind and an emotional attachment. It's like they build a door in their mind to it and I can walk through. Without one I have to knock at the front door."
Steve hesitates just a little. "What does it feel like?" He seems to know that this is probably a very personal question.
"Overwhelming sometimes." I whisper leaning back against the small wall behind us. It's easier to talk looking out than toward Steve's intense blue eyes. "I feel like I am them at first. In their dream or mind. It can get confusing. I can't tell the difference between what they are feeling and what I am right away until I pull myself out." I shift a little. "The more times I reach out along the same path, the easier it is. The less I need the object. But strong connections are the only ones I can perceive fully. Without a token of some kind, I may only be able to tell what sounds Buky is hearing. Or what he is tasting. Something like that."
Steve nods a little. "Do you ever...see things you're not supposed to."
I smile a little glancing up through bright blue eyes. "I see a lot of things I'm not supposed to. I try not to think about it because it wasn't for me." I imagine how he might feel, knowing I saw him with Bucky. Saw how much they love each other, felt it. "People think of things they never act on, and remember things differently than they were. It's… not reliable." I shrug and yawn. "I don't believe everything I see."
"Are you tired already?" He asked, slightly concerned.
I shrug. "When I dreamwalk I'm not really resting. So I didn't actually sleep much last night.
"Ah" He answers. "You want to take a short nap? I can wake you up if anything happens."
That does sound like a good idea. "Yeah...maybe" I look around at the rough surface for a place to get comfortable when I feel Steve's warm arm slide around me. My heart beat ticks up a little as I glance up at him. His smile is soft and I almost feel him want to blush in embarrassment.
"It's fine, I'd rather you lay on me than a dirty rooftop." He responds, and he makes it sound like the gentlemanly thing to do but it feels intimate regardless.
I lean into him, eyes closing into the warmth of his arm, a few fingers drawing idol circles on my back. "Thank you Steve." I whisper letting a soft breath out and breathing in I smell him. He says something polite and it doesn't take long at all for me to fall asleep in the warm safety of his arms.
I think it will be dreamless, but instead, I smell leather and vanilla rushing up around me. Bucky. I feel his lips on me, hot and warm in my mouth, his strong thighs between my legs as I straddle him. I open my eyes. We're on a couch this time. Dark in a dingy apartment. Just like that, I know where he is. His metal hand is buried in my hair, the flesh one settles on my thigh. He's shirtless under me and I am wearing a big baggy T-Shirt and oh god nothing else. I blink hard, breaking contact for a moment as he leans back, and his voice is like warm honey. "What do you want, Dreamgirl?" He whispers, all bravado and sex dripping with allure. I reach out, touching the center of his chest. He looks at me with a little shock watching me closely and tracing the fresh bruises on my wrist.
"Dreamgirl?" He asked. I feel his hesitance all of a sudden, radiating from.
"Bucky..." I whisper. He wraps his arms around me then, mouth ravaging mine. I feel desire rip through me, his hands gripping me hard and firm but careful not to be too rough. But it is just a dream and clothes are a construct and in the blink of an eye his tongue invades me and his bare straining heat is against me and my wet thighs as I tremble with the need to sit on him.
"This isn't how it goes" He responds, a small smirk spreading across his face, "usually you tell me you want me," he feels my arousal roll off me then and I feel his excitement pouring through me like honey. "Are you really here then, Dreamgirl?" I smile and nod, leaning back I tip us off the sofa. I pull him with me. Dragging him out of his mind and into mine.
We fall back into my pillow soft bed in my mind. My legs are still wrapped around his naked body now wrapped in soft sheets, and I'm in my underwear "As real as I can be" He groans at the fabric blocking him from sinking inside me and rolls his hard length against my sensitive core on the other side of rapidly soaking cotton. He looks up and around to take in the soft feminine room of my mind. He smiles as he recognizes it. I pull his face back to mine and hide the private parts of me from view. God I want him so bad. I thought maybe it was just being in his fantasy a moment ago, but pinned underneath him in my mind I feel the sour want twisted in my gut, and my muscles clench. "If you keep dreaming about me. Why did you ditch me?"
He shifts, feeling hesitant to be so serious, as he strokes my face tenderly, "I don't want to talk" He kisses me again and I feel his fear and that he just wants to hide from the real world inside me. "I just want to be here." he grumbles against my lips, hands pulling at my clothes underwear. "I want you, and I want everything else to go away." I feel his intentions. He is leaving soon. Getting farther away from me and he is worried more distance will make it harder to connect with me.
I feel myself groan as his desire slides through me. His and mine, I let him feel my desire for him, warm and true. "If that is true, then why not let me and Steve find you?"
He seems a little afraid. He leans back, taking my hand in his, tracing the purple bruise on my wrist. "I didn't even know you were real until today… and the first thing I did was hurt you"
I move my hand to his face. I smirk. "Actually… the first thing you did…was turn me on" In a flash the world shifts and I put him in the same position around me as the alley, except both are still nearly naked. He is hard and flush against my back. His metal arm holds me tight, the other covering my mouth. This time I bite his fingers gently, sucking them into my mouth and moan.
"Oh fuck," he groans, he moves his hand down my chin, petting the stretch of my neck as I lean my head back onto his shoulder.
"Ask me again." He tilts his head a little confused and I crack a smile. I elaborate "Ask what you asked me before." I lick my lips. "When I was in your dream."
I feel him boil, a slow smile spread across his lips like liquid fire. "What do you want, Dreamgirl?"
"You" I breathe the word like a prayer and I enjoy the feeling of utter lust that ripples through me flowing off him like radiating heat. I'm lost in his hand dipping down my belly and over my thigh, hot breath on my neck. His hand travels across my soft skin, sliding up exploring. His teeth scrape my neck, I feel his desire thrum through me, heating me up.
His voice is a gravel deep groan across my lips and skin as his fingers seek my wet center, slipping down into my panties and over my slick thighs with a deep moan. "How about that ride you promised?"
I gasp in shock. Both from the statement and the sudden cold as I jerk awake. Bucky is gone. I pant sitting up and closing my thighs hard feeling my heartbeat in my wet center. My heart beat doesn't slow as panic settles in me. I'm all mixed up. Was that my fantasy? Not completely. Was it his? Not completely. We were most definitely both there but...was I seeing his dream or making them? Not just that, but Bucky seemed to be aware of the other dreams. He knew it wasn't his fantasy when I did something different. Earlier when I rode Steve he did something different. Wonderful amazing things that were different, but also Bucky had never been in that fantasy before either and that was definitely mine. How can they affect my dream? Did I accidentally pull in Steve before? He acted differently in the dream and he wasn't there now when I knew we was awake. Did I pull them both to me in that dream? Shit shit. How did I get so lost in their minds and my own?
Steve's hands are on me, gentle and soothing as he breaks me from my thoughts. "Are you okay? Bad dream?"
"No." I gulp in air and stand quickly. "I know where he is" I point, and give Steve an address. "He's gonna run again. Go." Steve hesitates. "Go. I mean it" I slap the ear bud into his hand "I'll catch up, I'm fine. Go." Steve nods and doesn't hesitate to take a short way down, jumping clear off the side of the building. Fucking super soldiers.
Steve POV:
I feel the panic from Y/N bubble across the contact with her skin and a sense of desperate urgency. I wonder if that is for me to find Bucky or for her to find him. I try to shake her out of my head, and I pick up the pace, either way I don't want to lose him. Not again. Not when we are so close.
I drop myself onto the fire escape of what I am pretty sure is Bucky's home and swing my way into the open window. Bucky glanced up, floorboards open and a small bag in hand. He stood slowly, grabbing a small black notebook off the counter. I can see his heart pounding in the pulse under his jaw, so I lift up my hands, calm and slow. "Buck, stop. Wait a second" I'm embarrassed for a moment and feel like I am sixteen again when the last word cracks out of me "Please" I swallow hard watching him pause.
I watch him look me up and down, he sizes me up and I feel my heart melt for him. This man is the man I know. I don't feel the struggle in him the way I did in the helicarrier. I see my friend in his blue eyes even if they are sad and hollow, sunken from lack of sleep. His long hair is ragged but tucked under his hat, his face stubbled and his eyes shadowed. He looks more like the man I pulled off an experimentation table in the war, before the howling commandos, after he had been tortured, then the man who fell from the train. He looks frail, sunken somehow despite a clearly strong muscular frame. I thought that was the worst I would ever see my best friend, yet somehow seeing that fear in him is more heartbreaking. "Buck" I ask, my voice breathless.
I have no weapons with me, no shield, just myself and all I want is for this to be over. To have him back. I want to have Bucky back. I step forward toward him, meeting his eyes and trying as best I can to make sure he could see how much I needed him to understand. I stepped forward again and he didn't step back.
Bucky's eyes break contact "I'm not safe" I can see the shame in his frame and his eyes. I take the opportunity of him looking down to strike.
I move myself the rest of the way into his space and I wrap my arms around my best friend, pulling him in for a hug so tight I forget I've had to chase him across the world "Shut up Jerk" I am taller than him still but he is built like a brick house. It has been the better part of a century since I held him. For the first time since being on the bridge, this man feels like my Bucky. A reserved version of him but as his hands land on my hips, I feel like I am teenager and clinging to him before he goes to war. I feel like the skinny kid, blessed with his attention, begging him for just one more night together.
I feel him hesitate but he relaxes a little when I bury my face into his neck. I know he could push me away or step back at any moment. I won't stop him, but I also don't want him to go. He seems to take some time, mind grinding against something inside himself before he lets his flesh hand slide up my back. "Missed you too, Punk" he whispers into me, his breath a little shaky as he holds me close for a moment and everything feels right again. I feel him swallow, his neck against my cheek, an intimate scratch of his facial hair and I pull myself back a little. This isn't the place, but God damn if I don't want to just kiss him.
He closes his eyes, breathing slow in and out before opening them again and looking at me, his calm eyes waring inside him. I wanted to fight that battle with him, but I can't. "We can't stay here." He says stepping back and shoving the black notebook into a bag, slinging it over his shoulder and in a smooth motion.
I feel my heart speed up a little at the word 'we' and I nod. "One of the Hydra agents killed the whole crew in the woods. Made it look like you."
Bucky froze, eyes hardened and looking at me both lost and newly firm. "I don't do that anymore."
"I know Buck." I nodded, letting every bit of trust flow into my voice. "I got an Avengers team to do a report. Y/N saw it and it wasn't you, but someone is going through a lot of trouble to keep you on the run. The Avengers can help us clear your name, get you some help."
He blinks a little confused before a small smirk slides across his face. "Dreamgirl's got my back huh?"
Dreamgirl. It's a good name for her. I feel a little blush on my face, Bucky's surly smile curves up his lips and makes my chest ache. I like her. I can't quite tell if the excitement is from having Bucky back or liking her but I have a small pang of regret. These last few weeks, traveling and working with Y/N has been wonderful but so frustrating. She was beautiful but she moved like she didn't know it. She was so smart and her powers were strange but intriguing. The more I got to know her the more fiercely protective I felt. The only person I wanted to protect as much was standing in front of me now.
Before I can make a comment I feel a hard kick in the gut. It didn't feel real. It felt like dread, pain, and something both magical and unmistakably familiar. I realize I am bent just a little to protect my chest, and when I look up Bucky, he is bent a little two, his blue eyes wild with fear. His eyes flick to my hand putting it together that we just felt the same thing. His eyes meet mine and I feel my brain stutter to catch up. I didn't know she could do this. I reach up and click the com in my ear on, a scream and rush of panting breath fills my head and my gut clenches cold on it's own. She's not an agent, she's an analyst. She can't handle Hydra.
I can see Bucky's reaction to the sound in my ear, straightening and stiffening, and I watch him make a choice. He can run while I'm distracted or come with me. His eyes flicker to the door and I can see the confusion and distrust in himself. I am guessing that he just felt the strange knowledge of a place slide through him the way I just did, there is a wet sound of flesh and smacking and the pop of a gun followed by a rush of pained air and the signal dies with a crackle and my stomach drops hard with guilt. I move first, not even sure really where I am going but where my feet tell me to and fast. Bucky's voice is quiet but darkly threatening as I hear him cock a gun and follow me. "I hope you got that shield somewhere handy" He remarks as we take the steps back down two at a time.